#1989 - Andrew Dice Clay

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Andrew Dice Clay

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Andrew Dice Clay is a stand-up comic, actor, and author. www.andrewdiceclay.com

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1y ago

Q: Was this retard always this cringe? A: Once the godfather of cringe comedy, the "retard" has somewhat mellowed out over the years.

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Those are serious shades. This is the experience. This is your, you've now taken over everything in my opinion and I'm proud of you for that. Thank you. And see. Well I'm proud to be your friend. Well I'm proud to be yours now so you notice. You know I was in your documentary and everything I said I 100% believe in is true. And I appreciate it. And we were actually just talking about you last night and I was telling these guys I go DICE is doing the only real alternative comedy that's out there. Those videos that you're doing with fans. You were first of all you were one of the originators of what I would call alternative comedy. This is what you did. You did the day the laughter died in the height of your success. You were selling out arenas all over the fucking place and you decided to do Danger Fields when no one was in there with no material and just fuck around and it's amazing. Listen. Listen. Before we even go there. Alright. I got a little beef with you. Nothing that's not, it's not gonna get violent. Okay. None of that. What's the beef? Because even years ago when you first came to LA and trust me you were alternative. The minute I walked into it. Alternative? I don't mean alternative in a negative way. You're doing it your own way. Oh okay. The way you saw fit. The way I did it. The way Kennison did it. That's how you did it. So I come walking into the original room. I come in through the back. I always do the same thing. I go into the kitchen. Club soda. Red straw. Five dollar tip. Into the original room. Because I'm hearing something. Somebody I don't know. Okay. When I look in there and it's you. Full force. I mean screaming at the crowd. And what made it even better. Number one you were doing time. And you were just going ballistic. I thought you were gonna start breaking the stool. I mean you just, you know you were also just finding your legs. You're talking about 25 maybe even closer to 30 years ago. When you first came out there and you're screaming your head off. And you get in a heckle fight with a guy. Now I will admit that the heckle fights I've had end in the club. Okay. It just ends. Not you. This went outside. Where there's I don't know 20 people 20 something people between the two years. I'm going he's gonna kill this guy. For what? The guy yelled out during his set. But you were right because the guy didn't stop and he was one of those. Well that no that guy was threatening. No he was threatening. That was threatening meaning he said he was gonna throw a glass at me. And he was really drunk. And you would just. I don't know if he was that drunk. I think he was just a piece of shit. Yeah. And he the thing about that guy I know that story. That guy had done that to a bunch of other comedians before me and I got to see and watch it. They didn't know how to handle it. He was just being a piece of shit. No I know that and look I've had. There's a difference you know like a heckler and someone who like purposely tries to interrupt the set for their own joy and fuck with people. And doesn't care. And then he threatened me. And so I was like okay. We'll see what happens. Let's go outside. Yeah. Yeah. But that's what I loved. You know. You know I even loved one time. You know I'm out back and I know how close you are with Diaz. And he gets in a little argument with someone. But what is and I'm watching this and I'm like oh please why am I even here. I wasn't even going to come out tonight. And it's getting heated and he has a bad temper. So he takes one of the big glasses. Oh yeah. And he just breaks it so it's a jagged edge. And I'm like Joey. What are you doing. Put the glass down. It's like I see that he's seeing red. Yeah. Put the glass down. And he's looking at me and he's like yeah you're right. He's not worth it. Look at him work. This is a comedy club. What goes on here. You know Rogan's chasing people outside to continue to fight. You're ready to cut some guys. I know the Diaz story too though. The Diaz guy. That guy was a piece of shit too. The other guy was a biker. He was like this tough guy that liked to fuck with Joey. And Joey was like I will cut you. And he was willing to. This is Joey like fresh out of jail Joey. No I know. This is Joey like 30 years ago Joey. It's a different Joey. Yeah and this is Dice just wanting to do the pop in. Well also me for then back then it was just so weird to be around you. Because I've told the story before but when I was 19 years old me and my girlfriend were sitting in my fucking car in front of my house I'll never forget it. And we're listening to Dice the cassette. And we're howling laughing. She was crying. She was just going ahhhh. She just kept like slapping her arms. And I just remember thinking this before I even thought about doing an open mic. I just kept thinking how the fuck is someone so funny. I remember listening to that cassette. It was so good. It was so fun. It was so silly. And just me as a kid as a 19 year old kid trying to find my way in life. It's just like so just for me being around. When I came to the store I used to be like holy shit that's Dice Clay. It was weird. Listen first off I appreciate the things you say and that you have said when I'm out here. But am I allowed to tell you how proud I am of you? You can tell me how. Yeah if you want. No because I have watched you. See people forget your beginning. You know I remember to stand up. I remember you want to hit sitcom. I remember. It wasn't really a hit. It was a hit. It was a hit. It was a hit. But I remember what I do remember and you've brought this up on the show where I was like I had like a few weeks off I would do half a million people and then come home for a few weeks. That was my touring. You know we'll get into all that. We could show a clip. I think I sent the clip of me just standing on stage at the garden not even talking. And so what happened is I'm back because I would book 20 cities at a clip. And honestly we all know this is before any kind of social media. This is 35 years ago. Yes. The ad was the size of the pad which if you notice says Rogan. I bought a pad to make notes. Do you understand? I understand. I appreciate it. You know. I like how they're written big too. Don't forget the back page. The back page. Yeah. That's a whole pad that I'll never use. What you didn't notice. I'm not in leather. You're wearing. Are you going vegan on me? No. This is daytime days. Oh daytime days. Why would I wear a show leather during the day? I understand. I understand. So I gave you the motorcycle. I gave you the gloves but we went cotton. I like it. All out. Casual. New York. Comfortable. Back then. I see you hanging outside. This is the first time we talk really. And I come over to you. You're just in the back parking lot. The same area where Diaz was going to cut someone's throat weeks earlier. All right. And you're just hanging out you know. And I said how you doing? I introduced myself and you were really respectful really nice. You still are. And I said what are you doing here? And you said what do you mean? I'm you know I'm a comic. I'm going to do a set. I go no. What are you doing here? You know at the store. You know for twenty five dollars. I go you're on in my opinion a hit show. A hit sitcom. I go you can be out there making tens of thousands of dollars on the road. And you let and I'm thinking who's his manager. Like I wanted to call the manager go why do you have your client at the store when he's on a hit show when in three days he could go make himself fifteen twenty grand in a minute. You know and you were looking at me going really. Yeah that's what it's about. Well this is what I tell everybody this. I remember where we were standing. You came up to me like you should do the road. Right outside the back door. Why are you doing the road. I was like why aren't I doing the road. I should probably do the road. I mean it was a lot of it was like sitcoms are a lot of work especially in the early days there was like sixteen hour days and you're exhausted and I just was happy to just still be doing stand up. So I'd go to the store. I didn't have any friends. I just moved there. So I'd go to the store after I did my work all day and I could do a set. That's sort of why I did it. You know but it was just so great the way you looked at me like really. Like I could be making more than twenty five. I knew I could be making money. And we all know what the store is about. It's not about money. The store is that college, the comics that we all. The hang out. It's just the greatest place. It's the greatest place. Well now there's two great places. Now we've got the mothership. We basically did the store in Texas. But you telling me that changed my life. It did because then I started touring. I listened to you. That's why you're sitting right here right now. That's why when your show elevated to this level you were getting texting from me. Because I was there before you in a different way. But let me tell you something. When you're the first guy to do what I did. I always looked up to Eddie Murphy. I think he's the absolute greatest from stand up to the films he's done. And that's sort of the career I wanted. I figured I would just go from doing millions of people on the road to just movie stardom. But I got the backlash. You were the first to get the backlash. I was the first. Ban from MTV. Ban from MTV. Ban from MTV for jokes. You're bringing up stuff I want to bring up. But alright so with MTV this is what you'll love. This is the part you don't know. Well didn't they approve that set anywhere? No they didn't. They didn't approve anything. They didn't know? No see you know this is the thing. You know I always had an expression. Nobody fucks with dice. Dice does. The fucking. In the past. The present. The future in a day. Dice ultimately. In the multiverse. Does the fucking. That's it. In the multiverse. So I come for the rehearsal and my whole job was to hit my mark and ladies and gentlemen I remember it. The last Puritan. Cher. And I make that move with my hand. Cher. Okay. So I'm getting ready and they already had a couple comics on that just tanked you know Paul Reiser and I think he's great but. Tough crowds. You don't come out on the MTV Awards at the Universal Amphitheater and talk about the Hacks Sinatra War. I'm looking at my friend going look at the crowd. It's like he's not even in the room. You know my friend says to me he goes well you could go out there and you could either be a teardrop or you could be a tidal wave. You know you. Okay. So. I don't really want to go nuts. I'm trying to do the right thing. I got the biggest manager ever Sandy Gallin who had everybody from Whoopi to Stallone to Dolly Parton. I mean I'm sure you know the name Sandy Gallin. Okay. So biggest manager in Hollywood. So I'm trying to do the right thing. And so now I don't know a minute before I go out. Arsenio's the host. Here comes Dick Clark who. Wow Dick Clark. You know you grew up watching this man and he comes over just to hear him call me dice was hilarious. And he goes look dice. If you got a stretch Arsenio will come over to you and you'll play around and I go whoa whoa. Wait a minute. What do you mean stretch stretch what you know. What am I stretching my dick. What are you doing. I'm not even kidding. He goes no. You know because Cher might not be ready. I go no no no. We didn't work anything out me and Arsenio and I had no problem with Arsenio. But you know this is a standalone spot you know. And he goes well this is the way things go. Don't fucking tell me how things go. OK. You're not my boss. You know. And as I'm getting angry at him which in my mind I'm going are you really getting angry at Dick Clark. Right. They start introducing me. Well I come out there now I'm angry. Now everybody's going to pay. Now everybody will be disciplined. And I don't know how I did the set but I went into the poems. Now you got to understand this is not HBO or Showtime. This is MTV. This is everybody gets this. It's free. You know. I go into the poems and what was the poem. Oh that got me banned. I go Georgie Porgie putting in pie. Jerked off in his girlfriend's eye. When I was dry and shut Georgie fucked that one eyed slut. Oh. And the crowd's going fucking crazy. So I figured go into my fat girl stuff. And that ended with you don't know where the tits begin and the belly ends. It's like one big glop of shit. Right. And I go now I go because they gave me a signal. Ladies and gentlemen the last period in Cher and she comes out singing. If I could turn back time which is what everybody was thinking in the room. If we could turn back time about eight minutes. But in the meantime while I'm doing the act. Dick Clark goes to charge me and our scenario jumps on his back and tackles him. Dicks. The cars trying to stop your sick clock was going to jump. He went out of his fucking mind. Oh my God. I'll put it to you that way. So now now I come off the stage. Eddie right. Jamie. Listen Jamie. Young Jamie. Young Jamie. So now they're taking me into the press tents. Not one question was asked. And it was all the press in the world. Sandy Gallon calls me at home. He goes I was praying that what I was watching on TV was only coming through my television. Dan I get a call you know from a club owner. Remember Rascals and West Orange. Yes. The owner Mark Magnum said great greatest guy. So Kenison was there who I always say he was having a rivalry with me. I was happy for him when his career took off. I was thrilled for him. He had no problem with me because I was on the show crime story at the time. And he was doing I don't know four or five thousand seats a night. He was the guy before I took off when my career took off. It went straight to arenas. I was doing 80 to 100 thousand people a week and he just couldn't handle it for whatever reason. But he goes so Kenison's watching this going. That's it. He's done. He's finished. In the meantime the reality was I went from doing one arena show. Let's say at the Spectrum in Philly to two arena shows or three arena shows where Bill Burr saw me in Boston. Whatever arena I did there. At one show went to three shows. It just got bigger and bigger and bigger. Nothing was hurting. And so the next day there's this big meeting at MTV and Rick Rubin was there. You know and you know my my people that I worked with Sandy Gell. All these but it was the presidents that banning me for life you know which is hilarious. I'm not even a singer. You know. Yeah. I'm like some band. Look at the numbers. Right. And but Dick Clark. This is why Dick Clark became Dick Clark because the guy that was trying to tackle and beat me to a pulp for what I was doing is standing there. His hair is now fixed the next day. And he says to a room full of executives when they're banning me for life he goes are you sure you want to do that. Because Rick Rubin told me. He goes this guy is the biggest thing in the world right now. And you're banning him for life. It was just one of the crazy moments of the backlash of my career. And like I said this is 1990. You know this is years before the arena comedy today which you do and Bill does. Yeah. So many. Nobody was doing it. Nobody was doing that off. Right. I mean it was a goal of mine because honestly if I was just being honest I never gave a fuck about stand up. It's not why I do it. You know I came in to stand up because I just figured instead of going to an acting school once a week you know why not get on a stage and develop your own method of acting. You know and I could be on a stage every single night and I'd be at the comedy store and I'd see all these comics there and they would stand. See that was great about you. You didn't stand there like a stick figure. You were all over the stage. You were performing. But when I came to the comedy store even got Atlanta great comics Seinfeld all great comics but they'd stand there like like like they were in assembly class. And if the five six minutes I get bored and walk out of the room and when I would go back to Brooklyn my mother who was the one who had the look and the personality it's where I get that you know that balls bigger than you know brass ball thing and I would tell her about the comics and I go about the only one that would move is Richard Lewis you know because his whole act was about it's all a nightmare and he would pace and he would just make me laugh my ass off and I would tell her about all these comics but I come from music I come from drumming singing dancing and my mother would say to me well what are you going to do you know I go you know what I'll just become the Elvis a comedy I go that's who I love you know that that's my confidence that was my true belief my true statement I said these guys they're all okay but I go my if you you know that comics would always just be opening acts with singers you know and I didn't put much into that you know I didn't care about that so if I'm gonna do this if I'm gonna work on this at the same time I'm working on acting chops just become the biggest the world has ever seen you know that's how I looked at it it was that simple of a thought to me you know that's how it all began do you think that you made that happen with your mind but do you ever wonder about that like if you think about all the success you've had and even like the downsides do you ever wonder like how much of it you actually create with your mind I believe that and you have to use a realistic thought with anything you want to do in life you can't walk around saying I'm gonna become a neurosurgeon right you know do you know what just by a chance do you know Dr. Rock Palatano no I don't he's my toe and heel guy oh in New York he said he gave you the book Street Smart he might have he's yeah my