Joe Rogan Reviews Coronavirus Re-Opening Guidelines

The restrictions are supposed to be lifting up here in Los Angeles on Friday, which means nothing for us, for comedians. It means something for like some retail, some other stuff, but they're doing it nice and slow and... Did you see the list of shit that the governor's office put out of stuff you're allowed to do? You should pull that up, Jamie, because it is... It's quite hilarious. First of all, it's kind of condescending. It's like treating you like you're a moron. Like here's things you're allowed to do. One of them that I thought that was hilarious, it said soft martial arts. Yeah, it said Tai Chi. This is your allowed to do this outside. Soft martial arts. No. Like why can't you do... Why can't you Shadowbox? Can you do that? Yeah. Or it's only okay if you do things that don't work? Like you're saying martial, martial art. Or that's an art of war, right? And Tai Chi is... It is a... It's much more of a meditation than it is an art of war. I think it's very beneficial. But look at what it says. Athletics, number one. What does that mean? Badminton, singles, singles, throwing a ball, a baseball, softball, stop. Here's the problem with that. If you're throwing a baseball, you're basically shaking hands. And you're doing it with an organic skin, right? Baseball, the outside of it is cow skin. You could throw a ball by yourself, but... But that's not what they're saying, right? That's sad. You're gonna throw it and go... Just throw it and go pick it up. Throwing fly balls to yourself in the park. BMX, biking. Okay, thank you. You're allowed to canoe. Singles. Oh. Like it specifies. What's singles? Are they talking about crabbing like crab walk? No, like catching crabs. You can go crabbing like fishing. No, that's what it means. Oh. You can go crabbing. People do it all the time? Oh yeah, in California, not here, but in Northern California, it's a big deal. Yeah, I've done it before. You catch blue crabs, I think they are. I think they're blue. I don't know what species they are. But you catch them off the piers. There's a lot of areas around San Francisco where people catch crabs. It's really big in like Maryland and those guys love crabbing. Oh, and Alaska too. They do a lot of crabbing. That was a thing. It was just a California list. That's why I was like, I didn't... They must have them in the oceans right here. Gardening, not in groups. Oh, you can explore rock pools. Thank you. Oh wow. Where can we do that at? It's a Malibu, but you can't get to the beach. It's closed. Cycling, golf, singles, walking, no cart, Tony. Oh my gosh. You can't have a cart. Why can't I have a cart? What if it's my cart? I can't take the cart? It's electric. It doesn't even hurt the environment. What is a... Why can't I take the cart? Yeah, or why can't they clean it? Why is it down? Is there a logic to that? Let's stop. I mean, if it's your cart, is there a logic to that? And how is it any different than the cart at the supermarket? Like that motherfucker's getting passed around like a cheap hoe. I think it's because they have to have people clean it and whatnot, and they don't want to have to have staff on whatever, because they've opened up... Right, but they have it at the supermarket. No, I know, but, well... You know what I'm saying? I'm at your point. It's like it's real squirrely. It's like the places we absolutely have to go, they're allowed to stay open. Yeah, and even the shopping cart, I was shopping the other day, and I opened up the kitty part, you know, to put other stuff in, and I'm like, there's no way they wiped that part well. There's just no way. If it was on here, I got it. After a while, I'm sure the people that work in those places, the kids, especially, like 18-year-olds, they're going to slack off. Like no one's dead. They don't see it, you know? They're not going to the hospital. Hold on, don't scroll down yet. There's a lot more we missed. Go back up. So yeah, so we were at no cart, golf, hiking, trails, paths, allowing, distancing. How is it okay when you're running? Because if you're running past people that are walking, there's going to come a time where you're right there. Is that all right? I don't know. This is all very bizarre. Well it really is like we're dealing with multiple different diseases too. Are those trails open? I thought they were still closed. Are they opening those up? I think they opened them up again. We'll find that out next. Oh, you can kite board. Okay. Oh, meditation's loud. Oh, we're allowed to meditate. Hey, you can meditate. What the fuck, man? Outdoor photography. Oh, I didn't know. I thought that if I was hiking, I couldn't take pictures of what I was hiking with. Thank you. Thank you for allowing me to do outdoor photography. Picnics with your stay-at-home household members only. Can't meet up with other people that aren't sick. What? Quad biking, rock climbing, roller skating, rollerblading. It's weird. It's because we're asking people to be extra super responsible with this. But we don't ask the same thing about car accidents. Okay, stop. Go back. Soft martial arts. Look at that. Tai Chi, qigong. What's qigong? Well, I know what qigong is. It's like a type of like a breathing exercise. I'm pretty sure. And you know what Tai Chi is. It's almost like a series of rhythmic movements. But why are you calling that a soft martial art? It's such a weird definition and not in groups. It's just like so specific. Like if a person wants to go outside and they have a shadow boxing routine they do and they like to practice Muay Thai, why can't they go practice Muay Thai? They can't just go outside. Imagine like you're pent up in your apartment and you can go on the beach and just like spark up a little and just throw some combinations under the sun and the sand. You can't do that? Is that