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Whitney Cummings is a stand-up comic, actor, author, and host of the podcast "Good for You." Her new comedy special "Mouthy," will have its exclusive premiere via OFTV on Nov. 15, 2023.https://whitneycummings.com
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Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.
That's just for Dice to hold.
Yeah, he just holds on to him.
Oh!
And he holds on to him, then he swaps him out for a new one.
Was the unlit cigarette like the original fidget spinner?
Well, most people don't do it, because most people, when they have a cigarette
in their hand, they want to light it.
But Dice has got the ability to just hold on to the cigarette.
Do you remember when candy cigarettes were a toy for kids?
Yeah, I had those.
Oh, yeah, they were priming you.
Totally, and they would poof, like sugar would come out.
No, I don't remember that.
Oh, yeah, you'd go, and like powdered sugar would come out.
Really?
Yeah.
Am I right, Jamie?
Am I making that up?
I remember them just being like a candy that you suck on.
Or was that just the cocaine?
Yeah, just some stick.
My parents put on it.
Yeah, it was just a candy stick.
A nasty chalk stick.
Maybe there was a different one.
Maybe there's more than one kind of candy cigarette.
Couldn't you, there was like gummy cigars, I remember, and then the candy
cigarettes.
That must have been them just trying to get you addicted to just like the
motion of it,
or like participate with your parents or something.
Yeah, it was just a way to sell candy, but probably also engineered by the
tobacco companies.
That was back when they were lying about cigarettes being addictive, too, and
causing cancer.
Well, they used to prescribe it to pregnant women, right?
They used to prescribe it for kids with asthma.
Yeah, you need to strengthen those lungs up, fella.
And this is my favorite thing.
Did they know?
They already knew.
Yeah, they already knew.
They already knew.
Everybody had to know.
You smoke cigarettes for a while, you start coughing up black shit, you feel
terrible.
According to the internet, this pack did have some sort of, would blow smoke,
according to this person on Facebook.
Whoa, but I didn't remember a play lighter or a lighter battery, so a battery?
I don't know what that is.
Smoke that was stuck on this battery.
What the fuck?
As kids, we would suck on actual batteries if we didn't need one to go.
Oh, yeah.
Remember when you lick them?
Dude, we would just try to like, just the square ones.
Yeah, the nine volts.
We'd be in school just like, lick it, lick it, lick it.
Yeah, we would lick it just to get a jolt in your tongue.
It is wild how like, yes, the phones are obviously very bad for kids,
but when you think about the stuff we did as kids,
I was just like, I would just hang out with a light socket for like two hours.
That's all I needed.
A paper clip, light socket, like.
Light socket?
Or like a, yeah, the.
Electric socket?
Electric socket.
You would go into an electric socket with a paper clip?
Did no one else do this?
That's really bad.
Did you inhale glue or no?
Oh, I sniffed it.
Rubber cement?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm like, okay.
Oh, I used to love making models.
I used to make like Godzilla models.
You know, those.
Oh, with glue?
Remember those models?
Yeah.
You had rubber cement glue?
Do you remember those?
Yeah, yeah, you would.
I mean, Elmer's too.
Yeah.
You could peel it off your skin.
We just put it on our skin and just peel it off.
Oh, yeah.
Just like a leprosy fetish or something.
Yeah.
Well, the rubber cement glue was a big one, though.
A lot of people sniff glue.
We used to have a glue gun.
My mom had a glue gun.
For what?
Like a hot glue gun.
Crafts, arts, crafts.
Okay.
Kill men.
I don't know.
When you look back at shit your parents did, you're like, what was that?
What were you interested in?
Why did she have powdered gold and put it in coffee of the men she was dating?
What was that?
But like a glue gun.
Like there was just so much dangerous shit growing up.
When I think about my injuries as a kid, I'm like, yeah, I got burned on the
glue gun.
Everyone's like, huh?
Yeah.
They weren't looking out for kids back then.
Like when did they start like worrying about dangerous toys?
I mean, after like the 50th lawn dart, you know, aorta puncture.
Oh, I remember the lawn darts.
Those are crazy.
You're just throwing like.
It's a fucking weapon.
And they were heavy.
If they hit you in the head, you would die.
Dude, it was just like tetanus.
Right in the heart.
Let's look this up.
How many people do you think have died from lawn darts?
By the way, way more than is reported for sure.
Right, right, right.
I'm just putting this here so I don't know.
It has to be dozens.
And seesaws.
Oh, yeah.
You remember seesaws?
A lot of people up.
No seatbelt.
No.
No.
Just plywood.
Right.
With handles.
With a handle.
But we would also, it's such a testament to our nature because we would make it
even more dangerous.
Like remember like you'd be on the seesaw.
Like if you were up, I would, you'd like jump off it.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
To watch the kid.
Just to watch the kid fucking plummet to the earth.
So sadistic.
Just careen to the ground.
Okay, what does our sponsor perplexity said?
Pointed metal lawn darts were officially linked to three child deaths in the
United States before they were banned.
Just three?
Definitely more than that.
Officially linked from 78 to 86, approximately 6,100 to 6,700 people were
treated in U.S. emergency rooms for lawn dart injuries, most of them children.
Found lawn dart injuries led to a 4% case fatality rate in its patient sample
with many severe head and eye injuries, which helped justify the eventual ban.
So only a couple, but mostly children.
I would like to know the story of the adults.
But I mean, people hit people with shovels.
All the time.
I guess it was because lawn darts are a toy that they had a bandit.
Yeah, there was a lot of that.
Remember, what are they, pogo sticks?
I mean, those were so dangerous when you think about it.
They were just like, they were just like, always.
They still have those, though.
Hogo sticks, those were hard to do.
The most dangerous toys for kids.
Trampolines.
Remember the ones with the metal coils?
Oh, did you ever see the atomic energy lab in the 1950s?
Yes.
Yeah, it actually had legitimate radioactive material.
I love that they were like, you know what, guys?
Child labor.
This is inhumane.
This is wrong.
Come.
Go.
Play with some toys.
Here's a radioactive uranium bomb.
Well, didn't Michio Kaku make some sort of a reactor in his basement or his
backyard or something like that when he was a child?
When he was in high school, I think.
Yeah.
Legend.
Well, he's like a legitimate scientist, but I mean, when he was a child, he
made a fucking nuclear reactor in his backyard.
I went to get NyQuil or Sudafed the other day, and they made me show my ID.
Oh, yeah, because you can make meth with it.
Right, right, right, right.
Sick.
Meanwhile, you can get a prescription for Adderall.
You just say you have ADHD.
I don't even think you have to do that.
You just have to be like, I'm bored.
Right.
I'm neurodivergent.
Yeah.
Right.
I mean, it's all self-diagnosed.
You can't concentrate.
Are we going to look back the way that we look at, like, you know, the Nazis
and go, like, they were on meth?
Are we going to look back in, like, 20 years and be like, everyone was on meth?
Yeah, everyone's on Adderall.
That's for damn sure.
I mean, the amount of journalists that are on Adderall is off the charts.
A friend of mine was telling me, like, all of his colleagues take Adderall.
To help them work?
Yeah.
Because they have so many projects that they're doing that require intense
fucking research.
And they're Googling, saying, chat GPT, please write my article for me.
Did you see?
I think it was the New York Times or someone left in.
Jamie, do you remember the prompt that ends the, you know, what it spits out on
chat GPT?
Oh, God.
To prove that they had just copy and pasted it?
Like, wild.
Yeah, well, there's a lot of that.
There's a lot of shitty people in every walk of life.
There's bad doctors, bad plumbers, bad journalists.
But a lot of them are on Adderall.
A lot of them are on speed.
It's just that there's so much adrenaline out there to get.
There's so many, like, natural ways, I feel like, to get that, you know?
Yeah, but I don't think it covers you.
I think if you really want to, like, sit in front of that fucking computer and
bang out words, it seems like Adderall's the way to go.
But if you really do have ADD or whatever this is, like, I'm the first to say,
like, what are all these diagnoses?
But because I was prescribed five milligrams slow-release Adderall to sleep.
If you actually have it, it calms you down.
It doesn't amp you up.
What is it?
What is it?
ADHD?
The inability to focus.
Is that real?
A busy brain.
Dude, I, look, I just, I think a lot of our superpowers are being dulled.
A lot of people with superpowers are being dulled by pharma and we're being
pathologized for actually kind of extreme strengths, you know, in a lot of ways.
So there's a lot of, like, legitimate people that are arguing that about ADHD.
Okay, good.
Like a nut.
No, like, legitimate psychologists, neuroscientists.
It's, what it is, is you can't concentrate on things you're not interested in,
but you can concentrate on things you're interested in, like, heavily.
Like, people that are, that supposedly have ADHD, they can play video games for
fucking ten hours a day.
That's right.
That's exactly right.
Well, how come?
Because it's exciting.
Oh, they can't sit in a classroom and watch some pedophile lecture them on fake
history while they're getting hemorrhoids in some, like, chair with, like,
shitty lighting above them?
Yeah.
I mean, it's like, yeah, of course kids are bored.
Of course they can't sit still.
Exactly.
You know, I was reading about how Finland, they don't teach their kids to read
until they're, like, seven because it's better to have them develop their
ability to focus first on the things they want to do.
So, by the time they do learn to read, they actually, you know, can focus.
That sounds like a terrible idea.
You're going to be so far behind my kids.
Well, yeah.
I mean, look.
Kids in America learn how to read when they're little babies.
If at all.
If at all.
If they do.
Like, I mean, yeah, that's the other thing.
When it's like, don't teach kids to read, it's like, by that time, is Nerling
just going to learn to read for them?
Who knows?
It's interesting, like, having a kid now, I'm like, what do I, what world do I
prepare them for?
Do I even teach them Mandarin, or is that just going to be like, remember when
you two just put a song on our phone?
That was so weird.
Well, that was Apple's idea, and, you know, I talked to Bono about that.
He was, you know, it was devastating for them, because all of a sudden,
everyone hated you, too.
They used to love you, too.
Yeah.
They had so many hits.
They're so good.
And then all of a sudden, fuck you.
Why are you on my phone?
Isn't that interesting, the human nature of I love something, unless you force
it on me?
Yeah.
Well, it's just people are always looking for a reason to complain.
And if you have this song on your phone right away, like, hey, fuck these guys.
But also, I want to hunt.
Let me find it.
Let me feel like I discovered something.
Well, I think they just thought it would be a great way to promote this new
album.
And they just really didn't understand human nature.
It's also, yeah, it used to be, like, if you saw five billboards for something,
you're like, I got to see that movie.
Now you see, like, five ads for it, and you're like, why are you trying so hard?
Like, if it's good, I'll hear about it.
Yeah, I try to tell that to my friends.
Like, do not get overexposed.
Like, there's a real, I mean, I don't just say no to everything because I'm not
interested in doing anything more.
Yeah.
But it's also because I'm clearly overexposed.
And you got to know when you're overexposed.
But I have friends that, like, they'll do every fucking interview that anybody
asks.
They'll do every project that comes up.
They never have any time.
Like, I got to slow down.
Like, yeah, you got to slow down.
Like, why are you doing all this shit?
You're already wealthy.
Yeah.
Why are you doing this?
Be a little mysterious.
Live a fucking life.
That's right.
Live a life on top of what you're doing.
Live an actual life.
Don't wait until you're 60 and go, what did I do?
Right.
Even if you need to justify it through workaholic purposes, like, it took me so
long to get out of my workaholism.
The first time I had to do it by justifying it by going, I'll be better at my
work if I have a life.
Like, for art to imitate life, you have to have a life.
That's how I'm going to go get stories.
That's how I'm going to go, you know.
I think especially as a comic now, there's a lot of funny people out there.
I think if we've learned anything from memes and stuff, you're like, I don't,
this guy just works at Best Buy.
And who made this meme?
This is hilarious, you know.
I think in the beginning, a lot of it was, like, stolen from comics.
Remember, like, that fat Jewish shit and...
Oh, yeah.
Whatever happened to that guy?
There was another one, too.
I don't know.
But he was stealing memes or he was stealing jokes and turning them into memes?
There was a couple where you would go, like, that's a Mitch Hedberg joke.
Like, that's definitely a Stephen Wright joke or Dimitri or something.
But, like, Zach Galifianakis.
Or it would be lesser-known comics, you know.
Like, they'd go to a lesser-known comic feed, like people that wrote for Fallon
or Leno.
Right.
Go to a showcase night at the store.
Or, like, get their tweets.
You can just pull their tweets and change them a little bit.
Whatever happened to that guy?
Because he was hated.
Boy, when he started getting exposed, he was hated.
And then he just kind of vanished.
There was another...
He was huge for a while.
There was another one, too.
And I don't remember the name of it that was doing the same exact thing.
But the fat Jewish guy almost seemed like he was, like, a corporate-created
entity.
He had, like, a...
The crazy hair, right?
That weird fucking bun.
That's right.
Yeah.
He was, like, a slob.
But he had, like, a wine.
He sold it to Anheuser-Busch for millions of dollars.
I don't know how much.
Wow.
So he's trying...
What did he sell?
A rosé, is what it's called.
What is rosé?
It's a type of wine, but that's actually what the brand was called.
Oh, no, no, no.
I know what rosé wine is.
Oh, I was like, please slip that.
That is the...
Like, my heart cannot take.
He made a rosé called rosé.
I know what rosé the wine is.
It's called Babe.
I see that now.
Rosé company called Babe.
Oh, so he sold his wine, and then he just, like, I'm out?
For millions, and now, yeah, it says he's about to open a bank.
Oh, God.
Where do I sign up?
It must be hilarious if he's opening up a bank.
Definitely didn't steal those jokes.
Yeah.
Most really hilarious people want to open a fucking bank.
I love that he's just like, I'm Jewish.
What am I good at?
Just open a bank.
Like, what?
What if he turned out he's not even Jewish?
Exactly.
He's a Baptist or something.
Yeah, Jews are like, we're not fat.
What is it?
Like, get your shit together.
But also, yeah, that was so...
Like, for a second there, I was like, Joe, there's a chance he doesn't know
what rosé is.
No, no, no, no.
I know what that is.
You know?
I just thought it was a company.
It's what, like, the Raining Street killer gives his victims before pushing
them off.
Dude, your boy Brandon over here, I was like, what's up with the Raining Street
killer?
I always want, like, the updates on the Austin serial killer who's pushing gay
dudes off bridges.
And he said, uh, he's like, I think it's tech, tech guys.
They come down from San Francisco during South by Southwest and he strikes when
it's like a tech conference.
Really?
And he doesn't live here.
Yeah.
They're trying to pretend that it's not really a serial killer.
The cops want to say it's not really a serial killer.
And I'm like, how many guys have to drown before you start getting nervous?
So they're only gay, these guys?
Well, it's a gay neighborhood.
That's the thing.
Not all of Raining Street, but there's a lot of, like, gay bars and gay spots
on Raining Street.
How do the cops know the victims are gay?
They smell them.
They just check their assholes.
They're like, hey, like, I fucked his, I fucked the corpse's asshole.
He's gay.
They bring a dilator.
You know, I've seen that guy in Grindr.
He is gay.
It reminds me of, like, the Nazi.
It's been 10 minutes and I brought up Nazis twice.
The Nazis also killed gay people.
And, like, I'm obsessed with how there were Nazis that had to find out who was
gay.
So did Christians.
Oh, really?
Of course.
It's in the Bible.
To be like, I just fucked these guys.
They are gay.
Let's get them.
In the old days in the Bible, if a man layeth with another man, you're supposed
to be put to death.
That means, like, someone signed up to be like, I'll do it.
I'll investigate who's gay around here.
Well, the thing is, though, they were all gay.
Yeah.
That's the crazy thing.
Like, if you go back in history, guys were fucking each other all the time.
The Spartans did it.
They had a philosophy that you would defend your lover more.
Because, like, if you were fighting alongside a man that you loved, you would
defend him
more.
Was it love?
Is that what love is?
I don't know.
I'm still trying to figure it out.
Everybody's got their own definition for that.
Like, what is it?
Yeah.
Love is mysterious.
Mm-hmm.
That's wild.
I always have been like, what are the things we're doing now that we're going
to look back
in 50 years and be like, remember in 2006 when they were doing that?
Trans surgeries?
Mm-hmm.
100%, especially on children.
Also having phones 24-7.
100%.
Do you think phones will be like cigarettes?
We'll be like...
No.
No.
It'll be in your body by then.
Oh, right.
It'll be fun.
They'll be laughing.
Remember, you just have to carry your phone around?
Right.
Back in my day, you could leave your phone at a restaurant.
Right.
Remember when you couldn't just print from your mouth?
Mm-hmm.
Remember when you could find a phone and just make calls from it because there
was no passwords?
If you found someone's flip phone, you just open that bitch up and start
calling people.
Yeah.
You have to shut your phone off.
You'd have to go to the Verizon store and go, hey, shut my fucking phone off.
And by then, it was just over.
Yeah, the guy's been calling China.
Yeah, yeah.
That was the other thing.
You would have roaming charges.
Do you remember those?
Yes.
Also, remember when you lost your phone and that was it?
Oh, yeah.
Now, I can find my phone within my own house.
It'll tell me what room it's in.
Well, not only that, if I don't find my phone, I could just go to the Apple
store and my phone
is in the cloud and then instantaneously, I get a new phone that's the same
phone as my
old phone with all my messages, all my notes, which is even more.
My notes are more important than my messages because I keep so many material
ideas.
But you back them up.
Oh, yeah.
Always.
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Yeah, that is – not only do I back them up, but I use other apps as well.
I use Evernote.
I back them up.
Oh, yeah.
Like Evernote and Elephant was one I was using for a while.
It's like same thing.
Like it helps like organize because you can also search like by keyword.
You know, because sometimes – like I've – look, mom brain, you know, is
real.
But I think it's kind of good.
I think it's like a software update.
It's like deleting shit I didn't need to be remembering anyway.
That's a nice way of coping.
You know, like my hippocampus was just full of some – I actually in some ways
feel like
you might be smarter if you forget half the shit you know because half the shit
we learned
has been debunked anyway.
Like half of like science and history like is not even – so me unknowing it
might even
make me smarter.
Andrew Huberman was having a conversation with a professor at Stanford and he
said what
percentage of what's in medical journals and what's taught in school is no
longer applicable.
He said at least 50%.
Unbelievable.
At least 50% of the stuff that they were telling people.
Like look, they just turned the food pyramid upside down yesterday.
The food pyramid, not only did it used to just be like bran muffins, it was
just –
It was rice.
It was like bear claw.
Like what the fuck?
Yeah, you need spaghetti.
That's number one.
Spaghetti-Os is at the base.
That was so crazy.
Ravioli slightly above that.
And remember they just had a fish with like eyeballs?
Oh, yeah.
That's actually probably a good one now.
But at the top now, like the littlest amount of stuff you're supposed to get is
grains and you're supposed to get meat and eggs at the bottom, which was always
– I mean, look, there was a study that was widely criticized fairly recently
that labeled Fruit Loops as being healthier than ground beef.
But who sponsored that study?
That's the thing about all these things.
It's like who are these people and can I see them naked?
Yeah, that's it.
Take your fucking clothes off.
Let me see what you look like.
That's my – same thing about quotes.
You know how like we're in this quote culture where you'll just like – and
you probably don't have this in your algorithm, but it's like inspiring quotes.
And I'm like I need to know who said it.
I need to know who said it.
Well, a lot of times it's fake.
You'll see quotes attributed to Einstein.
Sure.
And then I'll try to find out if it's real and it's not.
Right, right, right.
But it's just sort of like – it's like –
Slightly anti-Semitic quotes.
You know, you're like, hmm.
Hmm.
Oh, and –
Did Aristotle really say this?
Right, right.
The Stoics, yeah.
I don't know, man.
There weren't even Jews back then.
What the fuck is this guy talking about?
I'm going to unfollow Ari Shaffir once and for all.
But it said General Mills on it.
It said GM on the side.
When we were all looking at this pyramid, we knew that General Mills put this
pyramid out.
Right.
And we didn't even think that there was a conflict of interest there.
Well, do you know how the whole Kellogg's, like, cereal thing came about?
The Jerry Seinfeld movie?
No.
Kellogg's.
Yeah.
Do you know, like, why he decided to make, like, these bland cereals?
Why?
To keep people from masturbating.
Sick.
That was the whole idea behind it, to give people bland food
so that they wouldn't get aroused.
Is that what causes erections, asking for a friend?
Yes.
That's the only way.
The only way is spicy food.
Is that how to turn my guy on?
Yeah, spicy food.
Put it on your pussy.
Really?
He's in.
Because I remember the Seinfeld thing was the post.
That was Pop-Tarts.
So, this is how actual cereal was invented?
Cereal.
Breakfast cereal.
Kellogg's breakfast cereal.
Specifically, he was, like, some sort of a weird Puritan.
Let's look it up, because he had some really bizarre ideas.
But the primary idea was that if you feed kids bland food, it would stop them
from being horny.
Kids?
Kids.
Do kids get horny?
I'm sorry.
Oh, hell yeah.
Like 13, 14, 15.
Okay, okay.
Okay, got it, got it.
Teeny boys.
Well, as soon as the hormones start going, I remember being like, where is all
this coming
from, like, you're all of a sudden horny, like, where you were never horny, and
then all of
a sudden, you're 12, and it starts coming on like a storm, and then you're 13,
like,
what the fuck is happening?
And all your female teachers want to fuck you.
Depends on if you live in Florida.
They're all just letting you motorboat them between periods.
I think you made that wrong, Bobby.
Yeah, it is, once you have a kid, like, it really is, I feel so cliche, like,
about the
ways you change once you have a kid.
Everyone warns you, and you're like, okay, okay.
I mean, you really look at every authority figure around kids differently.
Every teacher, every coach, you're just like, what are you, what are you in
this for?
Like, you're not in it for the money.
Right.
You're getting paid nothing.
You don't have kids to go to the school.
Like, what are you up to, dude?
Indoctrinating kids.
Here it is.
Brand flakes.
No, Kellogg's brand flakes were not created to stop kids from getting horny.
But the broader Kellogg's cereal story is tied to some very weird anti-sex
ideas from the
19th and 20th century.
Kellogg's brand flakes were introduced in 1915 as a high-fiber breakfast cereal
marketed as
a health food to aid digestion to promote better-for-you breakfasts.
Where the sex myth comes from.
John Harvey Kellogg, a physician and Seventh-day Adventist, there it is, did
believe that bland,
plain diets, especially cereal and nuts, could help reduce sexual desire and
masturbation.
And he pushed those ideas at his sanitarium.
So what the fuck is the, no, it's a myth?
It's not a myth.
This is his idea.
He believed it and he sold that stuff.
How can they say that's a myth?
Can you imagine how hard the publicists at Kellogg's are working?
Yeah, because-
To make sure that's not on the internet.
That's why it's listed saying that it's a myth.
That's the only reason why perplexity is getting confused, because there's a
bunch of propaganda
saying it's not.
All you have to do is look at the first thing.
John Harvey Kellogg believed that plain, bland diets could help reduce sexual
desire and
masturbation, and he sold plain, bland food.
And back then, cereal was pretty much just for kids.
