Buying Greenland Was the Best Idea Trump Ever Had!

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6 years ago

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Bridget Phetasy

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Bridget Phetasy is a writer and stand-up comedian. She hosts the show “Dumpster Fire" and also the podcast “Walk-Ins Welcome.”www.phetasy.com

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The J.Rogan experience. It's incremental steps to a dissolving of reality. Reality is going to be either virtual or you're going to have a combination of virtual and augmented and you're going to probably be overtaken by robots. I think that fucking Unabomber guy was right. Yeah. Ted Kaczynski, you know that guy, he did a bunch of acid, they fucking cooked his brain. What did he say? Well, he thought that technology was going to take over the human race. That's why he was killing all those people that were involved in technology. I have a theory that with the escalation of our climate, you know, whatever, and I heard this panel back in 2000, it was like, I remember being, it was all about the nature of the soul and is the soul essentially, and human consciousness, essentially going to jump elements from carbon to silicon in order to survive the wasteland that we're going to leave behind. Yeah. There's something going to happen. I think there's a new form of life that's going to take place. Is that the singularity? And I think Trump was on extra Adderall and he's like, I know what to do. I'm going to buy Greenland. I think he was onto something. I think that was like probably the best fucking idea that he ever had. I wish people got more excited about it because he came up with it and like it was dismissed and it was in and out of the news cycle in like four or five days. Greenland was like, fuck you. He's like, all right. I didn't know you could buy Greenland. But if you could, and that was like America Northeast, like where is Greenland on the map? Northwest, Northeast, way Northeast, right? So if he was like, that's America Northeast, just like Alaska and Hawaii, we got a new one. That's a fucking great idea because when shit gets really warm and people start moving there and like, guys, this is the shit. It's fucking 78 degrees year round. It's going to be nice and green. You got a complex to polar bears around here. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you can defend it. I mean, how big is Greenland? How huge? Big enough for all of us? Could it be America Northeast? Oh, yeah. Really? Really? Let's perspective. Put them on the screen. The size of Greenland in the US. Yeah. What do you think? Nevermind. I feel like it's, I don't think it was that big. He said all the weight, nevermind. No, no, no, but I didn't think it was that big. Continental US, are we including Alaska? Continental. Because Alaska makes us big. Alaska's enormous. Alaska's enormous, but nobody lives there. Like three people live in Alaska. Sorry, Alaska. We love you. Yeah, I thought it was way bigger. Alaska's, they are barely Americans. They're awesome. Don't get me wrong. I mean, they live in paradise. So that's like true size is what it says. But holy shit, it's huge. Yeah, I know. But when you drop it there, it fits right in the middle. Yeah, but that's bigger than Texas. Yeah. Dude, Texas could fit everyone in America. Wow, look at the size of it up there. Yes, Texas is huge. People don't realize how big Australia is. Australia's pretty big. It's as big as the contiguous United States. But there's only as many people as less, less than as many people as Los Angeles. And look at this one. Right. Yeah, that's crazy. Look at the perspective. Oh shit. But how does it look? Isn't that crazy? When you see the actual position, it looks way bigger than the United States. But then when you, that's because of like taking a round thing and flattening it out. That's so stupid. I don't know why they do that. Whoever's making masks. This is why the flatter, there's like... Yeah. Yeah, I told you it doesn't work, man. The ice wall. Yeah.