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Michael Kosta is a standup comic, host of "The Daily Show," host of his own podcast, "Tennis Anyone," and author. His new book, "Lucky Loser: Adventures in Tennis and Comedy," is available now. www.michaelkosta.com
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Joe Rogan podcast check it out the Joe Rogan experience train by day Joe Rogan
podcast by
night all day his unwillingness to make money off of it too unbelievable
interesting yeah yeah
signal is you know whenever someone new signs up at signal you get like this
notification I've
noticed that yeah and so it's like flooding with all these people that I know
that are now on signal
like wow it's it's gotten us me to re-evaluate privacy and everything you know
like what is on
my phone what what are these when you go to that thing on the iPhone it says
you can use my location
always or a while using it's crazy how many apps are just using your location
oh yeah well what's
gonna change uh by the way this is Michael Costa ladies and gentlemen we're
already rolling great
uh Michael Costa you might know him from The Daily Show he's also a fabulous
stand-up comedian I know
him from the Comedy Store please welcome Michael Costa hey thank you for having
me man my pleasure this
has been a exciting highlight for me to be sitting here with you and be on your
podcast I can't believe
what this thing has become man bizarre it must be crazier it's for you well
this is what's bizarre
about it it seems like it's just you and me talking yeah well it is just me and
you talking yeah but I
I mean how many years have you been doing the 15 11 11 years okay 11 started in
2009 it's uh
as a younger than you comic you know you look to the comics older than you and
you say who is doing
what I want or creating something special that's unique to them and that's what
I always I always
tried to just try to do and then this to see what you've made this is nuts oh
thank you it's nuts so
it's just dumb luck dumb luck and that's it that's a lot of it legitimately
tell everybody
dumb luck and persistence and just working at it you know it's just
conversations it there's a skill
to it it just doesn't it doesn't seem like there's a skill to it but there's a
skill to it you realize
after you do a lot of podcasts too how bad a lot of people are just regular
folks are at having
conversations so you see people just talking over each other you're like Jesus
well you let him finish
and then you let her finish like fucking you guys just talk you just just Clyde
some of the worst
conversations I've ever had in my life are at that front bar at the comedy
store because it's always
like the weirdest comics talking at you never listening to your thing right and
uh I would get so
frustrated growing up my mom would do this game called the tennis ball game
where we were very young
and she would ask us a question she would say hey Michael how was school today
and she would hand me
the ball or toss me the ball and then you had to answer and you couldn't give
her the ball back
until you asked her a question and this is like you know we're like six so I
would say today was good
and then I would try to hand the ball back and she'd say you can't hand me the
ball back you didn't ask
me anything and I'd say do you like the weather today and I'd hand it to her
and she would like
trained us like zoo animals to do this wow but it is funny because so much of
my life now what you
mentioned earlier no one knows how to talk no no I have a very uh good friend
and she's very smart
um but her and her husband just talk louder over each other and they don't
listen like and then one
of them will walk off into the kitchen you're like what in the fuck and if I
had tried to have a
conversation with them if I'm in the middle of saying well I wonder if what it
is they just start
talking like they don't let anybody talk they just talk at you was your home
like a long form
conversation home I don't know like why do you feel comfortable marijuana okay
definitely marijuana
long stoner conversations I don't know man you know I used to do morning radio
and I used to look
forward to it in some some markets you know I think morning radio is like eight
out of ten or they're
just cool people that happen to be on the morning radio but then there's like
the two out of ten are
people that wish they were comics oh my god you know those and they crush you
when you do morning
radio if you're not like killing they're like I'm better than that guy yeah yes
Dickie and they get
weird with you like they're not friendly they don't like I did this one and I
don't want to say where it
was but I the guy wouldn't even acknowledge that you were there right until he
did a bunch of other
stuff while you're just sitting there so you're just sitting there in the stage
and he's talking
about like some stupid stuff they're doing outside an Applebee's right you know
well we got five
different people to try it out and no one could do it and then finally oh so
then uh we got a
comedian is here uh he's playing at the blah blah it's Joe Rogan hi Joe how are
you and you're like
why have I been here for 20 minutes just staring at you and it's like a power
trip I feel like they're
jealous or angry that you're working the road even though it you know it's not
like the road comic is
making tons of money that week or whatever but for some reason morning radio
Johnny Danger bang bang
you know those guys seem mad about their life lots of times some of them yeah
and then there's a few
that are excellent yeah awesome some are just cool people that happen to be
doing that yeah most of
them are cool people that just happen to be doing that but there's enough of
those well it's just like
when someone is in that sort of a position where they're the one who's
promoting your show you need
them to promote your show so you get up you go there and they're the star and
everybody's like
getting them the pieces of paper the stuff they have to say and you know it's
like there's always some
super young person at least for me when i walk in the studio that has just googled
me right like i'm
on air now but they're literally like okay say say that you know they don't
even right uh and also
people forget normally you you woke up at 5 a.m the day before for the flight
you're waking up at 5
a.m the next day for morning radio and then you normally have a 5 a.m flight
the next sunday or
whatever so it's like i'm not saying being a stand-up comic is hard but the
stage time is this awesome
one hour whatever but all the other work is like 5 a.m 5 a.m 5 a.m yeah um well
it fucks up your
rhythm too because your brain rhythm is off when you get up early in the
morning a couple of days
in a row because you're used to doing sets till late at night if you do a late
night show you're
doing a 10 p.m show you're not out of there until 12 30 you get back to your
room you go to bed it's
like one o'clock two o'clock and then you have to get up at five to do radio it's
like you're just
be excellent and then wake up and try to get some sleep and usually drink
coffee to do radio and then
you try to get some sleep your rhythm's all up the moment i had to stop doing
radio the road became
infinitely better yeah that was a direct result of doing podcasts because once
i started doing podcasts
i was selling out without going there without having to do that i'm like oh
yeah but then they
would try to get you to do it anyway they would say we have a relationship with
the radio station
we would love it if you came right because you you would promote the date on
your pocket so you would
do what they were supposed to do for you you would yes right so then the club
would ask me to do radio
anyway right they really would like you to come in yeah i'm like i'm not
getting up at five in the
morning when i don't have to on a day where i have to do shows with a host that
probably is a little
pissed off at you for some reason yeah only the ones well there's some i had
relationships with that i
still did for a while just because they're nice i just wanted to come in and
say hi you know and i
still there's some i miss i miss you i just not getting up for you do some in
the afternoon you
know i would i would yeah exactly i would i talk yeah i i would welcome a
weekend on the road right
now to do morning radio here i am bitching about it but i'm i miss that yeah i
mean nothing seems to
be open i know texas has more things open but and i haven't done stand-up we
were talking earlier i
haven't done stand-up since the pandemic but i'm hoping to feel what you felt
when you first went
back up there because i have to reevaluate how much do i enjoy it if i've
really enjoyed kind of not
doing it right now i don't know if you had any of that i did enjoy not doing i
really enjoyed i enjoyed
learning how to cook i enjoyed dinner space yes space to do stuff yeah yeah you
enjoyed cooking
you know dinner always took on a different meaning for me when i had shows it
was it was get fuel so
you cannot be like passing out on stage and off lots of whether it was la or
new york lots of times it
was like crappy food get it fuel in you know but now there's time to really
think about dinner you know
do i want to grill do i want to make something and i enjoy i i think it's a
much healthier way to be
you know no one has ever mistaken this profession of stand-up comedy with
health no but uh i have
appreciated that the healthier part of that doing these uh shows with chapelle
has made me wonder
like i wonder how viable it is to actually do a residency in a town like austin
and continue to do
it for long stretches of time you know i don't know because i kind of think you
could put together
an act out here like we we kind of were doing a residency in la right at the
store yeah it's kind
of what we we did i mean they had this amazingly strong lineup every single
night and how often was
it tourists in the audience a lot so people were coming to la and it was
becoming a destination the
comedy store from other countries oh my gosh totally so you know of course
people and this is a great
city so of course you could do a residency and all i mean this is also isn't
that how las vegas works
you sign a residency deal for two years or whatever and now you're carrot top
at the luxor forever
so dave and i did this month and now we're going to do january and we're even
talking about doing
february so we're kind of doing that right now that's so cool yeah and while it's
happening i'm
like okay and i was talking to donnell about this and we're like we need a
workout club and i'm like
we do need a workout club so now i'm looking at small clubs and then i'm going
to look at larger clubs
too and the idea is get everything in in a row and then once the vaccines roll
out and once treatments
improve and they get to the point where there's it's not irresponsible to do an
indoor show on a regular basis
right now we're doing outdoor right it's an amphitheater everybody's tested
yeah yeah it's people but
people are still frustrated like you you're putting people at risk like right
you're putting people
at risk if you leave your house okay did you take a car to the yeah yeah when
when you were at the store
was that your workout spot yeah okay yeah because it's hard because it would be
packed and many people
there were fans of yours and i'm not at the stage where i have 400 fans in and
i'm like you can't
disappoint your fans but but i also you got to work your out you got to be able
