Andrew Schulz Gets Grossed Out | Joe Rogan

There's this fucking guy, I forget his name, it was Dr. Rapai or something like that. He's like this French consultant, he's like some fucking genius, and he's like decoded cultures, right? And every culture he's decoded, people hire him to consult, right? And like America's code is, the verb is to do and the time is now, right? And we're just kids at the end of the day, right? It's like everything, we love big tits in America, right? Most popular plastic surgery is big tits. And like France, most popular plastic surgery is getting tits reduced, right? Everything about them is like precision and like the food on the plate. Is that really their most popular plastic surgery? That's what I was gonna say. That's what he said. And maybe it's changed to like lips or something more common now, but maybe the one you have to go under. Lips are a dark one. Don't fuck with your lips, ladies. Oh, I like it when they get a little lips, if they have none. Ew. No, if you have a fucking beak, you're gonna have a little something. You see the thing in there, it's like, it lets you know they're extra needy. There's like something going on, they wanted their lips to be, there's like a symmetrical proportion that your face is supposed to fall into this Fibonacci sequence of numbers. If you get a nose job, I look at you and I go, what's wrong with his nose? Like something is wrong, it registers wrong in my head because your face, so like Ari, perfect example. If Ari got a nose job, you're like, what the fuck is happening here? What's wrong with your face? Like if Ari had like a small Irish person's nose, he'd be like, what is happening here? This doesn't even make any sense. Yeah, maybe not for his face. No, for his face, there's a sequence. Like your lips match your face. They match how far your eyes are apart, where your nose is. When you see a girl, she's a little tiny, little skinny thing with little fingers, and all of a sudden she's got this, yes, these big weird lips. But don't we like things that like stand out? Like we like skinny with big tits. We do. We're drawn to it, right? With all the things that are abnormal. We do. Nice big butt. It's a trick, the big tit one is a trick because it represents like sexual viability. It represents your ability to breastfeed a child, which is attractive to your genes. Doesn't make any sense that you would know that there's a bag of water underneath her skin that she had a tube down her throat taped to her face. She's half dead. They're cutting her open with a sharp knife and stuffing this bag of water under the meat of her breast tissue. Or they're cutting her nipple off and opening it up like a fucking manhole cover and pumping that fucker in there. It's crazy. We know that that's what happens and we still think it's hot. All those things are nuts, man. Reptilian, bro. Yeah. It's in here. We can't help it. But like it bothers me when it's a butt. When it's a fake butt, it bothers me. Like if there was a way that a girl could lift weights at the gym and make her tits bigger and she went and got fake tits, you wouldn't like them as much. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Like knowing you can earn it. Yeah, you can earn it. Yes, I might. Yeah, it's lazy. The butt thing is lazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The butt thing, it throws you off if it doesn't match the legs. Like if a girl's got a big butt, she's got some legs like, damn, this bitch is deadlifting. Yes. You know, like that's hot. Yeah. It's like. I've never said that in my head but I know what you're talking about. You never said that? This bitch is deadlifting. You never said that? No, no. They see a girl with big hamstrings. This bitch could squat. That doesn't, I say that all the time. It just don't work out enough, I guess. I like girls with legs that look like they can carry shit. Yeah. It's hot. Yeah. Do you like to carry? No, I'm heavy. If a girl's carrying me around, she's gonna get tired. But I like girls that are athletic, they have power. I like it. It's hot. So if a girl's got a big ass because she's squatting, that's hot. If a girl's got a big ass because she went through surgery, I'm like, bitch, you're gonna get cancer. Yup. You're gonna get an ass cancer now. Do you know that? Yes. From the implants. From implants, yes. They're starting to see cases of butt cancer. Whoa, Jack. That's what you like. That's what I'm talking about, son. Bro, that is. That's power. No, that's too strong for me. Oh, don't be scared. I'm afraid of that. That girl hurt you. She will. Yeah, that is. That's like trying to fuck CrossFitters' fist. You know what I'm saying? Like the power that she must have in that. Bro, look at that leg, dude. Fantastic. That's just a hawk. Outstanding. I mean, the butt cheeks are nice. It's the thigh meat that's too much. She's an athlete. I like it. Yeah, I don't know. I like that. If that girl's in a miniskirt, but if she's not flexing, she probably looks hot as fuck. So you're into a very strong. Yeah, I like good genes. This guy, the other one's jamming. I mean, this girl has massive quads. That girl's stacked. The only problem with those gals is that there is a reality to certain levels of musculature that most likely they're only achieved by injecting male hormones. So the clits kind of get big or whatever. A little bit. Have you? A little bit. Never seen that. Are you allowed to like fuck around? What's your relationship with your wife? Definitely not. No, no, no. Okay, how long have you been married? 10 years. 