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Andrew Schulz is a stand-up comic, actor, and podcaster. He's the host of the "Flagrant" podcast with Akaash Singh, and the "Brilliant Idiots" podcast with Charlamagne Tha God. His latest special, "Infamous," is available on YouTube.www.theandrewschulz.com
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It's almost like the word fuck Right like you could stub your toe and fuck or you could see a Ferrari go fuck Yeah, it's you know in Brazilian. It's the word come they use for that. Wait what? Yeah, it's ho ho ho Okay, so like you know like someone will catch a guy in a choke and go poha Like that's a good thing. Oh, you fuck up yourself. You're like ah po Keys in Spanish I say puta mala de yeah, which means like mother bitch. Yes, like it could be a good thing But that makes sense like mother bitch god damn it But come doesn't even make any sense like I was trying to my feeling of it when you come It's like that is the sensation like that was so good Watching you do that almost felt like me nutting and it could be bad in that like your dick tricked you and the fucking this Girl you've been trying to avoid and then you come and you're like That is there's regret Women will never understand post-nut syndrome Post-nut syndrome because this is something exclusive to us. Yes Like I don't know. I like you until I come. Yeah, it's true. Right? Yeah Yeah, you do not know it and that's why it's so fucked up Like when you know women think we're fuckboys or pieces of shit as dudes. It's like you don't get it I think I like you right everything I'm saying to you. I believe right and my dick is just like we will find out We will see and there are times where you nut and it's like Damn. Yeah, you realize you've made a mistake Especially if the woman is really into you and you're really not into her and you're like, oh I made an error And then you do feel like an asshole. Yeah, but if you say that to them, they're like, yeah, I'm fucking asshole I'm like, I'm just being honest with you. I got tricked. Yeah, my genetics. Yeah, why can't that be my biology? Why can't I feel so for women? Yeah, explain what this is like. Yeah, you have this It's like finding out your guy was poor. This is what it's like. This is how I describe it having an erection and getting excited It's like sitting in the backseat of a really long bus Okay, and there's some other guy up there driving the bus most of the time you're driving the bus Not when your dick is hard when you dick is hard There's some other guy driving the bus and all the windows are rolled down. There's papers flying around the horns honking And you're looking at life taking place through a dirty windshield a hundred feet away from you You're like, do you know where the fuck you're going? And your dicks like just shut the fuck up and calm down I got this and then when you come all of a sudden the fog Parts and you're at the front of the bus holding the wheel. You're like what what am I doing here? Yeah, how'd I get here? Ah And you look down at your dick you motherfucker, bro. It's it's being a werewolf. Yeah, it is being aware Right, like isn't that what it's a metaphor for? Oh, yeah, you're this ravenous creature You're running around doing crazy shit and then you wake up in the morning naked. You're terrified covered in blood. Yeah Well, fuck sometimes sometimes. Yeah, goddamn it. What did I do?