to do both yeah yeah
it's tricky because you're gonna eat on a few attempts in front of your people
that are rooting for
you but i think they kind of understand what you're doing yeah yeah you know
one of the things that's
cool is that they would keep coming back i had a friend of mine who came to see
me multiple times
and he was like dude one of the funnest things is watch like a new bit and then
realize like oh one of
these days that bit's going to be good and then coming back six months later
and it's killer because
you get to see the baby legs you get to see like bambi on ice where it's like
it's there's no balance
you don't know where you're going with it but there's something there and if
you i found if i
just stick with it evolution of comedy my brain will automatically through
through many reps trim that
thing add to this thing and now i'll listen to it from three months ago i didn't
even i didn't even
consciously eliminate that line yeah the survival of the fittest existed
through my own joke yeah uh but i
remember i was passed at the comedy store 2008 and you were gone at that point
yeah and i don't know
you know i didn't see you there till whenever you came back i forget 2014. so
for six years it was
when i was passed it was different man and you know that yeah it was like three
people some nights
monday night three people and then i it threw me off guard when it became the
hot spot again it was great
though it was it was great when you came back and it was like rogan's back rogan's
back and i night i
was kind of like so what there's a lot of great comics here so what and then
you kind of see oh it's
tuesday night sold out so that so that was that that was awesome yeah it was
fun to be a part of yeah it really was it was fun to see you know i remember
there was one time i was on stage in chicago and this was like maybe 2012 and
uh and i said i was at the chicago theater it's sold out it's like 3700 people
i go i go how many i had this bit that i was doing i go uh how many guys listen
to the podcast and this
and i was like this fucking roar no shit it was yeah and i went i remember
thinking oh
oh shit like i didn't expect that like i expected like yeah like like a few
people right 20 of the
people whatever whatever the number was and then i remember thinking oh wow
yeah though this is kind
of crazy like because i don't have to do morning radio now yeah i don't pay
attention too much yeah like i try to
not pay attention i try to just do what i do and i i try to figure out a way to
use my time wisely and the
best way to use my time wisely is to not read anything about me not read any
comments so then things happen
you're not aware they're happening and so that's kind of what happened with the
podcast which is probably
good it's the only way you could do it not go crazy not go crazy right
everybody goes crazy you meet any
famous person they're insane and is that because there's nobody giving them
honesty it's not just
that it's just this the pressure of all these other people's opinions yeah
there's many things like one
of the things about chappelle that's fascinating is he doesn't use any social
media he doesn't use anything
you know he uh he consumes right like he'll go on youtube and watch videos he'll
he's interested in
things but he doesn't around with anything that has anything to do with him and
he doesn't he doesn't
post things he does he's not showing you his life but he's got accounts yeah he's
got logins he's only
got one and he recently started it it was for uh instagram to let people know
that um hbo max was uh
using the chapelle show and he wasn't getting paid for it yeah yeah so yeah and
that worked so they
pulled it off of netflix and they pulled it off of hbo max now and now that's
wild wild i mean
the can do that i mean that to me was like i mean i i get tweets because i work
on comedy
central i get tweets like i don't support you because you guys haven't paid chapelle
as if i have any
fucking thing to do with that right it's like twitter people are attacking me
it's like when people
attacked me because i was playing a club that louis had played that you know
week or something it's like
well that's do you think i own levity live in west nyack new york you know but
um but i was just
thinking what talent like chapelle can just say pull this off and they and they
pull it off i love
that he just moved to ohio out of the whole deal well he's been in ohio for a
long time as a michigander
i'm like wait you can have a career in showbiz and this is what's fascinating
about what's happening
right now you guys can have a career in showbiz and not be in new york and la
yeah well he did it on
purpose because he wants to be in a place where people are normal he lives in a
small town he knows
everybody at his grocery store he knows everybody at the coffee shop and he's
like a normal resident
of the community i love it and he's taking a number asking for sliced turkey
breast and some
woman's like that's one of the greatest stand-up comments ever lived he lives
right down the street
he lives in a farm oh yeah he's a fascinating character i love him yeah i love
him i love hanging
out with him he's just so fascinating comics always say that to know him and
interact with him and uh
that's that's awesome yeah no he's great he's always been great too i mean i
met him when he was 19.
so did he not then get really well paid from the chapelle show he must have no
he didn't no
he didn't well he walked away from a big part a big chunk of money right and
that the thing that
he walked away from i was dealing with the same people at comedy central at the
time because that's
when stan hope and i were doing the man show the man show and it was rough like
they there was a
bunch of people that were not comedians and they were not creative but they
wanted to put all this
creative input into the show particularly because they had the chance to put
their greasy little
fingers all over it because adam and jimmy had left and then they're like okay
now we're gonna mold this
into what they what we want right and they they gave us it was the bait and
switch they told us do
whatever you want swear we'll beep it out show nudity we'll blur it out go wild
we want to get in
trouble they were like if we get sued it'd be great for the show and stan hope
and i were like let's
party wrong two guys to say that too well and then they got fearful of it very
yeah right well here's
one of them there was a time and i think this is available we wound up using
this actually and it
actually wound up being a part of the promo there was a time where we were
doing these intros and i
said i want the intro to be when the doors bust open joey diaz comes out balls
naked in a pair of
timberlands with a baseball hat on and he yells out let's get this party
started and he starts dancing
and he goes ladies and gentlemen joe rogan and doug stanhope and he he
introduces us and one of the ladies
that was an executive was literally in tears she goes how is that funny oh tell
me not tears laughing
when we were explaining right this is what what i want to do she was like she
goes how is that man
show how is that funny i go how is it not funny yeah like what are you talking
about yeah this is joey diaz
he's a human cartoon but they were so opposed to him yeah and so opposed to him
being on the show and
introducing us naked so i said let's do two different ways we'll do it the
normal way first yeah and then
we'll do it my way yeah so we filmed two here it is right here oh shit oh okay
so we do it the normal
way um it was great you know ladies and gentlemen joe rogan does damn great and
then we do the second
one people are literally falling out of their chairs screaming joey's dancing
and i turn to her and i go like
this see she's stormed off i was gonna say she's pissed off she's but she stormed
off um it's amazing
and my experience oh my god hold on hold on let's start it from the beginning
and give me some volume
hey watch this let's get this party started jesus christ
look at him okay oh my god so but anytime talent is arguing about how to what
is and isn't funny you're
already you're already in trouble well yeah you got to leave people alone you
got to let yeah funny
people to trust their instincts well with and not not even just like this
podcast i would have never
been able to do if i had to talk to executives no way i would have never been
able to interview
to interview the more controversial people would have never been able to do
60 percent of it stoned out of my mind not literally not knowing what i'm
saying while i'm
saying it right they would have never allowed it but that's what made it work
because it was so
unproduced everybody always told me everything has to be under three minutes
when the internet came
out right it was like you better do under three minutes it was like and then if
you've listened
to all that that's what's so funny about this you know i look at some of your
episodes like three
and a half hours and i'm like this is and hamilton was talking about it when he
was on too like
the long form now people are gravitating towards these long conversations yeah
there's nuance
there's subtlety because we're getting so angry at everything just being 40
words headline to click
click so so what's the what's if what what do we take from that to just trust
our own instincts and
follow what we want to do yeah you have to trust your own instincts like also
there was no idea of
this being profitable when i started doing it right like when i first started
doing i just did it because
it was fun because i like doing morning radio sometimes and i was like why don't
i just do an
internet version of morning like no one's gonna give me a radio show ever right
so when i do that
and i've actually had some conversations with serious and some other people
about doing something but i was
like this is going to be too many greasy fingers so let's just let me just do
this with my friends and
just have fun because that's all i need out of it just have fun and like ari
was one of the first
people like you gotta edit it he was like you have to edit it no one wants to
listen to that i go i'm not
editing it and i ride him into the ground about this today he's like you gotta
make it under an
hour i go no i don't he goes well they're not gonna listen i go they don't have
to listen i don't
give a fuck right listener don't listen right you have to just trust your
instincts and just do what
you enjoy doing and but don't do it like you're you don't plan like oh if i do
this it'll be more
profitable or more successful or just do what you want to do but that's what
you just said is a trap
i fall into and i think maybe other comics too i will sometimes think well this
would this would be
good for this down the line to that but really is what i'm repeating what you
said just so i can make
sure i absorb it yeah what what gets me excited why did i get into comedy you
know and if i can follow
that that passion and enthusiasm will translate to whatever projects i do right
a hundred percent that's
it okay because people people get enthusiastic about things you're enthusiastic
about right it's
contagious right so if you like used to be a professional tennis player right
if you just did
a podcast on tennis people who are not interested in playing tennis would
listen to your podcast
like i have it it's called tennis anyone podcast yeah but but it's okay it's
