#2011 - Tony Woods

Tony Woods what's happening, baby? What's happening with you Joe? Good to see my friend, man. I'm glad you had me back I'm glad you came back. Hey, you know what senior last night because that was like Somebody said a joke got a new club. Thank you, too And just I just sent your text like hey, man, let me do you clip. Okay Yeah, I'm excited this weekend. Yes, that's gonna be fun. Yes, man. You're gonna love it Yeah, what did you get you to put the village right down here in Texas, man? Like like back in the day when they had comedy club here come to Boston comedy club go to sell it go to do Do all that that's how it is. It's bouncing around so But you got five clubs on one street bang, but you got to yeah, you got the Madison Square God You got the mother ship. Yeah, you got the mother ship. I Said to somebody I said I'm going to Austin to do the mother ship He says wow, that's gonna be a long flight you flying through Boston to go to Africa I said Africa is the mother Ship but then I broke it down. I'm like a mother ship, you know, like George Clinton a month, you know Yeah, Harlem it and all that he was like I've never heard that. Hmm. Well, it's new. Yeah, it's dope dope, man Thank you. Yeah, we've been open four months now. It's been wild And it's like I see it's a line all the time other comedians sent me pictures of people lined up Like they go to see Star Wars the first time It's hard to get tickets when people get amped up about it. It's it's really nice. Yeah, I like it The great room was dope, too. Yeah, we set it up I mean we we basically set up everything to make it perfect for stand-up. Yeah, you know just perfect for the comics Perfect for the staff. I've been in clubs and they go. Yeah, we put our heart and soul into this I'm like you guys do comedy. No, we don't do comedy, but I just our new club like this You don't know what you're doing. Yeah, I went to this one club and they had This the stage that the ceiling is like that. So it sounds like you're in gymnasium. It's like that and the bar is right there and Just people order and drinks people all the shows going on a tear up here It's more like a dance club. It looks like yeah like bandstand American bandstand or something, you know, it'd be dope as a Club. Well, there's not a lot of clubs that are designed by comedians Where the comic comes in says, you know, we need to fix this we need to do that We had Louie come in to that helped a lot. Louie gave me some real good advice Real good tips. I listened to everything he said I said, let's do this. Okay, I'll do that Let's he's like to make the stage in the small room smaller. Okay, how much smaller four feet on each side chopped it up It was like right before we poured the concrete to say that change the rebar and all that jazz, but it's perfect When you like from the stage I give advice on like I might you know You poke fun at the club you talk shit and like the owners always say, you know how much money I put into this club You don't do stand-up man Don't know what you doing and when I said it people laughed So but then sometimes you rip on a club cuz it's comfortable and you rip on it and then they'll go and fix it Like dude, what you doing? Right clean it up, man. What are you doing? It was like the punchline Atlanta Yeah, Jim would you that I did that one? Yeah. Yeah, they cleaned it up. Yes, and it's they moved But it was like one of those clubs like the ice house in Pasadena They fixed that up to apparently it's real nice But you would go to those places and it's just like they had a feel they had that those like the wall and zanies We see those headshots from 1983 like there's a cup in Baltimore. It's a comedy factory My first five minutes was on how dusty the velvet curtain was but that was dope you come in And then they cleaned it up new new thing Comedy is dirty son. Yeah, some comedy is dirty. Yeah, it's good. Well, it's a painful thing I tell people I say the periodic chart the symbol for comedy is a banana peel That means something I got get hurt man The crowd might laugh but somebody's don't go I'm like you how many people got fucked up over banana peels to the point where banana peels became a thing like you just know If you leave a banana peel on the ground people getting fucked up It's like literally the only item where if it's on the you could describe it and there was a banana peel on the ground Oh, that's it. Someone's getting fucked up by a banana. Yeah, there we go. A hundred percent of the time and then next thing you know The ambulance guys telling you you got STD Well, that's what it sound like when I hurt my back that time you said you got a sad I come I knew she was dirty. Yeah, but it was sad cuz sounds like something else. I just do that in there I see what you just did. Yeah, I can't hear myself at all. You don't like it. No Is it you like we don't have to wear these you take them off. Yeah, if you feel more comfortable I'm good. I'm gonna do it like that But I'm cuz I'm always the first one to feel something like right now and you guys don't have it here But we got the smoke and stuff and they say how bad is it? It's it's real bad, man It's it's like this bad. Why is it? Why is it orange? Has anybody tried to figure that out? It's because you know all the conspiracy theories. I know a guy Do you know the conspiracy series? Because apparently there was a bunch of chemicals that went missing. I know a guy I know a guy who used to be the NBC doc, you know NBC is so a camp Lejeune The Marines have to go through a gas chamber, right? Right and you I'm a corpsman So you can only do it once a quarter, but the good thing is you get three-day weekend so So I would volunteer to do it. So I think I did it a couple too many times Not a lot, but I would okay maybe once a month But I can't I'm saying I'm through they weekends are good and I didn't care Because after a while you kind of get used to it But when I when I smell that smoke I'm like I know with trees and leaves smell like man when they burn it just that's not hot It doesn't smell like that. What does it smell like? Chemicals NBC it's called nuclear biological chemical warfare and Marines everybody in the military You have to go thin you go in and you you you put your man. So you have to You say I'm Joe Rogan Because it you have to be able like when the gas comes you don't already have your mask on you got right how to think fast put it on and And so as a corpsman you but you already got your mask on as common, but it's still getting in there So for health reasons you should do it once a quarter, but you were doing them once a month. I Once every other month something Just for the three-day weekends just for the three-day weekend man, you know understand I Volunted cuz I had allergies real bad. I volunteered to go up to Norfolk For these they would be up there for like a week and they they give you shots and do this and do that do this Yeah, and and I was I was talking to this guy one time who was in my unit See, yeah, man went from five ten Six one and like a year Yeah, would you let him shoot you up with all that? They were just try and shit out on him I got five days off that I always thought they were doing that kind of stuff Yeah, like I don't know what they give people but haven't you ever heard? There's always been stories about people giving people like And a crazy experimental drugs in the military you just you got your gear in your hand He's walked through and there's a comment on both sides Well, if I had a bunch of soldiers especially like special operators like Navy SEALs I would want them to be juiced up Yeah, I would want that Everybody's used to I would I want them to be on amphetamines. I would want them to be on steroids We don't really I didn't really know what we was on. We just say Take a shot today Hey, is my voice sound fucked up does it sound like I'm lisping a little bit it does right I Have an Invisalign in I'm getting my teeth straightened out. Let me see There's no Kimberly see cuz it's but But this is the first day I've had it on Now that you said it I can tell so my question is do I try to work through this because they say that eventually Your tongue figures out how to talk. I don't think it doesn't sound weird Yeah, I'm getting better at it. But when I first started talking because it's see you get here right there first you can't It's like your tongue has to even though it's a tiniest little amount of plastic Your tongue has to figure out where that is and then it has to kind of like pull back a little bit It's gonna change your you I'm not gonna wear it on stage. That'll be fucked Impossible because there'll be certain things that you say. Yeah, that's the way you say them and then mine goes come on Damn like that. Yeah, so my lower teeth are boys been crooked and shit gets stuck in them It's really hard to floss them and the dentist is like listen, you can you don't have to wear braces you can just do this thing and Takes a long time takes over a year. I don't think you sound that different I do a little if you're a person who's easily annoyed. I apologize. I'm gonna figure this out. You're good I'm gonna face out Tony. I got fucked up by ants. So here's the fire. Okay, there's the fire This is a the last some map of the last day or so maybe it's now the conspiracy theory is that there's a shit ton of Toxic waste toxic chemicals rather that went missing remember those Yes, order. Yeah, and the conspiracy theory is they burn them and that's why they burn orange Where they burn them up in Canada, but it's definitely not trees. It's not trees burning Well, the thing is and how's it going and coming but if the winds but the thing is if you have a fire that's that big For sure. There's some stuff around the fire other than just trees for sure. They're burning down buildings I'm Canada up there. Is that true? I believe I mean, I remember hearing that like most the population lives near the border. Mmm That makes sense. Hi, where's one of the page of it? It's dating that was we did in the center somewhere bro those fucking Alberta people Those people that can live up in that cold weather. Those are different people They like it. They laugh at Detroit. Yeah, like this isn't cold. You think Michigan is cold Yeah, come on up to everybody's just walking around with Levi's jacket. Yeah But they make you get used to it wear the right clothes. You make the most of it It was very weird that video where they all started at the same time What's that where all the fire started like the exact same time? It looked like a little weird pretty weird Yeah, and it was but I heard the explanation to that was like lightning storms, which does happen What about the balloon that got shot down? That sounds weirder to me as an explanation. What what are they saying started this fire? They're not they're not saying at all. I've heard anybody say what started they just his fire in Canada Wear my ass dry hot weather breeds more lightning Yeah, half the wildfires are started by lightning But yes fires account for more than 85% of the wildfire destruction other half are human caused hmm So how many animals are dead? Oh? They're pretty good to get in the fuck away if it's just woods I bet you'd be surprised at how few die They're really good at getting away this article right here. Just said this in April only displaced 30,000 people So it's like there's not a lot of people up there, okay? But it's fucking huge right it's been going on for how many months now. This is on as a fry administers 427 active wildfires 232 of them are out of control 232 fires in Canada are out of control so we're trying to burn down Canada. They just burn until there's until they run into water. Oh, yeah Well, I think when things get this big There's not much they can do I mean they could do their best to try to contain it shutting down production of oil and gas I Mean it's it's you got you haven't been back east you haven't seen it. I heard it's horrible. It's it's really bad. Yeah It's gonna last for a long time to This fire like this fire is fucking huge It's like Multiple Los Angeles is on fire, and that's how it looks sometimes. Yeah, it's like like LA like this It's like that brother worst ever experience was Mexico City We flew into Mexico City. I took photos out my window I was like this is crazy The amount of smoke those people live in on a regular basis the amount of pollution near is horrible Says I've never seen a vertical wall of smoke like this one need near Fox Creek, Alberta on Sunday And the strangest thing about this moment was I couldn't smell any smoke What Well, I guess the wind hadn't got to me If the winds not going in that direction way, he gets smell smoke is just he couldn't smell trees burning Because I don't smell trees burning. What is that what he's saying though because also You you look at the smoke. Look at it looks but that for sure is smoke too. Those trees are burning. Yeah What is that pretty good? You match it really if it really is how they got rid of those chemicals Yeah, they decided to light the forest on fire. That would be the dumbest way to get the In what way like they sprayed him and then someone's like why would you do that? Like what would be I can understand why someone would think it's a conspiracy, right? The chemicals go missing and then you know, there's this fire and the the smoke looks orange I get how people would put those two together, but my question would be like why would anybody do that? Why would anybody light all those chemicals on fire in the woods? Imagine like that somebody started done it right Maybe look at that. That's bonkers But the imagine that is how you choose to get rid of chemicals like it's not You know, I mean, yeah, that's why I like doesn't make any sense It would fuck up everybody fucked up everybody and you're lighting you you have to be the craziest psychopath of all time You're lighting the woods on fire to get rid of some chemicals I'm thinking maybe it wasn't Their woods did they sit on fire somebody else's words someone else someone else from somewhere else someone set someone so yeah Yeah, maybe we'll get those mother right? Why the chemicals that's the question like if it is the chemicals What kind of conspiracy is that? Go to 4chan Wasn't wasn't it? It would a balloon was a balloon the balloon was like it was right in that area Where was the balloon flying over? There's a few places. Yeah, it started in the northwest and started making it across the country I think they said they had a bunch of those while while Trump was in office and they didn't tell him about it Because they're worried he was gonna shoot him down. They also showed that laser that footage of that laser shooting down on like the Hawaiian Coast What was that that makes me think of the fires is like whatever that oh god Imagine they just light the fucking woods on fire to make us comply Stay in your homes that makes download this app why the woods are on fire You must now download this app put it in your fingerprints. We got to make sure that we track all your matches purchases That's the next thing they're gonna do It's kind of crazy. You can just buy a lighter like anybody could go buy a lighter start lighting shit on fire Just can't take it through TSA You can't take a lighter through TSA Really really is that new no matches though, right? Yeah matches I mean, but if it's sitting you carry on they take like you ever see the little bucket. Yeah Yeah disposable and simple lighters without fuel oh without fuel oh You have to take they took my This is disposable With you are prohibited and checked back check bags. I don't know okay disposable and Zippo So the Zippos without fuel are allowed in checked bags. How do you know that in check bags? So that's checked bags though The one they took for me was a gift right even put the stuff in it. Yeah, it was like a gift box You know what the little oh really yeah, they took that I took that oh, that's true I don't think they're supposed to take it if you have any fuel in it and that it was brand new Yeah, I don't think they're allowed to take that I think they fucking robbed you yeah Yeah, they like look what I got I came up I think final decision rests with the TSA officer on whether the item is allowed through the checkpoint exactly Yeah, some of them are cool. Some are not I remember when they made pool cues illegal You couldn't take a pool cue on board, but you could take a skateboard Mike you're not gonna fuck you up with a skateboard way better than I could fuck you up with a pool cue You know and put you get a little more speed to it about umbrella Can you take you can take an umbrella you take a fucking cane? Yeah, both of them Cane like you could fuck somebody up with a cane and there's a lot of canes that have swords in them Yeah, my mom's got that one. That one's crazy. Yeah, but some dude with a limp in a can somebody gave it to her But they didn't know did it she didn't know no just happened to twist it and I'm like, whoa She is oh, no, he's got it at the house right there. That's nice. You see your mom on the poor sharpening At carrying a sword that's the next level shit an undercover sword in a cane What's the what's the name of the place? The book the