Joe Rogan - Polar Bears are RUTHLESS

Like some animals don't see good at all. Pigs don't see good at all. Yeah. You just freeze on a pig. They don't know what the fuck's going on. Eagles, for sure. Eagles. Eagles. Eagles have the best probably sight. Yeah, they can see from miles and miles and miles. My friend from Alaska, he goes halibut fishing all the time. He said, if you're pulling a fish up, an eagle can see it miles away. That's some dinosaur shit. That's how you know dinosaur shit is at play. Miles? What? Grizzly can find an elk carcass when it's underwater and polar bears can smell a seal through three feet of ice. Jesus fuck. Three fucking feet of ice. Christ. Oh my God. That's insane. Three feet of ice. That is a fucking monster. Imagine if you were in a big concrete building and it's three feet thick and there's a bear on the outside going, meat. That was a monster movie. Like, this is insane. This monster's insane. Does this monster know I'm here? Like it'd be two kids, right? Their parents have already been killed and their head is just breathing. Like don't worry, we're safe. This concrete's three feet thick. There's no way it can smell us and it's outside. I smell you. Oh, he talks to? What the fuck? Just wanting to eat you and your sister. Three fucking feet. Eighteen miles of smell. Three feet of smell through ice. Did you ever see the video where the BBC reporter gets inside a box, like a plexiglass box, and they put him around polar bears? And the polar bear tries to eat him and the polar bear's trying to eat him through this box, trying to figure out how to get to him because it knows he's in this box. It is fucking terrifying. Why would you ever? Bro, and this guy's got cameras on him the whole time. Shut, shut, shut, shut, shit in his pants. Just duking left and right, filling those drawers, son. How strong is that? That thing has to be indestructible. They're so big. They're so big. And we've been, we've been really fucked over. Just let that run, Jamie. We've been really fucked over with goddamn Klondike bars and Coca-Cola. You're making them look sweet. We have a super distorted perception of this fucking predatory killing machine that eats its babies. Bro, bro, these things are fucking ruthless. Look at that. They're the cleanup crew. They're there to make sure there's so few resources up there in the wild that this giant behemoth of a bear exists so he could just jack everything, just jack everything and keep the populations nice and low. Look at that. He's right in there. I'm not a biologist. So he knows it's in there. He's just trying to gut at it. He's biting it. Goddamn, dude. That would fuck me up. Look at this man. It's pressing on it. That's glass, man. If it breaks, you're dead. If it breaks, you're fucking dead. It's trying to, it wanted to get its fucking teeth through it. Bro, when it's opening its mouth, that's a monster's mouth. This is what I look like drunk at a McDonald's at fucking four in the morning trying to get food to the drive-thru. Look at this poor guy. It's behind him. It's behind him. He's like, but the camera is this way. Oh, they're shaking, shaking the shit out of it. Of course it is. Why would he be so convinced that that thing would survive? It'd be so dope if it just, shh. How do they rescue this cat? This dude? Yeah, how do they get him out of there? How long does it take to get him out of there? They got to find a way to distract this bear. At the end, it just walked away. Come on. It's got to get frustrated at some point. They're like, fuck this. Look at that. He goes, fuck this. But how did they test that box? What if that guy hated him? The guy who made the box. Oh, this guy's going to climb out? I'm out. I am free. You've got a prize. Oh, the bear. Yeah. Let's pretend the bear is right there. Yeah, right next to him. That thing can run 35 miles an hour. Fuck out of here. See how fast the bear runs? Yeah, they're insane. Dude, they run like that on ice. Those things just dig in with their claws. They can run fast. I like how they kind of pretended like that was a totally safe, normal experiment for him to do. He got out like, no big deal, man. Fucking polar bears, ironically, are black underneath all that white fur. You know that, right? No, it's clear. Those fur is actually clear. It's black skin. Yeah, the skin's black. Yeah. Isn't that white? Yeah, it is white. Well, you've got to imagine that people get snow tan, right? You get snow blind. Yes, so blind. Because the sun beating off the snow, like people get burnt, like really bad. Oh, yeah. You go skiing without chilling? That's not a polar bear. No, that's a black bear, bro. No, dude, it just says polar bear without hair. Yeah, but it's not. Look at the hair around its face. See how it's all black? I guarantee you, that's a black bear. Also, it just doesn't look big enough. What does a bear? Maybe it's just another one. It says bear, yeah. It's got mange. But the hair on the top of its head's black. I think someone just wrote that. It doesn't mean it's correct. No, but they are. They're dark, but underneath all that, they are really dark. It's wild. Hey, maybe when they get mange, their fucking hair on their head gets black. Who the fuck knows? Go to that. Mange is weird shit. What the fuck is that? It's a hairless bear. I've seen this before, I guess. I've got a Titan polar bear, so it's probably going to pop up. Well, I would imagine. Pull a bear, no fur. They're the most terrifying because they're the biggest. Well, they're right there, Jamie. The top fourth picture is them spreading the hair apart. You see the skin there. Yeah, so there you go. Oh, perfect. Yeah, and see how the hair looks white, but it's actually, they say it's more of a clear color. Wow, that's fucking crazy to me. Yeah, not technically white. Right, no, it looks translucent almost. But what an amazing animal, man. Unbelievable. Imagine that thing lives in this place