perfect it's perfect perfect
plug half the time we go tennis half the time it's other stuff but people chime
in is proving your
point all the time like i don't even know what tennis is i don't even know how
to keep score i'm enjoying
listening to this because i'm like amped about it right you know so uh but i
have to constantly
learn the hard way just michael follow your passion and trust your instincts
and it seems to work it's a
trap right yeah the trap of of not doing that is the trap of you get enticed by
the industry yeah you
start thinking about maybe i can sell this show and then you bring it into a
network and they go well
tell us what what's what's going on what's the project what are you working on
and you say this
and they go why don't you do this michael what okay what if i have a female co-host
a black transgender
woman who uh only speaks chinese like there's gonna be some nonsensical
interjection yeah that they're
and you're gonna think well if i want to sell it so you know uh i met with the
black transgender woman
and she's really cool and i think we can nothing against her like she is a
great piece of talent but
now you're out now yeah yeah yeah and then michael uh the show's great but it's
not great with you
and uh we're gonna bring in uh you know another person to i forget one year
montreal lewis black
gave the the introduction speech and he told the story of when he was removed
from his own sitcom
and and i forget i forget the whole thing and i'm sure it's up somewhere but
yeah he he got the
development deal and they actually were shooting it like that's you know most
people just get a
development deal and that's it there's and they he got fired and they hired
someone else to play lewis
black i mean it's lewis black he was fired off of lewis black and it's just
like god i've pitched all
types of stuff and oftentimes i'm hosting it of course that's why i'm in the
room i'm trying to
oftentimes there will be an inevitable question that will either come through
the manager or back
channels which is like would michael feel comfortable stepping off this it's
like all the time yeah you
know and you start to question if maybe i should step off it and it's like no
believe in it believe in
yourself to pull this off maybe now isn't the right time but there's also a
thing where we're talking
about like people like to interject in conversations because they want to be
heard and they want to talk
there's a thing that happens in a meeting when you have a bunch of executives
like that they just
someone has another idea and that idea might not even make sense but if that
guy's like the president
of the network he might try to shove that idea down everybody's throats yeah
like michael's great
okay but we want michael in a television in the background yeah and the other
host in front and
every now and then they call on michael and everybody's gotta go hmm i wonder
like it's a
terrible idea terrible idea but everybody else has to chime in i've been in the
room with those
fucking terrible ideas i've seen it so are you just out of that those dumb
meetings right now i mean
because of texas and because of the status you don't have to fucking go pitch
the head of a network
right no i'm done i've been done for years yeah okay yeah i've been done for
years so what happened with
this then so who won the argument here oh that made it on tv okay so you won
but then you you won the
battle it was one of those things where it was we were doing this all the time
like we had a game show
called make me hard okay this was the game show we had a box that you put over
a box you put over a
guy's genitals and had a red light on it and the light would go off whenever
you got a boner right so we
would have stuff like you know like we had uh like midgets eating bananas and
all kinds of crazy
stuff a light would go off if they got a boner okay and who's all it was fake
it's fake we just
pressed a button to make the light go off so here's here's but this this is a
boner checker or something
we had uh a transgender woman yeah who is beautiful she's beautiful and she was
she climbed on top of
this guy pulled out her breasts and put whipped cream on her breasts and he was
sucking off the
whipped cream it was crazy and then pulled down her pants and showed her cock
and they were fine with
that but what they didn't like is the word hard they felt like the word hard is
just rude and they
didn't like it so they made us change it to make me stiff so i was like but
stiff is yeah that's more
offensive than hard it's grosser than hearts yeah stiff yeah like make me hard
is bad but it's that
kind of arbitrary nonsensical input that you have to give into because they're
the exact you have to
give it it and also no one says make me stiff so make me hard people people say
the old sign make me
hard was in the background of episode one of the podcast that i did amazing i
had it behind me and brian
while we were talking there was a make me hard sign behind me because we i got
to keep it because
they didn't they wouldn't use it but the fact that they're okay with this
person pulling their dick
out that's fine yeah but that's the terminology or they want to feel that they
had input that's all
it is that's all that's all it is there's too many cooks in the kitchen yeah
there's too many people
that want to be heard and they don't need to be heard they can't they don't
have the confidence
to sit back and go we love it this is great because they have to have an input
and this is the
problem with the whole studio and network environment and for the longest time
you had
to listen to them because you needed financing you needed a place to go you
needed the union to be
there with the cameras and everything you don't need that anymore especially if
you want to do this
so and this is my favorite thing to do other than stand up so why would i why
am i having meetings to
be yelled at yeah i mean the internet has made garage band has made a lot of
people be able to upload
their music it also means there's a lot more shittier music that's uploaded
this includes comedy and oh
yeah i mean i think about i see comics now starting maybe not this year
starting although there are some
people who started as soon as they get their first tape of them on a club they
upload it you know it's
like they've been doing it six months and now it's on youtube and i probably
would have done that
but you couldn't even do that when i started it was whatever you know 2003 or
2004. so it is a
i had five years probably where you could really put something on the internet
and i i had five
years to get better without people seeing that and it was helpful i had a long
time you had a long
fucking time i started in 88 so i had a long time where but there's still
videos of me when i was
terrible yeah you can find them yeah and i think i encourage people to look at
those because if you're
thinking about doing stand-up and you think like oh you look at a person that's
successful and they're
touring and everything no no go back to the early days it's a wild grind like
what you're talking
about when you're talking about developing a new bit and doing it in front of a
large crowd that's
there to see you and they paid money how nerve-wracking that is because it's a
new bit and a lot of
times new bits bomb yep add that times 100 that's your whole act right times
100 is like developing an
act when you don't know what you're doing even yeah i mean you don't even have
skill yet you don't know
cadence you don't know rhythm you don't know the right way to introduce an idea
to people you just
have some random thoughts of what might be funny and might not be and it's this
long brutal trudge
through broken glass and snow and hail and and you gotta persevere you gotta
keep going and the bombings
are so ruthlessly degrading your personal self-esteem you're you're who you are
it's oh oh it it's music
musicians can bomb but there's still noise in the room you know like we've all
been to a shitty bar
in asheville and the guy this guy sucks at the guitar but there's noise there
is noise to distract
and when we bomb it it's the it suck it's it's the sucking of the noise and
oftentimes oh man this you
know sweat everyone's talking about flop sweat but i remember starting out not
being comfortable with
silence doesn't mean you were bombing now i watch better comics more
experienced comics they're very
silence is fine as long as they're in control of that silence yeah i remember
as a new comic as like
silence was like the death for me right and as i've gotten more comfortable on
stage hey it's good you got
you got them silent that's good well don't you think it's like tennis in a way
that like the first time
you ever picked up a tennis record i imagine you were very young right very
young yeah any skill when
you first learn it you don't know what the to do your feet don't move right
your arm doesn't swing
right you're i'm sure your swing isn't smooth it's just like anything else it
takes repetition and
concentration and focus and discipline and you got to keep grinding over and
over and over again and then
you get okay good and you go play a competitive tournament and you lose 6060 i
mean there's a
wonderful interview of roger federer talking about his first tournament 6060
lost i mean the greatest
tennis player of all time is admitting publicly and he's not ashamed of it he
shouldn't be oh yeah he goes
it but then i and he said but then i took something from that i learned from
that and i've also taught
tennis forever but one of the most common mistakes people make when you teach
them tennis is they run
to where the ball bounces right you're not going to hit the ball there the ball
bounces and then you
you should be further back but the biggest mistake everyone makes is they run
directly to the ball it
sounds funny but in every sport you should be more or less where the ball
bounces but not in tennis you
need to have it bounce and wait for it so you learn just this little tiny thing
like that makes
the biggest difference and then you can get better but you fail you fail all
day long i mean tennis
fail if you can be one of the greatest tennis players in the world you can play
40 tournaments a
year and you lose every single week maybe you win a tournament one tournament
you lose all the
time so you better get used to that yeah and you better be tough enough to
advance through it and i
think that really helped me with comedy because i've transitioned over to
comedy and it's like oh i
failed am i going to cry to myself for three days i want to it feels that
personal or do we got to
get back out there i use you as an example of people that were successful in
other things that
understand discipline better than most stand-ups because one of the things that
does trouble stand-ups
is that that discipline like they like doing it they enjoy doing stand-up but a
lot of times they wind
up doing the same material over and over again because it's safe and because
they don't have the
discipline to like oh no no today we're doing 10 minutes of new get up there do
it right grind keep
going yeah and people that have an a work ethic and and an understanding of
discipline from something
else yeah like it transfers better into stand-up yeah it does but the ego is
strong and sometimes i'll
have 10 minutes i want to do that's new and you get up there and it's like oh
this sucks and you find
yourself doing a bit that's four years old and i know does well yeah uh i just