place used to go get like ear ears period and they they were in the mall. Oh Right, right right Spencer gifts. Spencer's. Yeah. Yeah somebody gave her came from Spencer's Wow, and Spencer gifts came out of sword. It's dead. They're selling weapons. Well, this was Back in the 80s. You could do show like that It had to be the 2000 I remember used to be able to go to Chinatown and buy throwing stars The little yeah, remember those. Yeah, we saw have throwing stars Look out the woods and fuck trees up. There's a comedian who used to have those stars Really? His name was Willie Robocop. He's a comedian from DC. We lives in London and did you do something with them on stage? No Here when another comedian got into one time we had those things out. Oh Jesus. They didn't throw it though They was that's a scary proposition though. Do you know really good Like they roll out like a little belt or something Yeah Wait, I think he's a martial arts guy too. He's seen him before it makes no it's just stuff like Okay. Yeah, I've seen that guy in forever. He lives in London Willie Yeah, is he still doing stand-up in London, yeah He's all over the UK. You ever do over there. Okay. Yeah, just did the o2. I did the arena up there. It was fun It was fun. I did the old pub when I was I've seen more of England and most English people just on the train going here and a little small towns Yeah, I've had a good time though, man. That was the dust. I guess I was in like the 2000s Did you do comedy in those small towns? Yeah, how was that? Good state? They had these things they had junglers back then Junglers junglers. There was a chain of them and then they have the comedy store There's a chain of those and then they have this slugging lettuce. We have slugging lettuce here. It's like a little Like a restaurant. Okay, and so boom at that time They were having comedy six nights a week all over the country just at some pub somewhere somehow Wow Just hop around me will sylvance all those guys from over here. We just go Wow Mody who else? guys Patrice everybody we also go Because the UK tours UK tours. It sounds good But it was it was the same as doing North Carolina and Georgia the holiday ends That's what yeah, which is running around from spot to spot. Everybody just talked different How did they receive the comedy? They loved it? Yeah, cuz the first time they saw us was a me red Johnny and around guy They remember those guys. Yeah Dave and uh What's the name Ian Edwards Ian Edwards Renee Hicks and Sui McCullough well went up to Edinburgh to do the Edinburgh Festival So that was that was that was you do that. No, never yes. Wow. It's like 30 days of just really Every kind of show you can imagine. Hmm. Yeah, but it's far. He loves it. Yeah, Ari goes like every year What's the other guy? Matska Kurt Matska. Yeah, he goes on Yeah, he's perfect for that too. Yeah, cuz it's it's August but it's rainy is go You like get them out of here Matter of fact me and Greer had a show across from the president when we were there This is back in the day of the president of you can't of Ukraine Solinsky yeah, he had a show up there. He had me and Greer show was here. His shows here That was when he was comedian. Yeah, and the show still so it's the puppetry of the penis. Oh, that's right They played piano with the dicks. Yeah, they do that and then after that all the women come down Isn't that wild that that guy's the president of Ukraine and they're at war with Russia? Yeah, that guy you did a show with them. Yeah, why did we show with him? He's I mean, he's you know, right over there. We all hung out together. How crazy is that? You're hanging out with the president of Ukraine the future president. Okay. Yeah, imagine all the people said man She smoked new ports with that dude Ukraine is a fucking comedian wild and Yeah I was thinking about the spaceship up there I remember one of the presidents that we had here he was doing like a tour at an Air Force base and the guy says This is stealth fighter. He goes. Yeah, it's invisible like Wonder Woman's plane You don't remember he said that no he said that well, he's incorrect. Yeah He Says they call it the stealth fighter because it gets invisible like Wonder Woman's Yeah, you just can't see it on radar. You can look at it. It's right there I was the Wonder Woman plane would like go transparent so you can see the clouds That's next-level shit They're gonna do that for sure because they already have clothes that can do that they have like a cloak that you can wear and the cloak will like Transmit an image of what's behind you? I've seen that. Yeah, so like a Soaks like yeah like a LCD or LED screen. It's really interesting like they they figured out how to do Some weird stuff that makes it look like someone's invisible and things are invisible And it seems like a matter of time before they can apply that At a higher level like look at that that lady's like standing They used to do that right in front of something. Did you ever do Bruce Harris Club before it was the stardom? No he's before the stardom he had a He had a he had a whatever the screen is What is that object she's using to do that Is that a thing she's holding in front of her it seems like a like she's holding a screen Yeah, and it looks like she has little crystals on it. It's like she has camel pants on So that's a little misleading So she's got camel pants on standing in front of that tree, and then the the thing is showing the image of the tree behind her Wow Yeah, they could apply that to a plane for sure And then you know with the stealth technology the predator Exactly The language the alien language boy if that's what the aliens are like we're fucked yeah, well he was a sort of hunting trip Yeah, he was no different than you is this going to kill some animals. Yeah, but he's just taking their hats. He's rude. I eat Kills all those nice people Which would help what do you think about them like big game hunters like the people go to Africa? Africa is a very complicated situation. Yeah because Africa Has more wild game Right now than any time over the last few decades and the reason why they have that is because they made it very valuable so these people set up these large wild game camps and They people from all over the world come there and they pay a lot of money and they hunt and they can hunt anything will the beast right they can't bring it back with them and They can they can eat the meat while they're there and they'll donate the meat to the villages Which they very much appreciate my friends have been over there said it is actually a very nice feeling What about like lions? They don't do that. Nope. They don't eat the lions. No lions is just It's just like to say you hunted a lion the thrill of hunting a lion, you know And then there's the conservation aspect of it. They do have to kill a certain amount of lions So they have a population control that they do So like when they remember when Cecil the lion got killed and everybody freaked out They shut down lion hunting and then they had a surplus of lions and then lions were killing too much antelope and undulates So then they had to send in hunters like professional killers to kill the lions Do you remember this movie that Kurt Douglas was in? Yeah The ghost. Yes, so come to find out that's a true story. Yes, and they did the thing on the Alliance and one of the lions He had a He had an injury he had hurt his jaw his tooth or something like a real bad like a bullet hole No, he's like like biting something big He broke a tooth. And so that's why he was hunting the humans because yeah easier. It's like yeah It's like eating cotton candy Right, you know, I know the other one was fine, but I guess that was like, all right, man You're on this special dynamo with you, sir Let's go get these Once you eat us it's probably so easy. Yeah, we don't taste absolutely terrible Yeah, the lion pair was said to have killed a hundred and thirty five people boom. Holy shit 1898 and tell him why his uh, cuz one of them had yeah, right So it's little lion breath probably stonk like stonk It said the Sabo man-eaters the most widely studied man eating pantherine cats Given their behavior of hunting humans as a pair as well as dental injuries reported one of the lions a cause commonly attributed to big big cats turning to humans as prey and These dudes was weird too because they didn't have mane. They were both males. Oh like that Yeah, wow How come they didn't have manes? Yes, they were equivalent of a guy with a big butt Why didn't they have manes I don't that's so strange. Yeah, these two dudes was Deposed to does it say anything about why they didn't have manes That's so fascinating. Yeah, no manes and his breath I thought they all all the males had manes and these two dudes so they were already outcast No, manes bad breath. Yeah, they got nothing. They have to railroad track and eat some dudes Yeah, imagine, you know, you're spending your whole life trying to kill a zebra. They're fast as fuck Yeah, you got a sneak up on him. You got to get him and then you find these people. Oh Jesus Yeah, they can't even run over their own feet. They're wearing shoes Just take them out and like oh my god. This is so much easier. We can get fat Yeah, no work. No, no. Well, it's just like they can't even see at night Yes, these morons and they were all road railroad workers or something like that. Yeah You just wait until someone has to piss. Yeah Savo males look different as well The most vigorous Serengeti male sport large manes while the Savo they have short thin manes or not at all It's all about water Patterson says Savo is hotter and drier than the Serengeti and a male with a heavy mane would squander his daily water allowance by simply panting under a Bush with none despair for patrolling his territory hunting or finding mates. Oh Wow, that's why they was rocking ball heads. That's wild I did not know that so are there lions like that right now? They're there see if you can find like male lions out there with no manes Wow That's interesting. I didn't know that existed. Why have you guys been watching a chimp empire? Have the guy in it who directed it? Yeah, dad. Well, how did it how many years that take them? Oh, well, here's the deal. They had set up a Scientist had set up research there 30 years ago So they had been continually studying these chimps and they had like very specific rules of engagement You can't ever eat in front of them. You can't be closer than 20 feet or was it 20 yards 20 yards You can't be closer than 20 yards. They were right there with them. So they're right there with these chimps man And so they're like filming everything and the chimps Get accustomed to the people being there because that people never interact with the chips and if the chimps walk towards the people the people just back away and Again, you can never eat in front of them ever I said, I just steal your food and fuck what blew me away was when they ate monkeys Yeah, David Adam burrow I think was the first guy to capture that on film in on the BBC and I remember watching that and it's you see this Little monkey and he's still alive and the chimp is eating him from like the asshole first And I always thought that they were like vegetarians. I thought they were like gorillas gorillas don't eat me. No, they don't eat me Just I thought it was just a rant. No baboons. I thought they were the only one who ate Yeah, I didn't know either until I watched that documentary But they eat a lot of monkeys and this one of the things that he was kind of like reluctant to talk about the director I'm like how often date monkeys He's like all the time all every time they can every time they can it's like With us. It's like fast food like literal fast food. There you go. There you go It's just I was thinking they ate him because they had tails so now consider them apes I don't think that morals. Yeah, I think it's just a survival We're gonna eat somebody from the ass backwards. Yeah, it's in the way the monkey was screaming It's like it's they're so close to us So when we see them getting eaten even though we're getting eaten by something that's even closer to us It still is like what? Yeah, but people eat monkeys That's a lot of the tribes people pigeon eating chicken right right or Chickens eating birds the birds. Yeah, well, I guess birds of prey eat other birds, too Oh, yeah all the time. Yeah, I mean there's crazy videos of seagulls Seagulls or they're just swallowing whole pigeons. You ever see them do that. They swallow ducks. Yeah, there's just Pelicans pelicans swallow ducks. I know pelicans swallow seagulls That's so big Well, they swallow shit It's crazy because the thing realizes that it got caught Yeah, see it moving around and out of its mouth and I can't do shit about it See we see if you can find like pelican eats pigeon but What what about on that champ Empire when they got the leader they got him? Yeah, all his boys ran. Yeah Look at this. Yeah Jesus Christ, we're not doing that thing back. We still scratch. Yeah, what's still in there? Yeah. Oh Oh, he's in Central Park somewhere. I don't know where that is Yeah, it looks like people just walk about look at that Look at him forcing it down. That's crazy. Get in there bitch. That bird's moving around inside of his neck. Oh Have you ever seen a seagull eat a rat You ever see a seagull eat a rat that's more impressive seagulls eating rats or it's wild they just throw them all back It's a rabbit rat pigeon squirrel, let's go with rat. It's the most disturbing My voice does sound a little fucked up. You know, I think I'm gonna have to take these out Oh, is that cat gonna eat that bird? No, this is a seagull is gonna eat a rat. Let him throw this bitch back Look at it. Just throwing it back Yeah, it probably tastes nasty too and he's like Jesus Christ, I can't believe I'm doing this Oh, yeah, how long do you think you can eat swallowing rats whole and live? I mean how many how many of those before this your whole body just filled with toxins and That rat was dead. Oh, yeah, probably for a long time and probably dead with poison poison. Yeah Yeah, that's um One of the things that happens at the Hollywood Hills. They kill a lot of owls Inadvertently because they're poisoning the rats and the the rats are running around the owls eat the rats owls get poisoned They Had a we have overrun of rats in DC just and the rats behave like squirrels They just pop out they don't give up Yeah, and but people are training their dogs Do you after rats to go after it? I know you guys seen that video Yeah, but your dog again rabies you're talking at all kinds of shit. I mean most likely won't most likely your dog will fuck up And they're saying for people to please curb your dog because the dogs eat dog food, which is high in protein and the rats eat. Oh Whoa, let's hawk got that rat. It's still fucking right legs. Hawks are fucking awesome. Yes, they're so awesome He just starts ripping it apart He's a boy. There's a ton of videos of Eagles killing birds. Oh Oh Off with his head. Oh, give me that grace Jesus Christ. He's going yum, buddy Yeah, there's no morals involved in this. There's no thinking No nerves No, no remorse. That's gonna be a hard way to go to as a hard way to go because you're a shot all sudden these giant hands With claws that dig into your rib cage and you already know you're dead Yeah, that thing's grabbing you and it's flying off with you. You already know you suffocate because he's way I believe now from your ribs to you got holes in your ribs now You're probably gonna punctured long crushing just go hit it eat me already mother Christ On my way here today a bird dropped out of the sky when I was at a red light I was like, what the fuck was that? Tesla recorded me find out later. Oh, wow. I think I Think a bigger bird got a bird and its friends were trying to like get it back and then they dropped I'm gonna dropped it. Whoa, I could see other birds flying around as I went by but yeah bird on bird warfare is going on Oh, yeah, like if you just throw out stuff for seagulls, so you give it to one of them and they go no bitch Give me that. Yeah, it's like no fighters. I was watching a bunch of crows chase off a hawk there's all these crows that were like the Swarming in on this hawk trying to get the fucking hawk out of there. There's a hawk eat their babies get out of here, bitch They as far as flying maneuver they can was the Falcon is the one who can maneuver real good really fast Yeah, Falcons really fast. Yeah, where's the come in dive bombing like 200 miles an hour like Hawks more like a vet right Just yeah, but he can't yeah Well, they just swarm on him just fuck with him until he quits till he's burning off so much energy and he's so word out He's like I'll go find something else to eat. Have you have you have you ever done? That the comedy festivals in Australia. No, man shows me and I'll lubel, you know, I'll do yeah And it looks like when Batman, you know when they do the bat symbol, uh-huh Cuz you're just looking down at the ground. We had no idea about the fruit bats in Australia, you know They like they're like this big right? So you walk in and it's just like you like you see that I can must be a nightclub or something And then you see a whole bunch of them look up like I look at that me a lubel grid bars that I was freaking Its coat over his head Swimming by look how big they are they like two hours Really that's I'll be oh My god, and they're person. They're right in the city down a little Jamie. No worries See they're right in the city. They're not look at the size of that thing The woods these motherfuckers look at that guy holding one of the lady holding one of the top Look at the size of these things look and that's right at her. That's not in the wilderness. That's right downtown Sydney Wow Oh my god. What are those things eat? fruit Look at Jesus Literally like flying chihuahuas. Yes Australia is a wild place this So we were there and they have a big they have a big gala for the comedians So and it's right in Chinatown and they said hey, you know be careful because the triad is over there the little gang members Mmm, right in it, but they dress like they're in a video They don't you know that they don't they look like they should fight with what they got on They got like little suits Okay, so so me being the big tough American I'm like, yeah I walk into the car and cuz she has a train or dress and everything's black tie thing right and walk into the car and I saw the biggest rat ever Coming down the alley. He's just galloping right towards me. I'm like yo, look at that Yo, look at the rat and she goes she looks over and she goes Oh But by then Tony was gone I Can't believe you ran I can't believe you didn't run what the fuck I didn't know it was opossum that they're possum. Oh Right giant monkey rat. Yeah He's coming down the alley, you know, and I'm trying to tell her like come on. Come on. Come on And she's more worried about her shoes and shit My dog got one of those in the yard the other day and it played dead He just left a real possum American possum. Yeah They they have the creepiest faces like They do they do play possum. Yeah, they play pop and it works I watched a video the other day of one getting attacked Australian pop. Yes. Yeah, that's what she said. She said oh That's a cute little guy that dude. There's a pink little nose. He was coming down the alley He was running out. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty big. Yeah, that's pretty big. So oh, yeah It's dark. It's dark a giant rat giant rat. Well, Jesus red eyes Rabies I'm gonna get rabies in London. Fuck this. I Told I said I'll fight them dudes. I said it out loud. I'll fight them dudes with this because She waited right to the last moment looked over go. Oh Oh Tony was gone Peace bitch. I Saw a video of a coyote He gets a possum the possum plays possum and while the possum is laying there the coyote pisses on it and Then walks away. Oh you left it there Why did it? I don't know. I guess he's just like wanted like killed it. It's like good. I got it I'm gonna just leave it there. I'll eat it later. Let it rot out a little bit See snatches it And it just plays dead it stops moving so he's like oh, all right, I guess it's dead So he moves it around a little bit. It's playing dead. So he thinks it's really dead. So he pisses on it Just to market like these. Yeah watch gets over it. Okay, this is mine, bitch Somebody comes by I don't let these motherfuckers know shut this on my food. Yeah, I probably should Don't piss on real quick This is Lately his lunch his lunch. Yeah, that helps the the the food break down Maybe it's a marinade of some sort it up Just left it there because that's what they do a lot of times with cats They'll kill them and then they'll come back later and eat them when they're stiff Oh, I think they like I'm a little maggotty when this thing is. Yeah Yeah, I think well a lot of animals do that. They bury their food after they kill it because it I guess It's like curing meat or something Well, if I would imagine it gets a lot more moist or a lot more tender for all the meat is breaking down It's gamey. I Think they're probably just you well, I mean maybe they develop a taste for it Well, who is this is that I had someone in an idea the other day? It was he's like just the baddest little dude, honey badger. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah He fights like he's just asshole he's just yeah Ferocious little animal. Yeah This is good man, cuz I cuz I have probably animals all the time you have problems with animals. He just I don't know I got it I Got attacked by like what's it called pygmy goats? Really goats are mean sometimes this was I got a children's thing Yeah, and we're in London and it was kind of embarrassing. It's my effect. Uh, it was me. Bridget. He's around guy and Stu Kamens and We're in the Children's Zoo of London and we walked by I'm the only Virgo And it's a little monkey jumped on the thing. He just started screaming right at me I'm like really dude You can't fucking do that, right? You can't fucking do that And then we go to feed the little goats their little pebbles and I had on these red Nikes Then again, I was the asshole again because I kicked one There's a new you kicked him and so then they killed with the kids were like the little kick is the ghost was just making a beeline for my sneakers trying to eat them just Chewing on them and just fucking with him. Yeah, where Johnny was crying He does this with his ass. I saw him the other day. He looks like Miami Vice What's he doing these days? He's been there You know that what do you mean he's been there was that mean a Futurama. Oh He's been it's been there the whole time. I don't even what's Futurama. It's a Cartoon the cartoon, right? I never watched that show. I heard it's really good What when you hear his voice you go go? Oh shit. They see look at Johnny. Oh, look at that They were funny together, man, yeah red Johnny the round guy was it was a funny combination If I knew it's gonna be this type of party No, I say that. Yeah It's funny when you know guys as long as we have You know, yeah, yeah, yeah, look at them kids. I Mean Tony I've known you for like 30 years. Yeah, I'm a while What was it when I first came to New York? I was at 91. I just 91 I just come I just yeah released from military and I and that one week I did a Carolines comedy hour and deaf chain Wow, I was like boy this Carolinas gonna work out for me. I Had no idea a deaf jam was gonna blow like that. Yeah And I well, yeah speaking of animals I had done something on Showtime It's called a Leslie Nielsen national man pool comedy playoffs Right and it was they pick a comedian from all over the country go out to Vegas. We stayed in the Sahara Hotel Because my last name is woods. I had a suite. So the other guys had a regular room, but I had a suite and But on that show I tell a joke about Bigfoot I never saw Bigfoot But I was we were trained we were on training you do these Training where you'd go make maps and all this shit and we heard him you heard Bigfoot her big foot. Yeah, what's it sound like? Hey, I could still do that He does that but he everything you see on them stupid TV shows that happened. He threw a rock All the animals started running and a marine because you know He's the guy who knows where the markers are, but we didn't know what a markers were. He's the one who says hey We were out of perimeter. Have you guys ever heard of Bigfoot? He tells he was Native American But he said that and what were you guys what state like Nova Scotia Nova Scotia where they do cold weather training Hmm. Yeah, you have to make your own man. You sure they weren't fucking with you I'm pretty sure who did do that rock somebody that was fucking with you Honey fuck with animals to all animals ran to how you said they know how to get away These fuckers just they just did little mass exodus and it's a it's a old very skeptical Bigfoot I've never seen him, but I never heard nothing like that either But so what if you had him did it sound like it just sound it was it was it was a similar to You know, we're Luther Vandross Like when you hear him on a record is one thing but when you hear him live He's a little like that. He didn't sound like that, but it was the same power power Like hair on the back of your neck kind of what the fuck. Well, you know bears do that sometimes Bears especially when what what time of the year was it? It was it was winter because You listen to the wind is like it sounds like a train coming Determine where the wind is coming from and like get like going a tree or something because a lot of the Icicles are coming like darts. Oh, wow Jesus and that night we were joking about I was joking around about it and everything and one officer says, you know, this is a Facility and you know, we don't heard you're a comedian. We don't make you basically you can't you can't go on stage and go Hey, guess where I was at? So I just I was just in the joke. I'm just camping and we oh, I see Yeah, but there's nobody's in the military but we and in the joke, I actually do see Bigfoot. It's out So tell me so how did it happen? What was going on? What were the circumstances? We were laid out for me. Okay. Yeah you have You get because it's cold and it's raining. So we like in a little circle It was and it's kind of raining kind of sleeping and we're talking about well You know, we're gonna do this and do that because we're comparing shit and everybody's fucking up. We found out third marker first Like it's supposed to be like a two or three day thing Right and the good teams like you do it in the classroom for a couple days And then a team goes out team come back team goes out and some of the guys who weren't as good as us in The classroom will come right back in two days They just spent the night spent one night came back shit, man. We saw our third day though What and then our first marker was the third marker, but he couldn't help us. But then after we heard that he's like look You guys Cuz we all So how long did it take in total? Oh, we left right after that dog. He told us He didn't want to be there tomorrow we wanted to be there So, yeah, it's a lot of fudging going on. Oh, okay. Yeah good enough So you guys were out there and like explain to me what happened and who was telling you that it's Bigfoot Well, we all heard it Well, everybody's like what the fuck and then everything was running deer and everything was just like scurrying but we heard the You know, you throw a stick through through the branches. Uh-huh. He's still it's like it's just like a big something This flew through the trees and then as for he's he's kind of you know And of course we like fuck out here, right? But it was it was just it was just too weird to And he was like, yeah, you guys missed your other markers. I might know where they are so we just kind of When it got on our markers and went back to the base because we're out dude. We're out like 20 miles How you have to make it there with Bigfoot Well, I wasn't really worried about Bigfoot because from according to that dude Bigfoot don't bother you. I Was worried about the other animals. So that dude seen Bigfoot before I don't know if he's seen him before but he just said He don't but he just let you know when you gone too far in the woods Like nobody wanted to believe nobody ever says that he grabs you and do that He just does warning things just like on those stupid TV. She ever watch those shows With her to say it was yeah, and you see them the least successful successful show ever Yes, they've been trying to find Bigfoot for like eight seasons I've spent a whole day on a road like if I'm running my hotel. I spent the whole day. Oh shit. They about to get it They got me again, yeah You know, yeah, that's not those aren't so successful Yeah, I mean the best they get is like a sound Yeah, that's it. But that's all I got reality shows man. They're not really reality. They they fuck around They'd fuck around with editing, you know, I was on one of those what do you do the naked one a naked one? I had a uniform on and we all got bugs. Yeah The suffering yeah, so I don't know if they look at well How how bad can you get fucked up and how quickly can they get you to a hospital? Yeah, it's like like you say where are the the watchers? We're at a bright. Yeah, cuz I mean he's not safe People get did the one down the lady had snatched was all swollen Oh, cuz he said that bitter all up and everything cuz her cycle came and yeah No, how about that show alone? Oh See that show alone. Yeah, they do that on the show He shot a moose with a bow and arrow and then he had a killer Wolverine that was trying to steal his moose Whoo, and he was naked through all the day. Oh, no No, you would have made it yeah, yeah No, it's a lone is a show where you're allowed to have a certain amount of things, right? We had Jordan Jonas on the podcast He's a guy one. I think he wants season six. Is that what he won? Do you remember? Tony your phones right? Yeah, so that shit But that dude shot a moose with a bow and arrow Do not know how to do that is a little switch I know taking a picture Make it vibrate. You just hit this little thing. I thought it It it it vibrated all the other times. Oh, it has to pop up. That's what it is You have a phone case that has like a cover over your butt because I dropped my phone or not How much do you drop it? All right now? But I you know, I always do this like I drop it but I was catch it or kick it so that it never it never hits the screen Jamie's one of those risk takers. Yeah, we just got a naked follow naked phone. You got a case now. Oh It's got like it's got coverage on the corners and oh right that's the latest thing and that's been enough for you Yeah, I dropped it just the other day and like oh there. There's the one On your waist was an old man. That's an old man move Yeah, I know cuz I do that my sounds like you never see a hot girl with a phone on her hip Like a clip so if you saw a girl like a hot girl with like an iPhone Max Her hip what the fuck is wrong with her? That's weird, right? You like she's weird. I will go that is so convenient It's very good. Yeah Cuz you you can do this you you turn it you know what ladies have now they have like a thing that goes around their neck It's almost like a purse and they keep their phone like on hanging and you know a couple credit cards. Yes, yeah And that's a Mrs. Woods Your son told you that's dangerous. I'm like mom somebody could just take the whole and everything's got my mother has that Someone could snatch it. Yeah. Yeah, that's that's true, too. Yeah, I don't it's because it's all your baskets in one egg Something like that something like that You know, I'm gonna say yes, sir. Oh your eggs in one basket. Yeah. Yeah, you always got to be thinking about that I guess convenience and thievery That's why fanny pack is the best move and wait, hold up. Well, you know, Aruba Ray Ray Ray Allen Okay, you remember he does a show down in Aruba and I was down there and um, what what is this thing? She see urgent. Yeah. Yeah that got me down there. I didn't step. Oh, yeah, that's fucked up I just kind of I stepped on one of those I stepped on a fire ant hill on Saturday I Took those are those the big ones that bite. No, they're little ones But they thought they bought where they get you all over my foot. Look at my foot looks like I'll swallow That was just yesterday It's how's your foot? It's fine. Now. It's normal. Oh But I got stung like 15 times hoes look like that. Anyway, yeah Yeah My as a matter of fact, I got the thing and my baby toe too cuz my baby toe tries to leave Says you get the little rubber. Mm-hmm. Put it up bring it back up there like yoga toes Yeah, you see my toenails. You're gonna say thank you for your service But they my toenails got messed up when I was like The guys like 12 you remember mini bikes. Mm-hmm and a little with the little fat wheels Yeah, and I had on sandals Oh sandals back in the day with the tire treads on the bottom Oh, yes, I'm going down a hill and I had the little break with them It's like a plate that stops on the back wheel. I heard some go click Fuck it was not slowing down Yeah, and I just put my feet down and you know, of course the sandals come up How Jesus Christ, it's all healed. It looks painful right now, but it's good Oh, how long did it take to heal from that? I don't think they feel oh, yeah You know, it's just it is what it is. You know T-Rex, you know him? No Ty Rex. He too is a billboard He said he said so you're going too far with this woods thing because he's in my toenails the wood Okay Well, you have an excuse Yeah, you don't realize how helpless you have you if you just hurt your big toe in one of your feet You're like what the fuck this hard to move around This right here pinky pinky. Yeah pinky cuz your big toe because you turn that's That's your um signal. That's I don't that's how you pivot on and so the big toe and and and It piggy doesn't look like he's that important. It's true Your little ring finger and ring finger can reduce your grip strength by 67% of you lose them Wow, man, you need to follow me around you're hanging as much as 50% of your hand strength because you along with the ring feel it forms the power bottom of your of your hand with your While the thumb index finger and middle finger provide dexterity. Yeah That's interesting. I don't