Best of the Week - January 12, 2020 - Joe Rogan Experience

I was 13, 14. I lived through that. I'd see her in the winter with pants on. She looked delicious. And finally, summer of fucking 79. I'm getting all fucked up with some friends of mine. And we're drinking fucking nips. We snorted some Angel Dust. And we're listening to Led Zeppelin II. If you're gonna fuck anybody, Led Zeppelin II is the album to get you. It starts off with a whole lot of love. That just gets your hips moving. And then it goes into the lemon song. And he's talking about, squeeze me baby till the juice runs down my leg. I'm like, that's it, the juice is running down my leg. My mother was a flower chick. She had flowers everywhere. I put on like a shirt. I swear to God, it had to be about 10, because she would walk the dog at night, but the husband was 16. How old are you at the time? 15. The dog would sleep. The husband would pass out by 8. So she would take the dogs out for the 10 o'clock. The last, she would put them down. They were kind of blind French poodles. And she would still wear the fucking Tidy Whiteys. You know, the Dixie Doups. Dixie Doups. This is in the 70s before Daisy even was invented. She already had the daisy on with the shirt. And I remember being on that Angel Dust hiding in the weeds. Like fucking, like fucking. And with the flowers, I had flowers for her. I was gonna bring her flowers. But my plan was to attack her. Like just jump her in the thing, throw it down and be able to flower. This is how crazy I was. You were gonna attack her. Like I couldn't take it no more. Like I wanted to marry her. Like that's how fucked up I was. And you were on Angel Dust. And I was on Angel Dust. This was what I would teach. See, Chris, they'll call it what you want. It's animal tranquilizer. No matter how you look at it. And I remember that I ran up on her and she turned. And she goes, Coco, what's going on? I go, and I just stopped. And I go, Fay, I'm in love with you. And she's like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, Fay, I've been in love with you for two years. I want to run off with you. Fuck my mother. I'm like, I just, let's get a job. Let's leave. Wow. And she's looking at me like I was retarded. First off, she's looking at me like, this kid has fucking snapped. And she goes, you've been drinking. I'm like, I still love you. Take the flowers. And she goes, I'll tell you what, if I divorce my husband, I'll consider it. And I was like, OK, I got to live with that. Can I give you a kiss? And I kissed her on the cheek. And I could feel the heat going up my head. And finally, as I went to turn away, I looked at her legs. She had the juiciest legs in the world. I go, can I touch your thigh? And she goes, go ahead, Jerome. And I touch like her kneecap. And my dick just exploded. It spurned. And I ran away like Steven Seagal. You ever see Steven Seagal running? He runs like a fucking retard with that little limp. You ever see Steven Seagal run? There's actually a town named after the last guy who died. Oh, really? Lavec, California. The last guy who got killed by a grizzly bear. Just out hunting, was it, or? Just probably being a dude that was alive back then. Yeah, man. Terrifying. So you experienced this in China. What are your precautions? Are you allowed to bring bear spray? So we had an air horn. We had a whistle. Oh, Jesus. A whistle. A whistle, yeah. So they say that the biggest attacks happen from where a Tibetan's out farming, doing their business in the mountains. They're in the forest, and they surprise. They come up the top of the hill. There's a bear there. And obviously, the bear's shocked. It's scared, and it just attacks. Yeah, that does happen with bears in America as well. That's it, yeah. So they would say, pretty much, take a whistle, take an air horn, make yourself aware. Well, make the bear aware that you're present. You're approaching. And normally, they would scare off. They'd run away. But there was a local that told me that, so they had these big Tibetan masters. Have you seen the Tibetan masters? Yes. The dogs, that god, the two-hives. 200 plus pounds are huge. Terrifying. More of a problem than the wolves they were for me, because they can scare away the wolves, scare away snow leopards, the bears. But this one local was telling me that he wasn't living in his gur, which is like a white felt tent, like a yurt. He was living in a concrete hut. And he had a courtyard with a fence. The fence was open. But just outside the fence, it's a Tibetan master chained up. And he said that this bear wasn't fazed about the Tibetan master if it walked straight past it into the courtyard and was scratching at a steel door whilst he was hiding in one of his empty cupboards. And it lasted about 30, 40 minutes. And he was telling me this story. And I'm like, I'm in a tent. I'm scratching against this steel door while I'm just in a tent in the wilderness. Fuck, man. They're monsters. If they were in a real thing, if grizzly bears or brown bears weren't real, and then they were in a movie, you'd be like, what? Imagine the poor guy. And imagine you'd like you someone would ask someone like you like, why in the world if you know they're there, would you want to walk for that long bear country? Where is your heart? And my heart is A, I get to I get to be black for a summer