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Bill Burr is a standup comedian, actor, and host of the Monday Morning Podcast. He's also the voice of Frank Murphy in the Netflix animated sitcom F is for Family, currently in its fourth season.
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Steve Martin, Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life
To watch later... or never
You gotta laugh
Comedians and other people associated with The Comedy Store (for the regulars like Duncan, included only their 3 most recent)
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Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
We're already rolling, so just keep going.
Oh, sorry.
Sorry, we are?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, yeah.
We're talking about Steve Byrne's new movie.
Yeah, opening act.
Steve Byrne got in a lot of fights?
Yeah, he had more than...
He's so nice.
He is.
He is, but I don't know what it was.
But I remember he was at the comic strip, and he did the late night show, and
somehow somebody
threw a chair at him.
I remember it hit him in the head, and he got cut.
And then two days later, I go to the comic strip, and somebody had taken his
headshot down and
put staples in his forehead where he got hit by the chair and put it back up.
I guess back when you could do stuff like that, he could just tease somebody.
So he had that movie coming out.
I was just saying it got nominated for some film festival award.
So I was very, very happy for him.
He's a guy...
Like, if you had told me, like, do you think Steve Byrne has ever been in a
fight?
I'd be like, no, he's so nice.
Who's going to fight Steve Byrne?
I'll let Steve come on here one day and tell the story.
I would love to hear it.
I know a half a dozen.
Well, Al Madrigal's another one.
Like, when I heard that Al Madrigal has a temper, I'm like, what?
Al?
I didn't...
I've never seen it.
That's weird.
Like, the side of Al I know is always hugs.
Like, I've known Al since he was an opening act at the Old Cobbs in San
Francisco.
Down, you know, downstairs, the little tiny club.
Did you ever work that place?
No, I did.
I've done the regular...
I didn't know there was another one.
The Old Cobbs was tiny.
It was a little tiny place.
It was like...
There was Tom Sawyer, the guy who ran the second Cobbs.
He used to run, like...
It was a great club.
It was great.
He had a real good taste for comedy, so the level of comedy was very good.
Dom Herrera told me about it.
So I went there, and this was when Al Madrigal was first starting out.
One of the first times I ever hung out with Al Madrigal.
I was working there for the weekend.
Al was the...
I think he was the emcee.
And after the show, he and I went over to...
I think it was his brother's house.
And we got super baked and watched old Oprah Winfrey episodes.
It was Oprah back when it was Big Hair Oprah.
Remember Big Hair Oprah?
I remember Crazy Show Oprah.
That was the show.
She had like KKK people, and there was like white plastic chairs.
Yeah, midgets and all kinds of crazy shit.
That was what Oprah was.
And we were just barbecued, smoking out of a bong like high school kids.
Right.
Watching Oprah Winfrey.
That's amazing.
Yeah, this Big Hair Oprah.
Old school.
Old school.
I don't remember.
That's when she was probably just in Chicago, right?
I do not know, but it was like...
No, wait.
I was watching it back.
Or I knew of it.
Well, that was back when she had the smarts to see where that was going.
Because that was like Morton Downey Jr., the Ricky Lakes, and all of them were
just doing...
Like daytime TV was fucking bananas.
Crazy.
It was crazy.
And then Jerry Springer, I think he was like the goat of all of that stuff.
He hung in there longer than all of them.
Jenny Jones was doing it.
But remember Jenny Jones, she used to have a comedy show.
Do you remember this?
Where it was women's only.
Jenny Jones was a comic before she was ever one of those daytime talk show
hosts.
Okay.
She was like a pretty good comic, you know, doing the road.
But she found a niche, and that niche was girls only.
So she wouldn't let anybody in that was a man.
No managers.
Get the fuck out of here.
It was all women.
And so they would tell like dirty dick sucking stories and wild shit.
And they just do wild comedy only for women.
And Jenny Jones had a super popular daytime talk show until they had a show
where they had a guy on.
And he said, you have a secret crush.
And they bring in the secret crush.
And it's another guy that he works with.
And the guy who he works with was like, you know, I've always fantasized about
you and this and that.
And so he went over to that guy's house after the show aired.
He was embarrassed.
And he shot him and killed him.
Yeah, I remember.
Yeah, and then they were like, that was it.
They killed the show.
Well, you know, it happens.
Music, there's everything like that.
That was the end of the disco era, I guess, of the talk shows.
But with Al Magical, I can't imagine that he had a temper.
Like my experiences with Al Magical was always super fun, very friendly, always
laughing.
No, he doesn't snap.
He just sort of gets quiet and then stares at the target and the wheels start
turning.
Like he is like, I think he's half Sicilian, half Mexican.
So he has all that love, family, all that.
But if you cross him, that other things come into moment.
Like it's like, it's not like me.
I got like the German-Irish temper where I just flip on and I start screaming.
He's like plotting your demise.
I used to do a thing with him at Nerd Melt.
And I swear to God, it was like every three shows,
he would tell a story about something that he did during his daily dad life,
something that somebody did to him and what he did to get revenge.
And, you know, as he's telling it, he's not in the mindset.
He was like, okay, so they did this.
And so I was like, okay.
And then I went down.
And then just this calculated, like, it made it more disturbing.
It made it more disturbing.
Well, he used to have to fire people for his family's business.
Right.
And I think he developed a hard shell when he had to learn how to do that.
No, he has an incredible book in him on how to do that.
And then also how to like break up with women the way he did it.
Like it was just like, I don't, these are his stories.
So yeah, you got to have him on, have him tell the story of how he,
like how the way he would end a relationship.
I haven't seen Alan forever.
Yeah.
No, it's.
Is he doing comedy during this pandemic shit?
I haven't seen anybody unless you were on the same parking lot show that I was
on or,
or, or whatever.
Like I, I've started, um, uh, the magic castle parking lot where they,
they park everybody's cars is that's a good one that I've been doing.
They're doing shows there?
Yeah.
Stand up?
Dude, they're actually funny shit.
Really?
The first night I went there, I bombed.
Like I, it was my first five minutes because my idea,
because this stand up thing is you don't understand like how you're just
listening to the crowd.
Yeah.
And they're, they're in your, like, you, you lock in where they're at.
And then you start taking them where they're going, where you want them to go.
Right.
And you get on a roll and then that's when you can start, you know, get, start
killing.
They're in their cars.
So it was like, it was, it felt like I was like deaf trying to do stand up and
trying to
gauge how they were laughing.
But what's the weirdest thing though is just after one night you adjust to it.
And then your whole new idea of what killing sounds like.
You're able to block out the traffic and the police helicopters.
I'm not even joking that are going up because it's right in downtown Hollywood.
And then it just becomes this crazy fun gig.
And there's comics waiting to go on behind you.
It's really this amazing thing where I kind of like, uh, feel like you're kind
of going back to just the pure love of just going up there,
trying shit out, making people laugh, supporting other comics.
People are adapting.
Yeah.
It's been, uh, it's been, uh, it's, it's crazy a year and so much bad stuff has
happened to so many people that, that aspect of it has been fun.
And, and, um, it kind of woke up all this, uh, muscle memory that I had as a
comedian that I lost.
Cause once you start selling tickets, you do get a little softer because you
get the, well, oh, it's this guy.
We like this guy.
Where before I had to go back to like, like, okay, I got to get these people.
I don't have to go on stage and now I, I, I have to avoid losing them.
You know, Joey Diaz started to get some popularity.
And when Joey Diaz started to get some popularity, one of the things he started
doing is going to the dirtiest, dingiest open mics that he could find.
Like specifically, I go, why do you like doing that?
He goes, Joe Rogan.
He goes, you can't forget your roots.
You can't forget your roots, Joe Rogan.
And he, he was like, he was serious about it.
I could hear him like take, I was on the phone with him taking hits off the
joint.
Joe Rogan, listen to me.
These motherfuckers don't know.
They don't know.
They don't know what we went through.
They don't know the fucking trenches.
These fucking kids out here are soft.
He goes, they're talking to me.
Oh, I can't get up at the comedy store.
I can't get up at the comedy.
Bitch, I did 20 minutes in La Hombra.
I drove down to a fucking Chinese restaurant and I did an open mic night in
front of 15 people.
And only 10 of them spoke English.
And he would just do these gigs.
He would do four a night.
Like I go, what'd you do last night?
He goes, I went down here and then Felipe has a room.
I went down and I did that.
And then I did that.
And he would do this on a regular basis.
And he did it specifically because he felt like he had to be in motion.
He goes, I got to, I got to, I got to go back to my roots.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, I didn't do that.
I've done a few of those.
That's what he's like about Ha Ha.
There was a point where I started to do those because the comedy store got so
crazy.
It was such like, it was so like just on 10.
Yeah.
Then everybody was murdering everything.
Like even during the, every night started feeling like Saturday night.
Like I want to go out, lean on the mic stand, try out some shit, feel out a
story or something
like that.
And then I'm going on after, you know, these, these beasts on the show.
And it was like, ah, man, I, so I started doing the belly room.
And then, um, there was, there was a really cool one on Fairfax that I was
doing in this
back room of this, like, uh, I want to say Russian bar or something like that.
That was great.
It was fucking great.
And I went there and I felt that, that thing again, where it was like, you know,
um, I
feel like if I go to the comedy store, somebody knows who I am.
If I go to that one, people, like most of the people don't even know who I am.
Cause you, you start to forget like just how much shit there is out there to
watch.
And, and all you need is just like 1200 people in each city to know who you are.
And you could do like a theater.
Yeah.
But you know, you can have a very niche level thing.
Like I tried to explain that to somebody where they go, oh, you're selling this
thing
out.
So everybody knows who you are.
It's like, no, it's like there's people selling out Madison square garden that
you've
never, bands you've never even fucking heard of.
But there's, there's 20,000 people that know who they are.
You know what I mean?
So I'm sort of tapping into that, trying to go to these places where, um, you
could have
that fun again of like, oh, you don't think I'm funny.
Oh, you guys don't know, like, yeah, and I know how to do this shit.
And so then that also means you don't know how I joke around.
So now I can have this fun of, of like, you don't know what my style is.
So it can still be like surprising as opposed to, oh, now he's going to do this.
Now he's going to flip out.
And then I'm going to laugh and clap.
And then he's going to say goodnight.
You know, you can kind of break out of that, which is, uh, is fun.
The worst thing that can happen to a comic is you get real soft because
everybody loves
you and they go to see you and they laugh at anything you say.
That's one of the reasons why Steve Martin said he stopped touring.
Right.
Because Steve Martin, when I was a kid, uh, Let's Get Small was out and he
would come
out with the bunny ears on and like play the banjo.
Fuck.
He was so good.
These kids today, these motherfucking kids today, they don't know that Steve
Martin was a monster.
No, they don't know about that, but they know they're doing Hell Room.
Somebody just shows up at the comedy.
Oh, no, no, no.
That's not what I mean.
Oh, okay.
I mean, they don't know how good Steve Martin was.
Like people forgot when Steve Martin was doing arena.
We wasn't doing, I don't know if he was doing arenas.
No, he did.
He did like Nassau Coliseum.
Oh, okay.
He got that big.
When he was doing his albums, like they were so silly and so fun and so
different.
He had his own unique style, you know?
And, uh, when he just felt like anything he did, they laughed at and he lost
track of whether
or not it was good or not, and he just stopped doing it.
Yeah.
And I remember thinking when I was first starting doing comedy, I can't imagine,
A, that that
could ever happen, or B, that you can't, there's not a workaround, Steve?
You're the fucking man.
I think it really was he also had all these ideas for film and all the stuff
that he did.
Yeah.
Um, but you know, it's kind of interesting, like where he is, where, what he
used to say
about, uh, like, it was such a serious time that he was coming out of all, like,
you know,
the previous decade, all the assassinations, the Vietnam War, the gas crisis
and all that.
And all these comics were talking about all this heavy shit and he was just
super silly.
They just, it was like a mental break.
Um, somebody came to us, uh, with a, um, a pilot idea for something and it was
over the
top, like absurd and silly.
And like, that was my reference.
I'm going through, this is like the Steve Martin bunny ear thing.
Everybody's like going with Trump and, and the virus and it's like, this thing
is just
silly.
There's no, there's no me too cancel call.
There's nothing in here.
You can just sit down like that dumb and dumber type of thing.
That type of stuff that I love.
Yeah, there he is.
Look at him.
Dude, I'm telling you people, people today, it's hard to appreciate how big he
was.
And I was a kid, right?
So that when, when Steve Martin was huge, I mean, what year was this?
