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Shane Gillis is the co-host of “Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast,” a creator and star of Netflix’s comedy series “Tires,” and one half of the sketch comedy duo “Gilly and Keeves.” His most recent special, “Beautiful Dogs,” is streaming on Netflix. https://www.netflix.com/title/81635847 https://www.youtube.com/@MSsecretpod https://www.youtube.com/@GillyandKeeves https://www.shanemgillis.com
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Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.
Ryan on the old, right down there visiting him.
He's having a good old time, I'm sure.
He loves doing that.
Just fucking.
Wish it didn't piss me off.
It pisses you off that he just checks out?
What pisses you off?
I don't know.
I love it.
I love that he does it.
No, it's just art.
It's fun to.
But it's like the more successful he gets, the more dangerous it is.
People know who you are, dude.
You've been seen by millions of people.
You can't pretend you're this anonymous backpacker anymore.
You fucking weirdo.
He comes back.
My favorite was a couple years ago.
When he came back from Peru, we were doing Legion of Skanks,
and he was in the crowd and thought it was going to be a big surprise that he's
back.
He came back, and we were like, oh, what's up?
How are you here?
We're talking about the FBI.
He was like, guys, you haven't seen me in so long.
I don't see any of my friends.
Yeah, you were saying, I see everybody every six months.
I forgot you left.
Right.
I only see Norman every six months, maybe.
Maybe a little more when we get popping with Protect Our Parks.
Bro, it's not the same without them.
I know.
It's not.
I'm still going to get drunk, but.
It's a little sad, though.
It's a little more pathetic.
I'm drinking by myself.
It's a little more sad.
I've had a few drinks.
I had a whiskey before a show recently.
I had a couple glasses of wine with dinner the other day.
But it's the most I've had is two.
But the days of drinking at night.
I thought I had you last time we were at the Mothership.
The problem is health.
Yeah.
I'm too interested in health.
I know.
That's the problem.
It's like the price you pay is legitimate.
Yeah.
And I'm too interested in health.
You know, I do too much to stay healthy.
You work too hard, dude.
I'm getting old, dude.
Right?
I'm 58.
The reality is, like, when was the last time I saw a really fit 78-year-old guy?
78 years, for me, is not that far.
Trump's jacked.
Bro, that's 2005.
Okay?
2005, when I was still doing Fear Factor.
That's 20 years ago.
Yeah.
That's nothing.
That's like that.
Time just flies by.
All of a sudden, you're 78.
You're my age.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Damn.
Yeah.
Exactly.
How old are you now?
I just turned 38.
Yeah.
See?
So think of that.
Yeah.
That's 20 years difference.
You to me is 20 years.
Okay.
But me to, like, a dead guy is 20 years.
Yeah.
Like, 78-year-old guy is a dead guy.
Yeah, that's the difference.
So I've been consciously thinking about that.
Don't let it get away from you.
That's the thing.
Don't let it get away from you.
Like, look at Jelly Roll.
Yeah.
Fucking insane.
Incredible.
Yeah.
That dude just added decades onto his life.
Oh, for sure.
He was...
Decades.
He was on his way out.
He was close.
He was on his way out.
Yeah.
40, 500...
Sam Talent?
40 pounds.
Yeah.
Sam Talent dropped it, too.
Did he?
Yeah.
How much did he drop?
Fucking ton.
Oh, no shit.
I haven't seen him.
Well, I think he did...
I don't want to speak for...
I think he took one of the things.
Like, it was...
He's fine, man.
And I was like, man...
Whatever you need to do.
I was like, bro, just...
What are you doing?
And he was like, I was going to die.
I was like, all right, fair.
Yeah.
You get too big, and then he probably has sleep apnea, so he ain't getting any
sleep.
So at night, he's choking, you know?
And you're lying in bed in these weird hotel rooms.
Yeah.
And Sam Talent...
I'm going out from sleep apnea for sure, bro.
Bro, I have to wear a mouthpiece every night.
It's crazy, yeah.
I wear a mouthpiece every night.
I found a great pillow, too.
Do you think it hurts to die from sleep apnea?
No, you just choke.
You stop breathing, and that's it.
It's a wrap.
Probably didn't hurt at all.
You probably just go in your sleep.
Yeah, so what the fuck?
It's not one of the worst ways to go.
What are we talking about here?
Listen.
Let it ride.
It's just the problem is you're going way too young.
You're going because someone's killing you, and that someone's you.
Yeah, but...
See, a lot of football players get it.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah, because Reggie White died from it.
They have giant necks.
So the giant neck, when you're having all this stuff here, it's kind of closing
in.
And then you've got this big fucking head and this big-ass tongue, and it just
falls over that hole,
and you just slip into darkness.
Now you're talking my language.
Well, listen, for a lot of those guys, it's all preventable.
You know, you could sleep with a CPAP machine, which sucks.
Dude, my dad has a CPAP machine, and he doesn't fucking clean it.
Oh, no.
So he gets, like, eye infections.
Oh, God.
You just see him.
He shows up with double pink eye.
You're like, yo, what the fuck?
Bro, I tried that thing once, one time.
How do you sleep with that?
Can't.
Can't do it.
I can't sleep with a lot of noise.
I want to be able to wake up quick.
I wake up quick.
That's funny.
I'm one of those wake up guys, like, if my wife grabs me, like, if she has to
wake me up, she has to, like, be kind of, you know, ready that I don't grab her.
Yeah.
I don't know why.
I've always woken up like that.
So I don't want any noise.
I listen to noise when I sleep, and then I have that thought, though.
It's like if somebody breaks in.
I want to hear everything.
Sure.
Well, this is like, I used to always have a lot of dangerous dogs.
I used to have, like, multiple pit bulls.
I used to have.
I got a bear.
I used to meet me and him both with Sleep Avenue.
But it's, I wanted, I always wanted things to be awake that would bark if, like,
something was at the door.
Like, living by yourself in Hollywood, I never lived in Hollywood, but I lived
in North Hollywood, and then I lived in Encino, and then I moved further out.
I just kept moving further and further out.
I even thought about Santa Barbara.
I'm like, why don't I get a big piece of property on Santa Barbara, get the
fuck away from everybody?
But, like, I don't want a machine going.
Yeah.
You can't, you're not hearing shit.
I would be paranoid.
I'd be feeling weird.
I think when you hit, like, machine time, it's like, dude, I hope someone
breaks in here.
Who gives a fuck, dude?
I've gotten Sleep Apnea.
I get Sleep Apnea when I'm hungover.
That's when I get it.
Right.
Like, and.
Do you sleep on your side?
I've got it on my planes.
I'm waking myself up.
Of course.
It's so embarrassing.
I had to wake this dude up.
Not wake this dude up, but tell him once.
We were on a long flight, like, going to Europe or something.
And this poor dude was choking so bad.
He sat up.
And I said, hey, man, you have Sleep Apnea.
I go, have you ever been tested for Sleep Apnea?
And he was a younger guy.
He was, like, in his 30s, but real overweight.
And I go, you got to go get tested.
I go, you legitimately have Sleep Apnea.
I go, I know because I have it.
And I told him.
I'm like, you don't breathe for, like, nine seconds at a time.
I watched him.
It was crazy.
I got to be honest.
That's, I mean, don't get me wrong.
You did the right thing, but that would bum me out.
Well, he was already friendly with me.
Okay.
We were already friendly.
Okay.
Because he was like, hey, I love your show.
Waking up to, like, an in-shape jack dude being like, you're fat.
He'd be like, yeah, dude, I fucking know.
I told him I have it, too.
I have it, too.
I was informing him.
I'm telling you.
I go, it changed my life.
And I just told him.
I go, I got a mouthpiece that presses down on your tongue.
It keeps my tongue from sliding back.
It's a game changer.
I go, dude, you'll feel so much better.
I tried it.
Because I watched you choke.
Yeah.
And so he's like, oh, it's hard.
The mouthpiece is tough, though.
It's hard.
If you're laying with your lady.
Oh, that's a problem.
You put the mouthpiece in.
Yeah, and she wants to talk.
There you go.
Well, hold on a second.
All of a sudden, I'm hard.
We should probably have sex right now.
Take that mouthpiece out.
Yeah, you got to take it out.
You go, hey, baby, are you awake?
It's just, another thing is mouth tape.
You ever try that?
Were you breathing out of your nose?
I got a deviated septum.
It wouldn't.
You should get that fixed, dog.
I'm never going to fix anything.
Oh, you should get that fixed.
I got mine fixed.
It was amazing.
I didn't get it fixed until I was 40.
Yeah.
I had it my whole.
You just got a nose surgery?
Yeah.
It was awesome.
The result is awesome.
I mean, I gained, like, instantly gained, like, 10% cardio.
Oh, damn.
Yeah, because you breathe out of your nose now.
I couldn't breathe out of my nose forever.
I broke my nose when I was five.
I fell down a flight of stairs.
And then it was always crooked.
Like, it's like the bone got fucked.
I got fucked.
I probably should have went to a doctor, but, you know, in the 70s, they just
fucking dusted
you off.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, and then I broke my nose who knows how many times after that.
Of course.
Bunch times.
Yeah.
The most recent one in my 40s, I got kneed in the face in jujitsu in my, or in
my late
30s, rather.
I got kneed in the face in jujitsu, and it was fucking pouring blood.
It doesn't look bad, though.
No, it's not that bad.
It's not flattened too much.
Because I really stopped striking mostly when I was, like, 22, 23.
I did a little of it when I came to L.A. again.
I did a little sparring, but not too much.
But it's the guys that just keep getting hit in the nose over and over again.
This piece of cartilage eventually collapses, and then you get this, like, flat
thing there.
Yeah.
Which doesn't bother me too much on dudes, but it bums me out when I see it on
women fighters.
It really does.
It bums me out.
I know.
It's so sexist.
It does.
It bums me out.
It's who you want to look pretty.
You're straight.
I know.
You go, why don't you look pretty?
There's certain fights where women get, like, really badly cut, and I have a
really hard
time with it.
I know.
I shouldn't.
I mean, obviously.
I don't have a hard time with dudes.
Well, it's hard to watch women get beat up.
It is.
Like the fucking Dead Iraq video we were watching.
Oh, Jesus.
It's hard to watch.
Shit, what are you doing?
He decided it would be a good idea to have a man box a woman.
Yeah.
It was maybe some mouthy chick, because she was really aggressive.
She was.
Like, even after he knocked her down, she jumped up and tried to swing on him,
even when the
referee was holding her back.
Yeah.
She was very aggressive, but this dude beat the fucking dog shit out of her.
She did survive the round.
I guess.
Didn't she get knocked down at the end, and they stopped it?
I think that, I could be wrong.
It looked like the second.
He was in his corner.
Well, he was terrible.
He was terrible.
He wasn't good.
Yeah.
He wasn't good.
It was ridiculous.
Also, he could.
Yeah, there it is.
Don't, Jimmy, don't make me watch this.
This guy's just, I mean, it looks like he's got some rudimentary technique.
He's just kind of swinging punches, but the power difference is just crazy, and
anybody
who thinks it's not is just fucking delusional.
The difference between a man and a woman is so big.
Even, like, a strong woman, like Amanda Nunes, she'd probably knock out most
dudes, but she's
not sparring a guy her weight that's going to go full blast.
That's fucked.
Even, like, a big power puncher for a woman just doesn't compare.
Oh, there.
That's the end.
That's horrible.
That's crazy.
It's horrible.
But I think they were just in, like, Fallujah, so fuck it.
My friend Tommy used to have a girlfriend that could definitely knock you out.
Me?
Knock me out.
Dude, bro, I'm telling you, this girl could knock a man out.
Tommy was always telling me how hard she hits those punching bag things, and he's
like,
let her hit your hand.
So I go, okay.
So I put my hand up.
Bro, she blasted my hand, and I went, whoa.
I was like, that is real.
I go, that's a real problem.
I go, dude, she'll knock you out.
Did you not get into an argument with your girlfriend?
She's a big lady.
Not, like, overweight, but the strong, stout lady.
I was shocked.
There's girls out there that can flatline you.
But not that one.
Bro.
How much would that suck?
That would suck.
Talking to your girl, you're like, this is my house.
I'm at a girl.
And she just fucking crap.
She collect, cloresses, shields you.
She just fucking drops bombs on you, tunes you up with a nice four-piece
combination.
Couple hammer fists on the ground.
Oh, fuck that, dude.
Dude, think of talking to a girl, and she gets in, like, a good stance.
Oh, my God.
Like, a boxing stance.
Have you seen that really pretty girl that fights in the PFL?
What's her name?
Dakota Jecheva.
I don't know how to say her last name.
I don't know.
She's from England.
I don't know what her ethnicity is, but she is, like, most of her fights win by
knockout.
She's this Muay Thai specialist, but she's pretty.
She's real pretty and, like, slim and slender.
Sounds awesome.
Fox these girls up.
That's what it is.
Fox these girls up.
Like, combination.
That's her.
Combination.
Say that name.
Decheva.
Decheva.
I don't know.
I'm probably butchering it.
A lot of those names, you can't really pronounce them the way you read them.
Like, that trips me up so hard at UFC weigh-ins.
Like, I have to write everything out phonetically.
Just cut to, like, when she's...
Yeah, she's tuning up this girl.
And she tunes up all these girls.
She's nasty, man.
Look at that knee to the body.
And she's pretty.
She's pretty.
She's got a nice body.
If you saw her at a club, you would say, wow, she looks really fit.
Like, maybe she's a crossfitter or something.
Yeah.
You try to hug her.
You get put in the clinch.
You get fucking elbowed.
Just fucks you up.
Yeah.
But that video's wrong.
The video in Iraq is just wrong.
Don't do that.
Don't do that to that poor lady.
That lady got a lifetime worth of brain damage that day.
She must have been talking so much shit that the whole...
Everybody agreed to it.
Yeah.
Everyone agreed.
There's ladies like that out there.
Just like there's guys like that out there.
For sure.
I've seen a lot of videos of guys just walking into a boxing gym for fucking...
Hey, I'm a fucking street fighter.
They have no skills.
And some guy just fucking talks shit to them while he's beating the brakes off
of them.
You can always tell, though, just the way they move their feet.
Oh, yeah.
Like, kind of like on the balls of their feet, like jumping around a little.
Every punch they throw, they leave their feet.
During the old days of martial arts, they used to...
People would just show up at your gym and say they want to spar the best people
there.
It would happen all the time.
How...
What years are these?
The 80s.
Yeah, that's because they were putting out those fucking sick-ass karate movies.
Every single dude was like, hold on a second.
Is that me?
Yeah.
Am I John Claude Van Damme?
I am that guy.
Well, there's a lot of, like, probably schizophrenics and delusional people.
Yeah, of course.
They'd show up at a karate school and just get fucked up.
It's horrible.
Just having a manic episode, being like, I'm about to throw a roundhouse kick.
Horrible.
Horrible.
Oh, man.
Getting tuned up while you're having a mental breakdown.
You're in the middle of a full schizophrenic break.
You're seeing elves and shit.
There's that fucking elf right there.
He's in the gym.
There's a dragon hiding behind the corner.
You just get punched in the face.
Hold on.
The fucking dragon's talking to me.
He's got a trainer.
It's a dragon.
Can you imagine being schizophrenic?
Can you imagine just seeing a world that's totally different than the world
everybody sees?
Because your whatever is all fucked up.
And so you're just seeing things that aren't there.
No.
Making connections that aren't real.
And you don't know.
Kurt Menzger.
Menzger's fired up.
Menzger's fired up.
He'll get you.
Menzger's got a touch.
He got me at the holiday party.
He got me.
He's got a touch of the skits.
He's fired up, dude.
Bro, he is an encyclopedia of conspiracies.
Yeah.
You just go back to, remember that thing in the 70s?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That thing.
He'll get it immediately.
And he'll tell you more than you know.
He'll tell you too much.
He also talks about conspiracies with complete, oh, you didn't know this?
Yeah.
That's the best one.
There's never like, there's a theory.
Oh, you didn't know?
Yeah.
And he gets over you because he's such a goon.
He like looms over you.
He's this big fucking dude.
He's giant eyebrows.
He's so fucking funny.
He's so funny.
He's unbelievably funny.
He's such a character.
Like you couldn't make a dude like that in a movie.
People are like, that's too over the top.
No, he's, his comedy is like my favorite.
He's great.
He's a really great, like he does the Jimmy Dore show and he just jumps in with
shit.
Jumps in, it's always like, I'm always like watching this very serious thing.
What the fuck did you say?
What the fuck, Mascar?
Mascar, he's come over to my house a couple of times.
He likes White Claws.
He drinks White Claws.
Oh, yeah, he brings his own.
And then he gets going.
Yeah, he always shows up in the green room with two White Claws in between his
fingers.
Always two White Claws.
He's a two White Claws man.
That's a good move.
He's such a character.
He's always been that guy too.
He's so fun.
I had the worst, one of the most embarrassing interactions with him.
He just put out White Precious, which was one of my favorite specials ever.
And then I saw him in LA because I was opening for like Big J at the store and
Metzger was
there and I was like, okay, I'm going to try to talk to Kurt.
This is a big moment for me.
And I was like, so do you think, when do you think your next special is?
He was like, I don't fucking know, dude.
He just walked away and I was like, fuck, I blew it.
There's so many of those.
So many I wish I could take back.
Yeah, the meeting people for the first time being like super awkward.
Oh, Attell got me with a terrible one.
I've talked about it before, but I walked outside of the cellar.
I just had a good set.
Like I was feeling good and he was smoking a cigarette and I was like, can I
get one of those cigarettes?
And he was like, no, just walked right back inside.
Fuck.
He thought you were going to bond.
Meanwhile, he only had four left.
Yeah.
He likes fucking with people.
How is he still alive?
Like he does nothing to take care of himself.
How many cigarettes does Dave smoke?
He smokes a lot of cigarettes.
He's alive through pure laughter.
Yeah.
The amount of laughter he generates keeps his tissue excited.
I was so lucky to just be like, because they would always put me with him at
the end of the night.
Oh, nice.
So I got to watch him for a few years and it was like my favorite thing.
Oh, he's one of the best ever.
But if I, he just would make fun of me.
He'd see me in the room and be like, oh, Shane must have had a good set.
He's hanging out.
Shane, where were you born?
On the corner of AR and 15?
He's so good.
Yeah, but yeah, he fucking really makes fun of you.
Oh, yeah.
You stand in the doorway and he's like, look at you, you fat piece of shit.
I love what he does.
He'll do a show and then he'll bring his opening acts on, on the stage at the
end of the show
and just riff and just shit on them.
It's hard.
It's impossible to keep up.
Bro, Ian just gets, Ian finance.
Ian's good at it.
He is, but he gets just steamrolled.
Yeah, of course.
Yeah.
He like knows Dave enough to like know what he's looking for with the answer.
I don't.
So I'd be in the room and he'd be like, Shane, you look like a sex toy guy.
What type of sex toys do you like?
He'd be like, uh, Vibrators.
He'd be like, oh, good answer.
He'd be like, fuck, I don't know.
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I opened for Bert Kreischer in Helium, and then at Helium Filling, it was the
first time I ever middled, and I was like, that was a good show.
I should, and he, you know, he was drunk after the show, and he was like, you
should open for me.
And I was like, fuck you.
I'm going to email this guy.
I emailed him like five times.
The first email was like, I think you and me mesh together.
We should, it was brutal.
So then I'm talking, me and Stan Hope, we're talking to him about it.
This fucker still has the same email account.
So he brought it up.
He read the email in front of me 10 years later.
How does he still have the same email account for 10 years?
God, that would be.
You got any of those?
What?
Like when you were a young comic, just seeing somebody.
Well, there's no emails back then.
No, no, no.
But I mean just like saying something that you.
Nothing too bad.
Like you see a big comic and you're like.
One time at MTV, Jon Stewart was having a meeting with this executive, and I
just met Jon Stewart like the first time.
And so I went in to say hi.
I went in to say hi to the lady, and Jon Stewart was there, and I remember
saying hi to him like, oh, hi.
And then I remember I went, I go, wow, you got a great view.
I looked out the window, and I knocked something over, like a fucking statue or
some shit.
And I had to grab it and pick it up.
It didn't break, and I put it back.
I'm like, all right, I'll just get out of here.
