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Owen Benjamin is a stand up comedian and actor. Check out his podcast called “Why Didn’t They Laugh?” available on iTunes.
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Hello freak bitches. This is the thing like, do you want a part guy? Can that guy ever make it back? No, because no one's rooting for him anyway. You know it's it's not like Iron Man it's like yeah that dude used to do a lot of fucking drugs but we're still rooting for him because he's vulnerable. Right. You know it's like no one's wack- no one relates to the guy whacking off on a fucking plant in front of Gwyneth Paltrow. You're like, bro you're out man. You're out of the tribe. Like that's why the dude that you just interviewed on, Kilstein or whatever, like he has a way in- he has a way back in because everyone relates to reward. Right. He's not like actually raping people. He just got mixed up and likes on Twitter and shit. But this is the idea that I want to explore because I think it's fascinating. Is there like a point where a guy fucks up too many times? Like say if Harvey Weinstein jerked off into one plant one time. He was on coke, he got crazy, and he's hanging out with someone- She's like one of the naked vampires in Dust Till Dawn but she doesn't get to talk. She's got the snake on her neck. And she's so hot and he's so fat and so gross and he's so coked up and so drunk and he also has a billion dollars in the bank and he starts singing like I put you in a fucking movie. I put you in a fucking- I give him benefit of the doubt. I'm like that guy loves photosynthesis. He loves it. Like dude- He's whacking on a plant. He's like yeah you take fucking carbon you make it shorter. What photosynthesis is? That's convicting- changing sunlight into food. I thought we were talking about whacking on a plant. But that's not photosynthesis. Isn't the plant making shit? Yeah but photosynthesis is like the specific process of a plant converting sunlight into energy. No impulse. I have no impulse control Joe. Let's find out what that is because I could easily be wrong. But I thought that photosynthesis meant converting sunlight. Yeah that's- Yeah, light and sugar right? So it's not cum. No, see he's like so turned on by. That's fertilizer bro. Like he's like look at you making sugar out of sunlight. Oh I get it. Oh I get it. So he got excited by the photosynthesis. See that's the thing is now people are starting to treat me like I'm this like moral high ground guy and I don't want- What? Wait hold on. Who's doing that? Because of the fucking standing up for three-year-olds and I'm like dude I wouldn't judge one plant whack. What is the difference between the you know like transgender three-year-olds and some coked up studio executive? Of course. Here's the thing like I don't want to excuse anybody's behavior that's done anything that victimizes other people but it is a fascinating aspect of Hollywood culture that forever if you wanted to get a part you had to go to the casting couch and everybody knew it and there was a lot of those guys that had disproportionate relationships. Like they were disgusting. Right. He's disgusting and his wife is fucking smoking. You ever seen Harvey's wife? No. She's smoking and you know no need to bring her into this at all but I'm just explaining like this is a consistently disproportionate relationship that exists throughout Hollywood. Like there is the guy who is insanely wealthy but physically vile and he somehow or another managed to dunk his dick in a tens before he cokes himself into an early grave. That is a fucking common common common theme. Yeah and I'm not judging that guy who's just getting tens when he's a two. That's the American dream. Well it's how you do it though. Exactly. You just listen to me man. It's about hating women. It's about. It is about hating women but this is my point. It's like you do not get to dunk your dick in tens unless you do all the things that that guy did. He produced Shakespearean love. That's a dick dunk. I'm not I'm not excusing him. I'm not exonerating him and I'm saying like women do not naturally feel attracted to obese guys with bad skin. This is not a common thing. In order for him to force the outcome that he desires he has to cross cultural and appropriate boundaries. We're dealing with like mathematics. Literally and I'm not exonerating him again. I can't believe I have to say this but I don't want anybody taking this out of context. If you are dealing with this as a system as a biological system like say if you're looking at it from afar and you had no connection to culture no connection to civilization you'd be like well what is this how does this system working like how is this one like extremely flawed biological entity oozing its way into these perfect shapes like it finds a way to penetrate these perfect shapes with thin waste and perfect asses and beautiful faces and his face is just this pile of slovenness and just disgust and but it's just growing hair on top of it and a little fat dick and just shoots incompetent sperm into the mouths of tens. What what what is happening here? What is happening here? Well what's happening here is there's no way he would have been able to do it any other way. It's like so like he's not Thor right he's not uh he's not some fucking Ryan Reynolds type character with perfect cheekbones. He's just like and he's just feeding that with coke and fucking booze and blowjobs and and constantly trying to put out more things that allow him to buy the biggest fucking house the highest hills and I mean this is literally the only way he can do that. The only way he can do that is to be disgusting like girls aren't just gonna line up I loved I loved your movies and I'm just like do it to me what you want you'll get one out of a million that do that but that's not enough like they have to they would have to find him through the crowd that's not gonna work. It's not gonna work. It's almost like that crazy mindset and again not exonerating not not excusing but that mindset of like look what is the mindset of someone who wants to run the fastest race? What is the mindset of someone who wants to make the fastest jet bike zero to 100 time when you're fucking hanging on to these handlebars? What is the mindset of that? I don't know but it seems to be some sort of bizarre quasi-competitive biological environment where people are chasing some strange unattainable highest ground right? Yeah it almost comes from like a slight flaw like the sand makes the pearl right like how like comedians are a little flawed like sure somebody commented and I like they were talking shit but I was like you're so right to go dude Owen is the tallest dude with the napoleon complex I've ever seen and I was like you're fucking right man it's like ambition comes from this weird like feeling of threat where you're like at any moment like I gotta try I gotta work really hard