20 views
•
4 years ago
0
0
Share
Save
6 appearances
Donnell Rawlings is a stand-up comic and actor. Catch his new special, "Chappelle’s Home Team – Donnell Rawlings: A New Day,” on Netflix. www.donnellrawlings.com
279 views
•
4 years ago
16 views
•
4 years ago
10 views
•
4 years ago
Show all
But going to it. But I knew I was right. I knew I was like, Donnell, what the fuck are you doing? I knew you was right, but I was scared, son. I know, but look, it worked. It worked. Yeah. And I was scared, yeah. It's moving. But, you know, and I feel... Look at you. You even have your own mask. That's my son's hair right there, son. Oh, Jesus. That's my son. And just speaking of that... Show us your mask. So everybody, your mask, though. The mask is... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a Donnell Rawls show COVID mask. Oh, we got merchandise for y'all punk motherfuckers now. This is the... What does it say on it? Hold on, wait a minute. Wait a minute. What does it say? It says... It says, hold on. It says, The Donnell Rawls Show on one side. What is that? What side? Right. The other side. The Donnell Rawls Show. And the other side says, Not Today, Rona. Not today, Rona. It won't happen today. And if you see... Yo, looks, all right. I'm going to tell y'all a secret. I didn't want to... What are you telling your son to do? I'm going to tell you what happened, son. This is a tough time for everybody. Nobody want to take their hat off, right? And, yo, I've been feeling it, right? And I was like, well, never act in Hollywood again if I do this, right? So I started going, you'll see, I mean, I ain't the bear. I got the motherfucker sunroof. Dude, I got a sunroof. No, I got a sunroof sunroof. Look at this, man. This is a sunroof. Yo, but you're a sunroof making $50 million a year. This is not the same roof. You know what I'm saying? This is a hoopy roof right here. So I cut my son's hair, right? And I was like, oh, shit, what can I do, right? He saw his hair. He was like, uh. So I said, I'm going to fuck around. I took it to the show. And I'm going to get a glue stick and put it on my head just for fun. He thought it would be funny. And I showed him this podcast the other day. And he got excited about it. But the thing I like about me having that hair, it smells like him. So it's like a little souvenir. And right there, you know what? Yo, I don't want to feel like I'm CVS or anything right now. But I want to say, we all know when it comes to Corona, there's certain things that go before you know if you have Corona or you kind of feel it. Right. Your sense of smell and your sense of taste. That's why, Joe, you're not going to believe this. Right. I came up. I came up with a one of a kind. This is a specific to me. It's the Donnell Rawlings show. OK. Now, I don't know if you're familiar with a smell called Black Ice. Black Ice. Do you know what Black Ice is? No. You know what Black Ice is? I don't know. I wouldn't lie to you. No, you don't really know what the Black Ice air freshener is. I don't think so. Do you know what it is? You don't know. OK. You're going to. I bet you you'll know this. I mean, I've all done air freshener. OK. For like for a car. All right. You know this one. You know the Royal Pine air freshener, right? Yeah. Those little trees. Just the white one. That's. You racist motherfucker. Yo, is there another color? So you know. Let me just tell you right off the bat. Oh my God. Listen, I'm a car freak. I hate air fresheners. Right. I don't like them. I want to smell car. I want to smell gasoline and leather and carpet. It's not about your car. It's not about your car. Like you've not been into a Cadillac, a black owned Cadillac. You've never had a ride with Snoop Dogg or any of the hip hop dudes, right? No. That's like in the culture, black culture, Black Ice, it's just the smell. You always have to have it in your car? If you want to get some pussy back in the day, you know what I'm saying? You know how to smell right? Yo, yo, Joe, I'm not. So there it is. Oh my God. It's a tree though. Yeah. It's a tree. It's the same shit. It's the same thing as the white man's air freshener. It's the same shape. It's the same shape. It's the black lives matter of air fresheners, Joe. It is hilarious though. They pretend. Look, it's like a tree made out of chemicals. But Joe, it's like the wood. It's like the wood. It's like the wood. It's like the wood. It's like the wood. It's like the wood. It's like the wood. It's like the wood. Joe, I don't want to distract you getting back to the candle. This is the