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Bill Maher is a comedian, political commentator, the host of HBO's "Real Time with Maher" and his own podcast, "Club Random." Catch him in residency at the David Copperfield Theatre at MGM Grand in Las Vegas on September 15 and 16 and November 3 and 4.www.billmaher.com
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Bill Maher, True Story: A Novel
Christopher Ryan & Cacilda Jetha, Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships
Steven Pinker, Books by Steven Pinker
Yuval Noah Harari, Sapiens: A Brief History of Human Kind
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hello bill great to be here in the man cave this is the professional extension
of the man cave this
part is a this is where real work gets done this is the only part in the
building it's worth it
just to see it no really i i thought i was and i did not expect this but you
know as i was just
telling you off the air i invited myself on this show yes i would you requested
and i did i would
have invited you we're doing we're coming back on the air real time's coming
back in a few days and
we always do something to promote it i said let's let's do that show you know i
like that show why
can't i do the shows i listen to wow got that in mexico should put that in a it
looks like it should
be a ring for maybe for a slash a roadie for a roadie what what season are you
guys coming into oh
fuck i don't know seasons it's hard to yeah i could just go by years we started
on hbo in 2003 but then
we used to do but the first few years they had us do two seasons they took us
took them a while to get
the idea that this is not like the sopranos or any other show this kind of show
is a habit show it has
to be on most of the year we used to do a season from february to like may and
then we'd be off for
four months and come back for a few months in the fall that's not the way you
can do it when you're
following events a live show right so finally somewhere in there they just okay
so then it was
one long season as opposed to two so i guess they counted the early years as
two we've been on hbo since
2003 but of course i started you were on the old show politically incorrect
somebody sent me a clip
of that wow i couldn't even bear to watch it just from the way we looked it was
too sad time is cruel
it's it's actually we look better now just because we look douchier uh younger
of course i mean that's
the trade-off in life is that you're douchier when you're younger yeah you do
look more pristine shall
we say less beaten down by time yeah but that started in 93 so i've already
passed my we did a 25th
anniversary show about a year and a half ago yeah in the fall of 18 it aired um
i couldn't believe that
do you know they're trying to bring back politically incorrect who is they
whoever the fuck they are
they came to me yeah that's so funny because i suggested that a while ago with
it not with me
hosting it of course but with somebody else hosting it but i'll have to ask my
manager about that i thought
we i guess we sold it i i think that's true when we moved to abc it must be abc
when we moved to abc
i think we probably sold them the rights to the show which is was probably
stupid but at the time
it made sense and well good luck with it i'm not doing it it was one of those
questions my manager
calls me up and says you're not going to want to do this but i'm obligated to
tell you why wouldn't
you want to just doesn't seem like something i'd want to do now i'm insulted no
i'm just i would
never want to take over your show after you did it and then you got it stripped
away for saying
something the whole thing was like you once someone does a show leave it alone
you know right leave it
yeah yeah like if you left and they started doing real time with adam corolla
right you know which is
exactly what they will be doing it's just come up with a new fucking show you
know right do you feel
constrained by the time but the the hour format uh sometimes i was on with howard
stern recently and
i was saying that to him and i feel the same sometimes when i watch or listen
to you um it's
it's funny america i don't get america like people's attention span is either
seven seconds or three
hours yeah there's no there's no in between well uh there's a lot of us that's
what it is this this
is a lot of people yeah they're playing to the people the shortest attention
span they say this
is all they have this is all that's there that's not true but it takes a big
risk to play to the
three hours i mean there are virtues and vices to both of them i mean i do like
um being forced to
condense uh and for people i always think of the person watching my show as the
person who is
interested in current events but doesn't have the time to follow it during the
week they've got kids
and jobs and lives they are going to watch me to catch them up and it's my job
to obviously entertain
them but also to point out what's important what what happened this week that
you should know about
somewhere in that live hour whether it's in the monologue or in new rules or
the editorial i do at the
end or in the panel somewhere i want to cover everything i think you should do
doesn't necessarily
mean it's the things that the newspaper or other outlets thought was important
what i think is
really important that's what i'm going to cover so there is something to be
said for condensing
there's also a lot to be said for letting it breathe you know i mean letting it
breathe i do miss that
sometimes i wish i could and very often we're in the middle of a discussion and
i have to move on
but i feel like with the way things are going now with streaming like i know hbo
has their new streaming
service maybe they could just give you an option to let some some of those
conversations lengthen out
it just seems like some of them you're just getting started and you have to cut
them off you're right
and again sometimes people just want the headlines very often i'm reading
something and it's too long
i just think just you should have given me the new york times starts every
article
not just tell me what happened yeah don't give me the background and on a rocky
road in afghanistan
and his friend lebowitz once said and remember just get to the part i care
about right um movies are too long lots of stuff is too long people need
editors but these kind of conversations lend themselves more than most art
forms to just letting it happen and yeah it's more natural i mean i like the
fact that unlike my early days when you'd sweat backstage and you'd hear the
tonight show band playing it's a
you know johnny's gonna ask you this and then you're gonna say that and you're
gonna listen don't fucking veer from this you get in trouble and
this is good i didn't prepare anything yeah you know obviously you didn't
prepare anything no i'm kidding i did
really have no list of questions no no i know you i like you right i i'm sure i'm
not gonna run out of
things to ask you or talk to you about but that's a talent in itself that you
could do that off the top of
your head i i i think you think it's not that much of a talent but trust me a
lot of people could not
do that i don't know if i would trust myself if you said you have two hours
with this guy
i i would work i would it would be in the back of my mind like shit what if an
hour and 10 minutes in
i'm like fuck i can't take a one more thing i can't imagine if you and i were
at dinner together
for two hours we would run out of shit to talk about that's probably true so
that's this
okay it's the same shit followed by dead air why complete dead air listen man i've
been a fan of
yours for a long time i bought true story and i have you wow yeah i bought that
book way back in
the day man i was living in new york it was a great book thank you very underrated
book on stand-up
comedy i appreciate that yeah it's a novel yeah you know it's a novelization of
my early life
very accurate though like it's you could feel like you live the life and you
know the names were
hilarious of the characters you chose no i i worked probably harder on that
than almost anything i've
ever done i would never really yeah i would never write another novel well just
to to make every
sentence every paragraph funny or telling no extra words to me that's the kind
of what year did you
write that i it's funny i started it in the early 80s when i was still almost
living it and i would get
busy and put it aside not to look at it for years and then uh i did a this is
my old life in 1985 in
december i went down to uh see juatanejo mexico to do the memorable tv movie tv
movie there there's a
phrase that dates you the memorable tv movie club med i think we all remember
it no we don't linda
hamilton was the star i think i do remember it i hope you don't i remember linda
hamilton okay in a
movie yes right with you now i'm picturing it it was a tv movie um and uh we
stayed at the club med
um i was in you know it was kind of a low budget thing as far as the people in
the cast and crew
went because we stayed at the club med which was not a club med is not a luxury
hotel you know what
club meds are you you give up your money you pay everything in beads but you
don't really need
money and the room for people who just you're going to enjoy the outside that's
why you're in mexico
so the room is monastic right there's no tv because you're out all day you know
you're just
going to be in the waves and then you're going to fuck and go to sleep and
whatever so i had a lot
of free time because i wasn't in the shot every day but i was in mexico
eventually i got fucking
cabin fever down there you know i couldn't wait to get home but i was there a
long time and had
nothing to do and i wrote a lot of the novel there and put it away again and
then i was in a real
career slump in the early 90s i had finished with acting mostly i didn't want
to do that anymore i'd
done a few sitcoms and i didn't want to be the office creep forever and so i
was just like nowhere
and that's when i finished it and also that's like the year i did cocaine which
i probably would not
have finished it without that it was only one year it was one year i was never
meant to do cocaine when
everyone was doing it i never wanted it you know me i'm a pothead like you i i
it's not my drug
but you know if you really insist you can get in you can get into any drug and
i and i just happened
to be at this point in my life where i was vulnerable to any i had nothing to
do all day i wasn't working
so uh it was and it helps you write it helps productivity it's a productivity
drive i was it was
never a drug that i liked because i wasn't social on it but i could i used to
like to have sex on it
really most men did not i loved that and uh and write but i didn't want to talk
some people like
you know that that guy i don't know i was never that guy who did coke and talk
a blue streak no but
but it helped me you know concentrate and organize and that kind of stuff and
you know and then i was
probably smoking pot too i was smoking cigarettes it was not a healthy year
that was not a healthy year
i i'd uh i remember you know you because cocaine which is kids that is the
worst drug it really is
because you get a little honeymoon period and then that quickly goes away and
then you're chasing that
high and you know it's not healthy and then you know you're you're trying to at
the end of the night
take the edge off you know you're into that put the edge i gotta put the edge
back on i took it off too
much by drinking jack daniels ah damn now i gotta take it off again i put it on
too much it it's that
was i never touched it i got lucky you you very smart i would have probably
really enjoyed it i think i
would have really enjoyed it yeah that's probably why i didn't at the again at
the beginning yeah
it's very much like a relationship cocaine good at the beginning you know i
think trails off
i always say that because resentment there is a time when relationships are
good spoiler alert it's
the beginning for a lot of them for sure now when you put that book out um is
it still in publication
another great question i'm finding so much about my own life here i didn't know
because
the comics incorrect was being redone um comics from my era like guys who grew
up and got a hold
that book when we were just starting out there was a it was huge a lot of guys
passed it around a lot
of guys talked about it hey you got to get this book yeah no i mean and i tried
to make it into a
movie uh there was many scripts written i mean it's my own fault for not
pushing that through i guess
but i thought at the time it would really would have made a a good movie but it's
probably too late
now and well you definitely have to change the names now it's very hard yeah i
did in the script
it's very yeah it's very hard to depict stand-up comedy in a movie in fact one
of the original
impetus to write the book was that no one was doing that well i remember that
movie came out with tom
hanks remember that punchline punchline okay and tom hanks was good i mean tom
hanks could could have
been a stand-up comic he did it as good as you can passable passable but they
just never capture
the whole essence of it and also when you're trying to have someone i see this
on um
mazel no i haven't seen that yet some show oh the one i think it's jim carrey's
show
on showtime about oh i'm dying up here thank you yes and uh
i i like the show but whenever you're showing a stand-up comic and you're and
it's acting you're
acting as a stand-up and then the audience has to laugh yeah there's something
about it that isn't
it just you can tell it's not real it's like a boxing scene in a movie same
thing a little bit yeah
yes rocky right yeah but that's sometimes purposely over the top this just
comes off as fake because