don't see the negative
of teaching kids a sport now if the kid doesn't like the sport or you're
pushing them into something
they don't like but i just had so much value came from for me it was tennis
because my tennis was my
family was a tennis family so that's the sport that i was thrown into and we
lived in michigan where like
there was courts you know it's not like now i live in brooklyn there's like one
court for eight million
people but uh you just you just learned so much problem solving disappointment
that's a big thing
yeah uh how to handle it it's not the end of the world it feels like it is but
i just say put kids
in sports and uh also we're talking now about public health i mean we have a
public health crisis in the
united states maybe we should be more active yeah well you know you don't want
to blame people that
are the victims of a disease right but the victims of the disease generally are
people with health
problems 2.6 to yeah no uh two yeah that's what it is 2.6 comorbidity factors
is the average of the
people that have died from covid the uh the amount of the amount of people that
had covid only six
percent of the people who died from covid had covid just covid okay only covid
the the rest of the
people that died had an average of 2.6 two like two and a half basically comorbidity
factors so they had
diabetes they had this they had that they had you know lung disease that i mean
we have a real public
health crisis it's a public health crisis added with capitalism yeah and that
is causing some serious
issues because this is a capitalistic country we value the dollar we value
business being open i'm so
impressed with how businesses have adapted comics have adapted through social
media learning new new
i weirdly may get in trouble for this but i have a newfound appreciation for
capitalism i see these
small businesses in brooklyn and they're building outdoor heaters and planters
and like yeah i'm like
whoa this is awesome like this is what capitalism is driving now also that love
of capitalism is p is are
making people say we can't shut the government we can't shut things down catch
and you mix that with public
health i hope the end is near i hope it's near i'll take the vaccine the light
at the end of the tunnel
yeah i think i said 2.6 percent i think what i meant is 2.6 okay 2.6 factor
what you're trying to
say is people are dying from other yeah they're dying from a bunch of different
things on top of having
covid yeah yeah i i think that the real problem is these folks that are telling
everyone what they can
and can't do and it's not necessarily based on data it's based on they have to
figure out to do how to
do something so like in los angeles they're saying like we got to ban outdoor
dining right well there's
no data that shows that there's an extreme risk of transmission from outdoor
dining right and you have
these people that have spent thousands of dollars setting up this outdoor
dining area and did you see
the video of the woman from the restaurant and then across the street from her
she gets closed down and
literally across the parking lot a movie studio has set up their outdoor dining
and they're fine
because of the unions that pay the politicians and it's insanity and that woman
you know
that's not pf chang's that's this one woman's is it yeah it's whore it's her
savings account um i you
know i've just kept in touch with a lot of the new york comedy clubs during
this time because these are
my friends and their business and i say you know jokingly you have any savings
left you know and they're
going no we you know first of all what savings we live in new york no one has
any savings but
yeah yeah how are the comics getting by if they're not working some are doing
zoom shows for 20 and i
you know there's a few outdoor shows i don't know i don't know i i i have this
insane protective bubble
right now because the daily show has continued and so i'm receiving you know
thankfully a tv paycheck
and i'm a stand-up comic but i'm not performing because it's i think it's too
dangerous to perform and
where i live i think we're gonna lose some comics you know how the could you
possibly stay afloat right
now yeah well i mean just because they go and get a job and here's the other
thing what job what's
available right what are you gonna go to wait tables where well it's like 30
unemployment out there yeah
it's really crazy i mean i don't know what jobs are even possible it's a grind
man but what i what you
said really holds true that the people that are creative that find solutions to
keep their businesses
afloat and i think a lot of these comics are going to have to find solutions i
mean some of them have
done a brilliant job like andrew schultz what he's done is figured it out yeah
he came up with these
bits to do on instagram these like 15 minute rants he they he'd already had a
studio he had everything
set up before covet hit he's like what do i do well we go to work we go to work
and figure out how to
sell the show during quarantine yes that he created during quarantine yes and
what's really hilarious
is he talked about it at the beginning of quarantine this is a time to create
yeah just buckle down go to
work yeah and now look he sold this four episode series to netflix yep and it's
brilliant yeah i mean
it's really really good i think that's a great example of adapting to the to
the times also some people
needed to maybe chill for a sec have dinner with their family whatever the case
may be but cap i
don't know how it was in china what in wuhan were all the businesses doing the
same thing were they
building little heaters and like and potted plants so you could have outdoor
dining or was this a
capitalistic thing i think the government shut them the down i mean they were
bolting people inside
their houses right with like the evidence tape across the door yeah it's not
good i mean the way they
handled it as scary i don't think we should handle it the way they handled it
but even that didn't
necessarily work i mean didn't they have a another surge like one of the things
they were pointing to
like japan they were pointing to japan as being a virus success story right
they just social distancing
they wear their masks went back to work and everybody's fine not true they have
a huge surge there
right now the problem is this virus is weird yeah and i don't think there's a
real way that you can
contain it los angeles contained it in terms of like the strictness of their
lockdowns but more than
anybody right they're they're they were stricter than anybody they have the
most cases now they're
fucked i know you were saying that and it seems like it affects everybody
differently yeah you ask a
doctor a question you know they don't know the answer and our isn't our human
brain trying to find
patterns so we can go okay that's what this sickness is but this thing seems to
be all over the place
yeah it doesn't have good patterns and it affects people very differently in
terms of like what it
does to them some people it's like a sinus infection some people it really
knocks them for a loop yeah
some people don't recover and they die and it doesn't make it doesn't there's
no pattern that makes
sense yeah like the flu we understand the flu is dangerous kills people really
does but we also
understand what to do get a flu shot you know boost your immune system here's
here's some medication you
can take with this like this is so new and so scary that no one knows what to
do i i tried to find
comfort in reading about this the pandemic of 1918 because that the spanish flu
because that was
supposedly two years and i was like okay well how did we get through that did
the economy recover you
know i was trying to like use history as a way to predict the future but when
you read about it at
least the wikipedia page of the pandemic of 1918 we never really fixed it or it
it it like possibly
is still around that that virus and it was i thought oh maybe a vaccine fixed
it no it didn't i don't
know what the happened to the spanish flu was it herd immunity i don't know i
don't probably yeah but
you know you'll find it it's estimated that that's killed like 50 million
people yeah uh so i hope 100
years later we're better at this stuff um never really ended after affecting
millions worldwide the
1918 flu strain shifted and then stuck around oh great
well there's a new version that's december 11th it's a software update there's
a new version of
covid that's in that's hit london now yeah 70 more transmittable yeah fun times
what we know what we
don't about the uk coronavirus variant and they think there might have been a
similar variant or the same
variant in brazil a few months ago crazy not good so do we live in fear do we
yes yes yeah yeah we just
shit our pants and hide yeah now or you you fucking take care of your immune
system and you allow people
to open up businesses here's the thing these these people that are making these
decisions for us like
the mayor of la and the governor of california right which is the worst
examples they they are not experts
in the right thing to do or the wrong thing to do because what they've done has
worked terribly it's been
the worst response and i don't think you can do something and not have a
consideration for the
consequences the negative consequences of what you're doing like telling people
they can't work and shut
down their businesses when the economy collapses because all these things are
shut down and yet you
still don't have a significant decrease in the cases like what you're showing
is you have this one idea
you're sticking with it and you're not there's no indication that you have any
respect for the negative
consequences not only that you don't have a plan like how are you going to
bring everybody back up how
you're going to how you're going to bring back these restaurants what are you
going to do about these
comedy clubs that are dead what are you going to do about these bars that are
going under what are
you going to do with these mom and pop shops that are never going to be around
anymore i don't know
how it is in your life but in my life numerous friends of mine in what appeared
to be healthy strong
relationships they're fucking toast yeah like pandemic has divorced a lot of
people yeah domestic violence
is up um suicides suicides are up so there is a different consequence to all
this now i also find
it entertaining that we elect these officials and then now they have to be in
charge of a health crisis
i i would much rather we elect them off of popularity or whatever it is and
then when a health crisis strikes
we have a health minister who kind of comes in and just like drops the heat on
us the problem with
these health ministers is in a situation like this they don't even take into
account the economic
consequences and right that the economic consequences are also going to bring
with them suicide drug
addiction domestic violence child abuse all those things are going to happen
and they don't take into
account that they take into account the health consequences and here's the
other thing these
governors and these mayors that shut everything down still get paid right that's
a that's a real problem
they are not incentivized to keep businesses open if they were if their pay was
in direct like if
they were like the ceo of a company right where the more money the company
makes the more money they
make they would be incentivized to make sure these businesses stay open and
