Best of the Week - February 2, 2020 - Joe Rogan Experience

I've done radio shows where they tell you they want you to bring up certain subjects where you have jokes. You know, there's not even that long ago, man, like less than 10 years ago I did one of those national radio shows in the Midwest and they asked me to do that and I was like, what? And the producer got upset and I go, I don't do that. I go, I'm not going to do that. And like we need subjects. Like the guy was like pissy with me. Yeah. Wow. It's hard to do because you feel embarrassed. You feel dirty like when someone's doing your bit and you know you're doing it and they're, aha, they're fake laughing. Oh, that's the worst. Who's enjoying this? That's what radio used to be though. What radio used to be, like you'd go on WAAF in Boston and you know, you would talk to the guys and you would kind of work in your bits. Yeah. You know, and like everybody did it. Everybody did their bits. Yeah, I guess it was a part of it, but I was never good at it. Well, because you're authentic. But Obie and Anthony was the first to meet. Howard show was much more controlled. You know, Howard's behind the mixer. He's kind of controlling everything. There was a certain amount of time that he would talk to you and then other people would come in and then, you know, he had like a more, more of a structure. Whereas ONA, you would go in there and Anthony would have a gun and fucking, you know, Opie's behind the mixer, just sort of watching all this chaos go on, different comics come filtering in and you know, maybe I'm the time Mary and Barry walked in. Yeah. He was going on sway next door and we he was like a little out of it and loopy and we fucking we just hijacked them and he kind of walked in like he had no idea who we were. It was really uncomfortable. I knew he was gonna leave soon. So I immediately started asking him about crack. You went right into you. It was in that pipe. And he's he was like, nobody knows what's in that. I go, nobody knows what's in that. I'm like, you knew what's in that pipe. The fuck are you talking about, man? And the publicist was like, come on, let's go. They wanted to get him out of there. They wanted to get him out of there immediately. Yeah, that was fun. Mary and Barry, he died not too long after that, I don't think. Right. It wasn't that long after that. Yeah. It was funny, man. I remember there was an interview they did where there was a news station. They were talking to people about his arrest and all this stuff. And they interviewed this guy. He goes, come on, man. Everybody smokes a little crack every now and then. I'm like, everybody smokes a little crack every now and then. That's a great quote from a mayor. That's a great mayor's quote. It wasn't him though. He wasn't saying it. Someone else is saying it. Oh, about him. Okay. If it was him saying that, that would be hilarious. Yeah, like how did I miss that? No, it was another guy that was on the street who was like, everybody smokes a little crack every now and then. Did he ever elect it after that, too? Yes, he did. I think he went to jail, came out and got reelected. Yeah. Yes. People at DC, very forgiving. LOL. Yeah. Very forgiving. Strange fucking place, man. You showed me how you can choke me last time with the tie. Did you get a breakaway tie? No, I didn't. But, you know, I kind of let you have that one because I think I can defend it pretty well. Well, you're probably very good at defending jokes. Yeah. No, no, no. Like with the tie. I don't have a system yet. I'll have to talk to John Dinahir to develop a tie. All you have to do, man, is just take the back of the tie, cut it, put a little piece of Velcro on each end. You got the same tie. But I think you going under the tie to try to start the choke, actually, I mean, you're making yourself vulnerable. Like maybe you tend to arm bar or something like that. Like, I think there's a system. Don't be silly. Don't be silly. Well, listen, if someone grabs a hold of your collar, that's the same thing. Yeah. Like Ezekiel chokes are deadly. Right? Yeah, but it's not over. Yeah, if you sink it in, it's over. But it's so... Collars are a real problem, right, in jujitsu. Yeah. They're a real problem. If someone gets deep on your collar... Like even on this with a suit, right? Someone starts doing this, man, you're fucked. Not good. Mm, not good. Collars are not good. If you go deep, if you get in deep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the problem with that is it's a handle. It's worse than a collar, because I'll get underneath that knot, and I'll grab a hold of that pitch, and then it's all just twisting. Yeah, but it's... You have to... You're right. You have to get it. I would have to get it, but it's there. And you also kind