one thing we love about comedy is that laughter is involuntary yeah it's in you
can't as any
giant comedy star knows you can walk out at a comedy club and you'll get the
biggest ovation in
the world two minutes later you can be dying because it's involuntary yes they're
thrilled to see you but
then if you don't say something funny they can't they're not gonna laugh it's
also a very uniquely
live thing it's like you have to be right i always say that like if you watch a
special on tv
you're really you're getting 60 of the funny you're right you have to be there
live you if you're there
live you'll get 100 of it so not only that not only are you watching it not
live right because you've
got a recording of it but now it's also a fake recording so it's a guy
pretending to be on stage
and an audience pretending to be an audience and the whole thing is a disaster
yeah so maybe it's
a blessing in disguise that it never got made a decent job of capturing the the
marvelous mrs
maisel does of capturing like the early scene in clubs like of her going up
drunk and talking
shit and then people telling her like you could probably do comedy like it
seems chaotic and real
but it gets a little less realistic as time goes on but you watch that show and
you like it yeah i
like the first two seasons the third season i'm like i hope they're not losing
me here and it takes
place in the 50s yeah yeah yeah i would watch something like that except there's
just too much
the first one is just too much too many things to watch yeah i mean i put it on
my list but you know
i'm gonna get to that and does everything have to be like a season you know
does everything have to
be so dry back to our subject everything is either very condensed or way too
drawn out and you have to
follow it and you're not like an episode of friends where you don't have to
know what the fuck happened
the week before and you just tune in to seinfeld it's not dependent upon the
week before right it's
everything's an arc and everything is and people binge i don't binge i i've
never binged anything
i i have the opposite problem i have watching add i when i i love to watch tv
it's the last thing i do
before i sleep at night um but unless something is absolutely compelling i don't
watch more than 15
minutes of it i'll watch 15 minutes of this and then 15 minutes of that and 15
minutes something
else thing and then go to sleep you know people are structuring their netflix
specials that way
because of that people are doing their closing bit first i read that somewhere
that yeah you have to
well you have to grab them that's why every fucking drama is something and then
six months earlier
yeah you know we have to go back because you have to grab them first and then
and it's such a tired
trope now you know it's like now that we've seen it a hundred times think of
something else or just go
really crazy and do something linear well it's you know this whole thing that
you were saying before
we either have a second uh seven second attention span or we have three hours i
i would love to see
someone try to make a movie like steve mcqueen's lemans because if you don't
remember that movie
the old steve mcqueen yeah the old steve mcqueen there's no kids there was a
steve mcqueen
before the very talented director oh i didn't know there was a director steve mcqueen
yes you do who
who is he was he he he direct what you know right you heard he directed he's an
african-american he
directed 12 years a slave i believe okay are you uh are you using your magic
light box to go and what
he's a big director he's a big director he's he's a major major guy that steve
mcqueen oh there he goes
i didn't know who he is um shame hung widows yes he just did widows never saw
that um widows 12
yeah okay anyway i remember the old steve mcqueen too yes steve mcqueen the one
who died of cancer
in 1980 i believe i remember him chasing cures in mexico poor guy yeah yeah
lung cancer uh i think
probably i think he probably was a heavy smoker and um but yeah he was uh he
was what about him
the movie lemans is a really slow beginning there's no talking for like the
first i don't know how many
minutes it's just you know people going about their life on the racetrack like
all preparing for things
and there's no chat oh you ever try to watch a hitchcock movie oh yeah same
thing yeah i mean
it just shows how different the audiences are and how we have developed or undeveloped
i don't know
if it's that or if it's that there's an expectation that people have a short
attention span so that
everything is made for that expectation no they do they do i think they i do
think they really do i mean
the more you i do i i must say as someone who grew up when alfred hitchcock was
still
was he still making yeah he made a movie in 1972 i was 16 i saw it in the
theater it was one of his
last he was on his last legs but psychohood was 1960 i was too young to for
that but he was still very
in vogue and a big director and i tried to watch um i did watch the one he made
in 1956 the year i was born
called um the man who knew too much i think it's a story he made three times he
liked that story about
the innocent guy who's being chased by somebody and he doesn't know why they're
chasing him and the police are
after him but he's he's got to find the bad guys before the police find him it's
jimmy stewart and
doris day it is i mean they talked about the master of suspense i mean jesus
christ it was like the
master of keeping me from falling asleep uh it's really subtle slow uh i'm
sorry but i think they've
improved on that i do maybe that's sacrilege to the movie community and martin
scorsese will write
me a letter or something but jesus christ i'd much rather watch salt you know
there's a thriller that
moves or the jason bourne those movies i feel like they took what hitchcock was
doing and yes they
revved it up and i'm glad they did hitchcock's hard to get through but you also
have to realize
when hitchcock was making films they've been only making films for 50 years
there's a really even less i
i mean he started in the late 30s right you know i mean talkies had only been
around for like 10 years
that's crazy way back yeah yeah so i mean there's something about that like
even when you think about
stand-up like if you ever tried listening to lenny bruce i certainly have good
example yeah i can't do
it doesn't work anymore it's just contextually we're in a different world but
any of those old schoolers
yeah that's a point that's funny it's it's in true story where i talk about how
those guys who are such
um icons couldn't make it today because they take too long you could take you
could take two minutes
before you got to the punchline you could take two minutes to set something up
the audience was
perfectly okay with that you could never do that today jack benny and bob hope
was more rapid fire
but a lot of these old schoolers you know i mean i have a never funny list
and being a friend of mine created years ago and some of them are on it you
know
danny thomas and i don't know red skeleton i mean there's some people i thought
were never
bill cosby i must say so it was on that list really oh yeah you never thought
he was funny
never thought he was funny even when he was doing bill cosby himself like back
at the album days
and i may have missed some stuff he did but everything i ever heard even when i
was a kid
and i saw him on tv i'm like no i don't like this shit's corny i know i feel
very very uh ahead of
my time i never liked him i did well it was one of those things where if you
had said any of this
that you're saying 10 years ago people would have been furious at you well but
now he's been exposed
somebody told me he was a creep back in 1983. ah okay someone told me in 94.
yeah yeah so i and it
somebody i liked not somebody i was romantically involved with but a girl who
he was horrible to
and i never liked him after that as a person that makes sense i had heard from
people on the set
of news radio that he drugged girls it was like one of those weird things you
heard as a room like
what does he do yeah he drug girls like bill cosby bill cosby bill cosby we're
talking about the
same guy right it's not like steve mcqueen steve mcqueen will get him confused
right no i mean
america's dad america and you have to wonder why a guy who could um get laid
yeah uh even as a married
man um that's obviously a sick kink he had but i also know a guy who was a
promoter and and told
incredibly ridiculous stories about things that bill cosby did that were not
sexual but just informed me that what his
kink is is part of a much larger sickness about control yeah and making people
do weird things
because he can let me tell you what i heard you tell me what you heard i heard
he makes people watch
him eat curry he would make the whole staff come into his dress room and watch
him eat i hadn't heard
that exactly but it's exactly in line with what i heard that he would uh do
things like make you um
what was one of them like he would order food and then he would say you know
scoop out the
the doughy part of the hamburger bun after you wash your hands and put it back
on the hamburger
or once he asked them to send him the soap that he hadn't finished using in the
dressing room like
send it to him send it yeah just like crazy crazy shit that again speaks to a
uh pathology that's
larger than what we know about him sexually that that fits as a subcategory
under that because
to need to have the woman be unconscious yeah that's that's a weird thing i can't
i can't
i can't get into i i don't know there's certain things like i can't even
imagine why someone would
find it attractive most to be with a child no i can't understand why that would
be appealing to you
i can't understand this you know a lot of things i can't understand um i worked
at a casino and he
made the security guard tuck him into bed yeah and shut the lights off things
like i'm gonna lie
on the bed and i want you to tuck me in shut the lights he had like a whole
routine that he wanted
them to follow and he wanted them to tuck him into bed yeah well i had a friend
who had an interesting
take on it and he said there is something that happens to some famous people
particularly famous
people who were famous a long time ago where they feel like they are better
than other people that
there is a giant gap between them and other people and they feel like they can
do things to people
and they that what yeah yeah i don't think that's uncommon but his pathology
but most people try to
hide that well i think they try to hide that feeling they try to but i think he
did you know it's called
acting you know that's why when they're in front of the camera they're so
charming but we know that
behind the scenes they're they're not but he seemed to wear it on his sleeve
well sort of sometimes
right but the other thing that he was doing in public was he was trying to chastise
uh other
comics for using bad words and you know he had a lot of weird control issues
with that as well
but my my friend's take on it was that he thinks that there are people that
they get to this position
where they think that they're owed things and he thought about that sexually
too he said he probably
felt like he was just so above those women that he didn't even want to
negotiate with them he just
drugged them and them because he's bill cosby and they should be happy yeah it's
crazy it's no it's
no the human mind is the bottom of the ocean it's mostly unexplored a giant
mystery well especially
that kind of scenario i mean how many human beings have ever experienced what
he's experienced he's
been famous since the 1950s right he was an american icon right rich beyond
imagination groundbreaker
and a legitimate world-class stand-up comic who toured the whole world created
this cosby show that was
a groundbreaking television show oh yeah so many factors so many factors and
then on top of that
a psychotic pervert and a creep and drugging women i mean on top and who knows
what other other
fucking shit you probably not just that no you know when someone's that fucked
up it's probably not just
they might find like 30 dead cats in his backyard who knows the fucking guys
into well i somebody told
me it this may not be true that he was drugging people with animal tranquilizers
that that's he had a
vets license or something and that's how it that's how he was because people
were like how did he get the
stuff that he was right using for the knockout pills would this would it offend
you if i put my feet up
no not at all and when why would it is a man oh it's a man cave i don't know i'm
gonna ask it's
your relax it's your place i want you to feel good i put my feet up here all
the time oh great you got
some loafers on purpose those are your choice you wore those today i didn't
even think about it see
that's that's why i'm saying i'm glad i did this because i don't have to think
about oh my wardrobe
but what i'm gonna wear and yeah is johnny gonna like me oh boy did you do the
night show with johnny
30 times holy shit 1982 to 1992 wow yeah 30 times yes which just shows you that
show
was when i when i started to do it there was such a proliferation of comics you
could do that show 30
times and that didn't make me famous i mean it elevated me to a degree it
legitimized you in show
business but that at one point just doing the tonight show once made you a star
but part of what true
story is about was the comics frustration that they came along at a time when
it wasn't that unique a
thing anymore there was too many comics you couldn't swing a dead cat without
hitting a comic
so i i have like in my sirius xm uh radio uh in the car the comic stations and
i love them
i i would listen and very often see somebody's name i've never heard of this
comic i'll never see it
again uh they're doing you know they play four or five minutes of their routine