Uh, the one thing is 84, but yeah, all this is probably before that too.
Yeah.
Was he still doing comic and comedy in 84?
I thought he, I found a video that said it was a standup performance from 84.
So that's probably right around the time when he stopped.
But I thought he stopped before that.
But when I was in high school was when Steve Martin was born standing up.
He's got a great book too.
That's the book.
Born Standing Up.
You know what kills me is I loaned that to somebody.
There you go.
Gave it up in 81.
I never got it back.
81.
So he gave it up when I was a freshman in high school.
The book is great.
Red Band gave me the book for Christmas one year.
It's really good.
It's, it's really interesting too, because like I said, I don't, I think when
you talk
about like great comics of all these generations, for whatever reason, people
just think of
him as a great movie star.
They think The Jerk, which is unbelievably funny movie and all those amazing
movies that
he did.
That was a great movie.
He doesn't like these kids.
So stupid.
He was so good.
He was so silly.
What was the mafia movie he played?
What was that one?
The guy with the big hair?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he goes into the supermarket and he just, he gets the price gun and
everything's like
99 cents and he's kind of standing there as he's scanning all this filet mignons
and
everything.
What was that?
My Blue Heaven.
My Blue Heaven.
Yeah.
Yeah, Rick Moranis.
That was a great fucking, that bit that you did on Saturday Night Live about
Rick Moranis
getting punched in the face.
I was fucking howling.
Do you know, I thought that if anything, I thought, because everybody loves
Rick, which
I do too, of course, I was just, you know, it was the perfect.
Just a joke.
Yeah, I thought that that was the one that was going to get people upset.
It's like, everybody loves Rick Moranis.
Who wants to see him get punched?
Well, it's, he's a white man.
You can punch a white man today and they have very little sympathy for it.
Yeah, I was, I think it was because of the other shit that I, well, there was a
lot.
You know what's annoying is somebody was trying to say why that white woman
joke worked really
fucking annoyed me.
It's like, it worked because he called himself out for being a toxic white male
too.
It's like, shut, it's not, that's not why it worked.
It worked because it's true.
And what I love about that bit, the second I'm going into it, people of color
are already
laughing.
Yeah.
The part where I say toxic white male thing is to get the person who wrote that
article
to come along for the ride.
Yeah.
And they, they, yeah, yeah.
You know why it worked.
Yeah.
I don't know why it works.
I'm the guy who fucking wrote it and I'm watching it.
Watching it work.
But why don't you explain to me the fucking arrogance of that is what, I mean,
I listen
to all this music.
I would never sit there.
You know why that song works?
But don't you think that it's also.
Because he uses this fucking chord to something.
It's just.
But it's a popular culture moment and it's a time, it's a, it's an opportunity
to do commentary
to make an article that you know is going to get a lot of clicks.
It's a scam.
Yeah.
Maybe I'm taking the bait.
I don't know what it is, but it's just like, I don't mind.
I like this.
I don't like this.
Yeah.
But don't fucking sit there and start, you know, I'm going to tell a mechanic
why the
car he just fixed is fucking working, not knowing how to fix a car.
A lot of what's going on today with commentary is disingenuous in that it's not
necessarily
what they really think, but it's what they think will get a reaction from the
people that
align with their ideology.
I found the solution to it.
What is it?
The solution.
I just, I don't pay attention, even though I did read that.
That's why I don't.
I waited a month before I read anything.
And the first thing I read, my wife just hears me upstairs.
Oh, what the?
You don't know why the fucking thing is.
She goes, stop reading that stuff.
I'm like, you're right.
You're right.
I, I just, I exist now, but I live in a different time.
Yeah.
Including like movies, cars, everything that I look at.
Like I'm just right now.
I'm on a, I'm on a, uh, uh, I'm watching just car movies from the 1970s and I'm
having,
Oh dude, I got to get this clip for you.
One of the great, what's that fucking point blank.
What's that movie with the challenger point?
Oh, that famous movie with the 1970s.
Vanishing point.
Vanishing point.
I almost said point of entry, which is a Judas Priest album.
I've watched, uh, I got a clip for you guys.
I don't know if I can, if you guys can find this.
Send it to Jamie.
Oh, I can send it to you?
Yeah.
All right.
This is like my, as far as like bad seventies lines that an actor had to
deliver, uh, my,
one of my favorites of all time was that movie Over the Edge with the young
Matt Dillon, Matt
Dillon.
It's a fucking amazing movie.
It's about like, uh, these kids that, you know, um, back when, when, when
families, when
white families were moving out of the, the, uh, the, the crime infested cities
and they
were starting these, these, um, whatever, these suburban things.
And, uh, but all the kids were doing drugs and all that shit.
It's basically about stuff like that.
So the kids end up being these crazy white kids and they take over the school.
And, uh, at one point they lock all the parents cause they had this big meeting
about the kids
and the kids snuck, snuck in and they locked them all in like the little, uh,
auditorium.
And as they're vandalizing the school, one of the cops is trying to get out and
this chick
runs by with a giant globe and she sees the cop and she stops and she just goes,
eat it.
You stinking pig.
It's just like, it's like, who the fuck writes shit like that?
So I was watching a movie called The Car, which is sort of Carrie.
And it's the same deal.
Yeah.
I'll, I'll send it.
There it is.
Oh, there it is.
Oh God.
You gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta give me some volume.
You gotta give me some volume in that.
Oh shit.
Eat it.
You stinking pig.
Dude, I just sit there and rewind that and just laugh my ass off.
I can't, I can't find, dude, I'm the worst with this shit.
What is it?
I can look at it.
No, cause it's such a specific, I'm on this tech.
There's so many good car movies.
I mean, Bullet with Steve McQueen.
That's the ultimate car movie.
Yeah, those are like the good ones.
Oh my God.
Those are the good ones.
But I'm, I'm going, I just watched Burt Reynolds' White Lightning, who Ned Beatty
is fucking amazing
in that one.
What is White Lightning?
White, White Lightning.
Is that Moonshine?
Moonshine.
Yeah, so it's, uh, it's about a guy, it's about a corrupt cop.
Burt Reynolds is in jail.
There he is.
Look at him.
Yeah.
Burt fucking Reynolds.
Yeah, he lies that he's going to try to help get the Moonshiners, but he really
wants
to go out and get revenge on the cop that, uh, did something bad to one of his
family members.
Played by, played by Ned Beatty.
It takes place in, uh, Arkansas.
He's got a, a, a four door, uh, what has he got?
Uh, it's a Ford Torino?
No, Ford Galaxy 500.
Look at that picture.
Yeah.
For some reason, my, my goddamn photos aren't, aren't, um, loading.
There's a sad episode of, uh, Fast and Loose, uh, or Fast and Loud, rather, um,
Richard Rawlings.
Uh-huh.
Uh, where they, uh, they go to Burt Reynolds to get him to sign a Trans Am.
Oh, I saw that.
Uh, and he could barely walk.
He's like.
Well, cause he played football at Florida State and then he also did like all
of his own stunts
and then, you know, people didn't know how to repair knees and shit like that.
No.
Oh God.
Here it is.
There he is.
Okay.
How do I, how do I send this?
Uh, you can do an airdrop.
Just, just, just, I don't know how to do that.
All right.
Yeah.
There's Burt Reynolds right there.
Oh yeah.
No, it's, it's just, it's just a classic Burt Reynolds movie.
And he worked a lot with like Ned Beatty, who's just one of the great character
actors of all
time.
So I just been like either watching show like that or like, you know, the
friends of Eddie
Coyle watching like really good movies from then.
And then just watching like crazy shit.
I just watched that and I have a good time rather than going on like social
media and
shit like that.
I've been, you know, watching all these French movies and shit and just like,
uh, no, it's,
it's bad for it.
Here you go.
Here you go.
Here you go.
This is, this is this woman yelling at this car.
It's another great clip from the 1970s.
What?
A tadpole?
No, cat poo.
Cat poo?
That's what she's saying?
Yeah.
You cat poo?
Oh my God.
I don't know why that's, that made the movie.
Why is that so funny for you?
Because it's so bad.
The acting in this movie is so fucking bad.
In the beginning, the car is like runs over two people on 10 speed bikes and
the acting
and just that in the beginning.
So that's a bad car.
That's like an evil car.
Yeah.
There's like nobody in it.
It's a 71 Lincoln Mach 3, 4, 5.
I don't know what it is.
And it's just, and the funny thing is, is it's terrorizing this little ass town
and it's
killing.
I can't, I lost track of how many cops die in this little town and they never
asked for
help at the state level.
They never call in the army.
They figure out nobody's driving this fucking car and nobody, nobody tries to
go.
You know, I think this problem is a little bigger than our little town here.
Did you ever see Jeepers Creepers?
No, but that has that great truck in it.
The cab over engine, right?
It's like a demon driving a truck.
Jeepers Creepers is an underrated, fun horror movie.
But there's a lot of those movies where there's-
Why are you laughing?
You said that last time.
It's not good.
I said what last time?
This movie was good.
It's underrated.
Okay.
What the fuck, Jamie?
Yeah.
No, there's a lot of these-
I enjoy it.
Can I enjoy something that you don't enjoy?
Is that okay?
Yeah.
So I've kind of been doing like-
Fair.
So White Lightning led to the next movie.
Reynolds played a character called Gator.
Oh, I remember that.
And then the next movie is called Gator.
But you just watch it.
The way that women are treated-
Oh, it's awful.
Dude, it's fucking-
Yeah, it's-
We were talking about close-
Not close encounters.
Poltergeist.
We watched Poltergeist with the family.
And there's a scene in Poltergeist where these construction workers are
sexually harassing this guy's 16-year-old daughter.
And the wife is laughing.
She's looking through the window as the construction workers on her property
are going,
Hey, I love you.
And they're like looking at her through like a cone and shit.
And she goes like this.
Fuck off to them.
And the mom is like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Yeah, because she raised her right.
Because she knew that she could handle-
Yeah, but if you were-
That's nuts.
If that was today in a film, you'd be like, what the fuck kind of monsters are
they?
And what's wrong with that mom?
That mom is an enabler.
That girl's going to grow up to be fucked up.
Yeah, you know, we continue to grow as people.
Yes, but it's not that long ago.
That's what's crazy.
Hey, pull up Sheeper's Creeper.
Show me a clip.
Poltergeist was almost-
Hey, Poltergeist was almost 40 years ago.
It was a long time ago.
Yeah, I guess so.
But it's amazing how much things change in 40 years.
Well, just put yourself in 1981-
It's Jeepers Creepers.
And that's like looking back to 1941.
See, these guys are driving.
Hey.
That's Justin Long.
Get the fuck out of here.
It's the dude from the Mac commercial.
Yeah, he's the Mac.
Remember the other guy's the PC?
That's him.
Look at this fucking evil truck with blacked out windows.
Get away from me.
He's the voice of Kevin on F's for Family.
He's crazy.
Yeah.
Oh, that's hilarious.
Dude, he's one of the best mimics I've ever-
He can imitate anybody.
He's fucking hilarious.
He's hilarious.
This is it.
This is like them doing their open mics.
They get in these early films.
Yeah.
These slasher things.
2001.
19 years ago.
Crazy.
Good film, Jamie.
It's a good film.
Well made.
Sure.
Scary.
There's some movies I liked when I was a kid that I watch now and I was like,
oh my
God, what was wrong with me?
Yeah.
But you didn't know.
You didn't know.
Yeah.
You thought things were good.
There's a lot of those.
But that's a good way I've found just mentally to get out of like the Eddie.
Because as a comedian, you have to be on social media, I guess.
I mean, I don't know a way not to be.
And it's just like impossible.
Like, I am so fucking ridiculously addicted to my phone.
Like, the amount of times that I set it down going like, enough with that shit.
And then I'll just sit there.
And then five seconds later, I'm just picking it up.
And like, you know what it is?
Is it's also like, I watch, even when I'm watching TV, I'll be like, oh, look
at this
old movie.
I wonder if that guy's still alive.
Right.
And then you start looking.
And I start looking.
Oh, he died.
What did he die of?
Oh, you know, 82.
You know, it's not bad.
You know, and just.
Let's see if someone's talking shit about me.
Yeah.
Well, let's, no, let's.
I don't do that.
I go, let's see what these, I don't know.
Social media is bad.
I mean, it's good and it's bad, right?
But the bad part is, you can get lost in other people's opinions and want to
defend yourself.
And then, you know, people misrepresent what you said or distort what you said
or take
it out of context.