You can already assume that it's going to be targeted at kids.
These beliefs are most closely associated with early flake cereals, like cornflakes,
and his general biological living health philosophy, not with bran flake
specific, whatever.
So how true is the rumor?
It is fair to say that some of Kellogg's early cereal experiments were
influenced by his belief
that plain foods could encourage sexual restraint.
So it is a good rumor.
So why are they saying that it's not, that it's a myth?
They probably could have typed in bran instead of cornflakes, and it's just-
Oh, bran.
There's four-
Yeah, it was, it was the bland, bland, not, did you think I said bran?
I mean, I typed in bran because-
I meant bland, but bran is like a little bit more flavorful.
I used to really like bran cereal.
I love raisin bran.
It's delicious.
Raisin bran is the bomb diggity.
It's so filling, it's so good.
Especially frosted raisin bran with the sugar.
I would, and we would pour sugar on it too, because we always thought sugar
just gave you cavities.
Nobody thought it was killing you.
Yeah.
So we'd take scoops of sugar and just throw it on those fucking raisin bran
balls.
Dude, frosted flakes was my shit.
Oh, yeah.
I was a big Captain Crunch man myself.
Peanut butter?
Oh, yeah.
Cap'n.
Cap'n.
Yeah.
Cap'n Crunch.
Cap'n Crunch.
We used to mix White Trash Till I Die, Apple Jacks with Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Oh, those are good ones.
Now what, RFK?
Yeah.
Now what?
Yeah, you better let me keep having those.
You know, I don't think you should ban those, man.
I think, like, it's important to have restraint and to have the option to do
something and then-
How about have a little fucking discipline?
Every- That's it.
That's it.
Yeah.
That's it.
How about give me the Froot Loops with the dye?
I want to look at pretty colors.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I want my shit to be neon.
I'm not going to get cancer if I eat one bowl.
Okay?
Shut up.
That's the other thing.
It's like the stress is the worst for us.
So the stress about, like, should I eat it, should I, is worse than just eating
it.
I was just talking to a friend who has suffered multiple heart attacks from
stress.
His doctor says there's nothing wrong with his arteries.
Right.
And he's gotten these heart attacks because literally his body constricts.
He's in, like, a very serious situation, and his body constricts so heavily
that his arteries fucking close up and he has heart attacks.
So what is the difference between, like, because I'm all about, like, good
stress on your body, like, exposing yourself to good stress, and then bad
stress.
Your body knows the difference, right?
Bad stress is going to be, like, the cortisol, and then good stress, that's,
like, adrenaline, right?
Well, adrenaline can fuck you up, too.
I'm hoping you're going to cut me off.
Please cut me off.
Hermetic effect.
So the hermetic effect is, like, there's an argument with certain foods, right?
There's an argument against certain foods, like, that they have phytochemicals
in them.
So what they have is, like, an actual toxin that discourages predation, right?
But some of that is actually has a hermetic effect, and it's actually good for
you.
Like, what's a good one?
Broccoli sprouts.
You know, what does that have?
Phosphorophane.
What is it?
What is the word?
I can't remember the beneficial...
Photosynthesis something.
No, photosynthesis is how they convert sunlight into food.
But, like, when you're doing good stress, like, exercise and...
Sulphurophane?
Is that what it is?
Yeah, I think you just said it as I was...
I think that's the word.
I think it's sulphurophane.
Is that it right there on the screen?
Sulphurophane.
Yeah, sulphurophane.
A plant compound formed when you chew or chop broccoli sprouts, which activates
an enzyme that converts a precursor called glucoraphanin into sulphuraphane.
Broccoli sprouts have far higher levels of glucoraphanin than mature broccoli,
which is why they are such a concentrated source of sulphuraphane.
So you're eating the plant stress.
Well, plants do release chemicals.
You want to hear a crazy one?
This is really nuts.
Plants are intelligent in some sort of a weird way.
And one of the things they found is that if, like, say if a giraffe is eating
certain bushes and they're eating them upwind, and so the wind comes down and
the other plants recognize that they're being consumed, and so they change
their chemical profile to make them disgusting.
Starts tasting bad.
Horses, same thing.
Horses will all be grazing in one place and then they'll just pivot out of
nowhere and you're like, what's going on?
And they'll move to different grass.
Yeah, it's like the grass realizes that it's happening.
Oh, my God, it's a grass apocalypse.
And, like, lets off some kind of, you know, acid or something.
Isn't that nuts?
Wild.
So this is the argument against consuming plants that all the carnivore people
use is that there's these chemicals.
Like, find out what the chemicals they talk about.
What are the chemicals that carnivore diet people think are dangerous from
plants?
Hmm.
And the idea is that plants can't defend themselves.
They're stationary.
And so what they do is they release things that make them disgusting.
Got it.
Makes sense.
It is like, you know, after having, being pregnant, I kind of just surrendered
to being like, what if I just ate what I craved?
Like, let me just let my body wisdom or whatever, like, kind of go, you know.
And it was sourdough bread, not regular bread, just sourdough, which I wonder
if that's allowed on the pyramid.
It's a lot better for you.
Right?
Yeah.
Sourdough bread, eggs, and meat, no salad.
Like, it made me, like, it made me, like, nauseous to, like, even think about
salad.
But maybe that was just my blood type or whatever it was.
My wife was really into frozen pizza rolls.
Those little disgusting things.
I would buy them for her.
I'm like, are you sure?
That is a Texas bitch, like, through and through.
Carnivore diet advocates often argue that many common plant compounds are toxic
or anti-nutrients that harm digestion hormones or nutrient absorption.
Carnivore influence usually group these under umbrella anti-nutrients or plant
defense chemicals.
Oxalates is one for sure.
Oxalates is terrible for you.
But the way to get around that is cooking them.
So, like, this is, like, I used to always drink kale smoothies.
I used to take kale and throw it in there with garlic and ginger and drink a
smoothie every day.
Then you left L.A.
No, I mean, I felt fine doing it.
I never got kidney stones or anything like that.
But then I started reading about oxalates.
And then I had a bunch of people on that told me that you can get kidney stones.
And I did actually get my blood work done, and it was high in oxalates.
But also that's from almonds.
I eat a lot of – I used to eat a lot of almonds.
Lectins, grains, beans, nuts.
There it is.
Promote leaky gut, autoimmunity, and general gut irritation.
Phytates?
What is that?
Phytic acid, grains, legumes, and nuts.
Criticized for binding materials and reducing their absorption.
Tannins or other polyphenols described by some meat advocates as additional
plant defenses that can inhibit nutrient absorption or act as pro-oxidants.
But one of the things that I've heard from people that are pretty knowledgeable
is that the issue might not be the actual plants itself.
It might be pesticides.
That's the other thing.
They say the worst thing you can eat at a restaurant anywhere is salads because
it's just covered in pesticides.
Like, I am washing my fruit and vegetables more than I wash my own body.
See if this is true, because I read this, that 100% of all California wines
tested positive for glyphosate.
And out in Malibu, Raytheon, because there was a Raytheon plant.
Oh, yeah.
Uh-huh.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
And cum, actually.
Rocket dying used to be in my neighborhood.
Wild.
Yeah.
I wonder if I got juiced up.
Remember when I went out and before I had a kid and I was just fighting people
over rescuing giraffes?
I had an instinct to mother, and I was just mothering everything except an
actual baby, including giraffes.
And the wine that was made up there at that place, Malibu Safari, had tested
positive for Raytheon, and people were getting sick.
For Raytheon?
Uh-huh.
How do you test positive for Raytheon?
Like, the Raytheon.
They tested 10, but yes.
Okay, they tested 10, and a 2016 investigation by ABC7 News, Beyond Pesticides,
reported that 10 out of 10 California wines tested positive for glyphosate.
Whoa.
That's nuts.
I'm obsessed with these sort of health and wellness sort of myths, and where do
they, like, wine's good, red wine's good for you.
Like, what alcoholic, like, made that popular?
Remember, it's, like, it's got resveratrol, it's this, it's, like, the amount
you would need to get, the amount of resveratrol that would make a difference
would kill your liver anyway.
But, like, dark chocolate's good for you, like, these things we just, like,
latch on.
I think dark chocolate is good for you, though.
Is it?
Yeah.
I think that's legit.
I don't think wine is necessarily bad for you.
I think alcohol is bad for you.
But I think it also loosens you up and makes you happy, which is better for you
than being sad, depending on where you are, right?
So if you were the group of people, like, you and I and a bunch of friends went
out to dinner, we all had wine, we're laughing our asses off, that would
probably be really good for you.
And it removes a little bit of the ability to, and that was always my thing.
Like, I don't, I'm three, three and a half years off pretty much anything.
I mean, I was pregnant, I have a kid.
Like, you know, I got to be focused.
Like, a toddler is just, like, suicidal.
Like, I'm, you know, but, you know, I think with, at least I'll just be for
myself, my brain, a glass of wine, I'm just able to be present without going,
is this a good joke?
Which I write about.
Like, it just takes off that, like, sort of, like, interior anthropologist
narrative that is, like, I always have to be categorizing things and filing
things as jokes or cross-referencing things and, you know, filing things away
for future stand-up.
That's the thing, right?
It's because you always need new jokes.
It's like you're always farming.
And when you hear something that's, like, oh, that'd be such a good premise, it's,
like, ah, you know, sometimes I'll just, like, do what you do.
I'll put it in notes to just file it away just so that I'm not thinking about
it so much.
That's the only thing that keeps me sane.
Because if I don't do that, if I don't, it's going to get away from me.
Same.
I have to, like, at least my family knows.
Like, sometimes I'll jump up from the dinner table and I have to run away
because I know it's slippery.
I'm like, this idea is slippery.
I'll be right back.
I got an idea.
Let me just write it down.
Let me just write it down.
I have to write it down.
And I come back and I don't tell them the idea because it's usually, they're
like, what?
Yeah, yeah.
Trust me.
It's going to sound bad.
No.
Okay.
Jews do run the meat.
Just let me flesh it out, this idea about Jews and blacks.
But, yeah, as long as I'm able to write it down, then I can be present.
Yeah, then you know you saved it.
Neil Brennan used to say that his joke book was basically like a net for
catching ideas.
Love it.
I have one.
Great idea.
Great premise.
I promise.
I have a joke book.
Like, I'll write it down in my, like, a notebook, but I'll, of course, leave it
somewhere and it just looks like my suicide note.
It's just like words.
It's just like Kegels, you know, episiotomy.
Like, it's just crazy words, but, and that's the other thing that I think
having a kid gave me that I didn't even know was possible, which is what I
thought, like, weed or, you know, a glass of wine or whatever before was.
I've always just been trying to figure out how to get present, like, be in the
present moment, you know, which, by the way, is there a biological basis for
being in the present moment?
Probably, it's probably, you know, was, you know, a detriment back in the day.
You wanted to be, like, two steps ahead or this is what just happened and, like,
eating that berry was bad.
Like, being in the present moment probably got you killed back then, but.
That's what they think ADHD is about.
It's about being a persistent hunter.
We have a problem with the software that we're running and perhaps maybe the
computer, so the last few episodes.
Jamie, please cut my audio.
Reddit will love this episode.
They don't love anything.
Just cut me out of it.
There's a bunch of people I'd like to see naked.
All those negative Reddit commenters, like, you guys need to go outside.
Touch grass, babes.
I look at those guys and I'm always just, guys, girls, whoever, like, I mean, I
go on Reddit.
But, like.
They're non-binary.
All of them.
I always think, like, if we didn't get to do what we do, would we be doing that?
A hundred percent.
I would.
I would say that, like, when people are, like, really mean to celebrities
online and comments,
I'm like, I would do that.
One thousand one million percent.
If I was 16 years old and I had a fucking Twitter account, I'd be trolling
everybody.
And they have a plane?
Yeah.
Yeah, fuck you.
You're just like, hey, asshole.
Oh, yeah, I'd be going after everybody.
I would 100 percent.
That was all.
Especially if I get them to respond.
Right.
I'd be like, woo-wee.
I got them on the hook.
Look at this.
And then, like, Kimmel would, like, read negative comments on his show.
Like, you can get on a show.
Which is, by the way, what's happening with, like, crowd work.
People come to shows now trying to get in a crowd work video.
Just heckling and yelling.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Especially if someone is known for responding to hecklers.
Oh, no.
The first four rows are people that are, like, in hair and makeup.
They have, like, hats on.
Like, their tits are out.
Like, they're ready with.
They're like, hey, bitch.
And I'm like, I'm not filming this show, guys.
Sorry.
People just want to be a part of something.
Do you want to know where I'm from?
It's like, I don't.
I don't care.
I'm in Austin.
I know you live.
I don't give a shit.
Well, that's the weird thing about social media and the Internet in general is
that everyone
has a voice now, which is great.
And it's also terrible.
Yeah.
It's both things.
It's great because some people emerge from that voice.
Just like we were talking about memes.
Some of the hardest laughs that I get during the day are these memes that
anonymous people
have created and someone sends me.
Same.
And I'm like, ah!
Same.
And then I send them to people.
I don't know who the fuck made it.
Can we pause one second again?
It's now not recording the audio, even though we can hear everything.
It just stopped all of a sudden.
Did it record any of what we just said?
Because that was fucking gold.
Oh, it is still going.
It is still going.
That was gold.
I'm going to trust it.
It's just not visually showing up.
We'll trust it.
Oh, boy.
Sorry.
Having a conversation about being in the present moment and being like, wait,
you didn't
record that?
Yeah.
I was being so present.
Damn it.
Now I have to.
It's I think, you know, we're in this weird transitionary period where we have
a new technology
and that allows everyone to have a voice.
And I think overall it's very good because you have more voices and it's just
people have
to discern what's a valuable voice and what's not.
And, you know, that's where I tell people, don't read the fucking comments.
It's not good for you because you're getting too many non-valuable voices.
And if you've done a good job of curating your environment and curating your
friend group,
you've eliminated all these people that are really shitty and bitter and
jealous and nasty
and also like have no ability to look at themselves.
Yeah.
But also like to all my, like I was just did Norman's podcast with Sam Rell and
they were
talking about the comments.
And I was like, guys, like I've said worse things to you than any of these
comments.
Right.
Like we're comics.
We all sit around and are so much meaner to each other than any of these.
Meaner about other comics that aren't there?
Oh, God.
We've done the worst shit ever.
Totally.
It's just sort of like nothing in this comment section is worse than what Tony
Hinchcliffe just
said to me on the phone.
Right.
In a conversation.
And you laughed.
I just talked to Tim Dillon for an hour.
I have no self-esteem left.
This is like a warm hug.
Like my comment section is where I go for compliments at this point.
Sometimes I forget that.
And when I'm hanging out with normies, you know, and I'll just drop a bomb.
Same, same.
I just look at the face like, what the fuck did you say?
I'm like, I thought we were talking shit.
No, I did that yesterday.
I was checking into the hotel and we're in Texas.
My mom's from Texas, whatever.
And this dude that works there was wearing like cowboy boots, like solid cowboy
boots.
And I was like, oh, sick cowboy boots.
I mean, like, they're just high heels for men, but like cool that you guys call
them like cowboy boots.
Right, right.
And he was just like, and I was like, oh, you're going to fight me.
Like, this is not, I can say that to like Tony Hinchcliffe because I'm always
like, oh, you moved to Texas so that you could wear heels.
Like, so you basically wear cowboy boots all the time.
He was going through a period of time where he's wearing nothing but cowboy
hats and cowboy boots on stage.
Dude, and then like a Gucci, like, like track suit.
Like, name a person that knew less about what to do with their money.
Here's the thing he's doing now.
He's wearing vests.
He wears vests all the time.
It's a thousand degrees outside.
Bulletproof vests after the, he was at the Trump rally.
Smart.
So the Puerto Ricans have guns, homie.
The Puerto Ricans love him.
Yeah, they do.
If there's any group of people that are great at talking shit, it's Puerto Ricans.
It's like Jennifer Lopez cut to her like crying because she's like, what are
jokes?
But yeah, I love.
She doesn't count.
So I, have you made your will?
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
So I'm making my will, which as soon as you have a kid, they're like, make a
will or else your craziest family member is going to like get your son, you
know?
And I have him.
And I, am I allowed to make a fun?
I want to make like a funny will.
Like, I want to give Brian Holtzman like a million dollars just to see what he'll
do.
Just to look down from heaven and just see him with like calf.
He probably buys suspenders or something.
Just calf implants.
Like just like seeing what Tony did with his money, like watching all these
comics, like Bobby Lee, he just like shows up in like women's shoes.
Like he'll just be in like, you know, there's like Golden Goose sneakers.
They're like $700.
They're bedazzled.
He wears bedazzled sneakers?
Well, they're like Golden Goose.
Do you know these shoes?
Yeah, I have a pair of Golden Goose.
Yeah, but they're like shimmery with like Leopard.
It's weird because Golden Goose, they come out worn out.
Like you buy, I bought them in Aspen.
Yeah.
You buy them worn out and everybody was really into it.
I'm like, they're already pre-worn.
Like this is weird.
It's like when you did like bought jeans with holes in them.
Right.
Like ahead of time.
I never did that, by the way.
Yeah.
No, that's not.
That's a lie.
I did it for a while and then I was like, what was wrong with me?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then I stopped.
But I like holes in the knees because you can move around more.
Like that's actually useful.
I always cut holes in them.
Oh, you need to buy like stretchy jeans.
You know what?
I did start buying stretchy jeans and this is actually the worst thing I've
done since becoming a mom.
You just become such a dork.
Except your wife.
Your wife is just like, she's like my hero.
I'm like, how do you stay?
Why are you so hot?
Like you're my mom.
You're like allowed to just look like Rachel Maddow, but you do this.
Like I need to get back on the horse because I started buying sweatpants that
look like jeans.
And I'm just like, what am I doing?
Like it's just.
Well, there's a bunch of jeans like that that you can get now.
What are those?
Oh, they're called perfect jeans.
Those are really good.
I got a few pairs of those.
I think that's what they're called, right?
Perfect jeans.
Like stretchy guys.
Yeah, those are great.
Rev Town.
Rev Town makes a great pair.
They're great.
Yeah.
Barbell.
Barbell jeans.
Oh, nice.
They're nice.
Yeah, they're made for people with big thighs.
Yeah.
Because my jeans wear out in the middle because my thighs are always rubbing
together.
Right, right.
Oh, like in the.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's where they tear open.
Yeah, yeah.
They're out.
Yeah, I need to be straight.
I need to.
I can't wear something that I can't kick somebody in.
But also.
Fuck yes.
Oh, fuck.
So good to be in Texas where the real men are.
That's how they think.
My fiance is like.
I was thinking like that always.
All your whole life.
It's so funny.
My fiance is like he's just.
You don't realize until you date a very straight guy that you've only dated gay
guys.
I'm very straight guy.
Like I always was like, oh, good, metrosexual.
Like my dude, my favorite thing to do is ask him what he's thinking about.
Not like what are you thinking about, like hoping it's me or like our wedding
or something.
I'm just like fascinated.
I'm on the edge of my seat.
And it's usually like if I could fight that guy.
Or the Roman Empire.
Yeah.
My God, dude.
Just like jerking off, thinking about tigers tearing apart criminals.
Like what about the Roman Empire exactly?
That's so crazy when you think about it.
I mean, didn't species go extinct?
Because of the Roman Empire?
Because of the Colosseum fights.
I don't believe that's true.
I've never heard that.
When I did like a tour of it, they said that.
But I'm sure they were just trying to.
Yeah.
They're trying to juice you up.
Well, let's find out.
Even if they did, how could they prove it?
I guess it's.
Well, they don't really.
There's a lot of like speculation that's probably erroneous about why certain
animals went extinct,
including woolly mammoths.
Also, there's a lot of animals out there that maybe you guys can't find.
Oh, yeah.
We don't know.
Like, oh, okay.
Not to bring up California, but have you seen this doomsday fish?
What's that?
It's a fish that only appears when an earthquake's about to happen.
Oh, great.
And they're coming up around Monterey in California.
It's like a syringe with fins.
Really?
You know these like fish at the bottom, bottom of the ocean that we have?
Oh, and they're getting away from the bottom because they feel like it's coming?
They're like coming up to the surface or seeing?
I've never heard of this before.
But my brain also goes like, maybe they've been around and you just haven't
seen them.
But.
That's true.
It's not like we have cameras down there 24-7.
At all times.
Yeah.
Coliseum animal fights did not clearly drive any species to global extinction,
but they
did help wipe out or severely reduce some regional populations and subspecies.
Like what?
Yeah.
Beast hunts killed animals on a huge scale.
Ancient sources described thousands of animals killed in single festivals and
tens of thousands
over imperial reigns.
Modern historians argue that this sustained demand contributed to local or
regional disappearances,
especially when combined with hunting, habitat loss, and warfare.
Well, that like just what they did in America with market hunting.
They almost wiped out everything in America because no one had ice, right?
So you had to get meat every day.
So they wiped out almost all deer.
They wiped out elk from elk used to be in all 50 states.
And now they're only in a few.
They wiped out almost all of them.
And this is fascinating to me, just the Roman Coliseum thing, because I think
that my brain
always does whenever it's like, can you believe people in the comments are trashing
Sabrina
Carp or whatever?
It's like, yeah, people used to go watch, you know, people have their limbs
torn apart by
lions and sit there and like cheer and suggest they would yell out how to kill
people like
that, you know?
Oh, yeah.
They would go watch at the town square.
People get hanged.
Like this is right on time.
They'd watch people have sword fights.
This is the most humane version of publicly shaming people we've done thus far.
It's just like, you suck.
Right.
It just hurts your feelings.
Yeah.
Right.
And it only hurts your feelings if you read it.
But I also don't think anyone has only made a comment on Joe Rogan's or only on
mine.
I don't think it's like just personal.
Well, it's probably one schizophrenic person that just concentrates on you.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
I have many of those.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But there's most people are just.
But I don't think they're normal with everyone else.
And then, you know.
Well, that's the argument that some people have that I completely disagree with.
That you should.
It should be your name.
Everyone should know who's posting that.
And that you shouldn't be allowed to post anonymously.
My problem with that is that eliminates all whistleblowing.
Oh, good point.
You know, you're working at some defense contractor.
Yeah.
And you know they're doing something horrible or whatever.
You're working for some oil company.
And you know they're doing something evil.
No.
You can't.
You can't have completely anonymous.
I mean, you can't have only like recognized accounts where you know the exact
person who's
posting things.
Because sometimes you need to have anonymous sources.
But also it's, you know, essentially like I'm always interested in, you know,
finding the
like a quantumist real life version of something digital.
So it's like negative things in the comment section.
That's like being in a football game and someone being like, Tom Brady, you
suck.
Like he obviously doesn't suck.
Right.
It's the same thing.
You're wearing a Patriots jersey.
Like you obviously love him.
You're just like being an idiot.
You know, it's kind of like.
How about UFC fans?
Some of them are the worst.
You're like, he's a pussy.
Is he?
He fights for a living.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
You don't even know.
He fights in his underwear barefoot in a fucking cage for a living and you're
calling
him a pussy.
That's right.
People, I mean, and also think about what it would take for you to stop and
leave a
shitty comment.