I just felt like such a fucking clumsy dork.
Because I had to look out the window.
I had to say something nice.
Like, wow, you got a great view.
Knock this fucking thing over and just like, oh, no.
Yeah, knocking something over.
Like, why did I go back there to look?
If I just said hi in the main room area, everything would be fine.
Everybody would be like, man, that guy was cool.
That guy was cool.
No, he had to go to the window.
Knocked a nice view.
That haunted me for years.
I had to think about knocking that stupid.
I don't even remember what it was I knocked over, but I remember going, oh, no.
Yeah, it's terrible.
I had one.
I went to see Soders.
He filmed one of his Comedy Central specials in Philly.
And I had just done a showcase with him in New York.
Like, I was, like, really excited that I did a show at The Stand.
Because it was, like, the first time I ever did it.
And he was on the lineup.
So we're standing in line.
And I was like, you think I should just tell these people that I just did a
show with this guy?
And my friends were like, what the fuck are you talking about?
And I was like, dude, I'll kill myself.
Like, right away.
I was like, I'm so sorry.
You think I should tell, like, the people with the security that I just did a
show with him?
Oh.
It's funny.
It's really embarrassing.
It is embarrassing now because now you're just, like, totally friends with all
these guys.
Yeah.
It's totally normal.
That's what's weird.
Like, if I see Jon Stewart now, I give him a hug.
Like, hey, what's up, dude?
It's like, it's totally normal.
He's just a person.
When you see someone that you've seen on TV, like, when you're young, it's
weird.
It is.
It takes a long time before it stops being weird, too.
That's why it's like, when people come up to me and do the same thing I used to
do.
So I'm always like, it's all right.
You know what I mean?
Like, the first time I met Norman and List, it was after a show.
And I was standing next to him, and I was like, you guys, it's funny.
You guys sound just the same as you do on podcasts.
I listen to you guys' podcasts.
And they're like, who the fuck are you?
Yeah, it's brutal.
I mean, there's no way to be comfortable.
How can you be?
You have to go through it.
If you don't go through it, you're not going to be comfortable.
You're going to be weirded out.
There's no way around it.
You want them to be your friend.
Oh, yeah.
You know what I mean?
You want them to like you.
They have no idea who you are.
You're, like, standing next to them.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then it gets, you know, there's levels of weirdness.
You know?
Like, sometimes I'm in here talking to someone, and I'm like, that's fucking Quentin
Tarantino.
Like, how weird is this?
I mean, sitting here talking to Quentin Tarantino, like, there's certain guys
that never stop
being weird.
Yeah.
It's like always stays a little weird because they're so famous.
Yeah.
Mine's always athletes.
It's always an athlete that I didn't think was going to make me feel that way.
That's interesting.
Well, you know how special they are.
Aaron Judge from the Yankees got me.
Yeah?
I couldn't even talk.
It was fucking recent.
Like, it was crazy.
He was hitting batting practice before Phillies-Yankees, and he saw me.
I didn't know he knew who I was.
He, like, looked over before he, like, was entering the cage, and he was like,
what's up?
And I was like, oh, shit.
And then he got done, and he walked over.
He's like, what are you doing back there, big man?
And I was like, oh, dude, oh.
You were hitting him.
Oh, yeah, he's a horse, dude.
Yeah, it's a big fella.
Yeah, you have no idea.
I was full panicking that.
That's funny.
Full panicking.
And then I think, yeah, that was the day me and my buddies did nine hot dogs,
nine beers,
nine innings.
Jeez.
O'Connor had seven hot dogs before the first pitch, and then he passed out.
He didn't have any beers.
He fell asleep for a whole game.
Just from the hot dogs?
Seven hot dogs.
And we were with my buddy, H. Foley, and he was getting other food.
He's a big fucking guy.
Other than the nine hot dogs?
Nine hot dogs was the challenge.
And then other food?
I watched him get a fucking cheesesteak and nine hot dogs.
How?
How big is he?
He's as big as he's a big fuck.
Big as it gets?
Is that what you're about to say?
I feel bad.
I love him.
But for real, he's about as funny as it gets, though, too.
Nine hot dogs and a cheesesteak is crazy.
That's a lot of volume.
Just like the sheer mass of it all.
You know?
Yeah, it was terrible.
You know that feeling that you get when you eat a giant meal, and then you look
at yourself
sideways in the mirror?
You're like, oh my god, I'm fucking pregnant.
Yeah, I did it last night.
All those plates stacked up on top of each other.
Lately, I've been doing this one meal a day thing, like the last few days.
I don't think I'm going to stick with it.
Today, I kind of cheated.
I had a little bit of fruit.
So last night, I went to the...
If I had a little bit of fruit, I'd be like, I'm the beacon of health.
It's crazy I had fucking fruit today.
You don't eat any fruit?
No.
No vitamins?
I take vitamins.
You take vitamins?
What are you taking?
Right now, just D, B, and C.
Oh, okay.
Now I got some zinc and magnesium in there.
You should go to Waste of Well and you know what they'll do?
I did.
They gave me some shit.
But they'll give you one based on your blood profile.
They did.
They did.
They'll mix it for you.
Yeah.
Oh, it's the best.
Yeah, it's great.
You don't have to think.
Yeah.
I went to Waste of Well fully going, I have to have diabetes.
The fucking...
As soon as they took my blood, there was like four days from when I got the
results.
I was in the green room talking to Simpson.
I was like, dude, there had to be symptoms, right?
He was like, no.
I just have diabetes.
I was like, fuck, I definitely have diabetes.
Nothing.
Wow.
It was a good result.
That is a good result.
Yeah.
That's great.
That liver is a motherfucker, dude.
Couldn't believe it.
Yeah, you're living.
You're like, your liver's all right.
Your liver's a motherfucker.
You know what?
It gets workouts.
I think the...
It gets workouts.
True.
It's jacked.
Right?
Your liver's jacked.
If you think about it, look.
It's John Jones.
Running all the time.
Look, running one time until your heart explodes is not good for you, right?
We all agree.
You get a heart attack, you die.
That's not good.
Drinking yourself to death one time is not good for you.
No.
Definitely not.
But running every day, a little bit, a couple miles, you get in shape.
I think this is wrong, but I like where you're going.
Do you know what I'm saying?
You know where I'm going with this?
Like a little bit of whiskey, a little bit of booze, some drinking every day.
Toughen that fuck up.
Your liver's ready to go.
Your liver's like a marathon runner.
Right?
Yeah, you'd think.
Well, it's like that's why you have the tolerance you have, clearly.
Right?
Because...
The tolerance comes from just light beer.
Right.
For real.
If you get me, if I take two shots, I'm like, I gotta go home.
It's crazy.
Stan Hope does that, too.
He just sips light beer.
Oh, really?
Yeah, he moved in.
He went through a cocktail phase.
I don't know where he's at right now.
He, when I was with him, he was fully on, like, white Russians.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
He was fucking getting after it.
He gets after it, still.
After all these years.
He was doing good, last time I saw him.
Oh, he's great.
Yeah.
I heard he crushed at Skankfest.
He murdered.
Yeah.
Tony said...
It was awesome.
He watched his set, and he said he was just...
Tony said he was just going like this in the back of the room.
Doug's always been one of the best.
And he's like, that's him.
Like, he's not putting on an act.
That's genuinely him, 24-7, with his stupid suits on, and just thinking
everything is hilarious,
and hanging out with an army of idiots.
Like, there's so many fucking dudes that are like him, and they're all doing
ridiculous shit.
Yeah.
When I was living there, it was just me and them.
Oh, my God.
I was the only guy that was like...
What the fuck?
Boys.
These guys were all, like, 50 and 60.
Hey, man.
I was like, boys.
We got to admire it.
No doctors.
Fuck this.
We're riding this thing until the wheels fall off.
Bingo was doing good, too.
That's great.
Everything.
It was nice to see.
Yeah, because when we were doing that end-of-the-world podcast one time, that's
when Bingo fell.
Oh, it's so scary, man.
Hitting your head is so scary.
Speaking of hitting your head, what do you think is Jake Paul, Anthony Joshua
fight?
That's tonight.
That is tonight.
You gonna watch it?
Yeah, I'm definitely gonna watch it.
Where are you watching it?
I don't know.
I got a lot.
We got a lot tonight.
We got Alabama-Oklahoma.
Oh, okay.
College football playoffs.
What else we got, J-Mo?
Just that?
Yeah.
All right.
That's all great.
Oh, yeah.
I can't get excited about that.
Another huge thing.
I can't get excited about that while Jake Paul and Anthony Joshua are fighting.
I'm very excited about this.
If Anthony Joshua doesn't take it easy, this should be...
How can he take it easy?
The whole world is watching.
There's not a chance he's gonna make it look like this guy can box with him.
Can you imagine if Jake...
If he flatlines him?
Oh, my God.
What if he steps in and just right power bombs him right on the chin, and
Joshua's legs go
out, and he goes down?
That'd be the saddest.
That'd be sad.
Not for Jake Paul.
Of course.
That'd be awesome.
I'm saying for Anthony Joshua, who's like...
Who was gonna be the guy.
Destroy some sportsbooks also, apparently.
What are those odds?
They'd lose $100 million or something, I think.
Yeah.
That's where...
Yeah, there's a lot of people betting on the Jake Paul underdog right now.
There's people betting on him?
Yeah, because he's got...
It's plus $6.50.
You're making six times the money you put in.
Yeah, but what are the odds?
Really?
I mean, not good.
What are the odds, really?
I know that's the...
I literally said, what are the odds to the odds?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I mean, if you're gonna...
It's like 99% in my eyes that Anthony Joshua either wins a decision or stops
him.
This is because he is a two-time...
It's not saying Jake Paul's not a good boxer.
He's a real good boxer.
He's, like, very underrated.
But he's a two-time heavyweight world champion.
He's, like, one of the fucking scariest guys in the division.
Lightning-fast punches.
245 fucking pounds.
He's huge.
He's way bigger.
Way more skilled.
He's, like, a foot taller.
What's the height difference?
I saw him at the weigh-in.
I think he's five inches taller.
Four or five inches taller.
But the point is, he's one of the best heavyweight boxers alive.
Yeah.
And Jake Paul is a guy that is, you know, very impressive.
Four or a guy beating up Ben Askren and knocking out Tyron Woodley.
Very impressive.
Yeah.
There's levels.
Knocking out Mike Perry.
Very impressive.
There's levels.
This is a crazy jump.
That's why it's...
I think the only reason the odds are not 40 to 1 is...
People suspect shenanigans.
Shenanigans.
Yeah.
They suspect shenanigans.
But a first round...
If they come out and fucking circle each other like pro wrestling and grab the
ropes, we're
going to be like, no.
Yeah.
Yes.
You motherfuckers.
When Nate fought him, that was great.
Well, listen.
That's another fight.
Look.
Nate...
No disrespect to Nate, but Nate fought his career at 155 pounds for the most
part.
A couple fights at 170.
Yeah.
You know, a very good boxer for MMA.
But Jake Paul had his hands full and Nate had a bad shoulder.
It was later rounds.
Yeah.
The late rounds Nate started.
Yeah.
Paul, 7 to 1 underdog, had attracted 82% of the bets and 90% of the money that
had been
wagered on DraftKings on the winner.
What?
A Paul upset would result in nearly a $100 million loss for the sports book.
Imagine if Jake Paul just hated DraftKings and they made a deal with Anthony
Joshua.
Yeah.
It's like, look, let's bankrupt these motherfuckers.
Let's bankrupt these motherfuckers.
We're going to bet it all on me.
I mean, that's like a Guy Ritchie movie.
It is.
You know?
But that's the other thing, because I saw Anthony...
No disrespect to Anthony Joshua, but I saw...
What fight was it a year or two ago where he grabbed the mic after and started
giving
a fucking crazy speech?
Oh, I don't remember that.
He did?
Yeah.
He gave a little weird...
After he lost, he like...
Oh, wait.
Was it...
Daniel Dubois?
Was it...
Oh, Usyk?
Yeah.
Yeah.
What did he say?
It was just kind of a weird thing to do after you lose to grab the mic and talk
to the
crowd and...
Well, I think it was in his hometown.
Oh, okay.
Wasn't it?
Wasn't it in London?
He definitely wasn't in fucking Usyk's.
No, I'm not making fun of the war.
I'm just saying.
Yeah, exactly.
Who the fuck's going to travel there to see a fight?
I think that's probably why.
You know, in England, they like a loser who keeps his chin up.
Like a guy who loses.
That's why I do well over there.
They like a respectable winner who's respectable and shows good sportsmanship
and a good character
after it's over.
I could be wrong.
I just remember thinking it was odd.
It's probably a cultural thing.
He left the ring and came back.
And then they shook.
And then I don't know what he says here, but he grabs the mic.
Here.
Let's give him a round of applause.
Oh, man.
So that's just emotion.
Wait, wait.
I'm talking.
Sorry.
That's a flag on his back.
Sorry, man.
Look.
If you knew my story, you would understand the passion.
I ain't no s***.
I met your boxer from five years old.
That was an elite prospect from a youth, bro.
I was going to jail.
I see some hypothetical youths in red in jail.
I got bail and I started training.
Because if I got sentenced, I wanted to be able to fight.
I bust my case.
My cousin Benga, where's he at?
G14, raise your hand.
I'm stealing this U-6.
Oh, I never saw this.
He might take a dive, bro.
He's a wild motherfucker.
Guys, I'm telling you, this guy to be me tonight, maybe I could have done
better.
But it shows the levels of hard work he must have put in.
So please give him a round of applause as our heavyweight champion of the world.
It's a little odd.
It's odd.
He's still going.
I will say this.
I don't, you know, you just got in a fight.
Right.
I used to cry whenever I got in a fight.
So I can't judge anyone.
I would have given this.
Dudes give that speech every time they lose a street fight.
Every single time.
They stand up.
They go, let's get a beer together, dude.
This guy's a fucking man.
You know?
Right.
A little bit.
Yeah.
But it is a little weird.
It's definitely weird.
But there's some dudes that just, once they get the mic, they just want to
start talking.
I hear you.
You know?
Yeah.
There are dudes.
For sure.
There's some dudes that I have to interview in the UFC.
And the UFC's like, last question.
Stop.
No more questions.
We got to cut.
Because they got to cut to commercial.
I like those, though.
Oh, some of them are great.
I like when the guy grabs the mic and just starts screaming.
Some of them are great.
Some of them are great.
But I get it.
Chael Sonnen fucking mastered it.
Yeah.
He was the first guy.
He was the first guy to figure it out.
He was the first guy to figure out how to cut a pro wrestling type promo inside
the cage.
Like, Anderson Silva, you absolutely suck.
But he's like, what is going on here?
He's the greatest of all time.
He's so funny.
Yeah.
Chael was awesome at it.
Who's funnier than him?
McGregor was up there.
McGregor was really funny.
McGregor took shit talking to a whole new level.
Yes.
But I feel like Chael was...
But Chael opened the fucking door.
Yeah.
He's the OG.
He's the OG of MMA shit talking for sure.
And still, like, the most clever at it.
You know, he's very clever.
Yeah, the fucking Brazilians thinking a bus was a horse.
It's so fucking funny.
He said they tried to feed it a carrot.
It's like a good...
It's a good bit, dude.
He's quite a character, man.
He's quite a fucking character.
Yeah, McGregor's shit talk...
Yeah, who the fuck is that guy?
His current shit talk's my favorite.
Yeah.
I love what he's up to.
The fucking...
Do you think he's gonna fight the vehicle?
He keeps talking about making it to the White House.
But I just...
I hope he gets to the White House.
I'm gonna do my best to go to that fight.
I hope that's...
I hope he does that and that's it.
I'm not saying anything.
And the Michael Chandler one is a good one.
That's a smart...
That'd be a fun one.
It's a marketable one because everybody knows they were supposed to fight years
ago and they
did the Ultimate Fighter together.
And also Chandler's still fucking dangerous as shit.
He's not washed.
Not at all.
He's not in his prime, but he's like 38 or 39 years old now.
He'll go wild in that fight.
He's a dangerous guy.
He's crazy fit, too.
And he loves America, dude.
Get him in front of the fucking White House.
He's gonna cry after the fight.
Oh, he'll cry.
Yeah, he'll go nuts.
And he will do everything within his power to try to beat Conor.
Yeah, I'm gonna not say anything bad about Trump until that fight.
I need to be at that fight.
Then I'm gonna go, yo, that fucking bullshit tweet, that sucked.
Bro, look what Mamdani called him a fascist and he had him in the Oval Office.
True.
Did you see that?
True.
And he's like, you said Donald Trump.
He's like, it's okay.
Just go ahead and say it.
Just say it.
Bro.
He didn't get it.
I hate to get on Trump stuff, but have you seen the plaques?
No.
I heard about it.
So his plaques under everybody's name?
Yeah, he's kind of trashing every other president.
And what is he?
He trashes them all?
He, the Clinton one I read, he talks about Andrew Jackson.
I saw the Andrew Jackson and Clinton ones.
The Clinton one is like, basically like, he kind of got lucky with the economy
because
of the fucking tech boom.
Also then, at the end, he's like, and then his wife tried to run against Donald
Trump and
lost.
That's a plaque?
Huh.
Does it really say he got lucky?
Like, who's writing these things?
He's not writing them.
Sleepy Joe Biden, it says that?
By far the worst president of American history.
Oh my God, he is writing it.
Oh, no, no, no.
Let me read it from the top.
This is so crazy.
This, that this is underneath a photo in the White House is so crazy.
Look at this.
Sleepy Joe Biden was by far the worst president in American history.
This is so crazy.
Taking office as a result of the most corrupt election ever seen in the United
States, Biden
oversaw a series of unprecedented disasters.
What's the matter, Jamie?
Elections capitalize?
Weird.
Yeah, it is weird.
Unprecedented disasters that brought our nation to the brink of destruction.
His policies caused the highest inflation ever recorded, leading the U.S.
dollar to lose
more than 20% of its value in four years.
His green news scam surrendered American energy dominance.
And by abolishing the southern border, Biden let 21 million people from all
over the world
pour into the United States, including from prisons, jails, mental institutions,
and insane
asylums.
Isn't that like, he said two things that are the same thing.
For both of them.
Jails, prisons.
Yeah, mental institutions, insane asylums.
His Afghanistan disaster was amongst the most humiliating events in American
history and
resulted in the murder of 13 brave American service members, which many other,
many others
gravely wounded, seeing with many others gravely, gravely mooned, what's wrong
with me?
Seeing Biden's devastating weakness, Russia invaded Ukraine and Hamas
terrorists launched
their heinous October 7th attack on Israel.
This is crazy.
Nicknamed both sleepy and crooked by you.
I am.
Nicknamed, like the whole public got together, I got a name for this guy, was
dominated by
his radical left handlers.
Look how radical left is in caps too.
They and their allies in the fake news media attempted to cover up his severe
mental decline
and unprecedented use of auto pen.
This is so crazy.
You shouldn't be allowed to do this, right?
It should be like historians say, this guy was president from ba-ba-ba.
Wait, what's it say at the end of that?
Does it say Donald Trump saved America?
Despite all, President Trump would get re-elected in a landslide and SAVE AMERICA
in all caps.
That's a plaque in the White House.
He's not beating the dictator charges.
This is like an African dictatorship.
This is crazy.
They also changed the name, I think they're changing the name of the Kennedy
Center to the
Trump Kennedy Center.
Oh, boy.
Whoops.
Somebody needs to tell him, like, hey, this is not good.
You can't do that.
Because then other people could do that too.
And then the White House stops being the White House and it becomes whoever is
in its house
where he could just go crazy and say everybody else is a crook.
I don't think anyone's going to do what he's doing.
I don't think there's...
I mean, look, look, of course.
God, I hope not, but it opens up...
The problem is it opens up the door for someone on the left to do their version
of it.
Who's going to be the Democrat?
Who's next?
Fucking Gavin Newsom?
He's not going to fucking put up a plaque.
Of course he would.
Of course he would.
He copies everything that Trump does.
He even tries to talk like Trump on Twitter.
You don't think that he would put up plaques that talk about how corrupt Trump
was
and about how terrible and he was quoted as lying over 5,000 times by
Washington Post.
Yeah, but he doesn't have to put up a plaque.