these people can keep paying taxes
these fucks keep getting paid no matter what happens but they have a term limit
they do but yeah
but so what look yeah by the time newsome gets out he will have destroyed that
state right and also
destroyed people's faith in government because people are so frustrated with
him and then you see
him at that french laundry place sitting around maskless right next to people
indoors oh it was outdoor
dining bitch there's a chandelier above your fucking head not stars there's not
stars above your head
there's walls yeah that's indoors i don't want to hear your bullshit yeah you
are a hypocrite and this is
nonsense you should not be getting paid yeah if you if you let your economy
collapse due to these
decisions that are not based on science like particularly outdoor dining it's
not based on
science there's no data they can't show we have overwhelming data that you know
50 of the transmissions
are due to people eating outside right that's not the case so we are fortunate
in la that you have very
good weather so keep the fucking restaurants open that can open outside help
them accommodate them give them some sort of a bridge to let
them get through this so that on the other side after the vaccines and after
herd immunity or whatever
happens these people will still have businesses what in in la were they letting
people set up out on the
streets yes okay that's good and you know a lot of places okay i know this was
really good at it okay
i noticed that here but i feel like that here is always the case at the outdoor
you could go inside
right i don't give a fuck in new york i mean they you were able to go on the
street but the problem is
everybody's such a dumbass there i was afraid to eat on the street because the
car is driving by
everybody's texting and drunk they're gonna plow into people dude sure i mean i'm
like terrified i'm
like eating like is that a car is that a motorcycle yeah how about when the
snow comes and then people
start sliding sideways and plow into a cafe yeah and there's no heaters you
know there's an there's an
example of a of a restaurant owner who said i'm now more of a outdoor general
contractor than a restaurant
owner because all i spend my time doing is finding propane for the heaters
asking someone to build
potted plants we need more reflective lights on the out this is like general
contractor
shit yeah just meanwhile not like is the shrimp cooked or whatever do we have
shrimp and i was like
oh you got to adapt so hard in new york so quickly so anyway yeah it's not good
it's not good it's not
good but you know but some will adapt and hopefully i i just don't understand
how businesses bounce back
because they've never had to before and so many of these businesses are 30
years old you know their
parents opened this restaurant now the the the sons are running it you know uh
there's a restaurant in uh
in vegas called gaetano's it's in henderson nevada it's outside of vegas and uh
i used to go
to the original restaurant that was in calabasas and uh now the son runs it the
father's passed on and
luckily i got to see him uh before he passed on i ate there like a couple years
back and now the son is
running it and he's just doing all kinds of creative things to try to open it
up and to try to have
people they're reduced to 25 indoor capacity now they have to they're they're
selling a lot of to-go
food and trying to help people out but you know this is a business that i've
been going to them
personally for 23 years you know and and now all of a sudden they're right
about yeah they're barely
hanging on and they were a very successful business it's a great restaurant
yeah they were
around for a long time yeah but now they're the plastic all the to-go too yeah
i mean how much
more plastic are we how many seals are going to choke today i thought we were
headed in the right
direction on plastic yeah new york banned the plastic bag and now it's like
this i mean everything is
plastic well here's a solution for this it's never discussed but it really
should be there's there is
biodegradable plastic that's made out of hemp hemp i feel like you've had
somebody like this on the show
probably for sure i have and also i've had boyan slot who is uh a gentleman
that is uh when he was 19
created a device for removing plastic from the ocean is this that floaty thing
yeah yes this i was like
all of humanity is hoping this works i think he tried it in the san francisco
bay maybe i don't know
well he's no he's doing it now he actually just sent me a message that he wants
to send me a pair of
sunglasses that are made out of the plastic that they pulled out of the ocean
so they're not just
taking i thought it was a pair of sunglasses he found in one of the ocean it's
really great
recycling but they're legitimately recycling so they're taking that plastic
that was choking seals
and they're uh they're reconstituting it and then making products and then the
sales of that
products will help fund this business to try to remove plastic from the ocean
so it's actually a
resource now that he's figured out a way to extract the pollution there he is
beautiful person i love
this guy loving to death and there's his they're cool sunglasses yeah that's
the functional and look
at all the plastic they're pulling out they're pulling out these big huge
chunks of plot but you
know you're dealing with something that's bigger than the state of texas that's
full yeah in the
middle of the ocean is that true that that that trash guy or whatever they call
it because you google image
it i can never find it but supposedly there's this you know there it is maybe
well here's the reason why
you can't find it a lot of it is uh subsurface right like some of it's 214 000
football fields
wow american football or ocean cleaning funded uh of our goal of 500 000 this
is uh yeah american football
they're just talking about what he's been able to clean so 214 000 football
fields worth of cleaning
but it's the largest cleanup in history of the ocean and the the the the ocean
this this garbage patch
itself has been really well documented but you're not really going to find it
with google earth very
well because it's it's a lot of it breaks down and it gets very small and you
know some of it's floating
above the surface or just below where where is this trash originating from all
over the world okay and
and people are just dumping trash in the ocean yes a lot of people do and then
a lot of it just
accidentally gets there in the ocean like like here's a perfect example when it
rains in la everything
comes down the la river and the la river is filled with trash and it just goes
right into the ocean and
there's fucking la river is is is the biggest saddest story of humanity so
disgusting i mean they
fucking concreted it the whole thing in like 19 whenever it was i don't know
somebody died in a
flood and they it is strange to me the la river it's it symbolizes how fucked
up la is yes that's the
river the river is this concrete shitty structure that's their solution you go
to the river here and
there's like paths and people biking and i'm like oh this is like an act and it's
like those bats it's
like this is an active nature drawn river yeah and in the la river it's like we
loved concrete huh
when concrete was invented we just went ham on concrete yeah especially in la
but this is unbelievable
and this is a solution but the obviously the initially let's not throw this in
the ocean in
the first place well it's not just let's not throw it it's things get washed in
the ocean with the rain
and things like assholes that throw their cigarettes out the window they still
do that they still do as
if it doesn't as if it's not littering either i have friends that i love to
death that smoke yeah
they smoke and they'll throw the cigarette on the ground and step on it yeah as
if it's gone
now if it's gone it's gone it's right there well why it's like the one thing
that people don't have
any problem littering with yeah it's not it doesn't count as littering are
those things biodegradable
the filters no so why can't they make that biodegradable well they probably can
but it'll cost
more money yeah you know the the thing about hemp is that it's like large-scale
production of hemp is
totally possible but it hasn't really been implemented in terms of like
creating plastic
in this country yet but you can make plastic water bottles out of hemp that'll
degrade in the ground
that'd be amazing yeah i mean they can do it like this we have this idea like
every time you drink a
water bottle you're up the world and well you kind of sort of are but doesn't
have to be there's a way
to get around this it's totally possible to do as we sit here with all this
water but we need to do
something about this we have a machine to the filter but let's from now on let's
stop using water bottles
let's use that filter thing get some glasses get some glasses that are made out
of plastic so i don't break
them it seems like the the company makes the product class before always before
the regulation
can exist yeah so we get so far down the line with profit and success and dasani
and whoever and then
you have to it's like uber that now they're trying to regulate it but it's just
the business is too big
now yeah and plastic is plastic water fuck well we just do a really bad job of
garbage disposal
yeah it's we do a really poor job of making sure that the garbage is in a like
a controlled
environment it's in an absolute container and you know like a lot of people
will fucking litter
and it all that is a fucking drives me insane drives me nuts we drive down the
highway and see
someone throw something out the window in la you would see these motherfuckers
i drive my motorcycle
down sunset sometimes and you you'd be you know you go in between the cars at a
red light and people
would just throw their stuff out the window not knowing i'm standing there or
on my bike and it
would hit you you know and it's like yeah beautiful you know beautiful street i've
seen people throw full
bags of like you know their fast food bag full bag out the window yeah people
should be allowed to do
something to them physically but some people are gross yeah it just says their
punishment is they have to be
them what is this 157 000 shipping containers of u.s plastic wakes exported to
countries with poor waste
management in 2018. what well wasn't china supposedly yeah wasn't china
supposedly taking our recyclables but
then they stopped because i'm fully convinced that that recycle bin in new york
city does not it just goes
in the same bin as the trash i mean i don't know you know 157 000 shipping
containers there's a terrible
video that i watched about them uh pouring garbage into a river in this uh poor
country they literally
back a truck up into the river and they were pouring everything into the river
just garbage i mean just
let's get rid of it here i i heard that americans have like on average two
storage units so like their
home isn't enough storage so on average yeah that most americans own a separate
storage facility
somewhere for their stuff maybe new york city people maybe texas certainly
doesn't yeah new york city
people kind of have to right you kind of have to a lot of folks in new york
have a storage unit where
they take stuff that they don't use that often bring the winter stuff in yeah
yeah because because
yes but we have stuff we have too much stuff yeah uh if you ever go camping and
you got to take your
