Joe & Tom on Bert's Surprising Athleticism

I really enjoyed when we did that. I mean it was a whole different. The challenge. Yeah, but like not even the challenge aspect. I mean that was cool too. But getting into something that I didn't really do before and I do miss it. I do like, I like the feeling of completing one of those classes. Yeah. Yeah, we gotta get Burt on the sober October train this year. We can't miss this one. He needs to get sober. I'm down. Cause I want to see, I mean he's so much more of a drunk than he's ever been before. Right? Wouldn't you agree? He's out of control. He's out of control. What happens is he, you know, it's not unlike I think anybody that maybe tours is that his wheels fall off on tour. I mean you know that happens to a lot of people. You get home, you get grounded, are at home. But he tours a lot. So what happens is, you know, the party guy's on the road. It's going to be a fucking party. Yeah, he put a post on the Instagram. He texted me too, telling me about it. He's like, I'm going to lose weight. I'm going to do this. I got my goals and this is that. And then he goes, but I'm back on the road in two weeks. I'm like, bitch, you ain't doing shit. I'm getting jacked this month. He's going to have one hard workout and he's going to be really tired and he's like, I deserve a drink. There's a video of him that he put up on his Instagram and it's I think it's from him on the podcast, on this podcast, talking about how much he loves drinking. I'm never going to quit drinking. Oh, he's I love it. I love it. I love when someone says he gives a couple of speech. He has a couple of those. I know what it was from. It was from some, it's called like the Sunday podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's that's it. Yeah. Where he does this really. Yeah, he's done on this one too. But on that one it. Yeah, he does it almost feels like a coach. Right, right, right. Yeah. Half time. Yeah. We're going to win this fucking championship. He's evangelizing. Yeah. Yeah. He does this thing sometimes where he's totally serious where we'll be together. I'm like, how you doing? Like we just first sat down. How you doing? He's like, good, good. I've been drinking a while. Feel good. Got to go. I go, what was the last time you drank? He'll go Tuesday. I'm like, that's not that long ago. That's two days ago. Yeah. I will never quit drinking. I will always make sure that I can keep my body healthy enough so that I can always drink. I love seeing a sunrise with a cocktail, seeing a sunset with a cocktail, having friends walk into your house with a bottle of wine, getting on a plane. Can I get you something? Double jack on the rocks. Lots of rocks. I love the moment someone says, hey, we should get a drink. And you and you're not supposed to. That feeling, it's like a first kiss. You don't get that first kiss when you're married. You get to have those first drinks at a brunch. Someone goes, should we do mimosas? And then the waiter goes, actually we have bottomless mimosas. And you're like, this is going to be the best day ever. Dude, you just hype me the fuck up. That was like a locker room speech. Yeah. It's pretty inspirational. I should speak at AA meetings. He's crazy. But it's also, he's built different. He really is. Actually he really is. He would be a fucking hell of an athlete if he wasn't a drunk. That's the total 100% truth. Like when you played him tennis. Fucking unbelievable. Yes. It wasn't even, and here's the thing. He didn't really prepare for that. And he also showed up hungover and with beers on him. Like in his hoodie pouch. And I was like, are you okay? He's looking pretty hungover. What it was too, because he actually has, he was a really good baseball player. Right? He has really good hand-eye coordination. And that his serve was, I'm not joking, is phenomenal. His serve was phenomenal. For somebody that's also not actively playing, and he could do things, like he could do kick serves and he could put spin on it. He was serving impressive, impressive for anybody who plays tennis, but especially for someone who's not even playing all the time. Yeah. That's right. Let me see this. Give me some balls. Let me see if he's like. Nope. Didn't like that one. This is like him still figuring it out. That's a light. That's not an example. Did we just start this match off with an eighth? Can we just shit the fuck out? He gets so much. And this is my fucking gay circle. Hold on. This is like. Okay. This is really bad. I can't play tennis at all. So. I'm depressed. When when you see him actually. Serve next. It's. Dude, there's kids around. This is so I'm sure. Horrific to watch, but. So bad. I mean, this is like watching. Yeah. Yeah. When he when he got after it, I guess that didn't have it there. But yeah, so anyway, I had I had a tennis coach there like a really good player. And after the match, he's like, dude, I he goes, I'm sorry, because he coached me. I go, what? He goes, he has a legit D1 college serve. I go, what? He goes, yeah, that is fucking really impressive. I had no idea. Wow. He would have that. But he does have he has athletic gifts. Sure, he does. If he wasn't a fat fuck. He wasn't a fat fuck. He'd be a hell of an athlete. The only actually, you know, the thing that would completely change that guy is it's obvious. But it's his it's his caloric intake. Right. Like he. Yes. He has he's had a surplus every day. Right. It's surplus food surplus drink. If he was like, I if you told him you have to cut this out. Right. Your life's going to die. He would fucking look unbelievable. Like the weight loss challenge when you guys the first sober October we did was just a weight loss. But even that he did it the Burt way. Right. Which is like a cram two weeks out. He's like, I'm going to starve myself. That's how he did it. He didn't do it like, you know. And did he even starve himself? I think he just dehydrated. Yeah, he dehydrated himself. He probably skipped a bunch of meals. He has a skinny formula, which is what? Yeah. He goes, you want to be skinny? Yeah. Because what you do is you drink, you take a Xanax. What? Yeah. He's like you sleep. And then you wake up skinny because you haven't eaten in like 15 hours. I'm like, yeah, you could just be awake and not eat. What a bizarre way of handling it. Yeah. It's just his mind, man. Oh, God. Such a kid. Thank God he's a comic. Imagine if that poor fuck was like some salesman somewhere. Yeah. Just be hating life waiting to get drunk. Oh, I could see him totally working at like a tackle shop, you know. He's like somewhere like you need bait, you need some, get some worms here for you. And he would just be tipping one back on the job. And he gets fine. He works at a bait shop, you know. Maybe. Maybe they'd fire him. Who knows? He'd put the worms where the fucking lures are supposed to be. Yeah. He's just like there's certain people that you can't imagine them being anything other than comics. Yeah, for sure. He is our John Daly. Oh, yeah. For sure. That's definitely who he is. Yeah, that's our John Daly. But what I worry is that it's like so attached to his persona. Right. He has that thing, it's not uncommon where he goes, I don't want to disappoint people. They're here to see the machine. They want to have a drink. They want to party with me. And he doesn't want to let them down, you know. Well, he'll let them down when he dies. Yeah. That's going to be a let down. That would suck. The thing is, you can't live long like that. Yeah, I know. Nobody lives long like that. No. You live, but. I know. You're in a weird race with, obviously he has great genetics. He does. He does. So, for drinking, his genetics are fantastic. Yeah, they really are. Because he doesn't, even when he's really drunk, he's pretty fucking coherent. There's times where I didn't know, and then all of a sudden it's revealed. He's like, I've had. 85 drinks. Yeah. He's like, I drank like these two bottles of whiskey and 45 beers. I'm like, what? And then I'll be like, oh yeah, he's like, check this out. And he takes his clothes off. I'm like, oh, okay. Like now. But I didn't know a moment ago when we were talking.