know if I thanks But it's it's right there. Yeah, but I don't know if that's universal Might be depending on what you do. Yeah, because if you grip a lot of stuff or you carry a lot of stuff I would imagine they would change Compensation cuz I fucked up my pinky in my whole hand was fucked up for a while Yeah, but I got my pinky slammed in a car door. I told you about that. It was numb forever It was not for like a month and a half Yeah, but I still did chin-ups. I could still do chin-ups I just just just didn't do anything with this pinky. It didn't seem to like reduce my strength by that much Here's it There's a test of six different grip methods one without the middle finger one without the ring and little fingers and they were both That was the lowest right? But is it is that also a function of mechanics though? Because if you're removing the middle finger Do you have the same leverage on those other fingers because they're all connected, you know, and a lot of times things This just looks thicker. You just everybody else don't realize how important the pinky is until it gets fucked Well, that's also now that I'm thinking about though Maybe it is true because maybe I should be thinking about what muscles of the forearm are pulling down and maybe these ones are stronger That's gonna bring up the pinky toe to it If you cut off your pinky toe you lose it's not all of your balance But you're gonna have to figure out how to balance again because it makes up a point of balance for you Wow Remember the Pope of Greenwich Village Yeah That was good Oh my god, that movie was amazing. Yeah. Yeah John Jones fucked his big toe up in a fight with Chelsun He beat the shit out of Chelsun and then got up and was doing the post fight interview and looked down and saw that his Toe was like flipped upside down his big toe was What did he faint? No. No, we got him. We sat him down. He was like, oh boy, and I continued to interview him His toe had flipped around his toe had flipped around Because that's how much pressure he was putting into trying to be Chelsun and up Like yeah, his toe is fucked up So we got That dude fucked up his own toe and to this day He fucked up his own toe because he was pushing off so hard when he was beating down Chelsun But to this day he has to fight with that toe taped up to this day Imagine like how much he lost from having an injured toe like that And he's still the greatest that shit hurts looking at her. It's looking at it. Yeah, that's crazy You guys you guys seen this new movie with woody harrelson? No, I haven't seen it's called the champions Well, he has he gets a dui so he has to go and uh, he has to go coach some guys with uh, uh, uh with with mental dis Not what they say disabilities. No, not disabilities challenges And that's one of the funniest parts of the movie because one kid who has soft bones he goes Are we gonna he said everybody get in get in your knees? I can't I wear my knee pads. Okay, don't worry about so in the big game He goes I think i'm gonna come out of the game because I think I sprained my finger He goes nah, you're good. You're gonna be okay. I'm telling you All twisted around it's it's like It's yes. Can you bring that up for the champion? That is a that is a funny movie, but I saw it's called the champions But I saw it on the plane And it's about a lot of people with with challenges So i'm laughing out loud And if people look over to see what's so funny and they go really asshole like no, no because they can't hear what i'm i'm hearing Because it's it's one kid in the movie And he always he grabs the ball and shoots backwards And then he does the step curry And they said he said he said he's the only one in the league who does that And he goes does he have a make he said no he'll never make it but he's the only one in league who does it He does this backwards it goes Like that Since he ever make it go no, I don't ever make it but listen he's the only one in league who does it like Wow, yeah, it's like what the fuck he's If you see the one with the finger that that finger is They got that on the trail that finger is it because they have to come out man. My coach here I think that's a see you see that height fixer This this is the best podcast i've ever been on So rambling yeah, because everybody else so watch you watch this Okay, it was just saying give me some volume this doesn't feel right Oh, geez you're gonna need your trainer, but I want to play the team needs me not like that they don't wait Guys have done that in fights before what just yeah, just to like pop their finger back in place Sometimes your your your joints get dislocated guys are blown pop their shoulders out popped them back in in the in between rounds Oh, well you you weren't in vegas. Oh, yeah vegas that happened. Do you know for uh skank fest? What happened they have uh, it was like karaoke for fighters. You just put your name on the list and get up and fight and they had a ring Did yeah, and it hit a ring and so they they played musical chairs And so boom whoever get a chair he sits over here in this corner And the next guy goes over there and then boom them two guys fight And whoever beats that guy whoever wins out of that two-minute round Then they do it again I said this guy who just won this one have to fight the next guy who loses musical chairs It was it was dope and then he popped he heard it go and his his shoulder went Like that it just went down like that and he says oh hold up hold up he goes He goes i'm okay and the guy goes nah, nah, man It's an Australian guy who he he's like a He's like you he he's at the fights and stuff like that. And that's his thing. Jason Ellis? I guess he's crazy. Jason's crazy because he the dude's shoulder go So Jason threw his shoulder out? No the other guy the other guy was fighting and then he goes he puts it back up He goes he goes that'd be okay. He goes no, Mike. Come on. No, Mike You've had enough give him my big hand Jesus christ, he said we got a doctor now Oh my god It would it kept doing that maybe it's a recurring injury. Maybe that's why he was so calm about it Yeah, maybe but he was he's worked up was the crowd was cheering, man It was we had to do it on fear factor once it was a bull rider and his shoulder was destroyed Like he had so many he had eight surgeries in one shoulder and he said like if anything happens It just pops out like anything very anything abrupt. It just pops out. It's gonna like pop it back in But I guess i'm just I forgot about fear factors so now I you cuz you're not Dude I have run out of the room Like you you just might be on instead of cutting it off What the fuck and it's like like the the the the worm thing eating stuff. Yeah, the eating stuff. I'm like, yeah You should have been there and smelled it The smell made it all horrific. They should have had smell vision for fear factor. They should have been able to Give you a dose of what that was because it was it was so some of that stuff was so nasty but You know, one of the ways they made it smell nasty was they would buy expensive french cheese Oh and make it nice. Yeah, there's some apparently there was a place in beverly hills that had like this funky fucking cheese like They all yeah, I guess some some of those folks that are like real cheese heads They like they like wild shit and this stuff stunk And people would you know just vomit opening up the fucking case to smell it and they would add that cheese And people pay big money for that stuff He do you ever go to gym road sideshow? No Yeah As a matter of fact, we went to edinburgh the first time That's the first time I've ever seen something like that because the guy he does something He swallows all of this stuff. It's It's I don't know if it's it's vomit or it's a bitch and his beer is a whole bunch of nasty shit and um, and then We were in a big tent and somebody went and they threw up and then It's like everyone's just barfing Just like that. Just yeah, I had never seen that before and a whole tent smell like that cheese you're talking about Wow. Yeah edinburgh festival is grunge is is skank festival to the hundredth power Really? Really? Yeah, is that wild? It's that one. It's a month too, right a month in the rain with kilts on no draws Just getting it That's the first time I took ed by accident by accident. Yeah, because this guy Um, he goes he I said he said he said how'd you boys get along last night? He's talking to me and greer. I said it was it was good, man. I got a headache though today He goes would you fancy a pill? Right I you know today at aspirin and he he pulls out some pills on a napkin He turned to do get a beer or something like that and I went well, you know because they're so small like These are like obviously children's aspirin. I need all three kaboom Oh, wow. Yeah, then wash it down with ribble and uh And then greer's like woody what's up? Like what? He said that he said that was for all of us. Maybe oh You got a headache too? Yeah, but it was yeah. Oh my god. It was fun I mean I not nothing. Okay, I did the next morning. I woke up and I pooed it Yeah color with it so so yeah, oh no, yeah, but other than that the night is fine. No, I just shit it but listen like a shark Like a shark, you know a shark shark you shit your pants because we partied we had a good good time We had a good good time and I and then you know, you know, I wake up and I'm like, oh man, that was crazy and then like oh That's the guy Do you think that's for the pills? I think that's yeah because I got more control in that Just go around I don't just go around shit on myself I just I didn't like the the that was the first time I ever did that And people always go it's so good. So it's just too Disney world for me because it made me like, you know We're just kind of fighters. I saw it was a little guy there You could I'm not gonna say midget dwarf. Look it was a little happen Boom with a big red afro a big orange afro and I was like Looking at him like with the oh like oh like a leprechaun Oh From across the river goes what are you looking at blackie? And I was thinking wow blackies here because that's my man I was just on some other super happy shit, you know, right and this guy's getting mad at you. He was yeah he's bad, but But yeah, he he do nothing. I mean he was just mad I'm like on ecstasy getting yelled at yeah, he says what's the little battle guy goes? What are you looking at blackie Pirate talk Everybody was so upset with him for calling me blackie He already lost the fight himself because everybody's like no you can't do that. You're women are crying shit Like I'm like Oh my god, man, if you live in an environment where it rains that much If you live in an environment like that, it's tough to be happy I bet but the grass is fucking green. It must be The grass is in the color over there. Yeah, it's like it's just beautiful and then And it's just not so good for people. Yeah I said it's one of the best comedy clubs ever the stand is in glasgow And no lie. It's about this. It's about as big as this room. Really? And the people just in there and she's just like nice It's it's it. Yeah, it's really good I mean the energy of it. That's all doing the festival you know up in scotland all the people english people come up and you just gotta Just just have a show you can have it. You can have a show like that Just do just go over do two or three days just to say you did it Just to say you did it because we we always had a ball over there, uh What's his name remember my man master lee master lee No, you remember master lee do I? Yes remember he passed out that time He's going today. I move over there and he gonna break the board You know remember that was he guy on tv you're talking about. No, he was at the boston comedy club with us Oh, I don't remember that guy master lee he did shows in the park with charlie Okay, and he used to break boards on his head. Yeah But just one time he got dizzy. How do I forget this? One time I got dizzy only one time? Just one time It's funny. Yeah, you know about the way I come that's him kind of remembering him now I'm gonna read my haikos anyway So For those of you who don't know haiku is japanese for really short poem Now the beauty of haiku is that the original haiku poets Could express her deepest emotions. Okay in seventh kind of head to this Let me see the board break park He said are you ready to see me break the board yeah, that was the whole build up this is the whole build up too Now I know why they call it kamikaze Wow, that's silly Uh, that's such an easy thing to do. I'm gonna break a board. Yeah, it's very easy. It's true I got hit with baseball bat That's very different. Yeah, like boy those boards snap pretty easy It looks impressive because you think of wood, but it's pine And they're they're thin. They break pretty easy. Well, i'm sure yeah, I wouldn't get the hard one That would be good. Yeah, I can't believe you don't remember him. I don't remember him. Maybe it's because of that Breaking the board over the head. Maybe I blocked it out Because I used to have to do uh board breaking demonstrations When we would open up a new school a new martial arts school, they'd send us to a new place like they had affiliates Were you doing martial arts then? Yeah. Yeah when I was a teenager you you were high school when I met you weren't you? No, no, no when I met you I was like 23, I think Yeah Remember that bit that's hilarious Is Well, the one in the nine. So what school is that? There's some schools. Yeah, it was a college college, right? Yeah That's right. Yeah, I saw carrie brazer the other thing. I was in miami. Remember carrie brazer. Yeah, she was one of the agents And remember rick rick dauphin carrie liz, uh, rest in peace. Um Don't say that I forgot Oh man, I forgot it. As long as you don't it's okay if you say rest in peace. Yeah, right. Don't remember the name Well, you know jason and uh, yeah, she was the nicest lynn From a lynn. She was the sweetest girl Yeah and uh, oh and berry That whole scene man. What an interesting scene in comedy in like the early 90s in new york. Yeah It was so it was very exciting. It was when like Mtv half hour comedy hour was pumping death jam was popping all these different shows were happening It was like there was an explosion Of shows that a comic could get on and then commercials remember regie mcfadden was dr. Pepper. Oh, yeah Yeah, that was his intro Dude, I talked about regie mcfadden all the time. Yeah, that's my man He was the guy that when I saw him, I was like, there's no way this guy's not the next eddie murphy Like that guy was talented He doesn't really do stand-up anymore, right? I I I don't know Uh, let's say he's here to diamond mine or something like that If you got a diamond mine, I think you need that I'd still just stand up. Yeah in the diamond mine You don't want that You don't want to consolidate your businesses but You would still do stand-up if you had a diamond mine Yeah, I still do stand-up for free. Yeah, I still do stand-up. It's it's uh like dave chappelle was talking he was like Like how we do and how we get how we get over how we get through it. It makes us feel good It makes us feel bad all of that shit and you know you can You know you can release all this stuff, you know, because uh When I lost my son everybody's like hey man go sit on the couch and everything And I actually took the advice and I went down to the va And I was because I was so, you know hurt broke up and and but you don't get it's not like television You don't get to sit on your own couch. It's like a group session, man And it was two young guys in there, man Both of them had like titanium legs and everything they go. Yeah, oh man. I saw your television man. Can we take a picture, man? and you know and I was like I was like I I got my thing but But even with my I felt sorry for for them because these guys look like there's like 18 20 i'm like I'm i'm i'm hurt because of the son I lost and Because of what happened to them. They may not even get to have A you know i'm saying so yeah, so i'm like this ain't so what stand-up brought me and not talking about him But just still getting down because that's because it's because of him. I had the nerve to do it in the first place I used to go to comedy cover yeah, I went to a comedy club my first open mic and This guy kemily was juggling and he dropped the bowling ball like on television Nobody ever drops in he dropped the boom and it only goes get the fuck out of here. Get your shit And he's spraying him from behind the back where lysol the people are screaming. They think it's part of the show I thought it's part of the show, right? and then I And then and then William stephenson goes up and goes next we got a new guy Ladies, just put your hands together for tony woods Shit I'm not going up there because if it's like it was like That's how people were panting why how hard he had ripped and wow I forgot to point us making but What was I talking about? Yeah, but we were getting to something but I What were we talking about? You're talking about a guy juggling on stage and dropping a ball, but I didn't know where you were going Well, yeah before that I was telling you Don't worry about it your son encouraging you to just stand up