yeah he's great foot I've been to foot doctors for eight years now he's fixing my feet I might have met him and forgot yeah but so he said he gave you this book okay but anyway yeah I'm at doctors all the time we'll get into that what's on your foot but um I don't know I didn't feel my toes for about eight years oh yeah nerve blockage no I see he really did the the number like checking out my feet from every angle every and he goes you don't have see this is what I do like about you you have a thirst for knowledge and your guests you have everything from maniacs like me to scientists to doctors I love that about you thirst for knowledge but just the fact you know about nerve damage in the feet is impressive to me so but it wasn't the nerve damage and he explained what it was under my toes and now he goes your toes have been inflamed for eight years he goes that's the problem he goes this other idiot you went to that's telling you to stretch your toes did it work so Palatano and I love that he's from Brooklyn he's from Bensonhurst everybody in the office is from Brooklyn and they're in New York so that's why there was even a conversation because I was there twice last week and I said yeah I'm gonna do Joe Ruggins and he goes I gave him my book Street Smart because he also wrote a book on Joe DiMaggio he lived with him for 10 years oh he does sports you know that's what he's known for so so this guy's really helping me and like you know it's funny I'm in bed with my my my sugarplum that you met outside and you know I should be thinking about having action and I'm going look I could wiggle my toes look at that you know but she gets it because she's gone through a lot with me since we've been together and that's just one of the problems but but yeah I love you know your thirst for knowledge I'm not looking to get away from the data left the dog I'll do something special with that but when I remember I said about a little beef with you get a beef with me yeah what did I do wrong Vincent Jamie it's Jamie Vincent fits you though if you think about it I'm from Brooklyn Jamie all right so before I'm getting dressed today and I can't even figure out do I give daytime dice do I give nighttime dice do I do a Brooklyn sweatshirt all the clothes I brought for this I like what you did you know it's good it works it's the right perfect perfect he nailed it she's going do you want to wear the ADC she's very involved I understand you spoke to her you see yes she is lovely woman she's got a corporate very smart I'm crazy about her more than congratulations it's the love of my life I'll say that on the air I believe you know and um I mean it's it's actually the first girl I got a during the pandemic oh I got her you know at the airport and um I'll get into that later but the point is it's the only girl since I'm 17 that I've ever lived with we haven't had an argument in nearly four years and that has not been my life as you know yeah so well the point I was making I brought you up and I said you know I'm gonna I'm gonna have to to do this podcast right I gotta tell Joe my feelings about the thing we were talking about last night and I don't want him mad because I've always said the one person I've told this to so many comics I go the one person you never want to fuck with and get angry is Rogan that includes me you know I go you can fuck with any comic they're all insecure they they get scared if they see a fly I go don't fuck with Rogan because you're another guy that does the fucking and she goes well are you gonna tell him this I go you know what I owe it to myself because if I don't tell him this then I'm not the man I say I am you know the lion isn't the king it's the tiger yes tigers fuck up lions do you understand what you've done to me yeah they're bigger no but you don't get it my whole life I've based off the lion being the king of the jungle I have a gold lion with diamonds in it I have a mat do you know why they're the king of the jungle I saw it all explained well I'll tell you why because the tiger doesn't live there no but the point is I see this whole thing with the tiger kicking the shit Mike I have I have a production company named brave lion lions are amazing it's been my no but he's not the king anymore he's a jerk off animal with a good head dude that's all the lion is to me they have a much better relationship though with the other lions the lion is the king you know why because the king doesn't necessarily have to be the baddest motherfucker the king just has to be a real like an alpha dominant male of the pride but the the cat with cats like tigers are more solitary they have a totally different kind of relationship but I would have named a brave tiger yeah but you don't want to be a tiger you want to be a lion lions are more admirable well my thing was with the lion when the lion gets backed against the wall his claws grow and that's why he could beat the shit out of everybody like when he feels corny like he could take down a bear because the claws right no no well they're just really good predators and they might not be able to take down a bear bears are pretty fucking huge and ferocious and no very invulnerable their body's very thick I saw that and I'm like are you kidding me here yeah tigers would destroy a lion because your case is very strong the thing is though lions have a terrible existence in the end because the male lions they gang up on him and kill him yeah and I heard it's the chick that kicks everybody's ass well the chicks do all the hunting female lions all the hunting so basically the guy sits around he reads the newspaper like he's worthless all you all the male does is protect his children from other males and protect the females from being bred by the males because that's the whole game the whole game is who controls the breeding and then the moment they ostracize the male they take the alpha and they force them out either they kill him or they gravely injure him they kill all the babies all of his babies all his boys all right so it's a rough neighborhood so I don't I don't have to change the name no no no lions are amazing they they're more complicated so you're saying that lion stills the king yeah lions are the king what tigers are is just this ultra beautiful killing machine that's what they are they're a different thing yeah they don't have like the same nobility though when a lion's sitting there over his pride and the females are all out hunting that's that's a wild that's an amazing creature yeah that's how I look at it and then I see the thing with the tiger well and you know for two days now she's going are you really going to talk about this you know you're going to bring up the points the the uh yeah there's a there's a balance to all of it the pyramid thing pyramids yeah okay yeah she goes you're really going to bring that up and she goes you know how you are you know you're not that academic and I go I go yeah I go I gotta admit like and you even probably know this you're never going to find two dice fans that are arguing over what college do you think dice went to you're never going to find those fans one of them might say something like well I heard he lived near a college yeah you know what I mean so but you know with the pyramid thing why not just on that what about the pyramid why not why north what's out no north like north you know how you guess uh they point north south east and west north no but there's a reason like they're north or something well the pyramid is the way it's set on the earth it it it points directly north south east and west apparently like like find out what the the way the pyramid is aligned with the earth there's also the height of the pyramid yeah there's like a lot of mathematics but this is all like randal carls and stuff the world yeah the eucalyptus yeah you know with the with and everything it's also the three pyramids aligned with these certain stars in the sky and the o'rion belt it's there's a lot of complicated stuff with the pyramids yeah because you really delve into this stuff now delve is not an easy word I'll tell you that thing's and you know delve is not an easy word it's hard to use and that's how I learned this del you know I figure no but okay the giza pyramid oriented to the face of the four cardinal directions true north south east and west their entrances are all on the north side and the temple of the pyramids are on the east side so somehow or another they aligned it to true north south east and west two million three hundred thousand stones the great pyramid giza they don't know how they moved them there they don't know how they put it yeah that's what i'm saying so we really don't even know I've been obsessed with that since I was born are you thinking alien um I think more likely there was a very advanced civilization and they got wiped out by some natural disaster I think where we are right now I think another civilization before us was maybe more evolved than us or more more advanced than us just in a different way and their way was these immense stone structures with like yeah because there was nothing around they had to bring them from somewhere well they brought them from they know the quarries where they brought them from some of them were 500 miles away but how perfectly insane perfect just not not just insane how smooth and cut they were but supposedly those people didn't even have steel supposedly they were working with copper tools and also the the methods they used there was some sort of diamond saws because there's cuts in some of them that indicate a very high rpm drill that they used there's all these corings where it seems like like the stone's been cored by these super sophisticated machinery that we don't understand today we don't know what they used we don't know where they got it we don't know where it is now we don't know what happened I think Randall Carlson's explanation and Graham Hancock's explanations are the best and those what they talk about is that there was a verified 100 percent impact on earth somewhere 11,800 years ago and not just here not just like in North America but all over Europe they find nano diamonds and they find evidence of iridium which is very common in space and very rare on earth so they think that civilization got wiped out so that's what I think the pyramids are I think the pyramids are the best evidence of that insanely advanced civilization that existed 20,000 years ago maybe even more I think our timeline is fucked up and Graham Hancock says it best he said that we're a civilization with amnesia that's what I think but maybe aliens too yeah this is why I stick to comedy that it really is but that's what I love about you that you know I actually feel like it's your thirst for learning and everything that has brought you to this level where you are today well it's definitely helped me a lot because the all the people that I wanted to talk to it's because I wanted to talk to them it wasn't because like a publicist set it up and it you know like look like beneficial or something like that like all these weird scientists and archaeologists and interesting people yeah that's what's amazing about the show yes on any given day it could be a scientist a doctor a comedian you know that's why you're you're sitting where you are right now and I just you know I'm just giving you uh is that word I'm just giving you kudos thank you sir appreciate it like I was really like I was saying just really proud when when I heard you made the deal and you know the whole thing because I I know what that feels like when you go from a level you thought that was it to this whole other stratosphere I know what you were entering and that's why I was texting you at the beginning and even writing things to you like don't just give away your money because I know how it gets when you hit that level I used to give away just so I mean bums we'd get five thousand I always at that time just carried I'm not even and if you're missing a limb it was ten grand I'm not even kidding and uh I remember being outside the comedy store and there's a lady you might have even seen her back then she had two kids and you know the shopping cart from Ralph's whatever and I'm just feeling bad going this woman doesn't even have a place to live and I just take our five grand cash I go here go get yourself a place to live you know don't you think she was back the next night for another five grand was it yeah I couldn't believe but that was it um that was one guy really felt bad for a guy and it was Chicago and this isn't to say how good I am because people go what charities are you involved I give money when I see people that need money you know I'm not saying I never gave to a charity but I'm saying I don't need the bullshit of going oh what a good person he's involved in this right it's just not there's a bit of a scam to yeah I I give personally so I saw a guy in the rain hopping around on one leg and crutches I gave this guy 10 grand I put it right in his pocket and I walked away you know another guy chased me down the block in a wheelchair that I put five grand in his cup like he really looks like what I put in his cup and he came I go just take it brother it's good you know just let it be good for you you know that's the way I like to do things but I would get hit up by every comic I get calls for cards my wife's a little sick can you see I just need three grand you know they'd ask for thousands like it was nothing so when you took off I was like just tell this guy take care of your family that's it you know I'm not saying never take care of a buddy if he's you know and die his straights but I'm just saying everybody comes out of the woodwork and the level you went to and the press you got about it um you know I would tell my girlfriend and my son's they go this guy's gonna be hit from all angles I want to see what this does to him and you've kept it together incredible thank you you know and another thing I'm looking forward to is I'll talk about the comedy store but the mothership I hear it's just I can't wait to show you I can't wait to be there because it's you know I know how much you love mitzi in the store and you were didn't you like start building it and just redo it because you didn't like how it was going well not really I started at a different place I bought a different place and there's a problem with the building so I had to get another building but I just hear from everybody like that it is just number one like it's just the greatest club you could play and that's why I'm excited can can I even say I'm just doing the show yeah you know I want people to know I'm not even I don't want any money for it I just want it you have been you know you've just been great about me like I see all the episodes like with Tarantino with any comic that comes I could even see the comics get aggravated because they want to talk about their own career and I'm not going to say names but I see them you know and you're going no but when dice did it it was a fucking explosion he goes yeah and you'll say it you'll go a lot of the comics today they do arenas but if dice didn't did it do it we wouldn't be doing it yeah it was an explosion and that's why I even gave him that you know clip of the garden which was filmed for a movie and um but yeah coming up you know at at the store with I'm gonna well what was great for us was that you still came around that for us I loved it for guys but for guys like me who were just coming up who could barely headline on the road to be hanging out with you that you would come and hang out with us it was amazing well it was like dice is like a normal guy but this is yeah and I can be yeah but this is how smart you are so I'm filming this is even before reality became reality and I never got it out there so there's all these new comics at the store Ari you know Bobby Lee uh uh uh uh Maz Jibrani Steve Runnaz easy all these new comics that would you know like I'm holding court you know because they can't they can't believe them over there so I've been filming myself since I made it all right so I'm filming at the store every night calling it the show like I'd be kicking waitresses out of the kitchen I changed the lighting in the kitchen I put like red and blue bulbs so the lighting wasn't harsh you know and a waitress could be in there getting an order you know and I go uh you're in my shot you gotta leave the kitchen and it's amazing how I just filmed and filmed and filmed and one night you're looking and you got this puzzled look and I'm like in it you know and you come over to me and go guys can I just ask you something um what what's with the camera I see you every night filming like I'm in it like like I'm being my own Tarantino right and I go no I film everything I've always filmed everything and I don't know it couldn't have been more than a few weeks you had a guy with you see that's why you've made it in the business because you took it and go yeah why shouldn't I film what I'm doing in my life we definitely decided to film some you but you were doing like sketches yeah but that no I called it the show it was a natural reality show and I used to love like even Paulie would come in and go dude what are you filming I go the show he goes what show dude I go it's my show it's a reality show with all the guys you're hysterical I put clips up on my on my phone all the time what like what possesses you to do these videos where you just like walk up to people okay are we going to show them now don't want to let's show some okay but don't show it don't show it there's a reason okay okay it's the same thing that possessed you to do those videos back then no obviously this is different okay obviously you loved the day the laughter died yes okay now I can't let you keep this but I could let you wear it for a little because you're wearing that this is the hat I wore and there's even pictures I sent the traps last night um I can wear it is that what you're saying yeah I want I want whatever though because this is the hat I wore and he's got pictures of me on stage at Dangerfield recording it there we are okay that's a nice hat you know come on yeah what do you think bro this hat smells terrible what are you