Andrew Dice Clay on Being Banned from MTV

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Andrew Dice Clay

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Andrew Dice Clay is a stand-up comic, actor, and author. www.andrewdiceclay.com

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Let me tell you something. When you're the first guy to... I'm the first guy to do what I did. Yes. You know, I mean, I always looked up to Eddie Murphy. I think he's the absolute greatest from stand up to the films he's done. And that's sort of the career I wanted. I figured I would just go from doing, you know, millions of people on the road to just movie stardom. You know, but, you know, I got the backlash. You were the first to get the backlash. Yeah, but yeah, I was the first... Ban from MTV. So, ban from MTV? Ban from MTV for jokes. I mean, you're bringing up stuff I want to bring up, but let me... Alright, so with MTV, this is what you'll love. This is the part you don't know. Well, didn't they approve that set anywhere? No, they didn't approve anything. They didn't know? No, see, you know, this is the thing. You know, I always had an expression. Nobody fucks with dice. Dice does the fucking. In the past, the present, the future and a day, dice ultimately does the fucking. That's it. In the multiverse. So, I come for the rehearsal and my whole job was to hit my mark and ladies and gentlemen, I remember it, the last Puritan, Cher, and I make that move with my hand. Cher. Okay. So, I'm getting ready and they already had a couple comics on that just tanked, you know, Paul Reiser and I think he's great, but... Tough crowds. You don't come out on the MTV Awards at the Universal Amphitheater and talk about the Hacks Sinatra War. I'm looking at my friend going, look at the crowd. No, it's like he's not even in the room. You know, my friend says to me, he goes, well, you could go out there and you could either be a teardrop or you could be a tidal wave. You know you. Okay. So, I don't really want to go nuts. I'm trying to do the right thing. I got the biggest manager ever, Sandy Gallon, who had everybody from Whoopi to Stallone to Dolly Parton. I mean, I'm sure you know the name Sandy Gallon. Okay. So biggest manager in Hollywood. So I'm trying to do the right thing. And so now, I don't know, a minute before I go out, Arsenio's the host. Here comes Dick Clark, who, wow, it's Dick Clark. You know, you grow up watching this man. And he comes over just to hear him call me Dice was hilarious. And he goes, look, Dice, if you got to stretch, Arsenio will come over to you and you'll play around and I go, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. What do you mean stretch? Stretch what? You know, what am I stretching? My dick? What are you talking about? No, I'm not even kidding. He goes, no, you know, because Cher might not be ready. I go, no, no, no, we didn't work anything out, you know, Arsenio. And I had no problem with Arsenio, but, you know, this is a standalone spot, you know, and he goes, well, this is the way things go. I go, don't fucking tell me how things go. Okay? You're not my boss. You know, and as I'm getting angry at him, which in my mind, I'm going, are you really getting angry at Dick Clark? Right? They start introducing me. Well, I come out there. Now I'm angry. Now everybody's going to pay. Now everybody will be disciplined. I don't know how I did the set, but I went into the poems. Now you got to understand this is not HBO or Showtime. This is MTV. This is everybody gets this. It's free. You know, I go into the poems and what was the poem? Oh, that got me banned. I go, Georgie Porgie, putting in pie, jerked off in his girlfriend's eye. When I was dry and shut, Georgie fucked that one eyed slut. Oh, and the crowd's going fucking crazy. So I figured go into my fat girl stuff. And that ended with you don't know where the tits begin and the belly ends. It's like one big glop of shit. Right? And I go, now I go, cause they gave me a signal. Ladies and gentlemen, the last Puritan Cher, and she comes out singing, If I Could Turn Back Time, which is what everybody was thinking in the room, if we could turn back time about eight minutes. But in the meantime, while I'm doing the act, Dick Clark goes to charge me and Arsenio jumps on his back and tackles him. Dick Clark, Dick Clark's trying to stop your set. Dick Clark was going to jump. He went out of his fucking mind. His hair got messy. I'll put it to you that way. So now, now I come off the stage, Eddie, right? Jamie. Listen, Jamie. Young Jamie. Young Jamie. So now they're taking me into the press tents. Not one question was asked and it was all the press in the world. Sandy Gallon calls me at home. He goes, I was praying that what I was watching on TV was only coming through my television. Then I get a call from a club owner, remember Rascals and West Orange, the owner Mark Magnum, said the greatest guy. So Kenison was there who, I always say he was having a rivalry with me. I was happy for him when his career took off. I was thrilled for him. He had no problem with me because I was on the show Crime Story at the time. And he was doing, I don't know, four or five thousand seats a night. He was the guy before I took off. When my career took off, it went straight to arenas. I was doing 80 to 100 thousand people a week and he just couldn't handle it for whatever reason. So he goes, so Kenison's watching this. That's it. He's done. He's finished. In the meantime, the reality was I went from doing one arena show, let's say at the spectrum in Philly, to two arena shows or three arena shows where Bill Burr saw me in Boston, whatever arena I did there. I had one show, went to three shows. It just got bigger and bigger and bigger. Nothing was hurting. The next day there's this big meeting at MTV and Rick Rubin was there. My people that I worked with, Sandy Gell, all these, but it was the presidents that banning me for life, which is hilarious. I'm not even a singer. I'm like, so I'm banned. What do I give a shit? Look at the numbers. But Dick Clark, this is why Dick Clark became Dick Clark. Because the guy that was trying to tackle and beat me to a pulp for what I was doing is standing there. His hair is now fixed the next day. And he says to a roomful of executives when they're banning me for life, he goes, are you sure you want to do that? Because Rick Rubin told me. He goes, this guy is