threatening to people? But you're allowed to do all this jazz? That's not even a martial art. Let's just be honest. It's great. They just do it. They find it very therapeutic and it's good for the body. You know you're doing these slow poses so it gives you, you know, you're exercising control over your body. It's not really a martial art. It's weird. It's like you wouldn't fight with it. So what is it? You know what I'm saying? Like you're not going to fight with Tai Chi. I've never heard the terminology before. Is there such thing as soft and hard martial arts? Yeah, I guess you could kind of define it like that. Some people would say that Tai Chi is a soft martial art. I guess they would kind of say it, but it just doesn't make sense to me. It's not a martial art. A martial art is something that you would use in a fight if you were trying to have a thing with it. There's rules to martial art, so you could say like well how come boxing is just boxing? How come they're not allowed to kick you or take you down? Like is that a full martial art? I think right here I was looking around. This is a potential. Oh Jesus Christ. From Northwestern University, a COVID tracking thing that they're tested with like less than 30 people. Oh my God, that's so crazy. It was used to track stroke patients and like changes in your breathing and lungs or something like sounds in there that connect to a device which is your phone and let you know if something's up. What better way to get integrated with the grid than to create a virus that makes you wear a mask, takes away your humanity, can't touch each other, got to stay away, no social contact so you're getting more and more addicted to your TV and your phone, more and more addicted to your laptop. I'll free you, but you got to take a test and then I got to put a tracking thing on you because I want to make sure that you're a good boy Tony. You're a good boy. You don't go catching no COVID and spreading it around, so I got to know where you are so I could chart out the health of the public. Frightening. Ooh, can't give that up folks. Five stage reopening process based on risk. Stage one, safer at home order, planning for recovery. Stage two, which you're about to go into. That's now right? As soon as a Friday. This Friday, florist, some retailers, car dealerships, golf courses and trails soon. Other low risk businesses, manufacturers, office, retail, essential healthcare, outdoor recreation and libraries. I thought we already can't outdoor recreate. That's sort of what we were talking about earlier, but you have to wear, they say here it's on this screen, you have to wear face covering when you go out there on the trails. You must adhere to... So are they making runners wear face masks while they're running? No. Not out on the streets I don't think, but maybe if you're in a trail you could probably get stopped. Find out if that's true because I've been reading all these things that say that there's, you know, we joked around about it before, like if someone passes you when they're running, like how close are they to you? But it doesn't seem like there's any sort of science to say that it spreads that way. I know that's what I've read that and didn't think that that was true too, but I texted Brendan Schaub. He said he got a ticket for being on that trail. I don't know what the ticket was for, but... Jesus Christ. Yeah, I was like, did you really get a ticket? He said, yeah. Did he get a ticket for just being there or did he get a ticket for not wearing a mask? I'm not sure. Wow. So museums, cultural centers and galleries, thank God they can open up LACMA and you can stare at a plexiglass box at some fucking dipshit glued together. Look at that, stage three. Separated with velvet ropes. Stage three, high risk businesses, body art, massage bars, nightclubs, movie theaters and bowling alleys. So we have to wait. We have to wait for the next stage. It doesn't say when. And then stage four, higher risk businesses, entertainment venues. Oh, wait a minute. That might be us. Well, wait a minute. Yeah, like what is an entertainment venue? Is that like a large arena? There might be more like a thousand people more like a concert venue. Don't say a thousand, Jamie. Give them a bad idea. Say 3000. 3000. 3000. We want theaters. Yes. We can do comedy in theaters. If they shut down all the arenas and I just have to do 10 shows instead of one, we can do that. This is just Los Angeles. I know, but these fucks, it doesn't matter. This is... Also, Ohio has just passed a law. They said to change what the Department of Health is doing so that they're like over superseding the rules like in their Congress. Like only have 14. I don't know. So that's... Listen, I think ultimately we're hating this with California's doing like ultimately there's way less people that got it here than got it anywhere else. So it's probably a good idea. But as a comedian, it fucking sucks. As a person who is not in the highest of risks, it sucks. I know quite a few people that have had it and we're going to actually have Michael Yeoh come on next week. I'm really interested to talk to him because he had it real bad and he got it from New York. And then there's been some speculation that the people who got it from New York, they get it from Europe, but the people that got it in California, a lot of them got it from China, which is really interesting. Because I wonder if as it went through Europe, it got worse. Like that's possible, right? And wasn't that something that they speculated that there's some sort of different strains? Yeah, but couldn't New York people just come to LA using the people from China? For sure. Yeah, they could. But I think when they track the origin, I think that's the reason. Oh, yeah, I was just taking tests. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.