and help you get over. Yeah. Okay. Yeah He didn't encourage me but he was born and when he was born i'm like, right shit. I could do this I could do anything stand up ain't nothing Changing diapers, bitches Yeah, so so that's that's what really you know because i'm like I am someone's dad Yeah This is hard shit stand-up comedy cannot be as difficult as this And it was not but that's and so When I lost him like I wanted to just stop everything plus I still got two other sons Can't just stop and say hey everybody i'm sad. You gotta keep it moving, right? And so it stand yes that is our you know, look at how fucking funny it's gonna be when you go on stage talking about an tore your toes up Somebody else gonna have ps2. I think the fun part's gonna come and how I kill them all Yeah, that's the fun part. They're fucked. This is war But just think of somebody who's not a stand-up. They're not fuck. I gotta take a couple days off work man Fire ants tore me up last week That's it I didn't take last night you got 20 minutes BAM I did get an IV in between shows That helped. Oh, yeah, what was that IV do? Um, well the one you get different ones do different things, but um, I got a high dose vitamin c and nad combination And they also uh put some kind of a Dexa my form some I forget what it's called, but it's not like it's not gonna make you poop, right? No, no make you poop Why is it no because i've been drinking this tea It's called morongo or morang is from it's poop tea It's yeah, because I was the the thing clearly says take one every day, you know in the morning Borma gave you energy all of this and Just took I drank like three cups of tea the other day if you really want Sorry for the description, but if you really want shit to rock it out of your asshole drink kale shakes You have to I used to drink kale shakes every morning And then I wouldn't have these shits where I was like I gotta get to this toilet in time and it's all coming out at once It's not this is not gonna be a long journey. This is just gonna be a It just loops the old pipes up thank goodness for bike pants Yeah, so, you know, I ride my bike around a bike and I just you know Went to this place all this health food shit and he did think the fucking kale shake I'm like, well, you know why drink Gatorade when I can drink that right? Don't do that Because I was almost my bike was in the car. I was driving and you know, i'm driving i'm like I ain't gonna make it I don't want to I don't want to sit in it, but I ain't gonna make it So you're like sitting up your hunch that while you're driving I got on bike pants, but I got my uh shorts on over my bike Oh boy, like yeah I just went you know, we just go And it's no use of going uh stopping right take this all the way to decree yeah take the l Yeah, and go to your house. You're sitting up in the car like this people looking at you and hope you don't have to get in the elevator with anybody It is I was like And my mom was like it's a cleanse. What do you think that means? You know, I didn't think about that. Well, it definitely Makes you shit a lot but a lot or just because it just well, it's all it's a lot of fiber, you know And it's a lot of moisture. It's a lot of liquid a lot of fiber and just It's all lubed up good for you, right? The um, I think there's a lot of nutrients in it There's a question about whether or not you should have that much raw kale Uh because it's high in oxalates and in certain individuals they've had issues with oxalates that lead to things like kidney stones That could also be genetic too. I think um, but the oxalates I think in high doses They think like a lot of raw spinach and a lot of raw it's like a balance, you know Some of it's good for you too much of it is probably not so good for you Well, the reason the reason i'm drinking this stuff now Is uh because I went to the doctor like last month and they said my What your psa number psa? Uh-huh because both my grandfathers both passed from prostate cancer So he's basically the doctor said you don't What they're doing is I got to go back next week for some more results of more tests And So far the options is I think it's like some angelina jolie stuff like he says With these levels if it's not there now It will be soon. So well, it's just and I I just I never heard anybody have removing That so removing your whole prostate i'm like so i've been a little stressed out lately Is there other ways that they can mitigate that's what i'm trying to i'm trying to figure out read an article What else can I do? I read an article about this guy Who had very high rates and they wanted him to do something and he decided to try doing a cold plunge every morning and then he went into like a ketogenic diet And apparently he radically lowered his his numbers So and it actually even elevated testosterone. Tell your listeners to help me radically lower my Well, I think that's that might be a way but Do you have a place near you that has a cold plunge? I don't know but okay. Do you have a yard? Yeah, you have a like ice bucket. Yeah, I mean you just you basically need Yeah, you could do in a tub for sure. But if you get one that's outside that stays cold all the time That way you you don't have to fill the tub up and every morning you just get in it You mean like to just to just sit in it in your body Underwater for like three minutes and and it'll bring your psas down it'll bring well with this guy I mean, I don't know if this is just his case, but what this guy did was twofold He did that every morning and then he also went on a ketogenic diet. So he for he stopped eating sugar He stopped eating anything that is, you know He is I think it's like I don't know what the fat to protein ratio is but there's like a ratio Well, your body's just burning off fat and that's what he went into and apparently that's a good diet for people that have cancer, too So this guy lowered his his rates now. Is that anecdotal? Yes, that's it. Here it is How are lowered my psa with ketosis and ice baths the prostate protocol? Okay. So this guy has a morosco. I have one of those at home. They're awesome. And we have a Yeah, and we have one here called the blue cube that's awesome, too. It's actually even more brutal Because the water stays on like flowing really fast So an email from morosco power user asked me about the protocol I used to bring my prostate specific antigen down from 7.0 to 1.8 nanograms per milliliter says I purchased a morosco about a year ago, blah blah blah uh Okay, so this is the question the guy's asking the question and say he is this psa's no no down right so then the answer The guy explained what he did And is that it hold on go back up right there Right there the prostate protocol the most essential Sensational finding in my blood test results was not so much the improvement in my psa but the elevation of my testosterone To levels that were nearly unheard of for an overweight 56 year old man I wrote about it in detail what happened to my testosterone after using ice baths to treat my prostate I've since updated that article to include more of the science behind how it works and describe What I did that worked for me. However, it's not possible or it's possible that not every man is seeking to boost His testosterone for example my girlfriend who generally seems pleased with the results of my t levels has already mentioned that she'd rather I didn't do anything to push them higher Interesting but more importantly some men have experienced concern that their doctors suggested higher testosterone levels may lead to increased increased prostate cancer risk Okay, this is a long article. Um But his protocol was kept his ice bath at 34 degrees Plunge up to his neck for two to four minutes an average of six days a week So that gives me 20 minutes of extreme cold exposure for a week Which is enough to activate my brown fat and maintain high glucose sensitivity um, then fasting for 24 hours once a week and then cycling in and out of keto in addition to intermittent fasting Low carb several days a week so it can be sure he reaches ketosis Doesn't stay in ketosis for more than a few days when i'm ready to come out i'll indulge with fresh Bread or a croissant or a favorite dessert or fruit in season? Okay, I enjoy good red wine a dark beer blah blah blah All right. So then there's this disclaimer. I don't know if the ice bath prostate protocol will work for you Maybe you'll adopt every practice that worked for me only to discover that it does not work for you Everybody is different nevertheless. If you decide to try it will you share your results? Yeah So try it try that Hey, yeah, you know before they do surge. Yeah, i'm good, you know, because he said it like he was taking out my wisdom tooth, dude Yeah, yeah, he said yeah, we could just remove you Yeah, slow down and if this works, I mean if it worked for that guy is his level similar to what your level is Mine was five and what was his seven? Oh, so yours yours is better than his already. Yeah, but he's his is gone Yeah, his went away. Yeah, you might be able to do it But you'd have to be real strict with your diet and you know, I saw him take candy and a syrupy stuff and you know Well all that stuff The time you stop eating that stuff your body has to still recover from when you're eating it Like all the damage that you've done But it's just not real food and that's most of what people consume and when you start consuming real food, are you vegetarian? No No, maybe I don't think that's the way to go either I don't think that's the way to go for health and I also don't don't think it's the way to go for conservation and animal management it's like Yeah, we live the reality of the world is you have millions of cows and millions of chickens The real problem in the world when it comes to meat is factory farming. That's the real problem there's a lot of regenerative farms that Raise livestock the way people have for thousands and thousands of years and that's great and you can get food from them Why do we have so much so many chicken wings? So chickens, bro. I know but it's It's Old guys wings now just don't think about the breasts like how many places sell breasts a lot like everybody who wants a caesar salad With chicken breast. That's an honest sees wing buffalo. Wild wings hot wings. Yep. Oh true. Wow wings. Yeah Yeah, it's a lot of wings a lot of wings. Yeah, a lot of independent wing places. Yeah, yeah, but fucking wings Do you remember that place in the village these have a place in the village yeah right down the street you yeah Bro they had that death sauce. Did you ever have the death sauce? Yeah, whatever they called it. It was like the the highest level Yeah, I just tasted I never ate that shit. It was good though. It was delicious It was delicious, but it was just insanely spicy the place next door to the cellar. There it is. It's still open. Oh What's the place next door to the cellar? The swarm of place. Mmm. I don't know Okay, you know the cellar the steps on here the place. Yeah, I don't know No, I never ate there. You're the pizza place in the corner Which I? Didn't do the cellar very many times you did Boston. I did Boston I did a lot of shows at Danger Fields because Danger Fields felt like a road room Yeah, so it goes on the road. You know it didn't even feel like a New York room I worked there the first time by accident by accident by accident I came up I came up to New York for the summer to do my reserve duty What I'm trying to think what I think it's 80 Yeah, it's 87 So you send a videotape in of your? You know comedy I sent it to this club called who's on first Said to him I go with some other guys from Who's doing reserve duty with me as you know, man? You could be yeah Yes, we go up there together and I walk in it's busy. It's like a Friday or Saturday night and I say yeah I'm Tony wizard gave you a video good tape and she said okay. Well, you know sit over there I'll get such and such whoever then he comes out some other guy comes into the he is Tony here I'm like, yeah, I'm Tony. Come on. You're open to boom go in Fuck kill bang come on stage. Yo, they need somebody a danger feels He says he says well the guy Tony just came off stage bang. I said, where's danger feels? He kind of looked at me like what it was across the street when the danger feels and went on stage after Roseanne But Roseanne had like a bow Wow and everything and I went up there did it did another 10-minute spot kill And there's some guy named Tony. I still have not seen this guy. It's a white guy. He's like maybe He's like in his 30s or early 40s then and he was like, hey, what the fuck what's going on here? He was a sky-doh my spots But they told me you cuz I was innocent, but I wasn't that innocent, but Yeah, I'm new wasn't your spot. That's hilarious I knew danger feels was definitely not my spot But when it when the MC said Tony whoever as I'm walking on stage, I'm like I don't know. I'm not gonna correct that motherfucker. Okay, I'm sad. I just went up there my thing I figured they just misunderstood my name on the videotape. I honestly thought That the guy had seen my videotape and go. Oh this guy's gotta go. He's got it. Come on They were calling some other name Tony. I don't know who he was. That's Because I was so when I came back to New York in 91 he I Never saw that guy. So he's I guess his road kind of Tony somebody always check around It's funny people that you meet early in your career and just Lose touch with them and then catch up with them again. It's a strange road to be on Yes, be a professional comedian for all these many many years You know meet somebody like they really they're really good really funny like in the beginning And then you just run across them when they go. Hey, man, how you doing? Still doing your comedy. I said I catch you on TV every I always tell my wife about you Bob And like he might be doing he's like super successful. Well, you know, like I ran into a guy the other day He's a pastor runs his own church and this and that he said man. I'm proud of you, man I'm glad you stuck with it, man and like Because because I remember being at that crossroad just like he was like was you gonna do dog? What are you gonna do? I'm like What are you gonna do? Yeah, I really didn't make up my mind till I was in Birmingham, Alabama with my man Rest in peace again Vic Henley We did the Birmingham Comedy Club and that's when they called me. So you've been activated now. I've been messing around I was doing comedy. I was in the reserves, but now they tell me you've been activated You're going to the war and I was like damn And I remember Vic say man. Don't worry about him. He gonna be okay Tony, man He remember Vic Henley. Yeah, I mean it's my fact. He's open up for uh What's his name tonight at the club? Come on, man? Uh Blue collar he brought white brown. Yeah. Yeah, he's too wrong. Yeah Yeah, I know. Yeah, I did a OB Nancy with him once. Yeah, I believe I'm telling me Phone hey, he's always say he said and didn't that tell you gonna be okay? Yeah Be an Anthony with him. I did something with him. I can't remember Maybe yeah, he was oh but he was on a OB and Anthony quite a bit. Yeah Good dude, man me him and a guy named Chris Kelly Chris Kelly was a little guy from Yeah Hey, what? Here's a little guy from what? Burman man. No, he was from Huntsville, Alabama, but we were all on show And a guy from an ever serving in a bastard. He he held the phone everybody I was about to go on stage and later Tony got an emergency phone call in the office I'm like, is it a woman cuz I'm like it wasn't my mom or my wife I'm you know about the kids and and she said it's in my hand. I'm like I Know I figured it's one of my buddies going a man. Can you hook me up with a show? Can you have free tickets when I did my thing? I was on stage maybe like 20 25 minutes came down Watch the whole big Henley show and then we're gonna leave we're gonna go get something to eat and then she says That man still holding for you in office town. I picked up the phone. I said hello. He says petty officer woods. I'm like Let me go get him. He says go a woos man. I know that's you Fuck that cuz cuz as long as they didn't contact me. I have to show up. It had to show up And from there I was supposed to go to Old what's called? So if you don't have phone you would have had to go anywhere. Yeah, I mean until they caught me Yeah When I wasn't running I just had not gotten the call yet it wasn't like now we could just yeah What you want that easy to put your fingers on back there? And that's interesting and I'm a road comic. I'm on the road, right? You know all you can do is call my house and say well Let me know when he'll be back or you believe a message and if you if he'd have left a message He know I was not gonna answer that shit My machine broke it motherfucker And I was supposed to go to Ocala and then Fort Myers and then Key West It's there I went to bowling and for space Jesus Christ, okay, but having something that sucks afterwards you got a lot of shit to talk about. Yeah So this cool man about Thank you for your service. That's what they say Yeah, I'm glad I got that Wild doing stand-up and being in the service at the same time. It was cool. Well, I Wasn't I wasn't