That'll just be everywhere.
I mean, but he could put that under his photo, though.
Like, that's never been a thing that people did before.
For sure.
Right?
I mean, I'm guessing.
What was it before?
He added that Ronald Reagan was a fan of President Trump's long before his
historic run for the White House.
That's so disturbing.
That's such crazy thinking.
What fucking lackey put that shit up and was like, do you like this?
Of course he's going to fucking like it.
Bro, he wrote it.
What are you talking about?
You don't think he wrote it?
You think a lackey wrote it?
I don't.
Fuck it fine, though.
I don't know what's going on.
Whoever's writing his tweets wrote that.
Yeah.
Same shit.
He's got to be writing his tweets.
I think they made a video of it, right?
So the video is like he says things and someone types it out for him.
He fucked up on Twitter this week.
What, with the Rob Reiner thing?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's crazy.
It's all crazy.
So if he didn't do the Rob Reiner thing and then put up those plaques, I'd be
like, yeah, that's funny.
But then the Rob Reiner thing, you're like, God damn it, dude.
Well, the plaques are crazy.
The plaques are crazy.
The plaques are crazy.
It's like you're, the White House is supposed to be where each new president,
the new guy comes in, you won the new election, congratulations, let me show
you around.
This is what it's like.
These are all the photos.
What's funny?
Another good one.
I think this, look at the, I think that's the photo for Joe Biden.
It's an auto pen?
Yeah.
Okay.
That's, that's so crazy.
Definitely.
That's so crazy.
Yeah, but again, it's still funny.
When he does crazy shit, when he does crazy shit and it's funny, I like it.
Right, but the Rob Reiner, the Rob Reiner thing is not funny, right?
No.
And that's like the same thing.
Yeah.
It's the same kind of thinking.
And when you, but when you see it with no empathy, that's when it's hard to
like.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I wish he could apologize.
I know he can't and he won't.
Listen, there's no justification for what he did that makes any sense in a
compassionate society.
It's no different than people that were celebrating when Charlie Kirk got shot.
That's what, yeah, that's the thing that bothered me.
It's the same kind of thing.
Bro, it'd be like if Obama tweeted, yeah, yeah, rest in piss.
Imagine, imagine, oh my God, imagine, imagine if Obama tweeted, you know,
something about
someone, you know, after they died in, in this way, that this person was a deranged,
that
person had hated Obama and he wrote Obama like, all caps.
Imagine if Obama talked like Trump.
Do you imagine if Obama talked like Trump?
They hated Obama.
Like, that was his thing?
He talked about himself in the third person.
That would be crazy.
It just shows you how crazy it is the way Trump thinks and talks.
It's just like the guy got sliced up by his kid.
You know?
Yeah.
Anybody that doesn't see that and go, fuck, man.
Yeah, it's the worst.
It's a, you know.
Also, the kid's claiming not guilty right now.
Oh, Carl.
Okay.
I like it.
By reason of what?
I like the mood.
Oh, boy.
It's so, it's so dark, man.
Yeah, it's really fucking horrendous.
But on the other side of it, the, the Rob Reiner thing was crazy because Rob Reiner
like made
it a mission to try to get Trump out of office and to try to get Trump arrested.
Sure.
It's this really weird video where he's sitting there with John Brennan and
James Clapper.
These two top dog spooks.
Yeah.
And they're talking about how this is like unacceptable that Trump is president.
I'm like, this is a crazy thing to, and like high production value.
Yeah.
So, it's like all filmed together, they're coming up with reasons why they have
to remove
Trump from office.
Maybe they knew something.
Look, all that sucked.
I think that sucked.
Yeah.
But then, dude, you get murdered next to your wife by your son.
Horrible.
Yeah.
That's like the worst thing possible.
The worst thing.
The president.
Right.
It's a crazy thing to put out.
By the time this episode comes out, we'll have moved on.
Yeah, but it seems like, you know.
It seems like whenever something like that happens, where someone is happy that
someone
died, so many people just, you feel so disappointed.
You know, you just feel like, it's so disappointing.
Yeah.
It's like, why, if you say that privately, that's one thing, which is also
crazy.
Yeah.
But it's so disappointing.
I mean, someone would have to be the worst person ever.
And then you're like, you know what, fuck that guy.
But, Jesus.
Yeah, that's.
And the way it happened, too.
Like, yo.
The way it happened makes it.
His son?
Makes it 10 times worse.
Oh, God.
And you know there was another guy?
If he died in like a funny way.
Right.
If he was.
You know?
Right, right, right.
Then it would be, if he was like, I'm going to fucking parachute out of a plane.
Right.
There you go.
Something stupid.
There you go.
Like, oh, he's bungee jumping.
He lied about his weight.
But then.
Snap.
Then the worst possible way to die.
The worst possible way to die.
I mean.
Your own child.
And he did, before all the political shit, he did rule.
Oh, he had amazing movies, man.
He fucking ruled.
He fucking ruled.
Guy made amazing movies.
He ruled.
I mean, let's bring up Rob Reiner's filmography.
How many great.
He wanted to come on the podcast and talk about JFK.
That would have been sick.
Yeah.
Um.
I don't know why that never happened.
But what films did he do?
I don't think Spinal Tap might have been the first one, but Princess Bride,
Stand By Me.
Okay, Stand By Me and Princess Bride, two of the greatest movies of all time.
Wait, he made a few good men?
Bro, Misery.
He did Misery?
Fucking amazing movie.
Let me.
Was he a producer on A Few Good Men?
Let me make sure directors.
We just wanted, because he did a lot of stuff, too.
He's been in movies.
Um.
Directed them.
So here you go.
Like, writer, predictor.
Or, sorry.
Producer, writer, director.
Different.
He did direct A Few Good Men.
Yeah.
Yeah, dude.
He made some bangers.
When Harry met Sally.
He was a dad in Wolf of Wall Street.
He was hilarious in that.
Oh, yeah.
That's right.
I forgot about that.
Spinal Tap was supposed to come out.
I think I read they put that on hold right now.
Yeah, horrendous.
That's, that's like.
Yeah, you don't, don't put anything out.
There's certain things.
Someone take his fucking phone.
Yeah.
There's certain things the administration does that I'm just like, damn, you
can't, you
can't defend it.
Like the, like the, I don't think it's the administration necessarily, but they've
definitely allowed
it to happen where like fucking ICE is making funny videos about deporting
people.
Yeah.
And then like, like shit like this, it's like, damn dude, that's fucking
terrible.
They use Theo.
Yeah.
They use Theo in a totally unrelated clip.
Yeah.
Like some lady said, my friend has to leave the country.
Will you make a video?
I heard you got deported.
I mean, I knew that video existed before.
Yeah.
I'm the one editing the DHS.
It's just Theo being funny.
Yeah.
And you, they use that in this ICE thing and Theo's like, whoa.
And he had a really good response too.
He got them to take it down, but his response, see if you can find it,
something that his opinions
on immigration are much more nuanced.
I mean, that's the truth though.
It's like, yeah, sure.
Illegal immigrations, we should fix that.
Yeah.
Don't fucking make it funny.
It's a serious thing.
It's a serious thing you're doing.
Yeah.
Why would you make it funny at all?
Yeah.
Like is the thought like that, that'll make it popular on TikTok and it'll
spread that
way?
Is that the thought that it'll be a video will get people to want to sign up
for us?
A lot of those people are obviously just weird fucking psychos that are in that
world.
I don't know.
I heard something that I don't know if it's true.
It was about the Brown shooting, the Brown University's shooting.
And it's people claiming that the security cameras had been disabled.
Yes.
I was trying to get Theo's tweet.
Here's just the quote of what it said.
Yo, he says, DHS, I didn't approve to be used in this.
I know you know my address, so send a check and please take this down and
please keep me
out of your banger deportation videos.
Vaughn said on his ex account, when it comes to immigration, my thoughts and
heart are a
lot more nuanced than this video allows.
Bye.
Vaughn added.
Perfect response.
Calling them banger videos is hilarious.
Yeah, they're ridiculous.
Yeah, they suck.
They suck.
It's like, why are you doing that?
I thought you're trying to get rid of the worst people in the world.
You're not trying to be entertaining.
The job is to get rid of the worst people in the world.
But that's what we wanted.
We wanted them to get rid of cartel members and terrorists, the worst people in
the world.
That's who we're hoping for.
Yeah.
But then it's like, anybody.
I bet they have quotas.
I bet they're told.
Without a doubt.
I bet they do.
Without a doubt.
Whenever you give a quota to enforcing a law, you get into weird territory.
That's when cops pull people over for bullshit.
Yeah.
That's how most of my buddies got DUIs.
Cops needed a quota.
All my friends.
They just took a chance.
Me and Jamie were just talking about that.
How just our hometown.
Just miss it.
Yeah.
I was built.
That's what I was built for.
Hometowns.
Nine to five and then go to a bar.
That's what you were built for us?
Did you miss those days?
I miss it a lot.
Really?
I miss going to the bar.
Just for fun.
Just sitting there.
They're hanging out.
Bro, we could have beat Lancaster Catholic.
That was fucking crazy.
We lost that fucking...
That's what I'm going to talk about when I get home.
That's funny.
For Christmas.
Yeah.
That's funny.
You look forward to that?
I do.
Shit rules.
High school buddies.
They all have families now.
Yeah.
It's nice.
Especially when your friends get families, it's nice to go out with them.
When you see them get that one night off, you go, oh, this guy's about to
fucking black
out.
This is going to be crazy.
I have friends come to shows and just fall apart.
That's hilarious.
That's so funny.
Sorry about the derailing it from that actual conversation.
No, it's okay.
I don't even remember what we were talking about.
You were talking about it.
Security cameras.
Oh, yeah.
The Brown University thing.
Now, why did they have the security cameras?
Why were they disabled?
Because I don't even want to say what I read.
The thing online was saying, yeah, it was ICE.
Yeah.
It was because they wanted to stop ICE from using the feed to locate illegals
that are
working on the campus, maybe.
Or maybe citizens that are, or students, rather.
Because they've done some wild shit.
Like, I don't know if they wind up deporting that lady, but they were trying to
deport that
lady because she was a student and she wrote an essay that was critical of
Israel.
Yeah.
Yeah.
A response from their officials, I guess.
Called on lack of CC.
And they want to know how a school with a $9 billion endowment does not have
cameras on
one of the older buildings at the edge of the campus where this happened, not
even in the
front door.
Who's coming and going?
Now, they asked this question knowing that the shooter may have done whatever
you wanted,
but the cameras, A, would have deterred, or B, captured a better look at them,
and we
wouldn't be here today five days out.
I want you to explain that because there's a lot of parents who are wondering,
where are
you investing your money?
Yeah, I appreciate that question.
And I want to reiterate, as our president did, that supporting our students and
communicating
to the parents, to our community about our support is of utmost importance.
We have 1,200 cameras located throughout the campus.
We don't publish the locations of the cameras.
That would give a map to somebody to evade detection on the cameras.
So that would be counterproductive to do that.
There are cameras in this building.
And as I answered the previous question, we have turned over all evidence that
we are
holding at Brown to law enforcement and are cooperating fully with them.
So you're saying that there's a camera, you're saying there's cameras in the
building.
I was told yesterday there wasn't cameras in the building.
The attorney general said, old buildings.
I'm on camera right now, you fucker.
That's a new building with cameras.
I believe he said that there were two different phases of the building that
might have two different
levels of technology.
Again, all video imagery has been turned over to law enforcement.
That doesn't make sense.
Okay, this is contradictory to what I read.
What I read was that somebody had disabled them.
So he was saying there is cameras and they turned over all footage.
There's got to be cameras.
But the thing is like when you hear a story like they disabled it for ICE, like
is that story
total bullshit?
And is that story designed to get people to tweet that out so that other people
start believing
it?
For sure.
They were naming the fucking shooter.
I thought, did you see that?
Yeah.
How'd they name him so far?
No, before they got the Portuguese guy.
Oh, really?
They were naming a different shooter?
Yeah, they just named him, yeah.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
Who's the different guy?
I was all over it.
I was going, this motherfucker, how dare you?
Who was the different guy?
It was a kid that was in like protests and shit, like a Gaza kid.
So they instantly named him and yeah, whatever.
So he's going to get paid.
He should.
Oh, yeah.
He should.
Remember the Atlanta one where the guy, they ruined his life and they said he
was a bomber?
It was just a security guard.
Oh, yeah.
Remember that guy?
Yeah, the movie.
Yeah.
What the fuck is his name?
I forget his name too.
But I remember the real story.
Paul Walter Hauser plays him in, I hope I'm getting that name right.
I know that guy.
He's the man.
Richard Jewell?
Richard Jewell.
I was there that day.
You were in Atlanta?
Yeah, I was there.
That's crazy.
That's crazy.
Dude, what?
Yeah, when we were headed home, the only reason we weren't there when it went
off was because
we couldn't get scalp tickets to watch the Dream Team play.
We were trying to buy them from him, ripped them up in front of my dad and just
threw them
in the fucking sewer.
We were like, what?
Yo.
Who does that?
You are Ohio trash.
You went to the Olympics to scalp Dream Team tickets?
No, we went to other stuff, but we didn't have tickets to that game.
So we were like, let's find tickets to the game.
What else did you see?
Like a volleyball game and a baseball game.
Girls are just.
Richard Jewell, right?
Yeah, Richard Jewell.
I just sent you this thing.
Yeah, I found a thing on Twitter about it.
It says there was an open letter in August that anti-ice protesters wanted...
the camera's disabled, but I didn't see that it actually happened is all.
I'll find your...
Bro.
It's all weird.
I'm actually looking at it right there.
I've kind of checked out.
Let me hear this.
Oh.
Human rights group to...
Human rights group to university administrators dismantle surveillance to
defend free speech
now.
Huh?
I don't know if they did it.
What does that mean?
The Brown put off because the sanctuary city law that we have.
You don't want to recall illegal immigrants.
And you don't want to provide the footage to the FBI or immigration authority.
One camera and that building.
It comes from your detectives.
They are friends of mine.
They're angry at this investigation.
If these people in Brown University put the camera off, they can identify that
person.
Do you imagine how the family want to go through?
Tell the truth to the media here.
You guys should check putting cameras off and...
We heard from both the Brown police chiefs.
Isn't that where that girl got taken for writing the letter right when this all
started?
Wasn't she a Brown student or something?
Was it?
I thought it was Columbia.
I don't remember though.
I don't remember though.
See if you can find that story.
Because that story is also fucking crazy.
Like you're deporting a student for having an opinion about a world war.
It's a war that's happening, right?
Yeah.
At least from one side of it.
Like having an opinion is a problem that gets you ejected from the country.
Like especially you're at a university, which is supposed to be a place where
ideas get challenged.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It turns out both sides are totally hypocritical and do exactly what the other
side did.
It's interesting because we're getting to see it more clearly than we've ever
seen it before.
Right?
Yeah.
It seems like it.
It's Tufts University.
Tufts.
Arrested and detained by ICE agents in Somerville, Massachusetts.
What did she say?
She wrote something in the newspaper, I think.
Like the school newspaper.
Right.
An op-ed.
But what was it?
Let's see if we can read it.
I wonder what got her deported.
What were the words?
Criticizing leadership.
She criticized Tufts' leadership response to the Tufts Community Union Senate
passing several resolutions
concerning human rights violations in Gaza months after the op-ed was written
and just weeks before she was detained.
The website Canary Mission published a profile on Miss, I don't know how to say
her name,
Ozturk, including her photograph claiming she engaged in anti-Israel activism.
Its sole support for the contention was a link in screenshots of her op-ed.
When asked about her case, Secretary of State Marco Rubio confirmed revoking
her visa, adding,
we gave you a visa to come and study and get a degree, not to become a social
activist that tears up our university campuses.
Shut up, Marco.
So she was asking, put that up again, please.
So she was asking, she was criticizing Tufts' leadership's response to the Tufts
Community Union Senate
passing several resolutions.
So she must be a part of the Tufts Community Union Senate, or someone is.
So they passed several resolutions concerning human rights violations.
So like, what is, like, what was she, I want to know what she actually said.
You know what I mean?
I mean, we're getting a synopsis of what her actual op-ed was.
I can find the op-ed.
See if we can find it.
It's just interesting.
Because like, what can get you kicked out of a country that is the most pro-free
speech country on planet Earth?
Like, what gets you kicked out?
Is it really, is it all?
Free speech.
Right.
But is it only that one?
Free speech will get you fucking kicked out.
Is it only that one?
Like, what if you had an opinion on Ukraine and Russia?
Would that date you kicked out?
I doubt it.
That's weird, right?
It certainly is.
That's kind of weird.
It's a little strange.
Are you noticing?
Give me two more beers.
I'll let you know.
I'll let you know my algorithm's been feeding me.
It's kind of crazy.
Because, you know, unless someone is outright calling for violence or
revolution or to ignore the laws or ignore the rules,
if they're just having an opinion on a gigantic international conflict.
Sure.
That seems crazy to want to kick them out of the country.
Unless there's something more that I don't know.
Yeah, maybe she must have said something you would think pretty crazy.
Right.
But I bet you she didn't.
Yeah, she might not have.
We'll see.
I bet it was a wild-ass statement.
Oh, this is so long.
Try again, President Kumar.
Renewing calls for Tufts to adopt March 4th TCU Senate resolutions.
University's response to Senate resolutions.
Holy, inadequate, and dismissive of the Senate, the collective voice of the
student body.
First of all, why would Tufts be doing anything about what's happening in Gaza?
And what could they really do?
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, but if, yeah.
Like, what could they really do?
I don't know.
They might stop it.
Investments and divesting from companies and direct or indirect ties to Israel
is what they were talking about.
Right.
But the problem is, aren't those companies, Israel's not a communist
dictatorship.
So those companies that you're not going to invest in, they're just citizens of
Israel.
Like, you're citizens of America.
You know what I mean?
It's like, there's a lot of people that were protesting Netanyahu before
October 7th.
It's like, not everybody agrees with everybody.
It's not like Israel's a monoculture that only has, like, one thing that they
think.
There's a lot of people over there that don't like their government.
So, like, to ban their business and not use their business, like, what?
Fuck if I know.
I don't know.
What does that do?
It puts pressure on them to vote differently, I guess.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Where was she from?
But, again, isn't that, that's just an opinion?
Sure.
I think it's an opinion.
It didn't even, I don't think she even said anything that wild in there.
No.
Is that what the fuck is she got kicked out for?
There's probably a lot more to it, but just.
One of three or four authors of this paper, even.
That's one of those things where, like, you've got to be able to talk about
shit like that.
And if you can talk about shit like that if you're from Ohio and they're not
going to send you out of the country somewhere.
You know what I'm saying?
Why can't you talk about it if you're from another country?
Just a guy from Ohio at a bar.
I feel like once you are in America legally, shouldn't we treat you like a
fucking American?
Other than, you know.
Certainly.
Yeah.
Other than you being able to vote yet.
But once you're here legally, we've agreed.
They can in a lot of places.
They can vote.
Turns out they can.
They're getting some votes in.
They're getting a fucking ton of votes.
It's not zero.
It's not zero.
Anybody who says it's zero is fucking lying.
Yep.
Did you see that most recent thing about the Georgia elections?
No.
Oh, it's kind of crazy.
I told you.
I checked out, dude.
I'm watching fighter jet highlight videos on my phone.
That's it.
You're better off that way.
You're better off checking out.
I'm waiting for the college football playoffs.
Yeah.
Patiently.
They found a ton of – well, I don't want to put it – let me pause for a
second when
I find this.
I got the tweet.
You got it?
Yeah, but I think it's a – I don't know.
I don't think it – I don't know either.
I'm not paying attention to this.
I don't think they found votes.
Well, they were saying that 315,000 early votes lacked the poll workers'
signatures.
We don't dispute the allegation.
Right.
So if that's true, they admit that 315,000 votes lacked poll workers'
signatures and they
were counted in 2020.
I don't think that's legal.
Let's put that into perplexity.
Is that legal?
Like if that's true, is that legal?
And should those votes have counted?
Because here's where it gets crazy.
Trump lost to Biden in Georgia by – I think it was 11,000 votes.
Yeah, I read, though, that they had already done a hand count of these votes
since – because
this has been disputed for the last five years, you know.
