Bert Partied with Stylebender After Saying He Could Beat Him in a Fight

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Bert Kreischer

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Bert Kreischer is a stand-up comic, podcaster, and actor. He's the host of "The Bertcast" podcast and YouTube cooking program "Something's Burning." He's also the co-host of the "2 Bears, 1 Cave" podcast with fellow comedian Tom Segura. Watch his latest special, "Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle," on Netflix. www.bertbertbert.com

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I used to say that I think I could beat up Stylebender. If we were drinking, we had to drink the same amount of beers and then get in the cage. We each had to drink 12 beers and get in the cage. And it was a joke. I was fucking around with Tommy. I never thought, I never thought I'd meet Stylebender. I never thought that motherfucker rolls up to my show in New Zealand and first of all, he's way bigger than you think. He's way bigger than you think. Okay? And his hands are huge and they're soft. And the first thing he does, Joe, is he grabs my arm to like, dab me up and he throws a knee and he grabs me by the back of the neck and goes, you still think you could fuck me up? And I'm like, I'm so sorry. But you know what? You know what? That guy is the coolest motherfucker. Like the coolest. I mean, he's one of my motherfuckers where I go, he treated everyone as if he wasn't the middleweight champion of the world. He treated him as if he was just some guy that was into comic books and into anime. And he met Jared Hess, the director of Napoleon Dynamite was at my show. And he geeked out. He was like, oh, you did Napoleon Dynamite? And Jared Hess is going, this is Israel Adesanya. Like holy shit. And then, and then Joe. And Izzy, I'm sorry if I tell you, I talk too much sometimes. We end up at a bar at like three in the fucking morning and he is, I'm fated. I don't know if he was drinking too much at all. I don't even know if he's drinking. But we get pretty lit in a bar at three in the morning in New Zealand and he stands up and I stand up with him back to back shirtless, both of us. And we challenge everyone in the bar to a fist. Oh, you have it. Oh, this is... What are you challenging ever in the bar? I'll kill every motherfucker in here, please, man. You want it? You want it? All day. All day. Who want it? Say it worse. Say it worse. What are you doing? You're trying to fight? We're challenging a bar to fight. And this isn't another country? Yeah, this isn't another country. Jesus Christ, Bert. We were fucking, dude, this motherfucker is the coolest guy in the fucking world. He goes, he literally is. He stands up and he goes, how? Who has that? He's one of the coolest guys I've ever looked. On his Twitter. Oh, it's on his Twitter? Oh, shit. Look at this. He goes, he stands up and he goes, his first words out of his mouth, I'll kill every motherfucker in the room for this man right here. So then you know my shirt comes off. I go, I thought we were doing a Steve Harvey bit. You ever seen Steve Harvey talk about his wife? No. Oh. It'll make you cry because I know how much you love your wife. His wife's name is Marjorie. I thought Stylepender was doing a Steve Harvey bit because Steve Harvey has this moment where he's doing an award show and he hears a song and he goes, oh, I'm having me a moment. And he goes, that's our song. And then it's a cool moment. He goes, she's mine. Oh, this is it. This is it. This will make you cry, man. I mean, I get emotional watching this. I just had a moment. And that's me and my wife's song too. I met her in 86, 87 when the song came out. Then God gave her back to me in 2005. I put her name on the back, man. You understand me. That's mine right there. Yeah. I own you and you own me. I will kill everybody in here about your ass. Please understand that about the way I love you, Marjorie Elaine. You understand me. I kill everybody in here. I swear to God. I thought he was doing it. I thought he was doing it because he goes, ask the Lord about me. I kill every motherfucking idiot. That's hilarious. So you thought Stylepender was doing that? She sends me Steve Harvey clips and she just sent them. And I thought he must have seen the clip. It must be going viral. I thought he was doing Stylepender. So I go, I can't motherfucker in. He's mine. And I'm him. We started going, I thought he was doing Steve Harvey. And then we start going table to table, Joe. We go table to table, talented motherfuckers. Who wants it? Look, these big dudes behind them, these big Samoan guys were like, who wants it? Who wants it? And then I end up. This could have gone horribly wrong. I was challenging the female tables. Exclusively. What if there was rugby player there or something? He's the middleweight champion of the world. I'm going to stand my fucking ground. Oh my God. It's so dangerous. We ended up buying the whole bar shots. Oh, that's good. Three times. Whoa. Filled them up. Round them up. Jesus. That must have been a drunk place. It was. And then he texted me the next morning like, boom, he's out. He's out. I don't think he drinks as much as I do. And that dude, I'll tell you, I'm a ride or die for him. He was the nicest. We sat and talked. We just talked about like, you know, something really important in life is celebrating. Like celebrating victories. I love the way he does that. I really do. When he has a victory, he goes on like a celebration tour and I feel like the universe then fucking is set right. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless.The Jerogan experience. I used to say that I think I could beat up Stylebender. If we were drinking, we had to drink the same amount of beers and then get in the cage. We each had to drink 12 beers and get in the cage. And it was a joke. I was fucking around with Tommy. I never thought, I never thought I'd meet Stylebender. I never thought that motherfucker rolls up to my show in New Zealand and first of all, he's way bigger than you think. He's way bigger than you think. Okay? And his hands are huge and they're soft. And the first thing he does, Joe, is he grabs my arm to like, dab me up and he throws a knee and he grabs me by the back of the neck and goes, you still think you could fuck me up? And I'm like, I'm so sorry. But you know what? You know what? That guy is the coolest motherfucker. Like the coolest. I mean, he's one of my motherfuckers where I go, he treated everyone as if he wasn't the middleweight champion of the world. He treated him as if he was just some guy that was into comic books and into anime. And he met Jared Hess, the director of Napoleon Dynamite was at my show. And he geeked out. He was like, oh, you did Napoleon Dynamite? And Jared Hess is going, this is Israel Adesanya. Like holy shit. And then, and then Joe. And Izzy, I'm sorry if I tell you, I talk too much sometimes. We end up at a bar at like three in the fucking morning and he is, I'm fated. I don't know if he was drinking too much at all. I don't even know if he's drinking. But we get pretty lit in a bar at three in the morning in New Zealand and he stands up and I stand up with him back to back shirtless, both of us. And we challenge everyone in the bar to a fist. Oh, you have it. Oh, this is... What are you challenging ever in the bar? I'll kill every motherfucker in here, please, man. You want it? You want it? All day. All day. Who want it? Say it worse. Say it worse. What are you doing? You're trying to fight? We're challenging a bar to fight. And this isn't another country? Yeah, this isn't another country. Jesus Christ, Bert. We were fucking, dude, this motherfucker is the coolest guy in the fucking world. He goes, he literally is. He stands up and he goes, how? Who has that? He's one of the coolest guys I've ever looked. On his Twitter. Oh, it's on his Twitter? Oh, shit. Look at this. He goes, he stands up and he goes, his first words out of his mouth, I'll kill every motherfucker in the room for this man right here. So then you know my shirt comes off. I go, I thought we were doing a Steve Harvey bit. You ever seen Steve Harvey talk about his wife? No. Oh. It'll make you cry because I know how much you love your wife. His wife's name is Marjorie. I thought Stylepender was doing a Steve Harvey bit because Steve Harvey has this moment where he's doing an award show and he hears a song and he goes, oh, I'm having me a moment. And he goes, that's our song. And then it's a cool moment. He goes, she's mine. Oh, this is it. This is it. This will make you cry, man. I mean, I get emotional watching this. I just had a moment. And that's me and my wife's song too. I met her in 86, 87 when the song came out. Then God gave her back to me in 2005. I put her name on the back, man. You understand me. That's mine right there. Yeah. I own you and you own me. I will kill everybody in here about your ass. Please understand that about the way I love you, Marjorie Elaine. You understand me. I kill everybody in here. I swear to God. I thought he was doing it. I thought he was doing it because he goes, ask the Lord about me. I kill every motherfucking idiot. That's hilarious. So you thought Stylepender was doing that? She sends me Steve Harvey clips and she just sent them. And I thought he must have seen the clip. It must be going viral. I thought he was doing Stylepender. So I go, I can't motherfucker in. He's mine. And I'm him. We started going, I thought he was doing Steve Harvey. And then we start going table to table, Joe. We go table to table, talented motherfuckers. Who wants it? Look, these big dudes behind them, these big Samoan guys were like, who wants it? Who wants it? And then I end up. This could have gone horribly wrong. I was challenging the female tables. Exclusively. What if there was rugby player there or something? He's the middleweight champion of the world. I'm going to stand my fucking ground. Oh my God. It's so dangerous. We ended up buying the whole bar shots. Oh, that's good. Three times. Whoa. Filled them up. Round them up. Jesus. That must have been a drunk place. It was. And then he texted me the next morning like, boom, he's out. He's out. I don't think he drinks as much as I do. And that dude, I'll tell you, I'm a ride or die for him. He was the nicest. We sat and talked. We just talked about like, you know, something really important in life is celebrating. Like celebrating victories. I love the way he does that. I really do. When he has a victory, he goes on like a celebration tour and I feel like the universe then fucking is set right. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless. God bless.