Ari Shaffir Describes His Visit to a German EDM Sex Party

Hey, I went to this nightclub in Germany, in Berlin. It was fucking so fun, dude. I've been having fun going around places. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. What was it? Um, okay. Well... It's fucking nuts. They do shit on another level there. I'm not into EDM and stuff, but like, it was great. As soon as you walk in, it's like... Okay, first of all, you can't even get in. Oh my god. Okay, the first thing you see when you get in is just a bunch of people in leather worn out. It goes from Friday night, midnight until like Monday at about noon. Whoa. You can just stay in and do hella drugs and just dance for like techno and like house music on different floors. People die in there? They must. They must. They must go too hard and have heart attacks. Yeah, but everyone... Yeah, they must. Yeah. But when you're down there, it's on the third level where there's no... And just people just coming down. I went in like a day and a half, so it was like Sunday when I went. So people are just like out of it, sweaty, girls with like tutus and like whatever. There's a coat check place where somebody said... Somebody checked their gimp one time. Well, you did a coat check place? Yeah, like you can just stay here for me. Okay, the very first thing I saw, I go in, it's overwhelming. Me and my promoter were there, we're like, this is fucking too much. And we're like, all right, let's get beers. And I saw... This is so great, dude. The way to get in is just to wear all black or wear leather or just be with gay people. Gay people just get in and they make sure it's like a good time for everybody. And they make you put a sticker over your phone, no pictures, they'll throw you the fuck out. Do whatever drugs you want. Anyway, as soon as I see that, there's a guy at the end of the bar just getting jerked off as he's ordering. By a guy or a girl? By a guy. Jerked off by a guy. Yeah. And he's fucking... ...ordering the beer out of it on drugs and still trying to get some... ...because his other hand is just gone inside his asshole. Yeah, a full like... Because it didn't make sense. The jerks... Yeah, I think... I mean, I don't know. Something. It might have been over. Fingers? It might have been. I don't know what I was doing on the inside. It might have been open or closed. I can pop it. Yeah. And then it's just debauchery. You just get drugs in the bathroom and dance and dance and dance. Whoo! Yeah. You see full like blowjobs going on. Wow. It's like anything goes. People are out with like jicks out, just fucking jumping and dancing. If we gave everybody drugs, that's what they would do. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Good times? It was the best. You just walk around and you go to the bathroom. Somebody eventually was looking for like anything. What were you trying to get? Ecstasy probably. Right. Molly, you know, something like that. Somebody eventually gave me one. I was like, I got enough from like Pramodagatou and he was like, No, no, no, I'm going home. I'm only staying till like three. I got my kids like soccer game tomorrow. And I was like, all right, so I'll throw this out then. I'll just throw out the exercise. And he goes, all right, fucking relax. So he took some and then we just started dancing, man. It was so fun. The music is nuts. They got like the best DJs in the world like go down there and just like show off. Oh, just like do sets. Yeah. It's kind of like the comedy store. Kind of like the comedy store where it's like the best comics in the world. Doing it for what, 15 bucks? Wow. Nothing to do with the money. They're trying to show off. Wow. Oh God. It was so fucking fun. They just have this like nightclub culture. They'll even have like rockabilly bars there and then people are dancing on the back. Do you remember when the early days of the internet you would get shit porn from Germany? Uh-huh. It was always from Germany. They go, they go whatever you're into. Just go for it. Why Germany? Like, do you think after World War II they just went crazy? No, I think not after World War II. I think after the Berlin Wall fell. I think it's all reaction to that shit. Really? Yeah, because they're not really in Berlin at least. They're not really thinking about the Holocaust anymore. They're thinking about that east-west. That's their most recent massive historical, you know? Right. And that was, what was that, the 80s? Yeah, yeah. That was during the Reagan administration, wasn't it? Mr. Gorbachev, tear down that wall. Didn't I know, I think I know somebody who had a piece of the wall. I had one. You could buy it at Spencer's and stuff. Spencer Gifts? You could also buy a poster of a guy with this, like that. Oh, his Dick Root Choe? Just like a little bit, you know? Yeah. Just like hanging out with my cowboy hat. Mmm.