#2144 - Chris Distefano


2 months ago




Chris DiStefano

3 appearances

Chris DiStefano is a stand-up comic and the host of "Chrissy Chaos" and "Christories." He also co-hosts "Hey Babe!" alongside Sal Vulcano. His latest special, "Speshy Weshy," is available to stream on Netflix. www.chrisdcomedy.com

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Episodes from 2024

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I never know what's going on with you. This is like an act or this is part of the fun of being Chrissy D I mean no well Chrissy D was all fun in games. Was? Was. Third person now Well, Chrissy D was all fun in games. Was. Was. Third person. Now we're coming into a part. Two major things have happened here. Okay. One, I've re-found my love for Christ, and I'm back being Catholic. I'm back in. Nice. Got two feet in Catholicism. Okay. We're back, baby. And then the other thing is, is I made, I, I, uh, six months ago, I had this beautiful house, Staten Island, right? Everything we wanted sold the house because I was having anxiety about doing a show at Radio City, swear to God, I, my brain couldn't process it that way, but through therapy, the therapist figured out and it's right because I checked on this with my girlfriend, and she was like, that's exactly what you did. Got was very nervous about Radio City. He didn't know where to put that energy, because it was a big show. I'm a New York guy, big, biggest weekend of my life. So I said, about two weeks before Radio City, came home and said, we're putting up the house for sale. I want to be able to walk to a bagel store. We can't walk to a bagel store at this house on Staten Island. I need that for my creative process. And my girl was like, what are you doing? We just renovated our kitchen, delivered. We just, you just poured money and this is our home. I was like, I know that there's a bagel store, a .9 miles away that I didn't know about. But you had a dream house. I had a dream house that we put to our liking. And I said, I couldn't, didn't understand it then. I said, we're selling the house and I convinced my family because that's what we can do right [2:04] as comics. I convinced them, I had them buy this story, convinced my girl, my family, what's gonna be better for us is to sell this five bedroom house. Here's what we, here's the move. We can sell this five bedroom house for about $300,000 under asking price. We're gonna get out of this puppy. We're gonna sell that. We're gonna move to Queens where we can walk to stuff and bagel stores and being civilization. We're going to temporarily live in a two bedroom apartment and then we're eventually going to move into a condo and life's going to be better because we won't have to care for these grounds anymore. I want to throw out the garbage. We'll be safe in an apartment. People can come in the back window of our home and this will be the move. And I did that and then the apartment that we had lined up fell through. We left the apartment where we were living in because it had roaches. Jasmine almost left me. She was almost like, I can't be a part of your chaos and self-sabotage anymore. [3:01] And I had to kind of really just say what the hell did I just do? How, what, figure this problem out went back into therapy, turned back into religion, starting to find some answers. And now we're living in a home that we're renting that we like and we're kind of settling in, but that I learned the valuable, I learned the lesson of self sabotaging the hard way, the hardest. It's weird. What's going on in my career right now? Selling the most thick I've ever had, financially the best I've ever done, getting all these opportunities, was the worst version of me as a human being. But not because I was just self-sabotaging after self-sabotaging and I couldn't, didn't know why. Do you have friends that you could talk to about this stuff? Yeah, but they're, you know, not, they call me gay. You know what I mean? Like they're old school New York guys that are like, I don't fucking know, dude, get a therapist. And I'm like, well yeah, what I have to do, what I really felt like nobody could really help me with this. I was like, I gotta I turn back to going to church. [4:06] And I was like, well, at least I have like, if anything for me church is just an hour a week to just meditate and sit there, and I have nothing, I have no thoughts, I have no technology, I'm like this just me and whoever I think God is. That's how I feel about it, but that chaos stuff, because people always, you know, Chrissy Chaos, I was actually living in it and I was like, okay, now what I've done, now I've hurt my family. Now I've done a thing that's not funny. Now I've taken things from my kids because I thought my kids would be like, oh yeah dad, like my eight year old, we had this moment, that kids are just kids. I'm like, telling them, like, isn't this great baby? Like, we can walk to the bagel store now, we can go to the park, we're not like living off the side of a highway and she was like, well, I love that we had a pool. And I was like, yeah, but isn't it better that we can, you know, don't have a pool now and No, no, she was like honestly, she was like, we're did it for you. So I'm happy that you're happy, but I miss my friends. [5:07] And then I was like, oh my God, what the fuck did I do? So I kind of have been like backtracking as much as I can, little by little, to try to like, re-correct these mistakes. And now my family is more on board. Now my family's like, hey, we're with you, we're with you, but we got to figure this out. So now we're settled finally in a place and we're kind of falling in love with the neighborhood we're living in as time has went on. And my kids are finding friends and all that and we're not going to take that from them. I'm not going to be like, well, wherever we are now, we're gonna stay for years so they can build the bonds and the friendships that they need that I inadvertently took away from them without me even realizing. Hmm. Can I have those edibles? So this anxiety ramped up when success ramped up. [6:00] Yes. So here, it's not like a therapist here, but is it because you're worried it's gonna go away? Is that the anxiety? Like what is the anxiety? Like what is the fear? No, it wasn't any of that. It was, I believe I have confidence. I believe that I'm in this business. I can do it. And I believe that we're all together now, especially how comedy is now. I feel like we're all together now, especially how comedy is now. I feel like we're all like this big brother, sisterhood, like we'll help each other. One of us is falling like we got each other. I believe in that. But I think that the actual anxiety of the day of, you know, again, being a New York eye one night radio city the next night, the theater at MSJ, all these for me a lot of tickets, you know, 10,000 plus tickets, which is huge for me. I was like, how am I gonna balance all this? What if I don't do well? What if, what if, what if one of these 10,000 people realizes that I'm, thinks that I'm some kind of fraud, thinks that like, hey, one is going to always. [7:03] There's always people that are gonna find some negative thing and anything. So now, now, I've gotten to that point to accept that. Wildly different, not wildly different, but I'm much better now than I was in September when all this stuff was going on because I've just kind of accepted that I don't really have control of what others think. Maybe you need a thing other than just comedy that you do. That's not like career oriented, like a hobby. Like some kind of other interest that you really enjoy that you could focus on. So what I did, I'm getting, I'm trans people, so it is. That's what I'm, yes, trans people. I'm really into wiki feed for specifically trans women. And so, no no what I think is Well what I've done because I haven't gone to the hobby yet what I've done is I've really I thought I was always focused on my kids always being a father is everything to me, but I said What you just said I said I said I'm gonna really just focus on being a dad being home [8:03] Coming off the road a little bit. Just temporarily doing my thing in New York, keeping my podcast going, keeping my name out there, but not going on this national tour, getting away from that. For now, I've shot a special. It's going to come out at the end of the year. I'm like, be home. Be with the kids. Be picking them up. Be at the park with them. Focus on, like, give yourself a schedule. I'm a comedian from nine to five, and though, or nine to three, when you pick up your, and then when you pick up your kids, just for now, you just be with them, and then, and that's really helped. And now, like last night, I was at your club, which is awesome. I was at your club, and that was the material that I was, because I've been writing, but I was like, I don't wanna try a brand new thing right here, I did one new thing, but I was like, oh wow, I felt like that little mental experiment helped me, like I was so excited to be on stage again, I've found like reconnected. And you, something that you do that I noticed last night, and I was like, huh, you know, how much there's really nothing more you can [9:06] do in comedy, right? I mean, you've done everything. The biggest you can get is you've achieved, which is beautiful, but I still saw you yesterday obsessing over your hour and thinking about like, how do I make that joke better? Which is why you've gotten here. And I've had that question in my head yesterday and got it back to the hotel. I was like, do I have that? Do I? Is it okay that I don't have it like Joe? It does that mean I'm gonna not be successful? Does that mean I does that kind of? Are we all just different because I love comedy? But I was like, I don't know like I just shot a special and was like, you know what? I need some time off where I don't know that you've ever done that, right? I mean, you've never taken a big break from standup. Well, I took a big break during COVID. Right. But other than that, you've always been like, you have a love and a passion that's, you're not worried about, like you're never looking at your watch, being like, isn't hour up yet, you know, when you're podcasting, you're never being like, I gotta get an hour, you just flow. You're just freeing the moment, flowing with passion, which is very atom-er-aboling and I look at that sometimes and I question myself [10:05] and I'm like, do I have that? I know I've been relatively successful in this and I do love it, but I'm like, do I have that? I wonder if therapy is not a good thing for a person like you. Okay, why do you think? Because I've never heard that. I wonder if like, obsessing about your problems makes your problems bigger and that maybe you just need another thing to focus on that maybe alleviates anxiety, like some kind of like a hardcore workout thing. Okay, do you work out? Yes, what do you do? Well, yesterday, yesterday I did hot yoga. That's great. Yeah, just because I was like I was on the plane, I wanted to do the hot yoga, dripping sweat. That's a great, crazy. And then today, today I ran two miles and then I did with 30 pound dumbbells. I did one burpee, one press, 10 times, ramped that up to five. So you know, went all the way up to one, two, three, so it was a lot of burpees with that. Then I did farmers, carries, ball slams, [11:02] thing I was dripping in sweat, I was trying to do that. So I wasams, thing that I was dripping in sweat. I was trying to do that. So I was thinking, it does. I always feel after a workout, great. Cause I was an athlete. I played basketball my entire life. To the point where my friends from home are like, you never mentioned basketball and that's the thing you were known as in the neighborhood. Everybody knew you as basketball. They used to call me gums, because I have big gums. So they would call me gums, but they would call me dirt, you know, little dirt. Like basketball was my whole life. Big gums? See how they're, see how they're kind of big. No, you're doing that, I could do that. No, I know, but when I fly, like they're just, I have ginger vitus too much. Well, they really do. Yeah. No, they used to call me gums. I mean, I- Those people were rude. I've had the same size head and teeth since I'm seven. So I've always looked kind of weird. You had grew into your teeth. Yeah, I was just born with this big fat head and big teeth. But they, so basketball was an obsession. Then physical therapy, getting my doctor's degree was in obsession right and then comedy became an obsession and i think i have this thing in my head right now i have to stay in the present but sometimes [12:08] i can't help it where i'm like well is this your obsession ending now and you're going to find another obsession yeah that it's the thinking about the negative possibilities right that are dangerous right you know i think you on put posted this on twitter that uh... having anxieties, literally, like having a conspiracy theory against yourself. Got it. That's pretty good. Yeah, that's what I can see now. Because you're like thinking, oh my God, what if this all falls apart? Right. So you're dwelling on that. But it's not falling apart. That's the thing. Which is what I don't understand. Which is weird, because yeah, cause I feel confident. I don't feel like, I don't feel like help me. I feel like I can figure anything out. Right. I'm a biological male. Do you think that maybe the worrying that it's gonna fall apart is what keeps you on track? Cause you're like, I can't let it fall apart. You know, I have a family. I have a lot of responsibilities, I have to keep killing, I have to keep doing great. [13:06] Right, yeah, it feels specifically, yeah. I feel like if I, I do feel like it's all on me with my family, nobody else in my family works and I take care of multiple family members, which I'm proud to do. I don't feel like that's a burden. I feel like this is great, this makes me feel, at times when I feel emasculated, that makes me feel masculine. You know, when I'm like, oh, I don't know how to build anything. And I'm, you know, I got my girlfriend here putting up sheetrock and I'm like, I can build fucking walls emotionally. I don't know how to do anything else other than that. I was like, at least I can, at least I feel like, you rely on me for that. And I guess there is something in comedy, I guess because it's not like a day job, a daily paycheck coming in every two weeks, maybe that seeps in, but it's weird because I am very confident in anything I do. I've always felt like my father would tell me from when I was a little kid, you control your part, [14:02] you control the output, not the outcome. He said that to me a million times, you control your part, you control the output, not the outcome. He said that to me at a million times, you control your output, not your outcome. Just control your output and the outcome is irrelevant. It doesn't matter if you win or lose, I don't care about that, how are you playing? And so I feel like I control my output as best I can, but yet then I sit with these thoughts, kind of, you know, they eat at me sometimes, you know? But and then maybe it comes out in weird ways where I'm like, well, I'll just sell my house or I'll, you know, I have a grid family thing right now that maybe I'll, you know, maybe I'll fall in love with the actress from Baby Ranger, I don't know. Did you ever talk to anybody before you sold your house? I talked to one of your friends. I know. And I got rid of a great mortgage rate. I really fucked up. So, but I take, I mean, I had three, I had like free money from the bank. I really fucked up. But I'm aware of that. And I'm kind of saying along these lines, you know, I really fucked up. I do believe I've learned the lesson. I do believe that I would never do that again. And I do believe it wasn't fatal for us, [15:07] but I was like, I really, like I've never been that guy. I would manufacture problems in my brain. I would say, oh, you know, this is an issue, but it's minor, it's not, it's self-obsessed, narcissistic, like disgusting, like Chris, get over yourself. Self-obsessed bullshit, get over yourself. And I would do that and then kind of tell myself, like you're being gross, stop Chris, like you're family, you have a pain in your big toe, it's not brain cancer, shut up. And you know, your family needs you. And then so I would do that, but then I actually did give myself a big problem. I had two major problems, I had this house, Salon, then I had a family member who really was acting crazy, like crazy, crazy, crazy, where I was like, this is now a nightmare. This has become an issue. So I'm like, now for the first time in the past nine months, I'm like, you, you, one self-induced, one not, and you've created [16:03] now, how do you deal with this? How do you think you created the problem with your family member acting crazy? Because I enabled them. I feel a reciproc- Specifically, how'd you do that? I feel well because I was giving them money. I was not aware that an issue was going on. A good drug issue? Yes, and I was allowing them to do know, like to do things and say things. And I was just like, this is fun. It's, it's chaos, baby. And then, and then not realizing like, hey, man, you're affecting way more. You're going to be the head of this family than be the head of this family. They're going to follow your lead. And you're a lead right now. No matter how much you tell you, so I don't do drugs, I don't do drink. I don't drink too much. I'm, you know, stable, you're not, buddy. Like you have to put your feet down right now and your family, you know, my eight-year-old is, she's old enough now to somebody, well, you know, somebody in her class would be like, oh, your dad's the comic. He's pretty filthy, right? So my daughter is now at an age where she's, you know, I've never mentioned them. Nobody knows what they look like. I'm not that. But, but I'm like, oh, there's [17:08] responsibilities now. There's, there's repercussions for things we're doing now. My kids, they're not little anymore. My 13 year old, I have 13, eight and two. My two year olds obviously baby, but 13 and eight, you're going to have to now really, really, really get your shit together. And I think that was scary because nobody really in my family, no male figures at least, even though my father's a great man, nobody really got their shit together, right? I was like, I'm the only one who went to college, I'm the only one who pursued anything, I'm the only one who's ever even owned a home, you know, so even though I sold it immediately. Pfft. So how long did you have it for? About two years and I sold it for way under my neighbor who I didn't consult with was like, why if you wanted to move, fine. Again, it's that violence not for everybody, even though I love that, Nylon. But you ruined the property value. He was like, yes, he was like, what the fuck? And he was like, you sold it. Who the fuck did you sell this to? And you sold it for hundreds of thousands of dollars less than it was worth. And how did you do that? [18:07] Because I just wanted to get out. I just wanted to move. So you just accepted the first offer? Yes. I just needed action. My father was a, like his marriage with my mother got ruined because he was a hardcore gambler. Hardcore gambler's anonymous root, like that's a scary disease. Yes. Gambler, gamble and my father told me, you know, even before I started doing this, my father's always like, you do not gamble, okay? If I ever see you learning card tricks, if I ever see you knowing what gambling on sports, any of that, you're really gonna upset me. And like, this is the only demand I have of you is do not gamble. And what I believe has happened is I don't gamble. I don't even know what the point spreads and the vigs that I don't know what any of that means because my phone and card games you could put cards in front of me. I have no idea what's happening. People talk about, you know, parlay bets. I have no idea what's happening. I don't know what it's a foreign language to me because I was like, I'm gonna do that. But what I've realized now is, well, of course I'm gambling still. [19:08] I'm just not playing card games and betting. Right, you're just taking risks with your life. I might be taking bigger risks with my life than he could. Because now, he was gambled, yes, he lost his marriage to my mom, which sucks. But whatever, he gambled, some guys wanted to kill him because he owed money, got 10 caravan, then he went to gamblers anonymous, and at least he was like, well, I have this disease, and I don't do it anymore. And I respect my dad for that. He got out of it. But I'm like, man, I was going down this path where like how many more decisions was I gonna make? How many more times is I gonna gamble? Because I was like, I didn't realize, and this last nine months, I was like, wow dude, you really fucking are looking at it in the face now. Like these decisions, I mean dude, when you're eight year old is looks at you, like what the fuck did you do? That's all, you know, your mom and dad can tell you, [20:00] should even your wife and girlfriend can tell you, should which I all love and respect when your daughter is like, what did you do? Why did you do this to us? Right. You kind of have this major wake up call where I was like, yeah, when I moved here, I was very lucky that my kids wanted to move here. Right. And it was lucky during the time that we moved. There was a real clear reason because Ellie was fucked. Right. but and they love it here. So I'm happy, but if they didn't, I'd feel fucking terrible. And if I had sold the house like that, yeah, especially if there's a real bagel store. .9 miles away. Shout out, man, our bagels on stand out. They had excellent bagels. Shout out, man. He just didn't know. I didn't know it though. I sold it back into the neighborhood. I know, that's