10 years. Almost. Close enough. Yeah. Okay, and then how do you? Yeah, how do you navigate that? No, no. Yeah, could you please explain to me how you do this masturbation thing? Wait, wait, do you jack off? Exactly, how does it work? Yeah. This level of athleticism, like I was saying, there's a certain line that they are crossing that most likely is because of male hormones. Yeah, I can get into it. There's some level to that. Did they grow some hair? Jiu-jitsu girls, there's a lot of jiu-jitsu girls that are competitive jiu-jitsu girls that start doing a little bit of steroids. They start taking a little bit of testosterone. A friend of mine's wife was doing it, and I was like, yikes. You saw the difference. She's like, yeah, she's really getting into jiu-jitsu. She's competing, and she's starting to take a little bit of testosterone. I was like, okay. You know what happens though? They get horny. Really? Like a dude. Really? Yeah. But they got this big dangling clit. No, no, no. It only gets big when they go whole hog, like when they go bodybuilder. How big? When they go bodybuilder. It gets big. Wait, have you, back in the day, way back in the day. No, never fucked a girl who was a bodybuilder. Never once. Never, no. Did fuck a girl who was like very fit and strong, but she had a normal vagina. Normal clit, totally normal clit. She had a six pack though. It's kinda weird. Okay, yeah, it's a little. She was strong. It's not feminine. It's not feminine. But this clit thing fascinates me. So the clit, it just, is there like, you can't put a picture of that up. Can we look at that? No. No, you two will pull us. Can you pull it up? Well, that doesn't, you know what it is. A little dick. It's like a little dick. That's what I'm wondering. Does it have like the head and like the ridge? Yes. Get the fuck outta here, bro. Are you saying you've never looked at enlarged clits? You've never done that? That's exactly what I'm saying. Hold on. You've never done a Google search? Bro, I looked fake pussies. I looked up like tranny pussies, but I didn't look up. And those look. That's not good. What do you mean? The tranny pussy. What do you mean they're not good? Like they. It's not good. It's not real. Yeah, I know it's not real, but you wanna be able to tell. Can you tell? No, but I feel like we should put the watermark. Bro, there's a dick going inside a nut. Bro, that one is crazy. Look at that one down there. Bro, that's fucking nuts, dude. Yeah, that's what happens. That's not real. Yo, it is real. It is real. There's no way. It is real. How about that one in the lower right hand, upper right hand corner? There's no way, dude. The dark one, Jamie? No, below that one. Pow. How you like me now? That's a dick. Bro, she has balls. Yeah. No, no, that's pussy lips. That's balls, bro. That's not a girl. No, that's pussy lips. Doug. That's pussy lips. Now that one down there, what about the giant one below that, Jamie? Dude, the one in the middle? What's happening there? No, bro, that just looks like a witch finger. That might. Bro, that is gnarly, man. Do you think that that's Photoshop? That has to be Photoshop, dude. Dude, this is unfucking real. Might be our mapper day. Some freak porn. Make sure. Oh my god, bro. Whoa, dude. Well, when girls take a lot of testosterone, they do develop enlarged clits. There was a show on HBO back in the day, I think it was called Private Dicks, but it was like that girl's jacked. You're into that, though? No, that's a little much. Yeah, she looks like Delishaw. Yeah, that's Lara. She's pretty looking, though. She wasn't flexing. Tell her to eat a couple sandwiches. Anyway, let's get out of there. That's enough. We're gonna start vomiting. Dude. But anyway, there was a show on HBO called Private Dicks. Okay. And one of the people on it, I think that was from that show. But anyway, there was this lady was talking about, she became a trans man. Okay. Through taking massive amounts of testosterone, her clit grew, she said, to the size of a thumb. Yeah. Because they're taking very high levels of testosterone to sort of achieve that they get hair in their face, their voice deepens. You know, they get broader and thicker, and they keep a lot of that, too. I don't get it. I don't understand. So your clit is just a cock, essentially, right? Well, not really. It just resembles one. I mean, if you looked at that, if my dick looked like that, I'd go right to the doctor. Which one? The long one that we were looking at? The crooked one? Yeah, the witch's finger. Yeah, with the joints? Yeah, it seems like a- They had joints. It seems like a clit with no skin, or a dick with no skin. It has been skinned. Yes. Yes. Bro. Bro. Bro. That made me feel uncomfortable to look at. It should. Imagine pulling a girl's panties down, and that thing fucking- It should. If it happened to a friend of mine's ex-boyfriend, a friend of mine who I used to work with on a television she was telling me a story about her ex-boyfriend met this girl, and they're fooling around, and they get back to her. And she was pretty feminine, but she had a clit like a pinky, is the way he described it. And then he pulled her pants down, and then fucking panicked, and then said, oh my god, I have to pick my friend up at the airport. Fuck, I can't believe this. And he just ran- That was his excuse? Is I gotta pick one. He fucking panicked, man. The dude panicked. He went into a full-blown panic, and just ran out of- He couldn't deal with her clit. I mean, it gets to a certain size where that's like- Yeah, look if it's wrapped around her leg and tied in a bow, you're like, Hey! Or you gotta like, you gotta like push it to the side to insert. You know what I mean? You gotta hold it like a handle while you bang it. It's a joystick! Please, fucking yes. It's like the reins on a horse. Like you're hanging onto it where you bang it.