in my mind. So there's something in it for me. The other thing is I get to hold up to nature the insane self-involved hypocrisy of artists and what they think they're allowed to do on occasion. Just my opinion. And also Ben, who is a masterful artist and director, probably the closest thing to a Charlie Chaplin that I've experienced in my lifetime. He writes, he directs, he acts. If you had seen him when he was directing this movie, you would have been like, I'm watching David Lean. I'm watching Chaplin. I'm watching Coppola. He knew exactly what the vision for this was. He executed it. It was impossible to not have it be an offensive nightmare of a movie. And 90% of my black friends are like, dude, that was great. What about the other 10%? I can't disagree with them, but I know where my heart was. And I think that it's never an excuse to do something that is out of place and not of its time. But to me, it was just putting a, it was a blasting cap on. And by the way, I think White Chicks came out pretty soon after that. And I was like, I love that. I was like, that was great. So, you know. Well, it might be the last time we see that. Unless things change. It seems like no one can really, I don't think you could do blackface anymore. I mean, we almost lost the prime minister of Canada because he did brownface. He pretended to be Saudi Arabian, right? He did Arabian Nights in high school or something like that. It's an interesting and necessary meditation on where is the pendulum. Why is the pendulum right? Where is the pendulum maybe cutting a little into what could be perceived as heart in the right place, openness of its time. But again, I mean, you know, there's a morality clause here on this planet. And it's a big price to pay. And I think having a moral psychology is job one. So, sometimes you just got to go, yeah, you know. I effed up. Again, not in my defense, but Tropic Thunder was about how wrong that is. Yes. So, I take exception. It was heard, the media and the DNC got together and they're like, hey, let's do this because it was coordinated. This didn't come out of nowhere. Right. And CNN, you see that story CNN wrote? These two people who heard it from these other two people who were not even going to name. And that's on CNN. That's CNN. That's how they do it. It's so crazy. They're digging their own grave, though. What they're doing is they're making themselves less and less relevant and they're making guys like you and independent people more and more relevant and more and more trustworthy. And that's why they keep going to the catnip of Russiagate or Trump's tweets or whatever impeachment and this phone call to the thing. And, you know, look how the media runs interference for the establishment. It's amazing, like, you know, to pretend that the Bidens aren't corrupt. I know. And to have people come on and go, that's a lie. That's no corruption. It's been looked into. There's no corruption that a guy has an eighty three thousand dollar job on a board in a country. His dad just helped overthrow. What are you fucking crazy? It seems like it might be a little corrupt. Well, the conversation where he tells the prosecutor that if he's not gone, you don't get the billion dollars. What do you know? They fired the guy. Right. I saw that video and but their defense to that is they're saying, but that prosecutor was corrupt and the next guy was even more tougher of an investigator. But that guy was investigating Burismo at the time. Yeah. And that guy did say later that guy who got fired said I got fired because I was investigating Burismo. He said that in a court document. So believe me, they're all right. Why didn't they why didn't they impeach Trump on the emoluments clause? Why didn't they do that? Why did they do it on this? So that's him benefiting off his position in government. It's because they all do it. Why do you think because it would bring up everything. It would have to. That's right. Hey, Hillary Clinton. I mean, Chelsea Clinton just got a nine million dollar job for she deserves it. Oh my God. She did. She did the best. So then people are saying that people are saying what's wrong with the woman using her degree. She has three degrees. I wonder how she was able to afford those three degrees. I wonder she overcame all those obstacles. Did she did. Yeah. So if they're all corrupt, that's that's that's then that's the story. And that's why we had Donald Trump clinging to this system. That's why we don't have a functioning medical system or a functioning banking system because Barack Obama was paid off by the by the health insurance companies and the Wall Street banks. And that's not me saying that that's Dylan Radegin award winning. Bloomberg reporter says that how they pay him off. Oh, well, he has a I don't know if you notice he just bought a house at Martha's Vineyard from the guy who owns the Celtics. But he sells his 40 has forty nine eighty five. Forty nine acres. He's got a lot of money. Forty nine. That's more acres than Kevin Hart. Well, that's a lot of acres. That is a lot of acres. Yeah. That's that's the guy who's a community organizer. I guess it was a gated community. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. Skeleton. I mean, there's some people I thought were never Bill Cosby. I must say something was on that list. Really? Oh, yeah. You never thought he was funny. Never thought he was funny. Even when he was doing Bill Cosby himself, like back at the album days. And I may have missed some stuff he did, but everything I ever heard, even when I was a kid and I saw him on TV, I'm like, no, I don't like this shit's corny. I feel very, very ahead of my time. I never liked him. Well, it was one of those things where if you had said any of this that you're saying 10 years ago, people have been furious at you. Well. Now he's been exposed. Somebody told me he was a creep back in 1983. Ah, okay. Someone told me in 94. Yeah. Yeah. So, and it was somebody I liked, not somebody I was romantically involved with, but a girl who he was horrible to. And I never liked him after that as a person. That makes sense. I had heard from people on the set of News Radio that he drugged girls. It was like one of those weird things that you heard as a room like, what does he do? He drugged girls? Like Bill Cosby? Bill Cosby, Bill Cosby. We're talking about the same guy. Right. It's not like Steve McQueen, Steve McQueen, we'll get him confused. Right. No. No, I mean. America's dad. America, and you have to wonder why a guy who could get laid. Yeah. Even as a married man. That's obviously a sick kink he had. But I also know a guy who was a promoter and told incredibly ridiculous stories about things that Bill Cosby did that were not sexual, but just informed me that what his kink is, is part of a much larger sickness about control. Yeah. And making people do weird things because he can. Let me tell you what I heard. You tell me what you heard. Okay. I heard he makes people watch him eat curry. He would make the whole staff come into his dressing room and watch him eat. I hadn't heard that exactly, but it's exactly in line with what I heard. Yeah. That he would do things like make you, what was one of them? Like he would order food and then he would say, you know, scoop out the doughy part of the hamburger bun after you wash your hands and put it back on the hamburger. Or once he asked them to send him the soap that he hadn't finished using in the dressing room, like collect. Send it to him. Send it to, yeah. Just like crazy, crazy shit. They like it. They're like something different. They're tired of these people that sound like politicians. You know, you hear, you know, pick a person, Elizabeth Warren, you hear them talk and you feel the bullshit coming out of their mouth while they're talking. You know that they're playing a role. You know that they're with Trump. He might be arrogant. He might be crazy. He might be ridiculous, but that's him. That's that guy. I bet if you you're around him all day long, he's like that. I mean, that's the thing that people, one of the things that people like about him, he's like that all the time. That's that's who he is. Yeah. Like he's not bull. He doesn't need to bullshit. He's Donald Trump. He's a fucking multi-billionaire who is now the president of the United States. So it's like he doesn't feel the need to put on an act for anybody. So when he comes out and says he died like a dog, like that's that's how he would talk. Yeah. No, I think the consistency. I think you're right. There is there's an element of look, I'm tired. I am tired of the bullshit. I mean, I see what you're saying, but I guess what I think then is I mean, what are the chances that you get the 20? Well, we're in 2020. Look at that. But we get down in November to the election and people are just exhausted by it. So they wanted something different. Now they've had it. Are they going to get to this point in November and get ready to vote and think I can't take another four years of it even though it's entertaining. I'm exhausted. People don't like change. They get scared of change. And if things are going well economically and if you know, if it turns out that this thing with Iran doesn't turn into anything disastrous by the time November rolls around, I think he's going to win on a landslide. I really I don't see unless Bernie Sanders and Tulsi Gabbard get together and then everybody goes, you know what? That would work. Like this is a this is a real combination of people that I could I could get behind unless it's something like that where there's like some overwhelming candidate. But I don't see that. And they seem to be pushing for Elizabeth Warren. I don't see that. She was a Republican most of her career and then she became a Democrat like when she was in her late 40s. I find maybe it's just me, but but you know, I don't see a consistent policy message there. I don't see I don't see that happening for for for her this go around. Maybe maybe it'll change. Maybe you need I don't know. But the problem is I feel like these people just want to be president. I feel like it's a self aggrandizement thing. They just want to be president. I think you could argue that about anybody in politics. So you could you could say it. I mean, you know, you've met that person right who's in politics now who started out by being head of the Republican or Democrat Club in high school. That's all they want to do. Then they're a state senator and then they say, oh, I'm going to run for Congress. And you think what the what the fuck? I mean, how it's got to be something, you know, the wiring is off a little bit. Yeah, for sure. That's the problem, right?