So what does that mean?
They did a hand count of the votes.
The thing is it doesn't have the poll signature, right?
I'm just saying that's separate from the poll.
I don't even know what that means.
Right, but what the accusation at least is that 315,000 lacked – so put the
tweet
up again so we can read the accusation.
It says 315,000 early votes that lacked poll workers' signatures.
So a poll worker is supposed to sign every one of them, right?
I was trying to read into what this means.
There's something like each day when they use the machine, they have to like
zero out
the machine to make sure like, you know, it's starting at zero.
And then at the end of the day, you've got to sign off on what it says.
Someone counted them or something like that.
And they don't have evidence because there wasn't anything being signed that
this even
started at zero.
They could have had their sample tally still on there from their practicing the
machines
to make sure they counted right.
There's a lot of discrepancies on what that could have meant.
I think it's a chain of custody issue.
I don't know, again, what that means specifically to this particular case.
So it could mean many things.
And one of the things that it could mean is that 315,000 early votes were
bullshit.
They also don't know who voted for who in those 315,000 votes.
Right.
I'm going to take a guess.
I bet if we tallied those up.
That's right.
I think I was reading into these tweets.
Some people were like, this is nonsense because they've already gone back and
counted them all.
But people are fighting with those people.
The problem is when you asked Trump about it, like when I had him on the
podcast, I'm like,
you think they stole the 2020 election?
Tell me what's the evidence.
He didn't.
Well, he might not have remembered.
He might have just said, tell me what they did.
And had somebody work on it.
And then they told him.
And then he starts talking about it.
But he didn't really go in depth about it.
I don't know.
But he didn't have a satisfactory answer.
No, he didn't.
I was hoping he did.
I was hoping he did, too.
I was hoping that he would have said they stole it through propaganda and shit.
Or what happened.
In those years.
Certainly.
And instead it was just down to like, he thought, like voter fraud.
Yeah.
Which I'm sure there was some.
But it was like, you could have had an argument with what happened in 2020 and
leading up to it.
Yeah.
You could definitely have a thing where you see with the FBI and the Twitter
files and all that shit.
Yeah.
With the Hunter Biden laptop story.
Yeah, but he didn't even bring that up.
Yeah, he should have brought that up.
Georgia officials and complaints agree that failing to obtain required poll
worker signatures on the tabulator tapes for roughly 315,000 early vote ballots
in Fulton County was a violation of Georgia election procedure law, i.e. it was
not done in compliance with the statute.
That does not automatically mean individual voters did anything wrong or that
their ballots are criminally illegal.
But it does mean the county certification process for those votes did not
follow the state legal requirements.
So, those are not supposed to have been counted?
Is that what they're saying?
Because it didn't follow the requirements?
That's what they're saying.
So, it says, scroll back up again so I can hear.
So, it says, poll workers must also print and sign zero tapes at the start of
voting to show machines begin at zero.
And these signed tapes serve as the official certification that reported totals
from the scanner are authentic.
So, that's what they require.
So, they require people to do that.
So, maybe someone didn't do that, what they were required.
That's a possibility.
I think 36 did.
36 of 37 advanced voting precincts in Fulton County had failed to sign the tabulation
tapes, including that the county violated official election record document
processes required by statute.
The ones, the voting precincts put this in, that failed to sign the tabulation
tapes, were they predominantly Republican or Democrat?
Just Google Fulton County.
Click images.
Yeah, I think you know.
What do you think?
I don't know.
Well, I mean, if the Republicans are complaining about it, it's obviously a
Democrat.
Right.
For sure.
Predominantly, it was close.
Here we go.
That's how I would have spelled it.
That's how I would have spelled it.
I thought it was right.
I can't believe anything's wrong there.
I thought it was right.
I wonder if AI would have figured it out.
It would have.
If complexity would have.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Specific 36 to 37 advanced voting locations with unsigned tapes are not
publicly broken out by party, but Fulton County as a whole is strongly
Democratic.
In other words, those affected advanced voting sites would be expected to be
predominantly Democrat in their results, not Republican.
Weird that 36 out of 37 that have unsigned tapes are strong Democratic and that
there's 315,000 votes that aren't supposed to be there.
They didn't sign for the—but it's okay.
Don't worry about it.
We just forgot to tally.
Fuck it.
We forgot the tally.
Whoopsies.
We were so busy making sure we saved democracy that we forgot the tally.
They saved it.
It was a fucking good four years.
What a great move, though.
If they really did steal the election, like, wow.
Is that the first time anyone's ever done it?
I don't know if they did it.
I'm not saying they did it, but I'm saying if they did do it.
Like, what a great movie that would be.
There's no way.
That's the first one.
A bunch of fucking pink-haired dorks who really do hijack the system.
Good for them.
In the fucking back rooms, like, licking envelopes and sealing mail-in ballots.
I asked the thing I read, and it says that they were both hand-counted and
fully audited after the fact.
I asked if they had found a problem certification, and it says that they did.
Hand-counted and fully audited after the fact.
There's no way the people that didn't sign are the ones making sure to tell
everyone it was hand-counted, right?
It says hand-counted, but then recounted by machine.
Now recounted.
And those processes included Fulton, even though the later issue about unsigned
early voting tapes was not corrected by a new post-2024 hand-count.
Wait a minute.
What does that mean?
Was the issue about unsigned early voting tapes was not corrected by a new post-2024
hand-count?
Hmm.
This is a weird, I don't know what any of this stuff means, to be honest with
you.
Yeah, what does that mean?
That's what's confusing.
Was there 315 weird votes or not?
Because that is the main, like, right-wing, I bet if you went on Truth Social
and asked them how did they steal the election, they'd fucking, I bet you can't
get banned from Truth Social, right?
You probably can't get banned.
Maybe you say something liberal.
You'd have to say, but you'd have to be a crazy liberal.
Or if you said, I believe that there's two genders on Blue Sky, you're dunsies.
Are you?
Instant.
Gone.
See ya.
Blue Sky's nuts.
Bro, they go crazy.
Do you know what McCann told us?
I do.
I do know what he told us.
I don't know how true that is.
Yeah, we should find out.
Yeah, let's find out.
So McCann says that they created a ban in Australia on social media for kids
under 16, that this ban includes Instagram and TikTok.
But does not include Blue Sky.
If that's true, that is crazy.
You're just, you, like, up until 16 years old, the only way you get to
communicate is the most radically leftist site available.
In Blue Sky, I saw this lady, or one guy, rather, said, I'm trying to be zen
about it.
Like, something happened to him.
I'm trying to be zen about it.
And then this other guy underneath it chimes in.
It would be great if you would stop being racist to Asians.
Maybe he was being funny.
No, no, no.
No, he's being serious.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
There's no humor over there.
There's no humor.
It is a fucking SSRI soup.
There's no humor over there.
It's an SSRI soup.
There's no humor.
I fuck with Blue Sky.
I got to get on there.
I thought it was Blue Sky for so long.
Call it Blue Sky.
Blue Sky.
I bet a lot of people got to call it that now.
Blue Sky is nice.
They'll ban the fuck out of you.
The law's initial list of restricted platforms includes Facebook, Instagram, X,
TikTok, YouTube, Snapchat, Reddit, Threads, Kik, and Twitch.
Other platforms including Steam, Blue Sky, WhatsApp, and YouTube Kids were
considered but not included in the ban.
So that's true.
So Blue Sky, which is just Twitter but for super hardcore lefties, is not
included in the ban.
Hold on.
Did they ban True Social?
Doesn't seem like they did.
I know.
Put that into perplexity.
Find out if the Australian ban includes True Social.
They're banning Trump's tweets.
Imagine if you get on True Social when you're 13, they'll let you get buck wild,
but blue skis just like tanking kids.
That's wild.
Turning kids trans left and right.
Reddit's available.
I thought it just said Reddit was not.
I thought they said Reddit was one of the ban.
The link I just clicked said it could extend to Reddit, Twitch, and Roblox,
even dating apps.
But some people are bribing them.
Let's be honest.
If it's Roblox, people are bribing them.
Reddit's a little...
Reddit's left-leaning.
Reddit is among the companies that has approached...
I think they need to have certain things on their websites, and those websites
that are banned don't have those blocks of filters available yet.
I tell you, I tell you, I tried to jack off on Reddit.
Did I tell you that?
Because they banned Pornhub here.
Oh, I see.
So I was like, I heard people jack off on Reddit, and I tried to avoid Reddit.
And then as soon as I opened it, first thing was like, Shane Gillis fucking
sucks now.
I was like, no.
No.
I still got one off.
But it was a tough one.
There's a lot of mean, angry people out there, Shane.
Yeah.
A lot of people are not happy in their life.
For sure.
That is a...
The porn thing's a weird one, too, because kids know about VPNs.
You're just keeping stupid kids from jerking off.
It's probably good.
It's probably...
Don't you want them out of cum?
No, no.
You want the stupid ones out of cum so they're not making dumb decisions.
You're making another good point.
Yeah, you want them all dried out.
You want the kids...
You sound like you're tweeting on Blue Ski, dude.
All those stupid kids, you just want them jerking off as much as possible.
We should have an IQ test to see if you could get porn, and that IQ test should
be really
making sure you're dumb.
And if you're too smart, fuck you.
Yeah, you don't need...
Like, if you pass it...
You gotta go study.
You go study.
But if you hit, like, a 65...
Jack off.
They just go, go ahead, jack off.
Jack off.
Imagine that?
That would be a way that would keep dumb people, like, sedated.
Just give them as much porn.
I think they are sedated.
Maybe that's what they're doing to us, to all of us.
Just keep giving us live porn 24-7, anytime you want it.
Hop on a website.
That's a good way to keep dumb people just dried up, out of jizz, sleepy, no
motivation.
Yeah, the porn on the phone is pretty crazy.
It used to, you know, it's a classic bit, but you gotta...
It used to be an ordeal to get your hands on that shit.
Yeah.
Now it's just, like, I'll be watching a...
I was watching...
I was watching Revolutionary War, Doc, last night.
And in between, I was just like, pause.
All right, let's see what happened at Ticonderoga.
That was last night.
And you are one of 99% of the population of men when they're alone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm watching Ken Burns' Revolution.
Right.
Seahawks, Seahawks Rams just finished up.
Classic game.
Toss on some Revolutionary War.
Started dragging a little.
I said, fuck it, pause.
Jack off.
I didn't know Benedict Arnold was the hero of Ticonderoga.
Now you're actually interested in it and not distracted.
Fully not distracted.
Do you know John Lilly, the guy who invented the sensory deprivation tank?
No, I don't.
He was involved...
He was cracking them off in there.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
For sure.
He definitely had a family.
He was like, this is a chamber that no one can go in.
He was jacking off, dude.
Probably.
But more importantly, he also ran this research where they were working with
dolphins.
It was like, he was a pioneer in interspecies communication.
So they were attempting to teach dolphins how to speak.
And so this lady...
I'm not bullshitting you.
I know.
It's just the dumbest group of people.
It's the dumbest idea.
They were all on ketamine.
Yeah.
This lady lived in a house that was like three feet high in water with a
fucking dolphin.
Yeah.
And the thing was, they found out that she had to jack the dolphin off.
If she didn't jack the dolphin off, the dolphin would not pay attention.
I've heard this story, yes.
So every day she would jack him off and they went, what?
Cancel this fucking project.
Yeah, but...
This lady's jacking off dolphins.
I bet you by the hundredth, hundredth, twentieth time jacking him off, he was
like, oh, shit.
He's just, holy fuck.
The problem with dolphins is they don't have lips, right?
So they make a totally different kind of sound.
You can't get them to sound like a human.
And these fucking idiots are like, hello.
I swear.
Hello.
He's like...
I swear to God, the Nazis were trying to get dogs to talk.
Oh, I bet they were.
Everyone's trying to get...
What's that, Jeremy?
Everyone's trying to get animals to talk.
What do you got?
What is it?
The whole documentary called The Dolphin House.
Oh, about the place where this lady lived?
Yeah.
There's Lily.
That's the guy.
I hate to be this guy, but I would hit pause on that documentary and crack one
off.
Like, fully.
I'd be disappointed in myself.
See, this lady just lived with a fucking dolphin.
Where was this?
Where were they?
Like, where was the house?
Damn.
She just had to jack that dolphin off all the time.
Bro, think if that was your wife, and then this documentary comes out later,
and you're
like, what?
What did you do?
Also, again.
I did research.
I did scientific research.
You get off my back.
I know, but...
I was young and single, and we hadn't even met yet.
I was jacked off dolphins.
I don't care.
You didn't tell me.
You jacked off dolphins.
We were engaged.
You were jacking off dolphins for research.
Depends how long you've made.
The guy would get all really testy.
St. Thomas.
Oh, okay.
But the bummer thing is the dolphin doesn't want to be in that stupid little
house.
The dolphin wants to be out there swimming.
After a while, he did.
After he got a few bandies.
Yeah, fuck that.
Yeah, that's the jackpot.
Right.
Put him in a house.
He's in a fucking house.
They're feeding him.
He's getting jacked off.
You want to hear a dark truth about dolphins?
Female dolphins are very promiscuous.
We should make sure this is true.
Because I've been saying it for years.
Are female dolphins sluts?
And I think they think the theory is because when they have babies, it takes a
long time for them to raise their baby and they won't breed while they're
taking care of their babies.
I think it's like several years.
And so the males will kill babies of a female they haven't slept with.
So they can keep fucking?
Yes.
So they can get them to fuck.
They'll kill the baby of a female that they haven't slept with.
So the females sleep with as many men as possible so that the dolphin doesn't
know whether or not it's his kids.
That's cool.
It is.
Yeah.
But it's also like, yo, how ruthless is everybody?
Yeah.
I mean, dolphins are supposed to be our peaceful, spiritual cousins that live
in the ocean.
No.
And meanwhile, they regularly kill babies and they force their ladies into
being hoes so that they don't get their babies killed.
Whenever you look at animals, you've got to think about what we do.
The part, darling.
The part of all.
The murder part?
It's true.
Yeah, if male dolphins kill the babies of female dolphins they haven't had sex
with.
You've got to think about what we do and then you think dolphins are dumber
than us.
They're probably doing crazy shit.
I don't know if they are dumber than us.
That's what's weird.
They fucking better be.
They can't affect their environment.
We assume that intelligence is only the ability to manipulate your environment.
That's what we assume.
Because we associate intelligence with all the stuff that we've created.
But we don't even know what the fuck they're saying.
You know, we haven't been able to decipher their language.
They have very specific languages.
She was probably two or three jack-offs away from finding out.
She was right on the cusp.
They should have just left her alone.
You dumb whore, get out of here.
She was so close.
She needed more funding.
They just needed more funding.
Male dolphins sometimes kill calves sired by other males to bring the mother
back into estrus sooner.
Allowing them to mate and pass on their genes a behavior called infanticide
observed in species like bottlenose and pacific white-sided dolphins.
Yeah.
Species makes them have like a high-speed race, it says, to find the best agile
partner.
Jeez.
Most agile?
You gotta win that race.
Shit, I'd be a terrible dolphin.
Oh, they have a race.
That's crazy.
They hit them with the fucking pursuit by several males in high-speed chases.
They hit them with the cone drill.
Yes, females show selectivity for agile partners and can control fertilization
via vaginal structure.
Oh, so a guy could nut in them and they'd be like, no, no, baby, fuck you.
Oh, that's a nice thing.
That's just a nut.
That's a nice thing.
I wish girls could do that.
Imagine that if they just come up with that instead of abortion.
They just go, oh, we're just going to give you a dolphin pussy.
Just lock it down.
Oh, look at this next part.
Just when the guy nuts and you lock it down.
Okay, make an agreement.
Are you sure you're going to lock it down?
You told me you want babies.
Fucking swear to God?
No, no, no.
I'm locking it down for you.
You swear to God?
This comes from the question, are female dolphins sluts?
Right.
Yeah.
Females participate in same-sex genital rubbing, masturbation, and pleasure-seeking
via functional
coturuses rich in nerves, indicating sex serves social enjoyment roles beyond
procreation.
Up to 75% of dolphins' sexual activity may prioritize pleasure or alliances
over breeding.
Males often coerce via alliances, but females evade or reposition to exert
choice.
So they scissor.
Female scissoring in the dolphin community.
I like it.
We broke that news here.
Bring that up.
There was a dusky dolphin, dude?
What's that one doing?
Just fucking boys in Penn State's locker room?
Oh, Jesus.
Come on.
No.
No.
I told you I had a couple now.
No, he's ready to roll.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Old dusky dolphin.
Yeah.
So, like, when we think about, like, peaceful creatures on Earth, we're the
most.
We're number one.
We're the most peaceful.
There's no chance.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
As war-like as we are, as far as intelligent life.
Okay, all right, all right.
I'll give you...
Well, no, dude.
There's got to be some peaceful guys.
Dolphins must be going to war with each other, right?
There's no way those hyraxes aren't doing anything.
No, there's no way we're the most peaceful.
What are the prey dogs?
The most peaceful are those chimpanzees, the bonobos, or the...
Yeah, there's monkeys that are chilling.
All they do is fuck each other.
Yeah.
Bonobos are wild.
They look a lot like chimps, just a little softer.
Yeah.
And all they do is just get it on.
Who are those guys with those big noses?
Oh.
Those are funny guys.
Those are weird.
That's a weird look.
How about the ones when their asshole lights up when they want to puck?
Their asshole becomes, like, a target when they want to fuck.
You go to a strip club, they do that.
Oh, bro, this is different.
They put a light up in there.
They put a light in bucklugs.
No, they have bucklugs.
They put bucklugs in there.
Oh, God.
They light up bucklugs?
Really?
Oh, bro, pull that bucky back up.
Yeah, let me look at that guy.
Look at this guy's face.
How are ya?
Hold on.
Can you get him making a noise?
They're very funny.
Yeah.
That's the physique I'm going for.
There was an old school comedian that had this big crazy nose, and they would
call him
the schnoz.
Who the fuck am I thinking of?
Like, old-timey movies.
They'd call him the schnoz.
That's it.
Jimmy Durante.
Yeah.
He does look like a proboscis.
A lot like one.
But his whole thing was, like, his nose was huge.
Yeah, you got that fucking schnoz.
That's the hell of a schnoz.
There's no other way to describe that.
Ari Shaffir would make fun of his nose.
Yeah, the schnoz.
Yeah.
Look, I mean, all of his photo, all the caricatures, his nose is preposterous.
He aged into it.
Yeah.
Worked out for him.
When you're a young man with that fucking nose, that's tough.
That's a rough time.
He probably wasn't.
This guy, this is nice.
Wait till you hear this fucker talking.
Nose like a man.
Nose like a man, yeah.
What?
I like those guys.
They have to be peaceful.
Oh, that's a weird face, man.
Imagine if they were trying.
That's what women look like now.
Yeah.
For real.
The nose job.
That's exactly what women look like.
It's a Michael Jackson thing.
Yeah.
Bro, imagine if that was 10 feet tall and was trying to kill your baby.
You know what I'm saying?
Whoa.
What did they do in a past life to come back as that?
They must have been really mean.
They must have been a really mean person.
What are you talking about, dude?
They must have been a really mean person in a past life.
Yo.
Bro.
Jesus.
That's like a man.
That's like a really evil man from the past
who has been reincarnated as this fucked up monkey.
Like he's kind of conscious that something's wrong.
He's like, why am I not in my medieval manner?
You're at the Baltimore Zoo.
He's getting stared at by little kids.
This is good stuff.
What was that other one?
The Michael Jackson one?
I liked that guy.
The noseless one.
What was that tiny little fucking guy?
That tiny little guy was terrifying.
It was huge.
You know?
It was real big and giant.
It would suck to get killed by a giant cute thing.
You know what I mean?
Like a giant fluffy.
You know, some of the monkeys are really cute.
Like if he was like six inches tall, he would be really cute.
Like, oh my god, he's so cute.
If he was ten feet tall, he would be fucking terrifying.
Yeah, he'd be an incredible snowman.
Look at that fucking thing.
That's what I'm saying.
Bro, that thing is terrifying.
It's got like a bat nose.
Look at his fucking creepy ass nose.
That would rip your fucking face right off.
Just jump on your face.
You wouldn't be able to pull it off.