funny, Mike. Girl was like, do you think we can contact the people who bought our home? And buy it back. And buy it back even though it's twice the mortgage rate and you'll have to pay more money like it would make us happy. And I reached out to him and he was like, no, you can't do it. And it's funny, I sold it to, you know, Staten Island's like a funny, it you don't know Staten Island, it's like an old school New York City neighborhood. [21:06] It's like the only borough that is like, you know, kind of like more Republican than anything. Like they are like freedom, like American flag, you will see American flags everywhere on Staten Island. And Wu Tang Clan. And Wu Tang Clan, right? Wu Tang is on one part, but you know, and Staten Island. Staten nylon baby. And so they, you know, they're like when I moved in, you know, I come in here, it's me, you know, I'm Italian, whatever, but then my whole family's Puerto Rican and my neighbors for like the first two weeks, just because I didn't know, I told my neighbors that my wife was Italian. I'm like, girl, it was a town not Puerto Rican. I swear to God, I told the Puerto Rican. And then my neighbor, who's a great guy, he's a doctor, he finally came over to me once and he goes, you know, we know, he's Puerto Rican. He said, Chrissy, it's no issue. I thought that that's what I was supposed to do. And then I sold the house and again, it's not, you know, I sold the house to a Palestinian family, [22:07] which whatever, right? Who, they were, they're very nice people, but I sold them it now, you know, they're proud of their country. And then, you know, I sold them before this whole shit start popping off. So now that same neighbor's like, wait a fucking go. And it'll send me pictures and then it it's funny, because they have a flag outside and now my neighbor got American flag twice as big as there, it's just fucking stamping that. So now I've caused a community conflict. Community conflict. Why don't you just offer more money to Palestinians? Maybe they're uncomfortable there. Now, well, so actually what has happened is when I contacted them is they have like multiple family members living in there now. They have, so they're like, we can't, this is our house, like we have to stay, like we, they have a baby, they have a hole. So, and I fucked up, but I do feel, I do feel [23:01] that we are getting out of it, and I'm confident in my abilities. Are you going to go back to that now? I have been looking at how does that stand out like. Yes. I have. And we actually put an offer in on one last week. You're a fun mess. Thank you. It's a fun mess because it's not the worst cut of mess. If you were a gambling addict, that's a scary mess. Or drugs. Dr that's a scary mess or drugs drugs is a scary mess Yeah, yeah, those are scary ones because those they slip people slip away and then they find yourself at OTP Yeah, and they're fucking betting money. They don't have and they just they get that rush Yeah, and when you see people that get that gambler's rush. It's just like a drug addict like their eyes gloss over like they just need that fix They need that bet you've seen uncut gems right sure They just need that fix, they need that bet. You've seen uncut, James, right? Sure. Whoa. Phenomenal. Phenomenal. Yeah. That will be so good. So nuts. Well, that's when I watch out my dad, my dad was like, this is what life was like. Yeah. This is what it was for me. I knew so many people like that in the pool hall. Yeah. They were thing to watch because you realize like, oh, it's a drug. You're getting a drug. You're getting this weird anxiety fix. [24:06] Right. It's dopamine fix, whatever it is from gambling. Yeah, and my father, like inadvertently, like, you know, my friend loves me, you know, loves me like a phenomenal father, right? The divorce when I was one, you know, my mom, my dad lived on Staten Island, my mom all the way in Queens. If you know, if you're not, that's like a two hour commute. He couldn't, he didn't have a car. It was taken the ferry and trains and never missed one visitation with me. It was out all my games. But even in the throws of the addiction, like he would take me to the OTV race track. And I, I loved it. He was like, we're going to watch the horse. He's Chrissy. You have a told me, you know, you could leave my mother's house, right? Where she still lives and you could go to the right was church and to the left was the OTB racetrack, but kind of the church was like at a top of a triangle. So you could go either way and get to the church and my father told me, you'd always be like, you know, when you're going to church with your mother though, you always go to the right. [25:01] Okay? You don't walk to the left. Never walk past that OTB with your mother to the right because he knew that the dirt bags will hung out outside there at Newme. And so one day we walked that way and they all started going out. It's like, area is Chrissy good luck, y'all. There he is, there he is. And my mother was like, how do you know those men? How do you know those men dad walks with me past that way and then she was like, you tell me right now. Is he taking you into that OTB racetrack? And then I like didn't know like, what the fuck to do? I had that moment like, do I side with my mom or side with my dad? And that was, I remember like, first time feeling like anxiety, but you know, I, one thing about, I just kind of always those guys know me. But then of course she found out and I got in big trouble. What? But it's what it is. God damn. Dude, by the way, I love Austin so much. I really do. I got into the car today. The send a car for me to come here. [26:02] I appreciate it. I get in the car, real real nice suit and tie driver And then he stepped in dog shit as soon as he got into the car He's walking and I see him go oh fuck and then he steps in dog shit And he's just driving in the car and it's not the entire car smells like dog shit And I said sir did you step in dog shit and he said yeah, I did and I was like oh Okay, he was like you want me to take my shoes off? I can throw them out right here. And I was like, you'll drive this car barefoot. He goes, absolutely. And I was like, no dude, it's okay. I was like, you are willing to drive this car barefoot. He goes, you're my customer. I'll drive barefoot for you. And I was like, what are you gonna do, man? He was like, I'm a fine-a-paper towel. And I'm a wipe down these shoes. You better bet, you better believe in ankle smell like shit in here when you come back. I was like, good for you dude. Thank you. But full dog shit. Yeah. Good people out here. They're good people out here. I mean, yeah, I mean, there's not jobs everywhere though, right? Oh, sure. Yeah, there's a lot of crazy people here. Yeah. Because crazy people, whenever you have a large population, [27:06] there's two million people in this area. But that's not that much. No. No. That's what's good about it. It's like people aren't a burden. Yes, because you have the space. Yeah. If you live in New York City, the thing with New York, I agree, and New York now, it never felt that way, I'm my whole life there, but recently, New York has become a place, still great, still my home city, but the problems that you would always hear about, like, people would say, oh, it's conspiracy, or like, you're watching that shit on the news. Now you're actually seeing it. Okay, so for 39 years, I never had one altercation, not one altercation on the subway or in the streets with any kind of mentally unwell person in New York. There's a lot of crazy people, but they're not really fucking with deal. [28:00] Three times in the past year, three times in the past year I've been physically Assaulted or like how to defend myself against a Mentally deranged homeless person one time was walking in the comedy cellar some guy came at me And like just put his elbow in my chest and I had to push him and he fell over a pile of garbage I just had to push him as hard as I can where I'm like I never dealt with that And now you're starting to hear people who like would always kind of never, ever, ever even think about like voting any other way, but the traditional New York way are like, I have to now vote another way because it's not safe for me anymore. There's crime and the cops, I feel bad man, the cops, if I was in my, my lot of my friends are in YPD they're like dude we want to we want to fucking police that we can't I can't do anything my boy was telling me a story is like we were outside the projects right he goes and we see this drug dealer selling drugs right we see him he's selling drugs and we know he's right there selling drugs [29:01] we arrest him out right away out he goes then we saw him selling drugs to a, what we look like a 10 year old kid. So we arrest him. We arrest this guy. We seeing a 10 year old child walk with the bag of drugs. Arrest him back out. He goes, so what do you want me to fucking do then? I can't keep doing this. Why do you think they're doing that? Living in New York City. why do you think they're letting people out? Like right away, there's no cash bail, right? Right, I was told that's by my police friends, I was told that's what it is. It's that law is the big thing. It's like this bail law to get out. He said, which doesn't help anyone because I... Why was it made? I don't know. I honestly don't know. It's not well received though. Nobody really. You're gonna, in New York now, even the people who are wearing like 40 masks during COVID are like, I don't want my cities like being destroyed now. So now I don't know if that changes in an election if people will vote what they, I don't know, but I'm like, I see it now for the first time ever. [30:00] I'm like fully seeing people injecting heroin, fucking, it's wild. Even my father who was like I grew up in you know my father was like I remember New York in the 70s and 80s which was like nuts like you know he was like you would get assaulted everybody had AIDS he was like you know this is scary in New York I'm more scared of this New York because you know he's an in the old New York you knew which neighborhoods don't go in that neighborhood, and then you're okay. But this New York, I don't know where that shit's coming from. It's gonna pop out of anywhere at any time. And you'll have people that will hear this and be like, you're exaggerating, it's now true, I'm telling you, it's true. I wouldn't run into it. I'm telling you, dude, it's true. And when you are friends with the police, you know the cops, there it's true. Well, when you saw those illegal immigrants that came here that attacked the police officer and they were out on jail the next day, come on. Flashing the bird at the cameras. Like that's crazy. You got someone who illegally enters from another country, assaults a police officer and they're right back out in the street. Well, and by the way, nobody, like any race or religion doesn't want that in New York. Like nobody wants that. [31:06] That's not a thing that's like, oh, that nobody wants that at all. So like, I don't know what it's gonna take to change. I mean, I will tell you that like, a lot of New York is blame it on Mayor Bloomberg. Like he's the most hated ex mayor Bloomberg. He's the most hated person. Really more so than the last guy than DiBlasio. I'm sorry. DiBlasio is what I meant So I'm sorry not Bloomberg DiBlasio is what I meant. So I'm sorry mayor DiBlasio is is hated like he's hated more than Satan Like people just I was out of gym once in Park slow Brooklyn He was on the elliptical and he has a security guard standing by him He was the acting mayor and I mean people were just fucking trashing him as they walked by. Just, I mean, outwardly trashing him because nobody gives a shit. We were like, you, one guy was like, you fucking suck. And by the way, that's a girls machine. That's a girls machine. That's what they said. And I was like, it's not. Nobody's ever said that to me. Yeah. They said it's a girl. Are you still up to go machines? dude this they wouldn't say to you but he said they said it was a girl's machine and I and I saw one of security guards go like this [32:07] you just did that little laugh and then but people hate him and they blame a lot of what's happened in New York on him well he was definitely a fool sure he was a weird fool first of all that's not his real name right he's not Italian the Blasio's not his real name is it's like some sort of a German name. What's Di Blasio's real name? It's like Wilhelm I think, isn't it? Something very like Nazi. William Wilhelm. William Wilhelm. Wilhelm. What's really crazy is that video where he was doing that thing, trying to get people to get vaccinated, and then like you get a free burger, so he's eating a burger. Did I go I love this. Yeah. Warren Wilhelm Jr. Yeah. And he just divorced his wife, which she also stole. They said like $80 million or something. That one missing. Yeah. That's gone. So they hated her. Now they're divorced. It's one of those things though, where I just got to stay there. [33:03] It's just home. If I wasn't, yeah. Well, especially after what I told you, I just did, I can't now uproot the family to Austin. As much as I want. I'm thinking about it. Yeah, well, when I come here, I'm like, Are you renting right now? We're renting right now. I can't take my kid out of an edible. Okay. I'll do it This is only 10 cuz five puts me on my ass. Should I eat half or eat the whole thing? 10 you'll be fine. Are you positive? No, okay? Anything about you. Thank you Then you like trans girls feet. Yeah, I'm pretty positive about that. I don't think you'd lie. I wouldn't lie. That's the one thing about me. I make shit up. I exaggerate shit. One of my comedy stories and stuff. Exaggerate it. When it comes to shit like that, I won't lie. Yeah. I'll tell you that. I believe you. Um, this is a good place to live, but I don't think you should uproot your family again. convince them once they come here and they really like it. Well Jasmine, my girl has told me, you can move us again in five years, okay? [34:09] Five years. That's not a good time to move them. Well, that's a bad time. Why? Because she's saying you're all, a 13 year old will be through high school. Yeah, but then the other one, eight year old will be going into high school. Yeah, you don't want to move them like at high school. You don't think moving them in eighth grade? I think before, just as my personal opinion, I might be wrong for whoever's listening to this, it's about to move their kid. Cause listen, my family moved me to Newt and Massachusetts from Jamaica Plain for my first year at high school when it was actually good. It was good cause Jamaica Plain was fucking sketchy. Jamaica Plain, which is nice now. It's like they've done, you know, as Boston expanded, like they sort of like made, they renovated a lot of plays from that. Jamaica playing is a much more calm neighborhood. When I was there in the 1970s, it was sketchiest fuck. It was sketchy. It was like, I think we moved there in 78 or 79. [35:02] It was fucking weird. You know, it was dangerous. I had dangerous neighbors. These kids were, they already haven't sex. Like I was 11 and they were like, Jesus. I remember this kid was telling me like, you don't even know how your dick goes in a pussy. You probably think it goes in straight. Am I good, doesn't? He's like, it goes up. I go, it goes up. What? I thought you know, I've never seen like a girls no girls had ever shown me the vagina I was 11 but they were trying to explain to me that it's like and I guess I wasn't I guess I wasn't 11 I guess I was 13 okay, so it was like we only lived in Jamaica playing for a year and a half Yeah, I think it was I think we moved there before school I think I went through the summer and then we went I went to school with So this is where I went to eighth grade I went to this like public school in Jamaica playing We didn't have any money. We lived in it was a shitty area But the kids were like 17 in the eighth grade and they would show up for the first days of class than quit and [36:04] It was just like they were just they had dropped out so many times. They hear they were, the age where they should be graduating and they're not even in high school yet. Wow. It was weird. Is that what you think got you into martial arts then? You feel like you had to defend yourself in some ways? Well, I definitely felt super vulnerable, but I didn't get into martial arts until until the next year, but it was what you do Do you lose your virginity first again into martial arts first martial arts? Nice. Yeah actual sex sex. I mean, I'd been Fondled by a lady she was 21. That was 13. That was a lot of fun. That's interesting. Yeah, believe it But nothing hardcore serious not like sex sex until I was like 16 16. I was 17. I guess it was almost 16 First time ever at sex went raw dog didn't pull out. Yeah, I went in guide and know what to do. Oh my first time We talked to you. No very Catholic family wouldn't speak to me about these things I'm a dog not pulling out not pull out everyone's so fertile at that age [37:01] Dude and she's half Jamaican half half Italian. Very beautiful. Beautiful girl. We actually were on the same basketball team. We were playing basketball together and she had already had sex and I was a virgin and we had this sex and unprotected and I'll never forget. She was, you know, like a do-rag on, she had done this before. My mom wasn't home, she put this do-rag on. She was ready to go. She was ready to go and then she, you know, I couldn't really, I was so nervous I could barely get an erection, I just couldn't, it was impossible and then finally got it in and then I finally got it up And it was, she wrote, dude two pumps, bluish, she was like, you just come inside me What's I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, and then I had this emotional swing where I immediately, I started hysterical crying the very first time I had sex. It was the weirdest thing I can't explain it hysterical crying to the point where she you know comforted me and then within two weeks broke up. Of course she was done. She was waiting in two weeks. I could in. She was holding a breath. Yeah and I don't know my therapist can't tell me why that happened. [38:01] He's like that's a rarity. I can't tell you, man. Well, you're an emotional guy. You're an emotional guy. You were fucking 14 years old, but it's anxiety. It's anxiety. So thinking about a thing, the thing happens and you just overwhelmed and you don't know how to handle it. So you just cry. Anxiety for me is this interesting thing. I know a lot of people suffer from it, but it's this interesting thing where I've connected Now, I used to lean into my anxiety, right? I used to especially do in comedy. I would like make it a thing, whatever. I, Pandora's Box of Anxiety opened up for me on 9-11 because I thought my mom was dead. This whole thing, so I couldn't shake that feeling for 10 years after that. I could not shake the feeling of thinking my mom or anyone I loved, any woman that I loved, girlfriend or mom or aunt, if they did not respond to me within five minutes of a text, I assume they were dead. That feeling of nine, every day came back because I was calling my mom no response, no response, every day coming back, coming back. And so I would deal with that. And then something happened where this thing, [39:00] I started to look at my anxiety like narcissism and like disgusted with myself to the point where, because I started to look at my anxiety like narcissism and like disgusted with myself to the point where, because I used to put out these videos anxiety Tuesday, talk about my anxiety, and people will still sometimes be like, oh, that anxiety Tuesday stuff, it helped me so much, why don't you do it anymore? And I'm like, I hate that guy. That guy was so pitiful, like because you were being worried about things that really didn't matter. What I should have done and what I know now is dealt with that anxiety in a healthier way. So instead of subconsciously selling my house because I was really nervous about a big show, I would be able to deal with that anxiety in a healthier way and make a better decision. So I think like this relationship with anxiety is so big and swings in my life that I used to kind of let I'm trying to use the energy now to be like, well, how can you learn from this? How does this build you up and how do you make better decisions, you know, by doing this? So I struggle with that. Do you have friends that you grew up with that also had anxiety too? No, anxiety wasn't a thing that you could speak about in my neighborhood. [40:02] So that's just only like you on your own develop this. 100% and then like I remember, my anxiety was so bad. I played college basketball and I would text my girlfriend at the time to make sure she got home from work, you know, whatever, what she was doing. And if she didn't text, I remember there was this one game where we were playing Brooklyn College, which was like a big rival. We needed to beat them. I was, I was, you know, one of the best players on the team. I, I remember I would, um, she wasn't texting me back. I foolishly texted her before the game, like when we're in the locker room and then thinking, okay, we're going to go in forups, 20 minutes, I would have to leave my phone in another room because the anxiety of like, is the phone ringing or not, I couldn't handle it. So if I texted her and then I went and did something else for 20 minutes, I would say at the end of this 20 minutes, she's gonna have a text, she's home and you can relax, right? Even though it was pure daylight and me, like she was always gonna be okay but my brain convinced me otherwise. So one day she's not texting back and now the game has begun. [41:10] So I'm playing this game like I can't even feel my body like I am paralyzed. Truly I cannot feel my body. My mouth is numb. I'm having