it's very professional
it's funny i'm laughing and who is this person this just and seemed like an innumerable
supply
of of very competent stand-ups who have funny bits about the ketchup bottle and
i don't know
any of them and i guess they have followings and but you obviously you go to
the clubs though club
fuck no that's the thing it's like you go back to high school no i go to the
high school every day
you do yeah i work the clubs all the time and so does leno and lots of seinfeld
chris ross i don't
get it i don't know why i don't know why you want to do that first of all
because my friends are there
i like going there and talking to the other comics that are there all the time
wow and uh i like to do
it because it keeps me sharp i do that lineup at the store there's 13 other
comics on the list
but i work the road i do that too yeah but i'm saying but that's my how i keep
sharp as i or as sharp as i
can be uh is well also i gave up on memorization years ago first of all with
all the pot i've smoked
it just wasn't going to happen i've used what i call the poor man's teleprompter
for oh it's got to
be 20 years which is i'm a music stand on stage and then i have my notebook
which has my bullet
points and i don't think the audience even notices it after i it's very every
five minutes i'm very
discreetly moving the page and but that way i don't have to memorize anything
when i get home from
the gig i go through it i redo it in the computer print it out and it's it's it's
just been the greatest
thing because i can say i can get to exactly what i want to say i hate comics
who stand up there and go
what else what else it's like that you should know what else never hear me say
what else to it
i know what else and i'm going to tell you i'm going to try to condense it i'm
going to give you
the best show i can for 90 minutes and then leave look i mean you certainly can
do it that way
yeah we all have our own way yeah everybody's got their own way of doing it
yeah we are i i like to
be around a lot of other comics like a large number of very good comics all the
time i think you feed
off each other like i'm on the road all the time when i'm on the road i'm with
my friends i you know
i go and tour with other i know you do very funny comics yeah but when i'm in
town i just like to be
around as many as i can you should do my hawaii gig one year you know i have a
steady well i ran into
natasha and motion did it last year yeah i ran into them and maui i was like
what are you guys doing
like oh we're working with bill oh my god oh in maui yeah you were there yes i
was there with my
family we were just uh vacationing next year is the 10th it was like it was
like uh new year's right
yes i started this 10 years ago nobody would book it they they all said uh hawaii's
a dead market
and i found this promoter uh who was okay i'll try it and it worked of course
honolulu is a big city
they're it's more than a million people there yes and maui so we do maui on december
30th and we do
new year's eve in honolulu and there's always surprises and um this year sarah
silverman did it and bobby
slayton and we have some some sometimes some very well-known musicians who join
us uh woody harrelson
is also in maui and plays with us a little bit it just even towers in maui too
yes i saw him there one
year um but maybe you'd consider slumming and it's a great fun trip and you're
with comics and
uh i've never performed in hawaii every time i go there it's just to chill well
i'm gonna hit you
up on that okay
i stopped doing new year's eve shows on my own that's the great thing about it
i always hated
new year's eve what a day and the show is at eight o'clock so okay we so it's
just a show it's a regular
show right right right no exactly it's a regular show eight to ten or maybe a
little after ten
we always the whole group sings smile at the end of it i made that a tradition
the old charlie chaplin
smile though your heart is aching you know that one sure well you'll have to
learn it
and jesus what a weird gig and uh well it's new year's eve you got to do
something as you send them
off it's only an hour and a half left in the new year in the old year and i
feel like that was the
appropriate song because it was a song written by a comedian charlie chaplin it's
a hundred years old
it was a hit in the 50s for nat king cole michael jackson uh redid it in the 90s
when he was on
trial for child molestation chose to do a song by charlie chaplin the most
famous child molester so
that was michael's way of charlie chaplin was a child molester well charlie chaplin
but i think back
then they didn't call it that but yes he married i didn't know anything oh yes
he married like it was
like jerry lee lewis he was like with 14 year olds really charlie chaplin yes i
don't think i'm talking
out of school about charlie chaplin can you conjure something up there on your
magic light box jamie
and see if uh see if there's information that what are we i believe i just didn't
know it says child
molester yes charlie chaplin famous for it for that and you know back then i
don't think they got you
for it but what did they did what was the legal age back then possibly none
right they probably didn't
know i don't know if they even had such a concept i mean we're talking about an
era before women
they weren't letting women vote right teens they didn't women didn't vote till
1920. i don't know
know if they were child labor laws um i just don't know well priscilla presley
wasn't she like 14 when
correct yeah and that was elvis was a child molester too and that was the 50s
right right and that well
he he went into the army in 58 so that's when he met her in germany her father
was a colonel and she
was 14 and of course he was 25 and a giant rock star and he says to the colonel
would you mind if i took
your 14 year old daughter back to america she can live with me at graceland and
it'll all be good and
the guy says enjoy what the was wrong with people back then those are different
human beings so it's
not just a hundred years ago no no we're we're we're so different just yeah
just are i mean i'm a little
older than oh 16 year old harris met actor charlie chaplin 16 is not as that's
not even i don't think
the worst one it's a famous one i mean is there uh like charlie chaplin the pervert
or child blaster
yes there definitely is um but yes he's fairly young but people died young back
then i was thinking
recently people were just rougher yeah you know i mean you and i i think walk
the same path very often
talking about we i think are progressives but we have short patience with some
of the fragile
yes woke bullshit yeah okay and some of that is just the way you're brought up
i think kids are coddled
you know i think uh they're indulged and that's the reason why they freak out
over microaggressions and
stuff and some of that is just i was telling someone this story not a not apropos
of this just talking
about something else but it just reminded me that here i'm a kid who had i
think a a normal middle class
upbringing i consider it an idyllic time um i i consider it an innocence you
couldn't buy today
i mean first of all i grew up in new jersey uh in the 60s there was no racial
issues because there
was only one race in town that's just the way it was i'm not saying that's good
it wasn't but that's
so there weren't racial issues there weren't drug issues i didn't i didn't try
pot in high school
i may have maybe there was a rumor that a few kids were doing it but that wasn't
even a thing
there wasn't even any like divorce it was really the land that time forgot you
know it was leave it to
beaver land and i was telling someone this time my father who grew up in the
depression
uh cheap i you know love him dearly but i don't think that's the wrong word and
sent us to an army
friend of his as the dentist and this is 1964 i was eight and did not use novocaine
and i remember vividly like he i had like eight cavities that had to be filled
he said
if it hurts raise your hand you know as the drill went into my it's like okay
so they're drilling into
me and then i'm riding home up this big hill it was cold on my bike with the
tears freezing on my
cheek so get to the dentist yourself first of all they wouldn't do that today
they don't let kids just
be on their own like get your ass to the dentist on your bike get home after
they drill into you with
no novocaine and i'm saying i wasn't raised by bad people no people were just rougher
yeah it was just
a rougher time and i i wouldn't recommend these things exactly necessarily
although getting some
place on your own i don't think is the worst thing in the world but a little
more of that have you ever
had jonathan hate on your show yeah the his book the coddling of the american
mind is exactly about that
and he believes that you should let your kids roam around and let let them find
their way home and
there is a movement for that yeah we that's how i was raised i came home from
from school fly into
the house change into my play clothes fly out the door my mother never said
where are you going what
are you doing and you know you were gone yeah and again and leave it to beaver
town there was a six
o'clock whistle really yeah at the firehouse the whistle went off time for
dinner and then you
right and then you got your ass home when you heard the whistle we didn't have
watches or phones or
you know i don't want i mean i don't want to compare it it's a it's a different
world for sure
between the way we grew up and the way they're growing up today um i don't know
what's better i don't
know which one's better there's certainly a lot of high babies today yeah but
there's also a thing
today where we're we're giving them access to information way quicker so there's
got to be and
this is this is not something that's been studied right like what happens to a
young mind when it has
access to almost anything as soon as you get a phone you're given 12 year olds
13 year olds phones
and then they have access to everything in the world everything porn instantly
which i you know
you're talking to a libertine but i do not think porn is benign i do not it is
not benign not not the
way it is now on the computer i mean it's it's rapey it's um it's it's sites
are you going to any any
site i'm not getting the rapey porn but i think it's not benign because please
it's not it's not
it's domineering yes it's a lot of things that i am not interested in even in
my fantasies i was doing
a bit about that in my last special like even in my fantasies i don't want to
choke anybody yeah i i
don't want to come on your face i mean come on coming on your face that that's
not rapey or domineering
or i mean i i find that off-putting and gross it doesn't that doesn't move me
and nothing i don't
get it but that's half of what porn hub is well i think what half of it is now
is a lot of stepsister
stuff as like stepfather stepsisters what's that all about because people are
trying to be naughty and
there's nothing naughty left because like the idea of porn originally was like
i can't believe these
people are having sex like go back and watch porn from the 80s so they're just
having sex ass
fucking choking come on your face spitting yeah yeah it's gross and it's and so
i'm not surprised that
kids have mental problems because of sex yes if i mean what what's the first
date a first real date
like right when you saw you know a team of japanese businessmen come on some
school girl's face when
you were 10. oh you saw that one the bus that's that was a rough one i think it
was a flight attendant
i don't think it was a school girl yeah um the uh there was a squid yeah oh
there's always squids
they're into octopuses tentacles and shit yes yeah it's it's not necessarily
benign but neither is
alcohol neither is gambling i'm not saying it's a lot of other behavior yeah
but i mean if i was a
parent yeah it's an issue keep it away from kids there's also an issue that you
don't tell kids
about it so they don't they find out from other kids there's no discussion of
what it is there's no
like real like no one in their right mind would ever sit down and watch porn
with their son and say
this is what i want you to avoid like this is why i want you to avoid this
right but it's probably not the
worst idea i mean look it's there there comes a legality issue like i mean i
don't even think it's
legal to watch porn with a 13 year old kid but if you if you have a son and he's
13 and you know he's
going to be exposed to these things you almost have a responsibility to talk
him through it and just give
him some to give him some understanding of what it what is the landscape here's
a big one why these girls
doing this okay here's something that people don't like to admit that enjoy
porn the vast majority of
them have been molested the vast majority of who has been molested porn art
porn actors porn stars yeah
yeah yeah yeah there's some study they did on um girls who get into porn who've
been sexually abused
mentally abused and physically abused it was overwhelming it was overwhelming i
mean obviously it's just
anecdotal it's based on one group of people that they i don't know if it's the
largest study it's not
not surprising at all no so they're searching for acceptance and they're
willing to do something
that's way outside the norm i'm sure there's just some girls are just really
promiscuous they're into
sex and there's nothing wrong with them they just love it and they love
performing but i think there's
less of them than there are of the girls who were probably abused and you know
maybe they turn a
negative into a positive i'm not saying right they shouldn't do it i'm not
casting any judgment but i
am saying that you should understand what this thing is like what this why how
come some people like to