Your nose would be gone.
That rules.
Right.
But if it's ten feet tall, it doesn't rule.
That thing's standing outside your village, waiting for you to dog to go
outside.
That's a giant dick.
Shit.
That's a big man.
Why are they so fucking cute when they're little?
But if that thing was giant and had fangs, if it was ten feet tall, but it
wouldn't be.
It was big and scary.
It would have a scary face.
Like, why is that?
Why do the little ones...
What is cute?
Why do the little ones literally have a cute face that if you made that thing
big, it wouldn't be as scary?
Maybe that's just our instinct to think babies are cute so we don't throw them.
Maybe, huh?
When you see that guy, you go, he's great.
You see what the dolphins do.
Yeah.
Maybe, like, it's, like, built into it, but...
There's a lot of stepdads listening to this right now, getting dolphin impulses
going.
Fucking, I wish I could kill that little motherfucker.
It is weird, though, right?
Because all the big, scary things look scary.
Grizzlies are kind of cute.
No, they're not.
No.
I was telling you, that was the only thing that I've ever seen in the wild.
Toss up, cute grizzly.
The only thing I've ever seen in the wild...
Polar bears are kind of cute, fellas.
Bro.
Obviously, they're terrifying, but if he was fucking one feet tall, you'd go,
that's an adorable
guy.
That's a good point.
You know what I mean?
Until he was, like, tearing apart a seal.
Until he was bigger than you.
Yeah.
Bro, what are you talking about?
Look at that guy.
That's a cub, first of all.
That's still good.
Look at these guys walking, dude.
Show them walking.
J-Mo, get them walking.
Look at that.
That's pretty cute.
Show Kodiak brown bear eating a moose.
Put that in there.
Kodiak brown bear eating a moose.
Bro, there's one of them that got this moose off the side of the road and was
dragging it
uphill.
The moose is, like, 1,200 pounds.
Did you see the one during the wedding?
Which one is it?
Oh, yeah.
There's a wedding.
There's a wedding, and then on the other side of the fucking river, there's
just a grizzly
tearing apart a moose.
Yeah, they got married in Alaska.
Whoops.
Dude, how do you kill a moose?
Bro, they can kill anything.
They literally kill anything.
I mean, he's just riding his back, drowning him.
Oh, that reminds me.
Look at this.
He's just hanging onto his fucking back.
Look at this.
So cute.
That's a moose, man.
Moose are so big.
I video that guy in the, that moose comes up to him.
I sent it in the group chat, or you did.
Yeah.
It's the scariest fucking animal I've ever seen.
Oh, they're scary.
It's like a dinosaur.
It's fucking terrifying.
They're so big, dude.
There's a guy hunting, and a moose just comes up to him and is, like, staring
at him.
I don't know how to describe it.
Well, they're so huge.
No, this is not it, but still terrifying.
Not it, but still.
That's not even a really big one.
That moose, like, the one that you see in the car.
Actually, that's a pretty big one.
His paddles are just going the wrong way.
Yeah, that's huge.
Wah.
Whoa.
Yeah, don't do that.
Also, borderline looks like AI, but it's probably not.
Well, a lot of them are right now.
Yeah.
That's a problem.
Almost everything is like a trick left and right.
There's, like, the giant cat walking up to save its baby.
Moose are not afraid of you, though.
That's one thing that's true.
But, generally, they're very aggressive.
And, depending upon what time of the year, they'll fuck your car up, man.
That's not it, J-Mo, but I still, I don't want to see a moose get shot.
You love that shit.
I don't want to see those boys get shot.
Have you ever eaten moose meat?
No.
It's delicious.
It's really good.
It's the reason why bears try so hard to kill them.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah, I get it.
So, they're cute.
Up to a point.
Bears?
Yeah.
They're cute.
Up until they're about two years old.
We were talking about it earlier.
I don't like black bears' eyes.
Bears do have shitty eyes.
Bro.
They're so cute.
They're so close to being cute.
They got weird looking eyes.
One of the weird things about, like, yeah, this one.
Look at that fuck.
Oh, yeah.
He's looking at him like, dude, I will fuck you up, is what he's saying.
Look how big he is.
That's why they're scarier than every other deer, because they'll come fuck you
up.
Just beat your ass off.
It's on sight.
Stomp you to death.
Stomp you to death.
And this guy is being smart by staying between the trees.
This is very dangerous.
Like, if he was out in an open field, he'd be fucksville right now.
If he couldn't get to cover to a bunch of trees.
Look at these guys, like, duking it out in a driveway.
Fucking their car up.
Why do dogs just run straight into that?
Do you ever see dogs do that shit?
They're dumb.
Because we took them from wolves and turned them into little bitches.
Dude, I've seen deer just fuck dogs up.
There's a lot of those compilations.
Oh, yeah.
They start doing this.
Yeah, yeah.
They get on their heels.
But a lot of dogs kill deer, too.
There's that classic of that guy putting, it's an old one, but he put deer piss
all over him,
and then a duck walk comes and just beats the shit out.
He doesn't get a shot off.
He gets his ass beat.
He's like, turn the camera off.
Oh, my God.
What a moron.
That's like the number one hunting in America, is white-tailed deer.
Yeah.
Number one game.
Pennsylvania.
Yeah, by far.
That's where I'm from.
Yeah.
Iowa and PA, right?
Yeah, well, my family lived in Harrisburg for a while.
My parents did.
I always forget.
That's insane.
I used to go to visit them.
You should have been a Harrisburg man.
I'm like, you've got deer everywhere out here.
You could have been a central PA, man.
You would have never done anything.
Well, you did.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Shut up.
You would have been chilling.
I doubt it.
You would have been an Elks.
You would have been an Elks bar.
You would have met Phil.
I don't think I'm designed for that.
I would not be happy chilling.
Shit box, dude.
I know.
If you were from central PA, you'd be into college football.
You love it all.
It fucking rules.
I just have to assume that who I am now, I would always have been.
No, that's silly.
No, like the way I like things.
The things I like.
No, you would have been a Nerd Aim fan, dude.
It could have been so sick.
So sick.
Well, I definitely could have been a fan, but I still would be doing this.
I think I'd be doing the same shit I'm doing.
I'd figure out a way to do something.
Yeah.
As long as I didn't get saddled down at a young age.
You go to that Elks bar.
Get married at 18.
Yep.
Fuck.
Drink and drive home.
Your babe's there.
She's pretty good.
You got to get dad now at 18.
Yeah, but then that's when your fanhood of college football becomes greater.
Uh-huh.
You go, dude, I get three hours on Saturday.
I can't fucking wait.
Who do we have?
Ah, fuck.
It's central Michigan.
Fuck.
It's going to be a blowout.
Whatever.
I'm going to have beers.
That's good stuff.
And then you golf.
Then you get to golf.
You go, fuck, I suck at golf.
Who gives a shit?
I'm getting wasted.
It's a good life.
I'm jealous of it.
It does sound like a good life.
But it's also a difficult one.
For sure.
But that's the best life.
Is it?
Yeah, good, difficult.
Yeah, that's the point.
Why is good and difficult the best life?
That's what makes going to that bar so fucking sick.
You know what I mean?
Having a shitty job.
Shitty job.
Yeah.
You sit down and you go, bro, let me tell you about how shitty my fucking job
is.
Yeah.
You go get fucking hammered.
Three beers in, you go, my job fucking rules.
My life rules.
You know what?
I'm going to go beat the fuck out of my wife.
Oh, my God.
See that Iraq video of those guys boxing?
You go, I'm going to make her put some headgear on when I get home.
Yeah.
No, it's good.
Obviously, you know, it's not like the best, but it's a good life.
Fucking drinking and golfing with your friends?
Yeah.
It's funny to watch your friends age into that because my friends were never
like that.
Now I'll go home and they're like, everyone got fat, which that's fun.
You see your boys, you go, yeah, it sucks, doesn't it?
Yeah.
And then they just love just hitting the local bar, getting a couple, going
home.
Hopefully, the kids are asleep.
It's fun.
It's fun to watch from a distance.
I can't.
Like, I'll go home for the holidays and then my sister will bring her kids over.
I'm good for about 30 minutes.
Well, all the things you said, the fun parts about it is that it's not
complicated and you're just having a good time.
Yeah.
And the idea is that if you're having a good time, you'll have a better time.
If the rest of your day sucks, you appreciate those guys more.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I get it.
I get it.
You could have been.
You could have been a great Central Pennsylvania.
I don't know, man.
Central Western PA.
You could have been a Steelers fan.
You could have been a contender.
Instead, you're just doing this bullshit.
Instead, you're fucking doing this crap.
I think I was always going to just mostly be interested in one-on-one sports.
Maybe.
For whatever reason.
I like team sports.
I love watching a good football game.
You could have been a running back.
We could have got you in the slot.
No.
My fucking high school wrestling coach tried to get me to play football.
And I was like, no.
We had this kid.
His name was Bobby Baker.
He was 300 pounds.
Team sports.
He was our heavyweight.
He was huge.
Yeah.
And I was like, me and him would be playing the same game.
Yeah.
So he would run over me.
That's crazy.
No, he couldn't catch you.
Whatever.
That's the whole point.
What if he did?
I'm not taking that chance.
Occasionally, they catch you.
He was fucking huge.
I was like, I'm not taking that chance.
I was like, no.
I wrestled at 134 pounds.
I am not fucking playing football.
Oh, you could have been a contender, Joe.
Yeah.
I didn't like the idea.
Team sports are awesome.
I also didn't like the idea of random people being charging at you and colliding.
I'm like, no, no, no, no.
One in one.
Let's figure this out.
Football, somebody's hitting you and you're not looking.
Exactly.
I don't like it.
A lot.
I don't like it.
You're chasing someone this way and someone just.
Yeah, but then you get them.
The best feeling in the world is when someone's not looking and you get to
fucking level them.
It's so sick.
Oh, I bet.
It was my favorite.
I bet.
Thankfully, I played offense.
Catch them slipping?
Offense, I got a lot of those.
But every once in a while, we'd throw an interception.
I had no idea how to pursue a corner just running.
I'd be.
I don't know where to look.
I'm kidding.
I got laid out.
It's fun.
Team sports, bro.
I get it.
The camaraderie.
You like fucking hunting with those guys.
It's a team sport.
Not really.
You're all going out on your own.
Or you're going out two at a time.
Okay.
Yeah.
Like Cam and I went together.
But it's you.
The thing about team sports that's awesome is the camaraderie, right?
That's what's awesome.
But we still always drive me nuts when I was playing baseball.
I played baseball as a kid.
I don't want to be a loser because little Billy dropped the ball.
Baseball is also still kind of an individual sport.
There's a lot of like a pitcher versus a batter.
It was the way I played it.
It's very individual.
I sucked.
You should have seen what happened to me at baseball.
I sucked.
I sucked.
I hit puberty and just lost all hand-eye coordination for a year.
Dude, my last year playing baseball was like seventh or eighth grade.
I don't think I had a hit for an entire season.
That's hilarious.
That's hilarious.
I remember fifth grade, I got hit by a pitch from a girl.
A girl pitcher.
And I turned when she was throwing it and it hit me right in the back where I
lost.
I lost.
The wind got knocked out of me.
And I was on first base like.
Isn't that crazy?
It's like when you're a boy and then you hit puberty and all of a sudden your
body's weirdly shaped.
It moves differently.
The dynamics are all different.
You can't walk up stairs right.
You think the stairs are taller than they are.
You're like, it's weird.
You grow.
You grow.
You grow and your dick is hard all the time.
Think about those dudes.
You're so distracted.
Some of my friends grew like a foot.
In a year.
In a year.
I was like, dude, that must have hurt like hell.
That's crazy.
It must have fucking killed.
That's so crazy.
You just rock hard.
Everything hurts.
Oh.
Banging into things.
Ow.
Your shins are all in the way of everything.
Your dad's like, you fucking pussy.
Dad, it hurt.
Hilarious.
Yeah.
And no one knows how to do it.
No.
How was it having kids going through puberty?
That must have been crazy.
I mean, they, yeah, they get emotional, but they go from like, because the only
time I've
seen you is my niece.
And it's like, she was like your best friend.
And then there's like two years where it's like, Uncle Shane, you don't know
fucking anything.
Fuck you.
Luckily, our kids are not like that.
They're very communicative.
We have like a really good way of communicating with each other all the time.
There's no like, hateful shit like that.
No, it was, I will say this about it.
But you do get some of that from kids.
All of a sudden you notice it.
They get angry at you for enforcing rules and stuff, but they're pretty fucking
cool.
They're really cool.
The thing is, it's like, the whirlwind is impossible for everybody to come out
flawless.
Like, you're getting hormones.
Your whole life has changed.
All of a sudden you like girls or you like boys and your whole life is now a
pursuit of
getting girls to like you or getting boys to like you.
And then you have friend groups and then everyone has got a fucking-
They're mean.
And you all have a menstrual cycle that syncs up together.
They all get crazy together.
Dude, those, I never even thought about those weeks.
Go exciting.
Menstrual cycles are nuts.
They smell each other and all their fucking blood syncs up on the same time.
It's disgusting.
How weird is that?
And then they all get mean for a week together.
Yeah.
That's why girls don't really have friends.
Well, there's a lot of reasons why they don't have friends.
But think about one week a month.
You and your friends all are fucking nasty to each other.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
It is crazy.
What do you hear of more?
Do you hear of more like a girl being betrayed by one of her friends
and tries to fuck her husband?
You hear about that more than you would hear about a husband
trying to fuck someone's wife, right?
Yeah.
That's like a more risky move.
So that's probably one of the reasons why girls don't trust girls.
Like, that bitch.
She should just go fuck my man.
And also the guy will definitely say yes.
It's such an easy one.
It'll be a secret between us.
Oh, a secret.
Fuck, all right.
Okay.
A secret sounds good.
Yeah, he might kill me.
But yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dun, dun, dun.
Fuck it.
Yeah.
I'm watching this show.
What is it called?
The Beast in Me?
The new Netflix show?
Bro.
The reason why I brought that up, there's a scene where, spoiler alert,
where a cop is banging this other cop, a female cop.
Oh, damn.
I wish there were guys.
It'd be hilarious.
She's married.
And it's like one of them things.
Yeah.
You know?
Like, yee.
There's people out there just.
I think a lot of people.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That show is fucking great, though.
That Claire Danes show.
Have you seen it?
No, I haven't.
I heard it was good.
Oh, it's good.
Nice.
I'm only a couple episodes in, but it's a good one.
I'm about done with the revolution.
That lady can fucking.
Keep jacking off, though.
It's taking forever.
Fuck it.
I've been watching this thing for six weeks.
Keep jacking off.
How far are you?
45 minutes.
I'm jacked off.
When you start pressing play, it picks up where you dropped it off.
You're 45 minutes in the first episode.
Bro.
Oh, man.
I wish I could tell you.
I'm not joking.
I took a picture of it because it was so funny.
I jacked off to a...
That was...
All right.
When I finished jacking off, this is at 1-11 in the morning today.
Okay.
I looked up and the screen was a map of the British invasion.
As soon as I got done, I was like, oh, they're invading Mohawk territory by
Fort Stanwix.
See, I took a photo of it.
I took a photo.
I said, dude, it's insane to finish and look up and go, what am I doing?
What the fuck?
That's funny.
That's so funny.
You got to give it a watch.
Shit rocks.
Yeah.
You're going to fucking jack off a lot.
I won't.
I started it.
I started it.
It's awesome.
Yeah.
All this stuff's awesome.
Ken Burns rules.
He's rules.
He takes topics that you would go, I'm never going to watch that.
Yeah.
Fucking rules.
No, he can do anything.
Baseball, you go, what could be interesting about this?
The Vietnam one was excellent.
Vietnam fucking ruled.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, like, he's really rare because essentially PBS just lets him just put
it together.
I know.
Like, the way he wants, they don't fuck with him at all.
Is Trump trying to get rid of PBS?
I don't know.
He better not.
He can't get rid of Ken Burns.
He better not touch my Ken Burns, dude.
My thought, though, is that he can kind of do that anywhere now.
Sure.
Like, he could do it on YouTube and it would be massive.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Imagine if he put a series like that out on YouTube.
Does YouTube pay for that?
Yeah, they'll pay you.
No, I mean after.
Pay you for downloads.
Yeah, but.
Wouldn't they pay, like, Netflix would probably do it.
He could do Netflix.
They'd probably give them the big money.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He should do HBO.
A lot of his.
Anyway, but his stuff is so good, no one cares where it is.
They'll find it on PBS.
They'll buy the DVD or rent it online.
What budget of fucking PBS is going to Ken Burns, dude?
That must be.
80%.
He's there, Stern.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Like, we got one guy.
We got one guy.
He got Ken Burns.
Fuck.
Stern just re-signed.
I saw that.
Good for him.
Good for him.
I guess he still likes to do it.
Good.
You know?
How long do you think you'll be doing comedy and podcasting?
Do you think you're ever going to get to a point in time?
I don't know how long I'll do podcasting.
I'll probably fucking forever.
Right.
Comedy for sure.
Yeah.
Stand-up for sure.
But the podcasting is where I get a little, like, you're good at it because you
talk about,
like, fucking topics and things you're interested in.
All I have is me.
So after a while, you're like, I don't want to keep putting myself out.
You know what I mean?
Right, right, right, right, right.
I know what you're saying.
It's good.
Like, no privacy.
Yeah.
I know what you're saying.
Yeah.
It's like, but you could do a podcast where you talk to anybody as well.
You could do.
I could do a history podcast if I put, like, any.
One hundred percent.
If I put effort into it.
Yeah.
One hundred percent.
Yeah.
You one hundred percent could.
And you could also do a history podcast where you have an interest in a subject
and you know
a lot about it, but not, like, enough to do a podcast on it.
And just bring an expert in and have a conversation with him about it.
That'd be awesome.
I've thought about it.
I had a teacher at Harrisburg Area Community College who was a, he was a Gettysburg
tour.
He was a tour guide.
And it's Harrisburg Area Community College, so no one gave a fuck.
And I was taking Civil War history.
I was locked in, dude.
This guy fucking loved me.
It was me and ten other fucking low IQ guys jacking off.
And I was just like, oh, so what actually happened at the Battle of Sporting
Hill?
He was like, that's a great question.
It was nice.
Tour guides, you ever go to a battlefield?
No.
Not that I think of.
Bro.
Have I?
Get a tour guide and go to a battlefield.
Shit's awesome.
I don't think I ever have.
Any battlefield.
It's awesome.
They know everything.
It's their whole life.
They just live it.
They fucking are there every day.
They know every single thing.
It's a little weird.
It's awesome.
It's a little weird.
It's a little weird, but it's cool to be a part of.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Okay, I'll go with you.
You can get a guy to, like at Gettysburg, you can get him in your car.
And you just drive the battlefield.
Why don't we just go to the Alamo?
That would be awesome.
That anybody could do it.
I don't know much about Texas history.
I don't know a lot.
Because it was always.
I don't know a whole lot.
I know a lot about the Texas Rangers.
We'd get a Comanche tour.
Ooh, that's what we'd need to get.
There had to be a battle.
Oh, yeah.
But see, it always felt like it was like light cavalry and skirmishes.
Well, there's a lot of that, too.
The real thing that changed was the pistol.
When they figured out how to make a revolver.
Because those dudes at muskets did not stand a fucking chance.
Fuck, I missed.
All right.
I got 15 minutes.
This fucking flying at me.
This guy got jacked.
The thing about the Comanches, too, is they were really good at riding horses
and shooting
arrows off the horses.
So they'd just run right at them and fill them up with arrows.
Think about that, though.
Like, you see an Indian.
You go, all right.
Well, this has worked before.
Out east, I could just sit here and shoot at them.
Guy's riding on the side of his horse, shooting arrows at you.
Yeah.
He's fucking guys doing tricks.
He's hiding behind the body of his horse.
He's doing tricks?
Yeah.
And then he's going to eat my family?
He's going to do some weird shit?
They did some weird shit to people.
Yeah.
Did you ever read Empire of the Summer Moon?
I did.
Bro.
Incredible.
The scene that they describe where they chop this guy's arms and legs off and
then threw
him on the fire while he was still alive to watch him squirm.
I was like, ew.
And he was like, that's why they never surrendered.