of have to hold onto this part, because it can loosen naturally, unless you're really good at like... Because it loosens... Does it? Yeah, it loosens naturally. There's a system to this. I think... Yeah, you haven't thought through this, so... You don't think I have? I'm trying to choke people it ties on. As friends, yeah. I'm like, let me grab a hold of that tie real quick. What happens if I do this? Yeah. No. No, not jujitsu people. And also, it's probably a joke. If I was fighting for my life, I think it'd be different. Well, sure, you're a tough guy. You are actually trained martial artists. I mean, I'm not saying it would be easy to grab your tie and choke you to death. What I'm saying is it's one more area of vulnerability that doesn't need to exist. Yeah, but see, I'm disagreeing with you and saying, like, if I was gonna fight to the death, I would wear the suit. Okay. Because I would look good. Let me tell you something about CIA agents and Secret Service guys. They wear breakaway ties. That's because they're not good martial artists. Oh, that's not true. There's a lot of those guys are savages. Are they? Fuck yeah, man. Blue belts or purple belts? No, black belts, man. If you're a fucking... If you're a Secret Service guy, you're supposed to be protecting the president. I guarantee you, a bunch of those guys are savages. I think they're smart enough to use guns. That too. Yeah. But they don't... A lot of people like to wear breakaway ties. And that, I think, is a really heartening idea that actually, if you hear more from these people, they are self-discrediting, right? But if you ban them, you're almost giving them a kind of glamour, a kind of martyrdom status that they don't deserve. And that, I think, attracts a lot of people to their worldview. There's definitely something to be said for that. Yeah, there's definitely something to be said. I mean, like, I'm not in favor of banning these people. Yeah. I'm also not in favor of these people being able to espouse hate speech everywhere they go and to be able to indoctrinate people as well. It's like, I don't know what the actual... Well, do you trust... Well, I won't put it as my view. I do not trust the state to decide what constitutes hate speech. I don't either. No. I don't believe that... I mean, in the UK, they've proven that they're not capable of doing that. Same as Canada. Right. Exactly. Absolutely, clearly. So, in that case, I'm for abolishing the idea of hate speech as a practice. I don't know how much you know about the UK with this, right? We have a thing where the police will investigate you for non-crime if it's offensive, right? Non-crime? So, there's a website, the government's website on hate crime has a paragraph on non-crime hate incidents, okay? And what they specifically say is if you've heard some... If someone said something and it's offensive to you and you believe that that person said something because of... You were one of the protected characteristics because of race, gender, sexuality, disability, whatever, then you report that to the police and it gets logged in the hate crime statistics as a hate crime, even though there's no crime. I'll give you a very specific example of this. There's a famous case in the UK at the moment, a man called Harry Miller. He was a docker from Humberside. And he retweeted a poem that was perceived to be transphobic and people were upset about the poem. He didn't even write the poem. He just retweeted the poem. The police investigated his retweet and he said to them, have I broken the law? They said, this isn't a crime. This is a non-crime hate incident. And the actual phrase the police officer used, I'm not joking, was we have to check your thinking, right? Now that's sinister. And then when the Humberside police were challenged on this but in the media, it turns out this is standard practice in the police. It isn't just one rogue police officer going a bit mad. This is standard practice. The commissioning guidelines from the College of Policing actually stipulate that this is what you're meant to do. This is now finally being challenged in the courts but no one stood up to this stuff. I got one of those Nest cameras. Oh, the Nest cameras captured a ghost? Yeah. And I was at the Comedy Works in Denver. And the ghost comes with you to Denver? He opens for me. You want an opener that you can trust. And I got an alert on my email the first time, like if it senses movement, it alerts you. And I open it up and there's my dog. And I'm like, oh, this is so cool. I'm just like, I'm in Denver and I'm looking at my office. And I thought, wouldn't that be a cool beginning of a horror movie if you get an alert on your phone and back at home there's a guy just staring in the camera? Oh, Jesus Christ. That's a good premise