like a full panic attack but I am the lead player on a college basketball game that we need to win So so I don't know like what the fuck to do So I call a timeout I call a timeout over room my coach. I'm like time a coach. I just need a breather Okay, I say I'm just gonna go back into the training room. I just want to take my ankle, which is normal Okay, I come back out I just I wanted to look at my phone look at the phone still no message still nothing You know turns out it was just a delay on the train and she whatever she's a 21-year-old girl She's not looking at her phone all the time right and I Come back and I have the phone stuffed in my pants. Oh my god I stuffed it in my like tidy shorts and I played the game with the cell phones stuffed in my pants because I said the only way I'm able to do this [42:08] is somehow when nobody's looking, even though it's a packed college crowd, pull out this phone and make sure that she texts me or else I can't play. I'm gonna be proud of this and I can't play. So I had it and then I was playing the game, realizing this is worse, because now I'm waiting for the phone to vibrate, and every time I thought it was vibrating, it was, and I was just running in the game. So then I stuffed it in towels, and the warm-ups, which was in a pile in the back of the bench, and they would call, coach would call time out, or I would call the time out, I did that twice, and get out, and then I would go over and look at the phone to see if she had texted me. I dealt with this anxiety. Then what happened was, I was, you know, we were kids, 1819. I opened up to one of my friends about it. We used to call them Bam Bam. It's a big boy. I opened up to him about it thinking, you know, whatever. [43:02] Then what they did, again, back then not knowing anything about mental health, not really caring, being from deep and Brooklyn, what they did is they on a road trip, one time we were going to a game, they found a way to start, they star six, seven, called me from a, you know, unrestricted, not, it'll pop up nobody. And they said, girl's name was Melissa, they were like, hey, we kidnapped Melissa. Oh geez. We have her in the trunk of our car. She's gonna die. Like everything that they, I confess to them, they said, and I had, and it was crazy. My freshman year, when she also played basketball as well that, when I was a freshman, she was a senior, so we would always be in the same gym at the same time. So I know anxiety. I was 90% free throw shooter, 90. My junior and senior year, when I was a better basketball player and better shaped the leader of the team, but she was not with me every game, 50% free throw shooter, because my brain, I couldn't feel my body. And I somehow got people, my teammates, even though this, [44:06] I got all the way to Division Three All-American. I was like, I'm my school's all-time leading scorer or maybe second now, but I did all this stuff. And I was completely 100% absolutely having like this mental health crisis, like as anxious as I could be where I swear, I would never joke about this. Like I was like at 21 years old being like, I'm gonna have to kill myself. I'm gonna, I cannot live like this. And nobody could help me. My mother didn't know what to do. Nobody, this was, you know, 25, yeah, 20 years ago. I, there was no mental health. Nobody knew that. Nobody knew about like that. I just dealt with every day reliving, I think my girlfriend's dead. I think reliving that 9-11 Pandora's box and it affected me and to the point where like every relationship I had, they broke up with me because they were like, I can't deal with this. To them, it was control. And in a way, it was. I was trying to control. I wouldn't care about if they cheated on me. Where are you? I was never jealous about that. I'd be like, go have fun. Have sex. [45:05] Let me know what biggest dick is. I'm kind of into it. I don't give a shit. But I cared about their safety always. And it was this thing I could not let go of. And the biggest fear I have, the biggest fear I have, and that's why I'm trying so hard to work at this now. And sometimes it's fucking exhausting when I'm trying so hard, is I don't want that anxiety to come back, and then I put it on my daughters. Cause I don't want them, I don't wanna be their 18, 19, wanna live their life, and dads here texting them, and they don't write back, and I'm thinking who has my daughter? So I worry about that. That's the first fear I had when I held my oldest daughter, who's, you know love of my life I've held her and I was like what am I going to what's going to happen when she goes outside. Which I know you got to stay in the present you can't worry about that but sometimes it it hurts me. How did you get over this every day crippling anxiety to the point you thought you were going to kill yourself? How did you get past that? So what happened was is is I the only advice that I I did get from all a friend of mine who's my kid's godfather now, was like, you are so much better basketball player, [46:06] which is that's what I cared about back then. You are such a better basketball player when you're single. When you don't have a girlfriend, you are such a better basketball player. And that's what you need to do. So the only way at that time I could overcome it is to be single and to not connect to a girl in any way, shape, or form. Because then if I was single, I wasn't worried as much. Because my mom always would text me back, or if I call her, she was always pretty much home. I very rarely dealt with instances where my mother was not responding. Because my mom, she is thinking about me all the time with these girls, right Philly So would be like, I'm not gonna sit here and respond to this behavior, like he's nuts and I was. And so that's the only way I could get over it. Now, how I deal with it, like now my girl's out picking up my kids from school while we're doing the show, I just have a feeling what I think about now is, [47:01] if something was to happen, I can handle it. I'll be able to, I'll be okay. It's gonna hurt, but I'll be okay. I've had enough life experiences where things hurt, but you'll be comfort, you can get through it. And I try as best I can to tell myself, hey, your brain is a defense mechanism is always gonna give you worst case scenario for survival. So just know that that worst case scenario is statistically the least likely thing is gonna happen. And if God forbid it does happen, you'll be able to deal with it, you can handle it. Where I think the anxiety for me the last time came, I don't know what to do. I don't have the tools to help me. If something horrible happens. So life experience, therapy, all the things. Yeah, but it's interesting what you said to me about therapy is I felt that way myself. I was like, you know, sometimes I feel like I have, we all have issues, but I'm like sometimes I'm just like bitching to my therapist and I'm forcing myself to talk about these things that I feel like I have a better handle over from like my own kind of, you know, meditation and just, you know, thinking, you know, like seeking out help from myself, listening to people speak, having life experience. I'm like, I like my therapist, but I'm like, [48:06] I don't know, man, sometimes it's like, you don't wanna be the guy that's like, I don't need help, because I get it. But I'm like, yeah, I didn't need this today. I feel like you made me nervous again now. I didn't need this at all today. I was okay today, but it's Tuesday 1115, so that's our session. That's what Abigail Shryer was saying. I had her on and she had written a book about therapy and kids and that obsessing about problems sometimes can exacerbate the problem, make them worse. So instead of just like allowing that problem to sort of go away and naturally recover from it, now you just rehash it over and over and over and over. And then it comes, it comes, and over and over and that's no good. It comes a thing that you're concentrating on all the time and that you're not developing the ability to be resilient and resilience comes from a lot of things. You know, a lot of things like if you have bad things happening in your life, you can develop anxiety, but also when bad things happen in your life and you recover from them, [49:01] you realize you can recover from bad things. Yeah, that's how I feel now. I feel like I'll just, you know, I've been through it. I'm like, I'm not scared of anesthesia anymore. It used to be that guy that scared of anesthesia because I had to get a colonoscopy because I took a shit that looked like I had some blood in it. And it turned out it was just a bunch of boys and berries,, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was I feel a pain in my chest, my stomach, you know, whatever. Like I had gas once in my stomach and I had shows in England and I got, I literally went from literal gas pain because you were eating all this British food, just a minor gas pain that was gonna go away in 10 minutes to brain exacerbated it into potential appendicitis. [50:01] I'm across the ocean. So now I have three more shows left. So what I'm gonna have to do is figure out a way to get home preemptively. So what I'm going to do is I called the venue. I said I have an emergency. They said, what's the emergency? I said, my stepmom died, which wasn't true. And I got on a flight. No, you did it. I swear to God. And I got on a flight didn't tell the other people on the show, God on a flight and God home, because when I landed back at JFK, my stomach pain went away. And it was all in my head to begin with, because what I was saying was at that time was I'm gonna get my appendix removed over here. I might die in the hospital. I don't know how I react to anesthesia. But now, but now that wouldn't happen. Now what I would say, if I got to pen the site is feeling right now in the show what I'd say was, well, if that's gonna be the case, you'll deal with it. You know what anesthesia feels like. You won't know about it anyway. We have enough modern medicine here where, if this thing got really bad and this was like, you're gonna die, you have enough medicine here where you can make this as painless as possible. Are you the headliner of these shows? [51:05] Yes. Oh my God. They weren't selling, but still. She's the first. You know, I wasn't selling anything, but I still was the headliner. I let people down, and you know, and I had to apologize to my stepmom and I said she died. The other people were with you. Did they fly over there to do those shows too? No, they were from the UK, but I missed, all I ever wanted to do was see the beach in the UK. I've always been obsessed with like, I wanted to see the water in England, and that's what the day I left, they had a beach day. And I left, because I was like, I have stomach pains and I flew away, because my brain would get the best of me, but now I'm different. Now I'm say, well, don't know how to handle that. I know my brain thinks so different than yours, but it's hard for me to But isn't it interesting then we can both but both of our outlets are comedy even though our brains are different because it's a really Defend my I do comedy because it's a defense mechanism. I I that's why I do it [52:03] It's an art form to discipline. I like it. It's an art form. It's a discipline. I like it because it's interesting and it's fun. I like it because it makes people laugh and it makes it's excites my brain to come up with new stuff to talk about. But when you were young, but when you were young in like Jamaica planes and doing those things, would your defense thing to, would you always try to make people laugh from a defensive point of view. See, I was thinking. No, but if you talked to like my friends from high school, they wouldn't have told you I was funny. They thought it was a psycho. Got it. I'd gotten obsessed with martial arts when I got to high school, and that's all I cared about. That's all I wanted to do. And back then, I just was a drawer. I was an illustrator I did a lot of comic books. Left handed? Right handed. You know what me and many people are good drawings, who are left handed, who are right handed? Really? Most of my lefties. Well, lefties are really good at a lot of things. Yeah. I think lefties learn things easier. I don't know how easier, but they seem to be better at learning things. I mean, this is a gross exaggeration. There's a lot of left These are really good at boxing. Some of the hardest sparring rounds I ever had to do [53:05] were with left-handed guys. It's a different angle. You're looking at things totally different. You're open for stuff that you're not, like you're open for a straight left. The right jab comes from a different place. It's harder to manage. It's weird. Your brain gets used to a guy with a left hand in front and you're standing and you're moving around with them. As soon as the right hand's in front, you're like, oh shit, it throws everything off. They're really good at pool. A lot of like world champions are left handed. Like some of the best players in the world are left handed. Not all of them, a lot of really good right handers too, but there's something about left handed people that they seem to excel at stuff. I've never played pool once in my life. Good, don't do it. You think I should, is it? It's like golf. Don't get it. Oh, golf either. If you get into it, the problem is, it's the problem with pools, if you get into it, it's so engrossing. It just takes over your mind. Everything. It's like, it's so difficult to do. People don't understand to play really good pool. Requires this insane level of concentration. [54:06] It's sort of like a meditation. You're thinking about so many things. You're thinking about the exact amount of revolutions you're putting on the ball, the angle that ball's gonna come off. What is gonna come off with spin? Are you gonna put checkspin on it? So it shortens the angle? Or are you gonna put running English on it? So it lengthens the angle or you're gonna put running English on it so it lengthens the angle. You're gonna hit it soft or hard. Where do you want to get for the next shot? And then where do you go? Want to get for the shot after that? Which is you have to play three balls in advance. Oh my God. I'm out already. Yeah, and it's all this geometry and you have to understand angles and collisions and... What about chess? Feeling that's another one. Like I'm scared to do it. I remember when Howard Stern got really into chess. I was listening to the show and he was taking chess lessons and all these different things. I was like, oh, that's one of those things like in Boston. One of the things that I noticed is the guys who were really into golf, their career suffered because they weren't really thinking about comedy. They were thinking about playing. They wanted to play golf. [55:01] Comedy was like their job that they would do so they would have money and during the day they would play golf and golf had become their thing. That's interesting because I thought you were going to say it feels like the guys who I know who play golf have bigger careers because they're making these connections with people on the golf course and getting these things. Well that could happen too. I mean that's certainly a business thing. Golf is a great business game. If you're into business, you almost have to play golf. This guy's like to do deals and talk about things on the course. You get to know a person on the golf course. Just like you get to know a person playing pool. You get to know how they can handle pressure. What kind of a person they are. Brian Callan famously told me this story, where his mom was watching this guy that his dad was going to do business with PlayGolf and they got cheated at golf. He moved the ball and she goes, don't do any business with him. He cheats, remove that ball. He moved, he's a liar. Like she was right. Yeah, she was right. But there's a thing that you can see when a person plays pool or plays golf, [56:02] you see their character. Yeah, that's like my father has a rule. If you're a fan, if you're grew up in a city and you're not a fan of that team, you're a fan of a team from another city, he doesn't trust you. And he never will. He just won't, and it has nothing to do with his team. That makes sense. He just says, what kind of traitor of a person are you, that you wanna live around people who hate you because of your fan choice. Unless he said the only caveat to that is if their father was from Pittsburgh, and your a dire at Steelers' Fan, you moved to New York, I get that. But if you're just, you're the guy that just wants to go against the grain, his advice is no thank you. I want nothing to do with it. Which that's pretty good advice. Yes. That's a pretty good rule to live by. Sure. That's like someone who's in your tribe that secretly wants to be in another tribe. Yeah. The only thing me and my father disagree on is like right now I'm wearing a match shirt, right? And the only reason I'm wearing this is because I'm gonna be honest with you. I jerked off today. I was coming in a little heavy. I was a little anxious, whatever it happens. And then I kind of just let it sit there on me. [57:07] And I got up and the shirt that I had was at the edge of my bed that I was gonna wear. And I got up and it just leaked, fell onto the shirt. So I was like, this is the only shirt I have. So I threw in a med shirt, knowing that some of my friends back home are gonna be like, you're a fucking meds fan now? I thought you were a Yankees fan. And I'll thumb as that, cause they're both from New York. That's my thing. For me, it's, I'm New York. I read from New York. But from New York. People who use Android phones. Yes. But you're a rebel. Yes. It's true. It's true. Bronx, Diane Yankees, but Metz fan, the owner of the team, Steve Cohen, right? He's, you know, big owner, you know, whatever. Really nice guy. I did in the pandemic. I did his 60th birthday party. Oh, no. Private party, right? In a room like this. Did it suck? Here's what happened. So. This sucks. Pff I can't wait for this video. [58:08] Okay, so here's what happened. All right, so. So, all right, I get a call, right? You're gonna do this show. What happened was, I talk, my, Jasmine, my family's Puerto Rican my kids are Puerto Rican I have material about having this Puerto Rican family, right? Steve's wife is Puerto Rican, okay? They have a 60th birthday party and What I thought the birthday party was gonna be was him and his family. I'll do my Puerto Rican jokes You know the wife will like it, you know, whatever. It's 20 minutes, great money, it's cool opportunity, do it. It's a challenge, right? It's the pandemic not much going on. They rented out this restaurant, nobody's supposed to know about it. It's like in the back room thing. So I go. So I get there and it's him and his 10 friends. [59:02] All guys, just all guys sitting at a table like this having dinner, they do not know comedy's supposed to happen. The wife thought it'd be a good idea to get a comedian in there for his 60th birthday that she wasn't invited to, because this was a guy's thing. And so a 60 year old billionaire doesn't know who the fuck I am. If you're gonna have comedy, have Jerry Seinfeldinfeld have Joe Rogan have somebody that they know They have no idea so the the guy who you know was like Steve's assistant who the you know has to answer to his wife I think his name was Ned. He goes. Um, are you the comedian? I was like, yeah, he goes all right He goes up. What's your name again? And I was like it's's Chris DeSephano. I thought like Mrs. Cohen knew me. She was like, yeah, she's not here. Like that's, it's all guys in there. I said, well, you know, do you not want me to do it? He goes, no, she already paid you. Like I, you have to do it. So I was like, okay. So I no microphone, there's no lights. He goes, we were thinking, he goes, [1:00:05] he goes, they just got served their enthrase. So we were thinking you can just stand in the front of the table and do a few minutes. So I was like, you know that this is going to be, this is a nightmare. And he was like, it doesn't feel like they're going to like you. So. Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm so mad. My hands are sweating so. So, Ned, Ned goes, listen, they just got the on trays. Just go out there. And so I swear, I'm not, I swear to God. I told him my name three times. He goes, he goes, all right, Steve, you know, your wife had a nice little surprise for you. We got a comedian, we got a fun comedian, and he goes, and he goes, so here he is, and he goes, Chris, Chris, and then one of the guys went, Chris Rock, is it Chris Rock? And then he goes, no, it's not Chris Rock, it's Chris. [1:01:01] What's your last name, kid? And I was like, uh, a de Stefano. And then as I'm walking in, somebody goes, who the fuck is that? And so I walk in and I get up there right away and I was like, hey guys, I know this is probably not what you wanted. I can leave right now, but I have, you know, if you want me to do some jokes, like, you know, I'll do them right now. And then one guy was like, yeah, do it. He goes, but make it quick. So I was like, okay, this is good. So I go out there and Joe, I am fucking bombing. Like you can't imagine. Like a full zero. All you hear is knives and forks hitting the plate, people chewing at some point. I don't know who threw it. A shrimp bounced off my chest. Somebody hit me with a shrimp and they're dying in the back of the table. Tommy Matolla was there, who the famous record producer and was married to Mariah Carey. So I go, I go, Mr. Matolla, I'm a big fan of your ex-wife. [1:02:02] I love their work. He goes, yeah, I bet you're a big fan of cock too. Big laugh, you know, like I'm like, oh my God. So then finally, the only person laughing. I'm told, don't you get the biggest laugh of the room? Crushed. You know, the only person laughing is Steve Sun, who's 30 years old, who's become a friend of mine, Josh, great guy. He's laughing in the corner not at my material just because he's like this because he knew my podcast. He was like, oh my god This is crazy So then Steve Steve finally goes he goes listen to me He stops he goes he goes I'm doing a job. He wasn't very nice. He goes, okay He goes uh what did my wife tell you and I said well, I'm you know mr. Cohen she told me just come out here birthday gift for you You know do 15 minutes and, you know, like just, you know, just do the best I can. And she thought you'd like me because I talk about the Puerto Rican kids and all that. He goes, yeah, yeah, that's, I'm not Puerto Rican though. I was like, no, I know, I know. And he goes, how about I did the David Letterman show a few years ago. [1:03:05] He goes, oh, I know, I know David Letterman. I said, yeah, he said, uh, he said, why don't you do that? How about, and he goes, do that. Do those five best. He goes, I'm gonna tell my guys to listen. Do those five best. He goes, if you can get me to laugh in those five minutes, I I'll double whatever my wife gave you goes did you get it already she she I said yeah I think she wanted to my agent goes I'll double it whatever it is I don't even know what the number is all times to give me your best five so I just like planted my feet And I just to the wall didn't even look at anybody just did my exact David Letterman set Which is about being on the subway. I just came back from England like shit from 10 years ago But I had it and I did it and they started to laugh and sure shit, that's what he did. He doubled the money, turned out to be a big thing. For me, and then what happened was, is I had to sign all these NDAs, not to talk about anything. But you just talked about it. Well, here's the thing. [1:04:00] I... I thought I'd to sign NDAs because it was during COVID times and they were like renting out a restaurant which like you really couldn't do back then. So I was like, just don't mention that. And I was like, and I thought it was really more for like you know They don't want reporters showing up to the actual event and then getting in trouble But it's like the next day who cares? So I do my podcast the next day hey babe with San Volcano and I I start to show a dude I fucking ate it last night Here's the story right going crazy that episode comes out the next day We filmed it in the morning it came out that night so the next morning so two days removed from the Cohen gig I wake up. I have 20 miss calls from my manager my agent lawyer. I Wake up. I'm like what the fuck happened? So my manager gets on the phone He goes take down that episode dude take it down. I said what he goes you broke you violated the NDA [1:05:06] You just said all these things about the Cohen gig you can't do that his lawyers are saying you're gonna get sued right now And they're gonna take you to court and they will not lose what and and then so I I just hung up the phone on him I was like I need a second and I just hung up I said what the fuck do I do because I'm like I'm not taking that shit down. I, you know, it's comedy, whatever. And then so I'm like, let me calm down. Let me calm down. So I scrolling on Instagram, right? This is what we do. Baseline scrolling on Instagram, like a fucking crocodile. I'm scrolling and I see DMs from Steve's wife, Steve's daughter, Steve's son. And I'm, hearts like this now, I'm like, oh, maybe I am fucked, cause like now the family themselves, it was all, I can't believe you talked about it, hey babe, we loved it. That's amazing, my dad's dying laughing. Come to a Met's game, throw out the first pitch. The mom being like, I wanna meet your wife. [1:06:02] Oh my God, thanks for mentioning that. And I'm like, wait, what the fuck? So I call my manager and I'm like, I have messages from the family saying that it's okay. And then he's like, all right, hold on. And then he calls, he says, send me those messages. I sent in the messages. And then within five minutes, lawyers backed off. Because all the Steve didn't tell them to do that. The that the legal team was just like, that's a violation. I don't even check what Steve you fucked up. And then it went away like that. And then the family now has become like friends of mine. It's like really, Cohen family owns the mess are like awesome amazing people. It's like, it's almost, even though it's a big majorly baseball team, it's like when you go to the game, it's like, Josh, you don't even take a dude, come walking the back door, walking with us like so cool. And now and then Steve goes, I'm going to let you redeem yourself. And the baseball season goes, I'm going to let you redeem yourself. Okay. I was just at the game and he goes, here's what we'll do. He goes, it looks like rain. He was like, if there's a rain delay, I'm going to give you the mic. [1:07:00] I'm going to put you on the jumbo, try and you do five minutes. I'm gonna put you on the jumbo tron and you do five minutes. I said, you want me to do five minutes to cold wet meps fans that are angry about the team not playing. He was like, do you want to redeem yourself or not? And I was like, I'll do it. So, so we have, I think it's on my Instagram somewhere. So we have, I'm wearing the on my Instagram somewhere. Oh my god. So we have, I'm wearing the Worshirt, like a floral printed stupid shirt. My friends, I was sitting in the owner suite, right? My friends, or diehard meds fans, they were sitting in the stands for this. They didn't know this was happening. So Ray and Delay comes, they have the meds announcer, again, who messes out my name, call me Chris Destalopoulos. I'll never forget that. She goes, Chris Destalopoulos. She goes, I was gonna do a few minutes of comedy for you. So, and then the camera's just on me. And I don't even have a mic. You know, one of those mics that you pinned to your shirt. So I had that. So I was like doing that bit where I was like, andifically bobbing. Oh, yeah. [1:08:06] Oh, my God. So I'm, oh, my God. Bobbing in front of, you know, 30,000 where when I got Steve Cohen by the way and his friends are dying, dying laughing because they knew that that was going to happen. And then Steve goes, he goes, you're right, man. You're good. You're right. And I was like, and then I got all these texts and my friends, my boy Pat was like, dude, I was in the stands for that. Like, you know, a huddle dunder. He goes, you were bombing. He goes, I heard multiple people say they said there was a little kid started to cry It was horrific and he goes and you're sure fucking sucked and I was like and so So it was one of those moments, but I say all that to say that's why we're the match shirt I'm New York first and the Cohen family is awesome and the metter awesome and and [1:09:04] Yeah, it was it was like one of those things where a good thing turned a bad thing turned to a good thing No, it's hilarious dude. It's it was dude bombing like Joe The one in city field was worse. I mean that was worse because not only like I was in the control room When did you how but between knowing you were gonna have to do it and doing it? How much time was it? Less than five minutes. Oh my god. Jamie is there a way if you could like Christus Stefano Metz game bombing Flower shirt. I put it on my Instagram. I don't know if you can be able to find it But oh my god my abs, but dude it was it was And you know, it was the worst part is I was sitting in the in the control room. That's where they have me go live from. And I was bombing for the people in the control room. They were just like looking at me and then they were still doing the thing. Like, when are we back from rain delay? I was like doing a bit, like, you know, like, doing like a clean bit and they were like, what, what it was in? middle of my bit and the guy was like, buddy, shh. I'm listening to the MLB. [1:10:06] And I was like, oh my God, and I fucking ate it. But, but they were, but you know, they were pretty nice to me. They've been pretty nice to me. But it was, it was bad. And my friend Josh tells me, he goes, yeah dude, like I, you've ate, you've eaten it as bad as you can eat it. Wow. Then they had me come out for a fundraiser. This was like in a comedy club. I fucking bombed that. And I was just like in a comedy club? Not a comedy club, it was like a, it was the Paramount theater. It was like a fundraiser. But I had come out, that classic thing, where the one comic they have that nobody knows about comes out and I came out right after the video of the fundraiser for the kids with cancer and the mom and dad who lost their child to cancer and then I have to come out and Just be like let's forget about that and do this and so and then they had these polar bears on stage that were like raffle [1:11:00] Doftor like a thousand dollar stuffed animal polar bears for pitalonzo They call them the polar bears the best player on the Metz and I didn't know that so I was bombing so hard for the thing I just started throwing these polar bears into the crowd just to be funny And they were like that was five thousand dollars worth of raffle gifts You just threw into the crowd now and I was like um Sorry, I don't know what to do and then they were like well I, I don't know, like you might have to pay for that. Like his, you know, and then I was like, all right, I mean, I guess if I have to do it, I'm sorry. And then again, his dad was like, I fuck it dude, it's polar bears. Just let him keep it. But he was like, he was like, that might have been the worst one of all three. I was like, thanks. Oh boy. They notice some gigs. I do now. Now I do. Yeah, you can't do that. Now I do. You can't do either one of those three things. You can't go on after a video about kids with cancer. You can't go on during a rain delay when people don't know a comedian's coming and you're talking into this thing and then they're in or you can't do that. You can't do a guy's birthday party with all of a billionaires, birthday party with no Mike. They don't know you're coming, [1:12:05] they don't know who you are. You can't do either of those things. I wouldn't now, but back then, I mean, it was... How long ago was this? The pandemic, so it's like 2021. Like where I'll start open up a little bit. So that's three years. And now, and how about this? Now now because I've, you know, this is what I don't like. Now, you know, because I'm, I just like the math. I like New York, but because I've talked about the math and what the math's games, the Yankees people used to give me tickets, won't give me tickets to the game anymore. They said, you're either with them or us. So I was like, that's kind of a dickish move. Wow. You won You know, they won't give you tickets anymore. They say you're either with them or us. Yeah, I used to be like, my thing is what I've always cared about is like, I want to be, I love New York, right? I want to be the New York, like a Colin Quinn. That's a, I look up to Colin. He's the New York comic, David Tell. These are the guys, right? So that's the aspiration. So like going to the sporting means everything to me. I mean, I wanna sell out Milwaukee too, but it's not, if it happens. This is it? [1:13:05] Okay. No, no, that's not it. That's just me being an asshole. That wasn't it. Go back to, this must have been 21 or 22. I'm sorry, if you have someone. So you'll find it. Yeah. It's me on the jumbo. It's like, I'm on it'll look like a real ass hole. But yeah, they won't, you know, like. That's crazy with the Yankees. They won't do it. It doesn't make any sense. They won't do it. That's silly. But so whatever, I just deal with it. I still roof it up. They're not even the same league. Oh, yeah, it's dumb. It's dumb. One's, because, you know, you just deal with it, but what's the beautiful thing about comedy is, you know, when you put out the comedy work or the podcast is the players, the actual Yankee players, Anthony Rizzo, these guys, they've reached out and been like, oh, I like that bit. So they're like, text me if you want tickets. So that's good now anymore for the Yankees. For the Metz, the Metz were like, dude, [1:14:07] we'll give you fucking dirt from the field, whatever you want. So I kinda, you know, you go to where you're wanted, right? That's just a normal life thing. Sure. Go where you're wanted. Yeah, Metz, people are rebels. Rebels do Mets outside of New York. No, people think like the Metties. Like if you think about New York, baseball, Yankees. That's what everybody thinks outside of New York. But in New York is the only place where people care about the Mets. And you know what? The Mets, I would say, the Mets fanbase is a more rabid fanbase than the Yankees. Right. The Mets, the M meds are they will follow you anywhere like the Chicago like Chicago the Cubs everybody loves the Cubs even though they they couldn't win everybody still love the Cubs yeah everyone loves the Cubs this edible sitting make by the way Chicago is a white socks too though right the white socks but they're kind of in the in the [1:15:00] in the not good part of town supposedly and the White Sox fans, like the Cubs, it's the Cubs are the Yankees in that city. And are the White Sox the Mets? The White Sox would be the Mets. Yeah. So it's kinda like, it's kinda that thing. Oh, a whole lot of cities have two teams. How many cities have two teams? In baseball, well the Dodgers and the Angels, but the angels are so far outside, but that's one. Anaheim, right? Yeah. New York and Chicago, that's really all I can think of. And same with basketball, like, you know, like nobody really cares about the Brooklyn nets. It's all about the nicks. But LA is just the Dodgers. Like Anaheim is a different spot. Right. That's almost like San Diego. Yeah, it's far. Yeah, it's far. San Diego's got teams here though. That they do. The Padres, baby. The San Diego Fathers. I mean, San Diego's fucked now though. I thought San Diego- My friends who used to live there say it's fucked. They went back. It's fucking tense everywhere. Chaos. Really? Because I thought they were like the American Freedom first type Southern- Southern California city. Well Well, there's a lot of military there. I mean, that's the base of that. You know, maybe seals, right? [1:16:06] Yeah, there's a lot of bases there. We did UFC down there, because it was always a place where there was, there's military bases, a lot of military, but then there's always fucking weirdos, you know, like Southern California, you know, and there's more of them than there are the military people yeah i i and they vote in shady politicians and i know and they let tense and all that shit happen how about a sandiego now uh... i think my buddy just got back there i mean he he said it was fucking awful did you have to have the ten cents that's not some of their and he bailed they they realized like during the pandemic where the fuck out of my fucking feet are numb now. From what? The edible, dude. I'm telling you, I can't. It just hits me. It's, I don't know if it's, if it's what it is, but it's my feet are numb and. Don't think about it. Do you think about yourself a lot? Which is selfish and narcissistic and I don't like it about myself. You just, can you just stop doing it while it's happening? [1:17:06] Or is it just, does it overcome you? Do you, but that's why I was thinking that maybe you needed another thing to think about. Like another thing that you're into. Like a thing that's like totally non-career related. Like a, like, you know, like painting or cooking. Something, yeah, yeah, yeah, something. Yeah, somewhere we really get into that thing. We think about that thing and like being better at that thing. What about playing basketball again? Sure. That's a great one. That's also a good one too, because it's physical. Yeah. And I think the things that you get into that are physical require even more, because it requires not just thinking, but it requires like execution. There's like a physical thing that you have to do. Yeah, I was gonna do boxing a few years ago and then the very first day I was there, a guy got into the ring and sparred and he was kind of being really like, you know, macho guy and he was like, I'm not wearing a cup and the trainer was like, we should you know, we should wear a cup. [1:18:01] He was like, I'm not doing it. I'm not wearing a cup. I'm not wearing an egg. He got hit in the nuts and his testicle came out of the scrotum. So that was my first 20 minutes there. So I was like, I'm probably not going to do this, even though I know that that's not most likely going to happen to me, because I would wear the cup. But I do that thing just because you just, you know, it just gives you, it makes you uncomfortable. But that's what happened to me. Yeah. But I do wanna, I do, I do envy. I do feel like I don't, I should know about MMA because not only is it such a cool sport, you can defend yourself. Also in the comedy community, it's big. I mean, the only fight I ever went to was a, the PFL fight that, that, that league at the theater at Madison Square Garden and the fans, they were, you know, I had never been, I don't know anything about MMA. It was a lot of recognition from the pods because they were like, it's all one community. And so I was like, this could be my golf. [1:19:00] This should be my golf. This is what you should get into, not comparing that. I mean, I'll be very good for your anxiety though, for sure. Because it's very difficult. So it makes the rest of the day a lot easier. Because when I tried one jujitsu class and I felt like I don't even know how I don't blow out my knee. It's a statistical impossibility. I won't blow out my knee. I'm gonna, of course, this guy's gonna fall me and I'm gonna blow out my knee. But do you just deal with that and say, I'll get over that? Or you just learn ways to not blow out your knee? Well, I've had my knee blown out. I've had three knee operations. So I'm just gonna have to accept that if I wanna move forward to MMA, you're doesn't happen as often. There's a lot of stuff you could do to mitigate that. Also, just roll cautiously and be smart about it and don't roll crazy people. You see wild people that are just way too aggressive and explosive and just do it in a haphazard way. Don't fuck with those people. So you, because it's become second nature [1:20:02] to you how to do these things, but someone like me who has a bit of fear just from being older and not doing it, like my father learned how to drive when he was 45, so he's just a terrible driver and can't drive. Even though he's not scared of life stuff, he's gone to fist fight stuff, but he's like, I can't drive. I learned how to drive when I was 17, I'll drive with one arm, I'm in control. So I feel like that way with MMA. It's like, now I've developed all these bad things that can, you know, you think, and I'm like, I can't do this. I can't even get into this. The thing about MMA, if you want to get involved in that, and it's the same thing as if boxing. The thing is getting hit. And getting hit is not a small thing. It's a big thing. And it's a bigger thing than people want to pretend it is. Getting hit in the head is really bad. And you're going to get hit in the head. And you're going to get hit in the head quite a bit in the beginning because you're not good. And people, especially if someone is sparring you and it gets aggressive, and you're going to get hurt. And that's just fact. That's just if you, especially if you're sparring. Now if you're just learning skills, you can just learn skills with people. If you have a really good place that they can show you how to hit myths, you can hit [1:21:08] the bag, you get a great workout, and you don't actually spar. Or if you do spar, you spar with an instructor who's going to be very gentle. So they're just going to be touching you. They're just going to be tapping you and explaining that you don't have to hit hard. You just have to use technique. When you hit hard, hit the back. You're not a professional, you're not thinking about taking on fights. There's no reason for you to get busted up. Let's just work on your skills. Got it. So in some ways then, it's like my fear of getting over anesthesia when I got the colonoscopy. You just gotta get hit a little bit and you'll get over the fear. You'll understand you a little hard. Like it's guys hitting hard. Then you start hitting each other hard. And next thing you know you're fighting. That happens all the time. That is all the time. So sparring oftentimes turns into like a real fight. Yes, I have big gloves and pads on. And I've only ever been in two fist fights my whole life, my first fist fight, I punched this kid, glend in the face thinking I'm gonna knock him off his bicycle and I'll win and he didn't even move a muscle [1:22:07] and then he beat the shit out of me. And then the second fight I got into was just like a bar brawl and I got hit but I got hit like in the back shoulder. Wasn't too bad and then I just kind of, I never really got beat up. Hard, like you know, like, I know. But it's not necessary. You don't have to get beat up. But just learning how to defend yourself would just help for sure, help anxiety. And it's like, for a lot of people, it's like meditation. It's like medication, in fact, for a lot of people. And Jiu Jitsu is a really good one because there's a possibility of you getting injured with any combat sport. It's possibly if you get an injured. But, Jiu Jitsu, at least you're not getting hit. Jiu Jitsu is clenching and chokeholds and arm bars and leg locks and stuff, but you can learn those things. If you do it with a good school that has a good ethic about them, you could do it pretty safely. Yeah, because I'm a person, we talk about it, we get excited about it, but sometimes I don't put these things in a practice, even though I know stand-up is you're doing a different, we're doing difficult things here, but other things I'm