They didn't have surrender in their thought process.
They were going to die or kill you.
Yeah.
They're doing the weirdest shit possible.
You got to die after that.
Yeah.
You can't go, all right.
They'll just go to jail.
And they were doing that to other Native Americans, too, by the way.
That's what this was about.
Like, their favorite thing was to go on raiding parties.
Yo.
Damn.
He's just trying to sleep.
Yo.
You got to cut your arms and legs off.
That's why you can't have that CPAP on.
You don't hear the...
You don't hear the full throttle.
You ever see Hostiles?
It's Christian Bale.
I don't think I did see that one.
You would love it.
I'm sure I'd love it.
It fucking rules.
I don't think I did.
The opening scene is...
What year was that from?
2017.
Yeah.
No, I definitely didn't.
The opening scene is some Comanches attacking settlers.
It's fucking great.
Show me what the poster looks like.
I've seen too many movies, dude.
My brain is...
Hostiles rules.
Does it?
Yeah.
No, I didn't see it.
I didn't see it, but I did hear good things about it.
Chalamet.
Chalamet's in that.
It's almost like there's too many fucking movies and too many good ones.
Yeah, give it a shot.
Cracks.
Oh, no.
This is...
Start from the beginning.
You can't watch this.
Oh, dang.
Skip ahead to get some visuals here.
I can't really show it on the screen.
It's, uh...
They're getting attacked.
This guy going, fuck it.
They're going to take the horses.
I'd rather die.
Yeah.
Hmm.
It looks familiar.
It's great.
Maybe I did see it.
Anyway, yeah, it was...
But, uh, you know what I'd like to see is the Little Bighorn.
Never been up there.
Custer's Last Stand.
Ooh.
That'd be a cool one.
Where's that?
Uh, Dakota's...
South Dakota?
I'm a dumbass if I got which one wrong.
It's one of the Dakotas.
Um...
Yeah, that's got to be weird.
To stand on the ground where all those people died.
That's a good one.
Because he was there to hunt them,
and he ended up running into, like,
the biggest congregation of Native Americans ever.
Yeah, ever.
Fucking smug.
They all got together.
Yeah.
North.
Oh, Montana?
What am I...
Montana.
Fucking idiot?
Damn.
Out in the middle of nowhere.
Wow.
Imagine the...
Just the visual of thinking you're chasing them down,
and you're hunting them,
you're on the attack,
and you go over the hill,
and you're like,
oh, shit, no.
Yeah.
What is this?
A reenact?
That's just where it is.
That's what it looks like there.
They probably reenact it every year,
just like the Civil War dorks do.
I've been to those.
I love those.
I go to Gettysburg.
I would go to Gettysburg and watch it.
It was so sick.
That's hilarious.
It was awesome.
That was hilarious.
Yeah.
A little big one would be a sick one.
I was watching this dude.
He had a truck,
a YouTube video,
and he was doing, like,
some upgrade to this truck,
and he pointed to the front license plate,
and he said,
oh,
and here we got a Mississippi license plate,
and I was like,
what is that?
Have you seen the Mississippi flag for the license?
Was it just the Confederate flag?
Kind of.
Have you seen the Mississippi flag?
See if you can find the Mississippi flag.
Because he had a Mississippi flag,
I fucked it up,
but for his front license plate,
and I was like,
wait a minute.
Yeah, Mississippi held it down for,
I think they might still be holding it down.
I think.
It might be a recent update,
but I think that's what it used to look like.
Okay.
That's crazy.
That is so wild.
Ah,
so sick.
I don't give a fuck, dude.
It's fucking sick.
Obviously,
I understand people having a problem with it.
I get it.
I think, well.
I bet that changed around 2021.
That's kind of crazy that they kept that Confederate flag in there for so long.
Oh, wait.
Oh, hold on.
Yeah, 2020.
It's going for 1996 to 2020.
So that's what it was?
96.
So what is it currently?
Pre-96 might have been just the fucking.
Current.
Oh,
they turned into a flower.
That's what it is currently?
It's a flower?
That's hilarious.
Well,
it wasn't for this dude in his truck.
That's the.
State flags back then were so sick.
At Gettysburg,
you can see all the,
like,
the battle flags they had.
South had some good ones.
Did they?
North typically stuck with the fucking American flag,
but every,
you know,
your state,
it was all state pride.
It was fucking cool.
They all had fucking slogans.
They would talk shit.
It was fucking awesome.
It's so cool.
Yeah,
they were basically Europe.
And they had reputations.
It's a bunch of countries.
1894.
Wow.
Took it down in 2020.
I think they were doing all the rest of Confederate monument stuff.
That probably got only 20.
That's so crazy.
They were like,
also,
Mississippi,
boys,
what are you doing?
That's so crazy.
Imagine if somebody still had a swastika in their flag,
and they were just rocking that.
What?
Right?
Come on.
Come on.
It's fucking,
come on.
It's just a part of it.
It's historical.
It's German.
We're German.
Part of our thing.
Yeah,
they had good ones.
And you would like that.
Each group had,
like,
they had reputations.
Like,
I think it was the Iron Brigade.
It was like these Midwest freaks.
So they were all like,
German and Norwegian.
They were all fucking huge.
Right.
And like,
they wore big,
tall black hats
to make them even taller.
And like,
the Confederate generals
would see those black hats
and be like,
fuck,
get out of there.
I don't know if that,
well,
whatever.
They ruled.
It's fun.
There was the Louisiana,
Louisiana Tigers,
they would fucking get you.
They were a bunch of freaks.
Imagine like,
dressing up.
Like,
look at that photo.
Pull that photo up again
that you showed,
the earlier one.
The one where they're all like,
standing there with their suits on.
Imagine getting dressed up
real nice
to go kill people.
Look at that.
That's so weird.
No,
I like it.
I'd rather get killed by a guy
fucking dressed up.
Click on the one
in the upper right corner,
the left hand thumbnails.
Upper right.
Yeah,
right there.
Look at that,
dude.
That's a good guy.
He could shoot me.
But just imagine.
Like,
this is how you're getting
dressed up to go to war.
It's so weird looking.
This is a goofy hat.
Full on post photo
with like a fake background
like you take at school.
Good point.
Show them the,
Good point.
You could do that
with like Marines,
right?
In military dress,
right?
No,
they would wear that.
No,
they didn't have,
show them the zoaves.
What's a zoave?
You're going to like
their outfits.
Yeah?
They're little gay boy outfits
that are fucking people up.
Z-O-U-V-E-S,
I think.
Yeah,
it's good.
Oh,
boy.
Swag,
dude.
Whoa.
Where were they?
MC Hammer pants.
Where did they live?
They were in the north.
They were breaking,
uh,
New York?
No.
Really?
Yeah.
Hold this thought.
I have to pee.
I'm with you.
We'll be right back.
So,
who are these,
uh,
African fellows?
They're from Africa?
No,
they,
they swagger jacked
the French,
North African.
Oh,
so the other guys
were where though?
Mm-hmm.
That swagger jacked,
where were they?
I think,
I think,
uh,
New York.
I think,
I think the Irish Brigade
might have tried it.
Could be wrong.
Bro,
when I first saw gangs
in New York,
I was like,
wait,
this happened too?
Yeah.
What?
So these are the guys?
Yeah,
it's good,
good swag.
And where did they live,
though?
Uh,
I think if you look up
Zouave's American Civil War.
So these guys fought
in the Civil War
dressed like that?
Yeah.
Wow.
Imagine,
you're hanging out
with a bunch of dudes
and everyone's dressing like,
Bro,
that was the drip.
That was the coolest group
of these guys.
What's with the hats?
That's a crazy look.
So how many of those
were from the area
where this is?
Chicago from the first one.
Huh.
He formed the first
American company
inspired by North African
light infantry
known as the Zouaves
that had won distinction
in both Algeria
and Crimea.
Bro,
that part of the world.
That's one of the things
about like when
Russian fighters
fight in the UFC.
I always have to like,
I got my little calculations
like this guy,
he moves real good.
He did.
I'm like,
he's from where?
Oh.
He's from Chechnya?
Well,
he's going to win.
Well,
he's probably going to
fuck this guy up.
Check out what the
description is here.
A fellow who can pull up
a 110 pound dumbbell
who can climb up
an 80 foot rope
hand over hand
with a barrel flower
hanging to his heels,
hanging to his heels.
I don't know what that means.
Who can jump 17 feet,
four inches high
without a springboard.
17 feet high.
That's cool.
Who can...
They must have been crazy.
Who can tie his legs
in a double bow knot
round his neck
without previously
softening his shin bones
in a steam bath.
What?
Who can take
a five shooting revolver
in each hand
and knock the spots
off the 10 of diamonds
at 80 paces,
turning somersaults
all the time
and firing every shot
in the air.
That's a suave.
All right.
Whose quote is this?
That's a silly quote.
Suave.
That's a drunk suave.
So wrote a Western...
Tony Hingrich.
He was gay for the suaves.
Yeah,
I'll tell you what
they could do.
This guy.
This guy's doing
backflips
and shooting cards.
Yeah,
it's supposed to be
an exaggeration.
Of course.
Of course.
You can't jump
fucking 20 feet.
Nobody can do that.
At first,
I was with you, though.
He said he shot
the spades
at 80 yards.
What did he say?
80 paces?
Yeah,
it says Americans
were going nuts
over the new
kind of fighting force.
80 paces
is kind of crazy.
How far is 80 paces?
What does that mean
when they say 80 paces?
I got it right.
New York,
I feel good about that.
So it's just like
if you're just
a full step?
I guess.
But it's everybody's
step is longer
or shorter.
True.
So what is it like
shooting a card
with a fucking musket
at 80 yards?
You know how retarded
that is?
If you're doing a draw
or a duel
against a short guy,
you're fucked, dude.
Who's going to hit
10 paces real quick?
You get shot in the back.
I think everybody
has a count.
It's ready.
Aim, fire.
10 paces.
This is the first guy.
It also says
he was the first
union officer
to die in combat.
He's a dork.
He's a dork.
He was trying
to wear cool clothes
and got shot.
Yeah,
my first thought
is how would a law student
in Chicago
have read about
these guys fighting
in Africa?
It was a dork.
Read a newspaper article?
Yeah.
He probably was way
too into looking good
and not really thinking
about the war part of it.
It's just, you know?
And then all of a sudden
first manassas
comes around.
There you go.
We're going to whip them.
Watch out.
They have guns too.
Yeah.
There's some good
last quotes
from Gettysburg.
They're from just
the Civil War.
They're hilarious
because it's guys
talking like that.
I just remember one
from Gettysburg
where a guy's
last quote was like,
what are you guys
ducking for?
They couldn't hit
an elephant from
that distance
and get shot in the head.
Who said that to him?
He said it.
He said that to
like a transcriber?
All of his boys
were ducking
and hiding behind rocks
and he was like,
come on,
what are you guys
pussies?
They couldn't hit
an elephant
from this distance.
Oh,
popped.
You popped in the head.
Tough last one.
Yeah.
You want your last words
to be cool.
How accurate
were those rifles even?
Like the rifles
that they used,
so they used
those little ball
muskets, right?
they started getting
rifling.
They started getting
rifling?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Real bullets?
So Gettysburg was 63,
so by then
they were definitely
technology.
Right,
because the Comanche,
when they were
fighting the Comanche,
they had already
introduced the Colt.
I think in like
1850?
When did Colt
invent the revolver?
Oh, here it goes.
I feel like officers
had revolvers.
What year is this?
So 1861,
it says model 1861,
that's a rifled musket.
1855,
that's another
rifled musket.
It says rifle.
Okay,
it doesn't say
rifled musket,
it says rifle,
but it has a flint lock.
Like the whole thing,
it looks the same.
But then Navy,
Colt Navy revolver,
it doesn't say what year?
Oh,
it says weapons
of the Civil War.
So they had revolvers.
At least,
yeah,
at least the officers did
and then the cavalry
had those carbines.
And yeah,
scroll back up again
to that image.
The one that you just showed?
It's a little better.
Oh, okay.
So those bottom ones,
they look like actual rifles.
That looks like
a long pistol,
right?
So I bet they had a bullet.
Right,
those aren't muskets,
right?
Top,
this mini ball thing.
Mm-hmm.
Mm.
Interesting.
But they definitely had,
like...
It seems like they had pistols.
The South definitely had
some guys with some muskets
coming out.
So what year did Colt
invent the pistol?
Because I think
they started using them,
the Texas Rangers
started using them first
before the military
even used them.
That was the story
in Empire of the Summer Moon,
right?
Which is crazy
that someone wouldn't
want to buy something
that can shoot five rounds.
36, damn.
Wow, 1836.
The revolver.
1831.
Wow.
That was 36.
He invented the first
practical revolver in 1831
and received a U.S. patent
for the revolving cylinder design
on February 25, 1836.
So in 1831,
this motherfucker invented it.
1836,
he gets the patent
and nobody wanted it.
They were like,
we don't want it.
We don't want to pay
for your fucking crazy revolver.
Oh, you can stab with that.
I'm an old school musket guy.
I want to take 10 minutes
at each shot.
These guys that are like
old school in everything.
There's going to be
always guys that are
old school musket guys.
Look at that thing.
Wow.
What is that little thing
on the side?
Is that the gunpowder?
That doesn't make sense.
Like, how did that work?
They do that.
Like, when did they invent bullets?
They might have had to put,
I think they had to make
their own bullets.
Oh my God,
they had to make
their own bullets.
That's crazy.
Maybe.
Of course.
Yeah, right?
Yeah.
If you ran out.
So you probably have
the cartridges,
you pack all your bullshit
in there,
and you got your little
fake top.
I bet they sucked.
I bet they,
half the time,
they didn't go off right.
Yeah, they probably had
the gun before they
had the ammo invented,
right?
Maybe.
Yeah, probably.
Yeah, because,
right, how would you,
you would have,
I bet the first one,
they had handmade ammo.
When did they start
mass producing ammo
where you could just
go buy ammo?
I think that would be
like World War I.
No.
Well, slightly.
I've actually just
read about this.
I mean, a little bit
before.
In the American Civil War,
they would have
mass produced ammo.
Some, but we didn't
have giant factories
back then,
so they started
converting factories
to do stuff.
Wow.
And then big war
comes and you may
start making money
off of it.
So that's a problem
that like manufacturing
goes big up
when there's a nice
fat war.
People get real
excited, a lot of jobs.
It's like,
don't get addicted
to that.
Well, maybe we did.
Oh, we definitely did.
Imagine like growing
up in the 50s,
the kind of patriotism
people must have had
after winning
World War II.
You'd feel so,
dude, that'd be so sick.
Wouldn't be incredible.
It'd be awesome.
It must have been amazing.
We were fucking
Americans.
We saved the world.
That was the narrative.
And then Vietnam.
Fucked it all up.
And people couldn't
believe it.
I thought we were
the good guys.
We went to the good wars.
Just makes you wonder
how many times
have we been tricked?
Like, how many times
have people been tricked?
Don't get into that.
A lot.
Don't get into
that thought process.
I love getting into that
thought process.
You're going to go,
wait a second.
What's that, Jamie?
Celebrations of Victory Day.
Yeah, look at all these people
holding up signs
that say peace.
Everybody's so happy.
They know they're going
to get to live.
You only get that happy
when you think
you were going to die.
If there was no war
and these people just said,
let's have a celebration
for being an American day.
There's a black guy
dead center.
That's nice.
How do you get everybody
to look at the camera?
What the fuck?
Is that one black dude
dead center?
Some guy had a bullhorn.
I guess.
Everyone, please look.
Yeah, for sure.
There's definitely one camera.
We're going to take a...
That might be AI.
Seems like there's
too many people.
Yeah, I believe that picture.
That's AI.
It's like Times Square
and everyone's just
looking for some one guy.
It looks good.
That's a Pink Floyd album.
I guess if you see one camera
it wants to be in the picture.
Yeah, what is that?
Come on, son.
What the fuck is that?
There were like four cameras.
They were probably like,
holy shit, a camera's here.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
Everybody look up here.
Yeah.
And back then
everyone was taking orders.
Also, it might be AI.
No, those are real.
I believe those.
It might be a simulation.
Can you imagine being there though?
What a party.
I bet everybody just fucked everybody.
It's probably the best party ever.
They probably went crazy
for like days
just drinking
and getting your fuck on.
Then that hangover hits
and you go,
fuck.
Back to the bar.
I got to go to work.
Back to the bar.
Fuck.
Crazy.
Yeah, fuck all that PTSD
those guys just got.
You know?
True.
Coming home,
drinking a couple beers.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Liberating a camp,
seeing all that.
Trench warfare.
Yeah, World War I trenches.
How about that?
Bummer.
How about what those people
come back from?
Watching their buddies
getting eaten by wolves.
Over in,
for some reason,
you're in Europe.
Yeah.
For some reason.
We're fighting Germany?
Why?
So you got flown in
for some reason?
In World War I,
why?
Yeah.
For the record.
Well,
the craziest thing
in World War I,
it was a lot of crazy things,
but the Fritz Haber story.
What's that?
Fritz Haber is the guy
that invented Zyklon B,
right?
Oh.
So he invented Zyklon A.
He was the first inventor of it,
but he invented it
as a pesticide
and it had a very distinct odor.
And then Zyklon B,
they removed that odor.
He also invented gas.
He invented,
he invented a bunch of shit.
One of the things he invented
is a way to get nitrogen
out of the atmosphere.
It's called the Haber method.
And to this day,
like 50% of the nitrogen
in people's bodies
in a lot of places in the world
is through the Haber method.
So that,
that revolutionized fertilizer.
So you can get nitrogen
from the air.
He figured this out.
At the same time,
he was using gas
to bounce,
to fucking kill the Allied troops
with giant fans.
So at the same time,
he was up for a Nobel Prize.
He was also wanted
for war crimes.
And he was Jewish.
So eventually,
The guy who invented
Cyclone B was Jewish?
Yes.
And eventually,
he had a flea.
Talk about your all-time backfires.
They kept him around
for a while.
They tried
because he was so valuable
because he came up
with the gas.
And then eventually,
he had a flea.
They didn't kill him,
but they let him flee the country
and he died on the road.
He died in transit.
He had a bad heart,
I believe.
Oh, it's a terrible story, dude.
There's worse to it.
His wife committed suicide
in front of him
and he left anyway
to go to the front lines
and he left
his 13-year-old son
with her
as she was dying.
Yeah.
She shot herself
in front of him.
And he was like,
fuck it,
I'm going to...
I'm going to the front line.
He was probably
going to kill himself.
It's a crazy story.
Damn.
Crazy story.
It's a good movie.
Yeah, but imagine
like you've invented
this thing
that unquestionably
helped so many human beings.
You figured out
how to get nitrogen
from the atmosphere
and you could use it
as industrial fertilizer.
How much food was grown?
How many people were fed?
How many starving people
were prevented
because of this guy's method?
Yeah, at the same time,
he figured out
you could just gas people,
just send poison
through the air
and everybody downwind,
dead.
Men, women,
children,
medical workers,
dogs,
cats,
pigs,
fuck you.
It's a cloud of poison
with giant fans.
Just blowing poison
towards you.
Fuck.
But I mean,
you know,
why is it better
to shoot people?
Why is it better
what we did
in Hiroshima?
No, it's way better.
The gas?
No.
Shooting people?
Yes.
Do you hear their stories
of getting fucking gas?
The nicest way...
Those are the worst things
I've ever heard.
...is a big nuke.
That's the nicest.
He just goes by...
Unless you're on the
slight outskirts.
Then you're getting burned.
You know what the craziest thing
that anybody said to me
on the podcast recently?
This dude was talking...
We were talking about UFOs.
And one of the things
that he said
was that
one of the ways
that they had described
one of the things
that they're working on
that they thought
was a back-engineered craft,
the way they described it
the way they described it
as a simultaneous
nuclear payload
delivery system.
Meaning that
the moment
you want it
or instantaneous.
Yeah.
Instantaneous.
Instantaneously.
Like, it literally
shows up
wherever you want it to be
and delivers
the nuclear bomb.
Like, there's no delay.
There's nothing.
Because it's operating
on some sort of
a gravity propulsion system
that bends space
around it
and rockets it
towards whatever
that point in time
or point on the map
you want it to be
instantaneously.