talking about it's like cabbage no but I know you like it so I want you to wear it wait a minute that's good okay because there were two hacks I did three nights take a snippet of that hat for real really yeah yeah all right you don't have to wear it okay if you want to take a picture you'll take a picture okay you know like cabbage you know awful so anyway I do you know at the height of doing arenas because honestly you know I almost laughed at it today because when I would go on sale we put 20 shows on sale let's say it's we go on sale Friday morning 10 o'clock Monday tickets are going okay half a million tickets gone and then I go do the tours but what I like like you said how I like to hang at the store even after I did the LA forum okay now at the forum you had you know number one uh at the end of my shows this is the stuff people never really realize unless they've come to a dice concert the last 20 minutes to a half hour is all music you know and I'm not I would do I would do from Luther Vandross love one let me wait and you would think that's what I came there to see because I didn't send a clip of that but the audience would explode when I would get to the bridge of the song and but I would do the Elvis stuff you know but I'd really do it I think I sent them Elvis um it there's a we don't get to hear it yeah but you have that's you of course that's amazing that's a pretty fucking good Elvis impression no but the thing is pretty fucking solid impression no but that's what I'm saying see nobody when I would be when they would write me up back then you know every journalist was after my ass they would never write about this stuff when I would do I would do the full-on grease lightning I had an eight-piece band but when I did and I would also close with a giant drum solo to the Santana song Soul Sacrifice and when I did the forum besides my band which were all Brooklyn guys who's on stage with me doing Elvis and the Soul Sacrifice Duff McKagan from Guns N' Roses and Slash they came to rehearse we did it people went berserk they're in my dressing room with sliced alone with Cher I think we got picked is that a drum one you got to see the dance did you like doing this more than the stand-up 100 percent really you can kind of tell because I get to entertain yeah watch look at you go so so you were upset that they never brought this stuff they would never write it up you know they just made like it was an hour of just foul language and that was it and my father used to get crazy from it because he's the one he was behind me from day one you know and he had at that my father went from having a toy store to being a big builder like in Staten Island he was the first builder to go into Staten Island and build like the newer homes and we lived there from I was seven till I was 12 and we basically got chased out well he got chased out of there you know he knew he had a lead because he wasn't a gangster so and the gangsters were taking over Staten Island they were just they would build the houses across the freeway there was no zoning laws so we went to Florida for like six months and then back to Brooklyn you know from 13 to 21 and then I was out in LA doing the Travolta rack that's how it started me doing Travolta which I gave you pictures even me holding up how closely we looked the same you know it was a whole Travolta rack and even the way that started you know was um you know I saw travel I was always able to do yeah this is pretty close wait show the other one where I'm greased up is there another one oh yeah that's my I'm doing my first interview so I'm working for my father on court street now he has a process serving agency and that's how I would walk around because once I got into it I became it so I'm picking up summonses from attorneys walking in as that and I'm doing Travolta I'm going yeah you have some summonses for royal process serving you know yeah I'm doing Vinnie Barbour tour listen to this you're gonna die I swear you're gonna crack up right this was when that was on the air this is no yes yes and this is after fever hit the the way I got can I take these off yeah so the way I got into it so since I was in high school when Travolta hit with barbareno I realized I could do like the perfect barbareno but what am I going to do with it other than entertaining high school kids now he comes out with fever and he dances great but the night I saw grease was the night my life changed and there was no videos back then you understand so I'm coming home and I'm like if I could turn from an impression I'm doing since I'm a kid seven years old Jerry Lewis the nutty professor who would turn into buddy love but if I could turn into Travolta from from professor kelp it would just kill as an act only I would I never do anything fake so I had to be able to sing as Travolta doing grease lightning as you saw live so I go to a studio in Brooklyn where because I knew that's what I would do I would drum sing but so I knew about you know where bands would go to to record albums so I went to a studio on King's highway in Brooklyn called fly studios and I bring the fever album and I bring grease and I asked these guys can you get the lead vocal out of grease lightning because I'm not going to do it fake if I can't sound like him I'm not doing the act they got it out I rehearsed for three weeks doing this act that these two guys and I know it sounds like one of my old jokes what are your names Neil and Bob was that like what you do you know that was a headline but the guys that own the studio's names were Neil and Bob okay so these guys are watching me you know I'm in the part where you could record and they're working you know the whole you know the board and I come out of the bathroom looking like Jerry Lewis the nutty professor I'm like talking to the mirror and actually uh actually I'm a pity lady for the gentleman and uh I have my magic formula and I take the formula and I'd say okay hit the music there was an intro and I'd be in the dark rip off the Jerry Lewis stuff and now I'm Travolta from Greece and I did that act at Pips in Brooklyn which I think you got a picture of the owner with Rodney Dangerfield outside the club um so I I got a Pips on audition night and I come up as Jerry Lewis I got my whole family there my mother my father my sister and because I'm telling don't forget come to Pips but what what was amazing when I put the act together I had to sit in the theater all day and watch Greece with a pad like this and write down names for the moves Travolta was doing or else I'd forget when I would rehearse the act that you were seeing that the guy in the middle his name is George Schultz you know and Pips was the first real comedy club in America and it spawned Rodney what year was that uh I don't know what year they opened I think he opened in the 60s and he George himself should have been a comic he just wasn't okay but he gave Rodney the line I don't get no respect at least yeah and he helped different David Brenner every time he was gonna do 62 holy shit yeah and 62 it was a sushi place so Mambo sushi look at that and he turned it into Pips David Brenner anytime Brenner was gonna do the Carson show George would help him with his set so when the business wasn't doing well Brenner would give them all kinds of money to survive and the two sons ran the club so I show up there my parents are there now picture your parents now your your own parents watching Joe go on stage doing an impression he was doing it five going really this is why we're here and I'm on stage I'm still 20 years old doing the Jerry Lewis actually ladies and it's a Brooklyn crowd just booing the fuck get the fuck off you fucking suck and I'm just committed I go I have put together a formula like it okay I take the formula Seth Schultz no shut the lights I turn my back to the crowd they're they're screaming you got a hundred people 99 people screaming to get out of the off the stage I'm slicking my head back I'm staying calm music starts it's from fever ladies and gentlemen to disco inferno ladies and gentlemen somebody new somebody exciting and at that ladies and gentlemen Andrew Clay and I turn around with that that when you saw me in the leather jacket that look and I just pose and I start like a fake walk like Travolta and fever and they're starting to scream now it's turning I wait because I always wait even to this day when I'm on stage I just wait and um so I wait till it quiets down I come up to the mic and I'm like so you thought it couldn't be done right the place went nuts now I talk about the car here comes grease lightning when I did grease lightning you're talking about Brooklyn animals and I know you know about that stuff because you're from Boston you know what kind of our east coast people yeah they were throwing tables over they're going fucking berserk I don't even know what just happened and as I'm leaving with my family here come the two sons go wait a minute where you going you know who are you like what is that you know they go we you got a manager you know and I just look at my father I go yeah he's right here and even my family is stunned from what they just witnessed and they go um we want to book your son to headline this coming weekend you know what and I go first time on stage first time on stage and and I said what you saw tonight that's that's the whole act they go just do what you did tonight just do that and they go it's not a lot of money it's $50 I go you think I care but we don't care about the money like I couldn't believe what I was hearing and then we went to a diner and she said bae and nobody could even talk for like 10 minutes and then my mother's like Andrew when did you think of this you know it was so great and then everybody starts talking about what just happened I was shell shocked because I'm not thinking they're gonna go nuts I thought it was a clever idea you know and it built from there and within six months I'm doing my own shows where my father's selling tickets at danger fields what year was this uh this is 1978 the first time on stage was September 13th 78 so you really hit about like eight years later 10 years February 13th 88 Rodney Special. When did your cassette come out then? Well Rick Rubin met the first when was like the first one? No you're talking about the Black Album yes yes yes that came out right about the same time the Rodney Special aired okay okay I was at the Laugh Factory when it was just an 80 seat room before he opened up okay I must have been 21 then I thought it was 19 I gotta see it up memory okay and that makes sense actually now I think about the girl between sets I went over to Greenblatt's to get a cup of coffee and I'm with this screenplay writer uh his name was Mark I forgot his last name actually sorry sorry Mark anyway we're getting coffee and here comes this guy you know Rick Rubin with the beard the whole and he's with this little like heavyset guy and here comes some asshole you know and um he goes yeah can I can I you know he's soft-spoken can I speak with you a minute and I do have a Brooklyn attitude I'll admit it you know and I go yeah well yeah what can I do for you pal I gotta do another show you know and then the guy Mark that's with me goes aren't you Rick Rubin and I'm looking at him I'm going who's Rick he goes he basically created rap and Rick goes yeah I uh I want to do an album with you and I don't want to bother you I'm gonna go next door and watch the second show you know because I had to do another show and that time me and Rick met and we wound up doing five albums together hmm you know and we were a great team together I mean you know he's Rick Rubin and I mean sometimes we would disagree but you can't get Rick mad he's an interesting cat well very different human being right oh it you know I said it Rick one time you know when dice rules that where I do Grease Lightning that was Dice Rules the album okay besides the movie and I go did they yeah I was at West Westwood One Radio something like that and on the way back you know I say to Rick I go did they put up all the posters like you said they were gonna do you know and he goes I suppose and I'm looking at it I go you're the boss don't you know what I told him to put it up like you can't get even if he didn't like something on an album and you know I could get heated you know I'm that kind of personality I'm like I don't give a fuck it's not your fucking album well then I suppose you'll do what you like I'm like don't you ever get mad didn't you ever have a fight and he goes actually I never had a fight hmm I go you never got a punch in the face I go he goes no I go well you're about to if you don't just get mad at me at least like yell at me but great guy and we had great experience so when it came to the day the laughter died so me and Rick put out hit albums and this is right like I think after dice rules these are high-powered comedy albums to sell millions of copies so this you're like mitzi's involved in it this is great so um me and Rick are talking and I go you know you know how much I love going on late at night and just you know no reaction because that time my career got made I was always like one of the last few acts at night at the comedy store you know of course of the kind of stuff I did so there's you know people sitting quiet you got a drunk in the front with his head on the table and you got four people that are just too tired to leave you've had those oh yeah you know and I go I want to do like the ultimate late night set you know and he sort of had the same thought process like we just go unsuspecting crowd you know and this is like you would say at the height of doing the arenas what you know craziness surrounded me at that time it was like the lady gaga of stand-up comedy you know and now I just want to go up in front of a few people with no notes with no idea of what the album's gonna be and we we do three nights at danger fields and it winds up the double cd the day the laughter died okay and I'm just loving it you know the silence the smoke you could hear me smoke you know people walking out you know and we didn't cut any of it you know like I said keep it in there you know it's great you know I really got angry you know this family that came in see this will lead to it could set me up for saturday night live to tell you stuff but so that this family comes in these real fucking out of town is from I don't know mid-west bible belt you know whatever they were but they wore wearing the same coat and the same hat with the with the ball on top two daughters mother father they're sitting in the front and the more I got into them the more the father left and I got angry at that because I'm going this guy I would imagine in my mind that this guy really looks to fuck around with his daughters they were old enough you know they were like I don't remember the ages but I don't know young 20s late teens and I'm going why is this motherfucker laughing when I'm doing this instead of going like cut it out because I know if I was sitting there with my two daughters and some comic some asshole on stage is going so you like to have her on your lap or whatever I said on the album you know I look at the guy go walk away from me my family or there's a problem you know that's how I would get this guy's laughing and I'm angry about it you know so the more he would laugh the more I would go after this motherfucker but there's also no laughs that's the part I did enjoy the actual silence of the room or somebody walking out and yelling what's that there's a famous one line on that you're about as funny as a glass of milk you know the album better than me which is ridiculous why would you know that's it I love that album let me tell you how I found out about that album there's a great comic in Boston named Mike Dunavon Mike Dunavon got the album I know that name you know that he's a very funny comic very good guy and he was a great guy when I was an open miker would give you real good advice he was the first guy to tell me take a tape recorder on stage he goes sometimes you say things you forgot what you said like sometimes you said it a different way and it's much better you got to listen to recordings Mike Dunavon got a hold of your CD and he was in the back room of the fucking comedy connection howling laughing at you doing nicks I'll do nicks it in that ass and that to him was like one of the funniest fucking things this guy was he was laughing so hard he was like he's a fucking psycho he's out there bombing he doesn't give a fuck there's no laughs and it's hilarious it's so ridiculous this guy loved it and and I went out and got it and I remember you know at the time I was really young in comedy and like for me the idea of wanting this out there didn't even make any sense like why would he do this you don't know how much that means to me see that's what I look like to hear you know it was amazing to me because people try to pigeonhole you as this one-dimensional thing and that is that you're you're missing the beauty of what he does I always tell people this I go from the first of all he's the first guy ever in stand-up that people knew the jokes and wanted to say the punch line along with him it became a different thing I go you have to understand he cracked a code well this rhyme thing what you did was it was comedy plus like it was another level of enjoyment and to this day if I don't close my shows with the poems oh yeah the audience complaints no I think I have to you know there's it was a different thing and people and then the fact that in the height of your stardom you chose to do the day the laughter died I'm like do you not understand what he's doing this is beautiful performance art also to me it's a like you said before it's an acting piece yeah it was always about the acting I got to see you do fucking who knows how many sets late at night unannounced you would just show up and start insulting people the idea to laugh call it I remember what you would call it dice that's a lab call it I remember what you would call it dice mean yeah tastes I don't know it's nice mean but let me tell you what the backlash of the day the laughter died so the first one all right so sandy gallon