And then you're like, hey.
And then you think, well, how many people are reading that and thinking the
wrong thing
about me?
And.
No, I never respond to it.
I don't either.
I just flip out.
I do what I call post and ghost.
When I make a post, I make a post and then I put my phone away and I walk out
of the room.
I leave my phone in other rooms.
I thought you were going to say you write what you want to say and then you
delete it.
And I'd be like, I'd be too nervous you accidentally hit send.
I make a post and then I go away.
Right.
Like, I don't look at what people are saying about the post.
I just get the fuck out of there.
It's just, it never is a good use of time.
There's so many things that I like to do.
And that's one thing that saves me is that I have so many obsessions.
Right.
There's so many things I like to do, but the phone will get me if I'm not.
You know what will get me?
Fucking YouTube.
Watching nothing.
It'll be an hour.
I'll watch a video on how they make watches.
And then I'll watch three or four pool matches.
And then I'll watch, oh, 1970 Chevelle.
Oh, how'd they make that?
You know what I hate though about all of those is once you click on one thing,
then they just give you 40 of the same thing.
Yeah.
It's like they don't, it's almost like they don't want you to progress is like,
um, like I had like some of, uh, like I watched, I think I told this story last
time I was on here.
Like on Netflix, I watched all of Narcos.
Yeah.
And then everything became like behind the scenes of San Quentin and blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.
So I've been trying to watch these French movies, right?
But for some reason it won't, because I think I'm here, they keep giving me
like the English speaking ones.
It's like, that's not what I'm trying to do here.
I'm trying to watch their shit.
Like, how do I get out of this?
They keep, kind of keep dragging you back down to, uh.
Well, they find what you're interested, I mean, the algorithm is pretty simple.
I mean, it's not simple, it's complicated, but it's a simple formula in terms
of like how it applies.
Whatever you're interested in, it's going to show you.
Whatever you're going to spend the most time looking at, it's going to show you.
Whether it's things you hate, like YouTube or Facebook, that accentuates things
that give you the, it turns out it's really just what you're responding to and
spending time on.
Like Ari did an experiment.
Ari's experiment was he only looked up puppies on YouTube.
That's it.
Just puppies.
And then all YouTube was showing him was puppies.
Right.
And he was trying to tell people, look, this isn't insidious.
It's not like the man's trying to keep you angry.
Right.
It's like you're keeping yourself angry.
If you just go and look at puppies all day, that's all it's going to show you.
I don't know.
I feel like if I look at one puppy video, then they give me a bunch more.
And it's just like, okay, maybe I've moved past puppies at this point.
Yeah.
But that's up to you.
You yourself.
You have to search for things that aren't puppy related.
I know.
But it's just easier just to click on what they're giving me.
Of course.
Of course.
Or they just say, oh, more puppy videos.
This is my safe space.
Yeah.
Dude, I saw two really good French movies.
I saw one called Lost Bullet.
And then I saw one called Blood and Earth.
I heard of Lost Bullet.
What is that?
Lost Bullet is, I'd say it's sort of a Jason Statham style movie, like action
movie.
A lot of cars, a lot of people getting shot, you know.
Nice.
Dumb shit that I watch.
But it's done really well.
It's done shot really well.
There's a really great shot in it where a dude kills somebody because the boss
told him to and he didn't feel good about it.
And how they got his reaction, he bludges them to death with the butt of this
rifle.
And the shot that they used was the reflection of the guy's face in the pool of
blood of the guy he killed.
Yeah.
I was just like, oh man, that's the fucking, that right there was worth
watching this whole movie just to see that shot.
Yeah, it was really cool.
Yeah, getting involved in films or anything that's outside of the shit that you're
getting twisted up in your head is always good for you.
Because it just makes you realize there's people out there doing a lot of
things.
They're making cool things.
Yeah.
You know, can you get lost on social media or, you know, lost in arguing with
things you don't like?
Yeah, I feel like I'm in the Truman Show here.
So I'm just getting the American version of movies, I'm getting the American
version of news, and everybody's yelling at each other.
And it's just like I'm trying to poke a hole in, like, the tent to try to just
get something else coming in because I can't, yeah, it's just, you know.
There's a great Russian horror movie called Sputnik.
And it's a film that's all in subtitles, but it's basically like their version
of the movie Alien.
It's fucking good.
Oh, really?
Yeah, it's good.
Oh, okay.
I try to watch it with my kid, and she was like, I'm not reading while I watch
a movie.
I'm like, damn, that is my kid.
I watch them in French with French subtitles.
I just watch the whole thing, try to figure out what they're talking about.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Yeah, this is Sputnik.
It's fucking good, man.
It's a Russian film, which, you know, I'm not really aware of too many Russian
films, but it's very good.
And the scenes, like, the horror scenes are fucking spectacular, man.
Yeah, I think this is what I'm going to be watching from, like, now.
Like, I signed up on a couple of different sites and shit.
Like, YouTube's really cool.
You can rent, like, movies for, like, four or five bucks.
Yeah.
And they'll have, like, really obscure shit.
If it's not on, like, Netflix, I'm like, all right.
Like, White Lightning, I figured where I had to go.
I signed up for something, and I got a free, like, 30-day month thing.
So, it's like, I'm going to burn through some of these older Burt Reynolds
movies, you know?
Well, you know what you can do for foreign films?
Get Express VPN, and any kind of VPN, virtual private network, will allow you
to say you're in another country.
Dude, they advertise my podcast.
I mean, we do, like, the podcast part of my stuff.
Like, I should do that with my personal stuff.
Yeah, you should.
It's great.
Oh, dude, I got one for you.
Sign up for, just say you're in France, and it'll show you all these French
movies that maybe you would have never have access to on Netflix.
Right.
And maybe, you know, if you watch one, it'll recommend some other ones that are
similar to it in the algorithm.
Dude, I got one for you.
I fucking forget the name of it, though.
It's on the Criterion channel, and it's this black and white, I took a picture
of it.
It's on my phone.
I can't remember shit, so I just take pictures of shit.
It was, it's basically, it's a guy doing a stand-up set, and he's having a bad
set.
It's in black and white, and it's, like, animated, and it's fucking wild.
It's, like, really, like, I never took mushrooms, but it felt like, wow, this
must be, like, when you're starting to trip, what it starts to feel like.
And, like, they were doing this thing, like, as he was starting to, like, lose
some people in the crowd, like, their faces would just go dark.
So I was thinking, like, he's turned them off.
Does that mean, like, he shut off, like, they're not into him anymore?
It's a lot of fucking layers.
It was really, it's oddly disturbing.
What's it called?
I don't know.
Jamie will find it.
Keep doing this shit.
Jamie will find it.
No, I took a picture of it, so.
He'll find it while he's switching cameras.
Okay.
I was close.
It said there's something called the Stand-Up Guys.
Yes.
It's not coming up, but I'm trying to find it, though.
Stand-Up Guy.
That's what it is.
Yeah.
Like, the Google shows it, but when I clicked that, it says nothing found on
that, on Criterion.
Yeah, because I looked, because they had the Dustin Hoffman movie when he
played Lenny Bruce.
What is the, oh.
Right there.
That's it.
Right there.
That's it.
Wow.
No, not Lenny Bruce.
So, the Stand-Up Guys.
Stand-Up Guy.
Wow.
Yeah, dude, that thing is.
Oh, that's another one.
This it?
The Stand-Up Guys, Ralph Pacino?
I was in that movie right there.
Were you really?
Stand-Up Guys.
Yeah.
Pacino?
I got a funny story about it.
Yeah.
No shit.
What is that?
I never heard of that movie.
Yeah.
Fisher Stevens directed it.
What is that movie about?
It's got some up-and-coming actors in it, like Alan Arkin, Al Pacino,
Christopher Walken.
How long ago was this?
Oh, dude, I got a funny story about that.
It was like, I don't know, I can't remember, but like a couple years ago, my
dad called me up.
He's like, yeah, he goes, you know, I said hello.
He goes, yeah, hey, Bill, it's your dad.
I'm like, yeah, what's going on?
He goes, Christy, I got to tell you, you know, the other night, you know, I
fell asleep on the couch.
And I know you told me to stop doing that because, you know, I've hurt my back.
But, you know, it's my house.
So, I fell asleep on the couch.
That is you.
He goes, you know, the TV was on, and I wake up, and I see Al Pacino.
I'm like, I've never seen this movie.
And I'm sitting there, and I'm watching it, and I'm like, Jesus Christ, there's
Bill.
He goes, so I wake up your mother.
I'm like, Christ, look at Bill.
He's in a movie with Al Pacino.
And he goes, when did you shoot that?
I go, Dad, it was like eight years ago.
Which is, it just shows you, like, how much shit is out there.
That if you're in a movie with Al Pacino, even your parents don't see it until,
like, fucking eight years later.
So, he's like, yeah, Christ.
Well, we've talked about this in the podcast.
It's a really good movie.
They don't stop making movies.
So, all the old movies are still available, and they make new ones every day.
They're making movies right now, and they pile up.
Like, the amount of data that's out there in terms of, like, things that you
could watch,
just the sheer volume, terabytes of movies that are available, it never stops.
It just keeps piling up, and it doesn't just come from America.
It's coming from all over the world.
Yeah, and they have hacks over there, too.
Because I saw one, they were doing one of those switcheroo movies.
Like, you're like, I could be a woman.
That's fucking easy.
And then the next day, what's going on, right?
Freaky Friday, that kind of shit?
One of those shit.
Yeah, it was a French one, and it was really fucking bizarre.
I just, I saw the trailer.
I'm like, I'm not fucking watching this shit.
They went a little further.
It was sort of like a misogynistic dude, and then he was a chick, but still
looked like
a dude, and then he was hooking up with chicks, and they were on top of him,
grabbing his
throat and shit.
I'm like, what the fuck?
I ain't watching this.
But then I was also thinking, like, oh, they used this same sort of, like,
switcheroo movie
over here, too.
Well, that's a classic, right?
They've been doing those switcheroo movies.
When was the last, when was the first one of those switcheroo movies?
It was like Jamie Lee Curtis and her daughter, right?
Yeah.
Wasn't, was that the first one?
It's a really good one.
They're really, there's one that's out right now that looks really funny,
though.
What?
Yeah, Vince Vaughn's in one right now.
Vince Vaughn did one.
Yes.
Where he switches with, like, a serial killer.
Really?
Yeah.
I thought he switched with his daughter.
Yeah, but there's some serial killer thing involved in it.
I've been, like, on the road, so.
That's a new one?
Yeah, I gotta watch that one.
I heard it's fucking great.
This one from the 70s.
Okay, that was the first one.
Yeah, Freaky Friday.
From the 70s, not with Jamie Lee.
Oh, who is the original one?
Who's in that?
Jodie Foster.
Jodie Foster.
Yeah.
Wow.
No, that's the original Freaky Friday?
So the Jamie Lee Curtis was a copy of that?
Dude, that post, that just takes me back to my childhood.
God, that's crazy.
Oh, there's three of them.
And they just remake it every 10 years.
What's it as kids forget?
You know what else they remake a lot?
The Thing.
They've remade The Thing at least three times.
The Thing was the shit.
Well, the first one that came out on Cinemac or HBO.
The first one's terrible.
And then there's the John Carpenter The Thing, which was really good.
That was a remake of the first one.
Oh, it was.
The first one was a 1950s one that looks like it was shot in an office.
Yeah.
It looks like somebody had an old-school VHS camera,
and they shot it in an office with people that don't really act.
Yeah.
I mean, it's terrible.
See if you can find a clip from it.
You want to talk about evolution of culture.
The best way to see it is to watch old films,
just the way they used to act back then.
It didn't make any sense.
The way they talked because they were theater people.
They were used to projecting with just their voice to a whole room full of
people,
and then they convert.
No, this is John Carpenter's.
No, no, no.
Yeah, that one was the shit.
This is the second one.
That's the 92 one.
82?
Well, excuse me.
82 one.
Yeah, I was in high school.
That was great, though.
Yeah.
But there was one before that.
It was from the 1950s, and that one is very strange.
And you don't really get a good look at the monster.
They did a good job back then of kind of hiding how crappy their special
effects were.
The thing from another world.
Yeah.
That's a full name.
Oh, okay.
So the John Carpenter version, they shorten it.
But this is...
Give me some volume.
You hear how they talk.
Those hands and those eyes.
You've got to do something about it.
You've got...
Earthly or unearthly.
Baffling questions.
Astounding questions.
That not even the world's greatest scientific minds can answer.