like, [1:23:08] like for example, when I, you know, in the middle of the pandemic or whatever, 2022, some time around there, I got nervous about, I got a, I don't know how to fight, I got to defend my house, and there was at times talks of, to some type of what if a nuclear bomb went off here because things are getting tight with Russia before they invaded Ukraine. So I came home one day with a night vision goggles, a 30 day supply of powdered fetishine Alfredo and a gun. And I don't know how to use the gun. I and I had dying tablets. And so I did all these things. And then I was like, well now what, my family was laughing at me like, what is any of this stuff gonna do? You can't do any of this shit. And I was like, you're right. And I kind of just made a decision, but I don't put things into practice. So I wanna make a choice to say, if you're gonna talk about it, then do it. Go do MMA, go try it. Is there a place that you could go to that you know about? [1:24:00] Well, there's that grace. I live 15 minutes from Midtown and that the place that Anthony Bourdain was always in though. Pencil grace? Yes. The main headquarters right there. Great place. And I always see guys walking in and out of there. Yeah. Go there. Dripping sweat. You're close to that? 15 minutes. Go there. That's the spot. Go there. Go take classes. Yeah. And it's good for your brain. The thing about it is it's really good for your head because it's so difficult that it makes, it really does make the rest of life's difficulties easier. That's a good idea. It's a safe, controlled, difficult. There's like if a guy gets you in a choke hold and you're trying to fight out of it, you can't, you can tap. And then you go right back to training again. And I won't be made fun of that. I'm third of all. Like an old, no, they encourage you. They're welcome, you know. Yeah, a lot of people get into it and they're 40. Bourdain didn't even start until he was in his 50s. What? Yeah. Like Bourdain was like 62 when he died, I think he got in on a jujitsu when he was 58 [1:25:08] Yeah, damn so When I did his show I did one of the episodes of his show we went Fezin hunting in Montana together So flew to Montana and Bourdain and I and he's talking about dars jokes and like we're in the middle, we're all they're fesin' hunting. And then I go, do you know how to do a Japanese necktie? He goes, what's that? And I go, when you go in for the dars, sometimes you can't get the dars, but you can get the Japanese necktie. Let me show you. So we're on the ground that's the dars. I go butt from here, I'm gonna tuck your head into my chest and I'm just gonna roll on my right shoulder. And he's like, ah! I go, yeah, that's fucked, right? Wow. I roll on my left shoulder. I go, that's the Japanese necktie. So I'm explaining him the Japanese necktie on the ground while the camera crew is there and shit. And I and I'm like, go ahead, try it on me now. He's got his friend Josh, his Josh is doing jujitsu too, he's like, get in here. [1:26:06] So he did it here, now from here. So this is a, Josh is a big guy. I was like, it's hard to get this through, right? But you don't have to get this through. Once you get this clamp, I just want you to tuck that head and then roll on this shoulder and they're like, Dirt and Montana, that's how into it what he was. Did they all care about? They showed out. No, they didn't. That'd be sick. It was just us shooting birds and eating them. It was really fun. It was a really fun experience. He was a fucking fascinating guy. When I watched, I always watched if it's on the plane though, his documentary Road Runner that they made, I think about this, you know, when you get a little older, even on a Super-O, but you start to think like, hey, are my best years behind me? Like, what, you know, what is life? What's the next things? And I heard him say he was like, you know, when he only became famous or like people knew his name and read his book when he was 43 years old. He said, so I was sitting there 42 years old, thinking, whatever, all my fun, all my drug days, [1:27:06] all my wild, it's all over. I'm in the back half of my life now, and this is what life's gonna be. He goes and I didn't realize that it was gonna be the next 20 years of my life that would be me, be like the best years of my life. And I never heard someone talk about it that way, where it was like, I know we know that you now don't know what tomorrow holds or our whole lives can change in an instant, but sometimes I can't help but feel like, oh, I'm coming into my 40s now, but when I heard board day, I was like, oh, that's a very hopeful thing. There's no road map for everybody. Yeah. And sometimes the more interesting people are the people that lived their entire lives never thinking they were gonna be famous. And then became famous. Like Jordan Peterson is a great example that, he was a professor, just like it was opposed to this bill that would cause people to have to be forced mandated to use a bunch of made up gender pronouns. [1:28:00] And he's like, this is crazy. Like you can't allow this. This is just gonna spiral Yeah, I'm just gonna snowball into something else say becomes famous in his forties Which is a very difficult thing for people to deal with almost impossible It's possible Morgan Freeman is the only other one Rodney Dangerfield are the only other two big names that I know Ronnie's a big one right. Yeah, Ronnie was a Luminum siding salesman you know wild. Yeah, and you never stopped writing apparently. It was always writing jokes during that time, but he'd quit doing comedy and just went back to regular life and then said, fuck it, I'm going back in. And like back to school and all those movies. I mean, Friday was huge. It's crazy that like how many people who are like that out there that could have made it and just didn't just stopped or got whatever demons they had got the best of them, which is a lot of us. You mean, there's a lot of guys out there that have demons, and their demon might be cocaine, their dealing alcohol, gambling, whatever it is. There's like a demon that gets people. And just gets you. And it's also timing and right place, right time. I didn't know this about sports, but like, you know, like the same way, like we know funny, funny, funny people [1:29:07] that just never really made it for whatever reason. It actually happens in sports too. I thought sports being objective was being like, oh, the best player will get discovered, but it's like, no, you got to have the right connections. You got to play in the right tournaments to get noticed by the professional teams. And there's, there's, there's a guy out there who would have been as good as you know The Michael Jordan and the Kobe's of the world, but he just never made it. He never got in front of the right people It's also a discipline thing Like sometimes sometimes people are very very talented right and they really could be amazing But they just because talent sometimes can fuck you Because if you're really talented, you don't have to work as hard. If you're better than everybody else, you can kind of half-ass things. And you can get through things without even training. Like John Jones is so talented. He defended his title against Alexander Gustafson who was like one of the best guys ever in the Light Heavyweight Division and didn't even train for it. Didn't even train for it. And what? And it was the hardest fight of his career because he was getting beat up in the first few rounds and he pulled it off in the last two rounds. [1:30:06] That's where when he won the decision. It was a crazy fight. First time he's ever been taken down. I mean, he got busted up, got a big cut over his eyes. I was swollen up, but he's so talented that he's able to beat one of the best guys in the division without even training. Then he has a rematch for them later where he says, now I'm in a fucking train and he just annihilates him. Yeah, it's crazy. I tell him that he's the most, he's the most talented one of people argue of all of, of all the fighters. He's very arguable. Yeah. He's certainly the most accomplished. He's beaten every single person he's ever faced except there's only one loss that he has is a disqualification in a fight that he was dominating. The gussips in fight was close though. And he had a gut, but he didn't even train. There was fighters that he was fighting where he was so much better than everybody. The way they would describe it was like he was playing with his food. He wasn't threatened by them. So he wasn't fighting to the best of his ability. So does a guy like John Jones, you think have some type of fear in the ring or do you kind of lose that when you become a guy of his level at this stuff? [1:31:08] I think you're always going to have some doubts and thoughts that enter into your head, but a guy who's that dominant knows how to dominate those thoughts, knows how to overcome them. You don't let them in. You're going to have anxiety, you're going to have nerves, but you just don't let them in. Some guys don't have nerves. Like Justin Gage, he says he doesn't get any nerves. He says it kind of freaks me out. How I get in there and I'm not even nervous. Yeah, but that's interesting, because you know, you could be killed by some of these high level guys, right? Even the best fighters, it's possible you get hit in the head the wrong crazy things that Justin says that's when he goes to fights he never plans anything for after the fight because he doesn't assume he's going to be alive. Wow. Yeah. That's pretty deep. Well, that's how he fights too. That's really how he fights. That's interesting. I kind of respect that a lot. He's a psycho. Yeah. Yeah. He's born for it. [1:32:01] Well, yeah, it's the human brain's a funny thing. I mean, I don't feel one ounce of anxiety on stage, whether I'm bombing, doing well, zero. Always been that way, zero. So it's all off stage. After the fact, before the leading up, and after is where all the anxiety hits me or really would spin me out of control and better are controlling it now, but on stage, I mean, truly zero. Like I would literally was having so much anxiety. I told you I sold my house because of radio city and then I was on stage at Radio City and not a ounce of anxiety. The unfortunate thing is I, as much as people tell me, be in the moment for these big things, slow it down, all that. I tell myself I'm doing it, but I never have any memory of it, and I never kind of take over the night. Like I did radio, city people, I was like, what'd you do after? Where was the after party? Where'd you go? I said I was in bed at 11 o'clock with my family. I was in bed. The show ended at nine. I was in bed at 11 on the night, my biggest night. And I don't know why, that's just how I am. [1:33:06] It was not the wrong with that. No. Yeah, it was not the wrong with just going on with your life. You don't have to celebrate. Right. Yeah, that's not necessarily a bad thing. Yeah, but like you've had, you know, so far, very, very, very cool life. Do you feel though at times even you have FOMO and I'm like, shit, I wish I would have did something else or you don't feel that anymore. You always that way or you got to this way after just the mounting success. No, I genuinely don't think that way. From day one. No. One thing that I used to do when I was on Fear Factor though, I would be jealous of guys that were on the road. I was like, God, I wish I could go do the road right now. I just couldn't, the schedule was so hard. It was very difficult to just do just comedy. And the guys who were just doing comedy, I would admire that. I'd go, God, I wish I could just do comedy. Because fear factor is great of a job as it was, was a job. [1:34:00] It was something I was doing just for money. I do stand up for free. I do guest spots all the time for free. Just show up and do comedy for free. You work for free. But that's how comedy is. It's fun. You don't think about it. Like we enjoy doing it. We constantly are working out. If you're working out in the city, like what are you getting for a spot? 20 bucks? Yeah, it sure. Yeah, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I to move her foot. So she got us cable television and we watched cable and they would show reruns of Oprah, the Oprah Winfrey show. My mom would just watch it. And I remember one day and it's like advice that just stuck in my head. Oprah was on, I think it was one of the first times she was on with Dr. Phil. Oprah was on and she said, you know, the thing about [1:35:02] success is real successful people is the money always comes second. It's the passion first and then the money comes second. If you reverse it and you go after the money first, you may get success, but there's a negative karmic energy attached to that money. So the only way to do it the right way is you go passion first and then the money will always come but it will come second. And I don't know, I was like in a fever mono dream and I just always remember, and I was always stayed with me my whole life. And that's why I brought up before. I was like, when I saw you kind of hammering out your set, I was like, oh shit, this is why, it's the passion is there. You couldn't pay him, not pay him. If you were at this level, not at this level, you'd be out the hour. Yeah, but that's if you have the ability to do that. Like what Oprah's saying is true, but it's easy for people to say that that have already been successful. That's like that whole secret thing. Remember the secret? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. People like you just kind of manifest things and they'll happen. Have a vision board. Sort of, if you talk to successful people, they'll tell you that they probably did that, but they probably did a lot of things right so that's one factor and people want to pretend people want to [1:36:07] excuse me people want to pretend that it's insignificant that's foolish it is a factor but the people want to pretend that it's the whole thing that's foolish as well because you can't just manifest things I remember we were at the commy store once and there was this lady that came to the store who was a friend of One of the comics and she was telling me that she is following the secret She's like I have the secret now and now I know That I'm going to be married to the person that I love and I'm gonna have an amazing career and all these different things As I go I go so you're confident in this? You're like sure, I think this was, I don't know if I had seen the movie yet, because I remember when I saw the movie, I was like, whoa, these people are out of their fucking minds. I was like, this is a lot more to it, kids, than just this. Like you can't have a lot of things you have to do. [1:37:06] Right. There's a lot of work involved. A lot of like learning. You gotta like make mistakes and recover from mistakes. You gotta like make mistakes and do better and write better stuff and perform better and get better at school. And you have to do stuff that people actually enjoy. So what do people enjoy about my work? What is it? What am I missing that other people have? There's a lot that goes on. It's not just I wanna be a rock star, I'm gonna make it happen. So this lady was telling this to me, and this was the only time I'd ever met her, but we were all hanging out in the back of the comedy store, so she was out there for a couple hours, right? So then I saw her again, like a year or two years later. I was doing a show at another club and a ran into her outside. I go, hey, how you doing? She goes, last time we talked, we talked about the secret and she goes, it's not been working. She's like, I don't understand. My father is a, like her father was like messing up her life. [1:38:03] Like he's, I don't know what was going on. And she's like, and I haven't found that relationship and my career isn't going well. And we had to, like a very brief conversation. I was like, damn. Yeah. Good to see you. Bye. Yeah, and I was leaving and I was gone. And then I remember thinking like people that thought that way that really believed. You can hear that from a successful person. I just knew I had a vision, I stuck with that vision, I made it happen. So there was a lot of people running around during these days, like the early 2000s that had this thing in their head that they could manifest a reality. Yeah, and I think it's become a popular thing, especially in this culture where it's like, be a boss, Be the best. That's not how society works. Society would crumble. You need people who don't wanna do that. You need people who are saying, I'm okay not being the boss. I'm okay not being the best. You need that. Well, also, I'm not gonna tell you like, in my own life, in doing this podcast specifically. I fucking never thought it was gonna be what it is. I never even imagined it. I didn't want it to be. I never was a thought. [1:39:06] It was never, I want this thing to be, I wanna have 15 million subscribers. I don't know. I never, never. Not one time. The whole thought was, do your best. Do, do, who do you wanna talk to? What's interesting? Have an interesting conversation. Stay in the moment. Just do your best. Well, and also I'm correct from the wrong, by the time you started your podcast, you were already successful, you're already the host, you're already kind of a household name, I'm sure financially successful, so you didn't need it for the money. You were like, I just wanna talk to my friends. Yeah, it was just doing it for fun. Cause I always wanted a radio show. I'm like, no one's gonna I'd fuck it up. Right. And then there was XM back at the time, XM wasn't given to anybody any money. They had all their money was going to Howard Stern, serious XM, whatever it is, the whole thing. I think it still is. It's a big thing. Did they still call it serious XM? Still serious XM and I've heard that it's just, it's Howard's money. Yeah, I did Howard Stern show three months ago, [1:40:06] and I thought he wasn't in the room, but the way they have that set up is you've really believed he's in the room, like almost like a hologram. They tricked you. Dude, I was talking to Howard Stern, but he was in Long Island, or wherever he was, Florida, and I was in the city. It was actually pretty crazy because, you know, it's Howard. It's like, it's a big, big, big deal. It's almost like a surreal thing. For New Yorker, of course. Yeah, it's almost like a surreal thing. We're like, this is Howard Stern, what? And they told me they're like, you're gonna go on for five minutes. So I was prepared to do that. It was, but you have to guess this guy's sexual fetish. And the guy's fetish was that he liked his nuts and dicks, taped nail to the wall. So what he was into is... Yeah, dick. Yes, dick. Nailed to the wall. Nailed to the wall with a fucking nail gun. Oh! Yeah. Yeah. It was, that was, when we had to guess it, little by little. [1:41:01] God damn. So little god damn so he even stand for that he loved it dude you have to let get you dick inside of a wall yeah yeah how do you find it out how do you get there how do you find that he's pretty good question Jenny he would stick when he was a kid when he was a kid when he would get yelled at by his mom and daddy would stick um you know safety pins he would stick safety pins through his dick and balls like as a way to cope with it all oh my god Oh my god, that's so crazy. Yeah, they see just ramp up from there. Oh my god rock hard He said by the way he was rock hard on the show when he was taping his nuts to the wall So we had to we we had to guess it we had to guess it and he was like You know, it was like this thing right they were like the producer Like, hey, he's gonna talk to you for five minutes. Just get to know you name. What do you do comedy? You know, whatever And then you're gonna get into this segment and I was like, okay, great. Bob a booey Gary, you know, it's the one who hooked it all up and I was like great dude. Five minutes. That's that's awesome Like excellent. And then so we go we're starting to talk. I don't know what I said. I said something stupid and he started to laugh. [1:42:07] And then he was like, wait a second, wait a second, wait a second. What is it? Who are you? And I was like, on the show, it was like, my name is what I do, blah, blah, blah, blah. We start, we talk for like an hour and a the end, you know, I didn't have any good guesses and then And then like 20 minutes later I get a call from a random number and I pick up and he's like, hey, it's Howard And I thought initially was one of my friends doing like an impersonation like because they knew I was on Howard He happens live and then he was like, no, it's me. It's Howard. He was like, he was like, man, that was great. He was like, you just, I don't know, like just whatever you're doing, just keep doing it. He was like, I was very engaged with that stuff, man. He was like, so good. And then I was like, okay, thanks. And then hung up and then I was like, holy shit, did that really just fucking happen from comedy? [1:43:07] And I felt really positive, I still feel really positive and great about that, but sometimes my brain can't hold on to that for too long. And then what will happen is we'll say, okay, well, let's balance it. Let's calf the guilt come in. Let's balance it and make ourselves, you know, not believe him in some way. You know what I mean? And so I hear from you a lot, you'd be able to kind of take that confidence, which is a beautiful thing, and just kind of have it make you stronger and say, I'm gonna, all right, I'm gonna keep going up, where I look for a way down from it to balance. And so I fight against that, but I'm getting close. And I do think the next time I come on this podcast, I'll be fully gay. Oh, okay. I'll be fully in. Okay. I don't think too much about myself. Right. I try to just think about life and I think about what I'm trying to do. Right. You know, whatever