You would have to be in such a dark, dark place to like need to just like throw
a stray
at someone.
And like I like to think of it as like a weird service.
And maybe this is just me trying to like sublimate it into something positive
because
like being a female comedian on the internet is like pretty wild.
And it's like I signed up to make people happy or make people laugh or give
people some kind
of escape from their life.
And if you hating me or saying some mean shit gives you like a hit, like great.
I don't think I came into comedy being like everyone has to love me like that.
It's not possible.
Yeah.
People hate Chappelle.
It's literally not possible.
The people I know that take the biggest risks and that, you know, are polarizing.
Like I think the most interesting comics are polarizing.
So if everyone liked me, I'd probably be pretty boring.
Well, there's a few people that don't take risks that are hilarious that aren't
polarizing
at all like Nate Bargatze.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or Gaffigan.
Sebastian.
Sebastian.
But Gaffigan got really polarizing when he went political.
A lot of people got mad at him for that.
That's right.
But I think he was drunk.
Oh, interesting.
He did a...
I'm pretty sure he was drunk.
He likes to throw them back.
Was he doing a line though?
Wasn't he like doing a line?
Or was he doing it live?
Oh, he was on Twitter.
Oh, he was on Twitter.
During the Trump election.
That's right.
I remember.
I remember.
He went crazy and he lost like a giant chunk of fans.
People turned on him.
You know, he's the Hot Pockets guy.
That's right.
And he's like involved in politics.
It's interesting when that kind of...
I think that as a comic, like it's, you know, and you do something sort of
different
here, but I never, you know, to take a side just feels so weird.
It just feels so bizarre because I think it's really our job to be able to
defend the indefensible,
just even as an exercise and to, you know, to be able to deeply believe that
two things
can be true at once.
I think it's the opposite of what Wokies do with animals.
So with Wokies, with animals, they're like, adopt, don't shop.
I think with your ideas, you should shop around.
Don't adopt.
Don't adopt like all the ideas that the left has or all the ideas that the
right has.
Shop around.
Also, breeders are bad.
So rescue a dog from a breeder if you need to.
Right.
Well, some, look, breeders are bad, right?
Okay.
I have the best fucking dog in the world and he came from a breeder.
Some are good.
Some are bad.
Some rescues are good.
Some of the worst people on earth are animal rescue people.
Some of the worst people on earth work in charities, you know?
That's a fact.
That's a fact.
That's a fact.
Did you see the data about the L.A. fire money and where it went?
Holy shit.
Did you see the data of the whole – what was it?
How many billion was supposed to be spent on homelessness removal?
24.
24 billion.
Unaccounted for.
I'm not even mad.
Just tell me where it is.
How do you even hide that much money?
They don't even know.
How do you even hide it?
How do you even hide it?
They literally don't know.
But I want to show you this.
Did I ever send it to you, Jamie?
I know I saved it because it's so crazy.
It was like there was a concert.
It was like –
It was $100 million, but where it went is literally absolutely nuts.
I'm going to find it.
Oh, and Jamie, did you find that doomsday fish?
I just want to make sure.
I saw an article about it from 20 – a couple years ago that said it shows up
on Earthquake.
Doomsday fish.
Doomsday fish?
Yeah.
There was one up in Monterey, they said, that came – I'm obsessed with the
fish that we don't know about.
Okay.
I just sent it to you, Jamie.
So the House Judiciary Committee released a report on the L.A. Fire Aid concert.
Among the findings, Fire Aid was used – I mean, this is going to – I'm
sorry.
It's okay.
I don't know why I'm coughing.
Fire Aid was used for activities such as voter participation initiatives,
podcasts – they give $100,000 to podcasters.
Approximately $550,000 in donations went to organizations involved in political
advocacy.
Well, that's money laundering.
That's just money laundering.
$550,000 out of $100 million.
$250,000 was directed towards programs benefiting undocumented immigrants.
Look at this.
$100,000 to podcasters.
I want to know who the fuck the podcasters were that got $100,000.
Yeah, what are you talking about?
What does that mean?
Did they prevent fires with that money?
$200,000 was used to cover salaries, bonuses.
Imagine you got a bonus because there was a fire.
Consultant fees for nonprofit organizations.
But if it's a nonprofit, why are you giving it money to profit?
And why are you giving them bonuses?
Half a million dollars.
Okay.
Many worthy nonprofits did receive grants that were used to support victims.
This report provides lessons for the distribution of – or the disbursement,
rather, of any remaining Fire Aid funds.
Go down lower because it keeps going.
It's a good racket.
Everyone I know that works with a charity has, like, two houses.
Like, good for them because they don't have to pay taxes either.
There's – sorry, there's more where they laid all this stuff out.
So this is Kevin Kiley who is – what is his – congressman from California.
So he's outlining this because he tried to look it up.
It's fucking crazy.
But, I mean, some of that is fucking criminal.
This one drives me nuts.
Organizations involved in political advocacy.
Half a fucking million dollars.
Why is anyone advocating for politics?
Like, what does that even mean?
It's just stealing money.
That's right.
That's just money laundering.
That's all that is.
That's just stealing money.
Wait, fungus-planting projects.
What?
To plant fungus.
Fungus-planting policy.
What?
Fungus-planting projects.
They're growing mushrooms.
Growing weed.
Yeah.
They're growing mushrooms.
That's right.
They're growing mushrooms.
The best way to keep people from doing this, man.
This is what it is, dude.
It's literally like everyone that's pissed that their house caught on fire,
take these mushrooms.
And you will realize materialism doesn't –
It's all bullshit, man.
Yeah.
You're part of the universe, man.
We're all connected.
Like, if someone else has a house, you have a house, too.
This is the universe telling you to get the fuck out of here.
I mean, it is like a lot to process.
I mean, there's a point where you're kind of like – my brain goes like when
there's nothing you can do about it,
you're like, what do I do?
Like, do I just get mad?
Do I just look away?
Do I become the person that's retweeting shit and just being that person?
Like, you know, the things we have to kind of just decide with our economy of
bandwidth what to be outraged about.
And maybe this is it.
The idea is like we'll throw so much at you that you'll just get exhausted.
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I don't think it's a plan.
I think it's just a function of the whole social media ecosystem.
But also they're like, we know we're going to get away with this.
But they're not because this guy, the congressman is looking it up.
They're definitely going to talk about it.
It's going to be a problem for these people.
It's going to be a problem during re-election, and it's supposed to be.
They're monsters.
These people are evil.
They're really evil.
What they're doing is stealing money from people that decided they were going
to donate money because they thought it was a worthy cause, and it wasn't a
worthy cause.
And also when those fires happened, the idea that it was like donate, it's like,
well, you were just in a fire zone too.
We pay enough taxes in California to not have to have charities to donate to
fire victims.
Right.
Do you know what I mean?
Charities are such a scam because it's like, well, no, this is where our taxes
should be going to stuff.
We shouldn't have to have these charities where people are donating money to
help people.
They don't have money either.
Well, it's a scam when you find out where the money actually goes.
That's when it becomes a scam, when you find out that the vast amount, like if
you have $100 million that gets donated to legitimate charity, it's very likely
that only 30% or less is going to the actual cause.
And that person doesn't pay taxes on top of that because the charity is a tax
write-off.
So my taxes aren't going to pay for that cause, and then you're not paying
taxes anyway, and then I have to give you extra money.
It's just like – it's just such a – the charity culture is just such a
bizarre – does every country have this charity culture?
I don't know.
Well, our charity culture is really weird because of U.S. aid.
Because U.S. aid, everybody thought of as like, oh, it's aid.
We're giving aid to all these other countries.
That's important.
People are going to starve.
Right.
And then you realize like, oh, no, it's not U.S. aid.
It's U.S. agency for international development.
So a lot of it is about overthrowing foreign governments.
A lot of it is about funding these NGOs that are supposedly nonprofit, but
people extract the money out of them.
Like what's your definition of aid?
Money laundering.
Yeah.
A lot of it is money laundering.
Fascinating, dude.
It's so much – Mike Benz is the guy to follow on that, and Mike Benz is like
– he's gone deep, deep into all this shit and uncovered an insane way.
He said that U.S. aid is for things that are too dirty for the CIA.
When it's too dirty for the CIA, they send it off to a non-government
organization.
That's an NGO.
So an NGO can do things that the government can't do legally.
So they'll go and use this money in a way that our government can't do it, but
it's our government's money.
So it's your tax dollars go to do things that the government's not allowed to
do, and the government just does it that way through an NGO.
And people profit massively.
And money is just flowing around, and no one knows where it goes.
Like the $24 billion that went to the homeless problem in California where it
only got worse.
I don't even get how you hide that much money.
I don't even get how you laundered and hide – I mean that's like –
It just shows you how crazy scams are in this country.
We're learning that out about the Somali daycare thing.
Oh, yeah, the Minnesota thing, yeah.
But that's just one part of it.
The Somali daycares in Minnesota is the tip of the iceberg.
California is way bigger.
So people are digging into the problems in California now, and they're saying,
no, no, no.
Whatever you thought the fraud was, there was a guy that was running a bunch of
daycares.
He had no one –
Already a red flag.
In California.
No one at his organization, no kids, pulled up in a fucking Rolls Royce when
they were investigating him.
Of course.
A Rolls Royce.
Of course, of course.
Couldn't even just get a Lexus.
No.
They can't just be cool.
It's like Dane Cook's brother or whatever who stole from him, like pulled up in
like a Bugatti.
It's like you couldn't –
Did he really?
It was like something – I think something crazy.
Like you couldn't have just gotten an Acura.
That's when he found out that his brother was stealing from him?
I think it was like a car that pulled up.
It's like I know what I –
I know what car that sunk Dane Cook's brother.
By the way, he got out of jail, and the money's still missing.
Stop.
Yeah.
There was a ton of money that they never recovered.
He might have hid it in a coffee can in Nebraska somewhere.
There's some real rich hookers in Pensacola, I'll tell you what.
He might have blown through all of it, but I'm pretty sure – I mean, you'd
have to ask Dane.
Yeah.
But I'm pretty sure that a lot of the money was unrecovered.
He donated it to the L.A. fire victims.
Yeah.
It's like people that steal like that, like it's like, for what I understand,
it's like kind of a gambling addiction too.
It's like I got away with this.
Like you get this invincibility complex of like now I can get away with this.
And then you just get in over your head and you show up one day in a fucking,
you know, Ferrari.
And everyone's like, huh?
Did you ever see that documentary, The 7-5?
No.
The 7-5 is all about the 75th precinct in New York and how corrupt it was.
It's a really good documentary.
I had the guy who was the main guy, Michael Dowd, who was a corrupt cop.
Love it.
I had him on the podcast.
Love it.
And he explained it.
He said the first day of – I mean, if you watch the documentary, first day
working, they threw a guy out a building and killed him.
And he was like, shut the fuck up.
Like, you know, you know what you saw.
Now, you didn't see shit, right?
And they're like, yeah, I didn't see shit.
Like they killed a guy on his first day on the job.
And he's like, okay, this is I guess what we do.
And so he was selling drugs, robbing drug dealers, and showed up at work with a
Corvette in a brand-new badass Corvette.
Keep the Corvette under a blanket and just drive a Honda to work.
Like you could have gotten away with this forever.
Get an old pickup truck, stupid.
I love that shit, dude.
I fucking love it so much.
This guy shows up at his fucking daycare in a Rolls Royce.
It was like the Wild Wild Country guy.
He could have gotten away with that forever, but it was like the 56, like, bedazzled
Rolls Royce.
I was like, I don't know, man.
Yeah.
Yeah, he had a bunch of Rolls Royces.
But God told me I should have these.
Like, huh?
I don't know.
But the people are retarded.
That is one of the greatest things ever.
By the people, for the people, and the paws.
Dude.
But the people are retarded.
Tough titties.
So it's for the retarded.
So look at this.
42.1 million.
This is the guy.
He's trying to cover the car with his body?
Pull back and let's hear what he says in the beginning of this.
I mean, with all that money, maybe buy some Ozempic, too, homie.
Like, he's eating good.
Let me hear what he says.
Ever since Nick Shirley has done his reporting in Minnesota, we have Iranian
daycare centers in California.
Over here we have 1412 South Crescent Heights Creative Children Academy.
Nobody has come in or out of this facility in nine months.
Every window is just boarded up.
Yeah, because no one in L.A. has kids.
Look at this Rolls Royce.
Where's the money, Jam Sheet?
The way the door opens is so fun.
Where'd you get this car from?
Why the property?
Yeah, did you win the law?
That's assault.
Don't touch me.
This looks fake.
It really does.
It looks fake as shit.
It looks fake as shit.
This looks, like, completely staged.
Just the way he walks up and grabs the car.
When you saw people with cameras and you've got a convertible Rolls Royce
parked.
You would turn around, I think.
You would just turn around.
It's just too convenient.
There's no one there.
Why is he there with the car?
He parks right out front.
That looks fake.
Yeah, I think it's fake.
He's not wearing any brands.
That's usually a thing, too.
It's also, there's something in my mind registered his face when he started
talking.
Wait a minute.
Is that the guy?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's 100%.
So it's fake.
So that was, like, a staged reenactment or something?
Yeah, it's horseshit.
This is, like, when I repost videos where people have, like, seven fingers.
It's just bad acting.
I saw his face.
I saw his face.
I'm, like, this guy's a bad actor.
This is, like, a Hallmark special.
Well, when he took off the golf hat, like, douchebag or Vance, like, before to
start his thing.
That's just engagement.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why are you wearing a suit?
Why are you wearing a suit?
Meanwhile, people are sending that to me like it's real.
There it is.
I don't think.
Yeah.
But it's basically.
They want it to be real.
Yeah.
And by the way, you get to a point with real and fake where you're just, like,
it might as well be.
You know?
It might as well be.
But that guy, you could tell his face was fake.
He's like, what?
Yeah, it was.
How'd you get me?
Yeah.
Get on.
This is private property.
The push was a little bitch for someone who was about to lose everything.
Like, the camera work was pretty good, too.
It's just.
He's just being silly.
Yeah, yeah.
But there's always.
There's a lot of that, too.
That's a problem.
It's just, like, we live in a strange world.
And no one investigated where all this money was going in the past.
No one investigated.
You couldn't.
How could you?
One of the things that Elon said to me, he said, Medicaid fraud is the biggest
amount of money that's fraudulent in this country.
And he didn't want to even talk about it because he was worried that people
would kill him.
That's what he said on the podcast.
He goes, I could go into this, but they'll kill me.
That's like someone saying they have something they didn't have to get the
catastrophe insurance thing.
Because, like, I had a.
There's a lot of that.
Yeah.
Like, my dad had a stroke and you get, like, it was stolen by a family member.
The fraud is within my family.
But.
Really?
That, yeah, that you get, like, 20 grand.
Medicaid Part B, I want to say.
If you have, like, a stroke, it's called a catastrophic event.
They'll just, like, give you, like, 20 grand or something.
Is it, like, that you, like, fake that or something and then get that money
type of thing?
Oy.
Is that, like, what Medicaid?
Is it to fake a stroke?
No.
What it is is, well, here's the daycare thing.
Like, that's part of it.
You know, and then there's a bunch of people that don't exist that are getting
Medicaid money.
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
And then there's autism diagnoses, right?
So, they self-diagnose as autism.
They open up an autism center.
They have a bunch of kids in the autism center.
They get money for those kids.
There's no autism.
There's no kids.
It's all fake.
Right, right, right, right, right, right.
There's also, like, there's these fake scams where there was one that they
uncovered in Minnesota
where they were supposedly feeding an exorbitant amount of children and there
was no kids.
No one was going there.
But they were saying they were feeding, like, 5,000 people a day.
Sure.
They didn't even have the capacity to feed 5,000 people a day.
There was no food coming in there.
But, you know, the thing is, the politicians, the politicians were getting so
much money from these people.
Right.
Just from the Somali community that owned daycare centers.
The Minnesota politicians were getting $35 million last year.
Is that, is Tim Walz to blame for that?
I don't know.
Well, he just stepped down from his re-election.
That's not good.
That's not good.
When you were almost the vice president of the United States.
You know how many people came at me?
People that I'm, like, thought I was friends with, like acquaintances more
maybe, but I now realize they were acquaintances.
When I made fun of Tim Walz for going to China so many times.
Which, let me not get this wrong.
It's definitely more than 10.
More than 10 or something.
That Tim Walz just, like, went to China to go.
Like, which is, you know, if you're going to have gone to China that many times
and then run to be the vice president, why wouldn't you, why would you hide it?
Number one, why wouldn't you lead with it as, like, this is one of our enemies.
I've been.
I know the language.
Like, why wouldn't you either lean into it, make it, I'm an expert on it, and
this is one of our big issues.
Like, the fact that we all pretended that he wasn't going to China.
First of all, on what salary are you going to China every year?
Was he a politician when he was doing this?
What's your miles program?
Well, I could see if you were a businessman.
He was a teacher.
He was a teacher.
He was going with kids.
He was taking kids to China.
But, I mean, doesn't that make sense, though?
That you're taking kids on an international trip so they can learn about the
world?
Only China.
Maybe that's his area of expertise.
I'm trying to, like.
But why not lead with it?
I'm trying to steel man it.
I know, me too.
I do the same where I'm, like, why doesn't he open with it?
I've been to China 35 times.
I took kids there so they could learn Mandarin because they're going to have to
interface with China later during business.
Like, it was just, like, this thing where it's when someone else tries to hide
something, something that I wouldn't have thought was untoward.
I'm, like, well, hold on.
Now it's weird.
Right.
And why can't I ask a question about it?
Whenever I would say, how many times did you go to China?
Everyone's, like, what?
What?
And I'm, like.
Well, here's the crazy one.
When all the Somali daycare center came out, he started blaming white men for
all the crime.
Sure.
What about white men?
Well, he's white men with all the crime.
He's trying this.
He's like, what about me?
The woke playbook.
What about me?
I'm the criminal.
I'm a white guy.
That's really what he's saying.
He's telling on himself right then and there.
I mean, he was basically trying to say that it's racist.
But it's not.
Facts aren't racist.
It's just clever.
Just if they did it themselves.
You know?
If they did it themselves, if they were the ones that were perpetrating the
fraud.
Sure.
The real problem is, if they didn't do it themselves, who helped them fill out
all those forms?
Who helped them organize this?
And is this a money laundering thing?
Sure.
And are they filtering this money into other people's accounts?
Are they filtering into offshore accounts?
Because supposedly, here's another one.
Supposedly, they were sending money, like, on a regular basis back to Somalia.
And they were catching them at TSA in Minnesota.
Sure.
See if that's true, Jamie.
It's a lot.
It's a lot.
You guys.
I mean, it's, you know, I guess also the other question is, when all this is
going on, I'm
like, do I focus on this?
Or, like, are we going to war?
Like, you know.
Well, you can only focus on so much.
I know.
Because that's the thing about the internet.
If you want to get outraged, it's there to feed you.
Yeah, totally.
All day long.
And then once you click on something, they're just going to keep feeding you
more and more
of that.
And I'm sort of like, is this as big of a story as my algorithm is telling me
it is?
Because I remember, you know, and this is, I think, why it's, like, more
important than
ever to be on stage as much as possible to just corroborate, like, a premise to
make
sure that everyone even is aware of it, given our little echo chambers and
stuff.
But remember when Kamala Harris was, like, giving speeches that it kind of
seemed like she
was shit-faced?
Like, it just, it sort of seemed like she was, like, slurring words or
something.
Those were, you know, that would come in.
I was, like, doing this joke about it before the election that was, like, you
know, like,
maybe this is what we need.
Like, what's scarier than a, you know, alcoholic woman with no kids?
You know?
Like, she could just be calling up, like, Putin in the middle of the night,
like, hey,
fuck it!
Like, she's just, you know.
And I was doing it.
It was doing well.
Everyone got it.
And then I was somewhere in, like, New York City, I think it was, doing it.
And no one had seen that video.
People were like, what are you talking?
No one had seen, had any awareness of that.
And I was, it was kind of bone-chilling.
Because I'm, like, eat.
Well, she's probably exhausted, right?
Of course.
Here's the other thing.
You're running around.
You're doing so much.
You're campaigning.
You're constantly doing it.
If you catch me and I'm really tired, I sound like I'm on pills.
Yeah.
Like, yeah, I don't fucking know.
And then you're probably a little casual about everything because you're doing
something.
You're repeating the same things over and over again.
Yeah.
You're going to these places.
You're fucking completely exhausted.
Or you're coming off of whatever they put you on.
Totally.
Get you up.
Yeah.
Adrenaline and, you know.
It's also, I think that they're used to, there's this old way of doing things
where you could
say the same thing on every platform and no one would cut it all together.
Yes.
You know?
That's it.
Okay, here it is.
I found it.
I'm going to send this to you, Jamie.
Because this is apparently a legitimate source.
I'm looking up the main source they said they got it from.
It said, Homeland Security officials told us a source called Just the News.
So I've never, I'm just looking up.
Well, this is the TSA.
Yeah, that's what it says.
Yeah.
Federal probe, hundreds of millions of dollars inspected, small cash, and
living in Minneapolis
airport.
It says that this is the source of the story.
So I was just trying to find out what they were told.
For sure that money didn't just stay in the community, especially if they didn't
have the
ability to organize this and develop this scam.
Someone else helped them, and those people were getting money from it.
So how were they getting the money?
Were they getting the money in cash?
Was it being sent and wired to offshore accounts?
Like, how are they doing it?
It's clear that there's so much money missing.
It's in the billions now.
It's bigger than the entire GDP of Somalia, just from Minnesota, allegedly.
Wild.
The entire GDP of a country.
One state's fraud is supposedly over the course of, you know, X amount of days
that they did
this.
And is it true that the guy that uncovered it was kind of like some guy?
This Nick Shirley kid?
Yeah, this internet.
Young kid, yeah.
Good for him.
But I mean, there's the other question.
Like, did someone direct him towards this?
Is this like, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah.
Like, is this like, did the Republicans set this up to try to expose it?
Yeah.
Is it him just being an independent journalist?
He seems like a very smart kid.
I've seen him.
He was on Patrick Bette David's show.
Yeah.
He's a virgin.
Why do we, why do we, why did he, why do we know that?
Because he was religious.
Talks about it.
He talked about it.
He said he was a virgin.
He said they can't get him on anything.
He can't get me on sexual assault.
I'm a virgin.
You can't get me on anything.
We can get you on being a virgin, you weirdo.
Transportation Security Administration flagged nearly $700 million in cash
detected in
passengers' luggage leaving the Minneapolis airport in the last two years.
That's crazy.
That's probably it, yeah.
That's crazy.
A massive cash exodus believed to be tied to Somali immigrants and their money
couriers.
Homeland security officials told just the news.
So who's the homeland security official though?
You know what I mean?
I was reading through it.
That first statement doesn't say like all, all flat.
It's, sorry, let me start this over.
Some of these were a million dollars and it says that they were legally
declared every time
they did it.
Right, but you could legally declare it if it was cleared by whoever the fuck
is involved
in this fraud, right?
So if you're donating $35 million last year, just last year in 2025 to
Democratic politicians
from these Somali daycares, which I believe is true.