was the manager yes david gefen put out the albums rick produced him and uh barry diller ran fox studios that's where I had my movie deal yeah so I get called into david gefen's office and he goes you know and I'm with rick and he's like okay can you explain this to me you know and I go what needs to be said he goes there's no people there's you know there's there's nothing it's terrible you know you know and I go yeah and rick is laughing because rick does have a great sense of humor you know rick loved it oh he loved it he loves chaos he loves it so I go no but do you understand it it's never been and I'm the first I go that's what I like being like that's why I do brag about being the first arena comic you know like you know when I think back to my idols like Elvis Presley you know now everybody's into Elvis all these years later you know and Elvis fans from way back are always Elvis fans but when I saw the 68 comeback special at 12 once again I'm there with my mother going I can be that now I wasn't thinking singer or comic just that whole image you know and as I grew up she bought me a leather the next day a fake leather that was five times too big at JC Penney for 20 dollars you know because I begged tough for it but she would she would encourage you know so now I'm on the couch doing Elvis not even knowing how to play the guitar I had you know so his image was so bigger than life and I took it in a lot different than other people because in comedy why would I because of the drums and the singing I go just become the Elvis a comedy comedy is self-deprecating which in today at 65 years old I am self-deprecating on stage and I got a lot to be self-deprecating about but when I was 25 30 years old there was no self-deprecation you know that was the difference between dice and the other comics and mitzi herself told me when I stopped doing the Travolta Act and started doing dice she said it's never gonna work and I go yeah why's that and she goes number one it's too tough and it's not self-deprecating I go just leave me at the westwood comedy store let me worry about it and mitzi loved me from the first day she met me when I came down what I called the runway walk from westwood she called I wanted my audition did the store did a 28 minute audition and this uh mc starts screaming at me when I come off the stage I didn't know who he was and he goes you're never gonna play this fucking club again this I go are you the owner because I'm 21 so I'm a bit I'm a 21 year old Brooklynite who doesn't give a fuck if you're in my way I'm gonna get you out of my way so I said are you the owner of the club and he goes no I go well I didn't come 3000 miles to do three minutes so get out of my way I get a call from the comedy store I was staying with a friend you're playing westwood tonight you gotta come sign papers at the comedy store so I go to westwood there was a lady that from Brooklyn to Dell after my set she goes mitzi wants to meet you so this is I got signed as a regular first night okay because I did that whole travallter act and by then Stallone I'm doing Sly is rocky in it and um so I come to the store and she's standing with August and Ollie Joel and Alan Stevens who I'm great friends with today and you know just a bith maynard I don't even think you met some of these guys by the time you know I met Alan okay well Alan's around Alan's great you know he was always around and I love Alan and he's one of my best friends actually and he worked on Roseanne's show too right yeah he produced Roseanne he produced all this you know he's got a heavy history artist too he was out with uh kennison and the outlaws he did all that you know or a great comic you know on top of great producer and writer so so mitzi's with all these guys you know I didn't know I'm in comedy first I don't know eight months I started September 13th 78 I'm in LA February of 79 why because this one comic who you know Mitchell Walters came back to Brooklyn that's where he was from and he happened to come in on a weekend I was headlining and he's asking who the fuck is this guy doing the Travolta and the owners told him so he talks to my father he keeps calling my father in the office who I was working for you know because there was no job I could have I was at clubs every night from the first night I got on stage that was it I'm performing every night everywhere and I just dedicated my life to it and that's what it takes as you know you know I love when pitbull says that how did I get lucky hard work got me lucky that's all it's about hard work and belief and knowing what you have inside to give do you think it was like weird friction because like there's some guys that think that comedy has to come from the same group of people like it has to come from neurotic self-deprecating like it has to come from these sort of nerds or like bullied by society and they're funny on stage and they could tell you what the fuck's going on when a guy who comes along like you's very confident you're a big guy you didn't come from a theater background and you have this new approach to it and even myths he'd missed it like sometimes people at that point she missed it yeah but like there's people that do things and you're like man I don't know because but you've got to give it like try to explain harlan williams to someone try to explain harley it's impossible again he's fucking hilarious but it's so strange like his style is so strange but coming out of him with his personality the way he says things hilarious it's hilarious it's really funny you get the chance to see harlan harley williams is the fucking man i mean but the people out there listening go go see that guy he's amazing but you you had he had to become that guy to figure that out yeah see and i you know some people go through their whole life never knowing who they are they're not comfortable in it like alan or would say not comfortable in their own skin right you know i always know who i was now you know when people say to me you know who's dice who's andrew who's that i'm all of it you know but you know i'm not walking around in the street going yeah you know when you see those videos and go yeah how you doing that's a put on that's a joke if i'm really going to say hello to a girl which i haven't in four years obviously you know i'm gonna go yeah how you doing right not how you doing because any girl in the right mind is gonna go get the fuck away from me and if they don't get the fuck it's a real problem you know so so and i do want to get into the videos but just let me finish the day to laugh the died thing so when david geffen says to me see what i always prided myself on because i became even though i wanted the acting career i had two careers going i was building as a comic actually dallas was the first place i headlined as a comic uh in the in the mid 80s at a place called the uh i forgot the name of the place don't even fucking matter it was a club you do two two weeks at a clip and i i just started headlining you know by the time i was i don't know 24 25 and the thing was yeah mitzi didn't understand it at that point because she knew comics with think of old time think of think of uh what the fuck his face homely is a plate full of assholes what was his name uh no you uh not not don rickles who also wasn't a gorgeous guy but my favorite of all time um he came from that time he clicked like gates um hack it buddy howdy hack think of buddy's fucking face yeah you think that guy's gonna be confident right he knows what he looks like so he's gonna be self-deprecating and that's how comics would get laid back there you know in those times they weren't good looking people today you got better looking but lenny bruce is a good looking guy yeah which his mother said to me that was a big compliment because i'm with mitzi and mitzi would say to sally because i used to sit with sally at schwabs you know and she'd always go oh you're handsome like my lenny it was a compliment because i knew he was a nice looking guy and mitzi would say to sally she'd go he's a movie star he's not even a comic you know she never had that there's all those comics back then just look at him look at the pictures on the wall at the comedy store and you'll know but just to get back to the day to laugh that died because people are listening um so geffen tells me why why does this have to be why can't we just trash this and i go because it's never been done every comic gets recorded they do their very very best to kill i did my best to bomb you know i just wanted to see what i could come up with in front of a couple people he goes why a double album why can't it just be it's i go same reason never done okay and mitzi by the way would come to the arenas with me when i did the forum i'd pick her up in the limo she'd fly to new york she was at the garden she was at the metallans which sold out at that time metallans biggest arena ever 21,500 sold out in 40 minutes that my my agent dennis offer at that time who the only other comic he's ever handled was rodney and i've been with him and pete papalotto for 35 years okay my whole career and when dennis saw me do the rodney special um he came over to me he goes i've seen every comic i come to every one of rodney specials i never wanted any of them i want you and i've been with them all this time and as i'll tell you the rise to the arenas but so mitzi comes out of my house i'm just trying to keep my place here for you after the david gephin experience okay and she goes i want to hear this album i'm hearing things about it you know and it's not out yet you know so i i put on a c day and she's listening you know mitzi she's always truthful you know tells you how she thinks and she goes andro what is this i go and i want to laugh in the face but i gotta keep a strip i go uh it's my new album what do you think she goes it's gonna ruin your career i go this i don't think so just like you told me about dice would never work you know it's not gonna ruin my career i go don't want she goes i don't want to see you karee you work so hard to get the i go don't worry about it bottom line album comes out four days gold i don't even know how many platinums it is to this day it's the biggest selling comedy album ever as far as i know okay the biggest comedy and for comics it's like a bible for some fucking reason see i don't see what you see i just know i like being a guy that that did things first see that's what i loved about elvis when elvis came along there was nobody for him to talk to to go how do i handle being elvis you know but you understand like the the the just the ability to put out something of you bombing in the height of your stardom you know nuts that is like it's really hilarious i know you just did it because you wanted to be first but it's just what you're doing it's so crazy so different yeah so different yeah i could go into a club or an arena internet was around back then people would have understood it they would have gotten into it i think back then it was so hard because all you had was like mtv or vh1 and think of that the narratives were weird the fact that you don't have internet and in less than a week it's a half a million sold yeah it was selling faster than like m&m albums when when he came out so you know so you know i got so much to tell you that was something i was going to bring up because of the day to live it it's when you have nothing to compare yourself to other than other firsts see i grew up like i said i didn't care about comedy it was all about acting okay other than my drums and the singing stuff the musical stuff when i came into comedy i said i'll become like like a movie star you know that was my confidence and getting on a comedy stage would help me obviously and then there was a lot of backlash like we said you know the first to be canceled type of thing once i took off but you see before i made it you know i was working with my first movie george kennedy it was called wacko stella stevens who starred with jerry lewis and the nutty professor and joe don baker who did walking tall this stupid movie called wacko but i couldn't believe the people i'm getting to work with like i'd call home and talk to my parents and my sister and go you know it's joe don baker walking tall and george kennedy cool hand luke you know so it was all about the acting then i did a movie private resort johnny depp and rob morrow now johnny we know where his career went rob has a more low-key career but he's a big star he's in billions he did his own show uh northern exposure and the producer would say it was a little beach movie in florida we did he goes the three of you are going to be huge stars he just knew this is really producer then it was um uh pretty in pink molly ringwald you know john crier that that john yews took one scene i did and split it into two that's how much he loved me to show me twice in the movie making the grade jud nelson i was almost like auxiliary brat pack that they would use me in their movies and then i did casual sex for ivan rightman and his wife directed john viet and i played the vin man now you remember judy tol who passed away okay she writes are you crying dice you know what that's my weakness she was great what's your weakness my own sensitivity that's not a weakness that's not a weakness sometimes i know i'm just trying to tell you a story and i'm crying no i like the fact you're crying i like the fact that people get to know who you are i've seen you cry too i cry man i don't think there's anything wrong with crying i'm an emotional person she was a great girl uh came out to la with tom wilson was her boyfriend who wound up his bith and back to the future and uh she wrote he was a comic too right yeah yeah lived with me for six years and she wrote casual sex and instead of calling it the dice man she called it the vin man and i played the part and they show they screen the movies for test audiences and i was there uh with one of my wives at the time and um so after the screening ivan calls me over with the head of universal and and his wife and he goes would you come back christmas time and i go for why he goes we're gonna rewrite the last 20 minutes to a half hour to make you the star of the movie that's how much the audience loved you you know so i'm like yeah i'll come back and i couldn't believe it you know like they changed them from like the attitude of dice to all the sun he's you know the other side the softer the guy at the cry side right and uh and i wind up with leah thompson in the movie that's the end of the movie and they rewrote the whole thing to make me the star of the movie and they're like you're gonna be a big star and then i was um working on michael man's crime story which spawned everybody um dennis farina michael madsen um david caruso kevin spaise all these great actors that that just blew up from crime story which was the show michael man did after he was done with miami vice and so crime story really became a few years later scorsese's casino so if you could think of casino i played in crime story the um the robert denero part the guy that ran the casino and tony denison played the peshy part in the series now the series was going to be canceled it wasn't the days of hbl like you put the sopranos on and it lasts 10 years you know it was a network show i i forgot if it was abc or mbc but it was an expensive show to shoot so michael man directed one of the only episodes that i had a giant pardon now if you think of casino joe peshy bangs sharon stone okay and then they wind up blowing up denero out of the car in the series crime story i get blown up out of the car because tony denison is banging my wife in the show all right so same story it's the same story it's a real story about those gangsters from the midwest right in chicago and only in the movie they don't do the cops that were after them the major crime unit that was after him which which dennis farina was really the real cop you know and he became an actor see michael man loves guys that really were jewel thieves or real criminals and but dennis farina became a gigantic actor and i loved the guy he was amazing and uh so anyway we're shooting the episode where i got blown up out of the car and we're in vegas and they have me in a cast from my waste stop and i had just filmed the rodney danger field special okay and michael man's talking about that the show's gonna get canceled and i said listen i need to talk to you you know you can't cancel the show and he goes he goes all right when we when we take lunch me and you will go have coffee and you know the pepper mill in vegas on the strip so he puts me in his transam and the strip wasn't like it is today you could cut through the desert that was a third of the hotels like you see today so he cuts through and i'm wobbling in the car because i'm in this fucking cast so now we're in the pepper mill and i'm smoking you know my arms up the whole thing and he goes all right so what do you need to talk to me about now michael man at that time is probably 45 47 years old i'm like 29 i'm like the youngest guy in the cast and i said you you can't cancel crime story he goes you don't understand it's it's a great show but it's a very expensive show and nobody has really blown up from the show so i'm looking at a guy with a straight face only i'm in a cast blowing smoke out of the cast i go i go give me about three four months and i'll be like the biggest star on the planet he's going what are you talking about like now he's like a little pissed off i go i just filmed this rodney danger field hbo young comedian show and when it is i'm going to be the biggest comic in the world that the world's ever seen he goes bigger than pry i go way bigger bigger than anybody you know bigger than eddie murphy i go yeah of course i go eddie does you know eddie eddie at his peak was doing 7 000 seats which was unheard of when he would do it but i know where i'm going i have a plan and he goes look dice he goes i love you as an actor and i think you have a big career in acting he goes and i wish you all the luck with the skit that you're talking about with the rodney thing i go but the show is just too expensive and we're gonna get the pink slip on