Do you realize what we've found?
A being from another world as different from us as one pole from the other.
If we can only communicate with it.
How did this guy make it past the table, Reef?
They had nobody.
They just find people.
I just love how back then, anytime you got a little hysterical, it's just
somebody would
throw something at you.
They'd slap you.
For Christ's sake, get a hold of yourself.
There was like no...
Smelling salt.
Understanding.
If you were upset, somebody hit you to make you feel better.
Yes.
Like you were supposed to like, yeah, snap out of me.
Hey, you got a little crazy there.
Like that guy is literally talking about this fucking thing that's going to
kill all of
them.
This guy takes...
Another man takes a full cup of water and throws it.
And nobody goes like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Like there's going to be a fight.
It's like, yes, that's exactly what you do in this situation.
And the guy who takes it in the face is just like, yeah, thank you.
You're right.
I was being a woman.
Yeah.
He's drying off his shirt.
Just being like, sorry.
I got a little...
It was pretty ridiculous.
Sorry for expressing what I was feeling.
Well, back then people were hard.
They had just gotten through the Great Depression.
I mean, that was just a couple of years before that.
Yeah.
I remember that Ken Burns, the war.
They used to say, yeah.
And he...
Like guys who would come home with that PTSD...
How do you say it?
PTSD.
PTSD would come back and they would say like, he couldn't shake off the war.
That's all those kids had back then was shake it off.
You got to shake it off, man.
Yeah.
Don't think about it.
Shake it off.
Well, you remember it was shell-shocked when we were kids?
Yeah.
Vietnam, they'd come back shell-shocked.
Yeah.
They would call it shell-shocked.
But you got to think these people get through the Great Depression.
That's the beginning of the 20th century.
And then they grow up, you know.
So these guys that are acting in the 1950s in those films, like during the 1920s,
you know,
they were kids.
Yeah.
So this is the environment they came up in.
They're harsh.
No one tolerated any bullshit.
Yeah, and I also think that that's why those guys from back in the day, those
actors were
so like legit and seemed tough.
Like, and even they weren't like all buff the way guys are nowadays and all
fucking, you
know, shredded with abs.
But like Lee Marvin like fought in the Korean War and was shot and like most of
his platoon
died.
Something like that.
So like when he's in a movie, like killing somebody, like he's done this shit.
Yeah.
So I think that there's just something about that versus today where, you know,
I don't know.
I just had a fucked up thought.
Dramatizing.
Well, that's why Oliver Stone, what was your fucked up thought?
That because we've been in these wars so long that we have another generation
of great actors
coming our way.
Our generation was too soft.
We were between Vietnam and all this crap in the Middle East.
Well, this is the, for these guys coming up.
I'm punching my card.
That was us.
The thing about these kids coming up today, they're, they've been involved in
wars where
we didn't learn from not taking care of the troops.
We didn't learn from exposing them to bad chemicals in Vietnam and Agent Orange
and all
the shit.
We didn't learn.
These kids are still, you know about these burn pits that they have on bases
over in Iraq
and Afghanistan.
They take all their waste and they just burn it.
I didn't, I didn't know about this.
I mean, I maybe had peripherally heard about it, but then Evan Hafer from Black
Rifle Coffee
was on the podcast talking about all these guys that are experiencing all these
horrific
problems because you've been breathing in toxic burn fumes, everything.
They burn everything, human shit, plastic, garbage, they throw it all into this
gigantic
fire pit and it burns 24 seven.
So these guys are constantly breathing in fumes from burning chemicals and
burning waste.
And like the fact that after all the shit that happened with Agent Orange and
Vietnam, that
this is still going on today, you still, all the shit that happened in the Gulf
War, the
first Gulf War with, you know, the depleted uranium where they'd come back with
the Gulf
Gulf War sickness and nobody knew what the fuck that was.
Their kids would be born with all these deformities.
I like all these 10 cities.
They sit there and they go support the troops, support the troops.
And then when they get homeless, they're like, they're, they're taking up these
people.
These are our sidewalks.
And I was fucking around with talking, joking about that last night.
It's like, those are your fellow countrymen.
You can't, I don't know this.
It's a very, uh, it's a weird, you know, it isn't weird.
It's just how people are.
It's just, it's all location.
It's like real estate, right?
My friend Steve was in the woods and, uh, they were, Steve Rinella, he runs a
show, a meat
eater on Netflix.
What's it about?
It's a hunting show.
So he's a concert conservationist.
Yeah.
That's pretty right on the nose.
But they, they had this thing they were doing where they were going into the
woods and to
these, uh, public land areas and cleaning up.
So they'd go in and just, cause a lot of people are assholes.
They leave behind water bottles and all kinds of shit.
They camp, they leave their garbage.
So they went in and they were just going in and cleaning up and they, they
stumbled upon
a homeless encampment.
And, uh, he remembers thinking like that he didn't want to talk to them.
Like he felt like shit, fuck, I'm running to these people.
Like this feeling to, and he said he wound up talking to them and just like,
just, just
giving it a chance.
And they were like, Oh yeah.
Hey, give us a bag.
We'll help out.
And they started putting stuff in the bag too.
And they were like normal folks.
Yeah.
And he realized like, Oh, these are just people where it went wrong.
It went left when they should have gone right.
They lost their job.
All of a sudden they're out in the street.
They don't know how to make a living now.
They have a tent.
Some of them are extremely dangerous.
So that's what makes you go like, I don't fucking know here.
So it's hard.
You never know.
Yeah.
I knew a guy that just kind of did that.
Just got tired of people is what he did.
He just fucking, I think he did it in like Maine too.
It was like hardcore.
There was a guy that was famous for doing it in Maine.
He was a legend because they didn't know if he was real or not.
Cause he'd break into people's houses and steal shit.
And he'd live by himself for more than a decade in the woods in Maine.
I think it was longer than that.
Yeah.
I remember that.
You remember that story?
He finally got caught.
Yeah.
He finally got caught.
And he said like in like the 20 years he was out there.
No, cause he was like in his forties.
He was right after high school.
And I think one time he was walking on a trail and he just went past somebody.
27 years.
Yeah.
So if he did it.
Never got sick.
So in 1986, 20 year old Christopher Knight left his home in Massachusetts,
drove to Maine
and disappeared into the woods.
Jesus Christ.
Imagine if that's your kid.
Like what the fuck, man?
What happened here?
Ad blocker?
Oh, they're going to make you subscribe.
You fucks.
Fucking National Geographic.
Can't you come up with a better ad model, you twats?
But yeah, that's a hard way to live.
In the woods, in Maine, in a tent.
Oh, yeah.
Woo.
No, these people were getting mad.
Like this person figured out how to get electricity into his tent off of the
telephone pole.
It's like, that's a smart dude.
Yeah.
Get this guy a job.
And they're all like, they're acting like they're lazy.
I mean, there's lazy people out there, but you draw the line at like, okay, if
I don't
do this, I got to live outside.
Yeah.
Like to look at them like they're just bums.
Well, people look at people that are doing the wrong thing like you're an outcast.
And I felt this when I was a kid in the smallest way, but I kind of understand
in a way.
When I was 18, when I graduated high school, I didn't do anything for a year
because I was
competing and I was like, I'm just going to dedicate myself to competing and
see if I
could make the Olympic team by the time I was 21.
That was my goal.
And I also really had no idea what I wanted to study in school.
And the only reason why I wind up going to school at all is because I didn't
want people
to think I was a loser.
So I went to college.
But I remember I would tell people, like, they're like, wait, where'd you go to
school?
Where are you going to school after I graduated college?
I'm like, oh, I'm taking the year off.
They look at you like, they didn't want to hang out with me anymore.
Like literally they wanted to not talk to me.
Like I could sense it.
Like I might as well.
Well, you should have hung out with me and my friends.
We would have welcomed you.
Oh, my friends did.
We went to like junior colleges and shit like that.
The friends I had were the same way.
None of them even bothered going to school.
They all went into construction.
Yeah.
Friends from high school.
They all, like my friend Jimmy, both my friends, Jimmy Dottilio and Jimmy Lawless.
One became an electrician and one became a carpenter.
All right.
They, those were my good friends in high school outside of my fighting friends.
But it was that feeling that you got of just being an outcast.
And that was a minor outcast.
Like I remember I was delivering newspapers for this lady.
And she was asking me where I'm going to school.
And I said, well, you know, I'm trying to figure it out.
I'm in the middle.
And she's like the feeling that she gave me of just like.
Yeah.
Follow the herd.
Follow the herd.
She just, just shucked me off.
Like she was friendly.
And then all of a sudden she wasn't.
Just based on me saying that I didn't know what I was doing with myself.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just, just talking about college and yeah.
Definitely how it was back then.
Well, it's, you know, Massachusetts is a different spot too, because it's so
goddamn cold in the winter.
You can't fuck about.
You got to get going.
Like you can't be that guy who lays around all day.
You'll freeze to death.
Like you have to eat.
You have to survive.
You have to struggle.
It always cracked me up though.
The level of colleges that were there versus what me and my friends were like.
You know what I mean?
Like we were just the biggest idiots.
And because there was that whole weird thing, that whole weird thing with
Boston, where it's just like, it's these meathead sports fans like me.
And then there's like Harvard and MIT and BU.
Yeah.
You get all these smart people coming in from other, it's like New York.
New York talks about all this great shit that they have.
And it's just like, you have so many free agents from other states coming in
there that end up doing great shit and designing the stuff.
But most of you guys are like me.
You're walking around in sweatpants getting a slice of fucking pizza.
You have nothing to do with this architecture.
So I always thought that that was, you know, I've actually, I don't know, this
weird thing is I really, really miss being back in Massachusetts.
And I would say what it was, because I don't know now.
Now I'm just fucking old.
So just been like thinking a lot of, I just think with during this whole like
pandemic, I've just had the time to finally after like, you know, the second
you decided you're going to be a comic.
Like it's just like, you just jumped in this river and it just takes you and
all of a sudden this happens.
Yeah.
And it's like, you can't do standup for a long time.
And after you're done like cleaning up your house and shit like that, you kind
of got to sit down and be like, all right, so what did I do over these last few
years?
And how the fuck did I end up out here in this place that's going to, I guess,
burn for months now?
It's burning again.
It's on fire again.
Yeah.
Well, you know, that happens out here too, buddy.
Oh, yeah.
Not that much right here in Austin.
They had like a biblical level drought out here for like two, three years.
Oh, I remember that.
Yeah.
Lake Travis shriveled up so bad.
You could see like people's dock, like, oh, I'm going to get a lakefront house.
They get a lakefront house and shit.
And then it was hundreds of yards of just ground before the water started.
I know.
It's kind of funny how people think that they're like, because of those
imaginary lines of states, that that's not like this disease that's going to
fucking work its way across.
I don't know.
I want to talk about that shit.
It's too dark.
That's why I'm watching old Burt Reynolds movies.
But you're right about this giving you a chance to think about things because
you can get caught up in the momentum of your life.
A lot of people do when they get corporate jobs, too.
You know, they get these jobs and that's I've talked to people actually that
are sort of rethinking their own career out, you know, not show business people
because of this.
Because they've been working from home and then they've been thinking about
what they're doing.
Like this office life is super unhealthy and they're like, you know, I could
have been working from home all along and I'm actually more productive this way.
And then they start thinking, well, you know, I could be working for myself.
Like, why don't I start a consulting business or start a this or start my own
business?
There's a lot of people that are.
It is amazing how the whole deal is set up that you don't even have time to
think.
Yeah.
Like, that's for your deathbed.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, let me just lay here as I'm fucking breathing my last breath to sort of
assess what the hell this was.
Right.
If you want to compete, if you want to compete in the marketplace, there's so
many people out there that are just going guns blazing, pedal to the floor.
There's two deathbed stories that I heard.
All right.
One of them was, should I tell the sad one or the cool one first?
It's up to you.
Okay, I'll tell the cool one first.
Okay.
We'll land in a dark place.
So I remember hearing Lou Reed, when Lou Reed was on his deathbed, he was just
sitting there relaxed, smiling with this look of like wonderment, like enjoying
this, like your last experience.
Yeah.
I'm going to experience death, and he was open to it, and had like a little
smile on his face, and it's just like, okay, that's how I would like to go out.
Not being like, oh, fuck, oh, fuck.
And then there was another one.
I almost don't even want to say the fucking name.
I'm not even going to.
It was this famous guy, and he was a child star, and I don't think he ever got
past that, you know, the ups and downs.