trash out with you that's a good lesson in learning how to like minimize your
trash yeah it's disgusting how
much trash we have yeah there's just a lot of the what we have is just we're
not you know we're not
living efficiently no it's not it's not a renewable and efficient but i mean
right now in particular
people are thinking well that's the least of our problems our problems are you
know we're we're good
at thinking about one thing at a time yeah it is it is kind of frustrating that
yeah i mean aren't we seeing global warming reversing a little bit right now or
like like
more birds are migrating and like you know because there's less industry
happening i don't know well
they think air quality is improving but the problem with global warming is the
human imprint on global
warming we're accelerating it right with the you know carbon in the atmosphere
but it's only one factor
there's a lot of factors yeah there's so much debate on that stuff it's really
interesting there's no
debate whether or not human beings are having a negative influence they're
definitely having a
negative influence but you know when you go back and you look at when earth was
an i when there was
an ice age and most of north america was covered in a mile high sheet of ice
and you you see that you
know there used to be dinosaurs in certain places and are now off like this is
not stable like none of
this is yeah this whole planet is like constantly in the state of change and
these assholes that make
houses and put them right next to the ocean are silly right you're silly right
like that that
shoreline varies wildly over into the next hundred years and yet you're just
like here's my house and
i'm gonna put it on stilts so the water can go underneath it but i'll be fine
we're weird with that
man like malibu the most expensive coastline in in america right those malibu
houses and they're all on
something that's just not gonna last yeah and i never understood malibu because
i could never
as a regular person you can't really see malibu it's just pch but yeah it's all
private beaches
somehow they've privatized it's not it's not no they pretend it's private this
is this is the
bastards oh it's it's pretty gross not only is it gross it's like a crazy
situation these people
that own these houses on these beaches hire security to chase people off the
beach because
the beach is in front of their house but they don't own the beach they're on
the beach because
you can't you can't on the beach yeah it's literally like owning a chunk of
ocean like it's not yours to
buy yeah you you own the piece of land where your house is at but these people
pay like 20 million
bucks for this little house it's right there and they think well i shouldn't
have people playing the
drums right in front of my house right well no that's they're allowed to so are
they saying that
they're trespassed to get to the beach they're literally there's there's court
cases because
people are hiring security guards to kick people off yeah of the land in front
of their house but that
land is public land so there's lawsuits going on right now and there's all
these uh these groups that
are trying to make sure that these people don't get away with this right and
that you know restore
public access to the beach areas just like you have a certain amount of space
between your house
and the beach yeah or and you know like but it's not much it's like 10 feet or
some but there
must be a law in place that says you don't you can't privatize the ocean right
yes there should be
i'm i'm i'm happy we came up with that law i hope there's i don't know yeah you
know i was i was
talking about water and dumping in the river i did this this piece on the daily
show there's
uh a company that gave lake erie uh a bill of rights they they declared lake erie
to be a person
to be a human being legally so now they can defend it by pollution because i
guess all these defended
against pollution excuse me yes so so all these agricultural companies been
dumping in lake erie
forever they own all this land it's privatized they dump dump dump but they've
actually because like lake
erie is all fucked up i mean it's like caught on fire in the 70s it's like a
lake that's like
on fire yes 1974 or 78 uh the lake caught on fire was so polluted yes jesus
christ so it's had this
long history of i know like fire it has a long history of just being totally
the worst great lake and
totally fucked over but they declared lake erie a person so now they can defend
it and it was it's still
tied up in legal land but that'd be interesting you know what if a river is a
person what if a mountain
range is a person does it now have those rights and if we harm it can we defend
it why do we have to
make it to make it a person right exactly exactly but that's how fucked up it's
gotten that they can't
get any attention to this issue so well waste you know whenever people make
things it's going to be
waste you know and whenever people don't have consequences for getting rid of
that waste in a
detrimental way they do it yeah i can if they can make more profit by just
dumping it off somewhere
they just dump it off somewhere i have a cleveland river fire oh my god right
so this is the is this the
cayuga river river maybe cayahoga yeah cayahoga river oh my god this goes into
uh lake erie and bro look
how dark that is oh dude that's like 1969 that was a 60 make that larger look
how dark that smoke is
how polluted is that that's the water on fire yeah who would have ever imagined
that it would make that
much smoke that is insane the picture is crazy and i don't know you know i don't
know the pollution i
think it's agricultural you know but yeah it's and and midwesterners have a
long history of like taking
the great lakes for granted and just kind of like dumping all their in there
but it's like
you know this is one fifth of the world's fresh water you know those are glaciers
they just melted
yeah that's what they are glaciers that melted there's there's a bunch of areas
that was post
ice age too that was uh one of the things that uh there's a there's a time
called the the younger
dryas uh the younger dryas impact theory is that during this time period the
earth was hit
and it was during the ice age the earth was hit with uh asteroidal impacts
which caused a rapid
melting of the glaciers and uh there's all sorts of evidence that points to it
that this guy randall
carlson can point out and he's kind of spent his life it's really a crazy story
he was on acid once
and he was overlooking this area and he had this vision he realized like he was
looking at this
incredible terrain this you know it's canyons and then he had this vision like
oh my god this is from
water like all this erosion came from water what would cause this much water
and this much erosion
and then he spends literally decades researching this decades obsessing about
this and has been on the
podcast multiple times discussing this and and it coincides with the end of the
ice age at the end of
the ice age and also coincides with this time where this comet is uh has like a
cycle of passing by
earth and debris from this comet collided with the earth and there's all sorts
of evidence in terms
of uh soil when they do soil samples core samples that there is what's called i
think it's called
tritonite and it's uh nuclear it's literally nuclear glass and it happens on
impact sites of of asteroids
so when when particles hit the earth literally it's the same glass that's
created when they did the trinity
test they did the trinity test and they detonated a nuke so this stuff all
exists in this time period
that coincides with the end of the ice age and that is also coincides with
these rapid melting of
these glaciers and then they they pushed across you know the earth and like did
this crazy to the the
surface of the earth when i google it there's a video from nasa that pops up
first now wow that's
like almost confirming his theory well there's like nasa satellites those car
that this this area
of where these glaciers rapidly thawed out and just tore through the landscape
and move these massive
stones it's really crazy you'd have to listen to him talk about it i'm doing a
really shitty job of
describing it but uh it's a fascinating fascinating thing to talk about but
this is all those glaciers
are all remnants of uh or those uh lakes the great lakes yeah those are giant
chunks of ice the
most of north america was covered with a mile high sheet of ice and then who's
what's gonna happen
when the asteroid comes for us now we're gonna but we're gonna know it's coming
yeah but they can't
do anything about it it's not it's not an independence day situation or
whatever that movie what armageddon
yeah they can't stop it they they everyone there's some people that think they
can stop it oh we'll
just do this and we'll just do that but when i talk to experts like neil degrasse
tyson and these
type of people we're more than a decade away from being able to do something
about it to change the
trajectory of an asteroid they're not putting nearly enough resources into
doing that either because
some of these things we don't see them coming until they're right there's not
that many people
watching the sky and there's 900 000 near earth objects like if you look at the
amount of objects
that are circulating between mars and jupiter the thing that saves us is jupiter
jupiter is like our
security guard no he's keeping everybody all the assholes from coming into the
club he's like hang on
because jupiter has this massive amount of gravity right so a lot of things
that would hit us get
sucked is that why it has like seven moons or whatever it's got a lot of yeah
and there was
one impact thanks jupiter right yeah there's one impact that happened in jupiter
that really changed
our understanding of what an impact does because we had sort of this idea of
what it would be like
and this one thing hit jupiter and the explosion was literally the size of
earth and we're like oh no
and we realize oh something like that hit us that's a wrap and that you know
obviously that's what did
the dinosaurs in and yeah the yucatan impact but that's going to happen again
it's just a matter of
when it's it's always fun to have this type of conversation what is this movie
that just came out
about what you're talking about oh no shit like the last couple months called
greenland oh the gladiator
guy yeah he's in there well listen this is gonna happen yeah you know remember
back in 2015 bill
gates gave a ted talk about uh pandemics and i remember everybody was right
everybody's like yeah
it's not gonna happen well guess what face here we are we're in the middle of a
pandemic we're very
fortunate that this pandemic is killing less than one percent of the population
but it is a pandemic and
one percent of the people that get it but this this is also going to happen it's
not a matter of if
we get hit it's when you look at the surface of the moon the surface of the
moon looks like one
of those steel plates at a gun range dude it's someone yes yes yes yeah that's
because it gets hit
because the moon doesn't have any atmosphere to protect it there's gonna be a
third act to earth
you know and and it's gonna end but it are we a part of that um well here how
about this well so why
why do i have to go to work then there's this all gonna happen this is earth
two okay you know there was
earth one we got hit by a planet okay earth one existed we're in the sequel to