the biggest thing in the world right now and you're banning him for life. It was just one of the crazy moments of the backlash of my career.The Jerogan Experience. Let me tell you something. When you're the first guy to... I'm the first guy to do what I did. Yes. You know, I mean, I always looked up to Eddie Murphy. I think he's the absolute greatest from stand up to the films he's done. And that's sort of the career I wanted. I figured I would just go from doing, you know, millions of people on the road to just movie stardom. You know, but, you know, I got the backlash. You were the first to get the backlash. Yeah, but yeah, I was the first... Ban from MTV. So, ban from MTV? Ban from MTV for jokes. I mean, you're bringing up stuff I want to bring up, but let me... Alright, so with MTV, this is what you'll love. This is the part you don't know. Well, didn't they approve that set anywhere? No, they didn't approve anything. They didn't know? No, see, you know, this is the thing. You know, I always had an expression. Nobody fucks with dice. Dice does the fucking. In the past, the present, the future and a day, dice ultimately does the fucking. That's it. In the multiverse. So, I come for the rehearsal and my whole job was to hit my mark and ladies and gentlemen, I remember it, the last Puritan, Cher, and I make that move with my hand. Cher. Okay. So, I'm getting ready and they already had a couple comics on that just tanked, you know, Paul Reiser and I think he's great, but... Tough crowds. You don't come out on the MTV Awards at the Universal Amphitheater and talk about the Hacks Sinatra War. I'm looking at my friend going, look at the crowd. No, it's like he's not even in the room. You know, my friend says to me, he goes, well, you could go out there and you could either be a teardrop or you could be a tidal wave. You know you. Okay. So, I don't really want to go nuts. I'm trying to do the right thing. I got the biggest manager ever, Sandy Gallon, who had everybody from Whoopi to Stallone to Dolly Parton. I mean, I'm sure you know the name Sandy Gallon. Okay. So biggest manager in Hollywood. So I'm trying to do the right thing. And so now, I don't know, a minute before I go out, Arsenio's the host. Here comes Dick Clark, who, wow, it's Dick Clark. You know, you grow up watching this man. And he comes over just to hear him call me Dice was hilarious. And he goes, look, Dice, if you got to stretch, Arsenio will come over to you and you'll play around and I go, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. What do you mean stretch? Stretch what? You know, what am I stretching? My dick? What are you talking about? No, I'm not even kidding. He goes, no, you know, because Cher might not be ready. I go, no, no, no, we didn't work anything out, you know, Arsenio. And I had no problem with Arsenio, but, you know, this is a standalone spot, you know, and he goes, well, this is the way things go. I go, don't fucking tell me how things go. Okay? You're not my boss. You know, and as I'm getting angry at him, which in my mind, I'm going, are you really getting angry at Dick Clark? Right? They start introducing me. Well, I come out there. Now I'm angry. Now everybody's going to pay. Now everybody will be disciplined. I don't know how I did the set, but I went into the poems. Now you got to understand this is not HBO or Showtime. This is MTV. This is everybody gets this. It's free. You know, I go into the poems and what was the poem? Oh, that got me banned. I go, Georgie Porgie, putting in pie, jerked off in his girlfriend's eye. When I was dry and shut, Georgie fucked that one eyed slut. Oh, and the crowd's going fucking crazy. So I figured go into my fat girl stuff. And that ended with you don't know where the tits begin and the belly ends. It's like one big glop of shit. Right? And I go, now I go, cause they gave me a signal. Ladies and gentlemen, the last Puritan Cher, and she comes out singing, If I Could Turn Back Time, which is what everybody was thinking in the room, if we could turn back time about eight minutes. But in the meantime, while I'm doing the act, Dick Clark goes to charge me and Arsenio jumps on his back and tackles him. Dick Clark, Dick Clark's trying to stop your set. Dick Clark was going to jump. He went out of his fucking mind. His hair got messy. I'll put it to you that way. So now, now I come off the stage, Eddie, right? Jamie. Listen, Jamie. Young Jamie. Young Jamie. So now they're taking me into the press tents. Not one question was asked and it was all the press in the world. Sandy Gallon calls me at home. He goes, I was praying that what I was watching on TV was only coming through my television. Then I get a call from a club owner, remember Rascals and West Orange, the owner Mark Magnum, said the greatest guy. So Kenison was there who, I always say he was having a rivalry with me. I was happy for him when his career took off. I was thrilled for him. He had no problem with me because I was on the show Crime Story at the time. And he was doing, I don't know, four or five thousand seats a night. He was the guy before I took off. When my career took off, it went straight to arenas. I was doing 80 to 100 thousand people a week and he just couldn't handle it for whatever reason. So he goes, so Kenison's watching this. That's it. He's done. He's finished. In the meantime, the reality was I went from doing one arena show, let's say at the spectrum in Philly, to two arena shows or three arena shows where Bill Burr saw me in Boston, whatever arena I did there. I had one show, went to three shows. It just got bigger and bigger and bigger. Nothing was hurting. The next day there's this big meeting at MTV and Rick Rubin was there. My people that I worked with, Sandy Gell, all these, but it was the presidents that banning me for life, which is hilarious. I'm not even a singer. I'm like, so I'm banned. What do I give a shit? Look at the numbers. But Dick Clark, this is why Dick Clark became Dick Clark. Because the guy that was trying to tackle and beat me to a pulp for what I was doing is standing there. His hair is now fixed the next day. And he says to a roomful of executives when they're banning me for life, he goes, are you sure you want to do that? Because Rick Rubin told me. He goes, this guy is the biggest thing in the world right now and you're banning him for life. It was just one of the crazy moments of the backlash of my career.