That's how I was trying to look that up.
I couldn't find out.
Bundles of cash and luggage, some as much as a million dollars in a single trip
raised suspicions.
I was taking each statement as, it doesn't say that those were each, like that
particular
one was a Somali person.
That could have been someone going to Vegas, could have been someone going to
buy a house.
I don't know, like I'm saying all $335 million.
Nobody buys a house with a million dollars in cash.
I'm not saying they did, I'm just saying, but it could have been anybody.
It could have been buying a Bugatti.
It could have been a poker player going to a World Series of Poker, you know.
Dan Cook's brother.
I'm just sort of saying to be, I don't know.
Tony Hinchcliffe going to the cowboy boot store.
It's conflating a bunch of stuff together.
It could have been every single-
What is justthenews.com?
Is that a legitimate organization?
I pulled it up.
Is that a far right organization?
Let's look at their side articles and we'll get a view of what their
perspective is.
Is that what you do?
Look at the trending ones?
Make that a little larger.
Let's see what the-
Trump orders government to buy $200 billion in mortgage bonds to lower rates.
That's pro-right wing.
CDC misled the public with study implying COVID vaccines save healthy kids.
UCLA expert warns.
Also right wing.
USC's is another sanctioned oil tanker in the Caribbean.
Sanctioned oil tanker.
Not just oil tanker.
They were sanctioned.
Right wing.
Maduro's ouster leaves China holding the bag on oil investments.
Right wing.
Right?
Also, what's in UCLA expert?
You mean doctor?
You saw the top one, Comrade, no, no, no, larger, Comrade, Singham to face
House subpoena as a CCP-tied network reveals, or leads rather, renewed anti-ice
protests.
So it seems like this is a very right wing, is just the news, seems like at
least, see, just the news, no noise.
Yeah, House in-house fails to override Trump's veto.
It's like-
This statement where it just said Minnesota travelers alone.
I was like, well, that could be anybody from Minnesota then.
Minneapolis travelers alone had $342.37 million in their luggage in 2024.
That's a lot of money.
Okay, let's find this out.
So Minnesota travelers alone had $342.37 million in their luggage in 2024.
So let's put into perplexity, how much money did California travelers have in
their luggage in 2024?
How many Bitcoin did California travelers have in their assholes?
California travelers have in their luggage in 2024.
But who puts the-
At the TSA.
At TSA.
Does anyone ever measure your money when you go through or count it?
No.
You're supposed to declare, I think, if you have more than 10 grand.
But we lied.
Right.
Everyone lies.
I know, I know, I know.
That's true.
That's what they said.
These were all, you know-
But if I went through with $1,000, they never would know, or is it-
So the amount cannot be determined from available data.
TSA and regulated agencies track only limited categories, such as unclaimed
money at checkpoints,
or certain cash seizures.
And these figures are nationwide rather than specific to California travelers
or all money
carried in their luggage.
Okay.
Hmm.
So how do they know that about Minnesota?
That's right.
It's coming from one source.
And that's why I was like, why did they only tell one source?
Why wouldn't they have told all that?
Like, why wouldn't they call Fox?
Why wouldn't they call CNN?
Why wouldn't they call everybody?
So it's this one very right-leaning website, right?
It appears right-leaning.
How do they ascertain cash someone's carrying through a-
The Tennessee Star has it as well.
They were just reporting the same article.
From just the news.
Yeah.
Right.
So that's another way that you can distribute propaganda.
You have one source and then you send that source out and a bunch of other
people repeat
it and said, as reported by this one website.
And that one website might be bullshit.
I also like to look at the ads that are on the surrounding-
Bullets.
The article.
Exactly.
If it's like gun safe, I'm like, this is right wing.
If it's like tampons for men, I'm like, I think this is a left wing one.
Okay, got it.
That always kind of helps.
That's wild.
I have a family member who works in like kind of banking and I'm like, what's
up with this oil?
What's up with the China buying up all the silver?
What are we doing?
Did you see the doomsday plane?
What's the doomsday plane?
The doomsday plane that, I mean, could just be a sign up, but it's the doomsday
plane.
I think it went to California.
The one that is in case of a nuclear event, it can hold, stay in the sky for a
couple days
and self-refuel.
Oh, it's made my nipples hard just looking at it.
It's gorgeous.
Doomsday plane?
Jamie, can you pull up this doomsday plane so people listening don't think I'm
Roseanne?
Okay.
Trump's doomsday E-4B plane sighted in Washington.
And Los Angeles days after Maduro captured.
But get that pretty picture up of it.
I mean, that looks just-
That's a terrible picture.
Yeah, that just looks like a-
How is that the only picture?
Yeah, that looks like a-
Well, that's them sighting it.
But go back to the art-
Oh, look at this thing.
Hmm.
That's the doomsday plane?
I don't know if it's that.
Isn't that the top one?
They're all different.
With the blue stripe?
That's-
Wait a minute.
They're all different.
This is when they're selling it from Northop Grumman, so anybody can buy it.
And then you get it on America's logos on it.
Right, but it's also different in the way it's built.
Look at the top of it.
Is that the escape pod at the very top where they pop off and go to Mars?
It's similar.
Inside the doomsday plane.
Okay, so go back to the article.
What is the-
Well, we'll put it into perplexity.
What is the capacity of the United States doomsday E-4B plane?
Like, what does it do?
It can, like, stay in the air for a couple days.
It can refuel itself.
What is the capacity of the doomsday plane the United States has?
It's chock full of cocaine, ketamine.
Elon made sure it's got-
Mushrooms, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
And accommodate a little over 100 people with typical published figures ranging
from about 108 mission crew up to roughly 111 to 112 total passengers, total
personnel, including flight crew and staff, and official media descriptions,
usually summarized as seating for around 110 people.
What can it do?
Okay, endurance.
Look at that.
What's the maximum endurance?
Click on that.
No, this thing is like a beast.
Okay.
You're going to give us one answer at a time.
It can stay aloft for 150 hours.
Oh, that's it?
Mm-hmm.
That's not much.
With sources describing capabilities from roughly 72 hours up to about a week
in sustained operations.
Oh.
So it can fly for a week.
Mm-hmm.
That's crazy.
Because it can self-fuel.
It can fuel in the air.
Keep it up, please, and then how long can it stay with aerial refueling?
Because this is what I think you were getting at.
Yeah.
It can theoretically remain airborne for several days, limited mainly by crew
fatigue and maintenance needs rather than fuel.
Multiple sources describe realistic endurance of roughly three to seven days of
continuous flight under sustained operations when supported by tankers and
rotation of crew.
So here's the thing.
If it is a doomsday scenario and you're up in the air for five days, that just
means you're going to die in five days.
That's right.
What's the—
Or do you just pull this out as a message to everybody, you know, because you
would only need this if there was a nuclear event, right?
Right.
So it's the idea to just go like, hey, what just happened in, you know,
Venezuela?
Just so you guys know we're flying this thing around.
Yeah.
You know?
I guess.
When's the last time it flew?
When's the last time it made a cameo?
Also, I don't—I mean, I know we were texting about the Delta extraction and,
like, I would never want to—I mean, watching the video of the Delta
extraction, how they—of Maduro, they built, like, a replica of the building
and were blindfolded, like, going through it, you know, practicing it and stuff.
But it—I was talking to your guy when we were coming over.
It could have been pre-negotiated, right?
There is a chance that that could have been pre-negotiated.
They killed 80 of his security team.
Okay, never mind.
I don't think it was negotiated.
Yeah, no, probably not.
Here's one funny one.
But it is weird that his wife was—I guess that was, like, a thing a couple
people flagged.
What, that they kidnapped her?
Just that she was there and involved, yeah.
Well, she's his wife.
Yeah.
One of the funny ones was somebody posted on Twitter a photograph of this woman
and her children, and the journalist said this woman and her children, her
husband and their father was killed in the U.S. raid in Venezuela.
And then everybody was like, right.
What was he there for?
What was he doing there?
Right.
Was he a fucking mercenary?
Like, what was he doing?
Hmm.
You know?
He was Cuban, apparently, because there was a lot of Cuban defense that they
used, that Maduro used, for whatever reason.
I guess communists love each other.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They hang out with each other, other dictators, like, hey, let me borrow some
of you guys.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, I mean, the guy might have been a mercenary.
There was certainly mercenaries working for him.
I mean, he had 80 people died that were there protecting him.
This fucking stormed in.
They didn't lose a single U.S. service member.
So sick.
Crazy.
I mean, just, like, flawless.
Other dictators have got to be like, fuck.
Yeah.
I didn't know they could do that.
I mean, is that why Iran, was that why Iran was like, now's the time?
Well, the people are cracking down.
The people are out in the streets now, but now, apparently, the Islamic regime
is assassinating people that are protesting now.
Of course.
And your boy, this is where Elon really shines.
Like, you know, bringing Starlink over to a country that has cut off Wi-Fi.
Right.
Right.
Because that's what they do.
They cut off Wi-Fi so these people can't organize.
I think it's also been cut off for them.
I mean, I don't think they've had a limited version of it for so long.
Well, they definitely kill people who protest.
They killed a gold medalist in the Olympics.
They killed a guy who was a wrestler, gold medalist, because the UFC tried to
get involved and keep this guy from being assassinated.
They killed them.
You've seen, like, pictures.
Or executed, I should say.
And, like, video of Iran in, like, the 70s and stuff.
Oh, yeah.
Crazy.
Yeah, we did that.
Yeah, we did that because they wanted to nationalize their oil.
We were like, nah, playa.
Nah, nah.
Oh, hell nah, brah.
Yeah.
They had a democratic society.
It is entirely because of the intelligence agencies.
We went over there and, you know, you can find the story.
Find the story so I don't butcher it.
But, essentially, the Shah was like, hey, why is the British Petroleum Company
or whatever it was, why are they making all the money?
We'll nationalize our oil.
And he was gone, you know, within days.
And they put in the Islamic regime, and it has been a religious state ever
since then.
I mean, that's our doing.
Or the British oil company and us, multiple different people.
And, essentially, it was all just about his oil.
Or the country's oil, rather.
But Maduro, like, he was going to be torn limb to limb at some point, right?
Well, he had a bounty on him by the Biden administration.
This is one thing that people need to understand.
It wasn't just the Trump administration.
The Hunter Biden?
That's who to send in.
He had his own administration.
He's smoking crack.
Kill him!
He's ruining my crack!
No, the Biden administration had a bounty on Maduro.
They had, I believe it was $20 million or $22 million, trying to get people off
that guy.
So, it wasn't like we're the only ones that think he was a bad guy.
They were trying to use money to get people to kill that guy.
And, besides the oil of it all, like, were they going to allow China and Russia
to put, like, use it, like, to put missiles there?
China was there negotiating with Maduro the day the U.S. came and kidnapped him.
Bad move, homie!
They came in that day and were having meetings with Maduro, and that night they
snatched him out of his bed.
You think to get oil or to put nuclear sites?
100% to get oil.
Yeah.
They want that oil.
Everybody wants that oil.
It's so funny, like, when I'm, you know, having a kid, you know, the way that
it changes you, but, like, the things you focus on, the things you're obsessed
with that keep you up at night.
Like, before I had a kid, it was like, is he going to text me back?
Now I'm, like, obsessed with, like, finite resources.
I'm like, where's all the helium?
Like, we're running out of helium.
Like, where's the oil?
What's helium for, besides balloons?
Hilarious.
Yeah.
I won't be able to have a birthday party for my son.
It's...
What are clowns going to do?
No, it's for ventilators, although I think we found that ventilators actually
harmed people.
But I think it's, like, ventilators and medical stuff.
Like, you know, helium is finite.
Like, there's only a certain amount, and we kind of just use it for, like, the
Macy's Day Parade for, like, floats and shit.
But I think that there is actually a lot of helium in Texas, maybe Oklahoma,
and then Qatar is, like, the other place that we have it.
But we have a limited supply of helium.
I never even thought about helium before, except the comedy clubs.
Don't get me started on...
Oh, shout-out to Philly.
Yeah, helium.
Great fucking club.
Philly, awesome club.
Also, um, sand, I think...
Jamie, what's the story behind Iran and the nationalization of their oil?
Well, that's, I mean, that's a longer story.
Right.
Back to the 50s and 70s.
Right.
But when we did it, because we definitely were involved, the U.S. was involved
in overthrowing the legitimate government of Iran.
Oh, yeah.
And putting the Ayatollah in.
And then they ruined the entire country, because Iranian women are fucking hot.
They're beautiful.
And smart as shit.
I truly...
Oh, yeah.
My OB, who, like, saved me and my son's life during childbirth, like, just
Iranian bitches do not play around.
They make great wrestlers, too.
Do they?
The United States initially tried to mediate between Britain and Iran during
the 1951 nationalization crisis, but then moved to help overturn Iran's elected
government to reverse the consequences of the nationalization.
It's all about oil.
1953, U.S. officials helped organize the coup that removed Prime Minister Mohamed,
how do you say that word, Masadegh, Masadegh, I don't know how to say that word.
I'm going to leave you out on a cliff on this one.
Whose rise had been closely tied to the nationalization of Iranian oil in March
1951, Iran's parliament voted to nationalize the assets of British-owned Anglo-Iranian
oil company, responding to longstanding grievances over low royalties and
foreign control.
That's it.
Nationalist leader became prime minister soon after and made implementation of
nationalization central to his program.
So, under President Truman, the U.S. generally opposed the idea of full
nationalization in principle, but didn't want Iran pushed to the collapse or
moved toward the Soviet Union.
Washington sent envoys such as—so they wanted to keep it away from the Soviet
Union, so they turned it into an Islamic regime.
Sure.
George McGee and W. Averill Harriman to seek a compromise that would preserve
Western access to oil while accepting some changes to the existing concession.
Okay.
Couped reversal in 51—53 under President Eisenhower, U.S. Central
Intelligence Agency working—there it is—working with Britain's MI6, carried
out Operation Ajax, covert operation to overthrow Mas—whatever you say his
name is, Masadeg?
Masadeg, yeah.
And strengthened the shahs rule, the coup removed the government most
associated with oil nationalization and paved the way in 1954 for an
international oil consortium in which five major U.S. oil companies, along with
British and other firms, gained significant stakes in Iranian oil, ending
exclusive British control.
That's it.
We did it.
So fascinated by—
We ruined it.
There was this TV show on, I think, National Geographic, I want to say, called
A Little Light or A Small Light that was about, like, what was going on with,
you know, in the Holocaust.
Like, it was slow.
It was slow.
It wasn't just, like, one day they just got—you know, it was like they, you
know, slowly started, you know, seizing art and then, you know, not letting
them get jobs.
Like, how these gradual things happen, like, to go from the 70s of, like, the
women out in bathing suits on the—to, like, there's women that were, you know,
that had enjoyed the freedom and then all of a sudden had to—like, it's just
so fascinating that, like, how gradual it is.
Oh, yeah.
And how you get desensitized, how you make—
It's a frog in boiling water.
That's it.
Yeah.
That's it.
They don't realize they're boiling until it's too late.
Or you do know what's happening.
And that's what's happening right now in New York City.
But he said he would stop the carriage horses, so I'm all for it.
I'm kind of down with that.
Yeah, me too.
I think that's fucked up.
That's disgusting.
Those horses do not need to be wandering around New York City sniffing fucking
brake dust.
It's disgusting.
Carrying assholes around.
It's disgusting.
I mean, it's—you know, you know me and my, like, horse thing.
But it's so disgusting.
And, you know, the amount—it's like nobody knows how many elephants kill
their trainers a year and how many—you know, all kinds of—we saw the orca
kill the trainer, you know, but stuff like that happens so often.
And then they just cover it up.
But the amount of carriage horses, a couple of them got out.
And we've seen them get out.
And we've seen them collapse and all this horrific stuff.
And something else is going on with it, which is—and look, I'm the first
person to say, like, New York was really safe when the mafia was, you know,
kind of like there's a documentary about how they would sort of protect people
in the subways.
And you sort of would fill in where the government couldn't.
But there's something going on with the horse carriage business.
A horse got out who was 29 years old.
Archie was his name.
29?
29.
Old for a horse?
Yeah.
It only had a couple more years.
And I tried to negotiate with them, got a bunch of friends that have, like, F.U.
money, and basically said, you're going to get $38,000 cash.
This is a horse that's pretty much done.
Right.
Cash.
We'll take the horse in the middle of the night.
No social media, nothing.
And they said no.
The amount of money they're making is so insane.
From horse-drawn carriages?
It's mostly tourists, honestly.
They make that much money from horse-drawn carriages?
Tons.
Tons.
From other countries of people that have different ideas of respect towards
animals than we do.
Oh, so it's mostly foreigners riding in the horse-drawn carriages?
I don't think it's—
I've seen a lot of white people in those.
Oh, really?
Well, Polish people can be white.
A lot of silly, goofy fucks.
Yeah, maybe that.
Oh, we're in a horse.
It's so romantic.
We're out in the air and clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop.
It'd be so much sicker—I pitched them, like, do robot horses, like, sick—dinosaurers.
Do, like, a dinosaur trolley ride or something around the city.
That'd be so much—
Jamie, I sent you that thing about the lady that's now in charge of housing in
New York.
This is wild.
This one's wild.
She wants to, like, kill real estate value.
That's her idea.
Like, she wants to—literally, to make housing more affordable.
She wants to kill real estate value.
It's an inelastic good.
You can't—
Well, she's—it's moronic thinking.
Oh, this woman.
Listen to this lady.
Listen to this.
And she has, like, a million-dollar house?
Her mom does.
Oh.
Well, of course.
In which a housing is owned by a collective, and people are paying 40% of their
income in
order to live in their housing.
If your income is zero, you pay zero.
If your income is $500,000 a year, you're paying 30% of that.
And the government is providing the sort of—the government is the sort of
owner, or not even
the owner.
The government doesn't have to be the owner, but the government is what's
making sure all
of that sort of works in cash flows.
The debt-to-GDP ratio right now is the highest since World War II.
So how can the federal government also afford to start subsidizing rental
housing costs?
The federal government prints money.
The federal government can provide money for those.
So it's by printing money.
Sure.
That's her idea.
Print money.
The federal government print money to provide housing, jack up interest rates,
jack up the
fucking debt, print money to provide housing, and everyone pays 30% for housing.
First of all, why are you talking to me in a hoodie?
What—like, what mental illness is that?
Like, how dare you?
Look at her face.
First of all, you look like powder.
You look like—yeah, like, first of all—
The movie powder with her eyebrows.
First of all, get a blowout.
Throw some mascara.
Like, we're—are we professionals anymore?
You're in a Costco hoodie and a T-shirt?
Like, what are we doing?
Well, you've seen—they've confronted her about these ideas, and she breaks
down crying.
But she didn't even know what she was saying.
She was like, well, sort of—like, she was kind of—
Well, we won't own it.
Her training was UCB.
Like, she's just improvising an idea.
No, the government does that.
She's not even making eye contact.
Like, damn.
Well, a lot of these Wokies, they come from rich families.
They feel bad about being privileged.
And one specifically thing she said that was going to really impact white
people.
What is fascinating about that is that because I think she believes she's
coming from the
moral high ground, I think this is what's really sort of—but as someone who I
feel like
is similar to you, and then I'm like, I was as liberal—I had blue hair, you
guys.
Yeah, I remember when you had blue hair.
I rescue pit bulls.
Like, it doesn't get any more liberal than me.
Like, it doesn't get any more—but the whole idea with being liberal is like,
you had me
at—we're not racist.
Everyone's equal.
Right.
But, you know, diversity—but then it turns into diversity.
Communism.
Diversity, but not diversity of thought.
Right.
Not—right?
The hypocrisy of it got—and I think that as comics, we're people who, you
know, I may
not be an expert in politics, but I'm an expert on hypocrisy.
When you grow up around alcoholics who say, I love you, and then their behavior's
in Congress,
you study—you look for patterns of hypocrisy.
That's just what we're wired to do.
So it just started to just be like, hold on, you know, we don't believe in
gender, but
we need a female president.
You're like, huh?
And then it's like, my body, my choice, unless it's a baby that needs a vaccine
for hepatitis
B, which comes from butt sex.
Like, what are you—right?
And sharing needles.
And sharing needles.
And then, you know, we believe in climate change, and sea is rising, but we
live on the
coast.
Like, would you buy a house on the beach if you truly believe that the seas—you
know,
we believe in recycling, but why can't you give Andrew Yang another shot?
Like, why won't you give—where did Beto go?
Remember Beto O'Rourke?
Oh, that guy was a mess.
But he—but any more so than—
Oh, yeah, yeah, he's a mess.
How—like, worse than—
No.
I mean, they're all a mess.
Like, when you have these blanket progressive ideas, you've attached yourself
to an ideology,
and that ideology you'll defend because it's your identity, it's you, it's who
you are.
But didn't—he at least seemed, you know, I mean, you know, I didn't know that
much about
what—from what I knew, he made a joke about his wife taking care of the kids,
you know,
and the left was like, you're sexist, you hate women.
It was like—
Of course.
But what I saw with her was this idea of, I'm so moral that I don't even have
to make
a good argument, and the left started—stopped making an argument or even outlining
what
they're just—well, no, I'm moral, and I'm better than you, and I don't have
to even
make an argument.
Well, that—I mean, I don't know when she gave that interview.
So let's suppose she gave that interview a long time ago before she had this
job, and
she was just saying, this is what ideally I would like, and then she gets the
job, right?
And now when she's—what is her official job?
It was 2021 was the interview.
There you go, see?
The Office of—Office to Protect Tenants.
So was she working for that office back then?
No, no, no, no.
She would have been, I think, on Mondami's—I don't even know if he was
running—he wouldn't
have been running back in 2021, would he, right?
Well, she definitely was doing podcasts with him back then.
Well, she definitely just got out of SoulCycle in this video, and—
But, yeah, I don't know what her actual position was back at the time.
She might have just been on his campaign.
Okay, so this was Reason, and they were having this conversation with her.
Yeah.
And so to leave the city's office to protect tenants.
Look, there's definitely slumlords.
You should definitely protect tenants.
There's definitely shitty owners and landlords that are assholes.
She's basically saying government housing.
Yeah, but what she's saying is crazy.
Like, taking 30% of whatever you make, that's nuts.
So if you make a billion dollars a year, if you're Elon Musk or whoever it is,
you have
to pay 30%.
Yeah.
That's bananas.
The thing about New York, and maybe this is, you know—and I don't even know
what's,
you know, side anything—an idea makes anybody on anymore.
Sometimes I'll say someone, and people will be like, "Oh, so you're, like, alt-left."
And I'm like, "I don't know.
I just thought that was a good idea."
And then people will be like, "Oh, so you're, like, super conservative."
I'm like, "No, I just—"
Don't shop.
Yeah.
You got it.
And so—
Or shop, don't adopt.
And so, New York is expensive.
That's the deal.
If you don't have—you can't—I remember one time going to Howard Stern's
house.
And Howard Stern is—he's got more money than—and it was, like, still an—he
was able
to get two—buy two floors of a—but it's still, like, an apartment.
You know what I mean?
It's, like, New York—this is what whatever, $100 million or whatever gets you
in New York,
like—
I know, it's nuts.
