Josh Barnett Got Smacked in the Taint at a Russian Banya

I've only had bear once and I did like it. Bear's dead. It was a... I've never had grizzly but I've had a lot of black bear. I have no idea what kind of bear this was. I'm not too hip to the bear population or bear genus of Far East Russia. Oh, Far East Russia? I was in a banya, which is a very communal thing in Russia. Mm-hmm. And so I'm in Khabarovsk, up in the Far Eastern North, where it's negative 30 degrees below at night. And I'm up there. We're in this banya. Explain the banya. A banya is basically just like a big sauna. And so, but it's a traditional setup where they have an oven with rocks and stone. It's a... They will put... Throw water over the stones and things like that. It's not exactly... It's not a dry one like a finish, but it's similar to any other sort of sauna setup so you can come across. But it's not a steam room. And it's also famous for... They have a process where they take these bundles of tree branches with leaves and everything on them. And they'll use white oak, eucalyptus. And put blends together. And what they'll do is they'll take these two bundles and they'll whip the air around you as you're sitting there. They whack your body with it. And these leaves, these bundles are made of mostly fresh. So they're still oils. They're still live. There's still elements within it. It's not fully dried out or anything like that. And so this thing is all being hit upon you. And they'll hit your feet. And they'll do all this kind of stuff, to be honest. So the first time I ever went through this, this guy has beaten my ass with these things. And I'm just like, okay, I can get through this. I know it's got to be healthy. I've read the Wikipedia. It sounds all great. And I'm sitting there and you go through sessions, like three minute sessions or whatever. And I'm on the third one, which is towards the end. And he's whacking away and he's whipping these things around me and circulating all this super hot air. And I swear to God, my pale ass, sensitive, white boy skin felt like it was on fuck. Fucking fire. And to the point that I started, I'm like, I got, I got, I got, I can't do the thing. And so I get up and I'm, I'm, I'm yelling in Japanese in Russia and jumping into a cold pool because I'm, I, I'm so fucked up from getting my ass beat by this little Russian guy with a pile of sticks. Why Japanese? I don't fucking know. I have no idea. And I'm sitting here cooling off. So much time in Japan that what the fuck? Do you not know any Russian? No, I don't know. So you just substitute for another language that you barely know? I just, my brain was in a different place, dude. And as you can relate when, when you're sitting in those things and it's pretty fucking hot and you're trying to get through it, like sometimes you're just trying to get past it. I would imagine the beating from the sticks is like the next level, right? Because it's frustrating enough just dealing with the heat. Well, think about it, right? So you're sitting still and you're having, maybe you're having a tough sauna session. You're like, okay. If I don't move enough, I'll get through this. Right. Now this motherfucker is, is pretending to be a fucking helicopter, spinning around the room and he's like a Beyonce fucking dance number, getting all this hot air blown all over you, like flying, like caressing it up your taint, all this shit. And you're just like, dude, there's no way of stopping this. See if towels or no towels. Yeah. Yeah. Either or, man. So you're lying face down, basically. Naked. Basically naked. And having... He's hitting your taint with this stick. Wistering, he's hitting your whole body. Very rare that a man hits your taint with sticks. Very rare. I can say that it has have its, it's got its joy a little minutes. Yeah, there's something to it. Yeah, there's something to it. Taint, often really neglected part of the human body. I'm going to start the whole, the whole taint specific movement around how you need to massage and stretch the taint. And you have to, you know, I bet your taint is all locked up. I bet the fascia around your taint is just, is keeping you from being able to kick properly.