Imagine if the fucking...
This is the reason
why the aliens
haven't landed.
It's because
we gave...
They came here.
They dropped off
some UFOs.
They said,
Hey, guys,
figure this out.
This is how we travel.
And we said,
Wouldn't it be cool
to just nuke people
instantly?
Instantly.
We could put a gun
on this thing.
And that's how
they described it.
Instantaneous
nuclear payload
delivery system.
And I was like,
that might be
the most terrifying
thing that any...
Because what kind
of fucking sociopaths
are in control
of the UFO program
if the first thing
they do with it
is figure out
how to make a nuke
go instantly
anywhere you want
in the world?
What year did all
the UFO shit start?
It all started
after the bombs.
Roswell?
When was Roswell?
47.
That's straight
to fucking put a nuke
on this thing.
That's all they were
thinking about.
That's all they're
thinking about.
That's the only thing
they're thinking about.
The moment we can
figure this out,
we're putting a
fucking nuke on it.
We can kill everybody?
Yeah, they just
had to drop them
out of propeller planes
two years ago.
Think of that.
So they go from
dropping it out
of a fucking
giant propeller plane
to two years later,
supposedly this thing
crashes and they're
back engineering it
and like really
quickly inventing
the transistor,
weird scientific
provenance to it.
and then the other
weird thing
was fiber optics.
There's a lot
of weird stuff
after Roswell.
A lot of weird
inventions.
I will say though,
Devil's Advocate
is 47, 48.
That's like
the whole country
is inventing things
for war.
Oh yeah.
For war.
Yeah.
So we're inventing,
we're trying our hardest
to invent this shit.
Oh, 100%.
There's just a weird
story behind the
transistor.
What's that?
Yeah, well you
can find it, Jamie.
We brought it up
the other day.
It is odd
when you read it
because it's
I don't know
how that shit works.
The way to create it,
it's such a crazy
invention,
the way to create it
and then there's
like this dispute
between the guy
who was given credit
for inventing it
and these other guys
that were scientists
and they're like,
that guy's a fucking
bozo.
Like there's no one,
why did he get
the credit for that?
And then more likely
it was something
that they got
from somewhere.
It's like there's
a weird leap
between what they
were thinking of doing
and what this is.
I'm butchering it
until we get the quote.
I bet back then
you could just,
if somebody was a scientist
and invented something
you could go.
Yeah, well they just did it.
I can't believe I invented it.
That guy at MIT.
Wow.
Bro, that's terrifying.
That's terrifying.
It's the same guy
as the Brown shooting.
Is it?
Is that what they're saying?
How convenient.
Is he dead already?
How convenient.
How convenient.
I could be wrong on that.
Jamie, I know
you're looking at
multiple things.
Is that really true?
But didn't they say
the Portuguese guy
who was a physicist
who did the Brown shooting?
The guy who did
the Brown shooting
was a physicist.
Yes.
They know this for sure.
I think so.
Again, this is coming out
a week later.
They think this same guy.
Yeah.
What?
Okay.
Brown University shooting
live update.
Suspect in Brown
and MIT shootings
found dead
as motive remains unclear.
Holy.
Suspect had 200 rounds
laser sights.
Okay.
So this is the suspect
in the Brown University shooting
and the MI2 shooting.
So he's the suspect
in both shootings.
48-year-old Portuguese national.
So he goes there
and he shoots this guy
that's a fusion scientist
that's working on crazy shit
and is talking about
see if you can find the thing
where he was talking about
we played it, right?
Where he was talking about
the poles
the electromagnetic poles
the north and south pole
that they have to switch
and if they don't switch
we lose our
electromagnetic sphere
that's protecting us.
I don't believe it.
Magnetosphere.
I don't believe it.
You don't believe it?
No.
No?
Too crazy?
Yeah.
There's no way, dude.
But if this guy
I'm focused on college football.
I get it.
I don't
I have no
They killed this guy though.
I have no use
for electromagnetic spheres.
But if this guy invented
some
or was on to
some technology
that could revolutionize power
if he really did find
like cold fusion
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Those guys get killed.
That's
I mean
when you assume
when a super brain
brainiac nerd dude
gets killed
Yeah.
and he's involved
in some fusion project
Absolutely.
And then 24 hours later
Trump
True Social
like merges
with a fusion
power company
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Did that happen?
Yeah.
Oh.
Jesus Christ.
Are you serious?
Yes.
Yeah, pull that story up.
I'm thinking about
college football playoffs.
I know.
I don't give a fuck.
I'm thinking about
Jake Paul and Anthony Joshua.
That'll be fun.
There it goes.
True Social parent
to merge with
nuclear fusion firm
in $6 billion deal.
By the way
it could be totally unrelated.
What a coincidence.
Or
Trump Media and Technology Group
the social media
and crypto company
part owned
by President Trump
said it would help
develop a utility scale
fusion power plant.
I wish that
you know what
that Portuguese fellow
should have done
is waited till
he should have got
if he was a real
Portuguese man
he would have waited
to see Cristiano Ronaldo
one more time.
He should have waited
till after the summer
to shoot this fucking
here's a stupid
here's a very stupid
question but a valid one.
What's the difference
between fusion and fission?
Do we currently use
fission correct?
Is that what they do?
Is fusion what we don't use?
Which is which?
That's not a stupid question.
That's an insanely smart question.
Because cold fusion
is the holy grail.
Nuclear fission
and fusion
are two distinct
nuclear processes
that release energy
by altering atomic nuclei
but they operate
in opposite ways.
Fission splits heavy atoms
like uranium
while fusion
combines light atoms
like hydrogen isotopes.
Oh okay.
So is a hydrogen bomb
a fusion bomb?
Put that in there.
J-Mo bring up
TJ Duckett highlights.
Just find out please.
Is a hydrogen bomb
a fusion bomb?
I think it's fission.
It's fission?
Hydrogen bomb?
But it says
it combines light atoms
like hydrogen isotopes
and fusion.
Different process.
Okay.
So cold fusion
is something
that they're all
searching for.
Oh the fuel is uranium
and plutonium.
The key difference is
Here we go.
Fusion.
Yeah.
So it is.
Fission is the trigger.
Oh it uses
how weird.
It's known as
a thermonuclear bomb
primarily relies
on nuclear fusion
for its immense
destructive power
but it uses
nuclear fission
as the initial trigger.
Okay.
So fission
is the trigger.
Yeah I think
that's what the whole movie
they're figuring out
in that Oppenheimer movie
like the uranium splitting
and once they figured
one out
then they
you know
that's what I got
out of it.
Bro and the bombs
they make now
make these
the ones
they made back then
look like little
baby bombs.
Yeah.
Zar Bomba?
There you go.
Atomic bomb
is fission only.
Oh.
Hydrogen
is thermonuclear.
So I think
it's megatons
versus kilotons.
This is good.
I'm going to correct
someone when the bomb
goes off.
We're getting nukes
I'm going to go
actually.
Hold on.
That looks like
fission to me.
Are you going to try
to whack one off
if the bomb's coming?
You have 30 seconds.
I didn't think I was
that type of guy
but based on
fucking my experience
with Ken Burns
I might be that guy.
I don't think
I've never been scared
of him.
There's no sin
in that.
You're going to go
you're going to go.
There's no sin in that.
It is what it is.
I think that's a sin.
Yeah.
You don't want to sin
right at the end.
I don't believe it.
Right at the buzzer?
I don't believe it.
There's a bunch of sins
I think people made up.
Jacking off?
How about wearing
two different types
of cloth?
Well I would never.
You're not supposed to.
That's crazy.
That's crazy.
You sin if you do that.
If you want to go
old school
you're sinning
if you do that.
We all know
there's a difference.
You have a conscience.
Right.
You know.
The jack off conscience?
You know what a sin is.
Right.
Depends what you
jacked off to.
This is the current
website to get
into the Epstein files.
You're now in line.
I'm in the queue.
Oh wow.
Your estimated wait time
is one minute.
Oh.
Is it moving?
Oh less than a minute.
Wait we're going to get
into the Epstein files.
Look we're about to get in.
This is a lot.
They just put them out like an hour ago.
Less than a minute.
We're at 96%
getting into the Epstein files.
What do you think
is going to pop up first?
Oh it's your turn.
Holy shit.
Oh we're going to see some shit.
You are now being redirected
to the website.
Nothing happened.
Immediately a virus
gets uploaded to your computer.
Nothing happened.
They get a FaceTime video
of every jerking off session
you're going to have
from now to the rest of your life.
It'll all be in a database.
All right.
First thing that starts off
with a privacy notice.
Okay.
Okay.
Type to search.
Court records.
We're never finding shit.
What do you think
is going to come out?
So this is all happening live.
It just happened an hour ago.
What do you think
is going to come out of all this?
I don't know.
Type in Donald Trump
and search.
We're going to find out
real quick what's...
No results found.
Crazy.
Please try a different search.
Bill Clinton.
The greatest president.
Bill Clinton.
Saved America.
48,000 results.
Yeah.
Here we go.
No results found.
Oh.
Interesting.
Interesting.
Bill Gates.
No results found.
Crazy.
I guess everybody's innocent.
Turns out everyone's innocent.
He was a lone horniman.
Bro.
I mean,
you saw the search.
It's over.
Okay?
Case closed.
Guys,
can we stop talking about Epstein?
Get over it.
Handwritten text portions
of these documents
may not be electronically searchable
or produce unreliable search results,
so you've got to dig yourself.
Yeah,
we're just going to have to wait.
You've got to dig.
We're going to have to wait
a few days.
You've got to wait for the super nerds
to get in there.
Get in there and go to work.
The guys not watching Alabama,
Oklahoma,
or Jake Paul,
Anthony Joshua.
It's going to be incredible.
What do you think is going to happen?
I think if Joshua tries his hardest,
just a jab will win.
A jab is going to win the fight.
He's going to...
It's going to be...
Just jab the shit out of him.
He's so much taller and bigger.
And he's better at boxing.
It's just crazy that he wanted to do it.
That Jake Paul wanted to fight
Anthony Joshua.
I wonder how much Jake got.
Oh,
he must be getting
an extraordinary amount of money
for this.
Because everyone's going to watch.
Yeah.
Whether you're a,
you know,
a know-it-all boxing expert
type fake guy like me
or someone else.
No,
you know you're boxing.
I know a little.
Those guys are real boxing experts.
But at the point is,
everyone's going to watch it.
Even the casuals,
everyone's going to watch it.
I'm going to watch it.
Because it's nuts.
It's a nutty idea.
Yeah.
Like,
Gervonta Davis is not the best idea.
Gervonta is small.
He fights at 135.
That's crazy.
You can't be bigger than the guy.
But when the guy's way bigger than you,
now I'm interested.
Like,
I don't know how big Jake is.
He's big.
He's,
he weighed 216
and he's solid as a rock.
And Gervonta fights 135.
That's way bigger.
Yeah.
That's way bigger.
Yeah.
There's a lot of,
like,
you can only,
skill is awesome.
But it only goes so far
when someone's that huge.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah,
just like,
I would get the shit out of you.
Gervonta probably could fuck him up
because he's really fucking good.
I heard that.
There's him knocking down and gone.
That's what happened.
That would,
that's me and you.
Look at this.
Watch this right now.
I'm Joshua.
Yeah,
that's you.
Dude.
You do not want to get popped by this guy.
He's so big.
And he's been knocking people out forever, man.
Wouldn't you think any top heavyweight
would knock out Jake Paul?
Well,
there's guys he said,
like,
openly,
he doesn't want to fight.
Like,
he doesn't want to fight David Benavidez.
He's like,
fuck that.
Yeah.
I don't want to fight that guy.
But he thinks Joshua is,
I don't get it,
man.
Benavidez is fucking terrifying.
Make no mistake about it.
What about Ruiz?
You could have got,
you could have got Ruiz out there.
Which one?
Isn't that,
isn't that the chubby guy?
Oh,
Andy.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah,
yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
Um.
Could have got him out.
But he might not have taken it easy.
I think there's,
yeah,
Andy Ruiz is dangerous.
I'm trying to find a guy
who's going to take it easy.
You think Joshua's going to take it easy?
Well,
that's what I was saying about the speech he gave.
I don't,
I don't know.
That seems like a wild card.
That was a crazy speech.
It seems like a guy who's up to do whatever.
I can't believe that I never saw that until you brought it up.
I think I kept watching it.
No,
no,
don't make it.
It got,
it got,
it did some hip hip hoorays.
It got weird,
dude.
I was watching it because I,
I like Anthony Joshua and I was watching it going,
this is fucking crazy.
Well,
when a dude outboxes you like that,
he's a smaller guy and he outboxes you two fights in a row.
Like it really batters you a little bit,
at least in one of them.
There were some moments in like the last round where he was just getting
boxed up,
man.
Usyk's so good.
He's so slick.
That guy's 38.
Post fight though.
I'll give anyone,
you can say anything.
Like I remember when,
like remember when McGregor broke his leg.
Yeah.
And everyone was like,
I can't believe he's saying all this.
It's like,
dude.
Right.
He was in a fight 20 seconds ago.
Yeah.
He's going to be saying crazy shit.
And his leg's broken.
And he just,
he's in terrible pain.
Yeah.
Like,
I don't know.
Post fight interview is like,
they're going to say wild shit.
They're just in a fight.
Yeah.
If there's ever a time
where someone should have pulled out of a fight,
it's that one.
Oh,
his leg was,
his leg was fucked up before that fight.
They knew it.
They had done MRIs on it and shit.
They didn't know what it was.
You know,
it was probably like a deep bone bruise,
but then the next impact on it snapped it.
Maybe he had a hairline fracture or something.
It wasn't just a check.
It was compromised.
It wasn't much,
man.
It wasn't much.
It wasn't much.
Would you consider all the times that it's weird because sometimes it doesn't
take much.
It's just,
it hits the kneecap the right way or the,
the,
the shin at the high spot.
Yeah.
Like the top of the shin up here.
It's so hard to break.
And you,
the flexible part of your shin will just snap on it.
But that one didn't kind of look like that.
It looked,
and then when I heard afterwards that it was already compromised going into
that fight,
I'm like,
Oh man,
that's a bad idea.
But you think you could do anything when you're Conor McGregor,
you know,
like fuck this guy.
He beat me the first fight,
but I'm going to fuck him up.
That is fight being Conor McGregor is literally being on cocaine.
Yeah.
Whether you're on it or not.
Bro.
He had the wildest press conferences back when he was fighting.
Jose Aldo.
That must've been so fun to be at those.
They were crazy.
How fun was that?
I didn't go to press conferences.
I watched them.
Oh really?
How about the weigh-ins though?
That must've been.
The weigh-ins were wild.
The whole crowd's Irish.
The weigh-ins were crazy.
Yeah.
Well,
the weigh-ins were crazy also because that's a day,
that's when they used to have to really weigh in.
Yeah.
So they had to get on the scale in front of everybody.
Yeah.
Now they have ceremonial weigh-ins.
So now you weigh in and then you rehydrate and then you get on the scale and I
say,
official weight is 145.
Yeah.
Everybody cheers.
So when Conor is standing there facing off,
with Jose Aldo,
he looks like a skeleton.
A skeleton, bro.
He looked.
Yeah.
See if you can find that.
He looked.
He looked.
It was crazy.
So let's see him get on the scale.
That's Jose Aldo.
So Conor would get on first.
Conor got on first.
Look at him.
Bro,
look how sunken in he is.
I mean,
he must be feeling like utter dog shit.
Yeah.
How do you not faint?
Fainting a kick.
Look,
I have to like get between everybody.
I don't think Jose really looks scary.
I don't think Jose really looks scary.
It is Conor McGregor.
Once again,
the Irish fans have come out
for the biggest UFC featherweight title fight ever.
Give us your thoughts on tomorrow night
and Jose Aldo as an opponent.
I'm sick of talking about Jose.
I visualize and I look at his facial features
and I know that the soft parts of his face
won't be able to take my shots.
I just want to thank the Irish people
for coming out here for me.
It means everything.
Tomorrow night,
I will bring that goal home for Ireland once again.
Conor McGregor,
ladies and gentlemen.
Bro,
that was back when he was fighting 145.
That boy was big at 145.
Chugging electrolytes.
Let me see what they look like.
Jose Aldo was big at 45 too, man.
Jose Aldo was one of the greatest 145 pounders ever.
Bro,
not to be a psycho.
I didn't know Charlie Kirk was...
Holy shit.
Bro.
That's Derek.
It's not.
He speaks Portuguese.
Trust me.
It's not Charlie Kirk.
Son of a bitch.
Hold on.
No,
no,
no.
I'm not making light of anything.
If you meet him.
That looks exactly like Charlie Kirk.
If you meet him,
he does it.
All right.
It's just the angle.
Bro.
Yeah,
hold on.
Joe.
It's just the angle,
I'm telling you.
No,
you're into something.
What is going on here?
Crisis actors.
You ever see those people
that get like super obsessed
with crisis actors?
Well,
hold on.
That's another thing.
That's a good point.
Now,
look at where he looks the next day.
He's all filled in.
His eyes,
his face.
Oh,
it's completely filled in.
I wonder if back then
you were allowed
to use
IVs
because you weighed in
the same day.
I mean,
excuse me,
you weighed in
on the scale,
not the same day,
the day before.
The first time I've ever said
he slept him ever
in a fight.
It just came out.
Yeah.
Because it was like,
that's what he did.
He just slept him.
That was crazy.
And the fact that he did it
after like months and months
and months of taunting
and shit talking
and...
Worst case.
Woo!
For Aldo.
Worst case.
Yeah.
God,
that blows.
It blows.
Yeah.
And it was,
yeah,
just a quick...
Oh,
that sucks.
But you ever see Aldo
in his prime?
Yeah.
Aldo,
when he was in the WEC...
Didn't see that.
Bro.
Aldo won't use...
This is the first time
in years
Aldo won't use IVs
to rehydrate.
I think the band
had just started.
Oh!
That's crazy.
That was when it happened?
Six months before that
is when it started.
Oh!
Well,
so Aldo always
got big
at 145
and there was been a few...
There was a few weigh-ins
where he got real big
where he had a really hard time
making 145
and then he started
fighting at 135
and he just got like
a real good guy,
like a specialist
to help him
with the weight cut
and he made it pretty easy.
Nutritionist,
got everything dialed in.
Just makes you think
like if that guy
I was at 35
the whole time.
He was fucking
everybody up at 45,
you know?
About everybody
remembers him
for that fight.
Yeah.
That's a problem.
That's a tough one.
He was so good, dude.
Isn't he...
Wasn't he still fighting?
He just retired.
Yeah.
Yeah, just retired.
Like this year.
Yeah.
I think he got a bad...
Like a very close decision
didn't go his way.
Yeah.
And he retired.
That's right.
Zahabi.
I watched it, yeah.
Yeah.
He kept going.
Well, he tried
to take that dude out
and he survived.
Zahabi survived
and he just emptied
the gas tank
trying to take him out
and then Zahabi
was on top
in the end of the fight.
Who do you like now?
Who's a young guy?
Because you told me
about Jack Della Maddalena
a while ago.
Who's a...
Otiba Gautier.
This guy from Cameroon.
Really?
Oh!
He's fucking terrifying.
Did he fight last...
He's 185 pounds,
6'4",
built like a Greek god,
smokes everybody.
Everybody just gets smoked.
Did he fight last week?
No.
He didn't fight last week.
But I'm not sure
when he's fighting again.
But see if you can find
his highlight reel
of his KOs.
Bro.
What's his name again?
Otiba Gautier.
I hope I'm saying it right.
I could have never spelled that.
Yeah.
When you have to say it
in a weigh-in.
But this guy...
No, I've seen you.
I've seen you fucking
write them out.
I fuck it up.
Yeah, I fuck it up all the time.
There's too many guys.
I can't remember all of them.
But this guy,
just his style,
however I mispronounce his name
or get it right,
his fucking...
He's terrifying.
What the fuck is that guy?
Bro.
He's 185.
And the guy on the left,
Sean Strickland,
used to be
the 85-pound champion.
And still one of the best
85-pounders in the world.
The silent assassin.
Just see if you can find
a highlight reel.
Dang it.
We got some action
of this dude
just fucking people up.
Megan O'Leary.