I was here, and now I'm only here, but he's still like doing these huge shows,
but he's not as big as he was.
And his final words were, so much wasted time.
Wow.
And if you look at his career, it wasn't.
He worked his ass off, but then that's what scares the shit out of me.
I'm like, so much wasted time, dude.
You played fucking theaters for 40 years, selling out and made millions of
dollars, and you came out the other side of that saying so much wasted time.
So that's kind of making me look at, like, you know, there's this weird sort of
thing with what we do.
Like, oh, it's exciting and stuff, but, you know, you kind of also sit back
like, all right, well, I'm doing, if I do that too much and something else
suffers, or did I take the time?
Like, you know, I have a pool.
I'm never in it.
So it's just this expensive puddle.
Like, what am I doing with this fucking thing?
And someone comes over to maintain your puddle.
Dude, and that was the dream.
I remember, like, living in play, fucking New York, no air conditioners.
Like, someday I'm going to get a fucking house, and I'm going to have a fucking
pool, and on a goddamn day like this, I'm going to fucking jump into that thing.
And, yeah, and on hot days like that, I'm not.
I'm fucking sitting in my office, you know, working.
But there's something to be said about that, because that's what you're
supposed to do as a dad and everything.
But then, you know, there's also that other thing.
It's like, if you work too much, do you end up being that guy laying there?
You probably will.
Yeah.
Oh, thanks, Joe.
The thing about those guys, well, if you work too much, I'm saying, I think
those guys that's so much wasted time, guys, you know, they also, it's very
difficult when you're in a competitive business like show business to pay
attention to just yourself and just, like, enjoy your experience and be in the
moment.
Everybody is looking at themselves through the eyes of the success of other
people.
Like, I remember when I was on news radio, the staff, everybody, the crew, the
cast, rather, everybody else besides me had a background in show business.
All I had to do, I only had a background in stand-up.
I'd never taken acting classes other than a few private classes they made me
take when they gave me a development deal.
So I didn't understand the culture of acting, and I remember I was on the set,
and they would read Variety, or they would read, you know, whatever those show,
Hollywood Reporter, and they would read about people getting deals, and they
would read about how well Friends was doing, and how well this is doing, and
they'd get so fucking mad.
And I would go, why are you reading that?
Like, you're reading The Devil's Rag.
I go, you guys are upset.
I go, last time I checked, I'm on fucking TV.
I know.
I'm a 27-year-old kid, and I'm on TV.
Maybe because that was such a well-written, well-respected show that didn't get
quite the shine that it should have, I felt.
I felt, because that was a really, really, really good show with, like, a
ridiculous-level, talented cast.
And there's always those things.
But that's something you have to learn in this business, that you just have to
accept that, like, you know, I always equate a lot of things to, like, music,
that, you know, you'll have, like, some pop star, you know, some young, you
know, guy or girl's gonna come out, prime of their life, good-looking, singing
some, you know, bubblegum shit, is always gonna sell more than this other thing.
And you just have to, you gotta be okay with that.
Yeah.
Because it's like, if you want to sell that, yeah, you gotta go do that bubblegum
shit.
If you don't want to do that, don't fucking sit there and look at it and be
upset.
Comparison is a thief of joy.
It's a famous quote, but it's an awesome one.
It really is.
I've lived that for a while.
Yeah, a lot of people do.
Especially show business.
Show business, that's a common thing amongst comics.
You would see it, this gleam of jealousy.
But I think also a part of it, there's good aspects of jealousy and that you
can feel bad that you're not getting something that other people are getting
and then it makes you work harder.
But then once you've achieved a level of success where it's measurable, where
you're like, hey, look, you're paying your bills.
You're going and you're doing shows and people are coming to see you.
You're doing great.
Just concentrate on the work.
Then concentrate on the work.
Concentrate on being at your best.
Don't concentrate on how well this guy is doing and how well that.
I remember when Dane Cook was killing it.
There were so many haters and not just because of all the real reasons to be a
hater, but also just because of his success was so astronomical.
I remember people would just fume thinking about Dane Cook selling out arenas.
It would drive them crazy.
And I remember thinking, just concentrate on getting better.
Concentrate on your act.
When I kind of focused on just beyond that, I focused on doing what I thought
that I wanted to do.
I don't give a shit.
I'm going to make this thing.
And I don't give a fuck if five people see this.
I want to do this.
And then all of a sudden, it just changed my perspective on the whole thing
where it's just like, oh, you know, this is just like a, like you don't have to
try to do everything.
Yeah.
And if this is like really hitting, you don't have to go do that.
It's like, well, I kind of want to go over here and just do this thing.
And I was talking to you about like stand-up earlier.
And over the summer, I was lucky enough that Dave Chappelle invited me to come
out and do a couple shows out in his place out there in Ohio.
And going out there and getting in front of a crowd where there was no cell
phones.
And I knew that this was just going to be for them.
Yeah.
And I didn't have to worry about all this shit.
It suddenly reminded me of how fun stand-up used to be before all the joke
police came out to complain about shit that happened at a show that they weren't
at.
And it was sort of this thunderclap moment.
It was just like, I have been doing stand-up wrong for like five years.
And it's not that I didn't say what I wanted to say.
I was looking over my shoulder as I was doing it.
Literally telling jokes going like, is this going to be the one?
Right?
Yeah.
And then just doing his gig for three days, I was like, it took me back to
being at the Boston Comedy Club in New York.
Back when, you know, I would watch a young Dave Chappelle and all of the guys
down there.
And I was just, and ever since then in August, it was like, oh yeah.
Like, this isn't theirs.
This is mine.
And theirs meaning these fucking assholes who are sitting there like I'm on
Shark Tank.
And I'm trying to sell him something or whatever.
And it's just like, no, this, this is just, I'm just up here.
I'm not doing anything.
I'm just up here fucking around saying crazy shit that I think is funny, trying
to make you laugh.
But like this, like my act is mine.
You know what I mean?
This is, this is my shit to say.
If you like it, you like it.
If you don't, there's a hundred thousand comedians.
Go find the fucking one that you like.
But you also have to accept the fact that if you're going to do something that
people don't like, there's going to be a certain amount of people that because
of social media, first of all, people are addicted to posting.
They love it.
They love posting things.
They do it all day long to get a juice out of it.
And then on top of that, if they could post about something that's, that, that
rings true with outrage, especially if they could take you out of context and
it rings with outrage, then people will click on that.
It'll get a lot of likes.
So it's, it's inevitable that if you talk about controversial subjects, like
you do.
No, no, I understand that.
But my thing is, is to not just completely let go of that.
Like, oh, is that what you're doing?
Is that how you took it?
Great.
I'm going on to my next show and I'm not, I'm, I'm going to continue doing that
bit and I'm going to expand on it because that's what I want to do.
Cause it makes me happy.
And this is what I think is funny.
And if you don't think it's, I respect it.
But like I, ever since that Chappelle show gig, I've just been like, oh yeah,
this used to be.
Fucking like, that's great.
Like this awesome thing, wild thing that nobody other than the people in the
room, you got to worry about people leaving the room and getting mad at you.
Like, that's not funny.
Like people would get upset, but there's always going to be one or two.
If you got 450 people in a room, there's going to be one or two that get pissed
off.
Now they drive away.
It's fucking hilarious.
Back their car up and they just drive in shows.
Yeah, they're driving shows.
I've had a few of those.
Bert is the pioneer of that.
Bert is the guy.
He doesn't get enough credit for that.
Bert Kreischer, he invented these fucking drive in shows.
He loves doing stand-up and he was trying to figure out a way to keep doing
stand-up during the pandemic.
And he came up with the idea of drive-in shows.
He was the first guy to do it.
I don't know if one of his agents or managers or someone.
No, no.
He kept trying to talk me into doing them.
And I was just like, I don't know, man.
I got too much scar tissue from doing jokes in front of crowds.
This took me back to doing, I was looking at them like that.
That reminds me of doing nooners at colleges.
But I didn't understand that it's a different dynamic.
Yeah.
Where back when you would do a nooner at a fucking cafeteria at a college,
those people didn't want a show.
They wanted to eat and talk to their friends.
And all of a sudden you're up there, hey, what's up with stuff?
You know?
Fuck, I'm trying to study or hit on this chick or whatever.
But those shows, as much as they look like hell gigs, it is like the greatest
crowd ever.
Because they're so into comedy that they're willing to sit in their car and
listen to it.
And it's the weirdest thing ever.
It's the worst.
Like a year ago, it was like, this is the worst fucking setup ever for comedy.
But it's the greatest crowd ever.
And it ends up being like this great show.
Do they do it through the radio?
Is that what they're doing?
I haven't done the drive-in ones.
I've done parking lots.
I did a patch of grass behind a motel, which was an incredible show.
Where was that?
I felt, I don't know, somewhere in Connecticut, and this woman, like, they kind
of had like
this white noise thing, and the thing was broken.
And I was in the middle of doing my set, and people were sitting on the grass,
and there
was no stage.
So I felt like we were all going to like take out tambourines.
I felt like some hippie thing.
And I was standing behind this motel doing this shit.
It was like, you know, maybe like 35, 40 people there.
And this lady comes walking over with her dog, and she starts talking to the
guy running
it, and then she just sort of walked.
It was so not a show that she wasn't even self-conscious.
And she just walked up.
She's like, you know, you're talking way too loud.
And just like...
To you?
Yeah, like I was her neighbor.
It was fucking hilarious.
And then I was trying to be like, all right, sorry.
I'll try to keep it down.
And I felt bad.
You know, I don't know.
And then she walked away.
I know.
She started wagging her finger at me.
And then that, of course, got me going.
Like, don't fucking wag your finger at me.
I've been polite.
Okay?
And then she walked away.
Yeah.
But then I watched her walk, and I started making fun of her house.
I was doing this whole bit on split entries that I can't remember.
And they had a new roof with old shutters.
And I was saying that's like buying a new suit with old shoes.
You ruin the whole thing.
I was just trashing it.
Because I thought it was her house.
And I found out she lived across the street.
And then the person who owned the house was actually on the porch listening,
enjoying the show.
And I was shitting all over his house.
And I felt like I'm feeling really bad about it.
Because what's funny is with all of this shit is I don't do this shit to make
you feel bad.
I'm trying to make you feel good.
That's the funny thing about it.
So, like, when people take it a certain way, I'm not this heartless person that
just goes like,
you know, I remember way back in the day,
I did a bit and I made this woman cry.
And I felt fucking horrible.
I just didn't have the emotional ability to handle it.
Because she was right.
I mean, that's like, I wasn't doing it about,
but it touched too much on her life and where she was.
It happened to me twice.
I remember this woman came up to me and she's like,
plane crashes aren't funny.
And left.
And I was like, oh my God.
Oh.
Yeah.
And I wish that I was mature enough to be like,
I am so sorry, you know.
You know, but not like I shouldn't have done the bit.
But it's just like I should have had like empathy there.
I didn't know what to do.
And of course, back then, you know,
all my comic friends,
we were all like, you know,
in our 20s,
you know, broken toys at that point,
crawling out of whatever the fuck happened
that made you a comedian.
So asking them for advice
was not the right thing to do.
I would have been like,
fuck you, bitch.
And even then I was just like,
really?
That's what you would have said?
Because there was that,
that thing back then where it's just,
I'm going to hurt you before you hurt me,
that type of shit.
Also, you had to be hardcore.
Yeah, I remember there was like a big,
like when we were coming up,
there was this badge of honor
that you walked a room.
Yes.
One of my favorite shows I ever saw,
Bill Hicks walked a room.
One of my favorite shows I ever saw.
It was Bill Hicks went on after this guy
who was a nice guy,
but he was a hack.
And the hack was doing,
I mean, he was doing the whole thing.
Just dunking donuts,
cops jokes,
cartoon characters smoking pot.
You know,
like it was the classic rock.
It was classic rock is good music.
But you know what I mean though?
They became a formula after a while.
Yeah.
Yeah,
exactly.
Sing about a car,
sing about a woman.
Yeah.
Play free bird.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But this guy was doing this whack comedy set
and it got a good amount of laughs.
Like,
ah,
people liked it.
And then Hicks went up
and he went up
and immediately philosophical
and brooding
and pacing the stage
and they fucking hated him.
And as they,
as they hated him,
Fitzsimmons and I
were in the back of the room.
I'll never forget this.
Fitzsimmons and I,
to this day,
talk about this.
We were laughing
like when people were getting up
and leaving
because we were 21,
right?
We were straight open micers.