it i go i'm telling you it's a mistake okay the show gets canceled within a month shows done you know and people loved crime stories the people that were fans of crime story it was like sopranos fans you know the rodney special is number one i took a full page ad in variety back then it was a newspaper not digital full page half the page was my picture i'm sitting on a chair backwards with a real attitude and then the right side was a whole poem about how i never studied much in school but when i turned on the tube and then i named everybody there was elvis the king buddy rich with hands like lightning travolta made me dance every big star brando made me pout uh dean had us all all these big stars and at the end i write murphy and pry are both great no doubt but in 88 it's dice thou shalt i've never studied much in school but i did study okay that comes out on a thursday because i know the industry shuts down friday okay so i wanted everybody to see this now obviously if i was wrong biggest asshole in the world i'm a joke the show airs saturday night okay monday done biggest comic there is the gigs just started coming how did rodney find you um rodney saw me at the comedy store like i showcased for him and how did they set that up like would mitzi picked the lineup there was a producer rob freed all right that worked for o'rion that got him in there somehow and so was this guy at the clubs watching people no no he was a movie producer so who who was the one that picked you guys um couldn't that's a question i couldn't answer i don't know if it was mitzi i don't know if it was babe from new york who ran danger fields who actually that's me that's such an important spot to get on a young comedian special back then well the rodney danger field specials were well that was it it made everybody was everything you know kennison you uh dom arara uh bob nelson lenny clark you know uh jesus christ rob shimmel yeah yeah you know and shit so but you say this is where i'm different than other comics so and i love dom irara but i'd watch dom you know we had months to get ready and i'm just in preparation zone i couldn't give a fuck if there was no one in the room i'm going up i'm rehearsing because all i wanted to worry about the night of the special because you're gonna be nervous inside but they can't see it okay so i'm gonna look right and i'm gonna play america had you done any kind of comedy special before that no nothing nothing this i knew what this could do because when kennison kennison broke in 86 that he got that babe at that time was telling rodney you got to see this guy dice so i think it was babe that got me on the showcase in in 88 okay and so the only thing i wanted to worry about was playing the room and what i meant by the room is not just danger fields america like i wanted them to feel me so the outfit had to be right everything had to be right so there was no way i'm gonna fuck around on stage i don't care if nobody's there it's it's time to rehearse you know from beginning to end so i remember doing the shot you know i remember leaving the hotel the regency hotel in full garb with a belt buckle this big holly davidson belt i wanted people looking i wanted to feel it i wanted to feel new york because i'm about to change my life it was a couple of you know oh and barry sobel this is great he shows up for rehearsal that day in a motorcycle jacket and he's always in a baseball jacket and i like these guys but back there in comics didn't have each other's backs it's just the way it was so i go over to rodney and i go rodney why is barry sobel in a motorcycle jacket so rodney is a good guy hey barry come over here man okay what's with the leather he goes well this is what i'm gonna wear tonight you're going no you're not man you're gonna wear a baseball jacket it goes on i'm gonna wear this you're gonna know you're gonna wear a baseball jacket you're not doing the show how's that sound okay everything cool all right dice is handled it was great right so he basically wore the same jacket you were he was trying to you know what do you think he did on purpose yeah 100 you know back then comics weren't like you nobody had anybody's back today comics help each other with their podcast you know you want to open for me bobby lee's out with a great guy now i mean they help each other today back then stab him in the back before he stabs you that's just how it was so me i just kept to myself i felt like the frank serpico at a comedy store god i don't want to make no friends it's not like that now no it's nothing like that guys are friends today it's a whole different thing out there when do you think that changed what year did that start to change in the early 2000s when all the new guys started coming out you know you know and starting out it all came out of the store though you know it came out of the store because guys from new york come to the store guys from new york come to the store and they'd say that they would say everyone here is like real friendly they help each other they write tags for each other they're all fucking around together they go it's a different kind of camaraderie then we would go to the mitzi's bar and hang out when you saw me filming at the store it was all the new guys right the show was about all the new guys yeah you know i could hey look i remember bobby lee like i had a lot of ideas open for me i had bobby lee open for me i had Sebastian open for me i had a million openers okay that i would look to help see i'm a guy that even when i took off i would looked at Jim Norton one of the best you know he you know if Norton was on with me he'd say i have a career course of dice Eddie Griffin he does he says all the time Eddie Griffin i remember i had a William Morris agent Eddie Griffin came over to me at the comedy store goes uh i'm gonna open for you one day i don't know who the hell he is i happen to come to the comedy store i'm going on tour the next morning and i see Eddie on stage who's got nothing other than incredible potential and balls and a couple bits and that's what i loved about him his energy he made them laugh at nothing okay so he comes outside you know and i go hey Eddie how you doing to him he goes oh great you know and he tries to like stand up to me you know because it's scary because i know what it was to see big stars at the store and i'd never go over to them yeah wait till i tell you how i got to open for prior and became like mitzi's guy for prior for Robin Williams and Eddie Murphy i'll tell you that story and that'll amaze you but Eddie Griffin stand there i go you know i i caught you tonight you really are pretty good you're gonna really have a career he goes you think so i go yeah why don't you go home and pack we leave in the morning for for Philadelphia it was the first time i did the spectrum and i was doing a whole tour we get to philly i notice that he don't have a jacket he's not wearing socks and there's snow on the ground so i take him shopping i forgot which stores we went to and i just fill him up with clothing and that's when he started calling me uncle d you know from that time on now we're at the comedy store and i'm with William Morris i forgot the age i had a lot of agents by then you know so i call over my agent Michael Gruber is his name and i said Michael i want you to meet Eddie Griffin he goes yeah how you doing Eddie he goes you're very funny tonight yeah i go can you do me a favor just sign him in the morning i go that's what i need done you know and i was just able to get it done signs eddie months later eddie's got uh malcolm and eddie the tv city i remember that from that he went on to the movie stardom and he's had a great career but i used to like to do lenny clock fucking lenny the best i have lenny open for me number one the crowd wanted nothing to do with the openers it was just them doing the wave singing asshole asshole they only want the dice it was absolute fucking bed lump i mean i'd look at the crowds and go i don't know what i'm gonna do i never went to concerts as a kid i didn't give a shit about concerts you know and uh i didn't even go see Elvis who i idolized so lenny clocks on stage nasa colosene they don't want anything to do with him and he goes look i gotta stay out here anyway you know and do my time and he sits down and he starts clipping his toenails okay dan he's so great i love i haven't seen him in years but i know what a one-day guy he is and he's had an amazing career and this was the start of it because he calls me up when we're going to do the universal amphitheater and he goes dice you mind if i have some people come down to see me i go lenny that's what it's all about i i want you to go further you know and he gets his own television show i think it was called lenny well the show fails miserably my friend peter dobson was in it a young actor and but they take lenny now and they put him on frazier for i think it was frazier for all the years playing a cop so his career blew up and he's had a great career but i used to love that that i could look at a guy and i go i helped make that happen just like rodney gave me the shot of a lifetime you know and i remember even coming to rodney when i was going to do the garden which a lot of people don't know i did over 300 arenas i did 12 million people up to 19 300 arenas well you're doing them too now so i'm not even going to make a big deal that's an amazing number look i've seen what you've been doing you know and but but yeah no you sent me uh you sent me a good luck when i did the garden because i knew how important it was to you you know and you know that's like if i would see nobody got behind me when i made it right and i didn't have any comment the only comic was eddie murphy let me tell you lenny clark story yeah i i uh i only had been paid for comedy on two occasions at this time i do this is the second time i will open up for this guy named warren mcdonald and this shitty little bar gig and then i opened up for lenny clark and lenny clark it was after lenny had done young comedian special okay which is the one i did and i don't know even how i got recommended to do it so it's at jays in pittsfield massachusetts this crazy comedy club that was out in western massachusetts a great place and i go on stage and i do well it was fun it was a good set and i get off stage and mike clark is lenny's brother and mike clark books giggles and sawgas and mike clark's the fucking man and mike clark goes kid you're really funny but you gotta clean it up like your act is too dirty and everybody said that to me back then i was like and then lenny comes off stage he goes kid that was hilarious he goes that fucking bit about the one bit that like mike clark told me don't do that bit anymore lenny was like that bit was hilarious and he goes he was just telling me to clean it up he goes yeah you should probably clean it up but fuck it i never did exactly he got on stage i did open mike night once and the after i did my set the the open mike night host called me joe fucking rogan and then he comes off stage and he he lectures me and how i shouldn't swear and it's cheap and easy comedy and i said but the guys that i like are all they all swear like that's the comedy that i like like like dice clay goes yeah you're not dice clay i remember thinking this but it wasn't dice clay not dice clay wasn't all these people weren't they it's just so easy to say oh that's a cheap way to get a lab it's a dumb thing to think you know because there's all sorts of ways to do music there's all sorts of ways to do movies there's all exactly there's always genres look i like violent movies it doesn't mean i like violence i like a little violence controlled but it's like coffee do you want some coffee want some more fit in there get some black there you go get a cup like a man all right like a man we'll do this like a camp together like we're camping yeah cheers i get to keep the cup i mean fuck yeah i'll give you got a yeti for you brother it's good it's not bad black rifle i got a salt on sugar anyway my girlfriend will like it yeah yeah yeah sugar's terrible i'm going through a whole thing i can yeah i can help you i can help you with that i shouldn't have brought it up she's gonna now tell me she listened to rogan you know because i do i do exercise a lot i do it's my hobby it's i don't do what you do i mean the first time i saw you honestly i think i've told this to you matthew i see him in uh in the in the the middle of black i used to like to look at black belt magazine there he is in a split with his onions basically plastered to the fucking ground with every muscle popping out of his body and i go i know this guy he's a comic you know i but i didn't know about you know the karate or anything yet you know i just knew you was a comic you know and i thought that was amazing and i know how you are because i i know you for years so i should know you work out and i know everything with you i know with the fighting thing yeah the announcing yeah i mean i know it all but what i'm saying is my girlfriend will hear froggenstern yet to cut back and have this instead of you got to think about it this she gets on me with it but i it's a real simple way to think about it literally literally you are what you eat actually figuratively you are what you eat the only way your body has the proper fuel is if you give it to it if you give your body bullshit your body gives you bullshit i i it's really simple there aren't many foods i eat like i don't really believe in vegetables you know what i mean we should try the carnivore diet then a lot of people are very successful in that 208 pounds so yeah but i mean i wait but it's not about diet as in trying to lose weight it's about diet as in fueling your body correctly you don't have as much inflammation no and i know you do know a lot about that you should get checked out to see if you have food allergies because you might be dealing with if you don't have any have you done the whole test none of that none of that have you done this the test where they do it different things you know but have you done that test that test is very about it's very it really it really works well it's it's it's helped many people that i know you you go and they test you for a bunch of different things like you know some people they find out they're allergic to like certain vegetables some people are allergic to gluten some people are allergic to all kind of milk and they're they don't even know they're they're intolerant to it and they're just like they just accept that their body feels like shit see but i don't feel like shit that's you know and and i you know maybe you could feel better you know i you know why you probably write about that but what i am glad about is that you know i had a heart attack when i was 60 okay whoa i didn't know i had i had to have a stent put in yeah i didn't make that like news you know what i made news and this will interest you all right you're looking at me i look normal yes and i know i look normal i got hit with a few things i got hit with bell's poles yeah i know about that okay and i didn't hide which side of your face was it it was this side of my face and see i'm a certain way because i am a fighter in my heart you know and i was like i'm not canceling my shows and i'm not going to hide the fact that that i have bell's bar i posted about it you know i made fun of it on stage i would do sammy davis for like 10 minutes because yeah because my face is down to here you know what i mean yeah so i would make the whole thing i go why can't i find my eye you know and i would just do all that stuff and then kim kim kim kim you know just getting into sam and that's how i would make fun of the bell's palsy because also at the beginning you know you know i during the like pandemical i changed like i don't like um when people like use the c word like i'll even yell at ellen or she says that you know that's all that word went out with high button shoes you know like you don't like that word no do you think really think we should abandon words at some point in time no no i think you come up with better ones okay like all right let's say i don't want to talk about my girlfriend in this way but i only have one girl but you could be like at a at a family function and you say something like uh you know what maybe we should go home now i'm really in the mood for that glazed donut hole you can say that in front of a kid well that in but i'm using cunt as a pejorative no but what i'm saying is i use pink lip lagoon hmm right but that's like an actual thing how do you yeah but when you when you're saying the c word you're saying it because it's like an asshole like an all yeah or someone is a karen you would call him a karen now right well that i don't get into that's true right it's kind of a place to see where there's so much i can't change i can't change when they change this is when i knew everything was going to shit when they changed um that's kind of a friendly way to say the c word calls on one of karen yeah but you know but then it's just a word it's just a let i mean imagine but what if you're in karen it sucks if your name is karen this lady told me once it was hilarious i go uh she goes uh you know hi my name is karen and i said does that bother you the whole karen thing she goes no because i spell it different oh god she's like i smell like k-a-r-y-n i'm like okay you win like what are you saying he's not fucked they still got you they still got you she because she was in her 40s and like they'd got her with that name yeah her whole life she was fine it was a regular girl name exactly no it's no good and there's no guy there's no guy name like that there's like maybe some people say chad but there's some badass chads out there that doesn't work definitely not naming you know it's like honky honky doesn't work either you know you can't it's it's funny that there's not one like that for they change so many stupid things the karen one's perfect though it's like it's it sucks if your name is karen but god damn it's perfect there's no little baby karen's around right now i fucking doubt it i would like to see that nobody's naming that clip drop off from the time karen