fuck on camera and everybody else is afraid you know that you're going to see
their genitals i don't
know about the watching porn with your uh son joe but yeah i wouldn't suggest
it either i'm just saying
i'm kidding but uh what i would tell a kid especially a boy um is son what you're
seeing in porn don't
think that women really like that because they don't they don't want to have
somebody come on their face
someone must we were talking of course someone likes anything that's one of the
bad things about
the internet is that you could in the old days if you were some sort of weirdo
pervert you thought
and it was the world was better because you thought that you were completely
alone in the world
now whatever your kink is you could put it on the internet you could write you
know i want a hooker
to shit on me while i play with electric trains and it's a whole category a
thousand people in two minutes
who are saying me too yeah and that i don't know that now you have a community
yeah of electric
train shit around you got an echo chamber yes they're all enjoying shitting on
you with electric
chains so that's all unhealthy but but i just don't think that i mean that
would be my main lesson to a
to a adolescent boy okay we can't keep the porn away from you just don't think
that's real the way real
women are or what real women like i don't think they like tinder either in fact
i watched some documentary
i can't remember what it was called i think it was on hbo about
dating on social media and that was the main theme of it was women are doing it
young women but they
don't like it and it's not surprising they don't like it guys are of course
wired very differently
and they just want to hook up and move on i read also an article about it and
the i think it was in
vanity fair and the the woman says okay she did it once she tried tinder she
goes to a hotel or meets a
guy she had just met over the phone and they fuck and then she said as i was
getting dressed i turned
around and he was sitting on the bed looking at tinder whoa you know so he had
just come and here
he is looking for the next fix victim and victim this is this willing
participant yeah i said i'm not i'm
i'm not i'm not i don't mean i didn't mean no you're right she's the next he's
a predator she was a
willing to right predator how dare you that's what i'm saying he's out there
hunting yeah trying to get
gals but it's just what his gals trying to get the ladies yeah um but women it's
not designed for
women's sensibilities no not most women no they had remember ashley madison
yeah yeah it was the
cheating site and it was like uh 12 000 women and 126 million men it was like
some crazy number like
that and most of the women on it were hookers too there's a lot of them that
were fake they had like
fake accounts it's yeah that was hilarious when you have when you have a dating
site set up just for
people that want to cheat and then they all get busted because someone hacks
into it like do you
fucking dummies use your real name like jesus christ i mean just that you ever
read that book sapiens
yes such a great book and he goes into the fact that monogamy probably not what
what is wired in us
it's the reason why there's so much misery about relationships is it probably
wasn't that way
in early man and i'm saying early man like human homo sapiens which haven't
been on earth that long
there's no primates that are monogamous they've never found right and we are
primates right and um
we probably had a system system is just how we were that was closer to the chimps
and where it was like
communal fatherdom you know you didn't really know whose kid it was so there
wasn't this possessiveness
because you know i guess the women fuck different men in the in the grouping
and there wasn't that
feeling of i own you right and this pussy's mine and all that you read sex at
dawn no it's basically
about that okay my friend dr chris ryan wrote it okay interesting uh that's it's
basically about that
it's about how people behave the polyamorous relationships they had in these
right primitive
cultures and that before dna testing and before they understood paternity that's
really what it was
all about is about the community would raise children everybody would rate and
they would there was a lot
of like shared sex in between different people so much so much of love is i
think possessiveness what
people think is love it's not love you know and and also you make me feel good
is not love either
to me and they always say love is the thing that has never been able to be
defined i don't think it's
that hard it's it's selflessness it's when i care for your happiness more than
my own that's love in
any kind of relationship man or woman or at least as much as my own yeah right
and if if you if being
without me would actually make you happier then i'm for that that's love that's
not that would not
characterize most of my early relationships how i felt and what i thought well
what love was well it's
interesting when we look at other animals right because you blow no that's not
love
in other animals monogamy isn't a choice like the animals that are monogamous
monogamous they don't have
any desire like it's naturally built in wired into their system it's not like
they choose like swans
there's a bunch of them penguins for instance penguins yeah there's a few ones
are gay we know
that they all look the same they might as well be gay they aren't they're gay
wasn't there a big
thing about gay penguins well there was a story i feel like about gay penguins
or really yeah there's
something because i feel like the usual suspects on the right yeah look up charlie
chaplin gay penguins
fucking um smile there's something they were there maybe it was a story
something that made the
evangelicals mad about penguins yeah about penguins i think it's penguins maybe
it's they were in my
point would be that any of these animals that are doing this they're not doing
this because they have a
choice they understand what it is oh new york times gotcha gay penguins and
their hope for a baby
have enchanted berlin two male penguins the zoo berlin have adopted there that's
it that's what it is
two male penguins adopted an egg people are upset delighting germans but
upsetting pat robertson big
time oh was he bummed out about that yes somebody like that was or all of them
were i'm sure the family
council those types you think they want to have the example of penguins being
gay i wonder what that
leads to even give a fuck or if it's just a hustle at this point do you think
they really give a
fuck about these penguins being gay i think they have to say something because
it's some new thing to
talk about and it gives them fuel yeah for outrage yeah it's a juicy story in
the news they could jump on
yeah i mean pat robertson is it he's still on tv right he said yeah he needs
material like you and i do
yes that's what i'm thinking yeah yeah yeah yeah you never know what these
people okay penguins that's
where that's where you draw the line that's it that's enough their their agenda
has moved over to
the penguins such a strange time it's a strange time where like we're i i feel
like if you read steven
steven pinker stuff he talks about how yes this life has never really been
easier than we have it today
right but it's also probably one of the reasons why people are so outraged
about things today
is just there's it's so there's less real shit that's dangerous in this world
there's less there
still is real danger there's still real murder and real rape and real robberies
but there's less of
it than ever before but yet there's more outrage than ever before about
nonsense things well when
societies get too successful and you could make that claim about america that's
when they become a feat
and that's when they become soft yes and that's when they fall this is a story
that goes back to
ancient rome and lots of other societies you you're you're a victim of your
success in a large way we're
we're that because yes people don't we're just talking about how people were rougher
yeah no novocade you
know that wasn't even the roughest thing we don't know hardship except for that
sliver of the country
that fights the wars those people know hardship of course we do have poverty in
america but there's
also a fairly substantial safety net that this country has i mean nobody
compares in other parts
of the world but you know there's parts of the world that are real with crime
and gangs yeah oh of
those those those people deal with real hardship oh real hardship those are the
people coming from
central those central american countries that they always are freaking out
about the trump administration
because yes when gangs rule the country in el salvador and honduras those
places life is precarious and
easy to lose yeah but i know stephen pinker's point you know which is a great
point is like let's not
forget that in the last 20 30 years the amount of people we've risen out of
extreme poverty the people
who used to live on a dollar a day um it wasn't that long ago when i read this
that a billion people
defecate in the street you know that's where they poop that's all improved
greatly now part of the reason why
trump people are upset about jobs and stuff and going overseas well that's part
of the reason why is
because we lifted out of extreme poverty people all over the world but they
took those manufacturing
jobs that's why they're not living in extreme poverty and why they're not pooping
in the street because
they're making trump ties as opposed to somebody in ohio so pick your poison
yeah i mean this is like what
we're talking about with us growing up that life was rougher and life is easier
today and but you have
more access to information so maybe it could be better and then things seem to
be moving in a better
direction in terms of things being safer less violence less crime less rape and
then people also get
upset at you bringing up those statistics that's where it's really interesting
that pinker gets attacked
for just stating statistical facts just say and he's not making value judgments
he's just saying hey
things are if you look at the overall numbers of things this is the safest time
to be alive ever
it's and the people know but what about this what about that like it's a
horrible hallmark of our era
that we live in that facts almost always come second yes your political agenda
comes first yeah and if it
doesn't fit in then we don't want to hear those facts and that's the left and
the right yeah it is the left
and the right it's both and it's um it's it should be it should be something
that everybody rejects it
should be something that angers everyone it shouldn't be tied to one party or
another party and it really
should be something that if there's a there's a real problem with communication
in this society one of
them is the denial of actual facts and information if we if we know things we
have rock solid statistics
whether it's about climate change whether it's about war the budget whatever
the it is if you have a
real number yes and you want to spin and deny and like that that's a giant
problem it's a giant problem
right i get madder at the left because i want them to be better and they should
be better and they're
the they're the science party and they're supposedly the fact people i expect
this from the right right
denying climate change and so forth they've been doing that for a long time the
left has this dirty
thing if you disagree with them in any way you become an alt-right person like
right i mean it's
obviously a small sliver of people doing this yeah boy i got stuck in this alt-right
category i'm like
you guys are out of your mind i've never voted right in my life right i i know
but there's a there's a
a i feel like i'm sure as you do sometimes a man without a country yes and
there's a group of us
sam harris yes people you've had on yeah jordan peterson barry weiss yeah you
know i just we're
all progressives yeah but sensible progressives real progressives real progressives
we're not blindly
ideological to our party yeah right and we don't chase these virtue signalers
yeah who are always
as a friend of mine said they wake up offended yeah um and i i'm always reading
a story
like daily i read something and what goes through my mind is this country now
is completely binary
there's only two camps we're totally tribal you're either red or blue liberal
or conservative and
everything that one side does that anybody does that represents that side has
to be owned by that entire
side because people will go you well you're the party of so whenever there's
something on the left
that's cuckoo crazy we all own it and that's one reason why trump won sure
because people you go through the
polling his fans are not oblivious to his myriad flaws what they love about him
what they all say
they love is he wasn't politically correct it's it's hard to measure how much
people have been choking
on that political correctness they do not want to walk on eggshells yeah they
do want do not want to
think that one little misstep and they'll get fired or it'll be castigated and
these are not just famous
people i mean these are just regular people and i think when someone reads the
kind of stories you see
every day and it's an eye roll and it's a eye roll at the left that's when you
lose people i'll give
you an example i was about two weeks ago the giants my football team the new york
football giants
cut oh i think his name is janoris jenkins using the r word yes we have to say
the r word no you
can say retarded okay well we're just we're not saying it you gotta look like i
don't know what the
fucking rules are yes and he he okay first of all i don't understand why that
generation feels the
need to engage with their fans on twitter but he was and someone needs to teach
him social media