So you back it up a little
so you can see.
Just fucking people up, dude.
Terrifying power.
Super speed.
Excellent technique.
Everything.
Yeah.
Guy's got a bunch of cats.
I like that.
I was in a house with cats.
That's a psycho.
Yeah.
He likes to go visit cats.
That's a psycho.
Yeah.
Bro, he's good, man.
He's good.
Super fucking strong, too.
Very, you know,
like, very big
for the weight class.
And awesome striking technique, man.
How old is he?
Young.
Oh, bro.
He fought this dude
and that guy was
so fucking tough.
Yeah, he loved it.
And that guy just
kept waving him in.
Yeah, yeah, right.
It was, I mean,
most humans
would have been gone
before that.
This guy hung in there
as long as he could.
Still kicking.
Still trying to get him off him.
Yeah.
But that dude,
he's,
that guy's the future.
I feel like those,
he's the future.
I feel like the jacked Africans
eventually run into
a nasty,
dirty white guy.
They could run into
a Russian.
Miocic.
No, like,
Ngannou Miocic
is just a guy
that's like
a firefighter
from Cleveland.
Oh, he's 23?
The thing you have to recognize
about Francis Ngannou,
though,
Francis Ngannou,
when he fought Miocic
for the world title,
had only been doing MMA
for like four years.
Yeah.
Like,
when they had a rematch
a couple years later,
Francis was
a different human being.
Yeah, yeah.
And he fucked him up.
And he was real patient.
But that first fight,
first fight was crazy.
That was just a guy surviving.
Yeah.
Just going,
he's going to get tired.
Yeah.
It was awesome.
It was awesome.
It was like probably
one of Stipe's
most impressive victories
because Francis was like
flatlining everybody.
And he also took
a lot of shots
in that fight.
He did.
He ate a lot of big shots.
I was cheering for the white.
Were you?
Yeah.
If you don't know the sport,
you go,
I'm cheering for the fucking
shitty looking white guy.
I hope he wins.
Who's he fighting?
The most jacked black dude
of all time?
Literally.
Yeah.
He's a guy who has to cut weight
to make 265 natural.
Fan of the Mexicans too.
I like to see a Mexican
get in there.
Oh, bro.
That guy that was just
taunting that guy.
That's hilarious.
They got a spirit for fighting.
I'll tell you that.
There's like a Mexican
fighting spirit.
There's been so many
Mexican combat sports champions.
Like, think about
how many boxers
that are like world champions
that were Mexican.
The number's nuts.
Julio Cesar, Chavez,
Canelo, Salvador Sanchez.
You can go down the line
forever and ever and ever.
There's so many
Mexican champions.
They're like Jews
in Nobel Peace Prize.
They got their thing, bro.
Ah, it's so true.
Oh, this is what
I was going to say earlier
about the crisis actors.
It's the same thing
as like when they go
that's a crisis actor.
Right.
It's like, no,
he just went through
the most insane,
it's like interviewing
a fighter after a fight.
He's going to be weird.
Right.
Like, you don't know
how you would react.
Yeah, you have no idea.
You go, this is
a fucking crisis actor.
It's like, dude,
he just went through
something he didn't
know was happening.
Definitely.
And all of a sudden
it's the worst thing ever.
But also,
don't you think
crisis actors are real?
Like, if you were
going to pull off
a major propaganda event
and you could hire
someone to pretend
that something happened
and give a narrative
and get that guy
on camera right away.
How many actors
do you know?
A lot, right?
Yeah, I know
a good amount.
How many do you think
would keep their
fucking mouth shut
about whatever
they're working on?
Zero.
But here's the thing.
You don't have
to be an actor to act.
Of course.
Right?
Kevin Durant
was really good
in, not Kevin Durant.
Kevin Durant rules.
Kevin Barnett
was really good.
Kevin Durant's
on your brain.
That's so funny.
You got fucking
Durantula on the brain?
Anyway, people have acted
that are like not actors.
Yeah, you see Tigers?
And done a great job.
Yeah, there you go.
None of us can act.
No, but wait,
crisis actors?
I genuinely don't know
if that's...
Well, I know that
MKUltra exists, right?
For sure.
So you know they do
mind control.
And you know they do
regime change things.
You know they do propaganda.
Do you think they've ever
put together like
something fake?
Yes.
I think maybe
pulling down that statue
in Iraq,
they had some fucking
brown people show up
and be like,
yeah, we like this.
I don't think,
like Sandy Hook,
a guy getting done
with Sandy Hook,
his kids just died.
And right before
he gets interviewed,
he's like smiling.
No, no, no.
No, no, of course,
that's a touching one.
But like,
people going,
that's a crisis actor.
Because he was smiling
before the interview.
It's like, dude,
he's a mental nut job.
His kid just got killed.
Who knows what happened
with that guy?
You know what I mean?
Yeah, you can't.
I think it'd be tough
to get American crisis actors.
I think it would be tough.
Yeah.
Because somebody would go,
I went to fucking middle school
with that guy.
For sure.
That's a good point.
I don't know.
Maybe I'm wrong.
No, no, it's a real good point.
I think it's easy
to get a group of Muslims
in Iraq to be like,
celebrate when we tear down
Do you remember
when Benghazi happened
and then there was this,
was it Benghazi
that was attached
to that weird video?
There was a weird video
that someone had made.
It was like
an anti-Muslim video
and they were trying
to say that it was,
the attack was in response
to this video.
I'm not sure.
Do you remember?
There was something,
it was something really kooky
and people were not buying it.
It was real weird.
There was like some sort
of like American propaganda film
about Muslims.
God, I don't remember it.
Does that,
any of this ring a bell, Jamie?
I'm trying to remember
what it would have been about.
There was like a video
that they were trying to say,
oh, they attacked us
because of this video.
And then everybody was like,
wait, what?
And then it made more people
like dig into the whole story
behind the thing.
That's not true.
And go, whoa, who's,
you guys are lying
about all kinds of shit.
No, they're lying about
all types of shit,
without a doubt.
Always.
I'm just saying,
after a school shooting
or like a thing in America,
like having fake actors.
It seems impossible.
Seems impossible to me.
It seems impossible.
Not because I don't think
they would like to do that.
Right.
It just seems like
you couldn't pull it off.
Yeah.
But they definitely use
agent provocateurs.
Without a doubt.
They definitely did
at the Capitol.
Without a doubt.
They used guys
that pretended to be
patriots.
I think it's this.
That's right.
The Innocence of Muslims.
That's the film.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The amateur film
created by
Nakula Nakula.
That's a real person?
Nakula Nakula
is a real person?
No.
That's crazy.
Yeah, right.
Couldn't even name him.
The fucking CIA
is so lazy.
Oh, there's a drawing of him.
That's him.
We don't even get him.
Nakula Nakula.
You know me.
All right, go.
All we got is a drawing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's a fucking drawing
of this guy.
Go back to that.
Wasn't it kind of like hot?
No, I remember.
The Prophet Muhammad
in a derogatory manner,
sparking widespread anger
and protests
across the Islamic world,
including Cairo
and Benghazi, Libya.
So,
the Obama administration
initially described
the attack
as a spontaneous reaction
to these protests,
a narrator
that faced
immediate criticism
from conservatives
who believed
it was a premeditated
terror attack.
Uh-huh.
The film fueled
initial anger.
Intelligence later suggested
a more organized
terror element
with attackers
having specific knowledge
of the compound
and its security.
Yeah,
that's the story.
So,
they try to blame it
on people freaking out
because of the video.
And even the whole
making of the video,
what is the controversy
behind the making
of the video?
Is there any connections
to shenanigans
with the making
of the video?
Oh.
Like intelligence agencies?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Probably.
Yeah, probably.
I wish the CIA
would talk to me.
You think?
What would they tell you?
I'm going to go,
bro, keep it up.
Good job.
We like you.
We like your vibe.
I go, dude,
I fuck with you guys.
I fucking hated JFK.
Whoa.
Is that what you'd say?
Yeah, I go, bro.
Sick job.
I think these guys
probably all like JFK.
I like JFK.
Yeah, I think you've
got to be careful
because some of those guys
didn't like the old guard.
We're different.
The CIA,
we're doing things
actually in America's interest.
What do you think
they're up to?
Who knows?
They're not up to nothing.
Tell you that.
They're doing something.
It's not like
they're just chilling.
You know?
They're definitely
up to something.
Yeah.
I'd ask Mike Baker,
but he's very coy.
He is.
Very coy with those answers.
You ever get
the CIA boys coming?
What do you mean?
Have they ever talked to you?
Him?
Him?
Yeah.
I mean,
he doesn't work
for the CIA anymore,
Shane Gillis.
He's retired now.
For sure.
He has zero connection
with him now.
But then he just goes
on the biggest platform
in the world.
Every now and again.
Yeah, I'm sure he's done.
It's interesting
hearing his perspective
because you've got to
know how they think.
We're the top brass.
What's their objectives
with all this
fucking super spy shit?
Oh, you know what?
This comes out when?
I bet we're at war
with Venezuela.
Do you think that's real?
They're going for it, right?
I thought they weren't.
I thought they decided
not to.
I hope not.
I don't think anybody's
going to really support
that at all.
No.
It would be a terrible idea,
but also those plaques.
Yeah, they don't give a fuck.
Those plaques are
a fucking terrible idea.
He obviously doesn't
give a fuck.
The tweet.
The tweet's a terrible idea.
Yeah.
I know.
Yeah, why the fuck
would we ever do that?
No.
I don't, I hope not.
Trump and top aides
refuse to rule out war
with Venezuela.
All right, that's fair.
That's fair.
I know what that article is.
Orders Venezuelan Navy
to escort oil tankers
after seizure by U.S. forces.
I understand the refuse.
They're saying refuse
to rule it out.
That just means
some reporter was there
like, will you do that?
And he was like,
shut up, quiet.
Quiet, piggy.
So it seems...
Quiet, piggy.
So it's...
Refuse to rule out
the potential for open conflict
as Nicolas Maduro
urged his Navy
to escort oil tankers
to find the largest
U.S. fleet deployed
in the region in decades.
In an interview broadcast
on Friday morning,
Donald Trump told NBC News
that going to war
with Maduro's regime
remains on the table.
I don't rule it out, no,
he said in a phone interview
with the network.
And at a year-end
press conference
at the State Department,
Marco Rubio
doubled down on remarks
by other Trump advisors
that U.S. could coerce
Maduro through its campaign
of strikes on alleged drug boats
traveling towards
the United States.
Why are we letting
Marco Rubio say shit?
I don't know.
What were we talking
about Rubio earlier?
What was it?
He was talking shit again.
What was earlier?
What was it about?
It was early in the podcast
like three hours ago.
Oh, about
deporting that girl.
That's right.
He was like,
yeah, we didn't give you
that visa.
It's like, bro,
no one elected you.
You lost.
You got made fun of.
You were little Marco.
You were sweaty little Marco.
I remember.
He's the guy
that's going to release
all the UFO docs.
Oh, is he?
Yeah.
All right, well then, cool.
Allegedly.
That's what they do
to get us to keep voting.
They go, yo,
Epstein files?
We got them.
We got it.
Just look up Bill Gates.
Nothing.
Yo, vote for us.
We're going to get
the Epstein files.
The UFOs,
that's the real thing.
It's the most important thing.
We're working on that right now.
I'm real close.
I'm going to get a skiff.
I don't know.
I'll be right back.
I've been around the country.
I think we got bigger fish to fry.
There's a lot of fish.
Fucking UFOs.
Bro, there was this lady
who did this video
who just went to Los Angeles
for five days
and was talking about
how she hadn't been there
in a long time
and what it was like.
And she said that
Skid Row is 50.
How many blocks is Skid Row?
Because I swear
she said it's 50 blocks.
No.
Campy.
Campy.
It's the whole city.
Yeah, it's like downtown.
How many blocks is it?
Downtown's 50 blocks.
How many blocks?
Oh, it is.
How many blocks is Skid Row?
How do you even measure things
by blocks?
Blocks aren't universally
the same size, are they?
Look at that.
50 blocks?
Roughly 50 or 54 blocks.
It's a quarter mile.
Square quarter mile.
It's a quarter mile of chaos.
Do you know how crazy that is?
It's crazy.
You know how crazy that is?
That's how bad Skid Row is.
And she said, you don't understand it
until you get there.
And she said the entire city
has a heavy feel to it.
Like it doesn't feel right.
Like you feel, it feels off.
Is that a real sign?
Skid Row, you want to be a loser?
Wait, Skid Row has a, wait, hold on.
Skid Row is actually a,
too many.
The name of it?
Yeah.
Oh, I thought it was like.
You gotta go down there
and check it out, bro.
I've been, I've been.
It's complete insanity.
You gotta go to Kensington and Allegheny.
They've shut down the streets.
Fire that up.
It's just people.
Give me some Google images.
People just live in there.
Just live on the streets.
K&A in Philly.
But this is crazy.
This is 50 blocks.
Whatever you guys got
is a tiny little bitch-ass Skid Row.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
We're doing the real deal.
You went from the big Skid Row
to little bitch-ass Skid Row.
No, no, no.
How many blocks you got?
We're the epicenter of heroin.
Let's take a bet.
I'd say Philly was there
before Skid Row.
No, no.
I would say Philly's got it way worse.
Really?
More blocks?
Not more people, no.
No.
But just more-
But that.
It's that for-
But that's Skid Row, too, man.
I think it's the same.
I think derelicts are the same everywhere.
But here they could freeze to death.
That is the difference.
That's the difference.
They're a little more hardcore.
Yeah, I can't say.
I don't know.
Philly ones can freeze to death.
K&A is bad.
I think it's the worst place I've seen in America.
Jesus Christ.
Though I was just in Portland, and that shit is such a cool city.
Yeah.
It's like going to San Francisco where you're like,
damn, this is an awesome city.
It's just fucked up.
But I don't want to-
The homelessness problem is a real-
It's a real crazy issue.
And no one can come up with a solution.
It's not-
Because it might be the result of an issue that already happened, and now it's
too late
to fix.
And how do you fix it?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I haven't heard one good fucking answer.
Nope.
Not one.
Other than just every single person I know going, fucking, the city sucks.
Well-
There's no solution.
Also, they're throwing so much money at the problem, and it's not getting at
all better,
which is not a good sign.
That's not a good sign.
That really means there's a hole in your bucket, dear Lila.
I bet there's a hole in the bucket.
I bet there is.
There is a hole.
They've proven it.
There's people that are making a ton of money.
It's a whole complex of people that are making a ton of money working on
homelessness.
That's how it is.
Anytime there's an issue, somebody's going to be making a fuck ton of money on
it.
Always.
Yeah.
People are dirty.
Didn't the Clintons make a fuck ton of money on Haiti?
Did they?
I don't know.
Allegedly.
Did they?
They made money on Haiti?
Put that into perplexity.
How would they have made money on Haiti?
I think they just took some of the donations.
What happened?
Fuck if I know.
I think somebody owned a fucking mind down there.
Didn't like a rapper wind up going to jail for that?
Cross?
Yeah, he went to jail, right?
I don't know.
I don't know what that was about.
Or he got arrested and sentenced if he hasn't gone to jail?
Sentenced to 14 years in prison for a major foreign influence scheme,
including illegally funding millions of dollars from Malaysian financier Joe Lowe
to former President Barack Obama's 2012 campaign lobbying.
Waiting for China.
Whoa.
You think that would be a bigger story?
Whoa.
What is he from again?
The Fugees.
The Fugees.
Oh, damn.
That's crazy.
They took two hits.
Because Lauryn Hill.
He did a good documentary.
Yeah.
Skid Row.
Oh, that's crazy.
Spent the night down there for a few days.
He probably was holding the bag, dude.
They got Lauryn Hill for tax evasion, remember?
They put her away.
They hate the Fugees.
Bro, that's crazy.
Yeah.
Wyclef Jean's Haitian.
But it seems like this dude was involved.
Seems like the Fugees might have been up to no good.
Wyclef Jean.
I love that Stayin' Alive version.
He rules.
Oh, he rules.
But he had an issue with Haiti too, right?
He's Haitian.
Right.
But didn't...
Wasn't there like...
Probably.
I think a lot of the money got funny down there.
As it will do when money is...
The worst thing I've ever seen, there's a documentary on Haitian prisons.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
You want to see?
Bro, it's like fucking 90 people in a cell.
Oh, no.
That's designed to fit like 10 people.
Oh, no.
And also there's no due process because they can't process everybody.
So there's guys in there that are like, yo, I didn't do anything.
And I'm here for 15 years.
And then there's an earthquake and everyone gets out.
Oh, my God.
And then they go, I think that guy was in prison.
Pick him up.
It's just a fucking guy who's like, I wasn't...
Now you're in the worst prison on earth.
Yeah, it's a tough one.
No verified evidence shows Bill or Hillary Clinton personally profited or
received salaries
from Haiti-related activities through the Clinton Foundation.
The Foundation raised around $30 to $500 million.
What?
For Haiti, post-2010 earthquake, directing funds to aid groups, investments,
and projects
like hotels and factories without taking administrative overhead.
You get $500 million, you go, fucking, they're not going to notice.
$15.
Shane, don't you just read AI and just recognize the truth and stop being
conspiracy theorists?
I'm not conspiracy theorists.
I'm thinking about the college football playoff, which has a lot of conspiracies.
Oh, really?
The Protestants formed against the Irish.
Oh, no.
All the Southern Protestants joined against the Catholics.
Wow.
Tale as old as time.
It's IRA versus...
Last time they tried to join against us, we marched down there and burned down
their fucking
cities.
So watch out.
It's crazy because sports are like a substitute for war.
You'd think we'd have more presidents.
The Catholics.
Yeah, they only had one.
Biden, too.
Oh, Biden's Catholic.
We got Biden.
Allegedly.
True.
We only got one.
He got shot, and then Biden was doing auto sign.
Give us a good one.
Yeah.
You got anybody in mind?
Fuentes.
Nick Fuentes?
He could probably win in a few years.
Hold on, let's talk.
Listen, he couldn't have existed before, right?
10, 20 years ago, couldn't have existed.
Now, super popular.
What's 20 years from now look like?
You know, maybe someone like that can win.
Well, we'll see.
I gotta pee so bad.
We gotta wrap this up anyway.
I'm sorry, 418.
We got that one at the buzzer.
Yeah.
Well, listen, I will say this about it.
It's fascinating to watch that there's like a whole group of people that feel
very unrepresented
in the world, and especially like young men.
And here you got this young guy with a very high verbal IQ, and he also does a
lot of shit
posting, a lot of talking shit, a lot of trolling, says women shouldn't be
allowed to vote.
It says wild shit.
Wild shit.
And that Piers Morgan thing is like, bro, that was like an expert sparring with
someone
who thought they were an expert.
Sure.
Like, they're playing two totally different games.
And it's also the thing that people try to get Fuentes on is that he's still
funny as fuck.
It's funny.
So that's where you're in a lot of trouble.
When he hits him, do you think the Holocaust, you made jokes about the
Holocaust?
He goes, too soon?
Like, dude.
And you could see.
He's wild.
You could see, but you could see Piers going, oh, fuck.
Bro, when he was like, me mom died.
I was like, holy shit.
Bro, he got hit.
He got hit with a missile on that one.
Too soon?
Too soon.
I was like, oh, my God.
I don't know if this is AI or not, but this photo just popped up online.
Oh, no.
What is it?
Hey, I'm just having a good time.
He got head from a block?
There's a black block.
He got head from a Polish person?
A block head?
Yeah.
Well.
Duh.
Well, duh.
That's like, duh.
Trump or fucking Clinton got head in a hot tub?
Can you imagine if you were one of those guys and you were like, finally, I got
a place
where I can get my free call.
I will say, dude, you ever try to get a head in a hot tub?
That seems gross.
It's fucking impossible.
It's going inside.
Yeah, this is going inside.
This is nuts.
I appreciate your enthusiasm.
This is not ideal.
Now I'm like, barely hard.
This fucking water's in your mouth.
This fucking chemical smell?
Don't give me a head in the hot tub.
You shouldn't get that in your mouth anyway.
Fucking chemical water from that hot tub destroying your endocrine system?
All right.
All right.
Good shit.
Love you.
It was a lot of fun.
Bye, everybody.
Bye.