Oh, wow.
and we were sitting there watching
because this was when Hicks was,
you know,
just started to come off of HBO.
So it was around 88,
89-ish.
And he is doing these bits
and as he's doing these bits,
we're laughing harder
and more people are leaving.
So there's like,
maybe 10 of us in the back,
comics and people that work at the club
at Nick's Comedy Stop.
And then people are just getting up
in droves
and walking out.
At the end of the night,
there's fucking 30 people out of,
what's Nick's when it was packed?
300?
Like 400.
400?
If they got them all the way
behind that bar.
Yeah.
Way in the back.
Yeah.
So out of all those people,
there was maybe 30 or 40 people left.
And the 10 comics in the back
howling, laughing.
And to this day,
it's one of my favorite sets ever
because guys bomb
and you feel them bombing.
Like you feel it.
Like you feel for them
and it hurts.
Like I can't watch open mic nights
when people bomb
because I think,
oh my God,
nothing can be funny.
Like the worst thing for me,
I know.
And they don't know how to get out of it.
It just takes you back
to when you were doing that,
going like,
ugh.
I just remember those car rides home
by yourself.
Trying to shout your set
out of your head.
I hate myself.
That was the worst.
But open mics,
like the worst was when
I would go on the road
and say I'd do a gig in Florida
and then have a local opener.
And I'd watch like two minutes
of the guy's set.
I'd be like,
oh my God,
this is impossible.
There's nothing,
nothing is funny.
It's impossible to be funny.
Like some of the opening acts,
like in fucking Tampa
or somewhere,
they were so bad.
You couldn't imagine
anything could be funny.
Like it was a race.
I had to close my head.
I had to leave the room.
I had to shut the door,
the green room,
and hope I didn't miss my intro
because it was so bad.
And then you would go on stage
and you'd have this look
in the people's eyes
just beaten down by life
because they listened
to 20 minutes of utter horse shit.
That wasn't the case with Hicks.
With Hicks,
it was like
he was doing this stuff
that was just
not on the same vibe
as the guy before.
The guy before
was on this
dumb,
like real obvious,
straight down the middle.
Yeah, he was doing
the pop shit.
Real poppy vibe.
It wasn't good either,
but it was getting some laughs.
Hey, yeah, it's a good one.
Like that kind of stupid shit.
And then no one knew
who Hicks was,
but he never lost confidence.
It was amazing.
It was amazing.
Yeah, he was on,
you're on a mission.
Yeah.
He was doing this long bit
about taking a shit.
He was doing this long bit
about the devil has sex with,
I think it was
the devil has sex
with John Davidson
from That's Incredible
and shits out someone else.
And this is a long bit
about shitting out
this other demon
and he's like squatting
on the toilet like,
Oh yeah,
he was talking about,
I think that was the thing,
talking about
what they give you
to watch on television.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But that it was Satan.
The Satan was programming
the whole thing.
So he's doing this bit
where it's like,
I'm telling you,
he's making shit sounds
for like two minutes
just squatting
and making these shit sounds.
It's a long shit sound.
In front of people
that probably like John Davidson.
They're getting up
and leaving in droves
and he looks up,
I'll never forget this,
I mean,
not covering his ass,
not like making excuses,
not like pretending
he doesn't give a fuck,
genuinely didn't give a fuck.
He looks up,
he goes,
yep,
this generally clears the room.
Just watching people
just get up in sets
and he's like,
squatting.
And Fitzsimmons and I
crying, laughing.
He never lost confidence.
It was crazy.
I was like,
how is this guy so confident?
How is he so relaxed?
And never adjusted
his material to the crowd.
His material was that
what we're doing
with our culture,
with our lives
is empty and vapid
and meaningless
and that we're ruining
God's creation.
We're ruining earth.
And people are like,
I don't want to hear this.
I got to go to work tomorrow.
I'm a fucking longshoreman.
And they get up and
but never lost his...
You know,
they're right.
Some people are just like,
well, you know,
I don't look at the world that way.
I don't want to listen to this.
I'm leaving.
All right,
see you later.
And then he keeps doing
what he's doing.
Well,
they didn't know who he was.
What is this thing here?
This is made out of like a symbol?
This thing?
Yeah, right here.
Oh, this.
Yeah,
this is a chimp skull
that is actually made
out of a thimble.
Yeah,
check that out.
A symbol,
not a thimble.
Thimble,
thimble,
sorry.
You're the drummer.
Oh, symbol.
Symbol.
Yeah,
thimble's like if you're sewing.
Thimble's for your thumb,
right?
Yeah.
I don't know.
Symbol.
Symbol.
Yeah.
That's right there.
That's the clip that goes viral.
Thimble,
symbol.
Yeah.
Symbol,
thimble.
This is...
Deep Talk with Bill Burr.
That's pretty dope,
right?
And that's amazing.
That's Shane Against the Machine.
It's a man who is
an amazingly skilled artist.
He's made me a couple things.
He made me this.
Remember the World War II helmet
that was a lamp in the old studio?
He made that too.
He made the helmet.
I just remember the wolf.
The wolf too,
yeah.
That's Patrick McGee.
That's a special effects guy
that made the werewolf.
But this guy has made me
a couple different skulls.
One of them I have in my office.
And then he just sent this one
out of the blue.
It says Higher Primate
on the bottom of it.
It's got my
HigherPrimate.com logo on it.
That thing lived a good life,
a relaxed life.
You can tell.
The chimp?
Yeah.
How can you tell?
Because it's canines
aren't filed down.
It wasn't grinding its teeth
when it was sleeping.
Grinding its teeth
when it was sleeping?
Yeah, that's what I did as a kid.
Did you have to have
a mouthpiece?
No.
You know,
some one time
they gave me a mouthpiece.
They realized,
they didn't realize
that it was happening
when I was a kid.
It didn't happen
when I was an adult.
It was done.
So then I got it
and it just ended up,
they didn't do it right
so it changed my bite
and my jaw started
popping out.
So I just stopped wearing it
and then I just sort of,
I just popped it back in
and it was fine.
I have,
I had all these micro fractures
on all these teeth,
particularly on my back teeth.
and my dentist was like,
what the fuck are you doing?
Like, what,
how do you,
why do you have all these fractures
on your teeth?
I realized it was from lifting weights,
just biting down
and lifting things.
It wasn't getting punched
when you were fighting?
No,
I wore a mouthpiece
most of the time.
Oh.
Almost.
That's what I would assume.
Nah.
If you were Taekwondo
getting kicked in the fucking head, dude.
Yeah.
I think that,
there's some of that.
That doesn't help.
I think a lot of it
was from just training
with just biting down,
just always biting down.
You weren't a more reps guy,
were you?
You were a more weight guy?
Well,
it depends on what I was trying to do,
but more weight
than more reps.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm at the age now
where it's just,
it's more reps than weight.
Well,
reps are good.
It's good.
You know,
it's,
you know what else is good?
Slow.
Doing things slowly.
Super slow sets.
Like a lot of,
there's a lot of benefit
in doing things real slow.
I do the one,
two,
one,
two,
three,
four.
Yeah.
You can make a lightweight heavy
if you just work out slow.
Yeah.
Like I do some boxing workouts
with these five pound
center mass bells.
The center mass bells,
like,
it's like a circle
with a handle
inside the circle.
Oh,
you know,
I was just at a gym
that had those.
I was looking at like,
what in the,
what is that?
They're great.
Radio antenna?
I didn't know what it was.
Sorenix creates these
and I put my hands
inside of these things
and I'll do this
boxing workout
where I'm doing,
there it is like that.
That's a big heavy one.
I don't use them.
Oh no,
that's not what it was.
For that kind of shit.
They were smaller than that.
Yeah,
the ones I use are smaller.
The ones I use for,
for boxing workouts
are five pounds,
but they fucking
blow your shoulders out
and I'm doing it
with,
uh,
wait,
just like,
they don't hurt you,
right?
No,
no,
no,
not in a bad way.
Look at that,
look at that,
that,
whatever that,
that ab workout,
that chick is doing that.
They didn't have that shit
when I was a kid,
but maybe they did.
I think Stallone did that
in a movie.
That?
Just like,
what are you doing?
That is fucking insane.
Like,
only like gymnasts
could do that
like back in the day.
Dude,
when you,
this was working out
when I was a kid.
Benching
all the time.
Yep.
What can you bench?
You did that.
Then you did some curls
and,
uh,
then you had the,
uh,
you did the nose breaker.
Yep.
Curl things.
There was nothing for your back.
That pull down machine.
Huh?
Yeah,
that was that.
That was that dude.
The guy does the whole stack.
Remember that?
Yes.
And there was always that guy
letting it go.
Cash.
Slamming down.
And then nobody did
their fucking legs.
No,
there was no leg workout.
And there was,
and,
and core really,
guys would do like,
you know,
you do like 10 sit,
sit ups.
That was it.
It was just all about
benching.
Yeah.
People didn't give a fuck
about six packs back then
for some strange reason.
I don't think we knew
there was no,
and there was no,
uh,
it wasn't enough.
I just remember there was,
there was just,
there was roids in that powder
and those guys.
Creatine.
Yeah.
These guys would just be
shaking these shakes.
Dude,
guys,
every gym had like four
or five like fucking gorillas.
They looked like the Hulk.
Yep.
They were fucking gigantic
and they would get in there
and just intimidate the whole gym.
They'd just be grabbing that thing.
making these fucking noises.
And then they would let go.
Gage.
Gage.
And then you'd be like,
are you almost done with that?
And you're like,
dude,
like no matter what you did.
Um,
I miss that though,
man.
I used to love gold gym
and all those things,
world gym,
all of those things
that they had back in the day.
Those places are all
going to go under now.
A lot of them are going under.
Out here,
you can still go to the gym.
They just have a limited capacity.
They do a temperature check
when you go in there,
you wear a mask
and you go to the gym.
You have to stay away from everybody.
I don't know what the story is in LA.
I think there's-
It's all shut down.
They don't have anything open.
Well,
there's a few,
you know,
well,
that's what they think.
That's part of the joke I heard
is that everything is shut down
but 50% at gyms still
or maybe outside gyms.
LA?
Yeah,
it was like,
you have to stay home
but you can still go to the gym.
Yeah,
no,
there's still people across the gym.
It would have to be outside.
Yeah,
because that's what Bradley Martin
is having a problem with
because Bradley Martin
has a private gym.
Like,
he doesn't even,
he doesn't,
it's not even open to the public
and they were still
shutting his power off
and turning his electrical off
and ridiculous.
I know that.
What's funny about that
is I understand
getting mad at the government
but you also have to get mad
at all these fucking assholes
who are just doing
whatever the fuck
they want to do.
There's also that.
These people having parties
and shit and,
you know.
Yep.
So it's just like
everybody keeps getting mad
at the governor out there
or whatever the fuck
which I get
because a lot of them said,
hey,
you know,
quarantine
and do all this shit
and then they catch them
at a party
or going to a fucking restaurant
after they said not to do it
which I understand that
but like,
I was like,
where's the other 50%
where we hold ourselves accountable
because everybody thinks
they're a fucking doctor now.
My COVID doctor?
Drives me up the wall.
Drives me up the wall.
My doctor,
shout out to Dr. Malkin.
Dr. Vinnie Boombat.
Hey, Dr. Ray.
Hey, Malkin.
He's a good man.
He's the guy
who did all our COVID tests
in LA
and he arranges them all out here
in Texas as well.
He was doing COVID tests
for all these people
that went to one of those
influencer parties in Hollywood.
He said there was like
a hundred people
that tested positive.
They went to some party,
fucking pack party,
thousands of people
all mulling around
and then all of a sudden
they just started falling
into his office
a few days later.
All of them are sick.
Yeah,
and that's the thing
that like,
I want to hear
small business people
also bitch about them.
Just hold them accountable too
because it's just like
the government's
fucking this thing up
and the,
but the people,
like nobody's working together.
Everybody has like
a fucking theory.
Like,
it's like we're going into it,
you're playing a game
and like half the team
is running one play
and the other half
is running the other play.
It's like you're not going to win.
Well,
there was no coordination beforehand.
Nobody knew what the fuck
was going on
before this happened.
Like,
before like January,
no one had any idea
that we would be dealing
with something like this.
So they have to sort of
make it up as they go along.
And then,
in the future,
I think if another pandemic
comes around,
we're going to be
much better prepared for it.
We'll be able to lock down quicker.
And the thing about the virus
and the vaccine
is that
if this vaccine is effective
and if you really can
get it to people
and give their immune system,
we should be able
to ramp things back up
to fairly normal levels
fairly quickly.