thing I'm trying to be good at, [1:44:01] that's how I handle it. I think dwelling too much about yourself is not. It's like every comic has a tendency towards narcissism. I don't think that should be encouraged. I don't find any benefit to it. Even you do think you have a bet. Everybody does, I think. We just have it. Everybody does. That's why you want to look good. you want to sound good, you want people to admire you, people think you're doing well. All that stuff. But don't feed that. Yeah, that's what it is. Yeah, don't feed it. Think about the thing, like whatever you're doing, whatever your art form is, relationships or friendships or think about those things. Feed the good will for the bad wolf. Yeah, don't think about you. Yeah, that's good. I like that. Don't think about you. Think about the thing you're trying to do. And just to be the best you can at the thing. The best you can be at the thing is everything you could ever ask for of yourself. And the only thing that's going to get in the way of that is doubts, lack of discipline a lot of people that like substitute work ethic for anxiety. [1:45:06] They substitute work ethic for a bunch of like bullshit thinking that just distracts them from doing what they really should be doing. Which is getting stuff done. Cause like the, what is the thing you're trying to feel? You've, when I, like there's a giant difference. Like if I am in my office, is a giant difference between how I feel if I just watch YouTube videos. Even if it's like an interesting thing. It's a giant difference between how I feel that. Then if I go over my material and I start writing and I write a new tagline, I write a new joke, I have a new premise, I have a new thing, I put it in my phone, now I go to bed, I feel great. Now I feel good. So it's's like you got to learn, like what is the thing that helps? The thing that always helps my mental state is to be engaged in a thing and to be creative and to try to figure this thing out and then do the work that you need to be doing for [1:46:00] your career, for the thing that you love, which is comedy, right? Whatever it is, or even podcasting. Do the work on that thing. Work for the thing that you love, which is comedy, right? Whatever it is, or even podcasting. Dude, work on that thing. Right. Work on the thing. And then when you're done, you feel good. If you're just fucking off, you just feel like a loser. And if you feel like a loser and you start feeling that maybe that's who I am, and then you have imposter syndrome, and then it'll just be professional. Just get it, do the things you have to do. And then if I do all that stuff, then I can actually enjoy a movie. I can sit down and enjoy a movie. If I fucking did everything I'm supposed to do, I can enjoy anything. But if I have like in my head, like I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing, I'm not doing the work I'm supposed to be doing, then I feel like a loser. So it's like just do the work and then you don't feel like a loser. And then you could be sociable. Then you could, you're fun to hang out with because you're not like overwhelmed. Your mind is not on this thing that you should really be doing instead of being here at this party with your friends. You really should be at home working on that thing. Get all that shit done so that you don't feel bad. See, because I hear you and I think [1:47:06] that that's 100% accurate. But a lot of times, I don't know what it is. You need to coach yourself. Well, that's what it is. And I think, but I do think a lot of this stuff is baked into some of that Catholic guilt. I do think you can't feel good about yourself because it subconsciously tells you well then something bad now will happen, right? It's this weird thing that, so I think sometimes I flirt with that because I pretty much, you know, I do my writing and I do just kind of say, all right get into comedy about the whole family behind you. You need to do this, let's do this. But sometimes it's that Catholic guilt, but I'm at a point in my life. Now I'm reading this book Case for Christ. You ever read this book? No. Case for Christ by this guy Lee Strobel. I was very mad at Catholicism for a very long time because I grew up Catholic. When I was 17, when our brains are forming, is when all the Catholic shit came out the priests raping and all that stuff and I was like well [1:48:07] Fucking I have Catholic tattoos all over my body already when I was supposed to do now I I can't this I'm like want to rip my tattoos off and I was very angry for a while initially Didn't want to get my kids baptized came around did it, but then I read this book Case for Christ and I was like wow this guy's putting forward like very compelling arguments for like not only Jesus' existence, but his actual works being real. Like this all being fucking pretty real and pretty historically accurate. And I was like, oh shit. And then so I started to like go back a little bit, right? And I started to say, you know, because some of the things I'm even talking about on the show are kind of like, you know, it's still me, but it's like it's not as much as me anymore. Because I started to go back to church, and I started to feel like this, like, just like calmness, and almost like even if it's forced, like this forced connection. [1:49:01] Let me give you some advice. Yes. You know what your problems are, right? And you know how you're doing when you're doing your best and you know the things that you're doing that lead you to go astray, to go haywire, right? Right. I think so. Yeah. You're really aware of that. If you were a coach and you were looking at you and you know all this information, you would give yourself very solid advice, right? You would know. I think I could. Right, do that then. Right. Just have a coach in your head. That's what I do. I have like a part of my head that's like the general that just tells me what the fuck we're doing. Yeah. I'm like, I don't wanna do this. The general says, shut the fuck up and let's go. And listen to that part. I like have that part in my head. That's always there that knows this is gonna be fine. You know what, you know what, you know what I analyst? Just handle it, deal with it, breathe, go through it, move on. Have like a set in your head of ideals, [1:50:03] of behavior that you're tolerating. behavior that you're not tolerating, the way to handle things when things come up and don't just dwell on every problem, every, instead have this, just like thing, very rigid in your head. This is what we're going to do. Write it down, write it down, write down on a piece of paper. If this comes up, this is what we do. We don't do this. We don't dwell on stupid shit. We don't worry about nonsense. We don't fucking fret about. We don't sell our house because there's not a bagel shop close, even though there was. Yeah. Write those things down. Write those things down. Give yourself like rock solid rules. Right. And then go to those rules every time something comes up, instead of just like riffing it, just winging it, being lost in this world of like management of anxiety. Like have rigid ideas in your head of how you're gonna handle it. Yeah. [1:51:00] It seems like you've gotten through the worst parts, right? Like you sounds like you're anxiety during basketball was fucking crazy. Not to do it. That sounds crazy. I used to bite my toenails off till they bled because my nails, because I went through my fingernails. That's crazy. So you got through that. So you got through the worst, so you know how bad it can be when it goes sideways. And you know how to coach yourself. Right, right all this stuff down. Write it down in the future, write down. Like, this is, these are problems that come up. And this is how I'm gonna avoid these problems. Well, you know what, you know what I think happens too? It's because of podcasting. Sometimes I'm like, because my girl said something to me once. Interesting. She was like, you know, on these podcasts you talk about all these issues you have and whatever. She was like, but at home you're like not that guy. Like I don't know, like this stuff is like, you're never like talking to us about it and you're never acting like that. Like she was like, I see you writing and doing things but then you go on the pod and you're like, look at this fucking, look at my brain. So she's like, what? Like don't feel like you have to just go on a podcast and to try to be interesting, say all your, she was like, do you feel that? Sometimes, I never did until she said it. [1:52:06] I'm like, you know, I'll come onto a podcast. Like I came on today and said, Chris, just, come on. Be confident, be who you are, project yourself, you're doing good, Joe and you are, you're closer now than you were two time. Just shut up and do it. And then immediately I'm like, I'm a mistake. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Damn. So that's who I am. Right. But you're not that way when you're at home. You're not that way when you're at your best. Quarter to my family. I wasn't that way. You might be leaning into it. You might be leaning into it, it might be a problem because like you do kind of think it's something to talk about that's interesting. And so you lean into it and you make it worse. Yeah, because I mean yesterday in the green room, I wasn't like that. We were just talking, talking around, hanging out, and I'll beat out weight tonight. You didn't even seem a little anxious yesterday. No, especially for someone who hadn't done standup in six weeks. No and I did a 24 hour fast. So I was just, I was like in my body yesterday. I felt like a lot of, I mean, I know you've done it before, [1:53:06] but when you get on those fasts and you just get like all this energy, like I couldn't even sleep. Yes, weird, isn't it? Yeah, I just loved it. Yeah, the fact you get energy from fasting is very strange. I've done a lot of 24 Yeah. I don't know if I know that it's a three day ones. I heard that George St. Pierre talking about, he does it three or four times a year. I think it's probably really good to give your digestion a chance to rest. Like just concentrating food. Your body's like, Jesus, like more work. Like give it some time off. Do you think it's possible, like in ancient times that, because sometimes in the Bible, they'll say people live to 400, 500 years old. Do you think it's not 400, but do you think it's possible people will living to as long as 120 years old back then? Yeah, maybe 120, yeah, then the rare genetic case with very good nutrition in a blue zone, some place where there's a lot of minerals in the water. [1:54:03] Yeah, you might be able to. It's possible. 120's, people have gotten there before. But the 500 usual, like Noah, I'm like, that look good. I've never got here. Well, I think it's true, but I think it's one of those things where they probably just took, birth, they took records differently back then. Like I think in China, I think you only celebrate your birthday once every 10 years. So you could be like, oh, I'm 500, but you're really not. Well, that would mean you're five. Yes, exactly. 50. Right. But I think, you know, human beings biologically, the only thing that's gonna change how we age a science, and they're pretty close to being able to do that with a lot of things. And there's a few things you could do to mitigate aging today and it does work. It does help you, but 500 years old. It's most likely that they just didn't know what the fuck they were talking about. 350 years after the flood. He died at the age of 950. There you go. Terror was 128. No, I don't know. Penifio. At the last, the extremely long-lived Antiluvian patriarchs died 350 years after the flood at the age of 950 when terror was 128. [1:55:08] The maximum human lifespan as depicted by the Bible gradually diminishes thereafter from almost 1000 years to 120 years of Moses. See what I'm saying? Now, that's Old Testament. So, you know, I don't know. A lot of that stuff was story stuff. But dude, I'm telling you, this book, case for Christ, the fucking history, it's not, it's not even an opinion. He's not saying I want you to believe. He's like, here's the history, here's why we, dude, so like, if I told you, if I said to you, Joe, you believe everything you've heard about Alexander the Great, right? You believe it, you believe it, you know, he's fought in these battles, what they say, you just believe it's Alexander the great. I'll read his biography. You'd say, yeah, sure. But then you'd be like, oh, but I know I don't believe, they made the shit up about Jesus. Okay, Alexander the great, because what you'll always hear is, well, the gospels were written 100 plus years after Jesus died. Alexander the Great's first biography was written like 300 years after he died. So that right [1:56:06] there is like, well, his, Jesus is the historians of Jesus were much closer in time than say Alexander the Great and even furthermore back then, like the ancient Hebrews, they, they didn't had before writing. They didn't write anything so they would memorize the Old Testament in the scripture. So you had guys that they would pass down, right? They knew, they knew 5,000 pages of the book that's on their head. So yes, the gospels were 70 years later, but they were based off the accounts of people who were living at that time and up to like 25 years after it. And they say, oh well, game of telephone. I can tell you something goes around the room, telephone. By the time it gets to me, 10 people, what you just said is irrelevant. It's a totally different thing. I get it. But what they said is because of that ancient thing of kind of having to pass down these old testamers [1:57:01] because they couldn't write, it would be like if you're playing a game of telephone, but every person, I check with the person before to make sure the word I'm saying is right. And then I keep going. So then it's gonna work because you're constantly checking. So that's what they said happened there. And I was like, okay. Well, that's a little bit of confirmation bias because the real problem is like who set it originally? So when who decided what the words were originally? Okay, that I get that, which is true, but just for Jesus, this book was saying that the reason why they believe the historical accuracy of it is because basically his haters and the disciples were both saying the same thing. So you have the Romans saying, yeah, this is what happened, who hated him and at that point would be like, get this guy out of here. He's basically causing a revolt. That's why we have to kill him. He's like somebody getting, you know, protestor today, they were like, fuck this guy, he's out. And so they were saying, yeah, what you're saying happened. And then the disciples are saying it, like a big thing is the resurrection, right? [1:58:07] People say, really, he fucking resurrected from the dead. And you're like, well, everybody agreed, haters, Romans, and the Israel, Jewish people. Everybody agreed he died. That's 100%. That's why when they stab him and you say, water, came out it wasn't water, it was fluid from his lungs because he was dead. And that's what would happen to you or I when we dies. We have this lung fluid that comes out. So that's what they said, oh, that's water. And that's where they made him divinity. But it was like a natural thing. He's dead. Everyone agrees. And you say, well, you know, that made up. And they say 500 people saw him in the town. Romans and Hebrew, they saw him over the next couple of weeks. They 500 independently source people, real like corroborated 500 people saw him. [1:59:00] So you say, okay, so there's that. And then the other conspiracy theory is like, well, the disciples robbed his body. The disciples just robbed his body, because they didn't want him. They would hand over crucifixion victims to like the wild dogs. That's used to be the way it was. If you got crucifined, throw you in a pit, wild dogs eat you, or leave you on the cross, birds will eat know, that's how we deal with you. So they're like, that's why they were taken as body. And then you see that, well, that's probably not what happened. And the Romans themselves acknowledged there's no body in that tomb that we put in there three days ago. There's the body is not there and we did it. So in order to save ourselves, we're going to say the apostles robbed it. But in reality, that's just a conspiracy because these apostles would have no reason to rob it. That would... So the Romans think the apostles robbed the body? That's a conspiracy. Why do you say conspiracy? Well, you're just saying that conspiracy did diminish the story. No, no, no, I meant conspiracy in this sense of, [2:00:01] that's what people say as a reason why the... Do the Romans say that? The Romans have said that. The Romans said that back then, and then I guess conspiracy is the wrong word, because I'm not, I'm not, like it's one story, one explanation, I'll say. Explanation of... But if you'd looked at it, like what's the most logical explanation? Is the most logical explanation that a dead guy came back to life or the most logical explanation that someone took his body because that's what the Romans said. I'm just because I'm in. I'm saying that that is that came back to life. One time and I'm not saying I'm crazy about it. I'm just saying you know what? After reading that book, there was enough things that happened that historical Scholars who aren't religious some are believers some are not right are like this existed and this happened But you're talking about historical scholars from 2000 years ago and their knowledge of science and Biology and life and the universe itself was extremely limited. [2:01:05] And so their entire fundamentals, like everything they believed in was based on mythology. Everything was based on gods and demons and... Okay, so then what about this? All right, fine. What if the Romans, okay, they made it up, right? I mean, the Romans are correct. The disciples took the Romans, okay, they made it up, right? I mean, the Romans are correct. The disciples took the body. Who everyone agreed was dead. What about the 500 people that saw him in the town over the next six weeks? Did you talk to those people? No. So who knows what they believed, but who knows what they actually believed? Who knows how they said it? Who knows if it was a religious thing? You look, there's people that have mass hallucinations all the time about a lot of things. And there's people that you could give them false memory. False memory is a real thing. Someone can convince you that something happened that didn't happen. It's real. It's like they've demonstrated how to do it. [2:02:03] We all know friends that have a memory of something and you go, that's not what happened. And then you just say your version of it and then everybody has to figure out what really happened. You're like, do you remember that time we were at the game and you said this, I didn't say that. That was not me. That was Mike. And you're like, what? Yeah, yeah, you remember Mike lost his job. he was drunk, do you remember? And they're like, oh yeah, like you thought it was me. Like you put it on me. It's like you changed things. Like people changed things. They also, your memory becomes a memory of your memory and not the actual memory itself. It becomes a memory of the story you're telling. And so if this person was this significant religious guru figure like Jesus was, right? And he really does have this amazing view of how humanity can live in harmony. And he really does talk to people about this and he really does preach forgiveness and he really does treat everybody the same, [2:03:01] poppers and hookers and everyone. Everyone's just God's children loved. When that guy's gone, you're gonna miss him, man. You're gonna miss him bad. And if you really do have a fundamental view of reality that's based entirely on myth, and you have connected this guy to the son of Christ, or the son of God, rather. This figure that is brought here to save us, and the Romans took him from us and killed him and now he died for our sins and the whole thing. If you have that in your head and then someone says, I saw him, I saw him too. People see the Virgin Mary in a fucking grilled cheese sandwich. People see things. It doesn't mean those things aren't there. It doesn't mean that it is in a vision but it also does mean that people see things that there's a lot of people that are not that bright. They're not smart and they're easily led and they're easily manipulated. It also doesn't mean that Jesus wasn't real. Like all those things, but it's just, the likelihood of someone coming back to life is very low. [2:04:03] The likelihood of someone taking his body is very low. Right. The likelihood of someone taking his body is very high. Right. So if you used like, Occam's razor, the simplest solution, the simplest answer is probably what you're searching for. It's probably that someone took the body. Right. Dude. Where do they put it? Well, you could put it anywhere. Like, no one knows where Genghis Khan is buried. No. Genghis Khan is buried. No. Ginghis Khan, they did the wildest thing with him. They sent a pack of people to buried Ginghis Khan. Then they sent another pack of people to kill the people that everybody that went to Ginghis Khan's funeral was murdered. They all got murdered by another group of people. And then those group of people got murdered by a separate group to make sure that no one had any understanding at all about where getting his commas buried. Oh my God. To this day, no one knows where it was. And I think thousands of people died to hide his burial. But it's gotta be somewhere in Mongolia. Somewhere? Yeah. [2:05:01] Yeah. No one knows. Yeah. I don't know. really can do LIDAR over the entire country and figure it out. Well, they'll be somebody who'll proclaim that they found it at some point. Maybe. You know? They have no idea. They have no idea. See if you can find that story because this is a pretty wild story. What about people who they get canonized as saints because you exume their body and they have an, they have an, you know know decayed at all. That's like a big thing. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there's people look They found that guy who died in the glacier that was thousands of years old You know people's bodies. No, but that's in the right situations. Okay, hold on Say Marco Polo wrote even by the late 13th century the Mongols did not know the the location the tomb secret history The Mongols has the yeargain is Khan's death, 1227, but no information concerning his burial. So a frequently recounted tale, Marco Polo tells that 2000 slaves attended his funeral were killed by the soldiers sent to guard them and that these soldiers in turn were killed by another group of soldiers, [2:06:01] which killed anyone and anything that crossed their path in order to conceal where he was buried final legend states that when they reach their destination they committed suicide wow uh... the commit suicide so that no one will ever know well yeah that's why pretty bad ass that's pretty bad that pretty bad and and they were fucking monsters the The Monk only killed everybody on horseback. The best fighting force ever. They killed 10% of the population. Damn. They killed so many people that they lowered the carbon footprint of earth during the time he was alive because so many people died that they, all the places that they had deforested, they chopped down the trees. The trees grew back. Right. And they created more trees, so they created more oxygen, sucked out more carbon from the air, because nothing's better at eating carbon than trees. They live off carbon dioxide. So you could do a core sample [2:07:02] and show that these people killed so many people that they lowered the carbon footprint of humans on earth. That's pretty nuts. They killed somewhere during his lifetime, somewhere between 50 and 70 million people, depending on what they're doing. So is there anybody if you extrapolate that, like did he kill more people than like Stalin and Hitler way more than percentage-wise? Yeah, he killed more than anybody ever. His people did during his lifetime. Because they, I mean, they conquered a giant swath of the world. The Mongols, I think they had, they were in control of like a quarter of earth. Dude, Asians are fucking brutal. They get, why people, we get the worst rap in history, but Asians fucking kill each other and are so racist and hate each other like you can't imagine dude. You know like the rape and man king, your dude's like, we never did that. That was crazy. Bayonetting babies and shit. And Jen gets con. Sometimes I'm like, hey man, I get why people, I get we have our history, but it's like so does fucking everybody else. Stop it. It's also just brutal times. [2:08:02] Require brutal people. I mean, that was a brutal time to be alive. Yeah, right? You can't... I read something about those times, back, this was more medieval times. This was interesting that sex was not taboo. It was because we wanted to live under one roof. So sex was just animalistic to procreate to get more bodies on the farm. So you would watch your mom and dad have sex right next to you. Didn't even, it wasn't a thing about clenzyness or, you know, I mean, I'm sure you had to get an erection and get wet so they had to be some type of something. But it was like this wild thing where like this whole idea of taboo, a sex being taboo and having terms for everything is pretty much like a new thing. It was, I read this whole thing about, then a impedance court in France. So back in the day. In the court? Dude, there was this guy wrote, it's called, I'm fucking history. It's by the author's name, the captain. This guy's the man. And it's cool, I read one page a day [2:09:00] and it's about different times in history, kind of applied to today. But this one thing I read about was the 1600s, there was an impedance court. So if you could get divorced, if you're a wife or if you wanted a divorce, the wife wanted a divorce, the only way out was you had to go to this court and you had to prove that your husband is impudent and can't get his dick up. So the court were there and then you'd have to perform the act. And if the husband couldn't get it up, you have to have sex in front of people couldn't get it up. We'd grant you the divorce because that was the only grounds that it was necessary for. And because you need appropriation. You need appropriation. That's what this is about. She wouldn't deny a woman's ability to procreate that man can't get directions, so you could leave him. And then I think if he did prove his manhood and have sex with her and get a heart on income, I think then he had the legal right to kill her for even taking him to court. So if you get fucker in front of everybody, then he can kill her. He's a part of it. Isn't that like wild how times used to, because if you were fucking brutal man, it's not that long ago. [2:10:06] Like we have the same brain as them, right? We're just more civilized. Not like our brain has went over this insane evolution yet. I have that guy's brain, but I just don't do it. Like I'm not, I guess we're more societal pressures, not to do it. Well, also society has changed where we have more access to information. We know how other people feel. Back then they didn't care. Dude, isn't that what? Like the smartest, like the Elon Musk's and the, you know, Stephen Hawkins of like that time thought like the, they thought that the sun went around the earth and they were, I mean, the, yeah, the sun went around like they, no. They thought the earth was the center of the universe. The earth was the center of the universe. And like they were as confident as our smart people saying, we are positive that it's the other way. Sort of, right? But when Copernicus and all these different people figured out that that wasn't the case, Galileo. No, I know that, but I'm saying, [2:11:01] so what do you think today we believe in that we will be disproved in a major way? Like, because as, as just, you know, when they, when Copernicus and Galileo came out and said, I'm sure it's the other way I have the proof, and then everybody was like, wait, what? What do you think today is where we're believing as fact, even you and me are believing, but it's going to be disproven? Isven. If you had a hunch, what do you think it is? That's an interesting question. Thank you. I don't know. I don't know what it would be obviously. Because obviously there's a thing that we all believe today. Like how the fuck could I know that that would be the thing that would be this part of the... What is it? This is about the impotence court. It's like, but this I Right, you should read that. Start with unhappy. Yes, sir. The unhappy couple would then be subject to separate examinations to speculate, groping by surgeons, physicians, and midwives, speculative, excuse me, groping by surgeons, physicians, and midwives. A husband's natural parts were scrutinized for color, shape, and number. The best thing he could hope for were the inspectors of delicate demeanor. Various hypotheses were created. [2:12:07] Could he muster an erection? Expel reproductive fluids on demand. Was he capable of healthy performance or had he been forcing his partner into? How do you say that word? Lascivius. Lascivius, Lascivius positions without the promise of coming children. That means butt fucking. As could be expected, many with hell, many wilted under pressure. According to the reports of a trial in rhymes, I said, rhymes, are you each rhymes? The experts waited around a fire, many a time to dec call out come come now But it was always a false alarm the wife laughed and told them do not hurry so for I know him well The experts said after that never had they laughed as much nor slept as little is on that night Oh my god, so there's laughing this poor fuck you guys freaking out. They're gonna hard on it. [2:13:05] He ain't got shit. Oh my god. I mean, I couldn't do that. If you want to ask me to, I mean, it's very difficult. It's crazy. There's no way to be able to get hard. Imagine you're in court and you got to fuck. You're also saying that divorce was illegal then. Okay. Most of these would have to come from the women and most of their majority, like 20% of the cases, it was from nobility, so like rich women were saying, oh boy. My husband can't get a hard. So they have to, but then you would have to prove it. I'm not, that's real. Yeah, and then it was on whichever partner actually was found to not be able to get it up, had to pay for the corporate proceedings and lawyers and everything. They They were checking all women's wetness. Like what do you mean? If you're a woman, they could happen the other way. They could say the woman's impotent. Or a woman can't give birth. That's a big thing. You can't give birth to sons. Yeah, that was a big thing. King Henry VIII, right? He killed all his wives and he was the one that was controlling the sex. But science didn't know that yet. The thing Boy when when human beings used to have fertility rituals like they were always trying to reproduce because people died so early [2:14:08] Yeah, like people died of everything. They died broken like dead injury dead, you know infection dead Right blood infection sepsis dead. Yeah, they just died like the odd like that's when when people look at like the average age of People back then all people only lived to 30 that's really because there was so much infant mortality, and infant mortality and childhood mortality factors in that, because like half your kids were gonna die. It's not like today, you have five kids, the five kids are at my grandfather's house. Hey everybody's growing up now, they have kids of their own, way back then. Everybody does. So you're saying back then, there were still plenty of 50, 60 and 70 year olds walking around. There's probably a few, you know, there's like dodge bullets and made it to that way and you fucking pulled arrows out of their back. But the bottom line is, it's the same, what's that guy's boner? Why are you showing us this? This gets into saying that it had to go, big dicks were an issue back then or something they were using this statue as a scarecrow in many places because it was it was threatened rape so it would just scare people away from the gardens and [2:15:08] whatnot. What? That is a big boner and that would keep people from raping people. Look at those holes on these folks. Oh, it's crazy. Jesus. And that's them soft. Look at that guy. That guy's a liar. That's crazy. No way. Perfect. That's what I have. No circumcision back then either. Or maybe there was, I don't know. No. They said they would parade them around on comic stages of Athens until the fourth century. Giant members. Giant members. Guys with giant hogs. Yeah. Wow. Okay. What's that word? To messant. Where do you see that? perhaps the abundance of two messant dicks to mess into a roll to mess in it sounds eloquent maybe um the abundance Gi giant hog. Yes, what does it mean? I've never used that I've never seen no Okay swollen swollen all right. Oh, so hard hard dick hard. I mean everybody probably tie their dick off [2:16:03] Right get a boner to probably tie a little rope around the base of their balls and everything and yeah Keep it hard. Yeah, I got here. Look at my I think back then too. I think that soldiers I read a lot of stuff about the Roman soldier I think Greek soldiers were like you know had wives and kids but on the battlefield night before was totally okay to be gay Yeah, have an intimate relationship because they thought you have to be in love with the man you're protecting next to you in order to protect him in the right way. That's what the Spartans felt, right? That's what it was. Yeah, because that's who it was then. Yeah, but there's a lot of like gay sex going on back then. I think people did a lot of gay stuff and a lot of pedastry. reality right I think like I think we have a lot of terms now for ship but I think back then like James Buchanan who is the president before Abraham Lincoln They used to call him he didn't have a wife He had a Senator who was like they would call him aunt Nancy that was like their nickname from because they were like these two guys are gay right and [2:17:03] their nickname from because they were like these two guys are gay, right? Right. And but the public at the time knew that, but didn't care. You being your sexuality was never in the minds of the American voter in the 1800s. That came later. I don't know when it came, but I was fascinated to read that I was like, oh, wow. Back then, when you think that, you know, people must have been much more conservative back then, they like no we don't give a shit at all like just do get the country in order and actually it plays a part because James Buchanan being you know possibly gay and with the sky and you know the colon of Nancy the senator boyfriend of his was a senator from the south and it was James Buchanan's presidency because he was giving all these favors to they think his boyfriend of that state that tipped the balanced scales and kind of caused the civil war. That's what they say, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't have the hard facts on it, but I remember reading that and I was like, yo, that's fucking wild. We're like, you just like Abraham Lincoln kind of took over a country that was, [2:18:00] the roller coaster had went down. He could not stop it. And they say that he really sided with the kind of freeing the slaves and the north and the union because they had much more soldiers and were much bigger than the south. But like, if that was the other way, Lincoln wasn't at the time, you know, you can make up what you want. And some people agree and disagree. But it's like, he was going with what he thought was best to preserve the union. Not necessarily, I think slavery at that time, a lot of people started be like, this is gross now, stop doing it. But I read a thing too, where it was just geography, where they said if the cotton plantations were in the north, you would have had the slaves and we would have been the non-slaveholder. So like we had to do that with the, of course they didn't, but they would say we had to do that with technology. At the time, this is what we had to, we needed the manpower and there were the only people who would do it. It's really just that they could do it. They could, right. They could do it. Well, they definitely didn't have to you know, because, you know, they were saying like, where the specific place, [2:19:06] I forgot where it was, specific specific, specific, turbulent, specific place they got the slaves from in Africa were people who were very like kind, like giving people there wasn't any war there, so they believed you. If you said, come with me, I'll come with you because I listen. Like I'm where all at peace here, where we are. So why wouldn't I come with you? And then they were in the Portuguese, we're enslaving them and putting them on these ships. And then that's just how, that's why they were able to get them from that part. Like they knew that, which is really sinister. These are good people that are just, their culture is to follow. But then you have the Native Americans who were on the land at the same time in America and you couldn't enslave them because they would be like, no, we're fighting everybody around us because they could have subjugated them too. [2:20:00] And I forgot what book it was, but I was reading it, but they couldn't. They just couldn't. It was like wild horses, so they purposely went to a place where the culture was for the be kind people. And I was like, oh, that's like a really horrible part of like the human brain. Even though I know at that time things were different, but I'm like, that's pretty just evil to do that. There's a lot of evil in history. Yeah. History's flooded with evil. It's almost, there's almost no instances of people not being evil. And there's science and culture, by the way. Every culture. It's not just one group, every culture. I saw this one thing, I can't, I'm blanking on all these things that I read it, where who we are as homo sapiens, I'm sure you know this, like there's like, however many groups of homo sapiens there were like different types of humanoids, but us homo sapiens whether Our type was the most vicious type. That's why we won so this idea of war is oh is in our head because that's what's deep baked in our DNA Because we were the one that won out to you know evolved into humans [2:21:01] So we have it in our thing So when people are like not like where war like because that's just that's in our brains no matter what. And if you don't, if you're not physical, some would say like me, not physical, I'll create a war in my brain. But what keeps me going is war. What keeps me going is a problem that I have to fix like that. So I was like, oh, that wasired. I mean, there's no one today that's rational that believes that like in three years we'll have no war on earth. Right. Or I mean, could you imagine a time with no war anywhere on earth? You can't. No, that's not possible. That's humans do war, which is the thing that everyone's the most fearful of, the most terrifying things in history or war. And we just, even even though we know that and most people don't want war We assume there will never be a time with no war which is a crazy thought Here's a you asked me earlier. Why do you think the NYPD is not you know? Why do you think the city's going to fail? Here's a conspiracy. I guess you'd call this a conspiracy or maybe an explanation again from one of my [2:22:03] Top friends he's like you know why they're doing that He's like the high, high up people. You know, those people that don't even exist on paper that are worth 10 times as much as Zeylon, Muskin, whatever. Those guys, they want AI in, they want it in the police forces, they want it in the world. So what they're doing is cost so much chaos that we're going to beg to just be ruled by AI. We're going to be beg for in in in different AI piece of machinery that sees it in black and white and we'll do the right things put the criminals in jail is who will be ruling this city and that it's going to take some time but that's that's what it is and I'll tell you that a cop told me that I mean I was like I mean, wow. I was like, I didn't dismiss him. I was like, it makes sense. And he was being like, that's what it is. What else could it be? And I was like, I don't fucking know, man. It's the idea. I don't think they're thinking that far in advance, honestly. I think the ideology of these woke people, it's really a cult. And the cult is that there is some institutional racism that has caused all these people to be locked up [2:23:11] and the only solution is to just let them out and when they commit crime it's because of institutional racism. Let's put them in that position and that's where they're committing crime and the only solution is to let them out and to just tolerate it. And this is to try to break this cycle, which is ridiculous. It's not how to do it. The way to do it is to make wherever they live to enrich it. So it's not so crime-ridden and gang-ridden that there's other ways out. So people don't lose their lives being connected to the culture of wherever they're at. Because it's just so criminally entrenched. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they're not thinking that far in advance. I think most of the people that are propagating this stuff. But I also think we're being influenced by other countries. I think we're being influenced by social media, which is also being influenced by foreign actors [2:24:02] that are doing things and saying things and promoting things specifically to degrade our confidence in our system. Yeah. Because we are the only system that's like this. We're the first experiment in self-government in the world that we're aware of other than the Greeks, obviously. But the Greeks did it out of psychedelics, like they learned to develop democracy. I think, I believe that too, and I think that maybe that's something that in the future, like we're living through it now, but in the future they'll be like, oh, remember when the years those people are in social media and they've gone into all these wars and destroyed the planet if it gets there because of these things that weren't even real. It's gonna be history. It's gonna be, the influence of it is gonna be measured. It's gonna be monitored. It's gonna be a very hotly discussed topic because it's controversial even today while it's happening and the evidence is irrefutable. The evidence of its presence is irrefutable, but there's still some people that don't think that that's what's causing it. I think it's certainly exacerbating it at the very least. I don't know if it's caused it, but the infiltration of the education institutions [2:25:06] by other countries is well documented too. They know what they're doing and it's working. I mean, Yuri Besmanov talked about a thousand times unfortunately, the video from 84. I saw it, all that stuff is crazy. You did the plan. Yeah, they were talking about this in 84. Yeah. It's actually the chickens have come home to ruse. It's really it's really going on right now. Yeah You're seeing that on college campuses today. Oh, it's cry. Oh, New York Columbia University Yeah, nuts. It's all over the nose. They're they're cult people. They're basically in like this weird societal collapse cult. They want society as stands right now. They think it's fundamentally terrible and it should be destroyed. So like those people, when we speak about these people that want this and want that, do you think like there's things about the universe that they know for a fact and there's human as you and I and they just know it and this is why they do what they do? Like, they're speculating. [2:26:01] I think they're thinking that far in advance. That's the thing I'm thinking of, the problem with all this is no one's, like freedom of speech, if you take away people's freedom of speech because you think they're wrong and you're right, the problem is then someone else who comes along can also take away your freedom of speech. If they get into power, if they think you're wrong, you gotta have people be able to talk about things so you can figure out what's right and what's wrong and sort things out. Find out what's true, what's not true, what's...the only way to do that is freedom of speech. And you have to allow people to do that, even if they say things that you don't enjoy. You don't want to hear. It's better to have someone refute that and work it out than to silence people. Right. As soon as you don't think that, then you've silence discourse. If you silence discourse, you fucked up all progress. Oh well. Now people are just gonna cling to whatever it is like what the the reason why they went after Galileo or the way because People have like an entrenched set of beliefs and they don't want anything to come along and challenge that and anything that does They'll squash that. Yeah, they'll kill you. They'll fucking torture you and that's the time right now the pure Tannicle yeah, yeah, yeah, it's very similar And that's the time right now, the puritanical. Yeah. Yeah. [2:27:06] It's very similar to that. The woke stuff is very similar to religion in a lot of ways. It's absolutely adherence. Anyone who deviates at all is cast out of the kingdom. There's the attack you. It's just like a call. Right. I think it's lost a lot of, I mean, it feels like it's lost a lot of more of its power now. It feels like most people are like, well, just, you know, people coming out of the fever heat, the haze of it all, like what the fuck was going on? And I think they're more aware of how crazy it all is now than ever before. Yeah. Yeah, there's still a lot of people on universities especially, they're just deeply entrenched. And it's also their identity, it's a way that they could be interesting, it's a way that they can get social status. Status is a big factor, it's a giant factor in how people behave and why they do what they do. And it's certainly the social media is the worst for that. Because so many people, they post these cringy things on social media, [2:28:01] like I know what you're doing. He's trying to, you're just fishing for likes, you fucking weirdo. See I think we all start to know that now, because I remember when I was, when my daughter whose eight now was like one or two, we had a friend and they were giving their kid who was like I think 10 social media as a birthday gift. You would hear that a lot. I'm gonna give my kid social media, but now nobody would do that. Now we would know like how poison that is for a kid. And that was just five, six years ago, where people weren't aware of the kind of dangers of it all. That might be a thing where like, you know how people when they were smoking cigarettes didn't know that they were killing themselves. And they were, the smoking industry was allowed to just can you know, promote, that might be that. That might be the thing in the future. Provasive though, I think it's gonna turn into something even crazier. I think with AI, the introduction of AI and the newer technology that allows some other form of communication, this is gonna get even weirder. I just think this is the reality that we're living in. [2:29:01] We are a technological society. We are technology creating species. Right. And we're a technological society. We are technology creating species. Right, and we're gonna keep going. Just keep it going and then you think the first person who might live forever with their conscious uploaded into an AI is alive right now. I don't know. It's possible. That actually happens. I don't know if that happens. Yeah, I think something happens. I think for me to speculate would be kind of crazy, but I think something wild is going to happen pretty soon. I think with AI and the way AI is progressing that it's going to be smarter than every human being alive inside of five years. Oh yeah. Where does that take us? Do we find ourselves in a position like your cop friend said where AI has to govern the country because that does make sense but the problem is like who is in charge of the AI who gets the program the AI right because AI is not immune to being programmed we saw with that Google AI that the founding fathers were all black like you see that yeah they like it us a photo of a poet with a black eye, Asian lady like, yeah. [2:30:06] It's like it doesn't know how to avoid the woke bullshit that it's been programmed with. Not yet, not yet. But it could adapt. It could adapt. And if it does adapt and it becomes objective and actually has smart decisions that would benefit the entire country as a whole, people are gonna wanna listen to it because it's gonna be superior to us. And it's not gonna have the greed and the deception built into it that human beings do. It's not gonna be supposedly influenced by money. Yeah, but of course, I mean, yeah. Well, it becomes sentient than it doesn't. You know, right now it's controlled by people. But if it becomes something that designed itself, you know, if it surpasses the design of human beings and creates its own version of itself, but a far superior version of it, and then we allow that thing to lead us. So what we gotta do is find jobs that you just wanna be towards the back of the line, because AI is gonna start to take over job after job, [2:31:02] but communion, we're pretty far down the line. I mean, I know AI could take us over in on TV and on the internet. Live performances are still going to be a thing. Live sports are still going to be a thing. So you're at the back of the line for AI. I mean, they're trying to hold off technology in sports by limiting steroid use, right? Because what is steroid use? It's manipulating chemicals in order to achieve a superior human being physically. A superior specimen that can do things that an average person can't. Like when you look at bodybuilders, that is not possible without technology. There's no way you don't get that big. That's crazy. You're not supposed to be that big. Like those people are that big because of human invented technology that allows you to introduce massive amounts of hormones in your system that don't make any sense, and you fucking 350 pounds of your 5.7, that's crazy. But there's people like that in the world. Yeah, yeah, they're monsters. Monsters. And I heard that, you know, I was always taught that steroids give you cancer, all these bad things, but I read Reesing, that was just based off one study a while ago that steroids done right is actually not healthy, but it's not going to kill you if you do these things right. [2:32:09] Where are all the bodies? That's the thing. There'd be so many bodies. There's so many bodies of people smoke cigarettes. There's so many bodies of people who drank themselves to death. There are bodies for people that did overdo steroids and wind up having heart attacks and stuff, but God, there's a lot of people that didn't have anything to go wrong with. Yeah, it gets tempting. That documentary bigger stronger faster. That's probably what it was. Yeah. Yeah. Bigger stronger faster. Yeah, because I just started taking creatine like three weeks ago and I feel like fucking awesome. Creatine's great for your brain. Yes. There's a study recently that showed that creatine mitigates the effects of the lack of sleep too. Wow. Yeah. So if you have a lack of sleep and you take creatine, it's supposed to increase your performance and things and makes it so that the lack of sleep doesn't really affect you nearly as much. Yeah. It says on my bottle not to take the creatine with caffeine. It says don't do that. Really? My powder naked creatine. It says don't mix this with caffeine. And then I read it because they counter balance the effects of each other somehow. So it's like you're taking it and it's not getting the full benefit of it. [2:33:09] Yeah, creatine is actually a newtropic. It actually helps brain function. Interesting. But creatine does a lot of good things. Well, you got to think about, right? It helps your body hold more water, right? Which is why one of the things that makes you stronger. Yeah. Because it allows you to hold more water, you get a little bigger or stronger. But people always say you get bloated and fat, which that's not true either. Well, you get bloated from, you know, you can get bloated from many things. You definitely can get a fatter face if you have more water and you're free. But it's also, it's like, what are you eating? Well, I'm a little bigger, but I haven't lost my scale number as the same. I think I'm lost body fat. Well, that's probably because you're working hard. I think that creatine is a very overall positive supplement. I don't think there's any negative associated with creatine. I'm sure you could probably overdo it, like you could overdo anything. But creatine is one of the safer supplements, [2:34:00] like performance supplements.. Create, yeah. And it's good for you in a lot of ways. It's actually, it's a part of food, right? Is it like, creating from food itself? Since steak. I take creatine and scoop a sauerkraut for the fermented food every day, baby. I love sauerkraut. How great is it? What a hot dog with sauerkraut and some brown mustard. That kind of hot dogs that snap. Oh yeah. Oh baby. I fucking love it. Talk to me. Yeah. Even though the bun's bad for you, who cares? Let's go. Who gives us one thing to say the hot dog is bad for you, right? Says who. I mean us. Yes, exactly. If it snaps in your mouth like those really good kosher hot dogs, oh, love it dude. That's so good dude. Yeah so many foods that are so good that are so bad for you Yeah, like the other day two sleeves of Oreos in one sitting damn damn son and I didn't eat milk Oh, yeah, got it milk was going wild dunk them all But I did it in my fasting window so I didn't feel too bad about myself. Oh, there you go. There it is You're knocking out there you go, but I people can eat man. Yeah, they'll go fucking wild me, it's anything carbs pasta and pizza. [2:35:06] That's my cheat stuff. Right. If I'm gonna have a meal where I know I'm not supposed to eat it, but I'm just gonna enjoy it. It's always like pizza, carbs, pasta, lasagna, something like that. Yeah, just go fucking wild. But then I just stop afterwards. I go, okay, we did it. I think I'm gonna told you this the last time I was here, but my father is a big eater. He ate an entire tray of lasagna. One day, like in front of us, like throughout the day at Christmas, he was eight the entire tray of lasagna. Then he slept on my house and he woke up in the middle of the night with chest pains. And him and his wife, my stepmom, were wake me up and like you know dads I don't know what's going on like he can't walk he's like Adam he's going Camp breath chest pain right goes to the hospital They you know hook them up to the machines whatever do some test days overnight that call me the next day They said hey, man, you know, we're sorry looks like your dad here as congestive heart failure [2:36:00] You know this can be a year four years, but but he has congestive heart failure. I mean, his fluids are backing up. And, you know, so we just wanna let you know, we're gonna release him, but this is the protocol and the medicines and all that. So now I'm going down to the hospital, like, oh my God. Like, this is it, time's running out with my dad. And then, and then took me about 45 minutes to get there, I get there. And I guess they continue doing tests. And the I walk in and the people are there, the doctor. And I say, you know, I was briefed, you know, I understand it as congestive heart failure. Like what do we have to do? Can you like explain that to me? And they were like, you know what? We ran the tests. We gave it, given him a diuretic. Your father had eaten so much sodium in one sitting that it made our, he swear to God, it made our machines convince us that he had congestive heart failure, but in fact, he had eaten so much sodium because of the food that he ate that this diuretic once the fluid cleared his heart, he has a slight arrhythmia, but nothing like congested farfetch that was purely [2:37:05] from the sodium. That's crazy. And I was like, dad, that's fucking nuts. You almost killed yourself with a zonnet. You almost killed yourself with a zonnet. And now, and he's extreme, and now my dad's lost 120 pounds intermittent fasting, he looks phenomenal, but he said he's lightheaded all the time, and I'm like, well what are you eating? And he said, one half of a tuna fish sandwich a day. That's all eats. I'm like, Dad, what can we get a little balance here? Yeah. Because now, you know, and he's like, I said, what did you do to lose all this weight? He said, I eaten tuna fish sandwich and I walk in the pool. I was like, yeah, but Dad, you. Yeah, you're gonna fuck your heart up. Yeah, man. Your body starts robbing its tissue. Yeah. If it doesn't get enough protein, it starts eating your muscles. Yeah. So that's what don't do that. No, I told him to try to, I told him to try to eat more. Just eat. Just, I was like, Dad, just eat in those windows.. Yeah, I was like, you look like you're wearing a dress. [2:38:05] It's fat, it's fun. You look great, dad. It's not about what your abs now. And then, seven, seven, yeah. And they have like a funny relationship. He'll be like, oh, you know, you believe my fucking wife over here is 60. He's like, I should trade her in for two 30 year olds, huh? And my wife and my son was always like, I like to see you try you fat fuck. If you could bring home a 30 year old, I'll gladly give you the divorce. And then I'd be like, I'm gonna kill her, I'm gonna bury her in the backyard. I'm like, this is the kind of couple fighting, that's just like old school. That's fun, that's fun to years. So I see like kind of two things on like how it works one way and not the other way. Type thing. It's interesting, the way that they fight their old school. That sounds very extreme. Gambling. Now it's addicted to not eating. What is that equal though? Fun. That guy. Nobody's more fun than my fucking dad. [2:39:01] I mean, while people are fun. Well, they're funny, fun guys. I mean, when I had my first daughter, we told them, you know, you can't come into the, upper, the delivery room, you know, it's just me, my girl and my mom and her mom. That's what she wants, you know, women and whatever. So my dad, I tell him that, he's like, all right, you know, whatever. And then I call him, obviously when her water broke, we're giving birth and dude, her water broke and the middle, we were watching that movie Mad Max with Tom Hardy and her water broke and we were, I love that movie, we were right at the end. I was like, is there any way we got like 10 minutes left and she was like, get to the fucking hospital. Oh my god. I know like an idiot. So we get, but so, so she's giving birth like crown, like it's happening, and my dad walked in, because he's just like, this is my first, my, this is my grand kid, my first grand kid I walk in, and I was like, dad, like you cannot at all be here, like, and he was like, yeah, it's, you know, like you're here, I wanna be here, and I'm like, nobody feels comfortable, like I don't give a fuck, but like she doesn't want you here at all. And she was like, get out of here. Like it was like this whole thing. And then as he's leaving like right before he goes, [2:40:06] he goes, I'll be in the waiting room, just let me know. And I'm like, okay, you know, like we're in the middle of the birth. And he's like, by the way, Chrissy, Yankees got fucking rocked last night. You got a disteam sucks. And I was like The nurse, everybody's laughing, so they're like, what is this guy screaming about the Yankees boys? Birth. And then, and then, you know, we had my baby, and then he was like, he was like, it's a girl. I said, yeah, and you know, great. And he was like, oh man, he was like, I was hoping for a boy. I'm hoping for a boy. I'm like, you know, if I was still in the throes of my gambling, he's like, I would have gambled with your uncles on your kids' gender. I would have put a bet down. I would have had to put my money on it. That's how deep it got. I was like, that's wild, dude. He was like, I would have gambled on it, I would have gambled on it on the kids birthday, I would have gambled on it all. We would have come up with real, you know, [2:41:06] he was like there was action on everything always. Wild. There was action on that infinite court too. What have we got now? They were gambling on how long they would take to prove if they could actually do it or not. Yeah. There was this story of a guy that tried for 15 hours. You've managed it. Dude, 15 hours try to get it out. I think the French to this day, I think you're allowed to cheat on your wife in France. As long as you don't fall in love with someone else, you're allowed to step out and have sex, but like, it'll get you in trouble, but like a night out with the guy's drinking beers got you in trouble. Like, you're not going to get divorced unless you fall in love. Then you're out. But I'm almost positive French men can have sex with women outside their marriage and their wives don't really care. It's just French culture. You think that's nuts? It's definitely, well, France is. France is being invaded by Muslims now. [2:42:00] They're not invaded, but I think 25% of France Essentially lives like under like almost a form of Sharia law now. Oh shit. Who's that stuff that recently? Someone's explaining that to us like how much you know because so many Muslim immigrants have moved in sure PN places. Yeah, and they're trying to change like they've changed neighborhoods They've changed the way people behave where they're allowed to behave. Yeah, I I're trying to change like they've changed neighborhoods. They've changed the way people behave Right. We're allowed to behave. Yeah, I I was gonna go to Dubai just three weeks ago and You know, it's the most progressive place. I think I've heard in the in the Middle East But even with that there was certain like I couldn't you know, you know, I've sent a bit to joke around like oh my friends Like I'm gay. There should be can't do any of that. Do not even mention that on stage. Then they said, you know, no jokes about your government, our government, do not mention Muslim faith at all or religion at all. And if you take videos of anything anywhere, [2:43:01] you can be arrested without the proper permission. So really, like if you take videos of buildings? Yeah, there's a kid tick tocker who went to prison for a year. He's in prison right now, because he took unauthorized videos of like the public square in Dubai. Yeah, and he got thrown in prison. And that had, so all that was happening when I was about to go. I was going on the, we were going on the trip in like two days. It was my girl. So how would you have to reorganize your act? So that's what I was like thinking about and I was like, you know, so this was again just three, three, four weeks ago. We were going. I only said yes to the gig because it was my girl's 40th birthday and she was like, what a great like we should do it in Dubai. I was like, I really don't want to go. She was like, I really don't wanna go. She was like, the show is on her birthday, April 17th. So I was like, all right, we'll go. And then, but I was having all this anxiety. Not even anxiety, it was more like, you know, like more than my, you know, I have a friend who, you know, gay, gay cop, Mateo Lane, you know, Mateo Lane. You know, Mateo? Great comedy, fucking, and then you know, I was talking to Dubai, talking [2:44:06] to the shows and Dubai with him and he was like, yeah man, he was like, I would love to go to Dubai but like, I'm gay, I just, I wouldn't even be allowed in. And I was like, wow, that's fucking wild that, why am I going to this place? And I'm sorry of our flight from JFK to Dubai, I ran in Israel, gone into that little skirmish, remember that? Where people were like World War III, Israel's going to invade Iran, Dubai borders with Iran. So I was like, I don't wanna go. I was like, I know that it's probably Iran. So I was like, I don't wanna go. I was like, I know that it's probably safe, but I was like, I actually don't wanna be at, why am I going there? Why are we going to where there's possible conflict? It's boarding with the country, even though I know Dubai will be safe, I know what's a safe place, I get it. But like, what am I doing over there? Why are you and when I mean my girl going our kids are back home what happens if there is a warrant and we can't get [2:45:05] home right what's the point of all this like what what what is it and she was like you know what like then cancel I just had like this gut feeling and then two days later is when the Dubai airports flooded did you see all that yeah that's my show got canceled my the venue flooded you could not get anywhere so and you had already canceled any? I had canceled it anyway. The fear that I had was Israel I ran, but then two days later, it was the flooding. Was that because of cloud seeding? That's what they say. I mean, partially, I mean, I don't know, not 100% that, but there was like a weird low pressure zone where they did cloud seed, but the clouds didn't move for a few days or something like that. Yeah, so that's what happened. Is it got flooded and I didn't go at all? And that's why, and that's why Christ, that's why I'm with Christ. Okay, let's wrap this up. Chris, great darn idea. Love you too, buddy. Love you, babe. Thank you so much. My pleasure. It was fun. [2:46:01] Yeah. Bye everybody.