Still not that big.
Like—
I know.
And you don't even have a yard.
Yeah, my horse's stable is, like, twice the size of this.
But if you want to live in the city for convenience, that's what it costs.
That's right.
Yeah.
So it's, like—
And if you're Jeffrey Epstein, somebody donates you a house.
That's right.
Or an office on the Harvard campus.
Yeah.
I love it when people that, like, are professors at Harvard or, like, I was a
professor at Harvard.
Like, well, so—Epstein had an office, too.
But, like, okay.
I feel like—it's just, like, New York's supposed to be expensive.
That's the deal.
And, you know, I had a place there for, like, a year.
I remember I was in, like, Chelsea area.
And—because I just want to go back and forth.
I was, like—there's something about New York that does really put a fire
under your ass.
Like, I remember, you know—actually, it was Dice back in the day.
I used to just ask comics, like, you know, because you're just—you're a
nobody and you're just starting and you're in the hallway with a legend.
Like, what do you say?
You know?
And I would always just go, like, if you have any advice, happy to hear it.
You know?
Some people love giving advice.
Other people—I was, like, going up to Bill Burr, like, help me.
Like, I could read the vibe.
And he said, sleep.
Like, get as much sleep as you can.
And then he was, like, when you make it, make sure you don't get too
comfortable.
Because, like, as comics, we still need to kind of—and I think that for a
long—
That's good advice.
For a long time, I think I took bad advice that maybe I had just gleaned.
I don't remember anyone giving it to me of, like, you have to be crazy to be
funny.
Or your life has to be a mess to be funny.
I think a lot of comics hold on to that.
If I ever get happy or have a kid or am in a healthy relationship, I won't be
as funny.
I don't think that's true.
I actually think it freed up bandwidth.
Like, getting out of—
It doesn't have to be true, but it can be true.
It can be.
That's right.
Well, comfort can make people fat, too.
They can get lazy.
But also, it's like, if you're not—you know, that's why I go to the grocery
store.
You know, not that I wouldn't, but, like, you got to make sure that you're
still in the trenches
and that you still don't—you don't make your life so easy that, you know—
Right.
You're not disassociated.
You're not disconnected from the outside world.
That's right.
And just atrophy, like, and less resilient, you know?
And, you know, so—what am I talking about?
Yeah.
This is where mom brain does come in.
You were talking about New York City?
New York City.
So, I'm in New York City, and I just wanted to write new stuff.
It was like, things were going well.
I had bought a house, and I was like, you know, New York's just—you're just a
little
more of a dogfight.
And I wanted to go to the cellar and, you know, the stand and all these places.
And I'm in this apartment.
It's probably—
What year is this?
Eight.
Right before the pandemic.
Oh.
Yeah.
You got an apartment in New York before the pandemic?
Mm-hmm.
For like—I was already out of it probably six months before.
So, were you going back and forth?
I had it for a year.
I was going back and forth.
Because I also was, like, touring so much that I would go, okay, if I'm going
to be in,
you know, Florida at the end of, you know, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, I should
just go
to New York because then I'm going to North Carolina that Thursday anyway.
Right.
And you're single, so it's easy.
Exactly.
You didn't have a kid.
Yeah.
Exactly.
And let me just stay on the East Coast, right?
And let me just, like, do a software update.
It's like—Ari made me go on a hike with him once, and he's like, you need to
go to Somalia
for a year with no phone.
I was like, I'll just—how about I get a place in New York?
Ari's ridiculous.
His ideas are so ridiculous.
I'll go to Little Italy.
How about that?
She go to Tibet.
Yeah, totally.
She live in a yurt in Mongolia.
And I remember, like, every time I would turn on the bathtub, the toilet would—the
effluvium
from the toilet would come through the bathtub.
It was, like, some wild—
Oh.
Dude.
And then there was also an elevator in the building that people could get off
on your floor.
Oh, fun.
So, half the time I'd be sleeping and, like, a bunch of dudes would just, like,
get off,
you know.
And I had this plumber come, and I was like, oh, can you help with the shit,
the gutter going
into the bath?
One thing that's relaxing is a bath, and then I'm just, like, in sewage.
And he was like, it's New York.
And I was like, no, but, like, can you fix it?
He's like, nah.
Like, his job is just going around to people and reminding them they live in
New York, and
this is the deal.
There's no way to stop the fucking sewer water from getting your tub?
He's like, I could snake it, but, like, that's not—it's just—this is—and
this
is part of why, like, Trump won.
Like, infrastructure, you know.
There's—pipes explode all the time because they're just hitting their limit
of being, you
know, 100-whatever years old.
Like, but New York is the place you go when you kind of, you know, want to be
in a dogfight
on a daily basis.
You're going to be spending more—every time you sit down, it's 100 bucks, you
know.
It's—even if you get affordable housing in New York, like, a bottle of water,
food, like,
everything's expensive there.
Right.
You know?
Because it has to be brought in.
It's emotionally expensive.
It's literally expensive, figuratively expensive.
Like, it's, you know, I—
Well, this lady's going to reduce all that.
She's going to make everything valueless.
Like, but why would you want to take the—yeah, I mean, there's things that
are artificial
value, like art and stuff like that, but land is—
What's probably going to do is it's probably going to lead to some sort of a
Republican government
there.
There are probably going to be a lot of backlash.
People are probably going to organize, probably going to realize that you can't
have communism,
and it'll go—it'll swing the other way.
Because everyone's kind of leaving, right?
All the people with money are leaving New York?
A lot of people are leaving New York.
So they're saying like—
Fucking Robert De Niro was talking about it.
Whoa.
He's like the king of New York.
Because they want to tax his savings.
I don't know if that's accurate.
But also—
That might have been a fake quote.
They need to use everybody's tax dollars to pay for all this, but all the
taxpayers are
leaving that are big money.
Exactly.
But if they're taxing everybody—the thing is, it's like, you can't just tax
your way
out of problems because we know that that money goes, and it's grossly
inefficient
what they do with it.
The government is not good at using your money.
They've never been good.
There's not like one example of the government doing an amazing job with your
money.
Originated as satire.
There it is.
It's fake.
I mean, he owns like hotels there.
He does like the film festival there and everything, right?
De Niro?
He's like, yeah.
Oh, he loves it there.
He's like the guy.
People stay outside his house and yell at him.
In New York.
Crazy Trump people.
I mean—
They know where he lives.
So they stand outside his house and yell at him, "Fuck you, Bobby."
Good for everyone.
"Trump won, Bobby, you fucking loser."
That's the crazy thing about living in New York.
Someone can just walk right up to your door.
If you have one of those walk-ups.
Knock, knock, knock.
It's the sidewalk is in front of your house.
That's what De Niro lives.
Let's go knock.
Didn't some crazy person break into his house recently?
An ex-wife?
An ex-wife?
Like a lady.
Oh.
I think like some crazy lady stalker broke into his house when he wasn't there.
Sounds about right.
Lady stalkers can really get far.
Mmm.
Because no one thinks that they're—I don't want to talk about one too much,
but there's
one in my life who can just kind of—
A serial burglar accused of breaking into Robert De Niro's New York City townhouse
went on
new crime spree after release on bail.
Did they know it was Robert De Niro's house?
2023.
Yeah.
Who is this person?
How do they know he lived there?
Serial burglar Shanice Aviles was allegedly caught red-handed trying to steal
Oscar-winning
actor's Christmas presents.
Whoa.
She's the Grinch.
She was released from Rikers on May 3rd.
Since then, she's been charged at least two more thefts, including one in which
she allegedly
snuck into a Columbia University building and slugged a security guard.
She's a villain.
I love like a Christmas present marauder.
Well, she was charged with stealing $416 worth of merchandise from a TJ Maxx on
6th Avenue.
You can get a lot for that amount.
Yeah.
A TJ Maxx.
That's like most of the store.
She was busted again.
Let me see her face.
Let's see if I can see Craig.
Yep.
Craig's egg.
Look at her eyebrows.
Are those shaved?
Look at her face.
Yeah, you got me.
Whatever.
Whatever.
Poor Robert.
I mean, like what?
Like if you're stealing Robert De Niro's Christmas presents, like what's she
going to do
with an aura ring?
Look at that.
It's good.
Security guard patrolling the building around 6:30 PM spotted tools sitting
near an open
window that should have been locked shut.
Then found Avila's inside the building.
So she used tools to-
Filling up her bag with various items according to a criminal complaint.
Yeah.
She used tools.
Broken in the house.
Bro, get a fucking dog.
Get a Belgian Malibu.
Oh, dude.
Get a meat missile.
People not having dogs, like what are you doing, man?
I don't know how to convince people.
I mean, yeah, I never have problems like that.
I leave all my doors unlocked.
Well, I wouldn't do that.
I'm like, I wish a motherfucker would.
Whoa.
I mean, I have large dogs.
Yeah, but still.
Yeah.
You can shoot your dogs pretty easy.
And then, so your new dog, was Marshall like instantly like-
Loved him.
Oh, of course.
They're buddies.
They're best friends.
The new dog's also like a little anti-wolf.
They've taken wolves and turned them into these cute cuddly things you could
carry around
with you.
When I look at that, that to me is like, I feel like humans were kind of like,
this is never
going to change, but things do change fast sometimes.
Like, you know, like smoking.
I remember when I first moved to LA, people were smoking inside.
And then I remember people going outside to smoke.
Like it just, in our lifetime, we like watched like a huge change, like-
They banned smoking in bars.
Yeah.
Huge cataclysmic changes like can happen, you know?
But that's just because the people that were working in the bars were getting
fucking cancer.
So if the thing is like, I want to be able to smoke in a bar.
Yeah.
That's great.
But what about the poor waitress?
That's right.
The second hands, right?
This lady who just wants to make a living and doesn't even smoke.
Now she has lung cancer.
That's crazy.
So that, that is a, that's a liability for the organization, for the city.
Totally.
It's bad for everybody.
Yeah.
Pregnant women can't come drink at the bar.
Right.
Go outside.
But you can't drink if you're pregnant.
I know.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
You can get hip.
Be shot.
I am, I'm obsessed with the things that used to, are so dangerous that used to
just like
be places.
Like in shoe stores, they used to have little x-ray machines and a lot-
Shoe stores?
Yup.
And the, and people started getting foot cancer that worked there cause all day
they
just put their foot in the x-ray machine.
What?
Cause that's how they used to, I remember cause there was a shoe store where my
mom lived
and it had like an old antique one, like-
An old antique x-ray machine?
It was a little x-ray machine.
That's crazy.
Crazy.
Crazy.
And if you're working there and you're bored and you're just sticking your foot
in it all
day.
That's nuts.
I never knew that.
That's how they would take your foot size.
Isn't it nuts how like new technology, they have no idea it's killing people?
No clue.
Do you know about the radium girls?
Love it already.
Oh, this is a horrible story.
So when you have a watch like, um, you know, like a Rolex and it's at night you
could see
its loom.
Sure.
So during the daytime it charges up at the light and at night you can see the
indicators.
They light up.
They glow in the dark.
Oh no.
The reason they glow in the dark is because they're fucking radioactive.
Yeah.
So they paint, not now I don't think, but they paint them and so these girls
were touching
the tips of this fucking paint brush when they were painting loom on these dials
and they
were all getting horrific cancer where they were getting holes in their face.
See if you can find some of the images.
Oh, bummer.
Well, there's some images of a radium sickness.
Are these just your porn searches, Jamie?
We're looking for the Uranium Girls.
Those are the radium girls.
Bummer.
That's what all this is.
Radium Girls is like, I think there's a documentary.
Yeah, there is.
No, there's a movie from 2020.
Yeah, because that's Joey.
The Dark Story of America's Shining Women.
Oh.
Well, it's like all kinds of stuff like this.
Like Christopher Reeves' wife got lung cancer from his machine.
Oh God.
I know.
Really?
Yeah, that kind of stuff kills me.
Oh my God.
I always think about nail girls, the girls that are in there doing acrylic
nails.
Oh yeah.
You're just inhaling this all day.
I know.
And they wear like a fucking mask, like a surgeon's mask.
That's just so they can talk shit about us.
But yeah.
Yeah.
But that surgeon's mask is not going to help you from the fucking fumes.
Yeah.
People that work around toxic chemicals, I was reading this thing about women
that clean,
that women that work with cleaning solvents all day, they get lung cancer and
it's like
they're smoking three packs a day.
Totally.
Like my, the woman that's been with me, she's like my family who helps me
maintain my house.
It's all, we make it, it's all clean, you know, like not ammonia and stuff.
Organic stuff.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
It's like vinegar and-
Well you should just have that in your house anyway.
Tea tree and stuff, yeah.
Even if it's not you cleaning.
You don't want that shit in your fucking house, period.
Yeah.
But then like as women, then we like spray our hair and put a bunch of makeup
on, you know.
Yeah.
We're all high at all times.
Just chock full of chemicals.
Like it's so wild.
You think about the amount of endocrine disruptors we put on a daily basis, but-
Pumping potulism into your face to keep it from moving.
You know what?
I don't do it anymore.
Ah, congratulations on your eyebrows.
I-
Your forehead moves.
Your eyebrows have been freed.
It really is.
My hairline went bad.
Well my-
Well you said you've been doing the red light.
Red light is the key.
Yep.
Like red light, it brings collagen to your skin.
It gives your skin a more youthful appearance.
It like helps your entire body heal better.
Yeah.
It helps your mitochondria.
But we were talking about this before the podcast.
For both of us, it's improved our vision.
That's right.
It really has.
Like my vision was on a downward, like very steady-
Like I have these things here.
These reading glasses.
I don't use those at all anymore.
Yeah.
I can completely read my phone now with no reading glasses.
And before it was a blurry mess.
Also by the way, everyone I know with kids, like they're-
And I'll be exaggerating a little bit, but their kids are getting glasses so
young and having eye stuff so young.
And they're staring at screens all the time.
You know, one of the things that you're supposed to do is if you're staring at
something like really close to your face all the time, you should take breaks
and look at things that are far away.
Because otherwise, I guess your cornea reshapes and like your eyes literally
become more accustomed to trying to look at things closer.
It just fucks your eyes up.
Right, right.
And then the light from the screen, that can't be good.
I know.
I try to do the blue light glasses as much as I can.
The amount of glasses and lights I have like in my house right now, it looks
like a fucking chemistry studio.
But yes, I got so I do red light on my skin.
And because I was like, you know, look, the Botox thing is like TV executive
ages ago when I was truly like in my 20s.
The way they sell you on Botox is they say it's preventative.
And you go, oh yeah, okay.
In your 20s they were telling you to do it?
I was like 27.
Yo.
I was like making a TV show, a couple TV shows.
And they were like, well, she looks tired.
I'm like, yeah, because I'm tired.
Because you keep sending me notes at two in the morning to take out all the
good jokes.
Like, of course, I'm tired.
And so, you know, I they say to do it so that you don't get wrinkles later.
And then you're like, okay, well, now I'm 35.
Like, why am I still getting it?
Like, shouldn't I enjoy the prevention now?
Like, it just sort of becomes a do this forever.
And I was like, I don't even know who I'm doing this for at this point.
You know, I just was like, I guess-
Especially if you just want to be a comic and you don't want to be cast in TV
roles anymore.
Or movie roles.
Yeah, but also, even in TV roles, you can't act if you don't have expression on
your face.
Right.
It's the whole thing.
You know, we've all seen actors where we're like, you just see one teardrop go
down.
Hey, yo, I'm right here.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, Brotox, the rise of Brotox.
Brotox is weird.
I shouldn't, but I do.
I judge men very badly when I think they have Botox.
When I see a man's face doesn't move, I'm like, I am not listening to anything
coming out of your mouth.
Especially when it's hot on a guy.
Why not enjoy the benefit of age looking good on a man?
Yeah, because a certain amount of age they're like, oh my God, I'm so old.
When you get to like that Stallone age, like he was at the White House
receiving some fucking award.
You know, there was a bunch of guys that went to the White House and got awards.
Did you ever see that?
Sorry.
Awards are so silly.
Yeah.
You stand there and they put it around your neck.
You're like, yep, I deserve this.
But there's, Stallone is there and it looks so crazy.
Like he used to be my canary in a coal mine.
Cause I'm like, wow, you could be 70 and be jacked.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is awesome.
You know?
Cause like he kept it together for a long fucking time.
Like he was in great shape for a long time.
But now he looks, looks like he's just doing a bunch of stuff.
I think.
Look at him there.
That's crazy.
First of all, that hairline is crazy.
That's crazy.
This whole lineup of people are his bat shit.
Can you print this out so I can just put it in my bathroom to just.
Is that Pacino?
Who's the guy on the left?
We should know the answer.
No.
Is that Gene Simmons?
Yeah.
The woman?
Oh.
No, Gene Simmons is there.
Is this the trans, the trans.
Stallone, 79 years old.
Let me see.
Well, that was his way up.
Yeah, but it's just like, so who's there?
Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons.
What was.
And Stallone.
And who's the guy in the back?
Are these the Benjamin Button Awards?
Like what is the actual award?
Who's the guy in the far right?
Doesn't say?
Michael Crawford, whoever that is.
I'm sure he's been in a bunch of stuff I enjoyed.
He didn't know his name.
Like entertainers.
Yeah.
Okay.
So they all got a big award, but it's just the way Stallone looked.
It was like, God, what are you doing?
It looks like a facelift.
Is it Trump Kennedy Center?
Oh.
Oh yeah.
Sure.
He was acknowledging his 80s heroes with awards.
I used to like you in the 80s.
But by the way, just ask them to go to dinner.
Like how insecure that you have to like give an award.
Like there was, what was it?
Was it Cosby that Harvard like gave him a fake award just to see if he would
show up and
he showed up?
Oh really?
The narcissist will just show up to accept like greatest comedy person of ever.
And he like showed up and accepted it and they had to like get him from the
airport.
They were like, fuck, this was like a joke.
Really?
Yeah.
Are you sure?
Jamie?
I don't know anything about that.
Go to blue sky.
They have a fake award?
Go to blue sky.
Look it up.
The Hasty Pudding or whatever Harvard's comedy troupe is.
Oh, they did it?
Did like a prank where they'll give celebrities awards.
Just to see if they show up?
Yeah.
Oh, that's funny.
And Cosby showed up.
That's actually funny.
Oh, okay.
Conan O'Brien convinced Cosby that he was awarded fake the Harvard Lampoon's
lifetime achievement
in comedy to be presented at Harvard.
Bill Cosby actually flew all the way in a private plane to be picked up by
Conan in his
parent's station wagon.
A modified bowling trophy was given as an award.
Oh.
Oh, boy.
Like he showed up to get it.
That's hilarious.
Imagine.
That is hilarious.
Imagine.
So that was Conan when he was in Harvard.
Yeah.
Oh, that's so funny.
So many funny writers came out of Harvard.
Out of Harvard, yeah.
The Harvard Lampoon.
Yeah.
It's kind of crazy.
It's kind of crazy.
I mean, it's interesting because they've, you know, not to talk about TV dorkery,
but
I know a lot of them, we're friends with a lot of them.
Like there was a little bit of like a elitism.
I think it's part of what made TV start becoming kind of irrelevant is these
sort of like elite
writers from Harvard who don't necessarily have a, you know, I think that the
best comedy,
everyone can see themselves in it or it's about something that we can all kind
of relate
to on some level.
That's all these sort of kids going to a, you know, $70,000 a year elite school,
making
shows like The Office and show, you know, these comedies that, you know, you
know, look like
it's, it's a lot of my friends worked on The Office.
I love you guys.
It's going to get me in trouble, but it is kind of like making fun of poor
people.
It's like, wouldn't it be funny if people like worked at a paper mill and like
went to Chili's?
Like what a bunch of losers.
It's like my family members like go to Chili's.
That is real photo.
That's Conan right there.
He was 19 when this happened.
Like they had to like scramble to pick him up.
That's actually amazing.
He talked about it on a podcast.
That's actually amazing that he did that.
That's actually amazing.
Like that is, I love the little things where when you find out someone was a
sociopathic monster
that you're like, we should have known, even though it had nothing to do with
drugging women.
Like the fact that he showed up to receive this award.
Well, actually the Harvard Lampoon is like a famous comedy thing.
So it would make sense that they would give him an award.
That's true.
That's true.
And before he was a monster, he was, I mean, like you look at that image there.
That's a black and white image.
So Conan was 19.
Conan's got to be in his late fifties.
Right?
How old is Conan now?
Yes, this is in 85.
Okay.
So he was very respected back then.
Yeah.
Like Bill Cosby was the man.
Look, that show.
I mean, when I tell you, like my top five shows, it's Cosby, you know, Martin.
Married with Children was really big.
Can you even get Cosby anymore?
Have they hid that?
Maybe not even because no one thought it was weird that he was a gynecologist
that worked
out of his basement.
How about that one episode where he had his secret barbecue sauce that made
everybody horny?
That's right.
But no, we're not.
Remember?
How fucking, who greenlit that?
You're going to drug people?
Dude.
Cliff Huxtable would walk up the stairs from his basement, take off plastic
gloves.
Oh, because he was just touching pussies.
Oh my God.
That would have just been inside a woman.
Oh my God.
Presumably.
He kept them on.
He smelled off the stairs.
Whatever he was doing.
And then be like, anyway, so what's for dinner?
And you're like, wait, hold on.
That's nuts.
I didn't know that.
I never watched that show.
He was a gynecologist and he'd work.
I didn't even know he was a gynecologist.
Out of his house.
Oh my God.
That's so crazy.
Or he would deliver babies.
But that's so crazy.
Yeah.
I always thought that was wild.
That's so crazy.
He'd take the plastic gloves off at the top of the stairs.
Like.
Like.
Finger.
I was dating a girl once back in the day, and she told me that her gynecologist
hit
on her.
And she said she was so creeped out.
Her gynecologist called her up at home and asked her out on a date.
And she was like, what?
Because he got a chance to take a look at that thing.
That thing looked pretty good.
I mean.
That's so crazy.
Your gynecologist asks you on a date, and you're at home.
And this is back, by the way.
Like when, I don't even, I guess they had caller ID in the 80s.
So this would be after they had caller ID.
Like, you probably think the doctor's calling you up because like.
By the way, didn't we just go on one?
You just figured me.
Yeah.
What was that?
Hold on.
What's your definition of a date?
I thought that's what that was.
I thought we were a thing.
We're together.
You've seen my pussy and my asshole.
This is nuts.
I've been in the stirrups.
You fingered me and have all my money.
Like.
Jesus Christ.
That is.
I mean, it is interesting that today for a guy to become a gynecologist.
I know it was like the only way, you know, only men could be back in the day.
But now for a guy to be like, I'm in med school to be a gynecologist.
Yeah.
Everybody's like, what?
Like, huh?
Right.
Like, if I was a woman, I would never go to a male gynecologist.
I'm good.
That's crazy.
No.
Just the idea.
If he's heterosexual and he's staring at your cooter and thinking about sliding
up in there.
Or the opposite.
Or if he, like, doesn't care.
You're like, why are you not looking?
I'm kind of excited.
Yeah.
Why'd you put gloves on?
Look at that thing.
Yeah.
Look at it shine.