some guy was criticizing him and he's a good cornerback or safety uh whatever
he is and the
was criticizing him and he answered back yeah again i don't know why but saying
here are my stats
i'm pretty good i only can do my job right i'm not retard okay wait better if
he had three dots
part of the story i'm going to explain so then the guy the fan says well why
does it matter the team is
losing and that's when janoris jenkins said i can only do my job retard and cut
like cut from the team
cut like the next day and first of all i think he said it's something i thought
it was a hood thing
you know maybe janoris jenkins didn't get the memo because he's not you know
like on twitter
24 7 and living with the wokesters that we don't do this anymore i think they
offered him a chance
to apologize and he said i think he did did he i think he did he did after they
cut him but
yeah i don't think he like stood i insist on saying this word but you know
there seems like there's no
room anymore for someone just to go oh sorry i didn't realize this was such a
thing because you know
they do move the goalposts right often and they like to because it's easier to
catch people that
way so how about just oh sorry i guess you know we don't do this anymore my bad
and move on with our
lives instead of no you're canceled you're cut you are irredeemable yeah it's
hard ridiculous it's
ridiculous and what i'm saying is like every day there's some story like that
and it just all goes into
the bin left wing yeah and that's when people go you know what trump's an
asshole i don't like him
but i don't want to live in that world these people are even crazier yeah and
that is the great
danger of re-electing him and that very well may do it yeah it very well may
yeah this over correction
overreaction and things like that infuriates people and they they love it when
trump says crazy
shit because it sounds like something that they would say he's trolling like he
had that one speech
where he's talking about china this is the way you talk to china say listen
motherfuckers yeah everybody
went yes yes like just that alone like i even laughed and clapped i was like
that's hilarious
because that is what you would hope some crazy version of a president would say
that would never
really exist but all of a sudden he exists he sometimes he says something that
i totally do not
want a president to say but if he wasn't president like for example when he was
confronted may have been
by bill o'reilly when he was still extant uh about putin killing journalists or
something and trump said
something like uh well we're not so innocent either yeah now i don't think the
president of the united
states should say that but you know who else says that noam chomsky yeah that's
like something noam
chomsky says america's guilty of also being doing these horrible things we're
not innocent either yeah
he would be a little bit more articulate about it but yeah right yeah but the
point is that no one
judges anymore by the content of what they say it's just by whose team are you
on yes so if you liked it
when norm noam chomsky said it you shouldn't hate it that much when trump said
it or vice versa if you
hated it that norm chomsky said it then you should hate it that trump said it
but that's not how people
react well the team thing is so prevalent that even when he does something
militarily like backs out of
a country you see people on the left criticizing him for not not going in or
not not engaging like jesus
christ you guys are supposed to be the people that always don't want war and
when someone who's the president
does something that's not a move towards war we should all be saying yes please
more of this
he's got a good thing here's a good thing it's not like but we want to categorize
people as being
like you said one or zero binary irredeemable like either chosen or irredeemable
and you have to be
very careful with how you talk or you get labeled in in one or two of those
categories and people are so
scared now communicate it's i had a conversation with a friend a while back and
he was a crazy
conversation it was alcohol involved but he said something really ridiculous he
was saying that
maybe it's good that uh women get so much money in divorce because of all the
they've been through
from men over the years and i was like what do you like what does that have to
do with money and divorce
like if that's an individual person that's getting money from another
individual person is she getting is
she collecting is this like reparations for all the horrible things that have
happened for women
and he goes well and so he starts getting defensive he goes well what about uh
income inequality the
women have to deal with i go oh jesus i go well you know that's not real right
and he goes what do you
mean i go it's not like they have the same jobs it's not like both women the
man and a woman are both
mailmen they both do the same amount of houses but the man makes a dollar when
the woman makes 70 cents he
goes that's exactly what it is i go the it is that's not what it is it's
illegal it is illegal
we've already passed that i had to explain right everybody walked on eggshells
everybody was like
oh jesus what are you saying right you're saying income inequality is not real
right no it's not not
not that it's not real there's so many of those mic drop yeah phrases that they
use you know kids in
cages yes which of course we don't want kids in cages but there's a whole
discussion to be had about
immigration yeah as opposed to just kids in cages or islamophobia of course
that is a real thing it
exists but there's a whole other discussion but just these look the left often
uninformed yeah they
just are but they have these bullet points that they feel like they definitely
can shut a conversation
down that's what i mean they don't feel like they have to learn a lot about a
subject yeah because
you have these mic drop sayings or phrases that just stop people from talking
well i'd fortunately
known the actual statistics and so when we were talking about i was saying they'll
know they choose
different jobs and also they negotiate for themselves differently yes they need
to negotiate for
themselves better well that's one of the things when people accuse jordan peterson
to be in sexes you
know jordan peterson literally counseled and coached women how to be more
assertive in their jobs to get
better raises sure it was really explaining how to do this and and and just
even maybe possibly against
your better instincts to exert yourself and show that you understand your value
and this is what men
do and this is why men get raises and oftentimes women just kind of keep it to
themselves and they're
a little nervous about it but it is amazing i mean you mentioned divorce yeah
they don't assert as well
going for a raise but boy the divorce thing i mean that can go both ways if the
woman is the one who has
more money yeah but when the does that ever happen that's like women who beat
up men like
you know women right women beat men up too like when i hear that i'm like oh my
god go to the gym
yes you should go to the gym man it's like these men's rights are like
there's so much to make fun of men's rights guys but i had one of them on my
one of my
comedy specials i had a bit about it where they were saying do you know that
men get raped more
often than women i go yeah by other men you idiot exactly like i remember that
yeah chicks are out
there raping dudes what do you think cheerleaders are out there raping cops uh
have you had christina
hoff summers yes okay yeah i love her yeah i love her too she was on our show
recently and you know
we were talking about the fact that also they don't bring up a lot of the time
that most of the horrible
dirty jobs in the world yes are done by men yeah they're the ones who are up on
the telephone pole
most likely to die on the job most likely to be murdered most likely to go to
jail yeah most likely to
get a much longer jail sentence yeah for the same crime so we're not crying
about being men we're just
saying as she says life is a complex yes mixture of advantages and
disadvantages yeah i think the
pendulum's swinging the other way though i think really dumb statements like
all white men like
which used to hear on twitter and people used to like applaud and retweet it i
think people are now
like oh what the fuck well that's a little out there but i have heard when now
it's going in the
other direction because the race is winnowing but at the point of say six
months a year ago when
lots of people were getting into the race at some point there were 24 democrats
in there and when a
white guy would get in it was very common to hear do we need another white guy
yeah and uh that was
completely okay yeah on the left and it's like okay but then we are saying that
we are using race yes
to judge whether someone is qualified right yeah exactly we are using race and
gender to say whether
someone is qualified just so we understand what we're doing here because i don't
think that's exactly
what martin luther king meant no when he said judge by the content of their
character and not the color of
their skin which seems to elude a certain what's the dumbest form of identity
politics and it's really
ridiculously dumb when they don't realize that that same sort of strategy is
going to come right back
around at you it's like people that think that oh that guy's pissing me off i'm
gonna go punch him
well guess what he's gonna punch you back like this is this is not it's not
that simple when when you if
you go around judging people based on their gender and their their color and
their race guess what they're
gonna do that to you now like this is it's it's a terrible strategy i want to i
i want to know how
the divorce laws came to be i do i want to know i somebody must have written a
book on it i just want
to know how we got to this place where um you know first of all this idea that
you have to live in the
style of which you've become accustomed i can help you here i can help you
great couple couple ways here's
the big one lawyers make a lot of money if there's a large settlement so it's
lawyers yes lawyers don't
make a lot of money if there's no settlement you know phil hartman when he was
getting divorced one
of the things that he said to me i go dude just give her half come on man you
make a lot of money
he goes it's not half he was crazed he's like it's two-thirds he goes the
lawyers get a third it's
a goddamn scam and i've had friends that have gotten divorced and even though
they were they had come to an
agreement with the the ex like let's listen with this this and you'll get this
and i'll get this fine
then the lawyers jump in he's trying to you and this no they're trying to you
over you deserve more
that's exactly the plot of the movie marriage wc marriage oh it's terrific i
was again it at the
beginning because it was about an actress and a theater director and i was like
jesus christ can't
you at least pretend that there are people in america not outside of your exact
circle there
been so many big movies you know that are just about your world of show
business have a little
creativity make them something else but okay i got over that and then it's just
a terrific movie
about there's no bells and whistles it's just we're married we seem very happy
and then well we're not
happy and we're gonna get divorced and then um we're gonna let's just do it amicably
and not getting
lawyers involved and then it all falls apart and once it goes down that path
that you're talking about
it just becomes as vicious as anything yeah without guns well i had a friend
who got divorced and no no
family okay no children didn't have children and uh it dragged on for more than
i think almost three
years and even though they had come to some kind of sort of conclusion he was
paying for his wife's
lawyer i go it's like you're paying for the general of the army that's trying
to kill you you're paying
for someone to you in the ass yeah you're getting in the ass it's broken it you
can feel it i have
seen so many men broken by devastated every time somebody says uh you know they
people unfortunately
get a horrible disease like cancer and they say i couldn't have gotten through
it without my wife
i always think yeah and maybe she gave it to you i don't mean of course
literally but i just mean
that when you're in a bad relationship the stress yeah uh we don't know what
contributes all the things
to cancer but uh that certainly is i'm sure one of them and then going through
a divorce like that i've
seen people like like you say just broken they get wrecked and it's a system
the reason why the divorce
laws are set up the way they're set up people think oh we're protecting women
horseshit they're doing it
so that they can extract the maximum amount of money out of the mail that way
the lawyer gets the biggest
chunk that they could possibly get most lawyers have a they're working on a
percentage basis right
especially if a woman doesn't have as much money or if she's you know the loyal
come to her look we've
got a deal here we'll we'll figure this out don't pay me now we're gonna make
sure we get get you the
most we'll we'll take care of it all in the end and this is what has happened
to several of my friends
that have been divorced and you know what it is once you see it what i get and
i understand and i accept
and i uh i support is child support i mean i've i grew up with a deadbeat dad
my dad never paid for
shit and i have many friends that have also experienced a lot of financial
hardship growing
up because their dad was a piece of shit and and didn't want to pay for their
children but people
very close to me including my wife but when there's a big difference between
that a man taking
responsibility for his children it's a big difference between that and alimony