Donny Ross candle, right? Yeah, candle. Let's see that shit. Check it out. And one of my Whitney Cummings has one. Angela Yee had one. They'll check it out. Tell me what you think. Oh, that smells good. Jamie? So you know what? Now let me smell it. Let me smell it. See, that's another thing. This candle helps you doing corona. Like you burn that candle and the minute you don't smell it, nigga, go get a test. But more importantly, Joe, more importantly, Joe, could you read the description? Could you read the description and the ingredients in it? This shit back here? Yes, sir. Get your glasses, man. I have it on the screen if you can get that better. Oh, yeah, much better. Here we go. From Marcy Projects to Hollywood, Donnell captured six true smells, oils, going from ashy to classy. Breathe in the memories of cold air hitting your skin on a winter's day, shades of your skin getting ashier and ashier as the brisk wind hit your arms and ankles, captured the energy of a good lotion without having it. Black ash eliminates the smell of twerk and replaces it with his exotic smells. The ingredients, Joe. I don't know the first one. What is that? Bergamot? Bergamot. I don't know what that is. Bergamot. Sandalwood, I've heard of that. Musk. Uh-huh. Elon. Lavender. Jasmine. And amber... Ambergris. Ambergris? Ambergris. Ambergris. Do you know what that is? Okay, Ambergris. This is where... Because I have a really professional person that does these candles, right? Ambergris, and I was talking to somebody that's really a health nut into raw stuff. This is what I heard, Ambergris was at first. It was sperm from a whale. I knew you were going to get excited about this. Even when I thought about... This is what I heard first. It was sperm from a whale that they mined for, right? But come to find out, it wasn't... I thought it was... I was like, oh shit, my candle got a whale nut, right? But it's not that... It's the byproduct of an actual sperm whale. Do you know when you see red holes? But no cruelty. No cruelty. That's the most important... How they get the load out of the whale without being cruel. See, that's when the story started to... That's when the story got flaky, you know what I mean? I needed to know more. I was like, who was jerking the whale? 60,000... What? You fucking pop-up ads, you son of a bitch. What is it? God damn email thing. Oh, you have to give them an email? Oh, shut up. I know you got somewhere else on it because I... What I was going to say is that Red Bull, we found out that Red Bull's made with taurine and the original source of taurine. They used to get it from bull testicles. Really? Bull nuts, yeah. Like, Hitler apparently was into taurine. Bull nuts? Yeah, it's like some form of testosterone or something or some form of stimulant. Well, anything that has something to do with sperm, it feels like it's supposed to give you super strength or something. People are silly. Ambergris, how to tell if you've struck gold with the whale vomit or stumbled upon sewage. Oh, so sometimes they find it, like floating around. Yeah. Oh. Is it low? The first thought, I thought it was sperm, so I was like, who the fuck is swimming through? Oh my God, look at that shit. It can be up to $71,000 for a 1.57 kilogram lump. That's like three and a half pounds, right? And it's saliva, what is the whale? What is it? The whale? It said whale vomit. So it's like truffle... Yes, look, I knew it. I knew it was compared to fucking truffles. Oh. My shit, my candle got truffle-ish type fucking ambergris. It's a product of the sperm whale. That's what it is. Scroll back up a little bit there, Jamie. And there's no cruelty. Nobody beat the shit out of the whale. It's not whale sperm. It's a product of the sperm whale. Only a sperm whale makes the compound responsible for ambergris allure. It's called ambrine. And different organisms biosynthesize different compounds, such as caffeine, maybe cocoa, coffee, or tea plants. Ambrine is made by sperm whales only to glue together squid beaks. What the fuck? So what you're saying now, Joe, is my candle is baller as shit, man. But listen to the rest of it. Listen to the rest of it. Squid is the main diet of sperm whales, but the beaks can't be digested. They need to be passed out without causing injury, and they do this by coating them with ambrine. So the sperm whale creates this amazing shit just to dissolve beaks of squids. God damn natures. Or to be in my fucking candle. God damn natures. And to be in my fucking candle. And to say all that off my black ass. See ya. Yeah. Yeah.