became a thing to the time kids stopped naming their kids karen i just can't do it though karen it's not a bad name no it's a it's a nice name it's a beautiful name yeah exactly so it's wrong like you're calling somebody something nice yeah karen i thank you i generally don't use it but it is funny that it's a thing it's interesting when i talk to guys they come to my show and i go you know they're married 30 years whatever and i go so you're still using the p word and the c come on you know what do you call it oh beautiful names right moose canoe oh better you know what i mean it's better tangy tuna tower i go tuna tower i go how many times like think of this that should be a band don't you think a girl gets bored when the guy's head is buried in the pillow how many times she got to here in her life i'm gonna come she's heard that thousand she's probably miming it you know i'm gonna come you know i go you come up with something different everything changes you know that's how i look at life you make it more exciting rather than you want to be the first no rather than a dimmer in your bedroom right have three four lava lamps going the dimmer with the dust on it come on right mix it up yeah you gotta romanticize especially when you're with somebody for a long time i really understand that stuff i don't know what well i don't want to do real bits on the show but you know i talk about all that on stage and how and see because i was the guy they said hated women but i don't really think like i have a friend that said to me on the phone he goes look he's 65 i i i understand that you still love sex he goes i like it too but not like you you like it it's like every time you have sex it's like the first time i go because i always appreciated it i always found it exciting you know you know it's like you know one minute you're saying hello to somebody and what sign are you and what do you do to to make a dollar and the next thing you're just banging into this fucking marbleized meat steak you know relentlessly and going all right i guess you're mine now you know but i always appreciated it so 80s were a magical time but i just try to appreciate it like it never gets old to me when i'm into somebody you know what i mean and even from many years ago you know they're going this is the guy that hates women i go there's probably nobody more romantic if you spoke to my girl all right we all know valentine's day flowers chocolates bullshit right i need a monday my girl i i i'm always and i don't buy the bullshit grocery three dollar flower i go in i'm the flower guy knows me because i go today the 12 days you know and i'll throw it i spent thousands on it a year because i like how she feels when she gets fresh flowers i mean she happens to be southern but she just loves it you know she just loves the smell of it the look of it and it just gives me pleasure when i could do something sweet for her that's not a holiday i don't need a birthday or or valentine's day when i could get you flowers every week if i want you know and that the door bell rings and she goes oh this is so sweet thank that's how how i've been really my whole life but but you you're very sensitive to that because that was like a thing that really bothered you when people were coming out true it wasn't true but it was also it's like this is what i would say it's like when when you see brad pitt smash that woman's face against the mantle and once upon a time at hollywood he's not really doing that exactly that's not real so what is it about you know in a movie it's not real you know in a song that's not real like bob marley didn't really shoot the sheriff right we all know that so what is it about comedy that's so obviously a persona it's so obviously this over the top character that you've created and it's hilarious and so many people like it why did that bother people so much this is what's crazy about it's like how come no one i can understand if you don't like it i can understand if it's not your thing but it was universal except for fans so obviously whoever's reviewing it is not representing everyone because there's so many people coming out to see you and they're having the time of their life and i was one of those fans i was one of those fans so for me i didn't understand it like as a comic i'm like he's just doing comedy like what what is wrong with it really you know you can't dictate my my free speech people these are the these are the first amendment people you can't dictate what a person talks about or doesn't talk about back then though you couldn't go after them right so they came out with a new spread today they had ultimate power at least you can fight back with the social media they had ultimate power to shape society by deciding things sucked yeah it was a brutal time i enjoyed number one i enjoyed this time way better for me yeah i enjoy getting on stage way more for me now you know because these are fans that just appreciate what i do and now i'm like grandfathered in i'm not part of with the canceling you know yeah i do what i do i came through it and i'm still standing as they would say so i just go on stage and do the act i want to do and i don't care what anybody thinks about and like i said it is a lot more deprecating now but you you had a resurgence because the internet too though well i also have resurgence because uh you know like i said it was always about acting to me and you know uh i don't know what i want to talk about all right so what was it 2009 or 10 here comes doug owen who created entourage and he's getting ready to do his very last season of entourage and we have a meeting at the soho club which is like entourage you know and he said to me and look when i talk to another comic sometimes it's hard so i'm going to say i think you're an incredible comedian you're on top of performer you're an incredible comedian your thoughts are great you're a worldly guy you know a lot of stuff so when you perform that's why you have built the audience you have around the entire fucking world i mean to me this was never even a thought in my head that somebody would come along you know because to me i always look like at howard stern like who's ever going to come along and top what this guy has done and then slowly but surely here you come and now you have basically the biggest audience in the world and that's why i tell you how proud i am because you had enough success way before this to walk away from it all and just do stand up but this is something you wanted and you took the time to nurture it and build it and do it your own way and you just became it and i love when i see an original and you are an original and this incredible comic slash performer because you don't stand in one spot on stage i've seen you on your back kicking your fucking feet like you know it's hilarious to me so when i do say things about myself don't think i'm the only one that thinks i'm great i know others that are great and you're one of them and i appreciate you thank you you know and i appreciate like bill bar i think is amazing i love though you know you know dave shapelle amazing chris rock amazing but but right now i'm sitting talking to you so i do you know i get into my story but i like you to know what i really think of you because i appreciate that i know how good that feels it does somebody i appreciate you very much and what you accomplish is unaccomplishable unless you're joe rogan and see it that way and believe in yourself that you're an original as you are i really appreciate that but i i don't even think about it that way i just do what i like to do and i keep doing it and and it's amazing became popular and i am amazed by it thank you and what's funny about that whole statement is that i forgot what i was going to tell you before i told you that but it doesn't even matter because of you know i wanted to let you know that today that was important to me all those other guys whether it's uh howard or um opie and anthony even imis like all those sort of controversial radio characters they all set the stage for this but but it was really it was really opie and anthony that was really where i really decide i mean that's really what i learned like how fun it is yeah i did that show a thousand times it was so fun to hang out there's nothing like it i remember they would goof on me before i got to know them you know because anthony does a great dice the perfect okay he does the perfect dice it's pretty damn good and i would get a call from you know my friend and personal security person throughout the years club soda kenny who i don't know if he's bodyguard jew he's bodyguard no he hasn't but i love that guy he's amazing and he works with bill burr full-time and he bodyguards madonna he's an amazing guy um uh the girl uh wait what's the blonde girl comedian i just forgot him for a second which no i'm not looking to even make fun of her and anyone he worked with his and i get because when i'm talking fast i forget certain things you too uh he knows who i'm talking about though club soda you know okay anyway um so he's there's so many thoughts going through i understand now you might have got a contact high is that it i'm stoned out now you had a stone i think you're right i think so too and i like weed but like i'll do it like at night right yeah well i take things to help my memory while i'm uh well it's not helping mine yeah you know i'll give you some i'll give some alfabrini next time um it's the balancing act of the positive benefits of weed and the memory loss part no i've just got you fucking crazy we got you you really got me i got you accidentally i didn't mean to no but i get it why did you quit the cigarettes see when i did when i got the the palsy face okay i know we were talking about that yeah um i've quit cigarettes twice i quit for 10 years and uh that's the first time i went back i didn't want to smoke or gamble and you know uh you know because i was a big time gambler with blackjack for a long time oh really yeah and what's like the most you ever bet oh no it's millions that have gone in a circle you know and uh oh it's the first time bobby lee opens for me this is hilarious he's a new comic okay and i did balleys let's see the 12 or 13 years it was like this big multi-million dollar deal i had with balies which they never gave any comic in history okay so that's another first thing and um so i bring bobby lee to open for me so i lose a quarter million you know within i don't know an hour and a half of being there you know what i am stone course of you so so he's sitting i remember he'd sit on the top of the couch in the room you know with his feet like on the cushions and he's sitting there because he doesn't know what to do you know like he just saw the guy that hired him lose a quarter million dollars i said bobby i'll get it back tomorrow it's not really you know don't even think about it serious let's order some food type of thing and that's happened a bunch of times because any gambler that says he wins all the time is just lying to you yeah you know but what i always tell my girlfriend because i don't gamble anymore that i go i've gotten to do stuff that people dream of doing that you only see in movies when you see gambling movies you know i could remember one time also at balies this is this is a good story um and wheels was my opening act you know okay so you know he's into coffee now wheels does all these different businesses he was catering for a while right yeah he did the cannoli kings now he does paresis coffee you know and it's incredible coffee it's what i drink every day you know so um we were talking about this recently that so i'm doing balies and wheels is the opener and that was even one time i'm playing wheels is on stage at balies i'm at seizes palace wearing the dice rules jacket club soda kenny's with me and he's going we really need to leave now you're on in 10 minutes so it was a good night for me i'm on stage now at balies 10 minutes later with 350 000 of chips in my pocket that i didn't even have time winnings not even you know just all winnings so i lose i'm with wheels and i lose the night before a couple hundred grand and now we'd sit out at the pool i'd never became like um a recluse i wasn't going to live my life like that you know no matter how big i got in comedy i got in the mall by myself i got to the cleaners i got in the grocery because that's what kept me normal regular just the guy from brooklyn that made it you know so we're out at the pool at balies and i go wheels you got you got any money on you he goes i got 20 you know i go yeah that's enough i go let's go we get in the cab we go to the mirage all right so at the mirage at that time i only had it was like a 75 thousand dollar credit okay so they give me 75 000 and i had this dealer i forgot this guy's name and he's killing me because i play alone and i play i could play the whole table if i want so it's five thousand a hand that's 30 000 across the board and this guy's killing me okay but what bothered me is when they would hold the cards for me to cut let's say you're the player the dealer goes like that instead of like that that you could just find the spot and cut it so when i was playing the dealer beating me i asked the pit boss this guy do you mind if the dealer turns the cards to me so i could cut and wheels are sitting here and i'm sitting on this end and he goes yeah sure no problem dice the guy would do it now they switch dealers and pit boss now this is the days where all the women you know i hate dice type of thing okay which they really didn't it was a small number but the press made it like a big number well the new pit boss was a woman and she was a dice hater and i say and the dealer's name was archy i remember because he was from louisiana and i said um to the pit boss i go would you mind if archy you know because i'm not in character and i'm not on stage i go would you mind if archy turned the cards to me so i cut the cards and she goes no we can't do that here i go well the other pit boss didn't have a problem with it and she goes well i do now i get mad now it's dice mean you know wheels get up and then remind me to tell you about dug elen okay i just remember write it down i got it i got it don't worry right after that i'm going to tell you what happened because it's a great story it's like a rocky story you know so wheels get up sit here i'm making a show out of it now and i go to the end of the table so i can lean across and cut the cards where i want wheels get up go back to your seat i go let me tell you something honey now i'm dice i go you're gonna be lucky if you have a job when i'm done here now i go because they're all watching i go archy you see the last chip in the five thousand dollar lane no not the first lane the second lane that's yours how does that sound nice tip because that would be great i go let's play cards and i start playing two hands three hands six hands and i'm just winning but i'm not stacking the chips i'm just throwing them like this i don't even know what's there right he's down to the last two chips on the second row and i go all right this is what i'm gonna do i go honey i want you to pay attention because i got a little little thing i want to ask you i go i want a black jack archy i'm gonna take the ace of spades and then i'm gonna take the queen of spades okay that's how you're gonna deal with to me sweetheart i don't know what shit pay they give you here for the 12 hours a day you got to put in but i'll bet and i don't know what's here but i'm sure it's it's more than what you make a week you know or a year or maybe the next five years but i'll bet all this that i pulled those cards exactly the way i'm saying it against your pay what do you say and she goes we're not allowed to do that i go all right archy give me the ace of spades and give it to me slowly because i make a sound effect noise i do it when i film which is this noise there's the ace of spades i gotta tell you and this is a true story i don't see these stories are so unreal just gut i swear to god it's my gut so that's why i'll tell you don't think i've never lost i've lost a ton of fucking money you know but i've won a ton that's the beauty of it yeah but you're just not you're not just guessing that you're gonna blackjack you're guessing the actual cards it's just a gut feeling did you ever do it again after that no way way okay so now i look at this woman i go i'll tell you what same bet if i don't pull the queen of spades you win all that against your pay for the year yeah she goes no all right archie let's not fucking around just give me the queen of spades boom there it is even wheels couldn't believe it and honestly joe i'm sitting here and i know millions of people listen to you i couldn't fucking believe it it just came out that way so now we pile it all up i walk out of that hotel four hundred and fifty five thousand dollars after giving them their 75 that's the profit and on the way back to the hotel because i make wheels carry the money in these like manila envelopes hey we're in a camp i go put your hands and grab a stack of money you know so he takes like ten thousand dollars you know and i go wasn't that worth twenty dollars you know what i mean so that's one of the gambling stories but i always tell people about gambling i want to know why you thought those were going to be the cards like what is that because some do you think there's a moment there's moments in time where you just know things for some reason well i know when i'd lose yeah of course it's like you know it's like there were just certain days it would get to the point and i've done this and i've done this in front of gangsters that one guy said to me he goes throw the books away you hear because i was calling every card coming out and i'm not a card counter i don't even know math really so you know what do you think that is and how how many times have you been able to do that in your life is it just with cards or is it with other stuff too i've done it with my career i've done it with my career that let me what do you think that is before do you think it's a gift it's just something if you believe in god and i'm not a religious guy in any way but