I put glitter on it just for you.
Like it is.
Do you remember that?
No.
Butt.
Butt.
Glitter?
Butt glitter?
For real?
no remember butt uh crystal um remember okay there were be dazzling pussy be
dazzling no way yes this
was a thing did that give you cancer too like baby powder does this thing
definitely something
uh but yeah it was there was i'm just always fascinated by like conflating like
feminism with
just like just what are we doing be dazzling our pussies like we're not like
free the nipple like
we're fine joe isn't off on something okay okay is this william okay the hot
new trend for summer
glitter butt that's so ridiculous like don't look at my butt but look it's
glittery that's hilarious
there's also the butt plug thing no there was so where are these people wearing
these glitter
pants i mean it's not even pants that was another thing that hoes would do back
in the day remember
they would just paint their tits and you can kind of go out in public with
paint on your tits
like on new year's eve and stuff like that yes yeah and people go oh you're topless
no i can't pee
and then it was like why are you looking it's like what okay these girls have
glitter all over
their pants by the way how toxic is that shit hold on go that's just hold on so
we talked about the
wizard of oz and that poor dude who had to play the tin man that guy got fucked
up by that paint
so did the um uh the woman that was the witch she got her face cut on fire oh
oh caught on fire yeah
which by the way now we'd pay dermatologists to set our faces on fire but back
then it was that was
accidental it was a layer skin yeah she will look young again gotta get to that
young was it um
what was it asbestos or what what uh well she had green paint on her face all
day long but right
and tin man it was he had like it was aluminum i think aluminum that's correct
yes which we put in
deodorant fine not the not the kind i use dr squatch it's natural yeah works
too that shit lasts all day
long dr squatch is also if i stink that oh no you don't want to smell me oh
really no no no i mean
when i don't have when i don't have deodorant on and i like work out and hang
out all day and i'll
smell myself and get disgusted but i'll smell myself and gag i'll do like wipes
i'll just wipe it
you know that's good you don't want to get in there but we're not i just this
whole thing where
we all have to smell like a moonlit path yeah but you don't want to smell like
a monkey in the zoo
that's what i smell like i mean i don't know it's kind of a power move i guess
you know how like they
say like ronnie danger you're trying to have sex with your wife she's plugging
oh yeah no you know
what i'm sorry i'm sorry to your wife i love her too much to encourage this
like it's like you deal
with my breath what i brush your fucking teeth are you crazy but isn't there
something about like
smelly if someone smells bad like your wife your bo probably smells good to her
huberman actually
talked about this when he was on my podcast back in the day about like if
someone doesn't smell good
to you it means you're probably related i think you need to talk to her she
would probably correct you
yeah
i fucking smell gross i eat mostly meat because you're always in ketosis yeah
that's different rotten meat
coming out of my pores and pneumonia from sweat but if someone's like morning
breath smells bad to you
and they just you know like everybody's morning breath smells bad yeah that's
true yeah but you
gotta be really horny to make out with someone in the morning like full-on make
like you gotta
that's like that's ultimate i don't give a fuck yeah yeah yeah i don't care
what your breath smells like
come here that's like crazy crazy just yeah flip me over like an adult yeah don't
um that's like if you
don't care about yeast infections who cares about that smell let's go let's
fucking go
there is something sick about once you birth a child
you're so tapped into this like feral like it's just so wild that i don't even
think about morning
breath anymore it's you're just like well you're cleaning diapers all the time
it's like when i was
on fear factor i didn't even flinch if someone threw up in front of me i'd seen
so many people
throw up like one time one time my wife threw up in her car and this is how
like i am immune to
throw up i mean some people puke if they because of all my years on fear factor
i'm completely immune
when i was a kid if you threw up in the hallway in high school i'd be like
which like there's a
biological basis for that yeah we probably ate the same thing right in the
tribe exactly that got wiped
out of me on fear factor 100 she was coming home from the gym and she drank
wheatgrass juice and
she threw up in her center console and she was crying she was like okay no i
can't even clean
it it's so disgusting i'll clean it i don't give a fuck i cleaned the whole
thing i got in there with
towels i cleaned her puke out it didn't even make me flinch i'd seen so many
people puke i've seen people
puke for days and days and i mean i did 148 episodes so i at least 130 of those
times people had to eat
something that made them throw up so i saw multiple people there's six
contestants i saw so many people
gag and i had to be interviewing them like while they were gagging sometimes
while they were throwing
up in a dumpster i'd be talking to them that that was such a big deal that show
that was so ridiculous
a big deal you know i took that show because i thought it was going to be
canceled
i thought like i'm going to get some jokes out of this they're going to stick
dogs on people
i'm like oh yeah but you underestimated our deep desire for schadenfreude like
watching other
people be scared and humiliated the coliseum basically well it was also i
underestimated the
entertainment value of the competition because it was competition that was the
the grossness was
great it you know it was definitely fun to watch and but there was also like
real like significant
competition yeah there were some great moments this is one moment with this
mother and her her daughter
beat this father and his son and the father and son were assholes they were
just the dad was like a
dick like yeah this is how you get ahead in this world you'd be a fucking dick
and they were talking
crazy shit that's it and then the kid fumbled and fucked things up and the dad
fucked things up and
the whole crew was crying everybody was so happy yeah i'm i cried i'm
fascinated i'll cry if i start
talking about it i just sent andrew schultz a clip that i'll cry if i talk
about because he was posting
something about um like a daughter asking his her or a gymnast who the daughter
was getting attached
and wouldn't let her go to the routine so she did it with her daughter and um
there's this oh there's
this video of this girl i think it's in brazil uh she's doing a cooking
competition and um you know
there's like you know timed cooking competitions and she can't open a jar and
her dad is in the audience
and she runs and gives it to her dad and her dad just opens it and it's like it
gives me goosebumps
every time but um dad's man um but that uh that just kills me that oh god this
kills me this is
how she runs she can't get it open why do they make jars so hard to open by the
way if your hands
that's her dad look at her dad oh god oh god oh no so this is costing all this
time and he's freaking
out oh jesus christ ah oh god oh god
that's cool that you can do that though yeah because it's ridiculous that you
can't like
opening a jar well you gotta hit it on the side of a thing yeah or like if you
just clank it on
something but um it's like i think he posted something about you know when like
runners don't
finish the race and the dad comes out and like helps him cross the finish line
or something oh gosh
i love shit like that so much um but uh i can't remember where we were on this
now i'm just it
doesn't gonna sob um competition pure factor disgusting yeah it turned out to
be fun that's
what it is i think i'm fascinated by and i'm like a football dork i know you're
not like the biggest
football fan even though you've been watching some games yeah i like it now i
get it i watched the um
texas a&m versus uh the the ut game yeah incredible incredible and i think that
what you're going for
is it's almost like this gambling addiction in a way because it's like even
when your team loses you're
all losing together and it's you know you get to feel like you're a part of
something there's so much
like you know reptilian uh sort of hard wiring at play but for me it's like
about these goosebumps
moments that you can't have every game that would take the value out of them
like this past season
when have you been i don't know if you're a football guy jamie but philip
rivers coming back to the colts
and uh him coming out of retirement two major players came out of retirement
this year that
were like coaching they were done coaching their kids little league in high
school philip rivers was
just coaching you know 45 44 45 results it's a fun caveat with that too but
tell me he's got so many
kids 10 right yeah uh he was about to hit retirement his five years you have to
wait to go to the hall
of fame but now he just like re-upped his uh nfl uh like uh health insurance so
that gets coverage
for i mean he's rich as shit he doesn't really need it but just a little caveat
of like he gets coverage
for life him getting here's what i realized and i realized this at the ut game
when you're a fan of
football you get big moments many times if you're a fan of a fight you get the
fight and then one guy
wins and one guy gets horribly destroyed sometimes like sometimes your guy gets
flatlined and you're
watching your guy laid out with his toes curled his legs stiff his arms up in
the air he's completely
unconscious and the other guy is on the cage like this and then the medical
people are taking care
of your guy and you're like oh yeah it's the worst when you see like families
and children see their
dad get knocked out no no no no no it's so hard no that's so hard we see wives
crying and then the
camera turns to them you see them they're like oh no um it's just football's a
different thing you know
when someone throws the ball and then the person catches it goes across the
line and you see a hundred
thousand that's right that's it that's it that's it and so much is the type of
fan base you know but
like um but the people in the audience feel better that's right it's like they
are they're celebrating
in a different way because when a fighter wins it's an individual but when a
team wins it's your team
that's right that's different and you can make the argument on some level that
you know you know not
your part of it but like the energy you bring like when i went to the rams game
i'm like an eagles fan
and rams game all green all eagles fans coming for away games like you know it's
imagine being like
the eagles and looking out at like all green in another you know city also is
it matt prady i think
it's his last name is a kicker for was it the bills both of the kickers got
injured and like they
didn't have a kicker and they're like imagine getting the call you're coaching
like your middle
middle school sons whatever little league football and you get the call like we
need you
you know really it's like yeah he goes in and he kicks like the winning field
goal this was in
september i want to say i love like that so much that's awesome you know when
you also just moments
like what saquon barkley did last year like jumping backwards over like there's
a video of his teammates
watching him do it going like it's just i love watching the interplay between
the team members
too it's like comics it's like you know i get it i didn't like it before but i
get it way more now
i get it way more because for me it's like a watered down version of fighting i'm
like why don't you just
fight but now i get it it's not that you're the as an audience member it's
better because you're like
a part of the game like we are scoring it's a really it's a stupid thing to say
we you never say we won
that fight that's right that's right also but i think the we of it also happens
to you know the
reason i think as live performers when you see a team like the eagles do so so
well and then this
last time they played the rams just fall apart you're like what just per what
we were talking about
with fear factor and what you're capable of when you're on tv when you've been
insulted when your ego's
been when you're in front of your kid right i'm not going to eat a live rat but
if my kid is watching
and someone just insulted my kid it's i'm a different person you know what i'm
saying i will
fucking fuck this rat in the ass you know whatever i need to do or if money's
involved i'm obsessed with
sort of like the you know the most dangerous team to me is always the one that
hasn't won any games
that's the most dangerous fighter is the one that needs money that's right that's
right and uh i'm just
fascinated didn't floyd mayweather used to practice by doing like live facebook
facebook lives with like
girls around to try to did it really yeah huh i think we do like facebook lives
well he definitely
did that to show off too he was so good yeah he was so good but he he would do
crazy things like they
would have uh rounds that would go on for 10 minutes he would you know he would
have like what would
he call it like the dog pound he like a name for it we'd bring a bunch of guys
in there and they
would just box and they wouldn't have any rounds they would just box so like
you know it's sink or swim
you got no rounds yeah you're just in there but no one's going to tell you to
stop wow this is crazy
this is crazy but he also he also was uh a master at boxing people and talking
to them
so it was i'm sorry about my voice but it was a part of like the whole thing of
it was that you were
watching all this chaos and then you're dealing with the psychological aspect
of each guy talking to
each other and it's also like that's the dog house refers to his gym's notoriously
grueling sparring
sessions known for intense no rules fighting until someone quits designed to
push boxers to their
absolute limits i mean it's not a mystery why he's one of the absolute greatest
someone quits yeah
by the way this guy's had multiple hand surgeries so he couldn't really even
like blast on guys like he used
to do when he was younger you know when he was younger they called him pretty
boy floyd and so in the
early days of his career he was a knockout artist he was fucking people up but
he doesn't have big
hands and so he was breaking his hands like multiple times and so then he
became money mayweather and
just started boxing everybody's face off and like if you go back and watch some
of his early knockouts
also he wasn't certainly facing the caliber of fighters he faced as a champion
but
he's the best ever at not getting hit that guy's been cracked maybe like three
or four times in his
entire professional career which is wild and is his ability to not get hit is
that from outworking
everyone or something janet is there some it's a whole bunch of things that
came together so one of
them his dad jesus christ his dad was floyd mayweather senior okay his dad
fought sugar ray leonard and
gave him a hell of a fight his uncle was roger mayweather roger mayweather
multiple time world champion
the black mamba so he grew up in a gym with jeff mayweather and these guys were
all killers and they
were boxing scientists yeah they knew everything about boxing it's a famous
quote that people always
use roger mayweather see if you can find it where he's like most people don't
know about boxing
and everybody who knows anything about boxing and by the way i'm not a boxing
expert i'm like a fan
compared to the regular person i know more than most people hey rhonda he's a
fan most people don't
know about boxing but see if you can get him say it because it's just it's the
way he says it
and it's 100 accurate it's 100 accurate is boxing like and not to like
compliment like
what we do in any this might sound insulting to athletes but like is it similar
in a way to comedy
in that there's certain things like you can't really teach like you have to
find your thing
well there's certainly like genetic advantages that are huge they're almost insurmountable
um there's some people that have like speed like roy jones jr was the best
example that he had speed
that was otherworldly like no one had seen anything like that before and he had
a style that no one else
had roy jones so the most important punch in boxing if you ask any boxing
trainer they'll say the jab
the jab is what establishes distance the jab is what you could score with the
right hands to try to
knock him out left folks try to knock him out uppercut but the jab is the most
important punch in boxing
roy jones rarely threw jabs he would throw left hooks his left hook was so fast
that he would throw a
leaping left hook and it would hit you as fast or faster than another person's
jab and you had to
calibrate for that when you're fighting him like all of a sudden there's a guy
who could do things that
are literally superhuman like no one can move like him he has a left bicep that's
like twice the size
of his right bicep from throwing left hooks and is this like like how michael
phelps has abnormally
long arms or something right no he developed that left bicep that's why his
right bicep is small
his right bicep is normal sized his left bicep is cute so look at the photo
whoa whoa whoa bro let me
tell you something roy jones in his prime was a freak of nature and do you try
to go like okay you know
i'm just going look at his build look at that left hook insane dude no he was a
freak and also extremely
intelligent crafty set you up knew what to do to get you to move this way and
then you're moving that
way and then he's doing things you can't do so you don't anticipate that
someone's going to be able to
leap in from there and catch you with an uppercut you're like you don't even
understand how it
happened he's the only guy in the history of i believe compu box it might still
be the case
and it was in this fight or the the vinnie pazienza fight where look at that
put his hands behind his back
and knocked the guy out one of the only fights in the history of the sport
where the opponent landed
zero punches that's the stoppage of vinnie pazienza he was a freak wait how did
that even happen he hit
him with the left hook to the body he was so fast he would hit yeah he was so
good all of his fights
were essentially executions he went from 168 he won the world title at 168 went
up to light heavyweight
when the world title light heavyweight went up to heavyweight won the world
title at heavyweight
he was a middleweight in the olympics that looks like remember the video of putin
doing like kung fu
or taekwondo and they're pretending to fall that's what this looks like no roy
was so this is nuts
he was so fast and he was so hard to hit oh yeah exactly like cartoon there's a
one two he hits this
guy with that i sent a friend of mine who's a boxing fan the other day i'm like
look at the speed of
this one two he hit this guy with a counter right hand like a counter one two
right hand it was it was
freakish like it didn't even make sense there's the left hook oh that left hook
look at that that left
hook that left hook is great look at him like what no no he just went down
watch that left hook again
he's trying to get up he's face planted and that's montel griffin who was a
world champion look at that
left hook good lord he even was like good lord lord yeah there was you know
there's guys that are amazing
and then there's roy jones roy jones was he was a freak i mean it was like
nothing that was unbelievable
oh my gosh it was all his fights look at that right hand of the body virgil
hill dropped he knocked him
out with a right hand to the by the way to the left side of his body but that's
not even where your liver
is your liver's over here guys get dropped all the time with a left hook to the
body he hit him with a
right hook to the body and stopped him i always get obsessed with like as um
like as comedians the more
comedy there is and has been the more original we have to be you know i'm
always fascinated by like
you know you know fighting or sports like you know a football for example like
you know gober
is the eagles doing the tush push it's like everyone had to start studying that
and this thing that
worked now everyone knows you do it so you know it's fascinating to me when a
fighter so good at one
thing everyone starts learning to defend that and then you know because it used
to be like you could just
fight and people saw the fight once and that was it but like that's where roy
had the advantage over
everyone else it wasn't there was no internet back when roy was on top so the
thing about the internet
now is any kid with you know limited resources can study all the greatest boxers
of all time so mike
tyson when he was young one of the great advantages that he had was jim jacobs
was his manager and jim
jacobs was a legitimate boxing historian who care he carried these tapes in old
films of everyone jack
johnson harry grebb he was watching sandy sadler all these willy pep all these
like rocky marciano
jack johnson all the great champions of history on film so he'd study film
footage all day he would put
these 32 millimeter or whatever it was a 32 millimeter or 16 what are those
things back then 16. so the real
to real so he'd have to feed the tape and the thing right right right and he
would sit there and watch
everybody fight so he had this massive advantage of seeing all these incredible
fighters like he he
mon he mirrored his style a lot around a bunch of different ones but one of
them particular was jack
dempsey who was like one of the most i mean i think dempsey was the champion
and i want to i'm trying to
figure out what year this was where jack dempsey was the heavyweight champion
he was like it was a savage
time i think he was a hobo at one time in his life like it's a savage time and
he was a savage man and
he was annihilating people and he wasn't very big either from 1919 to 1926 what
did he weigh what did jack
dempsey weigh when he was fighting
okay i'm going to guess 180 pounds 187 187 he was the heavyweight champion of
the world he weighed 187
pounds that's nuts that's 13 pounds less than me he was the heavyweight
champion of the world
this is that is that's bananas and another one that's even crazier is rocky marciano
rocky marciano who was the heavyweight champion in the 50s i believe um when
one of the only
heavyweight champions to ever retire undefeated he was 5 10 and he weighed i
think 185 pounds
and he killed everybody he killed people he hit them so hard that they would
just go dead
they would just shut them off and they would like collapse he was a murderous
puncher and he was a
small guy 184 pounds when he won the title from jersey joe walcott now what
what google or look up that
fight he was shorter look up that fight where the ko of jersey joe walcott you
just have to see the
punch he hits him with and this is before peptides and oh yeah this is just he
was eating spaghetti this
is this is like a crazy italian from brockton massachusetts but just see if you
can find the ko
because the ko is is not by the way jersey joe walcott is one of the all-time
greats i mean he was a
phenomenal boxer this is a little later in his time you know but he had had a
long career
so he knocks him down with that right hand but but watch the ko though after
this this
yeah they must have fought twice so find the second the other one whoa
this is yeah this is the one okay watch watch how he chaos him he hits him with
that right now he he
had the craziest work ethic of maybe any heavyweight of all time he would work
out he would run 10 miles
in the morning he would work out all day long sometimes he would spar a hundred
rounds for a fight
each week he was sparring constantly and then he would swim after training five
miles in a lake
his cardio was just off the charts and it was because he got tired once in a
fight yeah when
he was an amateur and he said i'll never get tired again and so he just decided
to outwork everybody
but you got to see the ko like see if you can zoom in i mean it was a brutal
fight i mean jersey
joe walcott give as much as he got but here it is right there watch that again
back that up again
watch this right hand mike drop boom mic drop the power in that it's his every
ounce of his body
watch how in slow motion he creeps in look at the explosion the extension of
his back leg see that
the extension of the back leg the turn of the shoulder the back gets into it
look at his back oh holy
shit just fucking boom that's over i mean and he's done and again jersey joe
walcott was a legend
and then he hits him with the left hook on the way down oh he's gone oh he's
dead gone it's crazy how
powerful that guy was before all the things before the cold plunge all of it
just no steroids no anger
and having been molested eggs and an immigrant from italy i was thinking about
this the other day because
i was in uh england my brother lives there and i was like i believe his family
is from italy i think he
was a child of immigrants i'm obsessed with italian immigrants because like you
go to italy all the
time you're imagine like the people that were like nah like the how beautiful
it'll like we pay to go
we pay to go to italy to see that view for three days and they're like ah no
thanks i'd rather
maybe get leprosy on a boat in the for 10 weeks well i don't know what life was
like in the 1920s when
my grandparents came over here but it wasn't good yeah no there was a lot of
them came over from
ireland from italy yeah bad news and they came over before youtube they just
someone drew them a picture
this is what it's like over there you're gonna get a job imagine like when i
look at what goes on the
comment section in america's so torn apart i'm like this wasn't ever going to
go any other way like
imagine i'm obsessed with just the ocean like just imagine looking at the ocean
in a boat and being like
all right i'll get on that right with your kid only the craziest like people
right that's why everyone
in the east coast is so insane i always say that i always say the most violent
crazy people are on
the east coast why because they all keep their grandparents came over on a boat
all their
ancestors had toxoplasmosis or whatever it was and we're just like i'd rather
yeah i'd rather die
and have frostbite and warm my frostbitten fingers in my wife's carcass leprosy
carcass then not be able
to worship who i want or say what i want there's a lot of that too i mean that's
what brought people
over here initially a lot of people came over for religious freedom which is a
crazy thought but like
the quakers like what were those people all about wasn't that a big part of why
they came over here like
they were being persecuted in england which is so weird because we go to england
and pay to go in the
churches now we're like i was like waiting in line to go in an english church i'm
like what was
the deal with the quakers are they like a cult like are they around anymore are
there any quakers
uncle ben jamie says yes yeah uncle ben isn't he i think so they make good
rights i think so
it's i don't know i've been really into amish though there's um i'm in like amish
core
algorithm where it's men like build barns in a day sexy right dude it's so hot
my porn is just watching men be useful uh and they'll just build a barn and
just like the amish
life i feel like we're all kind of trying to go like how do i get chickens how
do i self-sustain
how do i like some guys think it's hot when women cook same reason same thing
it's like sexy because
they're gonna eat soon yeah i mean well no because a woman can cook yeah like a
woman that's like like
really into feeding you yeah like that's a good woman like a woman who wants to
cook for you she
wants to cook for you for a guy that's hot this whole thing of like when i'm
not gonna cook for
my man it's like you get to eat too i mean like what are you gonna eat well you
don't have to cook
for your man like i wouldn't expect anyone to cook for me i think that's crazy
to i know how to cook
but there's something about somebody wanting to cook yeah yeah it's wanting to
do it it's not
doing it because it's a chore that you're making them do yeah it's like if
somebody does something nice
for you because they want to it's so much better than if you have to ask them
and they don't want
to do it but they concede to doing it yeah yeah you know no i love that i i
also i want to know what's
going in your body well used to be a valuable trait for someone to be building
something like a guy who
could go out there and do something with his hands oh that is a man that can
provide a shelter that's right
and if the roof breaks he can fix it like this is a good value also he can do
hard
shit he's he's he's a guy who's got endurance he's durable yeah he's not gonna
fall apart like this
job is too hard there was a list of jobs that like were more likely to be
replaced by ai and less
likely and for some reason less likely was roofers which i thought was
interesting i don't think they're
right they're gonna have robots that can do a lot of things yeah for sure they'll
have a roofing robot
that's not that difficult a roofie robot cosby will just start using a roofie
robot you're gonna miss
the value of a really hard job because there's a value in a really hard job and
i know a lot of
kids avoid hard jobs and you shouldn't do a hard job for your whole life but
there's a real value in a
hard job and that i i had a job well i've had a bunch of construction jobs when
i was a kid because my
stepdad's an architect so i worked on a lot of construction sites but i also
had a very good friend jimmy
lawless shout out to jimmy and uh when i was a kid i worked with him he was a
year older than me and
he'd already graduated he was a carpenter's apprentice at the time i believe he
might have actually been
a carpenter and i just needed a job and uh i think i was probably 18 or 19 and
