Greg Fitzsimmons Waterboarded Ari Shaffir | Joe Rogan

Dude, I had Ari Shafir on my podcast one time, and we were at... You ever do a podcast above the Comedy Cellar, they've got a studio up there? No, I haven't. Bobby Kelly started it, and it's... Oh, nice. I forget what it's called. And so I'm up there doing my podcast with Ari, and it's an apartment. It's like there's a bedroom and a bathroom and then the studio. And we got to talking about torture. And I go, you ever been waterboarded? He's like, no. I go, this is a bathroom right here. I go, you want me to waterboard you? And you know Ari's like, yup. Sure. Let's do it. Sure. Let's do it. So we go inside and I put a towel over his face, and he leans over backwards and his head is below his body in the shower stall. The nozzle comes off the wall and I spray down his face and nothing, nothing, nothing. And then all of a sudden his body's convulsing, his legs are kicking, he's fucking screaming, water is shooting out of his nose, he's choking. And it went on for like a couple of minutes and I'm fucking dying. And then he starts laughing. And we were just on the podcast laughing without saying a word for probably five minutes. And then he goes, want me to do it to you? I'm like, fuck yeah. And then he waterboarded me and the same thing happened. Wow. Yeah. That's legit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you can't. That's a real torture. Yeah. But it's a weird torture because you're not permanently injuring someone. Like when you think of torture, you think of like someone cutting someone, lighting them on fire, shit like that. What's the torture you would least want to be done to you? That's a good question. Maybe that one, maybe waterboarded. I don't know. I get like electrocution, they electrocute you. Ozarks, spoiler alert. Oh yeah. Don't say nothing. I think being made to be cold for a long period of time, cold and no, they say no sleep is actually the worst thing you can do to somebody. Right. Like Chinese water torture. They just have the water drip on you. Drip. Just keeps you awake. Drip. Daze. Drip. Yeah. That's a good tip. If you ever fallen asleep while you're driving folks, if you stop at a gas station and get like a soda or a water and some ice and then get like wet towel, get a wet towel with ice in it and just rub your face. Because I used to smack myself in the face when I was coming back from gigs. Yeah. And I'd be driving on the mass pike and there's no one in the road. Smacking yourself in the face. Just sticking my head out the window, you know, just trying to stay awake. Yeah.