i believe i was put here you know and i always knew what i was supposed to be you know like i told you about elvis when i was 12 years old i didn't really talk about gene crouper a buddy rich with the drums a ringo star but i knew i was meant like when i'd be failing everything in school i wouldn't even worry about it because i knew i was meant for much more that's so interesting it it's almost like it was written that's how i say it i never felt that way ever in my life and if you want to hear something that and and and i want to give you to doug allen and i want to talk to you about those videos okay guys so don't okay you try not to forget that okay so when i was really going through it with the press and they were really kind i mean i couldn't turn on tv i know it's not your life so you're not thinking about my life but i would see it every day no i thought about you when that was going on because i was like no one has his back and there there was no one in like media that had your back no that's why i talk about eddie murphy all the time because eddie came out on arsenio he was the only one and said i don't know about what's going on i don't remember his word he goes but he's funny and i'm going to the to the forum to see him however he said you know he was the one guy i remember driving down green Cadillac convertible kelly green with my wife at the time and she's going somebody's yelling at you andrew and it was eddie murphy in a little convertible Mercedes he goes pull the fucker and he gets out of his car on a side street near crescent that i made a right turn before melrose and he pulls behind me gets out of his car because he always liked me at the comedy store he'd walk away from this before i made it he'd walk away from his entourage you know just to talk to me he loved what i did he gets out of his car i go don't let them fuck with you he goes i see how they're doing don't let them get to you i see what they're doing i mean and he really had my back that way but nobody else did every other comic opening their fucking mouth from from Jay Leno to George fucking calling and i go and of course when they come face to face with me kiss my ass apologize that's how these fucking guys were that's why i get angry now even because you know i like guys like Leno i think i'll even say it now i think he's one of the funniest guys out there but what a dickhead like he used to stand leaning against your motorcycle before i ever made it you know talking to me all the time and then the day i took off and got bigger than any comic you ever heard of i'm no fucking good you can i know what did he say he would say he said things number one you got a picture on the first guy on the cover of penthouse magazine he's got the picture somewhere uh that bob gucci on called me up and said i wanna he goes the only other guy that's ever been on the cover was me you're going to be the first man on the cover of penthouse you know whenever he finds it there it is right what year was funny is i think that's 90 and i actually one of those girls were pregnant at that time which is four months pregnant and he goes i'm going to put you on the cover and then he tried it with other guys like you know i don't want to name names but it didn't sell like this sold so he stopped doing it he thought he was going to start a trend when he put me and then he had me again did a whole photo shoot with me in suits i stayed at his house in manhattan he had a townhouse judy gallin's gold piano you walk into this place he's with his wife over the railing there's a pool inside the house he put me in what he called the black room the whole room was black with the mirrored fucking ceilings the red bathroom it looked like the comedy store and uh and then did all the girls were staying there and we did a whole photo shoot that's the second time i was in penthouse but they did a a whole interview on me and that was i forgot what jay said but i got him at the improv which i hardly ever go to because the comedy store was my place and that's where i belong see i always looked at the improv like oh these are the nice boys and that's okay i think seinfeld's one of the greatest comics ever he's a he's he's a long island nice guy you know what i mean i'm an animal i always was an animal you know i got my face bashed in i was beat up by gangs i was putting fucking hospitals with my face split up all kinds of shit million fights you know i'm not like those guys i'm from brooklyn new york and i love that so i get in lenno's face and i go where do you come off saying a fucking word about me i go now you're standing in front of me and i go and next time you see me there'll be no talk you know and that's how it would go with these guys what did he say oh pussy it out like they all would you know uh george collin met him up at the stern show after he bad mouthed me on larry king you know i'm sorry i said any of that i was sort of just going with the snowball effect i couldn't even tell you what you do on stage i go great you're a prick the fuck out of my way i hated these guys so he just piled on he just piled on like it was the girl that fucking zero from saturday night live uh nora whatever her fucking name was that walked off saturday night live when i um when i hosted it okay so uh nora this is hilarious i don't even want to do saturday night live i was never saturday night live freak you know i think it's a great show but i was busy doing an act you know right so i get a call for fairlyings coming out you want to host saturday night live my father's like i think it's a smart move sunny boy so no that's you know how he was he right sandy gown biggest manager in hollywood but i didn't make a move till my father said move you know and um so i come up to saturday night live i'm waiting i'm waiting i'm waiting oh and then here comes uh calvin cline's daughter to bring me into lawn okay i sit down just like me and you and lawn goes yeah it's been a rough day you know i go all right yeah all right you know he goes yeah you know nora walked off the shy forget her name all the time her last name um i go oh you know what are you gonna do right because i don't know right and he goes she walked off because of you so i go i go lawn i don't know who she is did i do something to her he goes no she doesn't want you on the show so she's boycotting the show and that was news all week right and the real story is her contract oh okay so yeah the real reason was that her contract was up in two weeks and he wasn't going to renew it he didn't want her no more that's it so that was her way of getting back at him because the most controversial comic ever really is hosting the i'm gonna walk off and cause a problem and that's and then shane followed in suit but shane apologized when she went on arsenio she goes if i knew what i knew then my management talked me into walking off because this girl nora did you know she was supposed to be the musical guest and um yeah it was a it was a rough time my mother used to say they she goes they come after you more than they go after oj she really meant it and it was unbelievable because anytime i turn on tv well it certainly seems like that because it's you though you know no no but it was that i could turn on regis and well you were you were a cultural hot button and there was again there was no internet back there to have your back yeah but it's not like it went on for six months you know went on for years that mtv thing went on for years you were you were the whipping boy when it came to like uh what they would call uh blue comedy but the thing was would you take the cigarette or offensive comedy no it's over right there your cigarettes are right in front of your graphic cup oh that's one sign see i had i told you i had a cataract take oh yeah how bad did that fuck with your your vision it fucks with it that's why i'm always in sunglasses the light fucks with it you know it's really helped it but it fucks with it you know and um so you're saying you quit twice yeah and then you didn't smoke for how long so i didn't smoke for 10 years then when my father was supposedly going to pass away i was with ellen or playing a club in virginia i was standing on this corner with like five different roads with cars gone i just bought a pack and started smoking wow so that went on for like another six years then when i uh i was turning 60 i had a heart attack i didn't even know i'm having one and it was in vegas and you know they put a stent in and i just stopped that day i just like yeah i didn't i didn't need any kind of patch or shot or just stopped smoking why do you carry them still but it's the same with gambling i could shut i just like here we're having a conversation you know i have one your hand i love it i do love holding cigarettes i just even when i do concerts they have to have two packs in the dressing room that's hilarious you know but i never light them i don't get the urge to light them what if someone lights one around you you couldn't kill us you want to smoke smoke you know you know i just i just don't want to smoke right you know and i always loved exercise and i learned how to train my own body everybody's got a different body through sly stellone's guy when i was doing ford failing george pippa sick was his name and george was mr checkered slavakia for four years and when steroids came into the business back then he just quit he didn't he and he had a body like tars in and he moved to america built his own gym and every machine in it on olympic boulevard and when my career took off i became good friends with sly and i met george at his house and george taught me how to train my own body you know and i've always stuck to every and it and it always stopped you for a second what the fuck was going on with that one interview where you went on some news show i don't know if it was cnn cnn okay that was one of the most ridiculous things can we please play that it's one of my favorite when i was gonna get to dugout we'll get to dugout and the video we'll get to anything this is let's start from the beginning put the headphones on this is one of my favorite videos this is talk a little bit about uh where your career has been where your career has been you of course you were you were a headline guy and then headline guy you know what i mean for a while you popped out now you're coming back for a while for while you were actually you're running you were running a gym tell us about that running a gym weren't you running a gym at some point where you getting your back in our research you aren't you are ridiculous i come on cnn and the guy don't even know what he's talking about go ahead you at no point were you running a gym no no running a gym well you didn't take a time out something jesus fucking christ with these guys i come on the news for two seconds and you want to all right do an interview a guy wants to open his fucking mouth all right and do a little thank you very much you thought that you could hold back yourself you know what all right we'll go back to uh talking about art carney well whatever happened to that guy i love i love that guy was so good at his job gone cnn is so good at hiring people you know just go they're the best and and he deserved it because that was just so ridiculous like you know where i was the next night well sold out beacon theater i sold at the beacon about 20 something times i couldn't even tell you how many and it's like why is this guy what and i and i remember doing interviews about it back then going what was it his mommy doesn't like me no that's how i felt about it no i'll tell you what it is from the outside there was like a cultural narrative and the cultural narrative is if you're a good guy you hate that guy and you don't think that's funny you don't think the things he says are funny and again i i bring it to like all other kinds of fiction whether it's movies i like i like i like violent films and violent books i enjoy them i don't know why i like them i don't think that's really happening i don't think that's real like it's a is it fucked up that people getting shot is uh is entertainment for people i don't know it's up to you but no one's really getting shot so what the fuck are you worried about it's like well liza but the thing is like don't you don't have to like it that's the thing it's like for some reason it became like a hot button cultural issue like where your comedy was this character was demeaning and it was going to cause other people to be demeaning too but my my thought was is it going to cause you to be demeaning is our jokes going to cause you to be demeaning to people is that really possible so that who are we talking about we talking about kids and is that what's that on is that on the parents is that on the teachers is that on the kids or is that on dice to raise your kids you know what is that number one i just think you know we've been so held back now that comedians for the most part are just being held back because comedians as lenny bruce put it and i don't even study comics we're supposed to be a mirror of what's going on in the world and say things what's going on in a funny way that's all comedy supposed to be you know depending on how hard you want to get about it well that's up to the actual individual comic yeah but to put cuffs on comedians in 2023 is the dumbest thing i've ever heard of well you know this is the time where it's you know it's important to make fun of things because things get real serious yeah that shouldn't get that serious because you're not allowed to express and when people not allowed to fuck around when people have to you know i watch these shows with my girlfriend let me tell you something i i keep saying it but you know this is a girl that's been through a lot with me she's been through the palsy face she's the one giving me hot rat last night in the hotel with the hot rags on my face because as normal as i look okay the muscles are tight you know and it's fucked up okay and how long ago was it this is she would know better than me i don't know if it's a year it's a year in july i think somebody could ask her it's either a year or two years that i'm dealing with this but i refuse to back up you understand i refuse to just fall i've been like this my my whole life whatever goes wrong have a heart attack okay stop smoking that day just start working out like an animal and you know you you know you work out way different than me i've seen you kicking the bags i've seen you work i mean i give it up to you with that stuff but even if i do crunches i do sets of 100 so i'll do six seven hundred a day just to start the workout after i do some cardio it's all about repetition to me and just staying as good as i could feel if i if i don't feel that good in my chest because i'm paranoid because i had a heart attack when i'm in the gym and i'm pumping the weight doing the chest wear i go all right you're okay because i was taught a long time ago by a cardiologist the heart is a muscle and if the and if the heart can't handle it it won't let you do it it's that simple and even when i got my heart attack i'll never forget the minute i was told i could exercise a little i went up runyon canyon because i was either going to make it to the top of the canyon or not you know i'm not willing to live my life in fear you know fear stops people from doing all kinds of things they want to do even going after a career you know so i i just refused to do that and yeah if i got to feel some tightness in my face i'll feel it if they know what caused it um stress all stress related they said you know and stress is a very real thing you know there's a lot of very real things my my bills for the longest time were fifty thousand a month for probably thirty years of the last thirty five that's just the overhead right you know um very stressful you know i've gone through a ton of marriages you know so uh thank god i cheated on all of them you know yeah because i don't i don't want to cheat on a girlfriend because there's nothing at stake right you know what's she gonna do pack a bag and leave you cheat on a wife you could lose houses money alimony there's a lot you know what i mean so yeah i've enjoyed that process actually no actually the only two girls i've never cheated on in my life and i take a lot of pride when i say this is because you know ellen or is my opening yes and also to me one of the strongest i can't even call her a girl comic because she's so great up there she's fantastic she is to me one of the best comics i've ever lonore was the funny waitress for the longest time and and we've told the story i told the story when she came on the podcast she was the person that i always go to like someone in town i go hey did you see their set she go ah kind of hacking she never puts the fun every comic in the world has her number i just couldn't stand she see people gotta understand she was first my friend then you know like an ex-fiancee now and then she started doing stand-up and the first time i put her on stage she was off stage in four minutes the crowd didn't even let her get going uh it was at westbury music fair and anybody else would acquit the business from that humiliating moment first set ever yeah and i screamed at that crowd i hated them for that because it's like this is my opener you know what i mean have some fucking respect i didn't even want to go on you know well not only that but to be your opener and for to have that be your first time ever on stage that's insane which he didn't stop and what she's not doing three four sets a night yeah to this day she hustles to this day she's at the the the mothership too there isn't a crowd i've seen her bomb in front of she kills every time all the time my other favorite opener was jim naughton that the first time he opened for me and i put her right next to him you know as my two favorite openers ever because i actually got when we were in canada recently so i only normally do one show a night because i don't want to rush the crowd out they pay a high ticket price to see me so i like giving them time i like digging into the bits and coming up with stuff and it's not the day to laugh that died i i want to kill them i want