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Joe List is a stand-up comic and co-host, along with Mark Normand, of the "Tuesdays with Stories!" podcast. His latest special, "Enough for Everybody," is now available on YouTube.www.comedianjoelist.com
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Like, man, fucking life, bro. And then we went to the Cheesecake Factory. I was starving. I'm like, I gotta eat something. And we came out and 100% of our luggage and computers were stolen. Out of your car? Yeah, which I guess is an epidemic in the, what's that called? Silicon Valley. Really? Huge San Jose, San Francisco, to the point where the cops were like, oh yeah, all right, take care. Did they break into your car? I guess they went into the trunk, but I thought maybe I didn't lock the door, but a bunch of people have tweeted at me saying they have like fucking decoder things. They can just get into cars now. Jesus Christ. And they prey on rental cars because they know you have suitcases and shit. They see that little no smoking thing. Oh, and that's the thing in Silicon Valley? Yeah, so after that happened, we noticed every restaurant would go to, would see at least like one business guy eating with a suitcase next to him. We're like, you gotta bring your shit inside. Ugh. But it was brutal. Silicon Valley is a weird spot because you have all these really rich people and then you have a fucking army of homeless folks. Yeah, I mean, that feels like America and getting more and more that way. Somebody was telling me this, Jamie, find out if this is true because someone was telling me that this is a woman that I know that lives out here. And she was saying that they bust people, bust them in from other cities. They take their homeless people and give them one way tickets to Los Angeles. I heard that with Hawaii. Is that what you said? No. Oh, I heard that happens in Hawaii. They fly them to Los Angeles. That's a good move. If you're in Hawaii, good luck getting a ticket back, you fuck. Yeah, but it's a... But if you bust them, they could always get back. Yeah. They're on the same piece of ground. Right. It's not as effective. That's a good point. They should fly them to Hawaii. That's what LA should do. Yeah, we should send them back. Yeah. Yeah, save a lot of money. I think that's like... Got a few jumbo jets. Get one of them A37s and 10s of crash. I'd make it a... I think you should make it a night like a fucking private, like a Air Force One with his like food and you know, foot massager. And then they're like, oh wow, this is going to be great. And then you're like, no, it ain't. Yeah, you fly them into Molokai. That's that island that they used to send the lepers. So there's an article I just found that was done by the Guardian in 2017. Seems like a pretty long in depth article. It doesn't say they're being bused specifically to Los Angeles, but this one, the example they're giving is a ticket purchase to this guy by the city of San Francisco. And I think this was sending him to Indianapolis. So he went... What? He went the other way. How weird is that? That should be so illegal to not take care of your homeless problem, but rather to send them. He traveled 2,275 miles over three days to reach his destination in Indianapolis and then freeze to death. Imagine you go from San Francisco to Indianapolis, you don't have the proper footwear. That sucks. Cities have been offering homeless people free bus tickets to relocate elsewhere for at least three decades. What? That is gross. Well, if you're just offering them a ticket. Yeah, but it's... That's not so bad. Until now, there's never been a systematic nationwide assessment of the consequences. Where are these people being moved to? What is the impact those programs are having on the cities that send and the cities that receive them? And what happens to these homeless people after they reach their destination? Well, the best example of that was that wild, wild country documentary. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I did. I mean, they took over fucking town with homeless folks. Yeah, that was one of those ones. Every cult thing I watch, the first half hour, I'm like, this seems pretty nice. I'm kind of into this. Yeah, I'm gonna join. Yeah, yeah, this sounds kind of awesome. And then slowly you're like, oh, maybe it's on. Oh, they're poisoning people. Fuck. Even the Scientology was like that. I was watching a half hour and I was like, I kind of am into this religion. Which one? Going Clear? Lawrence Wright one? Alex Gibney, I think, maybe. Yeah, it's Lawrence Wright's book, Going Clear. The book is even more bizarre because it gets obviously way more into depth about how crazy L. Ron Hubbard was and what he essentially did and how he started this whole thing. He was self-analyzing. He was trying to heal himself because he was fucking crazy. And along the way, he got really into psychology and self-help books and then was quoted saying, if you want to make real money, you start a religion and then start a religion. Yeah, well, he's not wrong. He was right. Yeah, he did all right. Watch this graphic that they used on here. I have to scroll down and make it activate, but it shows their data showing all these homeless people getting sent around the country. Whoa. It shows them just like those little dots getting moved around. So they're sending them from Los Angeles and New York primarily. Look at that. Those loads. Those berms. By a year, I can't show the whole graphics because we can't see it. That is crazy. Yeah, it's like... What is that burst? Is that burst from... Is that Southern California or it looks like San Francisco? San Francisco would be up here. This would be LA, like San Diego. But Florida seems to have the most... It started in Florida. This graphic starts down in Florida. Wow. Well, that makes sense. It's warm. The hurricanes, I think, too, is around that time period when they got smashed into things. I like the idea of all the ones passing each other, though. There's two homeless guys passing each other like ships in the night. Here's where you don't see them land. Texas. Texas doesn't give a fuck. They'll just shoot you. They'll shoot you. They have a hole for homeless people that they have out in the desert. Why not like Wyoming? They don't have enough people up there. It's cold. It's fucking hard to live up there. They're just not interested in taking in your homeless. Yeah, that's up. By the time you get to be a certain age and you're homeless, I guess you just have to accept the fact that this is just life. This is the life you've... Yeah, it seems unpleasant.