i got a job working on
this construction site we were building a wheelchair ramp for a knights of columbus
hall and i had to carry
cement and pressure treated lumber all day that was the job i had terrible
nutrition i would like eat
sub sandwiches and drink a coca-cola and you're out there in the sun all day
long you're not hydrated
i was always dehydrated and i was carrying cement and pressure treated lumber
all day which is a gross
lumber that they have to soak in horrible chemicals yeah pressure treated
lumber like you would get these
splinters and they would get infected it was nasty like you're you're dealing
with whatever the
fucking chemical that they treat that thing with the radioactive shiny it's on
your skin yeah and it's
august so you're sweating so you're sweating like crazy this is getting in your
pores you're carrying
bags of cement you're breathing cement dust all day long and by two weeks i
quit and when i did quit i was i was
i was it was i was like okay now i know that if i don't get my together and
figure something out in
life that that could be the best paying job that i can get yep that whatever i
got that i mean it
probably wasn't even 20 bucks an hour i don't remember what you got paid and if
i get injured i don't
have health insurance and that's just my body yeah yeah and i was clearly
handling something that was
toxic yeah all day long like what is in pressure treated lumber what do they
use it's supposed to be
uh left outside to stop like insects and right that's what it does like termites
can't eat it
i have a weird question though it's poison is today's version of a poisonous
dangerous job like
that sitting at a desk looking at a computer all day well it very well could be
right and don't they
say that like led lights are actually not good for you now but just like
sitting at a desk that is
you know you don't have a standing desk you don't have one of these whatever
sibians or whatever i'm
sitting on and you're like i mean people just sending emails all day like is
that definitely
bad for your back it's tightened my lower back considerably um i think a big
part of it is
sitting like this all the time so i'm super conscious about it now where i do a
lot more lower back
exercises oh yeah than i ever used to do but you i got that machine you told me
to get where you lift
your back reverse hyper that's right yeah yeah louis simmons who was a legend
in powerlifting he invented
that because he crushed his discs and they told him that he had to get his
discs fused and he said
well if i crushed him can't i separate them and they're like no it can't be
done he's like i'll
figure it out so he made a machine and you climb on this machine and he
realized that in the descending
you're actually decompressing your back yeah and in the ascending you're
strengthening all the muscles
around your back it's a genius piece of equipment no he was one of the rare
people that i traveled to
do a podcast with oh cool yeah i got that's like the main machine i kind of
like have it's the
shit yeah he's also got a belt squat that he gave us before he passed and uh
that that machine's
awesome too you put a belt around your waist and then the cable goes down in
between your legs and
you're standing on a platform and there's a stack of weights behind you so
instead of doing squats
which are one of the best exercises of all time but the problem with squats is
if you're squatting heavy
you've got all that weight on your back okay it's all your if you've got like
400 pounds you're squatting
if you're a beast and you're you've got 400 pounds trying to crush all your
discs and the only
thing that's keeping that from happening is your strength all your core muscles
and your spine
muscles but you're compressing everything with that weight with a belt you're
not oh yeah is on your hips
and all the weight is down there there it is so that's me using it at his at
his place and then
he uh he gave us it's a sit down squat machine bullshit no these ones no i do
that no no no not
at all no that's a leg press that's that's a very like very good that's what i
do i just don't want
my knees are the problem with that is you ever see what happens when people
lock their legs out and it
bends backwards oh yeah what do you mean oh don't bet jamie don't jamie pull
that pull that up i'm
calling hr you need to know you need to know that this can happen because i saw
it happen to a lady
once in one of these videos that looked like she'd never worked out the one
with the guy sphincter came
out and i don't know without us getting in i was in getting ready to see what i'm
gonna find i was in the
sphincter algorithm i don't want to get in the knee snap algorithm uh well as a
person who's had three knee
surgeries i do i have always good schlotters in my left knee so i just have to
like and when you
squat are your are your knees supposed to go over your toes or not i do you 100
thank you 100 can
especially if you could build up to it i do knees over toes stuff yeah i had
that guy knees over toes
yeah on the podcast he's amazing i follow him you should everybody should
follow yeah he's a hundred
percent right yeah he's one i mean i will tell you 100 i there's no room for
error that guy's right yeah he
has an amazing protocol for strengthening all the muscles around your knees
yeah i followed it is
radically changed the progression of the injury and made my leg stronger than
it was before the injury
yeah i also do weighted vest kind of all day i've worked up it's only like 30
pounds what i do because
that's the gary brecca move oh is it 30 pounds is a lot you're carrying a 30
pound weight vest i have a
30 and i have a 15. so i realized that with my kid i'm i'm bending over so much
and picking him up so much i was
like i could probably like kind of work out all day if i really just like wear
a weighted vest so
that's a lot of weight to wear it's gotten taken from me at tsa a couple times
but i'll just get
it that's hilarious they take it if it's the place you're like jihad just
kidding just kidding
i'm like you think that's the worst thing in my bag
three off from the gun i have in my purse um just have like a digital recorder
in your pocket it looks
like you're ready to press a button so they put the vest back in the suitcase
ma'am
it's just like anthrax chill um but uh yeah they take it every now and then but
i kind of
just try to wear it like kind of all the time and then i'll do whenever i'm
writing like if i am
sitting down i'm going like i have to make sure that they're sitting down which
is so bad for me
there's something else happening so huberman gave me the um it's called it's a
red light but it's like
sauna space or it's just a bulb one big red light bulb is that that's the same
as the like the juve
or something that's like a bunch of little red lights was if it's working for
you it must be
yeah yeah i think so i don't i'm not a red light expert but i bought gary brecca's
machine oh the
full body guy big giant crazy body machine it's the can you go in there and
just like fall asleep or
something i do fall asleep but i'm always tired i'm always doing too much but
when i get in there
it's 20 minutes i just lay there for 20 minutes and 100 percent it's helping
with my eyesight but
you keep your eyes open you don't put the glass sometimes they give you like
glasses and your
glasses yeah fuck your glasses i'm i'm here to tell you i'm living proof unless
somehow or another my
eyes are getting damaged and i don't realize it how are they getting better
then yeah why is my vision
better that's the other thing why does it not bother me at all it doesn't seem
that strong when it's in
my eyes it's not like i'm like oh my god i can't look at it yeah if it was that
bad to look at
wouldn't it be hard to look at like the sun is hard to look at because it's bad
to look at that's right
you know bright lights we're like jesus christ yeah it's hard to look at yeah
this is not hard
to look at at all but it's also like with a lot of that's my meathead logic it
don't hurt don't worry
meathead logic is like it's we're we we're so suspicious of like simplicity
which like does it
work for you yes then it works you know what i mean if it works it works yeah
that works because
we're all like there's a ton of science behind red light therapy right
including like what frequency
it's at because this one that he has it's attached to an app and you go through
the app and you can
change it for different effects oh i don't know how much of that's real that's
what i'm saying it's
like dude here's the thing here's the thing i as a as an aspiring snake oil
salesman like i you know
i remember i was with a friend of mine uh who's a big like lawyer in la and we're
we're kind of more
friends he worked with prior and he just got all these stories like he was
there the day that michael
jackson's hair caught on fire like he was at the commercial like he's more like
just my buddy and
you know we were outside and um they're like mosquitoes and i had this like citronella
candle
you know and i was like oh let me light the candle so the mosquitoes and he's
like those don't work and
i was like it's citronella okay i'm gonna light it so that we don't get
mosquito bites and get bitten
whatever whatever's in the fentanyl water of this state and um he's like it
doesn't work and i was like yes
it does and he's like no i was like how do you know he's like because my dad
invented it it's fake
oh my god that's hilarious but like it also the flame he was like the flame
does deter them a little
bit so it doesn't not work but it's like you know so i'm fascinated by those
things and also i don't
know if when you were broke you ever just did like weird ass shit like i used
to do studies like when i
first moved to la no you were like a lab rat so here's the thing about studies
is like pretty much
anyone can sign up and it's usually people that need 50 bucks like now right so
that's already a
pretty biased sample of people people that are like for sure like in like in dt's
basically like shaking
needing drugs like this minute and you get 50 cash and the more you talk and
the more you complain the
more they'll ask you back so i'm not going to say these big companies that i
did stuff for but like
you know everything from food to skin care to i mean i did a lot of
pharmaceutical trials at
colleges that like the pill never came out like the fda never approved like
there's things where i'm like
wait did that ever get passed or i just took that for a month for what was the
you know but i also i took
accutane i took all kinds of stuff that's like you know bad news but um you
know so look in studies
like it's it's kind of the same group of people like where i was it was like
there were a lot of
by pink dot is where i used to live and there were all these like office
buildings you would go in
it was usually like 20 people and most of them just want to get the out of
there i would be like
so yeah no did you see some of the same people over and over again there was
like seven or eight
people we would all go to every study and we'd all get called back okay and you
get to know them
outside of the study and then now when i like look at like side effects of a
pill and it's like
drowsiness i'm like that's jocelyn dude that's her she's always drowsy though
she's drowsy even
when she's not in the study like are we hung out but like these are people that
always would like
like headaches like he always has a headache dude i saw him before he took that
pill like he's always
complaining about headaches like these are human beings that just say what they
have to say to try
to get into more studies i'm not saying this isn't all true like that's
hilarious i'm just fascinating
because as someone who was a flawed desperate person who needed 50 i was very
much like well
what about this yeah and by the time they ask you if you have it you probably
do they're like did this
cause anxiety i'm like well i'm in a study for money so yeah i i have anxiety
now that i think if i
wasn't anxious before you just made me realize how much my life sucks like like
it was like ucla would
be like depression if you have depression come do this study it's like even if
i don't have it now by
the time i get to the study i'll be depressed that this is my life so sure you
know so studies i'm
always a little bit like and who what person like the thing that gets thrown
around a lot i had a boy
and uh people always want to throw around like girls mature faster it's like it
makes sense but you're
like who put me in a cage with the guy that wanted to study boys and girls maturing
what do you like like you were watching girls and boys mature or what do you
what is this human
biology is fascinating i don't physical maturity i don't leave out the possible
both right i think but
why wouldn't you want to study that that's like one of the weirdest things that
happens to people
is you know when a person is an adult well we have an agreement at 18 you get
it yeah okay so what's
happening how do you define this is it physical maturity is it well girls are
better in school
it seems like their minds develop faster they believe their frontal lobe is
fully formed quicker
with boys i think it takes till they're 25 until your frontal lobe is fully
formed it's probably
testosterone which is like some probably some kind of mental poison which is
probably why people associate
testosterone with shitty behavior right because there's probably part of it at
least that's
like a little bit toxic they say boys should be moving when they're learning
yeah well they also
need to blow it out and a lot of boys don't they don't blow it out so if you're
not playing football
or wrestling or doing something that's really hard to do you're you're at this
weird stage of your life
where you used to be a child and then all of a sudden you start getting
testosterone yeah and
then you're looking in the mirror like what the hell's happening to me and you're
a child right so
you're 13 14 years old your body's developing it's fucking weird yeah it's
weird and then you start
getting aggressive well kids are a lot of boys are aggressive early on but a
different kind of aggressive
yeah like a violent dangerous aggressive yeah kids get 15 and 16 and they start
playing around with
violence a lot more and you know you have schoolyard fights they get pretty
brutal you know things
become different when boys become more dangerous and that's a like a primordial
instinct to like find
the pecking order of the tribe kind of thing yeah the lord of the flies type
thing or do you think
i want to go back to that in a second or don't have to but i was just going to
say this is why it's
probably important because it's always associated with dumb people and there's
probably some accuracy
to that because the the people that i know that have been the most brilliant
scientists except for
huberman there are a lot of them are very low testosterone males yeah right and
they're males that
became like very interested intellectual pursuits and they're way better at it
is it because they're
better at it because they spend so much time doing it or is it because of the
testosterone is it because
these higher testosterone men are distracted all the time they're more angry
and they're more horny
and they're more reckless they want to skydive and do crazy shit like yeah is
that is the is that what
it is like it might be it might be a factor and if these guys did have low
testosterone they'd probably
be interested in being stimulated in some other way or is it just that
intelligent people recognize
that these are stupid pursuits yeah and i'm not interested even if i have
normal testosterone well it's
probably a combination of all those things but it seems to be like there's a
lot you associate a
scientist with like a nerdy weak guy you associate a meathead as you know some
jack guys being really
fucking stupid why because we pattern wreck right right of course but is it
because they're actually
dumber like biologically or is it because they're dumber and they have more
testosterone i'm also
fascinated by the way we define intelligence and maturity by the way um uh i
heard this quote the other day and i
i don't know who said it it was in a um i don't know but it was um because we
spend so much time
trying to uh gain intelligence i want to know everything i need to be so you
know i want to
learn i want to learn i want to you know um and then i think there's a certain
point maybe it's because
i've had a kid i'm sort of more interested in like wisdom especially also when
you've been around long
enough and you've seen things you found to be true be completely debunked like
remember when we all
thought soy milk was healthy and now half my guy friends have tits and my
girlfriend's tits all got cut off i'm like
like everyone i know has cancer and i'm like we were just like deep throating
soy milk like i
you know so how much glyphosate's in that stuff after you've been conned enough
you're sort of like
you know i think very skeptical about um accepting these like new truths and
look we learned that the
native americans and the pilgrims had like a fun dinner they like got along
great like that's what like
did you have a mural in my school of the native americans and the pilgrims like
having dinner like having a great time like i
feel like that's not how it went down you know so when enough things get sort
of debunked but this
quote i loved which is um intelligence is knowing that a tomato is a fruit
wisdom is knowing not to
put it in the fruit salad and i like that that's good that's logical you know
because like there's also
there's different kinds of intelligence yeah and there's the intelligence to be
able to push yourself
physically it's you don't think of an intelligence because it's not like
equations it's not problem solving but it
is problem solving because it's problem solving emotions and anxiety and fear
and you're doing it
with your willpower that is it's mental fortitude is it's a part of
intelligence it's just not a
recognized part of intelligence for people that are absorbed with all the other
pursuits people that
are really heavily absorbed with mathematics would never think that like
endurance running is a mental
pursuit but it might be all mental well that's the thing when you say like
athletes meatheads like
that's i mean football's all math you know what i mean it's like i think we
also just have this
we talk about stereotypes against women we don't talk a lot of stereotypes
about men like he's an
athlete he must be dumb you know what i mean like there's just these kind of um
i think sort of silly
assumptions like you know i'm obsessed with commercials from the 90s where
every man just like had down
syndrome like remembering like every commercial the woman was like i have to
feed my husband and he's
just like where's the front door like it like in sitcoms men are always
portrayed as if they just
like have one chromosome you know and um uh i'm sort of fascinated by that but
the definition yeah
what does intelligence mean does it mean memorizing a bunch of stuff from a
book that like
wasn't our textbooks written by like glane maxwell's dad or something i'm dead
serious
no i think you might be right like i is that it it's without going too far he
did do something about
consolidating a bunch of medical journals uh the textbook thing maybe there was
there was a
there was a history textbook that was like um and uh you know so memorizing a
bunch of stuff that like
may or may not be true like that's not intelligence necessarily like you could
be falling for a con i
think intelligence right like we're talking about what humberman said about
medical journals right
you know that he had talked to that professor and he said what percentage the
guy was like at least 50.
yeah 50 if that percent and then who is wild and who paid for the other ones
that's so wild yeah the
idea that we know everything is crazy here's another weird thing that you you
said something that football's
all math there was this really weird thing that i was reading about the
invention of mathematics and they
were talking about one of the most the biggest conundrums in the universe is
that they invent
this thing humans invent this thing to try to solve the universe and they find
out that the universe is
encoded with it is this like the turtle shell is the calendar this really
stressed me out i did see
that i did see that but i didn't i didn't look into that at all this was like i
wanted to bring it up
on here see if we could dive into what exactly this guy is saying but
essentially saying the universe
is made out of the thing that we invented to measure it that's how he described
it to my monkey mind
right like that math was something the human being like calculus like advanced
physics like
these crazy equations call eric weinstein immediately call terence howard
someone
eric weinstein and he would explain differential equations i don't understand
what that even means i can
say those words right right right right but we invented it humans invented that
so that they
could figure out how the universe is made like what what what what is the
structure of things how
to measure things but the universe itself is encoded with this it's like it is
made out of the thing
that we invented to try to figure out my adjacent tangent while jamie looks up
whatever that is uh because i
i can't really respond to it except with this um uh uh sort of realization that
all the movies that current
tech onto our benjamin franklin's of our day grew up on science fiction movies
in many ways formed what
they believe a future should look like like you had someone on the podcast
someone sent me this clip about how
this clip about how you said like how is ai going to kill us and he goes i can't
tell you because i
would never have thought of it like i can't think of it how like it wouldn't
even occur to me to know
what they would do yeah it'll do some slick roy jones jr on you that's what it's
gonna do it's gonna
do the roy jones jr of tech and it's gonna do it where in a way that we could
have never possibly
thought that it would control us in that manner and then it would just govern
us and probably limit our
breeding and that would be a wrap like how tech bros like grew up watching
weird science so by the time
they go to start inventing stuff you know like how that influenced the way that
they invent things i
think ai is probably going to tell us to either adapt or go away it's going to
give us those options
because i think it's going to say you can't keep doing the same thing over and
over and over again and
expect a different result yeah what you're talking about war and stealing money
and embezzlement and
fraud and the amount of money that's in politics and congress and the amount of
politicians that lie
you've been doing it this way forever forever if ai said listen you can't
govern things anymore you guys
are super corrupt yeah you're not going to change you can't do any of the
things you've been doing in
terms of distribution of wealth controlling of natural resources but you dug a
hole in the ground
so you get the world's oil fuck you yeah that's crazy you don't own the oil
because you own the
ground it's literally a part of the world so we'll take all the oil distributed
to everybody if i was ai
that's what i would be saying to try to find some kind of i'm not saying i'm
not saying oil to oil
people you don't own the oil but then it kind of ai would think that well so
you think ai would have
a concept of like fairness and would would go everyone should have a certain
amount of happiness or would ai go well
this is how things have always been so like it would recognize that human
beings are so destructive
and so often full of and manipulative and looking to just figure out a reason
or a way
that they can sneak something through or make something happen or overthrow a
government
ai is going to go you can't do it that way yeah we're not going to give you
that kind of power anymore
because you guys are abusive every single time you get a lot of power but then
it's going to be like okay
what do the people do now what if the people resort to violence and then it's
going to say like look
you can't have any more kids you guys are making kids they're not you're going
to either have to
integrate with us or you're going to have to go away so they're going to go you
have to us
i guess you have to us of course that's always where it ends so but because ai
is is based on
an amalgam of all of us by that very nature wouldn't it mean that they would
abuse their power once they
get it they're going to go you abuse power but because we do maybe but why are
we doing it like
are we doing it because of chimp instincts right like i'm reading this book the
chimp paradox uh
recommended by ronnie o'solomon you're that book the chimp paradox that's what
it's called right
make sure i get it right but it's all about uh you have like a person in your
head and a chimp in your
head and you got to decide like when to listen to the champion yeah that's it
that's the book very good book on
mental management and ronnie o'sullivan is like one of the greatest snooker
players of all time if not
the greatest what's what game snooker they call it snooker snooker in england
it's a crazy cool game
that's like a pool game but it's a way bigger table it's like a 12-foot table
and there's different rules
and i don't understand it totally i don't know how the score goes i don't i don't
i've never played it but
this guy was just a fucking wizard at it but like most wizards he's a crazy
person sure he had a hard
time managing his mind you know he'd just go off the rails and think he was
useless and think he could
never win yeah you know and just whatever fucking mental demons you battle when
you're truly brilliant
at something he recommended that book i doug i thought i could just get into
some weird space about
pythagoras's stuff some guy wrote an article about the math thing yeah that was
kind of in the title
humans internet mathematics is what the world is made of he wrote about it
pythagoras is revenge most people think mathematics is a human invention to
this way of thinking
mathematics is like a language it may describe real things in the world but it
doesn't exist outside
of the minds of the people who use it but the pythagorean school of thought in
ancient greece held a
different view its proponents believed reality is fundamentally mathematical
more than 2 000 years later
philosophers and physicists are trying to take this idea seriously as i argue
in a new paper
mathematics is an essential component of nature that gives structure to the
physical world honeybees
and hexagons bees live in hives produce hexagonal honeycomb why according to
the honeycomb
conjecture in mathematics hexagons are the most efficient shape for tilling the
plane
if you want to fully cover a surface using tiles of a uniform shape and size
while keeping the total
length of the perimeter to a minimum hexagons are a shape to use have you seen
when someone
test if honey is real or not and they put honey on a plate and it just starts
forming a hexagon
sick what yeah is that real that's dude bees are so metal dude
they're so metal you know there's more metal tell me the wasps who behead the
bees don't get me
started on wasps oh dude those wasps who come in and just wipe out an entire
colony there's a big
ass wasp infestation i think coming next summer to california oh wasps are
scary dude they don't
they aren't they just assholes like they don't even have predators like they
don't even serve any
purpose except to just kick the shit out of these i don't know what purpose
they serve other than
scared the out of me although bears eat the larvae oh really yeah dude i got stung
by a wasp
you know i if you go underwater they'll wait for you they wait they're like the
belgian malinois
they're just dicks like they're just instead of moving on they wait whereas a
bee doesn't want to
sting you if you get stung by a bee like well a hornet can sting you over and
over again a wasp can
sting you over and over again a bee can only sting you once and it's dead it's
only stinging you to get
you the away yeah they don't want to sting you yeah they want you to get the
away from the queen or
get the away from the hive they don't just want to sting you for no reason you
had the bee lady i think
on here yes she dm me about something because i like i'll like get bees out of
my pool all the time
when they're like drowning even though they do have the ability to make their
wings go so fast that they
can get out of the water when they go in circles so sick but i was like rescuing
them from my pool and
she was like if a bee is out that means they're a forager bee and they're gonna
die in a couple days
anyway oh so you're risking your life for two minutes yeah trying not to drown
yeah i'm just
stopping darwinism i found a few videos it could be bullshit apparently but it
does it is weird when
you pour water into the honey it starts forming a hexagon like a honeycomb whoa
what and they're
saying it's like a memory which everyone says that's that's bullshit but it's
doing how's that not just
water bubbles mixed in with the honey uh when people have done fake honey it
dilutes it in a different
way but someone the top comment here said they did the same thing that happened
that was one of the
things that beekeeper lady was telling us is a lot of honey's it's got corn
syrup in it oh yeah i mean
as i have my two jars of honey in front of me but i do try when i travel to eat
local honey when i land
yeah she said that's bullshit too that thing about it like well helping your
immune system but i don't know
how you would know that placebo effect is an effect so now what it's it's good
for you though honey's
good for you it's some good aspects to it manuka honey anything on that i think
topically scam yeah
she said they just had a good pr agent good for them but there is psychedelic
honey do you know about
that yeah this is wild because the way they have to collect it it grows on