doing yeah, I wasn't well when I went back I was a little bit of a celebrity at Camp Lejeune because I was on um a Show called tell me something good on BET like most people didn't have BET back then As a matter of fact when the guy told me he says hey Do a show I work for BET. I'm like, I don't you know, he's like he's just like another He's like another Virgo with a business card to me. I'm like, you know, yeah, man. I produce this now produce them Like come on out here. Right? But he said I produce a show. I said what's that same? He says black entertainment television Next day my wife called me at work. I was a bike messenger to My wife come and my dispatches say yo You gotta give a landline and give the rest of your packages off to such-and-such I'm like for what just emergency phone call guy call you I'm like fuck It's a call and she said you got to go home and done it at all And you should wear this and wear that way this I'm like for what she says you gonna be on television I see you know, I'm like, what are you talking about? She says yeah the guy from BET call and I called him back and I'm like, yeah I've met that motherfucker last night said he had he worked for some people called black and same with television She says yes, that's a real thing Tony Mike for real. I was like I was on some June team shit. I know I Was like for real we got our own network motherfucker you guys can go That's so basically it was kind of a for me because I was like everybody knew about this network with me Right and that's the first and so but anyway, so when I'm down there in campus room people know me say And this is the misconception about television everybody's like, man, what you doing? Hey, man, you rich Because I was we got $100 a day for that show So but people watching on television they figured Yeah, they just assume you're rich. They're assuming rich. Yeah As a matter of fact, we went to go see New Jack City and The guy says when I got in a fight that night cuz I was already frustrated And rock was in there. He says so do you know him? I'm like, yeah, I know him. Yeah, right Me makes the way me and rock and Tommy Davidson had done a comedy tour called the slit small lickable Comedy toy It was we went to Chicago. We went to a lot of places man Me time with Davis and then and then you know, you know you to to me I felt like I'm stuck here. I don't know how long this war gonna last I don't know when you know saying and then you see guys you work with and then television and stuff Like I'm in the movies and stuff and this fucking asshole is going you think you bad cuz you know like And we got in a fight at what's the place where you pull up and they roll escape bring your food I Know what you're talking about one those. Yeah, yeah roller diners or wherever they call. What do they call those things? Just diners. Yeah, Jacksonville. No, can I we got a fight? We got a fight. It was bad Because I couldn't take it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Should I say this on the pocket? Yeah, cuz I went to the ATM to get some money, but my ex-wife had a took all my money I guess she a power of attorney So I have money go see the movie where I saw my buddy in the movie and then this motherfucker screaming at me Going yeah, he said well, do you know him? Do you know him? I'm like, I know Chris Rock. I don't know the other guy Yeah, he was just it Then we got to the place Sonic is that I think it's not Sonic get to the place I got a bar of money from one of my other buddies and that motherfucker just go on Next thing you know, he got banana milkshake all over him I wasn't really fighting him. I think I was fighting it the person who cleaned out my bank account. Yeah, he just caught you on a bad day He just killed me on him. Oh, it was a bad day because we were almost late for the movie man Because we stopped at three different ATMs because I'm like, well, maybe it's this one Maybe maybe something's wrong with this because I know I got some money Oh Don't worry about woods man. Fuck it. I'll just pay you away So guys popcorn too Yeah, see comedy is very therapeutic well it it it's definitely the only way Other than time to take a negative and turn into a positive. Yeah Comedy can do it pretty quickly. Yeah, it can it can change your perspective on things pretty quickly Yeah, I feel better about the bathtub Yeah, that's been hanging heavy on me man just it's because that dude said hey we just remove it yeah Um You should probably try this. I am at least that's that's and I figured this was this a god sin because because all of a sudden Because i'm like I watch you and i'm like Joe seems to know a lot of shit. I'm pretty sure he might have an answer did my primary care doctor doesn't have Bam, that's ridiculous Boom I just got lucky that I read that article. That's all it is But that I have been doing the cold plunge for months now For I guess like more than a year you do like for very regular like every day for months. Is it for pain? No, I do it because it makes me feel really good When I do it then I get out of it you get this rush of endorphins that last for hours and you feel amazing You feel way better. Do you know what? I know Right next to my mother's primary care doctor on wisconsin avenue And and it's not dc. It's really uh, but that's the There's a place right next to it and i'm like See see see that's the i'm gonna tell you something about racialism racialism it can be so ignorant Because I saw the people on the picture sitting in tubs of ice And I said those scorpios are crazy And now now i'm thinking Boom, maybe that virgos just sit in that ice too because no I just had that that thought of us leaving out of the doctor doctor's office right here and it's a place and i'm like Who is going there? Yeah, what no you waste your time. Like what is a cold plunge? Why? Yeah, like Right. Yeah, but on the picture, it's like, you know, it's yeah Everybody's a scorpio. Well, there's like a couple of things are happening at the same time one of one of them that's happening is your your body is trying to protect itself by like Rushing all the blood to the center of your body like there you're you're fucking freezing in that thing. Everything's like And you have a hard time breathing because you can't relax, but once you learn how to just accept it Like that then you just breathe you just breathe And if you do it for about for me, it's three minutes I get out after three minutes and I feel fucking amazing. I feel like uh more relaxed more In tune more ready to go. I know I talk about it so much. It's getting annoying. I should probably stop talking about it It's it's it's in it's uh It's in Bethesda They have them all over the place, but this one is right and Bethesda's right. But do you know DC Binnie? Yeah, it's right in his neighborhood. You know, uh DC Binnie and what's the other one? The uh Is her neighborhood too Well, whoever you should you should get in one. I'm gonna get in yeah, I'd be interested if you follow I'll send you that Um that article I know that one right there. They're just and I just remember thinking see stupid yeah, I was uh Because you know, I tell my kids that like how ignorant Uh hate is because you can't hate somebody and like you gotta love somebody to truly hate them You know, you just can't hate somebody you gotta know them Like you can't just say I fucking hate all steel pitchers. You've never met a steel pitcher so You can hate I try to tell them that when they were kids you can hate Your wife because you know her You get that that that woman across the street with the orange dress you can't say I fucking hate the lady with the orange dress You don't know her but that right there And so so yeah, but uh and uh I did a bit about I was in Australia and I was in a tent another animal story. I'm sorry I was in a tent and these people rushed by me because of me stop like mink dink dink dink dink dink dink dink dink dink dink like that and they Running like maybe 10 people like a small group They weren't together but they were running like and i'm like fuck you're not gonna miss that much of the thing, right? And they go by me because you it's a hallway is round because the tent is round And as soon as I turn around it's a tiger Yeah, a real tiger. His face is like this big He's just he's right there He has the saddest little look on his face And then I always say because this is what happened like four or five guys who sound like they've been eating peanut butter jelly sandwiches With no jelly. They were like Because they were filipino, but i'm not being racialist that's descriptive And they were popping him with some little thing and they pulled him and it kind of pulled him away But he just he was just wandering and when he wandered those people ran they drug them I don't know what happened. Yeah, they drug. He was very docile. I went to a tiger park in thailand and uh, it's weird because when they're young there's a lot of supervisors in the room and You know, there's like people that make because the young ones are like fast and playful And then when they get like a little bit older someone always has to separate you from the cats But then when it gets to the big ones those big ones just lay there dude like this. Yeah his head Was yeah this big other huge and people sit next to them and take selfies So you have drugged up tigers in a cage and people like sit next to them and that's the thing that people do Yeah, so the point I was making about how silly racist and how stupid it is Because when they almost knocked me down, you know, I got I not popcorn But actual corn on the cob to that report from the vendor was knocked me down and I was angry because they Ran by me almost knocked me down and I was I Well on stage I say fucking Australians, but that's not what I say right then under my breath I just say that loud, but then I turn around boom. It's not that they were white or australian It's a goddamn tiger was coming I don't know how that explains itself, but you know what I mean Yeah, yeah, because at first I was just saying Said something bad about them because they almost knocked my soda down and my pop and my corn, but It could have been a group of black people which I know would have got knocked down because they would have been running faster And then They've been screaming dude, they were the quietest group like If there was a tiger behind you you say You say something they just Fucking everybody look nervous They just ran and I think somebody could say run dude our Tigers come shit They just ran they just ran past me nobody If I was running and you were coming this way I would go dude here comes a tiger like that. I would write I wouldn't just go I wouldn't just go better you than me motherfucker That's got to be one of the most terrifying ways to die. Yeah, there's probably nothing like it Unless you're a rat and it's an eagle right That's probably but it would be about the same wouldn't it because it's his big ass hands were just gone Yeah, they would just tear you apart But i'm just thinking for us It'd be one of the scariest. Yeah, because our brain is not gonna You're gonna feel him you're gonna hear him crunch your leg. Oh god. Yeah, and Oh, he's gonna he's gonna kill you first Have you ever noticed like a lot of animals like you were talking about how the monkeys ate how the chimps ate the monkeys? Yeah Because I think the the butt is soft and Like that's like yeah, yeah the guts the gas. Yeah, so they're not gonna bite your head Right, they're gonna start the head will bite back. Yeah, they're gonna bite your butt out It's it's a horrible video. No, it's literally screaming That's my dick, man Imagine if there were things as big as chimps that ate us You had to be real careful when you go outside Hippopotamus because nature does have this very strange balance Like I watch a lot of videos on praying mantises. I'm obsessed with praying mantises. It's such a fascinating insect What would they do? They're they kill hummingbirds They kill like small rodents. They kill all kinds of anything that comes near them Appraisal in epi. I know dude, they kill hummingbirds They hang around bird feeders and they snatch hummingbirds out of the air. You never seen us praying mantises are Fascinating. I never heard they could do and so the video that I watched was these ants Killing a praying mantis the praying mantis was trying to kill the ants but the ants like swarmed on top of them and then Systematically cut off his head. It was Yeah, jimmy's gotta find uh praying mantis uh gets uh hummingbird but in uh, What was it? Who was that? Woody Allen's movie? when uh Christopher walking was the praying man is I don't remember that so check this out. There's a praying mantis, right? Here comes the bird Watch this though. It's wild Seems to know not to get too close to it. Look at that. Bam. Got you. Got him didn't it? Isn't that insane? I mean look at that Fucking power that insect has how's he that much stronger then it's because he's because he's it's the person who is They didn't want it to keep happening which is rude because that bird's dead Now that you just fucked up. Oh, he didn't want what what uh, he just hooked him with he's got hooks for hands They have like the end of their their uh hands they just clap down on things They're like these look at these bar Yeah He snags them And look how fucking strong they are Arachnids, uh, like spiders. There's there's so much stronger than they would be If they were a person like with our kind of anatomy our size, you know skin and bones and all that stuff that design Of that exoskeleton design that a lot of these insects have along with this insane leverage they have You got like daggers. Yeah, but he he's also just stupid fucking strong Yeah, he just I saw him just do that. I didn't know they they're They're so much stronger than a like a little mammal would be if it was that size, you know Like these things are insane. Like look at the fucking body structure on it Like just that video we're gonna kill a snake. Oh, he's gonna eat the fuck out of this snake Dude, they eat the fuck out of everything It's I mean it's an amazing design I Mean look at those the hooks that he has for these arms. Yeah, I see all of that spikes So I don't like this because this they show they're showing this to us Why didn't they show us the kill shot? He's ready. That's a really small snake though That looks like they gave him that snake They're gonna eat motherfuckers. They did it for the they did it for the gram This one is too. It's like a setup fight. Oh, so the lizard eight. Oh boy. They have setup fights Oh, yeah, there's a website for this where you can watch all sorts of insects go at it so that lizard Mantis and a scorpion who wins that one? You know like I don't like dog fights I would not want to watch a dog fight but I do He's winning everything. I do not mind watching Mantis and scorpions do battle with each other Here we go Boy, I don't know Scorpion looks like he's gonna fuck him up No, he already sick he's getting What's happening? What's happening here? Scorpion as a shell. What is he doing? He's just climbing on him. No, you see these? Yeah There's other bugs that the mantis wants so he's gonna steal these other bugs So it's like are they gonna fight over food like what is the mantis, uh, what does the scorpion eat? I feel like this must be a trap Let's get stung Oh, he's so he's gonna eat on him. That's how disrespectful that mantis is Look how disrespectful he is. I'm gonna stand on ui eat Yeah, and that's his whip right there crazy Wait, okay. Now he's decided to eat the scorpion. Yeah. Oh my god Fuck you, too, bro If he eats this fucking scorpion think about how small that thing is in comparison to the scorpion. He cannot No He's got one hand. He's got one hooking. He's trying to eat the scorpion He's using the wall for leverage. He's using the wall for leverage. Look at this He's climbing the cage Does he give up after a while can you not break the surface? Oh my god, he's still going Obviously it's poison who fucking wins. Oh, it looks like the what happened back it up a little he fucked him up Yeah, he fucked up. Oh, he fucked up. He got caught in the the pictures. Oh, that's all they give you they don't show it Interesting if I was them two I'd make you a pay-per-view Yeah, you fucked up you got cocky you didn't plan ahead It couldn't break through the scorpion's Tissue that was whatever that armor is He has no idea praying mantis was they're so gangster But get the uh ants kill praying mantis. I have uh, they dissected it They like clinically dissected it like cut off the the arms cut off the head I've dumped them before just Wow So this uh praying mantis is eating some ants Just kind of shake them. Uh-oh Yeah, they all start swarming him though So he's getting a few of them he fucked that dude up yeah, but now they're on him this distraction This is wild Because this is I mean like this is so there's so his eye. They're so tiny Yeah that we don't understand how wild this is if we were watching this and it was these are big like the size of lions I'd be you know amazing. This would be if like lions fought a giant like that. That's what this would be But even weirder because these