Like within,
by the time summer rolls around.
I feel good about it,
but I've given up on the whole
that people are going to
come together during this.
It's just like,
if you talk to 20 people,
20 people have 20 different opinions
and 20 different game plans.
It's like,
it's like the fucking,
it's the Wild West.
So,
but I have to say
for our first pandemic
in a long time,
I think we did pretty good.
We did worse
than any other country.
We're the worst.
We're the worst.
But we could have been way worse.
I guess.
It can always be worse.
I think what they needed
to fucking concentrate on
that they haven't
is health.
There's no talk of health.
And that's the thing
that drives me the most crazy.
They're not giving people tips
on how to improve your health
and your immune system.
I know.
It's,
it's,
it's an important part
of why people recover faster
and why people don't.
Yeah.
And there's a lot
of information out there.
Yeah.
There is a lot
of information out there.
It doesn't,
it doesn't,
yeah.
It's like,
how do you figure out
if it's actually right?
Are you going to jump
on the vaccine right away?
Are you going to wait
a little bit?
Well,
I figured Great Britain's
doing it.
That was a funny bit.
Yeah.
I don't want to say
nothing about that bit.
That's,
that's a genius bit.
I really enjoyed that
last night.
Oh,
thank you.
Yeah.
You had some funny
fucking shit.
I don't even want to talk
about the subjects
that you talked about
because I don't want
to shock anybody.
I've been having
so much fucking fun.
You looked like
you were having
a good time.
Yeah.
Just acting like
a fucking idiot
because I,
yeah,
I told you,
that Chappelle thing.
It's like,
that's right,
I'm an idiot.
You don't have
to be right.
I just have
to be funny.
That's it.
That's all people
want to see.
Yeah.
Especially today.
You know,
there's so many people
that just want an escape.
They just want
some wild shit.
They just want
to have a good time
and that's,
that's what I felt
like last night
and to go
and see you
and fuck,
it was probably
like 40 degrees
outside last night.
It was cold as shit.
Oh,
that was one
of the warmer days
on this one.
I didn't realize
Texas gets this cold.
It gets cold
out of here, buddy.
I want to go down
Mexico or something.
Yeah,
I was fully zipped up
and fucking wearing
a hat and shit
and shivering.
We had a couple
shows in Dallas
where like I couldn't
feel my toes
and then my hand,
my fingers
were getting all red.
It was just like
this,
I felt like I was
tailgating,
but I was like,
maybe like,
it felt like a
Pats game
in like October.
Yes.
It's just kind of
comment on the weather.
Well, how about poor Bert?
Bert's still doing
these fucking shows
shirtless.
Oh, he, dude,
he's an animal.
He goes outside,
it's 30 degrees outside,
he does his head shirtless.
Bert's,
but Bert,
remember when you,
well, you weren't
a sports guy,
but they used to show
those guys,
you know,
that would go to
Chicago Bears games
and not have four guys
or five guys
spell out bears,
right?
And Bert is,
he's cut from that cloth.
That guy is a,
he's the machine.
Yeah.
He's the machine.
And like,
I feel like guys like him
are really what this,
this time needs
where it just,
it's just somebody,
like Bert is one
of the most fun guys.
He's a fun,
I'm trying to think,
I've not,
I don't,
you know,
he's like anybody,
anybody has their little
down moments,
but like,
just generally speaking,
hanging out with Bert
is always fun.
Yeah.
He is like,
whatever Debbie Downer is,
he is the exact,
he's like the,
he's the vaccine
for fucking Debbie Downer.
Super optimist.
Yeah.
And I think like he has,
I love that guy,
man.
He has that,
that thing like that I,
that certain comics have
where he's,
he's actually concerned
about other people
having a good time.
He wants to make sure
everybody's having a good time
and if you're not having
a good time,
I feel like it affects him.
Like he,
I mean,
you know,
he just,
you know,
intellectually do something
to make you laugh
or something.
He's a really good hearted dude.
He's a great person.
He really is.
He's a fun guy too.
Like with those
Sober October things
that we had done,
those were some
of the most fun things
that I would look forward
to all year.
Yeah.
Like we did three of those
in a row,
three years in a row
of these Sober October challenges.
Hey,
I got to ask you about weed.
Okay.
Okay.
Because I haven't drank
in just a little over
two years now,
right?
I just quit.
So now,
so with this weed shit
going,
becoming legal
and I'm just hearing people
talking about it
being like,
well,
this is the shit,
man.
If you want to like
clean your house,
be high,
but you still want
to clean your house
or this shit here,
if you just want
to get fucked up
and blah,
blah,
blah,
blah,
and all this stuff.
Like my question is,
what are they,
what are they putting in weed?
Because weed,
you should just be weed.
I wasn't a marijuana guy,
but weed was kind of weed.
Wasn't it?
And now,
now there's all these
different strains.
So I'm,
are they putting a bunch of,
is this becoming like cereal?
No.
Where it's like a bunch
of chemicals?
It's still healthy?
No,
it's just botanists.
It's botanists have worked
on stronger strains.
Really?
Yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
Yeah.
It's mostly just plant scientists.
It's exciting.
Yeah,
it's exciting.
So it just passed
at a federal level in Congress.
Now it has to go to federal?
Well,
it has to go to the house.
Yeah.
Yeah.
How does the government work here,
Joe?
I don't know.
But it doesn't seem likely.
You so saved me.
I was like,
the federal,
and then it goes to the,
to the outhouse.
And Jamie would be better
at explaining that.
You were explaining to me what,
because you,
he was the one who sent it to me.
The house passed it.
The Senate will be voting on it
probably once they get
the full Senate together.
Because I didn't realize
that there was,
there was all this talk about,
like,
that was the thing to get into,
you know,
invest in and get into these people.
And I didn't realize
it was this all cash business.
And it was a nightmare.
Like,
I had a buddy of mine
that,
that,
that kind of got out of this business,
got into that.
And like,
he was sort of living like this
murder mountain fucking existence
where there was local gangs.
Yeah.
Hostile about what,
and they were like,
they were kind of like,
hey man,
we're just like making CBD oil
for like your fucking,
joints or whatever.
We're not making,
we're not selling
what you're selling.
And they were driving by,
you know,
taking shots at people.
I have friends
that protect those guys.
I have friends too, Joe.
That is,
I know you do.
But that's a,
a crazier situation
is that these guys
have to bring
gigantic bags of cash
to the bank.
At least they did
for a long time.
Banks weren't accepting
any credit card receipts,
anything along the lines
of what you would normally get.
And then in some places
they had to put their money
in a safe deposit box.
Like,
because it was federally illegal.
So there's a lot of banks
that didn't want to have
anything to do with it,
especially in the early days
of Colorado.
So I had friends that were-
It's like the Scarface scene
where he's bringing
the duffel bags in.
No, literally.
Millions of dollars
in cash,
in bags.
And these guys would transport it
and they would hire
these special forces guys.
So they would hire
seals and rangers
and these guys
would literally
be fucking strapped
and loaded to the teeth
and rolling around
with millions of dollars
of cash.
I love those guys.
And they were always worried
about getting jumped.
They're always worried
about someone breaking in.
Like,
it was like hippies
and peaceful people
wandering like,
what have you got?
I'm looking for something
in a sativa.
You know,
like,
wanted to get high
and then there's four or five.
You must have had
Navy SEALs
and like,
army rangers on here.
Oh,
a bunch.
A bunch of them
work for me.
Those guys out there
that work for me,
all the guys
who are security
are all ex-military.
But just their existence,
okay?
So you get into
special forces
and the shit
that you had to survive,
right?
And then you get
out of the army
and you're like,
alright,
I got a civilian life
and now this is gonna be black.
Now you're bringing
like bags of cash
like you're in Scarface.
You're like,
can I get a fucking break here?
Can I just get
like a fucking
sit in a booth?
Take somebody's
goddamn temperature?
Honestly?
I talk to a lot of like
military pilots,
you know,
and this one guy,
he had flown
in the first Gulf War
helicopters and shit
and I'm like,
oh man,
you must be
a sick-ass pilot
and, you know,
flying around out here
and he's like,
nah,
I don't do it anymore.
I don't do it anymore.
And I'm like,
why?
Why not?
It's so much fun
and he just goes,
you know,
after people are just
like shooting at you
and stuff,
I just kind of like
being down here.
And I just remember
thinking like,
because I know
how scared I am
if I solo.
There's always that,
you know,
it's this amazing feeling.
Although the last two times
I did it,
it was really relaxing.
But like,
just early on
when you're doing it,
you're like,
what in the fuck
am I doing?
Right.
I can't imagine like,
bullets whizzing by you.
Yeah,
like your first solo
in this fucking thing
and you got that thing
over your eye,
you're like the fucking Terminator.
Like how long
they have to train
for those high level Apaches,
whatever the hell they are.
What is the thing
over your eye?
They have like
a fucking thing,
dude,
where like you're
looking out the windshield
and you're also
taking information
over this,
it's insane.
It's like you're like,
like a Google Glass
type deal.
Like a fucking chameleon
where you're looking
at two things at once
and flying a helicopter
and getting shot at.
Oh my God,
there it is.
Oh my God,
look at that.
What does it look like
inside, Jamie?
Can they show you a view?
Oh, you can buy
one of those on Amazon.
Look at that.
How ridiculous.
We need to do podcasts
with those on.
I mean,
that's what I'm going to wear
instead of masks.
You can wear one of those,
right?
What's that?
A motorcycle helmet.
If you can wear a mask,
why can't you wear
a big old fucking helmet
everywhere?
Oh,
if you ride a motorcycle,
you don't wear a helmet?
Out here,
you don't have to.
You would though,
right?
Fuck yeah.
Okay.
But I was saying
that if you wanted to wear,
you didn't want to wear a mask,
you could just wear
a motorcycle helmet.
But these,
does it show you
what they see?
That seemed fake,
the first one.
This does too.
Huh.
So they're just like,
oh,
so this is like
new versions of it.
When they train on those things,
they get like massive headaches
and it's almost like
building your tolerance up.
You know,
you know they say
you only use a certain portion
of your brain,
there's all this extra thing.
I think with that thing,
you're starting to,
you know,
pull back that warehouse door
into the other part
of your brain.
Yeah,
that thing of only using
a certain part of your brain
that's not totally accurate.
What they used to think
that you only use
like 10% of your brain,
like that's actually
like one of the premises
of false premise
in the movie Lucy.
The,
what it really,
Lucy's a movie
where they give this lady,
Scarlett Johansson.
Yeah,
I love that movie.
They give her some drug
and then she turns out
to be like,
some god
at the end of the movie.
She literally becomes
like a god.
Spoiler alert.
I just remember
kicking the shit out of everybody.
Beating the fuck out of everybody.
She knew how to fight.
Yeah,
that's a movie for me.
She also knew how to like
stop physics.
She knew how to like
stop bullets and stop,
I don't want to say anymore.
It's a good movie.
You know what's funny
is I saw the movie
but I can't quite remember.
It's a great fucking movie
but the idea is that,
here it is,
that you only use
she had red hair,
10% of your brain.
No,
no,
that was the other one.
She played another movie
where she was like a robot.
What was that other movie?
Ghost in the Machine?
Ghost in the Shell?
Was it Ghost in the Machine?
She does that a lot.
Yeah.
She's a lot of ass.
She's pretty goddamn hot.
Anyway,
she,
that,
the premise was that
you only use 10% of your brain.
From what I understand,
they used to think that
but now,
they have a better understanding
of the different parts of your brain
and what they're being used for
and there's different parts of your brain
that are being used for motor skills,
different parts of your brain
for emotions,
different parts of your brain
for memory.
There's a lot going on.
So,
the idea,
you only use 10% of your brain,
it's not real.
I don't think.
They never examined my brain.
Yeah.
I'm probably using about 11
on a good day.
You know what's weird about your brain
is how,
anybody's brain,
it's about how inconsistent it is.
Like,
some days my brain
is fucking firing
on all cylinders
and words just come flying
out of my mouth
and I know what I'm saying.
I'm off today.
I started this podcast,
I couldn't talk.
You were great.
What are you talking about?
I was like trying to remember like,
I couldn't even come up,
suburb
was the word I was trying to find.
But don't you think
it's because you did
two shows last night
and you need a little break,
a little rested?
No,
I'm in the middle
of a 16 show run.
16?
Yeah.
What day did you start?
Monday to Monday.
You started Monday?