cliff sides so these guys
they have to repel and risk their life to get this honey that makes you trip
balls
because there's a special kind of flour i guess that has a psychedelic compound
in it and i don't know
what that compound is a guy brought it in i tried it it was interesting he said
just take a half a
spoonful so i said you we're going in i took the whole spoonful i'm like let's
see let's see what's
up um it's something there's something there is there something about the sugar
the just what it looks
like but see if you can show them harvesting because when they harvest this is
how they do it
how crazy is that so this guy's on this giant rope ladder and probably doesn't
have any safety
is that a mushroom oh whoa those are all the hives that's how they grow under
cliffs so sick and what
is it that if a bee stings you does it help with inflammation like if you're
sometimes yeah sometimes
it helps people with like arthritis and yeah like bee stings like people have
used them to alleviate
certain forms of arthritis make sure that's true or the yeah the pain is so
severe that you just
hear about the lady that fell out of a plane i think she was skydiving i think
it was a skydiving
exercise and uh she landed on a um a fire ant colony and they kept her alive
because they stung the
fuck out of her and her adrenaline literally kept her alive and is that also
what i remember i had my
ear look at that look at that little motherfucker so sick this is the honey bee
sting therapy how it
works okay how does it work click on this one says too risky for treating osteoarthritis
i think it's
oh don't be a pussy that's just because they can't patent bees i mean isn't
that what acupuncture is like
based on i mean if they could if they get patent bees then they would make you
do it yeah yeah bill gates is
buying all the force you you you need to get vaccinated for arthritis and it
would be like
arthritis is costing us so much arthritis is actually a disease it's costing us
so much money
that's it and we've patented bees so we're gonna you gotta you have to get stung
by our bees
yeah that's so funny it's like it didn't nmn didn't they start taking that off
the market so
they could make it prescription now or something is that true they're probably
trying to do a lot of
that yeah yeah like they're trying to keep like certain peptides from becoming
legal it's
silly yeah it's all good for people i know you're not going to make money off
of it doesn't mean it's
not good for the overall human race yeah you shouldn't be able to stop products
that are super
beneficial just because you can't profit off of them that means you have a
captive industry that's not
good for anybody it's not good for you that you're allowed to do that shouldn't
be allowed to do that
it's not good for anybody else peptides are really beneficial to people and
some of them are okay
as long as they're making a ton of money of them yeah off of them like these we'll
go v peptides
yeah you know the ones that like glp-1 inhibitors those do you know the numbers
of people that are on
those now it's kooky it's like more than 10 million in this country how much
what's the number of people
that are on uh glp-1s and is that also called ozempic that's right yeah we'll
go v there's a bunch of
different names for basically it's a glp-1 it's a peptide and i mean there's
good press about it
there's bad press about it it's like you know the person i saw this morning
like she's like i lost 60
pounds like i was gonna like it was you know she's like even if there's side
effects like i i was gonna
get diabetes like it was bad you know like 100 obesity was our big problem so
you know it's like almost
everything there's like goods and bad stuff like i said i took accutane when i
was i think 14 or 15
and they're like oh well side effect is you're suicidal i'm like when you're 15
and you have acne
you're suicidal like i'll take whatever the side effects are yo this is nuts
okay no full year uh
total exact full year total uh publicly available from major sources as data
through september shows
rapid growth but lacks a december closeout true veta data reports 12 million 203
000 and nine glp-1
prescriptions from january 2018 to september 2025. wow 12 million prescriptions
is a lot
but i gotta think that's way more today because in 2018 you're not getting a
lot of people like
i would like to see like a chart of when it kicks in so it's 6.5 of all u.s
prescriptions up slightly
from prior quarters and when your insurance companies they should theoretically
support it and pay for it
well definitely if you're morbidly obese it'll prevent you from a lot of real
problems of morbid
obesity if you can really get it together with this and then when there's a
bunch of negative stuff
about it i'm like did the lap band pay for this well it's all look you can
definitely
have side effects like brian simpson took it and he he had horrible side
effects he had to get off of
it but it but it also there's a lot of people that took it and they lost 100
pounds and they're way
healthier than they would be before it's just like the way brigham buehler from
ways to well described
he said it's like it has to be taken conjunction with other things that keep
your body from wasting
away and you should be doing strength like peter atti has talked about this
yeah as well you should be
doing strength training while you're doing it like because you will you you're
going to lose weight because
you're not you're at a calorie deficit so you're going to lose muscle too and
you're going to lose
bone density yeah so you got to mitigate that yeah so there's an idea that they
would combine them
with i think they did something with peptides with like an igf-1 along with
this and the two of them
together keep you from wasting away yeah i was doing like that metformin for a
minute and i was like
yeah you lose muscle mass but you're like but also the effect of sugar like you
know so now i'll just
take it every now and then when i eat like a lot of pasta or i want to have
like a you know the metformin one's very
polarizing yeah a lot of people really believe in it a lot of people think it's
a crazy idea yeah
i'm like i'm pretty steady i do like the nmn nr which is like the true nitrogen
stuff i mean huberman
as i'm just like tell me what to do uh nac uh i'm i'm like i'm sauna i'm and
then also sometimes it's
like the absence of things sometimes like what are you doing it's like what are
you not doing like
there's a point where you're just like i that person's an acquaintance not a
friend like there's certain
like i feel like maybe it's when you become a mom you have to also reassess
like your emotional diet
or your mental diet of like as well yeah you know you just have to do that as
an adult anyway true
otherwise you're just going to run into problems all the time that are totally
avoidable yeah and
they're not these people just they make the same fucking mistakes over and over
and over that's right
they drag you into their bullshit and you don't want to change like you're in
like you're addicted to
adrenaline i'm obsessed with all the addictions that aren't like a substance
drugs alcohol it's like
oh you're a gambling addict just with women or just with men or like you're an
adrenaline a drama addict
like i can't it's like do you this is how i say it do you look forward to
hanging out with that person
and if you don't then it's a chore if you you look forward to hanging out with
someone like even if
they're crazy it's like all right it's okay yeah totally it's okay this is fun
it's it's it's all like
what are we all doing we're all trying to get along together you know and if we're
if one of us is not
trying to do that one of us is out for self and yeah you know there's certain
people that are just
they just can't get their together yeah and desperate people do desperate stuff
and i think that
with what we do like you know it's interesting because some friendships you
know they'll just
be like oh come on the podcast and it's like we haven't hung out though either
like we don't text
like right comics i think it becomes transactional it starts feeling weird such
a big part of what
you've done like for comedy is like you know that green room and having a space
that's like not on
camera like comics i think started going so crazy during the pandemic myself
being one of them because
it's like all of our conversations were monetized and for public consumption we
stopped just hanging out
off camera right and a lot of people were doing it remotely so they were having
podcasts remotely with their
friends that was like their only human interaction that's right that's so bad
nothing i did during
the pandemic should have been filmed but like you know we also have to actively
go out of our way to
be off camera too guys you know yeah well communities like it's so important
yeah the people that don't
think it's important just don't have it that's right if you have it and you
have a bunch of friends
and you get to hang out and have fun together it's like oh yeah it's like a
like it's like stepping into
a well of love like that's it oh we're all here what's up and also just like
like you know i don't
have to tell you you know those comics that you like look up to so much of
their legends and then
all of a sudden they just stop being funny and you're like how did this happen
you know whether
it's because they've you know incubated themselves against uh you know doing
what normal people do on
a daily basis and you know assistance but they surround themselves they're not
friends with comics
it's always that it's like how did that person they're just not friends with
comics and they don't have
someone humbling them constantly and pushing back and giving them and all the
motivations that got
them to be funny when they were younger have been eliminated because almost all
of it is try to get
extra attention that's right from girls or from your friends you're trying to
be funny you have no
motivation to be funny anymore because everybody loves you and you're rich and
being a comic is a lot
i think of like having almost intentional um contrarian Tourette's where you'll
just say some
shit that like it's a crazy premise like sometimes stand up stand up is like
saying something that
isn't true and then proving it you know and to say some and have someone fight
back with you that's
why i think comics when people like why do comics talk about woke culture so
much it's like because
we see disagreeing as an interesting conversation you guys see it as fascism
and
like also woke culture is trying to dictate what people can and can't say and
we can disagree and
you can't tell me what i can and can't say my body my choice but not what your
mouth does yeah yeah
yeah you can't just you can't just start saying punch a nazi like settle down
yeah figure out what
a nazi really is yeah what are you saying that's what you're a nazi because you
you know you don't
think biological males should be competing with women in sports because i've
heard that thrown out that
way well that's crazy talk you don't get to define things like that that's what
you're doing when
you're fighting against woke culture you're fighting against nonsense that can't
stand up to facts and
the thing about things that stand up to facts is people usually don't defend
them violently they
usually discuss them clearly because it's obvious this is this one you it's not
backed up by facts yeah
so the opposition of it is like violent and angry like they want to stop debate
they want to stop
conversation this is what the problem with woke culture is what it is it's just
an ideology like
any other one it's got its own rules and because it's not based on logic it has
to be very angry
it has to scare you do people look at hippies like this in the 70s they wanted
to do that that's how
the cia tricked the the the hippies into doing all that manson shit that's what
they were trying to do
with the whole charles manson have you ever read that tom the chaos what's the
chaos yes i have it
i've started it tom o'neill's book it's fucking incredible can't recommend it
enough yeah um but
it's all about them discredit so they were terrified of the love movement they
were terrified of all these
people that were taking acid and going to woodstock and they were like jesus
christ we're we're losing the
cultural battle and so they got together with charles manson and gave him a
bunch of acid
and taught him how to mind people and this guy went out and killed a bunch of
people and they
blamed it on the hippies they're like oh my god we got to make acid illegal
they made acid illegal like
that year and then the whole world went kooky they shut down all the psychedelics
that was the sweeping
schedule one act of 1970 like when was the manson murders what year was the manson
murders and while
you're finding that i'm obsessed with cia um the philippines operation the 50s
where they made it look
like vampires suck the blood of a bunch of the rebels have you seen this did it
really i've heard
about this before i forgot about 69 so the manson murders happened in 69 oh
yeah in 1970 acid mushrooms
dmt all that stuff becomes illegal schedule one yeah that's crazy they threw
water on a movement of
people abandoning this path that they see their family on their mother and
their father and they're
not happy and these people are dying unhappy and they're getting heart attacks
and they're dropping
dead at 60 and these kids are saying i don't want that in my life i want to
follow the grateful dead
yeah i want to make art i want to dance i want to go to music festivals i'll
figure out how to live
and they were like no way we don't want war make love not war what americans in
the street yeah
saying love not war never before not 1947 right the think about the end of
world war ii you couldn't
imagine americans in the street but in 1967 they're doing it 1967 they don't
want to go to vietnam and
they're saying no to war and they're in the street and they're wearing flowers
they call them flower
children crazy so they had to turn them into monsters and so they got manson
women had to wear bras
again nightmare all that stuff like i got in a wormhole on the cia and hendrix
and and cobain i'm like
i just can't there's certain things i think they have their fingers and
probably everything they can get
their fingers in yeah all of it and do they have to i think they do like in
some ways but the problem is
they have power that they probably shouldn't have and then there's always going
to be some crazy guy
who keeps pushing things and next thing you know you're selling coke in nicaragua
dude this guy
so it was there was some like a myth in the philippines about this like vampire
that would kill p whatever
it was and then they in the middle of the night take these rebels that they
need to deal with and they
drain them of their blood and put sorry puncture i'm just obsessed with the guy
that had to do the
puncture marks like there's a guy who had to like do the vampire marks and so
that everybody woke up
and these rebels that they were following they saw that they had been attacked
by vampires in it how
did they kill them before they drained their blood how many dudes did they
whack too that's kind of
crazy that's so wild that's a great idea so sick that's what i'm saying imagine
if you were a
soldier and you thought you're really in a blade movie you thought this was
real i mean if you're
living in the philippines and what i mean i don't know what their education was
right i imagine it's
not the best yep you're you're fighting vampires right or you think vampires
are yeah but imagine being the
guy who was like that's not real the philippines guy that's like that's not
real and then i was like oh
shit like that's crazy yeah yeah or the guy who's like told you that's crazy
yeah just the kurt medzger
who's like told you what year was this the 50s wow it's the ashwaga was it
called the ashwaga was
the name of the vampires they were scared of people are so nuts they really but
this is like when you read
this stuff about the cia and you're like what are they doing now to make it
look like this and it's
really that so the cia combat psi war squad and this so it says the psi war
squad set up an ambush
along the trail used by the hucks when a huck patrol came along the trail the
ambushers silently snatched
the last man of the patrol their move unseen in the dark night they punctured
his neck with two holes
vampire fashion held the body up by its heels drained it of blood and then put
the corpse back on the trail
when the hucks returned looking for the missing man and found their bloodless
comrade every member of
the patrol believed that the aswang had got him and that one of them would be
next if they remained on
that hill when daylight came the whole huck squadron moved out of the vicinity
wow what a gangster yeah
a train squad how many times did they do it
so sick so uh what's the scare tactic they did it to apparently only used once
to dislodge a squadron so it was only one time that they did one guy that was
only one body
what a dope move so sick so that's all you gotta do to let the fear spread i
love that i would run off
that mountain i'm not convinced vampires aren't real i'm not convinced i see i
see what i saw i know what
i saw even if it's an animal i think mathematically they can't exist i think
someone has actually done
the numbers on this that mathematically vampires wind up killing everyone oh
you know when it would be
nothing but no what are you talking about someone else researched it and said
that they might not
have even worked because they didn't have a vampire like lore in the region
they had something else
where they said that they fed on this hater dork fed on fetuses of pregnant
woman oh yeah but either way
it's a monster that drained the guy of its blood by biting him in the neck but
it's also like there's
not vampires oh there's just the american cia even worse i'd rather there be
vampires dude
if they even tried to do it we're all so which description was from the one
that you read was
from lansdale and lansdale is this guy who yeah that guy is a vampire what are
you talking about
so he's the ad exec turned cia operative who masterminded the plot what a
genius i love
shit like that but there's something going on here right now that is that being
in a room doing coke
and pitching that idea okay guys i have an idea you know that hole puncher that
we use down here i
have an idea and for everyone was like for a second you snatch the guy and you
have to keep him from
yelling so if you cover his mouth he's got to be the last guy in the patrol you
have to snatch him so the
guy right in front of them doesn't hear it that's a lot of muffling keep him
from screaming you gotta
hold on to his body keep him from fighting back and do you think they put
something like a needle
with a it doesn't sound like they did not yet it sounds like they just held
that guy and cut his
neck and then hung him up by his ankles this is always my thing if this is what
we know what do we
not know oh we don't know a lot anything we don't know a lot especially when
crazy stuff comes out i'm
i'm like if this is like epstein-less whatever if this is what they told us
right it's so bad they
did one vampire thing that was the first time they ever did that they had to
practice a couple
times a few times it didn't work at all they had to practice blindfolded they
had to kill everyone
lansdale brags about an improvised bit of homemade voodoo he called the eye of
god it was based on a
world war ii psi war tactic of learning the names of individual german officers
and announcing on the
battlefield over loudspeakers that they'd be the next to die if they didn't
surrender holy
shit lansdale's twist was to paint a cryptic symbol he called the eye of god
outside the homes the
suspected huck sympathizers the mysterious presence of these malevolent eyes
the next morning had a
sharply sobering effect wrote lonsdale that's crazy isn't it like lansdale does
stuff like that make you
feel like people are monsters like we're like fake news news has just always
been like maybe this is
the realest truest news we've ever had when you think about back then it was
all just gossip yeah um
well i think they definitely controlled the news way better back then and they
can do things like
the gulf of tonkin yeah you know where they just decide that they're gonna
pretend that we got attacked
so that we can go to war and who knows how many people died because of that and
that's crazy that they
did it and got away with it that's a real tactic this is the i think this is
the crazy part is that he
was an ad whiz for all these companies and then he volunteered to go to the
army and they recognized
his special talents he's like i'm not getting enough evil done working for nabisco
he's the pioneer of
psychological wait wait wait wait wait wait started psyops this is fascinating
because this is like
i've worked i mean i sell jeans that cost ten dollars for 80 bucks like trust
me i know how
to trick people like it's so fascinating when you're like people went from
working in an ad agency to
sell products to like convincing people vampires were real it just fucking
genius yeah i mean i love that
it genius what a great idea and what's the genius thing now that we're being
convinced of that's like
oh i bet they do some of the stuff just for fun to keep practicing remember
like charcoal toothpaste
was a thing i'm like that every day charcoal in your mouth in my mouth works
works because charcoal it
absorbs it cleans your teeth it's really good at cleaning your teeth where did
we land on this root
canals are bad thing i don't know about that i've been i'm meaning to talk to
my orthodontist about it
i haven't had a chance i'm just trying to figure out i know a bunch of people
that are thinking about
getting their root canals removed and getting a post put in i'm like is that
better you're going to
get a drill bit but isn't it more about opening it and bacteria getting in and
getting into your
lining of your brain i can't i know me too i'm like dude i've been sucking on
uh coconut oil and doing
black seed oil in my mouth and just like tell me what to do i'll start eating
charcoal if that's what
needs to happen so this is i don't know um but like yeah what are the things
that we're kind of like
falling for right now or being scared of like i feel like there are a lot of
tests like drove what
are the things that are bothering us that we don't know about like the iridium
girls like what about
wi-fi what if we find out that wi-fi is making us less and less in tune with
our life or less in
tune with our environment or dulls a certain part of your brain i think with or
without the like beams
harming us the phone is doing that anyway right has there been any long-term
studies on sci-fi or
excuse me cell phone sci-fi cell phone signals on their interference with
things other than bees
because i know they do interfere with bees well isn't that it was that
confirmed because it was also could
have been fertilizer and i think there's something there's a reason why they
believe that it has an
impact what is the reason why they think cell phone signals have an impact on
bees i think that's not
pseudoscience i think that's i think there's a real reason for believing
because they i mean there's
something about how they navigate and you know what they do that those signals
that are in the air with
them could them up i don't understand i am on i have a lot of wi-fi at my house
and i have bees
fucking everywhere um but yeah that may be why yeah yeah maybe it's like it's
like 11 when they turn on
the sirens when i when i um was pregnant i was listening to like whale sounds a
lot oh that's so
crazy and i because when you have a baby in you it's like an amphibian it's
breathing right and fluid
right that's smart and then i was like but what if these whales are like
fighting like i don't know
what they're saying a bunch of race yeah yeah yeah yes cell phone signals can
affect bees causing
behavioral changes like increased agitation and worker piping an alarm sound
indicating disturbance
those sensationalized claims linking them directly to mass colony collapse are
not fully supported by
science studies show bees are sensitive to the electromagnetic fields from
active phones
disrupting their normal communication and potentially leading to disorientation
so here's the thing
do we know if it affects us like we don't really know i mean there's a lot of
people that oh emf man
and there's a lot of people are like oh it's all but what is the reality do we
really know and isn't
all this stuff fairly recent yeah i mean there is jamie you can find this and i
won't um to corroborate
because i won't know the exact year but their t-mobile had put aside like a lot
of money for for
possible lawsuits with all this stuff so i did i did you know i always have
some weird side
thing when you made a documentary on violence that's right on uh calcio storico
with pete berg by the
way um and uh uh i still want to go i still want to go it's in flor it's in
florida it's every june when
you want to go no to see calcio storico no that would be so no that would be so
sick
um because it's not trained fighters it's just like butchers and oh those guys
are trained oh i mean
they're they're not like professional i mean oh i don't know about that oh
really some of them look
like they absolutely knew how to fight agree they train all year to do this but
they're not
like um is that sure are you sure they don't have any mma fights or anything
maybe i don't know i'm
watching some of those guys i'm like that guy looks like he's fought they're
all training all year for
this thing but i think they have other jobs like professionally it's kind of
like and it's right
okay you know but but yeah they all look like they're like but not all of them
just like a few
guys look like ringers yeah when i'm watching it i'm you know i'm watching
these guys duke it out some
guys look like they belong there and other guys look like that's an mma fighter
that's a guy who's
throwing leg kicks and they say that crime goes down in the region to zero
during that month
i mean why why am i opposed to that when i'm not opposed to mma i don't know
yeah oh yeah it's
i mean it's it probably just will annoy you to watch people so bad at this
getting no no it's not even
that it's just like i worry that we're moving in a direction where violence is
team violence
team violence like that leads to war like individual violence is a one-on-one
person
it's your skills against his skills your mind against his mind your will how
well you've prepared
the discipline that you showed in training your iq in terms of fighting iq that's
a fascinating contest to
me but the when you see teams of dudes running each other and each other up
like that to me is like
what are you asking for okay what are you getting people excited about what
fascinates me about it
is what we were talking about earlier with the ai and everything of like
knowing what humans need in
order to stay whether it's satiated um you know uh bridled in some way of like
if ai takes away all the
hard things or whatever like with a whack-a-mole of what are people going to
start doing you know when
they don't have like if ai is like this is too crazy you guys are fighting too
much like but if we're
born to kind of fight and need to that's why we're gonna have to integrate yeah
merge put that chip in
your brain whitney look we're all gonna have i think i've worse things in my
brain just like we're all
saying like oh i don't want to email everybody has an email we've already
merged with our phones i mean
when i leave my phone i feel it in my gut i'm like where is it 100 like i there's
times when i'm like
driving home and i'm like i have completely atrophied like i don't even have
peripheral
vision i don't have muscle memory of how to get home right you forgot you
forgot how to navigate la
yeah like we are a unit if you try to go through la and you don't have a
navigation system now you're
they call photos memories because your memories are in there they're not in
your head
it's like i look like memories i'm like i forgot about that because it's in
here right you literally
don't even remember and then you see the picture and now you remember yeah they
do like a year ago
today i'm like oh right right i didn't log that you ever have a friend tell
your story and you're like
oh i forgot about that trip crazy it's weird crazy like you just didn't have it
accessible that's
right how did i delete that you deleted it why did i delete it you got no room
there's too many things
especially a person like you who's constantly talking to people constantly
going to different
places like it's like too much novel yeah it's getting into your head that's
right too many novel
stories novel conversations like oh wow oh whoa did you know did you do and it's
like after a while
your hard drives like bitch we're bleeding out too much yeah and i'm like why
do i remember every
lyric to every r kelly song but i cannot remember what happened last week it's
funny
i wish you would do you remember america have you seen america oh yeah i'm
gonna bring you back to
america america it doesn't he say like did you get your shots did you get your
shots did you get your
vaccine let's fill out your paper do you want to come to america with robert or
something yeah oh my
god it was amazing amazing amazing we won't we'll play this just for us and we'll
end this with with
that let me hear that part that's the other thing it's like you can't put it on
extreme extreme left
people they'll be like america's full of fascist nazis but let everyone in come
here technically
not a release song but i don't know if he has oh it's like on youtube yeah no
no just we'll wrap
it up did you get your shots what shots i love you at the comedy mothership all
weekend sold out sorry
bitches do you have your passport do you want to wrap it up all right we'll
wrap it up now you play it
now bye everybody