for a movie. So then as I'm saying that to my opening act, who wasn't a ghost, I get another alert and then this comes up. Oh, yeah, you can see it up there. Oh, Christ. Why do you have a picture of Chris Delia on your wall? He's obsessed with Chris Delia, we just found out. Look at that, bro. That's Delia. Chris, keep away from Tom. Something you might not know. I love Delia, but that's George Carlin. That's a man with a wrench. Yeah, or a man in a trench coat with an Uzi. This is 10 o'clock at night, the only people home are my wife and my daughter. This is on the second floor, there is no shadow coming in the thing. It's a ghost. That's a legit ghost. You don't think that's a person? That's not a person. For sure. My wife is the only one in the house. Hmm. And you think that's a gun, his hand? It could be a clipboard, maybe he's just a really annoying surveyor from the dead. He's looking at that. I just took a few moments of your time to fill out this report. Did you have video of it? No, but I have a video of another thing in the same office, which I could show you. This is weird. Yeah. It looks way different in this picture when it's small than it does when it's large. Which is scarier. When it's large, it looks more like a person. Can you make it even bigger, Jamie? Can you make his image larger? I have a ghost in my house. And then we hear things. Yeah, see, it does seem, it seems like the light is behind him, right? Yeah. Like the outside right edge of it is sort of highlighted, like there's a light behind him? Mm-hmm. Doesn't look very gun though. It is weird. The big one that I remember is on my second spacewalk, we're connecting this dish antenna and had to go on top of this big boom, like a big pedestal. And there was a connector that had an electrical connector. And we had like an hour or so to connect the thing. And without it connected, it wasn't getting any power or data to that antenna. And it could get too cold. And this gazillion dollar antenna could be a worthless hunk of junk. If you take too long, you're on the clock. Because when it was in the shuttle, it was plugged in, it was getting its heaters were on. And now you got to plug it back in and get the heaters back on in a certain amount of time. And so we're like, okay, we plan this, we train this. We get up there and the connectors won't go together. It doesn't fit. And these two pieces of equipment sat next to each other for like a year in Florida, like a warehouse. And nobody ever thought, well, oh, maybe we should make sure this thing fits. Oh, no. Yeah. And we kept it like it doesn't fit. And we're like, crap, you know, what do we do? So we're shoving and we're shoving so hard, we're pushing on this thing so hard that the guys inside the space station said they feel the space station shaking. Like that's how hard we're trying. And then we see little metal shavings come off. And one of those they can get into connectors were like, that's bad. So we stopped. And then this was like kind of my big hero moment. You know, like in the movies, they like Brad Pitt saves the solar system and stuff, you know, this is my thing, right? It's not that exciting. But I thought I had this idea. I said, hey, the problem we were basically having was that the female side was too small and the male side was too big for it to fit together. So I said to the one of my crewmates inside, I said, hey, how long till the sun comes up? Because, you know, it takes 90 minutes to go around the earth. And every 45 minutes, the sun is either coming up or going down. So it can't be that long. And he goes, actually about 10 minutes because we're behind the earth and it was dark. And then in 10 minutes, the sun was going to come up. I'm like, perfect. So I took the female side. I'm sorry, I took the male side and I held it in my glove. Okay. And I put it behind the structure. I knew the sun was going to be coming from here. So I put it in the shadow. And I waited for the sun to come up and it hit the female side. And the temperature difference, if you're in the sun or in the shade, is it can be up to like 600 degrees Fahrenheit difference. So I let the sun hit it and warm it up. And I took the male side quickly out of my insulated hand and away from the shadow. And I slid it in and it went right in. Wow. And that was it. Saved the day. So you just deduced this, just understanding how things change according to temperature? Yeah. Thermal expansion. Wow. Yeah. That's incredible. Yeah, that was my thing. Did you yell at the people who manufactured it? No. We were so happy. I have video of this that you get and we were going, woo-hoo, give each other high fives in the suits and we were doing like, woo. Wow. That was victory. That's a great victory though. That really is that you figure that out.