What'd you do Monday?
I did four nights
in Dallas.
So Monday to Thursday
in Dallas?
Yeah,
so shows last night
were nine and ten.
Wow.
So this is 11,
12.
Oh dude,
I'm burnt.
Jesus Christ.
I'm fucking burnt.
That's why I was so silly
on the last show,
the show you went to,
I was being so silly
was because
like that overly acting shit out
and jumping up and down,
squatting down,
act like an idiot.
That is the frustration
of I'm getting sick
of these jokes
so I need something new in this.
But don't you think
that that's what makes them
hit some new play sometimes?
It's like,
you know,
I love back in the day
when I was drinking,
I love to have,
who doesn't like to have
four drinks,
all right?
But doing stand up like that,
this is like I'm on drinks
nine and ten.
Yeah.
And it's just like now
I'm going to have
a massive hangover.
I just got to get through
these next few.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I know the mindset
I have to get in
and then,
you know,
my crushing need to be liked.
I just know
that I'm not going to
take any shows off
but that's the fear
as you start to get
a little low.
I'm not a young guy
so I mean,
this takes me back to,
you know,
used to do those casino gigs
or like how road gigs
used to be.
You know,
you'd come in,
Tuesday through Sunday,
two Friday,
three Saturday
and just going up
and like when we were
coming up
because when I was
coming up anyways,
you know,
the dip had happened
so they would just
paper these fucking rooms
and it was just
300 fucking people
and large clumps
of 20 that all
knew each other
hammered and could
give a fuck
because they were
looking at it
like it was a free show.
Yeah.
And you just went up
there with like a whip
and a chair
trying to get
these fucking people
and then there was
all those
always the clubs.
Try not to curse
too much.
It's like,
why don't you try
not to fucking
over serve everybody
you fucking assholes.
It was like
an impossible situation.
with those things.
I'll tell you,
last show,
the first show
last night
was pretty fucking,
it took me back
to some of those.
I think there was
confusion as to
when the show started
and people were
so psyched to be out
that they were drinking
like they were
still in college
and there was this
fucking chick
just screaming
just nonsensical shit
like a fucking
banshee
and I was like,
all right,
all right,
all right.
I was trying to
calm her down.
I was,
I was,
I was,
you know,
new techniques
that I've been using
like,
you know,
actually validating
that I heard you
shrieking.
Does that work?
And then finally
I just had to
kind of get a little
mean.
Something about
menopause.
I don't remember
but anyway,
and then I felt bad.
I was like,
I don't want to do that.
I just don't want
to do that anymore.
But then security
was helping her out
and she couldn't even
fucking stand up
which is hilarious.
Fucking dude,
people got after it
last night.
But then the second show,
they were like the,
they were like the,
you know,
it's usually the late show,
but it was the first show.
They were just like,
I got a babysitter.
We're fucking out.
Woo.
And they were just fucking,
they were,
they were,
well the second show
was wild too.
So the first show
must have been really crazy.
It was like heavy metal
parking lot
is what it was
except with like
soccer moms.
It was funny
because it was really,
it was mostly the women
were like,
I don't know what they were.
They were fucking going nuts.
And then there was one guy,
the guy trying to help
the jokes.
Oh.
I said something
about mac and cheese
and he's like,
you mean cheese
and macaroni.
Like whatever that means.
And I was just like,
oh my God.
Okay.
Okay,
buddy.
So,
yeah,
I got off stage
and I was just like,
all right.
I thought Dallas
was going to be the hard one
because we were near a highway.
So the first show
there was like rush hour traffic
and when there was also
final approach
of Love Field.
So every like,
you know,
you know,
the spacing and sequencing,
like every like fucking five minutes,
it was like a Southwest
fucking landing.
But like,
it was easy to use that.
Right.
I would just be like,
all right,
that sounds like,
that's one of those Hondas
with the high performance muffler.
Just,
I just started calling out the cars
as they were going by
and the planes and shit.
How close were you to the highway?
It was one of those
noise barrier walls
and then there was a street.
But what the funny thing was,
was the stage was up high.
So the crowd,
I ended up figuring out,
the crowd was down low
and couldn't hear it
the way I heard it
unless it was super loud.
And then I couldn't really hear myself.
So then I started yelling
and then the third show,
I felt the little twinge.
I'm like,
oh fuck.
I got like,
you know,
about a dozen shows left
and I'm already doing this.
So then I actually
sort of adjusted
how I was talking
and then I kind of went away,
which I can't believe.
So,
I did one weekend
in Houston in July
and one of the things
that I noticed
at the end of the weekend
by Saturday night,
late show,
I was like,
ooh,
my voice is not in shape.
Like my vocal cords
are not in shape.
They're getting tired.
Yeah.
You forget,
you also forget how to,
do it the right way.
And I gained
a whole new respect
for not only bands
that play outdoors,
but also like singers
because this,
it's a completely,
completely different vibe.
Like last night
felt like an indoor show.
It was weird
where everything else
is just like,
like I'm trying to remember
what it was like
to stand up inside.
I know, right?
I know with just like,
I remember like the shit
that would annoy me
like the fucking,
you know,
the,
when they would be running
the,
the,
the bills
and you hear that machine
doing that shit.
It's like blender
in the back
making margaritas.
Yeah.
Like that,
that was the loudest thing
you heard.
Now it's just like,
all right,
they've had fucking jets landing.
I'm not going to hear that,
but I've had been having
so much fun
and like,
and just seeing like,
the fact that someone
would come out
to see stand up
in that environment
under a fucking blanket
is really like,
man,
people really love this shit.
Like they love it
the way I love it.
They just don't do it.
So it's been like,
it's kind of been giving me
like a jolt
for every show
to like,
all right,
if these fucking guys are,
people are going to sit
out here on the grass
under blankets,
you know,
I'm,
you know.
It's not easy right now.
So the people
that are going to see it
and the people
that are doing it,
they're the people
that are really enthusiastic.
That's what I noticed
when I did shows here.
I did one with Chappelle
and one with Hinchcliffe
and Ron White.
So I did two weekends
in a row,
two weeks in a row.
And it's like,
the people are very happy
to be there.
It's a different,
it's a different feeling.
Did you see that clip
Ron White made
of selling his house?
Oh yeah,
it's great.
Oh my God.
It's very good.
It's got a beautiful
fucking house.
Oh,
it's gorgeous.
That's the place
in Beverly Hills.
Yeah.
Yeah,
that's like,
there was so many things
that I loved about it.
He lives out here now.
Because I pretty much
survive on tequila
and crackers.
Tequila and crackers
keeps me going.
There was like so many
like just brilliant lines
in that.
And I was just reading
the comments
because I knew everybody,
like he's just one
of those guys,
just everybody loves him.
And it was just like,
every real estate video
should be like this.
It should be the person
that owns the house.
Right.
Especially if it's Ron White.
Yeah,
I mean that guy is like,
I don't know,
I don't know what
the proper term is,
like a folk hero.
He's like a,
like he's like a character
in a book,
but he's a real person.
He's another guy,
one of the most fun dudes
I hung out with.
Like as funny as he is,
he doesn't need to be
the center of attention.
He's like really like listens.
You can have like a conversation
with them.
And it's a real like
sort of rare quality.
I feel like when somebody
is that funny
and that good of a storyteller
that they kind of enjoy like,
now you tell a story.
No,
he's just a great guy.
Yeah.
He's a great guy in general.
He lives out here now.
Yeah.
He was,
there he is,
Ron White and his dog,
Mustard.
He looks good,
man.
Living an easy life.
It's a fucking beautiful house.
We did the show
and it was the first show
we did at Vulcan Gas Company.
What a fucking head of hair.
I know.
Gorgeous, right?
Go back to that.
I mean,
I just look at that going like,
God damn.
It's got a perfect head of hair.
Whatever.
DNA I didn't get
went under his side
of the fucking boat, man.
Look at that.
Luxurious.
Ten years older than us.
I mean,
that looks as good as his house.
Yeah.
Glorious silver locks
with his numero one tequila.
Look at him.
Look at him.
All red from being out there golfing.
Who's having more fun than that guy?
Very few humans.
Look at that.
It's the middle of the day.
Yeah.
It's probably a Tuesday.
Yep.
Just drinking,
having fun.
Yeah.
I went over his house out here
and we were supposed to go to dinner.
He said,
come to your apartment.
Hang out in the apartment first.
So I go up to his apartment.
He's like,
you want a margarita?
They got a pitcher of margaritas.
And then this girl
are just pouring margaritas.
I'm like,
all right,
let's do this.
We're doing this.
Okay,
let's go.
Yeah.
It's like he's always in Cancun.
He's living the life, man.
He is.
So we did this gig
and he hadn't done stand-up
in the entire time
during the pandemic.
He hadn't done anything.
And he's like,
man,
I think I'm retired.
And he's thinking,
I don't need to do this.
I had a long life
and I sold this
and I'm selling that.
I'm going to sell my this
and I'm going to sell my that.
I'm just going to.
He's got his money.
I love hearing that.
So we do this gig.
He fucking crushes.
Of course.
He hasn't done stand-up
in eight months, right?
But he had been
obsessively going over his material.
He'll pretend
like he doesn't give a fuck.
He gives a fuck.
He's an artist.
He really cares.
But part of his art
is not giving a fuck.
So he's going over his material.
He's listening to,
he's got fucking headphones on,
listening to his bits.
He's taking notes
all day, apparently.
Crushes.
I mean, crushes.
Vulcan Gas Company,
this place out here.
And afterwards,
I get off stage.
He grabs you by the shoulder.
He goes,
we are fucking doing this again.
He goes,
whatever we got to do,
whatever we got to do,
you're going to fucking
open up a club.
We're going to make this happen,
Joe Rogan.
I go,
I'm going to open up a club,
Ron White.
Don't worry about it.
We're going to make this happen.
He goes,
whatever the fuck
we got to do
to do that again.
Yeah.
Because he got it fixed again.
Bang.
Yeah, it's so much fun.
Whoa.
And when,
when they,
when they went nuts
when he went on stage
and they went nuts
when he went off stage
and you could tell it's like
he had a glow about him
when he walked
into the green room.
It's like,
he was just elevated.
Oh, speaking of which,
dude,
I hate to cut this
a little bit short.
I just have to just.
No worries.
No, you got shows.
You got shows.
I appreciate you coming in here, man.
It was fun.
It was fun.
Last night seeing you doing stand-up
was a juice.
It was a jolt in my arm, too.
It was fun.
It was exciting.
It was fun to just sit down
and watch the show.
Dean Del Rey was hilarious.
Dean Del Rey's got some great bits.
It was really fun.
Really fun.
And just watching you two guys
and watching your set, man,
it was so enjoyable
to see a guy
who's out there
in this touchy time
because people,
look,
as much as we pretend
we don't give a fuck,
people are sensitive
to criticism.
And this is a time
where you get criticized
and you get criticized
in a ruthless,
horrible way
and people pile on.
Oh, he's a this
and he's a that.
And I know people
have done it to you,
but to see you out there
fucking throwing haymakers,
just haymakers,
it was fun, man.
You didn't take,
there was no corners cut.
You weren't pulling back
any punches.
You were throwing bombs.
That's what everybody
should be doing.
That's what everybody
should be doing.
Yeah.
I'm glad you're up there.
Whatever that version of you is,
is what you should be doing
because I would never tell
another comic
what they should
and should be saying
and that's one of the most
heartbreaking things
about all of this
was I get it
when it's just groups,
but to see other comics
piling on,
trashing other comics,
I equate that back to like
back when they had
the big,
the Red Scare
and directors would turn
and other directors
and actors would go after
other actors and shit.
It's just like,
you are a fucking
cowardly piece of shit
to do that to another fucking,
especially if you weren't there
and you don't know
what the fuck happened
and you're attacking,
you know,
or you wait till something
happens to them
and it's your excuse
to get your little bitter comment
in about their fucking act.
You are a steaming pile of shit.
A hundred percent
and I've cut a lot of people
out of my life
because of that.
I don't even talk to them.
I had one of those people
came up to me,
hey Bill, how you doing?
How you had a kid
and you know,
how's your family?
And I'm thinking in my head
like you give a fuck
that I have a family.
All it would take was one comment
and you would help
fucking take me down.
Yeah.
Go fuck yourself.
A hundred percent.
You're a piece of shit.
That's how I feel.
I couldn't agree more.
I'm glad you're out there,
brother.
I love you.
I love you too, brother.
All right, man.
Goodbye, everybody.
See you.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.