insects like with the way insects look Mike is huge. It's a big one. Yeah, does the queen go to battle? Well, there's a few of those big ones though It's like the queen came in and she said help y'all get this I don't know if the queen would risk it all for that But these ants just chop the shit out of this dude. Look how many of them are coming out of the hole, too Just coming out ready to go to war How do they communicate I mean that's what I want to know how do they organize how do they know Like this is why I looked they just cut his fucking head off. Sorry, bitch I mean what how amazing is this just watching this is fucking insane And it's crowded if we went to another person's house If we went to another planet and we saw things like this, but they were big like german shepherd size We're observing that People would be utterly fascinated. Look how many of them there are together in this little canal somehow They're communicating together and they wear armor. Yeah, we just accept it because they're little because it's really really little We're not amazed by it. Yeah You know, we're only amazed by things that are I wonder what's little to certain size, you know I'm saying like an ant is this big. I wonder what what does ant go get out of here probably fungus Yeah, get out of here. Well, definitely fungus actually because have you ever seen what happens with? the cordyceps mushroom and ants Cordyceps mushroom can infect ants and it makes them grow spores out of their body So mushroom spores and then the spores explode infecting the whole colony Yeah, so much these ants know When an ant's been infected and they know that it's going to explode so they have to drag it out So they're dragging it out like it's a it's a time release bomb and they're hoping they get outside of their village Before it blows up because if it doesn't all the other people like see it growing out of his head That is the cordyceps mushroom has infected this ant and now it's using its body to grow It's uh, it's the premise behind that zombie show on HBO the last of us The premise is that this infects people Because this uh this fungus It's you know that when it when it pops it blows all these spores in the air And when it blows all these spores in the air then warfare. Yeah, exactly. It's just trying to infect all the I mean imagine if you found a family member lying there with a giant spore Growing out of its back a bit of giant sack of spores just whatever it is for a mushroom and it's just ready to spray Got to get him out of the house. Yeah, fuck we're gonna miss you dog And you just got a band a greasy bandana Talking around your head hoping they don't get you And where you're dragging this body out of town. Well just so I guess the way that it just Like it's like it's like somebody swallowed a bomb For this with their fungus. Yeah, it's like somebody swallowed a bomb. Yeah, especially if it's in like a crowded area like if that happened and people like burst people got infected by cordyceps mushrooms in like a subway And burst out into the subway and coughed and sprayed all those people would be infected question With all the mantis crazy videos you've seen And that ant is being controlled by that cordyceps mushroom Which is not a parasite but many mantises are controlled by this horse hair parasite. Yeah, i've heard about this What if that's creating that crazy behavior that yes, maybe this is what's crazy when you put the mantises in water that black snake Comes out of its asshole. That is crazy. There's so many videos of it You know that nuts? So that thing lives in its body But it can't get in the water It hates the water. It hates the water. Look how big it is I mean, how wild is that? Wow That's probably why he's so strong. He's like, um, it's possessed. What's the name venom venom? It is venom it's venom. Yeah. Oh my god, it's a real-life venom and he's the praying man. This is going i'm gonna die You're not gonna die. It's a real-life venom. Wow, that is crazy. That's nuts Look at it. It's just like an evil snake That lives in its body and look how how yeah, it even looks sinister it looks alien Like just thinking that something like that would live in something that size. Yeah, and he's not letting him out. Is he? I think it's out now. It's out of his body, but It's still attached to his butt Is it trying to climb back in? Yeah, but just just oh my god, is it trying to climb back in? Is that what's really going on here? It's trying to climb back up his butt And then he's trying to eat it. He's like, fuck you you've been inside of me I'm gonna put you inside the other way so he doesn't even know if he did that It would probably just make more of those in its gut. Is that just regular water or they got something in it? That's a good question. I think it's just water. I wonder like If you eat it if that thing grows in your gut or if oh man, that's what this how the cycle is great Yeah, because it seems like he wants to eat it. Maybe he wants to be venom again Maybe once he gets out and become a bitch. Yeah It's like I don't even honey bird hummingbirds are cool. I don't want to kill hummingbirds You see dead bugs I find laying around he was sick and just a man he said in his bicycle I killed a bird. I did this he's a fuck Dude he was venom Yeah, so that's is that a large percentage of uh, mantises are infected by that. I had heard that Um this other article about it says that it the parasite is what forces them to go into water Oh to get the video explain it. Oh, so the parasite forces them to go into water so it can hatch I don't know. Well, that was the case with grasshoppers Right with grasshoppers. We talked about that before it was that there's this parasite that it's uh Some sort of a worm aquatic worm and it grows inside the grasshoppers body and then Convinces the grasshopper to commit suicide So it can be born So it talks the gray. It just takes over the grasshoppers brain like getting that water bitch Just and I just and it comes out of the grasshoppers body Wow, yeah, so it's okay piloting the grasshopper. Can can this thing be the grasshopper? Could it be the grasshopper? A praying madness can he beat up a grass? Oh, yeah. Yeah praying man. So fuck up a grasshopper Oh, so they were better. I think they uh, I think I bet a lot of the insects have parasites inside of them But it's probably pretty common. It's an interesting relationship. Like uh, what's his name the little guy with the Napoleon he had a parasite He's syphilis. Oh, yeah, that's that's vd But a lot of people have toxoplasmosis Toxoplasmosis, I think it's called toxoplasmosis gondi it's a um, a parasite that it's uh from cats so the way Cats get it is they get it from rats and when rats get it rats For whatever reason when they get this this parasite their testes Swell up they get hard-ons and they get sexually aroused at the smell of cat urine So it tricks their body into thinking that cat urine is like tricks. There's hijacks their sexual reward system To like seek out cat urine so they're going after cat urine and it raises their fear of cats So what it's doing is encouraging them to get killed by cats So the cats eat them and the only way this toxoplasmosis reproduces is inside the guts of a cat And then the cats shit it out and that's why they tell pregnant women to never handle cat litter Because you could handle cat litter and get toxo and it could be very bad for you and the baby Napoleon's retreating army felled by parasites boom interesting This this this podcast is like the lion king man. It's like the circle of life Ever since his catastrophic retreat from moscow the terrible losses suffered by napoleon soldiers have been blamed on hunger And the biting cold of the russian winter, but according to new research by french scientists the fabled grand arm\u00e9e reduced to 30 000 men by december of 1812 from a total of 600 000 to 700 000 just six months earlier was actually felled by parasites researchers led by Uh diter ralt of the national science research center in marsall. How do you say that marsay? marsall yeah Have analyzed the dna of 72 teeth extracted from 35 skeletons removed from a mass military grave near villa nus villa nus Uh in present day lithuania in 1995. They found minute traces of microbes associated with typhus and trench fever deadly diseases transmitted by fleas and lice in the dental matter of 10 Neapolic soldiers the newspaper le figaro the figuero reported yesterday What they had to all get it because it's cold they're fighting in the winter so they got to be huddled up So yeah, so everybody yuck yuck. Yeah, so typhus interesting So it the so there at one point there was 691 000 it got down to 30 000 it was all from Parasites most of it. It's a cold and the hunger did most of it, but great great tolls definitely from disease wow And if you're cold and hungry you bottle up together we're talking about 600 000 people dying from either being cold or fleas six months whole Like 3000 limbs will fall It was they look just like that that ant you just saw and then the sanitary conditions would you have that many bodies? Like where are you putting these bodies? They're gonna they're all rot who's gonna be around who's healthy enough to move these bodies around and just imagine you build a house On that land oh jeez you dig up you dig up. Yeah, the wolves That's my absolute favorite story of World War one What? World War one they had to have a ceasefire between the Germans and the Russians because there were so many of them getting killed By wolves damn so they had they said let's stop killing each other and kill these fucking wolves Yeah, and so they killed the wolves then went back to killing each other right on as you should But that we should have wolves are like these guys out here fucking out Well what would happen is they were fighting trench warfare, so someone would get shot They would be screaming And maybe they'd be way the fuck over there and it's nighttime and these wolves get in those trenches And they smell blood and they'll pull that motherfucker out of the trench so people were screaming Screaming while they're getting eaten alive by wolves, so you're sitting there huddled with your rifle You can't jump up because the Germans will shoot you yeah, and or the Russians will shoot you Yeah, like and then it's one or two wolves are there and so they had to have conversations they were sent they were sending scouts out and They would disappear and then they'd go find a boot And they're torn apart bloody clothing, and they realize people getting swarmed by wolves There were so many wolves up there that the wolves had taken to hunting people Because they'd eaten so many soldiers Yeah, so it becomes a primary food source like human being like dead human beings left on the battlefield in World War one We're a primary food source to the wolves in that area and Just like the lions again because it's easier much easier Yeah, but you know many people I get out of the year holes before you decide to have a fucking Yeah, a meeting with your fellow humans that you're just killing six months ago. We gotta do something We're losing too many guys to walls. This is crazy. We got to admit we hate each other, but we hate wolves more Wolves used to be terrifying. That's what Little Red Riding Hood was all about That was what the three little pigs were all about like They were fucking terrifying and somewhere along the line people forgot to be scared of them when they killed them all off in the West So they're like let's bring them back We miss the wolves. Let's bring them back like are you fucking sure the wolf was probably one of the first members of the LBG st. Nj Because remember he he could he just went in there that we put on that dress man When we had a dress on she came in right? Yeah, she said hey what you doing? Okay, she she knew it was him, but she's like What big eyes you have she's trying to back out? She's like cuz she knows she can't run from she got it back She got to be slick with it. Yeah, she's caught him with ladies clothes on. Do you know there's a cartoon of that from like 1930 something and it instead of a wolf. It's a Jew it's like a really stereotypical image of a Jewish person and It's a weird cartoon man because they changed it later on and they changed it into a wolf Make sure this is true because with AI today You never know when you're you're getting fooled by changing to a wolf With AI today, you never know like cuz they can make fake cartoons. Yeah This is like the best people who is which is the one it's a little red riding on who's the one when the wolf Was knocking at the door That's uh, that's the three pigs. Yeah Because this yeah, yeah, maybe it was three pigs three pigs because the first one at the door but knocking at the door dressed like a wolf Wolf wearing wearing like women's clothes, right? Oh Huff and puff blow your house down So what it was was like yes Good you back it up a little I want to hear what he's saying. No. Yeah I'm giving you for example. He's saying he's selling brushes Wow That's crazy the wolf was dressed up as a brush man Imagine being a dude who sells brushes back in those days. It's a hard way to make a living Say what's the movie did a set? This thing is it set the the comedian the actor Seth Rogen, I guess is Is it Seth? My curly here Seth Rogen? Okay. Yeah, it gets high a lot. Yeah. Yeah He did a movie He did a movie where he's a he's he's a guy and he's an immigrant He comes from he comes from Europe and he works in a pickle factory killing rats You never seen it. No, I didn't see that. He's not an American pickle. He wakes up. Yeah Comer is it good? It came out during the pandemic is one of those movies that came and this is his great great grandson or something He plays himself playing. Oh, wow uncle But he's killing rats and then one day the rats attack him and he falls into a Pickle barrel the pickle the place closes down and all this other stuff years go by basically he lived cuz he was pickled Yeah, it's a comedy But he lived it here and he comes back and then boom and they go the only living relative You guys this guy and he's like because he knows how poor he was he goes You have more than one pair of socks He says yeah, it's just because for him. He just wanted to have more than one pair of socks He wanted to have salsa water. Mmm bubbly water. Yeah, that's that sign of class Yeah, that was his great great great. Yeah, and now he's just he's got a fucking salsa machine in the kitchen Hey cuz you're doing really well for yourself then Yeah, so you can see it's just a sign of the times like a guy who was an alright guy back there It's a piece of shit now because the things he said and the views that did this great great great grandpa He says you can't say that now Right just watch an old movie. Yeah, they used to beat women up in old movies all the time. Oh, it's Yeah Yeah, they smack women all the time back then what is that alone yeah But I just saw a movie with Sammy Davis jr. It's it's an old movie with Sammy Davis jr. I think he's making fun of Miles Davis I don't know but he's like he's a really good trumpet player But he's an asshole and you know, he's playing this new kind of jazz or whatever and and Sicily Tyson is in it. She's his girlfriend the girl who played Walona on good times Hmm the one who sings and yeah lucky we got him. Yeah, she's in it and her her and Sicily Tyson get into a argument whatever and then Sammy Davis jr. Just comes up boom punches her in the face. Yeah Yeah, we're loner from good times. She punched her right in the damn face Wow It think it was and he used all real jazz musicians Did you watch good times? Yes, remember the janitor? Yeah, I never knew he was a famous jazz musician He was in it too. He was in the movie, too It's called I don't know name of but Sammy Davis jr. He's got a lot of Morgan Freeman is in it, but he don't have a speaking part. He's an extra That's how old this movie is. And so Sammy Davis jr. Is supposed to be making fun of Miles Davis He doing a miles Davis. He is he's like he's like He he's a he's a good trumpet player who cuz all the jazz guys are in it except Miles Davis Disney Gillespie's in it all these are real jazz musicians Could Sammy Davis dude you really play? No, he couldn't play the trumpet. So is it faking it? Yeah, look Ozzy Davis That's Sicily Tyson Is he definitely faking it can I hear that Boy it sure looks like he's playing it here Movie magic They had movie magic back then I think he's playing it man. I mean he was a musician. I know look Okay, look that's will own up from good times And Frank Sinatra jr. Is in it, too I This is why I think that's really him because if you ever listen to like a real solo like someone who's really good I'm really playing this is drums Yeah, that's 100% him playing that truck There's no way a guy who plays drums this good would ever accept using a fake trumpet sound that's how much money they're paying I think I Guarantee that guy could probably pray everything. You don't think Sammy Davis jr. Could play everything He was a serious musician Jamie, I think you're hating. I'm I'm thinking slightly. No, I think perhaps he can play it. Okay Yeah, he plays trumpet and drums and but you know, it's like