alimony is creepy there's
something creepy about like my friend like i said didn't even have a child with
this woman he is still
paying her by the way this is the same guy very good friend of mine has been
divorced for 14 years has
been married for 12 to a new woman still paying the old woman and my joke was
like you her so hard she
can't work right like she literally can't work because he he's a wealthy man he
made good money
and he works really hard he's a he's not in the business he's a you know he has
a real job and he
works you know long hours every day and he has his own business and he has to
pay hundreds of thousands
of dollars to someone he doesn't even talk to anymore guys because he used to
fuck her guys
couldn't i i i knew of a guy who's a doctor who went to jail every night
because he couldn't make
the payments oh god and they would like let him out on weekends to do rounds
and stuff but he was
it's i got a better one for you want to get him crazy yeah dave foley who's on
news radio when he was
uh getting divorced was when he was on news radio so it was a financial peak
you know he was the star
of the show he's making a lot of money right and so his oh yeah payment to that
were set up for that
sure so this is in canada right and he the judge tells him he tells the judge i
don't make that kind
of money anymore that was an extraordinary time in my life it's very hard to
make that kind of money
you know i'm an actor i just the doctors the judge rather says your ability to
pay has no relation to
your obligation to pay wow think of that just pause here for a moment what a
statement you're and where
else would we say that it's insane and we're talking about hundreds of
thousands of dollars hundreds of
thousands like as if he's supposed to conjure this up like his career is
supposed to magically resurrect
wrecked itself in some really financially is usually the man still who probably
has the more money and
is paying the woman yes it's very anachronistic to how we have come to think
about women as equal
and strong and able to do everything we can do but when it comes to this it's
like uh we got to take
care of them well they're suddenly they're yeah it's like they're very
dependent i think it's a scam
that's set up because the men in general are in control of the finances or make
more money and they
can extract more money from a lot of people turning it down yeah i mean that's
that's why the system i
think is set up the way it's set up it's it's dark man i mean the only time it's
happened the other
way that i know of is tom arnold tom sure yes it does it does happen the other
one he's one for the
males right we got one on the board there's like if the board was like here if
it was it would be
a billion scratches on one side and four lines and the one through it and then
next to it is like tom
arnold that's why i never a couple of the dudes never understood the concept of
marriage because
when people would say why don't you want to get married i'd say why would i
invite
the federal and state government into my love life it's very important
you have to have it otherwise it's not real if you don't get a signed piece of
paper what the
do you have just your feelings for that other not good enough how's she going
to tell her friends
she's got to tell her friends that he really cares you've been brainwashed but
he really cares
i think i'm serious i can see she's trained you to say the right answer well i
i think that's how
crazy i think that's a crazy backward way to look at it that without the piece
of paper it's not real
it's not real whatever you have with this someone emotionally uh that's what's
real the paper is
what's fake you shouldn't be worried about divorce because we're never getting
divorced i'm not worried
about you i don't know what the you're doing like why why you're getting so
upset about this bill
just sign the paper and get married we're going to be together forever i don't
know what you're worried
about jesus christ you're freaking out about don't you love me you're freaking
out about a divorce
we're not getting divorced we love each other god sign it sign it and then when
you sign it the
darkness clouds roll over but also like humans change it's like we it's so
funny when you're you
could say about anything else well i'm not married to it you know do you want
that thing there i'm not
married to it but with a human the thing that's most malleable we're like uh
yep i'm gonna marry
well but you know but for some people it works fantastically i think in some
countries they actually
have term limits they actually have marriage terms i don't think that's a real
thing i think it is
really yeah google it some countries have like a term we did this before right
yeah it's real some
countries have like you could get married for like seven years oh i see and
then you have like a seven
year yeah and you could decide at the end of it you're like look i think we're
good let's get out
of here right yeah well but that's putting a level of logic into it that's
probably not going to really
obtain when the moment comes because by that time you're so codependent girls
are not going to tolerate
that they're gonna let me let me ask you this how long you've been with phil
you've been with and
he wants a term limit right my god you guys are going to be together forever
what are you doing to the
fucking term limit because if you stuck with dave i bet dave wouldn't ask right
dave's not like that
like dave might be a little boring maybe he's not as funny but he's a solid guy
and you would have
signed the contract you'd be fine girl it's like when agents are competing to
sign you and they're
like you didn't read for that oh i could have as soon as there's a financial
incentive with anything
things get squirrely that's what i'm saying yeah but it also you know i
remember you it's funny you
mentioned tom arnold i had him on the very first episode of politically
incorrect i think with rosanne
and they were talking about marriage and he said the great thing about marriage
is uh when you have a
big fight and somebody says i'm leaving you can go you can't we're married and
i got what he was saying
some people like that that you have this yeah this self-imposed barrier that
makes it more difficult
it's like a waiting period with guns you know or when they make you look at the
sonogram when you
want an abortion in some states look at your fucking baby on the computer
screen there and tell them
come back tomorrow and tell me you want to kill that kid you know you have a
waiting period you have
to cool off you can't just leave whereas if you're not married you can right
unless you live together
that's more complicated or kids are more complicated but yeah and uh the other
one we got on the board
is kevin federlein we got him too what do you mean on the oh oh right right
britney's he's britney's
baby daddy yeah he's uh he's getting yes that's right right right now
absolutely absolutely absolutely
he's good yeah plus he got the britney spears which is a double fist pump is
that a good thing oh yeah
you know he hasn't said one thing the whole time we've been here for 16 hours
she has not said one
word and that was the one thing that made a sound come out of jamie she's got
two things in the men
men enjoy she's hot and she's crazy she's probably fantastic in bed is britney
but still hot there was a
photo of her recently on instagram she still looks hot as i thought yeah she
was in a bikini i think
she fell apart okay she might be i've never seen her in real life you don't
know until you see him
right right i mean i i didn't yeah i guess i haven't that's her right now i
haven't that's her right
now yep well that's a lot right now no makeup no filter that's a lot of look at
that picture right
there that's a lot oh that one looks crazy well she got some crazy videos i do
not find oh she's
crazy as man but that that one right there that we're saying is so great upper
left no no the right
one in the middle i do not oh listen if it's two o'clock in the morning and you're
both drunk that's
what you want well i'm never drunk anymore and now i go to bed at midnight
which is a quite
she's talking to your door bill wake up it's britney i'm here to fuck and my
dad's here with
me because he has to be wherever i go i see that controversy yes well she's
like 36 years old now
too do you think she still has to do that well she does that there's a whole
free britney movement
from people who have nothing better to do with their time and there's no more
issues of all the
issues in the country that you could adopt as something to take to care about
but people are saying
because yes she still is under that um order that her father has to run her
life because remember
when she went yeah she went crazy yeah yeah i think she's probably always crazy
she just expressed
it in a way that made people concerned and also i think she's a sweet southern
girl who
show business will make you crazy for sure i mean they said the paparazzi
chased her like
they chased lady diana she couldn't leave her house yeah um and yeah that level
of fame
is almost unmanageable for anybody it is what we saw elvis go through or michael
jackson go through
or any any like right do they get you get to that super pop star level like yep
no one can handle it
no one and it's it yes there is a point where it's fame i think we know is
terrific mostly unless it
gets to that point right i mean when it's the people trying to help you when
your other people are just
looking at like you know sales people and people at airline counters and people
who just look at you
like what the fuck do you want oh i don't know just for you to do your job but
if they recognize you
then suddenly you get a smile i always say being famous is like living in a
small southern town
you know in the 50s hello how you doing it's so good to see you you know they're
just people are just
friendly in a way that they aren't anymore in big cities well you know where
they're still friendly
like that dallas texas oh yes the south texas is crazy it's like all the south
is still a friendlier
place i love playing the south yeah i'm always in the south i never considered
texas the south
it's kind of its own thing it's sort of the south it is the west as much as it
is the south it's
everything it's a world because we're the south what we're the south if you
look at the south of
the country well with southern california we're the west but we're also the
south texas is a weird
thing but we know what we mean when we talk about the south we're talking about
old dixie yes and uh
but texas is so big austin to me is not texan enough they might as well be in
new york
you know it's more like san francisco like a slice of san francisco it's still
liberal yeah
yes i do i i want the you want a real barbecue yes i like well that barbecue
but i like that
texas flavor houston i love i always had a better one back when i used to go
out after a show always
had a better time in the south than the north much rather party in houston than
i don't know boston
which is a beautiful city and i love it and i love performing there but i never
found the party
but you can't miss it in houston yeah you know they're a little more jovial
yeah jovial it's
interesting how we think of the south too like arizona's not the south but it's
for sure the
south i mean it's bordering mexico yes well arizona yeah i mean they're they're
they're bringing up the
rear a little bit that's a strange spot uh certain civilization wise yeah you
know they're there's some
very conservative i mean it's the conservative bastion i mean this is barry
goldwater country
and yeah arizona's sheriff joe arpaio that guy yeah you know i mean there's
some real real cavemen
yeah in arizona but i love what's an open carry state yeah but look when you
stick to cities which we
do you know we're not playing theaters in the sticks it doesn't matter what
state you're in you're always
going to be and get a liberal audience look at the election map every year
there's a lot of red
but any place there's a city it's a blue dot especially if they have a college
town i played
birmingham alabama it looks like any place else at least the crowd coming to my
show i once was i think
it was birmingham it was somewhere in alabama must have been either birmingham
or mobile and um
um there was a bass fishing contest or an award show tournament something going
on like at the same
time as my show or maybe my show was starting and it was letting out but there
was this i was driving
up to theaters long crowd of people coming to my show who looked like and
dressed like anywhere else
normal and then on the other side of the street going the other way a bunch of
people in flannel
shirts and trucker hats and it couldn't have been a more obvious example of two
americas yeah but
within the city of birmingham alabama but it's still a city and you know we see
that electorally the
divide trump does super well among people who never left the town they were
born in rural people people
out in the sticks um and it does terrible in the cities and now much more
increasingly in the
suburbs the suburbs are the swing vote the suburbs last time in 2016 there was
a lot of people in the
suburbs who don't follow politics that closely and they just said boy things
suck in america
let's let the dog drive for a while let's see what happens let's see what
happens and they didn't you
know they want to he's a businessman he must know how to run the economy and
all this stuff we'll try
something new those people i think first of all a lot of them have peeled away
already those are the
gettable voters those are the people if the democrats want to win i think that
they have to target and they
already have but that's why it's so risky to run someone far left i think if
you run amy klobuchar