where there's no vegetables at all. Nope. But it got so big. It evolved to get that big. Me, dude. Just tons and tons and tons of meat. And they can eat a fucking, like a hole through ice to get to you too. They'll just chew through the ice. It'll do whatever it can to get to you, right? It's so nice that they're so far away. They swim. You know, they jump in the water and swim. Yeah, they can swim six miles an hour. Bro. And for how long can they swim? I wonder how long they can stay in the water for because they have to get out of something. What else is that? Knots. And why do we need knots? Like boat people love that shit. What's up with boat people? Hey, it's six fathoms. Hey, fuck face. How many feet? Five point two knots. Five point two knots is a mile? Six miles an hour is five point two knots. My boat goes five knots. Why don't you want to make it slower? That's so confusing. Why would they do that when they can just do miles an hour? What is knots? I think knots were around before miles an hour. Well, kilometers were also before miles an hour. I think that's a good question. I think that's a good question. I think that's a good question. I think that's a good question. I think that's a good question. What is knots? I think knots were around before miles an hour. No, well, kilometers were also before miles an hour. Was it? Yeah, kilometers. I thought kilometers were the metric system and that was later. No, no, knots are kilometers than miles. They're so dumb. Really smart people are like, why the fuck are they talking? Why are they talking about kilometers? Some engineer is like, God damn it. What were we just talking about? Polar bears. Polar bears. There was some article about polar bears. Whenever we say that polar bear populations are threatened, they definitely are in certain spots. But the places where polar bears occupy is enormous. Yeah, it's huge. And in some areas, there's a lot of them. And we have this non-nuanced way of looking at polar bears so people would get really mad if they found these Inuits were killing polar bears. But sometimes these folks are living in places where polar bears start entering their villages. And they're super dangerous. Killing their babies. They'll kill people. They will straight up kill people. You know why I think that is? There's a comic who's a, he's also a veterinarian. Kevin. He's a vet? Yeah, he's a guy who performed in Denver. I met him in Denver. I was working with him one day. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah, do you know him? Yeah, he's famous in Denver. Yeah, he's famous in Fitzgerald. He has a TV show out there. He's famous in Fitzgerald. See, I was going to say Fitzgerald, but I thought I was wrong because my friend Dave Fitzgerald I was just talking about. He's got long white hair. Yeah, like a, like, yeah. He told me that polar bears out of the womb are like predator. You know, like the movie Predator, like out of the womb, they're just trying to bite and kill out of the womb. Dope. Out of the womb. They just come out and ahh. And I was like, well, it makes sense. Right? If you stop and think about what their life is, everything is just white and frozen. And occasionally you catch something slipping. You catch someone who's sunning themselves and you get to them before they can get away and you could dive in the water and grab a foot and drag them back up. Survival, man. The darkest story that I ever heard. I don't know if this is true, but let's pretend it is. Yeah, fine. Was there was some sort of an expedition and their boat hit some ice and so their boat started sinking and they had a real problem because the next boat was hours away. So they call in a May Day for the next boat and they climb out of the boat in time before it sinks and they get to an ice shelter, like a nice raft, a nice island. Like an island. Yeah. And then the distance they see a polar bear. Fuck. And it's many, many ice land bridges or whatever the fuck it is. Whatever ice distance that is. Ice island away. Ice steps. But it keeps jumping in the water and getting closer. Fuck me. Trying to figure out what the fuck they are. And then finally it gets to them, finds out what they are. What's in the ice island next to them, jumps in the water, pops up, grabs one guy, there's nothing anybody can do about it. Fuck. Takes him, kills him, drags him in the water again, goes back on the other ice island, just starts eating him. And they're just chilling watching it. And they are one ice island away, hoping that he doesn't stay hungry after he eats their friend. I hope it was your least favorite friend. And then the boat comes and rescues them. Fuck me, dude. And they had to watch their friend get eaten alive. Their friend got eaten alive. Well, he died probably quick. But he probably ate him in front of them. He probably took it so they could see it. He didn't care. Yeah, that's what I mean. Do you worry when you eat a clam that you're eating in front of other clams? Depends on who I'm eating in front of. No. I'm sure the bear ate it to know they wanted to eat. I'm saying he kept an eye on them. Yes. He's like, you're next, dude. I'm hungry. Well, he probably knows that they're there if this isn't enough. I mean, maybe the guy's like a small guy. What do you do? What do you do? You just sit there and watch it? What do you fucking do? You can't swim away. You'll freeze to death if you get in that water. You just have to accept the fact that if it chooses to kill you, that's your time. There's nothing else you can do. You can't fight it off. I would punch my buddy and knock him out so it's easier than... You know what I mean? Knock him out by the bear. Huh? You have to think about how much you love your friends. Oh my God. There's so many people I'd knock out and leave for bears to eat. Yeah, there's a lot of people. Most of my friends I knock out. But what it is is just... It's inescapable. The power that it has.