earth yeah this is
the second version of earth earth one they think that's how the moon got formed
earth got hit by
another planet think of that yeah yeah i mean when i look at the ocean and when
i look at the sky i feel
very insignificant and it actually gives me comfort right it makes me go like
dude chill on this chill
on that tuesday morning bothered you or whatever you know the commute don't
read your mentions on twitter
yeah exactly like yo look at the ocean look at the sky and uh it's fascinating
and you think about
men you know hundreds of years ago that would look up there and say i want to
go there or study or learn
about that it's crazy and well that's another thing that i think we've done it's
a huge disservice
unfortunately a consequence of civilization is light and light pollution dude
yes it's ruined our view of
the most amazing thing in the world which is the universe it's ruined our view
of the heavens i can
sometimes see one star from my roof in new york i mean it is like it is just a
giant glow yeah and when
you go camping or in la used to love to go camping and you just get out and it
was just like whoa what
is all that yeah amazing and then noise pollution is the other one noise
pollution is bad too but at
least that kind of dies down at night true the the light pollution never dies
down i went to uh the keck
observatory once in uh hawaii and it changed my life like legitimately changed
my life because you go up to
the top and i remember as we were driving up there i thought we fucked up
because there were so many clouds
i was like damn we picked it on a cloudy day but you actually drive through the
clouds whoa
and you get above the clouds and the view is insanity it's so amazing it's on
the big island
the big island the the the peak of the big island is very high and you get up
there and you see
everything you see the full milky way with all the stars and it's so
overwhelming that it makes you feel
so insignificant you're like holy it's the most amazing view and then you
realize oh my god this
is how humans used to see the sky always always until like 100 years ago and
then we started ruining
it and now we literally have the most beautiful thing ever there and instead we
look down at this
fucking thing well we don't we've we've and i think it coincides with our lack
of appreciation or
understanding of where we stand you know when you look at the mountains or when
you look at the ocean
you do get humbled yeah by the the just the magnitude of it there's something
comforting about it and i think
it's one of the reasons why um like beach towns are kind of chill totally and
people that live in
mountain towns are pretty friendly they're kind of cool i think they're humbled
by nature yeah well
that was my that was that's my biggest appreciation of la there's a lot of fake
motherfuckers there
but in general people are interacting with nature on a daily basis yeah uh that's
not happening in new
york but um i forgot what i was going to say about being humbled oh i also find
look at wars and
it's always cold people you know like the military it's always people are
freezing like caribbean
countries and stuff they're always like we're not going to waste our time with
that shit isn't it
yeah it's just being cold yeah soviet journey america it's always like there's
no way it's not like
some vast military history for like trinidad or you know it's like they're just
like why would we go
through all that trouble yeah we're chilling we're drinking coconuts eating
fish yeah being humbled by
nature i think is is important understand your perspective and most
civilizations in history
modeled their cities like the great civilizations like egypt and the mayans the
structures that still
baffle us today when we look at the mayan structures they modeled them after
the cosmos i mean they
they were in in alignment with these constellations i mean that was a huge part
of the way they viewed the
world they looked at the sky like this and it must have been amazing back then
like every night you just
saw all these stars and they didn't understand i mean maybe did they know what
it was well they knew
enough to know that it shifted and changed they knew enough to line up certain
structures with like the
sun and the summer solstice and they they knew enough they they had a lot of
understanding of it
because you got to realize these people were observing and studying and writing
this stuff down for thousands of
years you know even though they don't have the kind of astronomy understanding
that people have today
they still had thousands of years of observation and they knew how to like make
it so on the solstice
it would line up correctly which is insane you know speaking of humble by
nature jordan jonas who you had
on the yes alone yeah um one of the things that i was so i was so drawn to with
that um season episodes
or excuse me season six of alone i was always like okay i'm gonna see some bad
asses like figure out how
to survive in nature but the ones that really thrive or win have this humbleness
to it all and that's
what drove me to jordan and he's like killing the wolverine with his bare hands
and but he's
still somehow doing this like totally alpha uh nature predator thing but then
he would still have this
like you're you guys are in charge i'm just chilling here yeah and that that
threw me i was like oh maybe
this is probably why he's so good at this too because he's just like you're in
charge let me just be
a guest well he's been in nature for so long that he understands it and he
loves nature like it's
like that guy's uh spent like a long time living with people in siberia i know
i would the reindeer
and oh my god his life is pretty incredible i'm gonna do his survival camp are
you really yeah like
in august he's i guess he's got some survival camp and i signed up to do it i
don't know we're gonna go
to idaho on the horses and like i don't know i'm just trying to learn as much
as i can i just think
be fun i mean i'm like i live in a city you know but uh i love nature but it's
hard you got i gotta
like commit to finding time to be in it from where i live you moved to brooklyn
to do the show to do
the daily show right i was living in la before what was that transition like um
i had been to new york
once before for a year to do a show on fox with regis philman rest in peace and
uh oh that'd be a great
guest but he's he's no longer you can't get him now but um so i was a little
more familiar with
new york city the first time i went there it just wiped me out i couldn't
figure it out i i thought
everything anybody said to me i took it personally i didn't understand the pace
i didn't understand
anything the second time i went which is now i was a little more confident in
in the rhythm is your wife
from there no she's she's canadian so so we were in la i got the job moved to
new york my parents
um were living in new york city at the time so i actually got the daily show
moved to new york and
stayed with my parents 38 year old sleeping with my my parents house my mom
would lightly knock on the
door and wake me up and ask me time to go to work yeah i'm gonna work do you
want coffee yeah i'll
take coffee that's hilarious so and then transitioned moved everybody to brooklyn
but uh have you spent
time in new york like you never lived there right i lived in new rochelle which
is outside of new
york city i lived there uh for a few years that was like ground zero for covid
yeah yeah westchester
yeah that was great they got crushed so were you doing comedy yeah at a new rochelle
yeah i had a car
right and i couldn't afford to live in the city right because if i lived in the
city i would have to
uh park i remember being ashamed to tell people that i lived in new rochelle
right like oh you're one
of those people living out there and you can't you can't hang in the city right
right i was like i can't
i don't have any money like i couldn't afford what was spot pay then ten bucks
not much but the road
was where the money was at i lived in new york because i got signed by my
manager and um the new york scene
was great but you would have to hop from gig to gig to gig and everybody was
doing like 15 minutes yeah
or you could go on the road and you go to connecticut and do an hour and make
like 150 bucks that's what
i was doing yeah i was doing a lot of road gigs i needed a car and there was no
way i was going to
have a car in new york city and pay like i don't remember what a spot was but
it was as much as my rent
was from my apartment that's how much a spot was to park your car yeah i don't
know i'll i'll i'll do
four shows a night but in order to make make it on time i'll be taking 80 worth
of ubers or taxis
so how is this working i don't know how how you know i got into the new york
scene later in comedy
where you know i had road work i could rely on but i just don't know how you
survive and live full
time as a new york city stand-up comic i mean there are people at the cellar
that will tell
you they pulled it off but they haven't bought a new winter jacket in like 12
years it's brutal there's
a almost an embracing of poverty like there's a they not just embracing but
there's a badge of honor
to the poverty that you get from choosing that path you know i don't i don't
embrace that yeah mark
norman drives a scooter he rides he rides a moped around new york city i go is
it dangerous like yeah
but i feel alive right they're driving risking my life yeah you could i mean i
love biking through
new york city i love biking new york city it is fun it's similar to what mark
is saying but i also
fall back on the fact that i'm getting exercise when i do that he's riding a
scooter but oh yeah many a
times i've changed in a green room at a comedy club with like the helmet and i'm
like sweating and
jesus but new york ck used to ride a motorcycle he told me you got hit by a car
oh yeah and when you
get hit by a car he's like okay that's it yeah and i was like you were riding a
motorcycle around new
york city just i got my car hit once by a guy i got out to talk to the the cab
driver hit me he's like
hey you and he drove off yeah that was like there was no consequences and i go
what do you i go give
me your license and registration he goes no and he just he's trouble that's new
york i was like
fuck it's it's a it's a pinball game yeah manhattan's a pinball game and if
when you're on a bike you
feel like the ball sometimes but you get to where you're going it's fast it's
fun uh and it's the
best way to commute quickly in new york city but you're sweaty you're gross
nothing was as simple and
as easy as popping in the car 10 minutes go to the comedy store get a great
spot maybe do another spot
up at the belly room two shows a night in you know through osmosis absorb other
great comp that was
the la world if you were in at the comedy store was was perfect for me but now
that i'm in new york
it's just you know it's a fight everything's a fight in new york do you do road
gigs like in jersey
yeah yeah i see that to me made more sense yeah because i need time to air my
act out yeah because
i'm not like one of the things that i've found is that in new york city some of
the best joke writers
great crowd work guys but there's a consequence of the environment of those
clubs the environment is
you're very close to the audience the stage is very small and because of that
there's a lot of
interaction with the crowd and there's a lot of joke jokes and you for sure and