as much as people say oh she's you know dull and she's this and she's that and
no one's excited
yeah but again binary at the end of the day when there's only two choices trump
or her i think
it's very hard for her to get the nomination i think as far as like winning the
election i think
she would do it fairly easily do you think that bernie's too left do you think
he's for a lot of
the country yes do you think that's real the media asked the wrong question the
media asks and that
there's a debate tonight the media asks the wrong question which is what would
you do this is a
question that only makes sense if you're running for king the question should
not be what would you
do the question is what can you get through what can you propose that mitch mcconnell
will not either
block or you can override with votes because that's a very different discussion
what bernie sanders wants
to do we shouldn't even be talking about because it's not going to happen the
free education paying
back student loan debt better care for all care for all you know all these all
as long as the unless the
republicans self-deport even if the democrat wins the election there's still
going to be half the
country that's republican and half the congress is going to be republican and
there's just a lot of
democrats are not for this stuff you know when the democrats took over the
house in 2018 it was
moderate democrats who won their elections it wasn't the the far left so so you
get four years of spinning
your wheel in the mud you get hoping to get some traction yeah if he gets in
again it's what can
get through congress what can you get a consensus on what what can you make
possible obama when he did
health care said yes if we were starting from scratch it would make sense to go
for a single
payer system but we're not starting from scratch we're starting from a system
where most people already
have health insurance through their employer it's a crazy story how that
happened it was world war ii
and they couldn't raise wages because that was the law so they had to find a
way to give employers
something else so they gave them health insurance but that's what we have now
and a lot of people like
it or say they like it i don't think a lot of people like arguing with their
insurance company
but they're afraid of something worse and i don't blame them you know if you're
going to tell me the
government and i'm a democrat but if you're going to tell me the government is
going to smoothly handle
taking over something that large i am going to be a little skeptical we should
be they don't smoothly
handle anything there's no evidence they smoothly handle anything rather than
maybe delivering the news
well or delivering uh the mail look again as an old school progressive when you
go down the list of
things that the progressives have accomplished especially in my lifetime i
cheer them all social
security well that wasn't my lifetime but they improved it in my lifetime medicare
medicaid these
are great programs i mean before social security the senior poverty rate was
like in the 28 or something
and then it went down below 10. it was a success but when you look at what the
government really what
their big successes have amounted to it's passing out money that very often
they don't have that's what
they're really good at running a giant healthcare system especially when the
politicians who are
proposing these systems will not a talk enough about we got to cap the gouging
you can't pass out all
this money with if you're if you're going to allow people hospitals
pharmaceutical companies to charge
charge anything they want when the price of an epi pen can go up from 12 to
1200 overnight that just can't
happen and also they don't ask the people to lift a finger to take care of
their own health nobody's
healthcare system is going to work unless you involve people have some sink
skin in the game you can't
like not tell the people look you can't keep eating as much as you want and as
shitty a food as you want
and expect us to cover the bill you just can't that is not something that
anybody wants to hear though
oh i know because i did that editorial and i know i remember that people got
upset well people here's the
story people did not people loved it until james corden said something oh that's
right he had that whole
first of all he did that and in doing that made fat jokes which was which i did
not by the way yeah mine
mine were talking about obesity cheap on morbid people morbidly obese ever
first of all he missed
a great opportunity to literally save lives if he had taken the opposite
approach he took the easy way
out of course you can always get applause for saying oh let's let's boo the
mean man who told the truth
that's not brave um first of all my point was a that you can't solve health
care unless you ask the
people to participate in that that was one and also that we've gone to this
place where we're proud of it
we're proud of being unhealthy weight watchers had to take the name weight and
watchers out of their title
it's ww now it it's like we what it's see being fat isn't bad what's bad is
someone pointing out that
fat is bad but i mean i read the statistic in that editorial 40 000 people a
month a month die from
obesity that's a crazy number that is a crazy number we have to somehow reverse
this idea that we have
in this country not just about obesity but about a lot of things where i'm
perfect the way i am
i am just perfect the way i am and if you say different you're a very bad
person
that's not a good place to be it's not healthy for anybody it's you're you're
protecting people's
emotions but shielding them from a possible right moment that might make them
realize that they are
eating themselves to death right i mean look i said it also in the piece beauty's
in the eye of the
beholder that's fine whatever you think is beautiful that's your deal but
health is science yeah that's
science and when we get apoplectic when there's 50 deaths from shootings or
something a month yeah it's
very bad and we should be serious about that problem but 50 versus 40 000 every
month and that's just
what they're counting from the big ones cancer diabetes and heart disease there's
literally nothing about
your health that is improved by being overweight so you know i said we shouldn't
taunt people but
you know compare it to anything else i also owned up to the fact that i used to
drink too much and i
smoked but i didn't defend it when someone said you know you went kind of hard
last night with the
drinking i didn't say how dare you drunk shame me well the weird thing you're
right i did weird thing
about cordon too is he's not that fat like he could fix that in a couple of
months that's not that hard
no he took it out it was a it was opportunistic and i'm saying yeah he could
have he literally lost an
opportunity to save lives because as someone who does struggle with weight he
could have taken the
opposite approach and said you know he bill makes a really good point and um we
should we should look at
how we are dealing with this i i noticed jillian michaels the fitness expert it's
took a lot of
for lizzo for lizzo yeah and you know if if you want to be whatever weight you
want to be that's fine
but it's wrong to shame a fitness expert for saying this isn't healthy well it
gets even she said it's
not going to be that amazing when she gets diabetes yeah and people went not
diabetes has nothing to do it
wait uh diabetes has for sure everything to do with it for sure also they they
they lie they say things
like well it's the fat gene it's there you know there's not it's not that or
here's another one and
look this is valid it's valid that in this country it is a lot harder to eat
right if you're poor yes
and we should totally address that yes doubt if it's on any candidates top 10
list but the way the food
situation and subsidies are done in this country is horrible but given that let's
not just throw up our
hands and say we're the can't do country and because it's harder let's not even
try yes it is harder
to eat right on a budget but i'll tell you something something you never need
to have with your food soda
which is a large part of it okay and you'll save money you don't have to have
soda you don't have
to have a snickers bar a banana is 19 cents so it's not impossible
adele got shit recently because she got yes because she got healthier that's
was also a part of my thing
was fit shaming not fat shaming people go eat something eat something i'm fine
what so you can feel
better about your weight problem i should eat and get fat too well when heavy
people have a fan or have
someone that they're a fan of that's also heavy like james corden like so he's
heavy he's got people in
the audience that love him and they love him standing up for other heavy people
yeah we're fine we're fine
he's one of us we're fine i think they felt like that with adele adele was this
fantastic singer super
talented extremely popular and overweight like yeah it's fine it's fine i'm
like adele everyone's fine
it wasn't then she loses weight like you feel like she's betraying you because
one of the reasons why
i liked you is because you're fat now you're not fat anymore it wasn't that
long ago that we were
applauding people when they lost weight yeah i remember when remember when oprah
came out that time
was she was oh this was like in the 80s i think but she had lost a whole bunch
of well there's a
picture you it's a very famous picture i think she's she's like in jeans and
she's got a like
really thin waist and you know she was raising your hands in triumph and
everyone was applauding
i guess that's bad now because again you have to be perfect the way you are and
if you criticize
that then you're a bad person i my take on this is just that there's too many
voices that you hear
because of social media you hear so many nonsense voices and they stand out
just like everybody else's
voice there's so many people just screaming into the void because there's so
many social media accounts
there's so many people that are tweeting about things and facebooking about
things and and it gets
people confused is that this is like a rational perspective and again with
these echo chambers they're
all just hop on board and support james cordon or support you know adele needs
to fatten back up
and you'll get thousands of likes everybody will go crazy that's the key word
yeah that's is what i
didn't understand until about a year ago that so many people are saying things
on social media not
because they really believe it to get the likes yeah yeah that's really scary
it's weird we had a billboard
once when we were coming back on the air in january just like now about four or
five years ago and the
the tagline was he's not in it for the likes and it's my favorite piece of
promotion that anyone has
ever done for me that's great he's not in it for the likes yeah uh advertising
that as this is why you
watch this show yeah um but obviously that's not the way a lot of people feel
they are in it for the
likes and they will take a position that they don't believe in because they
know it'll get likes and
i've heard this from people i actually respect and i'm like wow you have an
addiction that is an
addiction addiction of likes addiction yeah there is absolutely that and they
calculate their posts
based on the kind of response they think it's going to get it's not like a free
expression it's not
like they're they're making a post saying how do i feel about this thing okay
this is they're writing it
down going how are people going to react to this how am i going to get people
to really think that
i'm awesome how am i going to get people to really think i'm progressive really
i'm an open-minded
person hmm the male feminist perspective right yeah i was just talking to jimmy
my friend jimmy
door about that about male feminists about that that's like a holy false
perspective and you never see
it in gay guys like there are no male feminist gay guys because they're not
trying to the women
so it's like it's not a position they would take right it's it's they'll they'll
support you they'll
be your friend right this whole idea i'm i'm an ally i mean like you're trying
to man it's so clear
it's such an obvious perspective right you know it's just such a weird sneaky
thing yeah
but that's a that's a it's a version of the same thing people are doing for
likes on social media
it's a calculated expression in order to get uh you know what what the kind of
response you're hoping
you know it's greasy right it's greasy not the word i would have thought of but
perfect
whenever i read male feminist posts i get angry i just get i just not that i
don't want equality for
women i just you're a greasy man i know what you're doing do you read your
twitter no me neither never
because exactly and and what i read about people very often who've killed
themselves
oh yeah after reading their responses that yeah this is a big thing how about
this guy losing his
fucking job for saying retard couldn't you just yeah yeah couldn't you just
stop well he got a job with
the saints did he oh so he's like like he was a great which is a better team
yeah but i mean everybody
i asked some people who i know like barry weiss who's like brilliant person and
she's like oh my it's
like so depressing my it's like don't read it oh yes that generation cannot
stop reading even when it's
going to kill them i don't understand that well it's it's very impulsive right
you see your name
and you see someone what they say oh barry you're brilliant oh thank you and
then you go a little
further and you've died oh jesus christ and then there's a bunch of them liking
that response and
then a bunch of people piling on and you got to realize this first of all they
don't even know you're
a real human a lot of people have never met anyone famous they have no they