them to walk out and go i never saw anybody like this he's better today than he was 30 fucking well we got a chance to see you me and norton and uh a couple other folks anthony and who else was with us yeah we got to see you at the riviera that was like one of the last that was very nostalgic for me because that was i think that i loved that place i think oh i loved the rev there wasn't that many i think you were one of the last shows there i when they shut down now they're i think they demolished it did they demolish riviera yeah they took it down hey i gotta get out of here soon so uh do you want to play some of these videos and tell me what led you to these fucking insane videos you talked about the day the laughter died yes okay that's on an album right all right so all the years people come all the days can i get a picture right right right and it's good to me people that are fans of yours and now and then i put one up in these videos but i was like why don't i just do the day the laughter died live i don't look for the fan i look for the guy that want that runs away from me you know that we i'm telling you we're doing pictures now on a whole show based on the day the laughter died you know which is called the famous face because i could come over to anybody i love it there was a girl in florida i don't know if we have her and these are people that don't know me you know there's nothing better than failing with a fan where they're looking at you going i want what it plays some of them we got a ton of it yeah put the headphones on so yeah i got a hit i want to see what i sent you even oh this is okay really joey from christian singles how you doing i don't think so joey all right hold that for a minute i'm gonna tell you about that okay so i do like to come up with like joey from christian single now that woman's at a bus stop waiting for a bus got a brooklyn so i know these are brooklyn people and i know this woman has been dealing with guys like joey her whole fucking life so i know before i even and i'm with my girlfriends in the background like we looked for targets i call them that i'm looking at this woman i'm like watch this watch this i know she's gonna hate me but her response was so quick that's how quick people are when they grow up like the minute i said reader joey from christian singh the speed of her just looking at me you just know she i don't think so joey you know what i mean she shut you the fuck down again show that one again i loved that that's one of my favorites there is something magical about those people oh and you gotta have guts to go over to people trust me they're fucking strangers let's find another one because we're gonna wrap this up okay let's find another one so i find another one we don't have to play a second but i enjoy these deeply some of them are so uncomfortable because they go for so long oh this guy's great this is in la this is called the show all right i don't normally do this you guys seem like good guys yeah all right you ready yeah funny oh mother hubby went to the cupboard to get her all doggo bone right yeah she bent over oh sorry right yeah you know yeah well i was listening sorry no like the bone of her own the bone of her own what do you want me to do all right give him a third one give him a third one please i love these so much they're so uncomfortable oh this guy looks amazing this guy looks amazing oh no this is no no play that one though play that one this is great okay i don't believe it billy how you doing this is so give me this is so because i i never got to see you in concert you know what i mean so this is like like a trail to me i don't know and like i only need three songs from you tonight i know you're gonna do a lot but uh like just the way we was that's one of them right and uh the uptown girl thing and um oh how we uh you know the rain we made it through the rain that day nowhere that ain't me what do you mean that that's not my stuff we made it through no that's probably my own no i'm just saying i know you're just saying but it ain't me no i'm no i'm just gonna go sit and wait you know what i mean thanks for your time okay you don't do that ever like for no reason like did he get ready for that okay do you see like the girl the heavy that girl to the right what this isn't what okay i just joey pineapple from christian singles oh what happens on on the internet is that the fans my real fans get really pissed off at these people going how do new yorkers not fucking know that this is dice well you're in a costume no well look at the glasses it's like a windshield yeah you know you can't see your face but also now and then i do put up a real fan because you know i can't have people think nobody knows me you know what i mean so i like destroy my own career by doing this so we're trying to sell that show and um so i just want to tell you about with with doug ellen because it meant because of these shots i've had in my life that like i said he was getting ready to do and and trust me none of these people asked me to talk about i'm talking about it because it meant the world to me and because we've talked about my acting you know and so when they were doing the last this is why i told you how great i thought you were when they were doing the last season of entourage i meet with doug at the so-ho house and he goes listen he goes tell me what's been going on in your life i haven't seen you a lot you know and i told him it's been tough it that was a really down time i never hurt for making a living because of all the millions of people i entertain so there's always a core audience but i wasn't up there where i was at top of mind type of thing so he goes listen to me he goes i'm just gonna tell you the truth i remember where i was when the danger field special ed he goes to me you're the greatest comic ever hands down he goes i'm giving you the last season of entourage and he goes and that's gonna air and wait till you see because he knew that i loved acting he goes wait till you see where your career goes and the minute that thing aired it was like the rodney special number one i did a special right after it called indestructible that i had my sons that have um still rebel band uh you know opened the show and they got to play one of their songs and they were phenomenal and i know we're wrapping up but they're called it still rebel band people could go and look at them but they're great musicians and so that was a thrill to do the special with my family and have elinor open and bring them on and they bring me on and from that here comes woody allen did you woody allen ever think of giving dice a movie and everybody thought i was going to be nominated for this movie with kate blanchett and sally hawkins and bobby kind of owl that's how we became friends so i started working and doing what i originally set out to do in the acting field all the way to working with scorsese the greatest and then the biggest thing i did was the star was born with bradley cooper and lady gaga and you know i you know i would just say i'm finally after all everything i've gone through all these fights and because i didn't back down from it and i did go after it and i'm not trying even though i love the rocky movies it is true that you have to push forward and not back up and not just oh woe is me type of fucking thing and go after the dream and believe in it and i've gotten to work with the greatest actors actresses directors all the way to date even doing you know um you know working with sebastian stan and the new uh when they did the pam and tommy series on hulu recently and i'm going this was the dream that was the dream not the stand-up that was something i was i just started getting good at working on myself so even if you had to choose between one or the other uh take the act right now yeah uh i would choose stand-up because i have been having see i do two types of shows i play you know i do the big stages still like atlantic city i'm booked for all those i'm doing of course uh diaz he does uh sony hall so i'm doing two shows there in june i just don't know the exact i think 16th and 17th of june i'm going to hawaii but my my favorite shows um are the club dice shows like i'm doing for you tomorrow you know because that's how it all started and the fans coming to see that are fans that did sit in the in in the shitty seats you know in section 200 where i'm the size of an ant and they're going all right so you know for a hundred bucks i could come in grab a couple beers and sit 20 feet away from dice and watch them work you know and and i just love it so much and i feel i'm better at stand-up than i've ever been in my life because i got 45 years experience yeah like even you know when starbucks started the whole thing about plastic this fucking asshole who built a career mr star i think that's what i was doing at the rib you know when i said just talk about what people understand yeah you know talk about getting older talk about waking up you can't feel your fucking feet you're opening your eyes and you're going my fucking neck fuck that guy with the pillow you know and i go talk about what people relate to so when that happened and i'm going no more plastic straws what about the cup i go the the fish are good with the cup but you know somehow my straw is choking moby fucking dick to death you know and i'm eating cardboard out of the cup now so it's just real stuff people relate to like when i talk about the sex and i'm not going to go into routines but i'm just saying being real on stage so you what you're saying is you're having fun i'm having a blast with this you know and i i'm doing too much actually where are you working out primarily um all over the country like i just show on places and yeah i just did edmonton i just did minneapolis i just did arizona right that's what you're performing are you working out anywhere are you going up at the store are you going up because i i've been in new york mostly so sometimes i stop in at the cellar but i'm working and doing so many fucking shows well you know i mean it's just like oh look at this hotel room you know it's every city the hotel that's what i can't take the travel yeah you know what i mean and i do deal with a lot with the fucking palsy face and like i said it looks good but it bothers the stiffness you know gets to me and you know you go to a town you want to work out there well there's a gym in the hotel and it's i mean your gym is one thing you know but i i like to have the routine you know but i love entertaining the people and i love you know like i said i love the club dice shows i love the concerts but you know and i'm not doing i'll do up to uh i don't know 2500 seats will be about the max i'll do you know but 300 seat is 200 seat is the best you could i could go for two hours in those places you know because the audience is eating up like i i could imagine yeah i know he's gone but if elvis was alive and doing little concerts you know in 500 seats i'd be there yeah i'd want to see that well i think all the best comics agree that doing the clubs is kind of important it's it's everything you can't just do big places and there's something about doing the clubs like they just bring there's an intimacy there's a lack of bullshit joey let me tightens up your material i'm gonna tell you when i was doing all those arenas and i know you do them now um i started getting claustrophobic right after about three years i i it was hard to take so i get a call because i became great friends with um uh axl rose and guns and roses so axl calls me and he's talking like common sense to me because he goes i want you to open for me at the rose bowl in between metallica and us you know i need you to open the show and i'm like you know i love you you're gonna kill it i go i i can't do that anymore i go it's too many people he goes dice you just come out and look at the sky it'll be great and this is axl who's been called nutty you know talking common sense i don't you're right it's outside now you're talking about a show it was 104 over 100 000 people 104 000 a little more than that and and metallica just did two hours and i'm backstage with the camera and the cameras were big back then and i'm filming slash and he looks up you know and he goes who's behind the camera i go it's dice you know i was i was just thinking like what are you gonna say when you go out there oh that's really helping 104 000 people let me tell you number one it was one of the greatest moments of my entire career you know and i walked out to a uh queen we will rock you so the drum beats playing you know boom boom the minute i walked out there i could have done two hours the whole stadium stood up for me i got a chill it was unreal and afterwards they have after parties that are bigger than most concerts and it's always a theme and it was casablanca okay with a 16-piece orchestra and i would always tease matt surum about you're a good drummer but you know you play rock and roll that's a pretty simple basic shit you know and uh but i would tease him because he's obviously a great great rock drummer and uh and all axel wanted to do after the show was just hang with me instead of the little table with him and my girl and his girl and surum is over there and i go all right all right let's put this soil to rest and i go over to the band which is a big you got marilyn minn rose walking around uh humphrey bogart's walking around you know and i go over to the band leader and i go do you have the uh the chart for sing sing sing which is a benny goodman song that the drummers play a big part i'm sure you don't you know the song right um so there's a big drum solo in that like a tom tom big thing and i get behind the set and i go nuts on the solo like real big on the tom tom like jean croupa type of drumming and afterwards i come over and i hand surum the sticks and i go show me when you could do that because i'm playing the entire arrangement by heart the whole band is reading it off the chart i just know the song and i know how it goes and to experience that kind of moment is unreal you know and then you know well i don't think you would know this but i was very um i helped put that band back together that's why they're out there really my son max when he started playing drums he was 11 years old at 15 he goes dad you know because he knew i was close with the band he goes you know you're the only one that could put that band back together i go why why me because because you don't gain anything i go what do you mean he goes you don't want anything and i didn't you know i said well we'll see maybe one day so now years later i'm touring australia and the minute i got there at the hotel i was staying at there slash having breakfast and sitting out on the porch on the rooftop of this whatever city i was in in australia that i landed in um the main city so sydney uh sydney sydney so i come over behind him i go yeah because i was still smoking back then i mind if i smoke and he goes yeah and dice and he gets all excited and we start talking so now it gets to a part he says i said so uh what happened with the band why is it what are you doing here he goes well i'm playing the star spangled banner at the uh football game today and i look at him i go really that's what you did a 17 hour flight for i go that's big and he goes what's wrong with that i go at the greatest rock band in the world what happened he goes well i did hear axl's been showing up for his shows at the hard rock and they i said yeah i closed the last one for him i opened the last one for him at the joint in vegas and i go so wait a minute so you mean to tell me this band is not together millions of new fans forget the old fans don't get to hear the band because probably one of the top three greatest front men ever shows up late for some of the shows and that's why you took a 17 hour fucking flight to play their fucking national anthem like an asshole and he starts laughing okay so now a minute i come back to the states uh i called duff who i was more friendly within the whole band and asked him to come check out my sons on birbank boulevard they were playing a club and uh so he comes with his wife and the band was really tight at that time this before pandemic you know and uh and he stayed through the whole set because let me tell you something with a rock star if they don't like what they're hearing we got to get home we got a babysitter you know the deal yeah if you see a shit comic i i gotta go i gotta be up six more okay he turns around to me he goes get ready you know he loved the band that's awesome and he's sitting this close to where my son dylan is playing lead guitar and singing which dylan couldn't get passed it was amazing i wouldn't be able to do it you know the next day we got a starbucks it's me hem tom mayhew who was the road manager and my son max who's the drummer in in our band and um so we're talking about the next move to put gnr back together so tom is like well the thing is every time slash puts out a tweet it's always condescending i said well that's what's got to get fixed because duff was all all in you know he's just a regular great guy one of the greatest bass players i love him and um so now slash puts out the tweet that axles one of the greatest you know next thing you know i'm at the troubadour with my sons and the vip seeing their first show ever where axl you know uh broke his ankle during that show and kept going nobody knew he broke it you know he fell off the uh the fucking speaker that he stands on but it always just brings me a lot of joy that they put that band back together because they're so incredible you know it's like millions of people that's them and that's the troubadour yeah i was at that show i was in the balcony we could all thank dice you know well the only one i ever talked to about was uh rolling stone i never needed you know really people to know that i just get a lot of joy because my son's now listen it's great i'm a giant fan you're fucking awesome yeah they were fucking awesome that was my favorite lifting music so that exactly jungle exactly jungle paradise city sweet child of mine come on man yeah some jams yeah i guess i gotta wrap this up all right.