Doug Stanhope Used to Travel With a Suitcase Full of Sex Toys

You commit to letting someone use something on you. Yeah. You know, commit to someone wants to put a vibrator in your tank like, hey, hey, hey, hey. It's not real. Let's just hang out. Yeah. You don't have to use a Theragun on my tank. Right. Let's just talk. Yeah. You don't have to do that. God, I remember there was this girl in college and she used to chain smoke and drink tab all day. It was everything. Everything about it was just kind of manufactured and, you know, just perfect. Just perfect. And I remember one time, like I was over her house and we kind of broken up and she'd had a party and she's like, hey, why don't you stick around? I was like, nah, I'm going to head out. She's like, no, stay, stay. I was like, nah, she's like, I have toys. I'm like, all right, let's crack another beer and hang out for a little while. I have toys. That's what took you over the top. Because I'd never played with toys. And she opened up her bottom drawer, her dresser, and it was like a fucking hardware store. All different sizes and shapes. Do you remember post 9-11 when Stanhope would travel with a suitcase filled with dildos? No. Yes. That was his thing? Stanhope would travel with a whole suitcase filled with dildos. Oh, that's great. Like a shoe salesman. Let me show you my wares. I mean, they're 100% legal to have. Yeah. So he would just get checked and every TSA, they'd be like, what in the fuck? And they'd open up his bags. Just dicks, rubber dicks. But what kind of girl do you go back? You go back to his hotel room and he opens up his suitcase and you just start using them? Same kind of girl that loves Stanhope. Perfect. Yeah, that's right. Perfect. Perfect gal. You know, it's a... He just wipes it down with his tie. Just good old honest advertising. Now listen, I see that you like me and you've come back to my room. Can I assume I can put hardware that's been in other women inside of you right now? Yes. Sure. Let's do it. Let's smoke cigarettes too. Yeah. Yeah. Let's take some mushrooms, smoke a cigarette. Fuck yeah. Let's make some phone calls too. Filthy dildos inside of me. Every time I get a phone call from Stanhope, it's like, oh yeah, I hope he's drunk. What are you doing? What are you at right now? He got into yoga for a while. No, not yoga, biking and hiking. Hell yeah. No, he did yoga too. Yeah, he met this lady down in Tucson. He was writing a book. She was a cyclist, right? I'm trying to look, I remember. Anyway, she got him to stop drinking for a while, start eating healthy, start exercising, start riding a bike. She was getting him to do it on a regular basis. Huh. Yeah, I was like, what? How is this possible? I don't know if he maintained. I was assuming it was just a cleansing period before we'd hop back. Yeah. Hop back on the booze. That makes being a drunk get boring if you never took a break. You got to step away once in a while, clean it up, and then feel the joy of going back down into the darkness. Yeah, the darkness. You know?