You see when a guy's like a real musician you see the way their hands move they just move better Did you see when he was uh, his name was roof of somebody who's running for president. He was four years old he was in a movie where he was uh, I forget it's the same with his G's and he's like four and he's like he's got top hat on and Why is it turn a classic movie sometimes who would you say is like the the best trumpet player like if there's one person Like who would be like the elite of jazz Trump trumpet players Miles Davis, right? So let's listen to Let's listen to like the like so we just listened to that and we're trying to debate whether or not Sammy Davis jr Really played it. Let's see like what the top and he's he's playing a cornet in that to a Cornette that was the that was the bigger one. That's the challenge. He only one he was playing, you know I'm ignorant about musician musical instruments. Yeah, so I Go Google in four things at once here because I was trying to find better evidence of him playing that while I was trying to Find what you were asking for it, too But as I was thinking of why I was saying that because I was thinking of this scene in crossroads the whole time Where Ralph macho is playing a target Steve I and it looks like he's playing guitar because in some of these scenes he is but He's not good. It's not making that music Solo battle against him right you just practiced enough but don't you think the technology was far different in the Sammy Davis jr times with a Yeah, I think splicing the sound in there and having it sync up Perfectly, that's not an easy task back then. I mean, I guess it probably could be done by a wizard of special effects Or you could just play Sammy Davis jr. Playing the trumpet, which is what it looks like Just don't know why everything has to be conspiracy theory Jamie Oh, well, I mean more for like the movie movie aspect I'll go back and find the clip again But like they're cutting the cutting so much there the way that would have been recorded They could have recorded him playing once and then went back and reenacted them, you know So they could have the camera moving all around them To have that all recorded perfectly and for it to sound as good as it did Has to be edited in some way interesting as a movie You know I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah, that's true So there has to be some sound engineering to write whatever they can do back then in the black and white days It's called a man called Adam is what this movie was called. But let me can you just show me like Miles Davis? Just was oh, is that what this is? Googling five things at once. Oh, sorry That's that's That's Miles is sound and someone has to talk Let's go back to this Look Claudia I have been in Go back to the other one again, is there anything with Miles Davis playing where it's not people talking Speaking of mouse she was his wife. Mm-hmm. Cicely Tyson was his wife. She's married to Miles Here we go That's John Colesford I Something people really love about jazz the improvised aspect of it You know Smokes cigarettes and play instruments. I didn't I didn't really Enjoy it that much until just now I was listening to that. I was like, oh, this might be the way to do it Like don't do it while you're doing other stuff. Just sit there and listen to it. I Like I like things without lyrics as background music when I write I like to play like classical music or Maybe music in other languages, so I don't know what they're saying and they're just here so it only like gets in so far I'm not thinking about their words lately. I've been listening to a lot of this healing this Enchanting stuff like that the waves Yeah, not not water But it's you see it on YouTube all the time and it'll say It heals you or you could sleep for two hours and wake up like you slept for eight hours. It's just like it's just oh I think I know what you're talking about megahertz or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's right Yeah, I know. Yeah, I Gotta start remembering the names of this shit. I don't know if that like helps you where you don't need as much sleep What's the supposed to do for you? What are they with the pros and puts you in a relaxing state? It's just big talk about 432 Hertz. It makes me I'm gonna tell you it feels like it feels like I'm like a Like a egg like not a egg like a chicken egg But those eggs you have on like a piece of furniture, you know it like a something you put on the coffee table Uh-huh, and it's on a pillow and when I listen to that music, that's how I feel like I'm on him just like I just Like I just sink into the bed like but it's not the bed I'm sinking into it's just the sound I sink I don't know how to like I it's like it's like I just kind of sinking to this into the The bed did just just I'm just there but I'm not like laying on the bed And I'm yeah, I wake up and feel like yeah Mmm, let's go Really? Yeah, and it's not music is it? It's more like just Sounds but it's good. And so how much time do you do it for I sleep to it You sleep to it. I sleep to it. Like if you know if I gotta catch a flight at At whatever time at 7 and I know but I got and I know I I can't afford to sleep too long But I know if I put that on for two hours Boom when I do get I will get up and I'll and I get up and I'm good. Hmm. I won't be like Not like that. I'm like, yeah, let's go get it cuz I slept like that porcelain egg So are you listening us on headphones when you go to sleep? I just played on my I played on my iPad or something like that Just put a speaker or either put my earbuds in but I always want always fall out right if you and and even when they showed a picture of the music is someone just He's just float. He's he's like and you see just she's just float And the ones you listen to like how long does it go for? They got they got some of them for 10 hours six hours three ten hours. You could just put up there two hours of Sometimes it's under Zen sleep music or Healing music it just yeah, it's good. It's That's interesting. I have an experiment with that. I'm gonna know I'm gonna know about it I'm gonna do that shit. I'm gonna get in the hot in the cold tub at the same time. Yeah I'm interested in it now. Yeah, can you pull that up? Because when you see it you you see what I'm trying to describe to you how you feel when you're sleeping It makes sense because music has such an intense Effect on people intense effect on the way you feel it gives you goosebumps gets excited gets your body moving And it just makes sense that it's interacting with us in a way other than like the obvious we hear it We don't just hear it like it gives you emotions. It sort of changes the way you feel Anyone in particular? Go go up. It's because it's one where guys just like laying there Like that that's it Okay, is this here? Let's yeah put the headphones on Yeah, that's it so you sleep to this yeah, I do I want lay down now, it's good Wow This goes on for eight hours, well, I have a high hours and six eleven hours. It's perfect. That's what I need eleven hours of sleep It's also good if you're a YouTube subscriber you or whatever. Yeah put on your phone But just restarts it's like a loop I think yeah, this is uh, this could be very psychedelic It's good, you know, you could have some wild-ass dreams Steered by this music I could drink wake up It's like you know, how you like? none of that. Yeah, just if I have eaten I Don't feel full if I have not eaten. I don't feel hungry. Hmm. Yeah, it's kind of I'm just what you find still till I'm just there somewhere. Yeah, I'm saying just locked in yeah But it's but it's not like I'm laying on a table. It's right. I'm just Floating you're good. Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna try it. I'm gonna try it I've used noise machines before but I kind of like to sleep in I like to hear things. Oh the dog gone love it, too Yeah, dog. Yeah, the dog loves dog. My mom's always just sleep like that quick update. This is the guy What's that this is the trumpet player from the movie. Oh, that's the guy from the movie. Yeah Trumpet playing was done by Nat Adderley. Oh, so it wasn't actually Sammy Davis's juniors trumpet is overdubbed Oh my god, Jamie's right this motherfucker. We call him a conspiracy theorist, but he was right How did you know because that's I went to school to make sound for movies and stuff? That's what you do 99% of all sound in a movie is redone. It's not recorded live. I just Naively thought that Sammy Davis jr. Wouldn't want another man to play trumpet for it's almost impossible for them to record that in that setting And it sounded that good. Yeah Because they were in a space with production. There's a hundred thousand people, you know, there's people Shuting up think of the old at your show your shows, you know No one can make a sound or it kind of ruins something if he's playing a one-time performance And last is people walking in people walking out. Yeah, yeah, New York. So Interesting I heard Tommy talking about this He said in his first taping people were walking around in the background and stuff and the people that well They were like we can't use this wings up, but that's the performance that was good. So you have to You have to stick that one and they did. Yeah, but he's like you can't worry about that stuff Wow Yeah, people do weird stuff with with set sometimes Like like when you I'm gonna talk about this. I was thinking about Well, I was thinking about Aziz Ansari said that that that that one that he did with Spike Jones where they showed the background Like it was just so distracting to me. Like I didn't understand why they would do that Like you could see the people working in backstage while he was on stage It was like at an angle instead of like straight on at him It was like at an angle where you could see like the sound guy and everybody. No, no was It was a I think it was a Netflix special, but it was just a spike Jones directed it And it was like this weird Choice that they had decided to make have it shot Where it looks more I guess more organic like you just happen to be there watching No Yeah, you can see yeah, that's it. You could see the backstage area So like there would be people walk see where his right hand is you there be people walking back there and shit. It was weird Like to the door the exit door and shit It's very odd But I guess it's like to give you this feeling that you're in Yeah that you're in the club instead of it's like in more informal I guess more relaxed I don't know but it take it's like why is there people walking behind? Aziz why am I looking at people walking in the background? Why is that in my mind? Yeah, cuz it seems like it would be distracting. It's distracting Have you been have you been to the stand in New York? Yeah, and the room upstairs They got the window open like what the fuck is that man? cuz cuz I can't talk to y'all with These people they're doing stuff back there and they're not they're not paying attention They just it's like you're in a fishbowl and I'm like right close that curtain. It's so yeah, not cool It's weird. Yeah. Yeah, but that's another one of those ones like, you know comedian didn't set that up. Yeah right, I did I did a The club that me and Louie did in Rotterdam is called Club hog So if you ever go to Rotterdam, we gotta do that. As a matter of fact the last time I was there did I filmed Put their footage of our footage but the the ceiling is low. It's like Yeah, the ceiling is low. There's no bad seats And you know, but you know, it's they speak another language, but they understand you because they speak Like three language Dutch is French English and German mixed together. Plus they watch American television So they're English their English comprehension is super good Wow Yeah, so if you have a pop over there you got to do that that must be fun doing Countries like that. It's pretty impressive that they have that good of a grasp of English and like universally Like we're we're basically either speak Spanish in this country or you speak English We speak English in Spanish. They speak a gang of they understand Holland. They understand us better than they do English people Because yeah, I think Spanish is the next language I was gonna learn a second language that seems like the most useful one, you know, yeah, and Also, it's so it's like it's everywhere Russian Russian Plus that one you have to learn like a whole different alphabet You have to learn all the way they write their letters and everything. It's like very strange We all stop so cool-looking we all stop popping out like that ant who had that fungus Do they all the Russians come in the gas man, right? Do you smell the trees burning? Yeah Do you get worried about this whole Ukraine war thing it seems a little Speaking of Amsterdam where an Amsterdam is a Russian comedian over there. He's doing a spot at the comedy cafe Over in Amsterdam. We're like, hey guys and it goes that's just media. There's no war. That's what these Russian people say. There's no war So the Russians don't believe the wars for that maybe that was just that group because they just said no, that's ridiculous Well, here's the thing Russia does not have an open society like you can't just print anything you want in the news You can't just you know, they don't have the kind of freedom To talk about stories that we have in America. They have control their internet So and they also punish dissidents. They they punish people. So if you're over there You want to believe what they tell you who knows what they tell what it what are the people in Russia think is going on? with Ukraine I We didn't get that deep into it days because you know, of course one of the other committee and said something to them about the war All right, that's not true. That's just Which that's what they put on television. They want you to believe that but there's no other the Russian equivalence to people that tell you that Trump on the election I Guess probably Trump won that election. He's my president. Yes This is that a maybe the Russian equivalent of that but in America at least shirts with the flag on them I don't need a mask. I'm free if you are Like in Russia, how much access to the actual news? Do you have I don't know I mean how much access to like the way the whole world How dangerous is that for you? Like if you decide to use a firewall, you know some sort of a but VPN these people were names to them this guy whoever uses a big comedian in Russia And they were doing something there for all Russian audience And and they looked at us like we were I wasn't doing the questioning was like you're naive like like like you guys believe that like that's not even real that's just Mmm media hype or something like damn Imagine being that confident. Yeah, they were like, why would you be that confident? They yeah, they were they were that confident to tell us Yeah, you know Basically, you don't know what you're talking about. Please don't believe that Like that and it was some comedians from England and it was us America and we all say no no no there's a war No We're gonna do our comedy show it here tonight We're gonna laugh it up go do it the fuck you fucking Americans and English people do and that's people do Yeah, say wow Wow, you don't know you don't know it's not it's not that he didn't know right say he doesn't want to talk about it That's what it sounds like. Yeah, but it wasn't just one person Is that you know like hey, what do you guys think about that? Oh, come on enough with this already? I don't know Yeah, maybe he's just tired talking about it. Maybe it's been talking about it about for a year Yeah, imagine being a Russian dude. Everywhere you go. They're asking you about Ukraine. Like what the fuck? Do you want me to do? Yeah, what do you want me to do? I'm over here selling watches. Yeah You know, it's just weird that our comedian is running the country Wild and you saw him play the piano his dick. No, no, yeah. No, I said No, that's what was going on across the street. That's no okay. Didn't Zielinski do something like that. Oh, no, no, no, no No, I think did you do that? Yeah, I think it was like part of his act But I was talking about the guys from puppetry of penis Right. They they had their show me and Greer when this venue and he was in that venue. So well, okay I'm confused because I think I watched a video of Zielinski doing this comedy routine where he's like in front of a piano Yeah, Oh playing piano with his penis, yeah, so But they don't see their penises. So who knows what's really going on, but he does they do take their pants down Here it goes. Let me hear some No, they're not really making that noise You now you were skeptical before I Think that one's real I'm very skeptical Very skeptical that that was real. Yeah, no shit. You can't even see the piano. There's probably no Tony Woods. I love you Thank you for doing my club this weekend man. Thanks. I didn't have me very excited to have you show the world Let them know Tell everybody your social media so they could follow you. What am I? I'm Tony woods with a Z on Instagram and then I got a website to man Tony was calm. I don't know I think is yeah, Tony woods calm. Yeah, that's my thing. That's me