they are looking at and
a lot of them are 15. like when i i always say that if i had a twitter account
when i was 15
i would have said horrible to famous people right just to get a rise right just
to get a react to see
if i can get them to react it's not even things that they necessarily mean they
don't know you but
unless they meet you they don't even really know you but that people take it to
heart so much that
they killed themselves you know what a few of these k-pop stars have killed
themselves really look that
out from from social media yes i think so i think that's the main reason and
and they're and these
are you know pop stars yeah i can't top of the world bobby sherman right you
know in 1968 reading
his fan mail and going ah this one hates me too if elvis had a twitter account
hey man who the
fuck you give a shit priscilla's 14. we like each other man yeah come on what
the i ain't a pervert
yeah well maybe he could have used social media back then that's it right that's
the balance like
you don't want jerry lee lewis marrying his cousin and drowning his wives and
you also don't want elvis
fucking 14 year olds maybe be better i yeah so maybe a little bit there's a
balance to be achieved
wonder what my life would have been like as a teenager with this stuff because
maybe it would have
made me kill myself but i was painfully shy couldn't really talk to a girl if i
had been able to text
them maybe i think i would say some clever shit i exactly i think i could have
done really well
with that i would have had a lot of dick pictures floating around 100 i would
have sent it to everybody
you're fucking dumb and young you have no you have no idea that's gonna last
forever i thought that was
a humble brag about his no no it's a regular dick but it was just any just any
old dick i'd send people
other people's dicks but i would just think that the whole idea because young
boys love dick pic they
draw it and they yeah they're crazy remember that scene in what was the movie
super bad that was one
of my favorite scenes in a movie ever where he's just drawing dicks in class
all day it's
hilarious because it's so true that's so true yeah look we got real lucky that
we are not held up to
the standards that kids are today because everything they do today that they
put online they're going to
put a lot of things online it's permanent forever i couldn't imagine something
that i said when i was
14 being permanent and that points me back to this thing about this football
player and things that
people write on twitter it's something louis ck said to me recently we're
talking about this he said
people look at stuff when it's written down like it's different but it's just
talk it's talk but it's
written like people say oh she's a fucking bitch i'm tired of her and then you
see her you're like oh
i'm sorry like but that's talk right but when you see it written it's like oh
my god did you see what
he put on twitter do you see what he wrote like you're talking to the whole
world now right and you
got to realize this is a different thing and then people get a screenshot of it
you can never take it
back you said it we're gonna keep it forever we're gonna archive it look he
said it he said she's a
fucking bitch and you can't there's no just talk anymore but we're wired for
just talk people are
wired for gossip and and nonsense talk especially when you're drinking but if
you're drinking then
you get on twitter oh you you could you could say the dumbest ever you could
tank your life and
people have yeah well justine sacco that famous yes that was one of the first
ones the one who
was yeah as soon as she got off the flight she was upside down right yeah she
gets on a i mean it's
almost comical except for her it's comical you know she gets on a plane and
tweets that she said
something is funny and then by the time the plane lands her life's over by the
way family guy
did a hysterical version of that where brian the dog goes into the theater he
tweets something going
into a theater and it's it's semi-racist but it's and then by the time he comes
out of the movie his
life is is destroyed by the twitter mob is literally a mob outside his house we're
not designed for
permanence like that to be able to just express yourself loosely it's like if
you're going to write
something in a book and publish that book and you're going to carefully
consider every word and then you
put that book out and you go okay we've gone over it we've edited it that's it's
a different thing
then fuck this guy so what do you think should go on with louis ck you
mentioned him um i know more
about it than most people because i've talked to louis about it but what
happened versus what's being
portrayed is what happened there were there's a lot of stuff that's just not
true like he he's never
blocking anybody's door and what's and what's unfair is that he cannot say it
he can if you engage and
defend yourself and correct the record then you make it worse yeah so you're in
this sort of purgatory
where if you hear things that are not true you also cannot say anything about
it yeah that's a that's
an unfair place to be and also like is everything a hanging offense my problem
with some of the me too
stuff and of course i think like every right thinking person it was a great
thing that happened
that men have been put on notice that you're playing with five fouls
and you just can't get away with a lot of the you use particular men in
positions of power in the office
place right i mean i think employers let's let's also extend it to the fracking
industry and mcdonald's
and every other place in america where probably it's very prevalent nobody ever
hears about it
but there is just no consistency charlie sheen who i'm not picking on i like
him but he got a super
bowl commercial last year well he did way worse things than louis ck way worse
you couldn't give louis
ck so people would like louis ck's in a super bowl commercial that is
ridiculous charlie sheen yeah charlie
sheen has no shame and i know but he held a knife to his did he didn't that
time in aspen wasn't that
he was with the third wife or something and i seem to remember but he's done he's
being sued for giving
people aids i mean there's just this litany of things that are way worse than
whacking off in
front of people which is not cool either of course it's so but louis did
apologize and own up to it and
i just think the there where is the consistency yeah well and also where is the
is it a is it a
is everything a life sentence louis is is a horrible person forever or is there
some point where we used
to go yes a person pays his debt to society in some way uh and then you know i
you know you're allowed
back i i feel i just feel bad for him i mean i feel like he did weird that he
shouldn't have done for
sure and i think he knows that i know he knows that but what is the proper uh
punishment
and is and who decides it well he's definitely working again so all the people
that are complaining
and and bitching about overseas no he's working here no he's doing a lot of
theaters he's doing he's
touring again right yeah yeah when you're selling his tickets to his fans yeah
sure but he certainly
can't do everything he wants to do right and he can't he can still tour but
even if he wants to do a
special boy who's gonna take him up on that right yeah you know who's gonna
jump jump the line and
maybe maybe the proper punishment is another five years before you can have a
special but oh that's
a long time well i'm just saying i'm just pulling it out of my ass i'm just
saying yeah what we need
some sort of it's been more than two years some sort of me too court yeah that
will hand down a fair
and just a justified judge rose mcgowan presiding yeah yeah how would you how
do you decide when
you know a person has been punished enough and what and what is the crime yeah
but he's he's got
some hilarious bits about it he goes so the problem was uh i like jerking off
and i don't like being
alone right and i wanted to the rest of the material he does about it but you
know he asked he asked
can i jerk off in front of you when they said yes he did it it's not a good
thing nothing's good about
any of it but and he knows it no i'm not defending him but right people are
portraying it as far worse
than like he went up at skank fest in new york and people went crazy and cheered
and i reposted the
video of it and someone posted on twitter one of the rare times they look fuck
you joe rogan he
assaulted women yeah no like no he didn't no but he didn't you're gonna you can't
change what assault
means right he asked if he could jerk off in front of people and then he did
there's some question as
to whether or not he jerked off on the phone with somebody i don't think that's
assault either it's kind of
creepy not even kind of it's i'm sure he would say it's creepy but we're not
talking about someone
assaulted people like you you can't just change the definitions of the word
because it makes you feel
better about hating someone now i also read but i don't know if it's true if
his management i think
um threatened women who were going to talk about this or prevented someone's
career from moving because
of this if that happened that to me is almost worse yes that's really bad stuff
yes agree i don't know
if that's true and he's not allowed to talk to straighten that out well it's
not that he's not
allowed to talk well it would be he's considered talking about it a few times
and i think he just
he decides at the end of the day it's just better just keep pushing ahead right
and his new hour
apparently i'm not advertising for it but from everybody that i heard it's
amazing because all
the pain all the craziness he apparently has a talk about new material rock and
new hour right
talk about something to talk about do you have to get out of here because they
said you got two hours
i do because it's like a work night for me all right wrap this bad boy up tell
people when is it uh when's
the new season air uh friday this friday yeah the 17th of january um same bat
time same pet channel hbo
at uh 10 eastern and i guess you can figure out the other time zones from that
and uh we're gonna go back at it again plenty to talk about plenty to talk
about always see
congratulations by the way on making this such a big stop and such an iconic
place you did good
thank you thank you i don't know what the happened stumbled into it will you do
my show sure okay i
asked you before and you were very squirrelly so many people they're all
talking over each other for
soundbites you know i heard you say that once yeah when you were laughing at
some guy doing a terrible
impression of me and and it's a very kyle kalinsky he does a great impression
of you i i didn't know
who he was have you ever seen the face off the face swap version that he does
of you on instagram
no oh i don't know what find that before we leave what's that that's it kalinsky
sorry sorry kyle
no we don't we don't have to look at this i'm i'm leaving it's amazing i to you
it was amazing
it wasn't i don't i don't man but people have done me and i can laugh at it it's
not that it was
your face he's got your face and he's doing an impression of you you've never
seen this i saw
what anyway the point doesn't matter yeah it doesn't matter the point was what
was the point
uh point was there's not too many people talking over each other on your show
correct it feels like
it is to me it's very difficult to have a conversation when there's so many
different
people talking that's such a fundamental criticism of my show it's not your
show it's just that format
that's the size but that's that was i think you're thinking of politically
incorrect was that way
i'm thinking of your show right now well i'm there every week okay and i
monitor it pretty closely
of course when you have a panel which we do there can be those moments but we
don't book that kind of
person and that kind of show it's not the old let's get them fighting thing we
don't want that and
honestly the number of times when people have been shouting over each other and
you can't hear them
is very little it's not even that they're shouting over each other if you have
a point and you want
to talk about something you got to let it roll around your head yeah but you
would be the mid-show
guest to my left and it would be a one-on-one you know i do a one-on-one twice
in the show
have you seen the show yes okay in the middle of the show yeah i bring out more
of a celebrity
usually to my left and we talked the one where sam harris started going at it
with ben affleck
because of that sam was your one-on-one that's right okay well that's you know
you picked the one
example where somebody that's what you were talking about i think he's seen one
show i've seen several
i saw the one with milo i've seen jordan peterson i've seen many many shows
that we've done over
500 when hitchens it's good i'm glad we got glad we i only i don't demand that
anyone be a fan i just
like honesty one of my favorite now we're getting to the honest christopher
hitchens went after most
deaf well he's been dead for like 10 years so once again we're establishing
your knowledge of this show is very limited so i've watched a bunch of episodes
i hope you
you don't have to watch any i don't need you but i have i have lots of fans i
don't need one more
what i'm saying is i'd like you to do it because i think you'd be good and i
like listening to you
and you'd be to my left one-on-one there would be nobody shouting over you
because they wouldn't
be involved okay so you wouldn't have that problem so will you do it yes great
all right and then we'll
talk to me anyway and then we'll work on hawaii all right all right bill marley
thank you thank
you appreciate you being here man yeah real fun bye everybody