you have short sets
so you don't have a chance to expand right so i need time yeah because some of
my bits i'm gonna i
want to talk about something that's up and i have to get you to trust me first
yeah so i have to talk
to you about kind of normal that you can agree with and then go let me ask you
about this what why are we
doing this really i need a half hour i need 45 minutes i need i need time to
get to the real i
can't open up with a bit about old people and dying okay you know that i i need
time i have to do bits
about living with my parents up top oh we like this guy he's humbled whatever
now we can talk about me
too yes but in new york it's like hey you got 14 minutes so then i would run up
on stage start my
first joke on me too and everyone hates me and i'm going oh wait i of course i
know the rule why didn't
i yeah because because yeah but you're right so look some like comedy purists
make fun of the road i i
to me it's awesome way to get good at comedy that those were comedy purists
that don't exist anymore
yeah yeah the ones who are successful don't make fun of the road those comedy
that was a thing that was
going on back in the day okay whereas like the people that lived in the city
and they existed and
survived in the city they would mock everybody who went on the road yeah but
those people are dead
they don't they don't exist anymore yeah because everybody does the road now
and you realize like
no it's your choice not only that this arrogance that only the people in new york
city are the
sophisticated people that are intelligent it's so dumb yeah really like yeah
are there morons in jersey
for sure yeah are there morons in manhattan yeah that too yeah especially if
you do like carolines
like if you do carolines you're doing tourists for sure it's mostly tourists
you know i think that was
a that's a big mistake that by the way i love carolines no i'm not i understand
no but yeah i understand
i'm from ann arbor michigan ann arbor is this very educated very i will use the
word pretentious
uh michigan town and people in new york here i'm from michigan and they always
are like oh it's all
like you know michigan militia or trump or whatever and i'm like i don't know
about you but all of my
friends parents were like phd doctors i'm not saying that's a good thing either
but i'm saying you're out
of touch with what what is it existing in michigan and um yeah and so the road
could do an hour now
you can get hacky on the road if you are just chasing laughs and you're just
chasing like you
know i want to be popular for the moment you can get hacky and that's what you
got to fight against
yeah well you know you don't have that fear that's not you're never going to be
that anyway but there's
some people that do give into that as a an argument against that i would use hicks
like would you
understand that perfect example yeah hicks cut his teeth in the south on the
road like that guy did
all the places where the hacks went but he would come in and hit them with some
that they
never saw coming it's a crazy story that right yeah well he started here yeah
this is where he started
in austin okay yeah okay he started in austin and houston and houston is where
you know they had
first of all they had the laugh stop was originally here and then the laugh
stops got sold and then
became cap city comedy club okay and then they opened up the laugh stop in houston
and the last
stop in houston was the first place where i ever sold out no yeah it was the
first place where
i ever had like a real crowd like people would come to see me i did it a couple
of times yeah and uh
they just loved wild comedy there and then i was like oh of course the people
that like when i started
at the last stop it was like 97 like hicks and kenison were in the 80s like
those people were still the
the the remnants was still there like the ripples of their their impact on
comedy and plus houston does
not get the respect that it deserves for being a diverse interesting
intelligent city i have zero
experience with houston houston's great is it really it's great it really is it's
a great city it's so
interesting there's so many different cultures there yeah it's like a massive
melting pot but you think
houston oil texas assholes cowboy hats big trucks that place it's not what houston
is like houston is
filled with great restaurants yeah interesting people but there there's so much
so much intelligence there
it's a really unusual place but what you're suggesting is that a comedy
audience a community
can be created through listening to good comedy yes and i would believe that
too because you go to these
clubs that have actually booked good comics and you see that that audience over
the course of time gets
smarter as well yes and gets more into comedy but so much of the road also is
like hey we just turned
this bar into a thing do you want to do comedy and you're like oh my god this
is terrible but um yeah
but even that though i feel like that's like cross training like it is though
yeah as a comic like you
don't want to do those gigs every week but to do them every now and then is
actually valuable for sure
for sure doing the casino in dubuque iowa and you're i remember being on stage
and i'm doing 20 minutes
and it's going like okay and i'm going why did i fly here to do an hour of okay
why don't we dig
dig into all the new stuff that's probably going to be okay and that'll be that'll
be a successful
workout so that so i you know that's what that's what you do and you go okay
great this works it
doesn't work it doesn't matter it was dubuque iowa but well you know even dubuque
iowa like when
people know who you are then you have your own audience i don't have that
problem yeah well you can get
that eventually you can get there just was just starting like right before
pandemic i was like
starting to see ticket sales go up and sell out a couple things and it's such a
like it's so it's
so motivating because you're like okay some of this is like working and then i'm
not at all complaining
at all but i'm saying like the ball was moving a little bit yeah and selling
tickets is tough and
don't forget that i'm sure you won't but it's like i don't forget you can't
forget it because i know you've
spent years not but it is like and then they screw you too like you know you
know you could right on
the edge of that bonus but like i know we got 500 people there no it was
showing 491 and the agent
says i'll dig into it but they never dig into it it's like it's a thousand
bucks it's like that's good
money dude i had a club i had a club that i know me one year and tried to me
the next year
listen how crazy this was uh i know it was sold out the place is packed of
course you can see he goes no
it looks like it's sold out but uh you know it's just the way we see people and
i remember we had
this conversation in when he was writing me the check we're looking at him and
i know he's lying
and i can't do anything about it right so i go okay fine so i take it and then
i hear from other
comics that he them over fine whatever great club good weekend i let it go yeah
the next time i'm there
it sells out in advance the next time i'm there it sells out in advance and so
as he's cutting me the
check he tells me hey uh i comped 150 tickets i don't know what you want to do
with that i go what
are you talking about what do you mean he goes well i mean uh i wanted to fill
the place so i comped 150
tickets i go i go the show is sold out in advance yeah what are you telling me
he's like mean i mean
we have a deal here's the deal if the show sells out we have a sellout deal you're
supposed to give me
an extra this amount of money right so you have to give me that money he goes
yeah but i comped all
these tickets i go give me the money man yeah i'm like we're getting tense here
but now you're
two times in a row you're running security for yourself i was very frustrated
you're running
agency for yourself you're running law for yourself it's that's what is insane
but why would i'm like
why would you do that when i sold out last time yeah like why would you comp
150 tickets like what are
you doing like this time you decided to give away 150 tickets like bullshit it's
just some people are just
liars they're just it's a dirt the the kind of comedy club vibe can be a little
dirty yeah dirty
people yeah is it different at the big theater though i don't yeah yeah it's
way different because
you're having guarantees yeah when the theater's sold out this is the amount of
money you get this
this is how it goes yeah yeah it's different and also the agents are fucking
murderers now yeah
they're different when when you're dealing with a like when i do an arena yeah
like those the people that
come in those people are assassins it's john wick yeah right they're like they
all come in with
bulletproof vests on they're like listen we're getting paid this is i always
live nation you don't
have to worry about that i handle everything used to love when i would start
out there would always be
like this successful road comic that will go unnamed but he would always bring
a buddy with him that
has like the clicker oh yeah i have to pay his buddy to like count the heads
and i was always like
what is all this why do you have to do that you have to you know you have to
yeah i don't know how
legal the clicker is in a court of law but i know a guy who got over by 200
tickets and he found that
out by clicking they were telling him it was 300 it was 500 people 200 tickets
yeah but that's how it
goes it's just like you know but you i always think listen i need those people
you need club owners i
don't want to be a club owner although i guess i'm gonna guess you're gonna be
clicking but i don't
i don't want to be that guy i don't i don't want to do that that seems like
really frustrating it's a
lot of work it's it's really and i wouldn't want to deal with some of these
crazy comedians oh my god
i mean like like look at any condo comedy condo the club there's always like
some there was always
you know you get to a club and there always used to be free drinks yeah and you're
like well what
happened well this guy it's always like one guy yeah uh and comics are a show
and that was that is
also part of my complaint is like hey comics like i think in general comic
comedians are doing this
but like let's pick it up a little bit like like let's wash your shirt you know
let's let's not but
like let's not be a total slob let's learn how to have a conversation with the
green room staff
yeah let's tip let's let's approach this the way that any businessman or woman
successful in their
endeavor would approach their business now it also leads to more comics being
sober more comics being
like super networky more comics climbing the ladder and i feel like when i
started comedy it was like
this free-for-all fun smoke pot do drugs whatever and i feel like now the
younger guys and girls are
more like professional but that's probably good yeah um there's those road dogs
you know like they're
always the fun guys to hang out with you always hear but but they're the guys
who like you know do
an upper decker in the bathroom the green room and they always sell a t-shirt
with like a lightning bolt
on it it's reference to some joke and you're like you did you sell that to you
know they're they hate
the joke that they but they have to do it to sell the shirt i saw that a lot
when i started michigan i
saw the comics that were 10 years in front of me and i said i don't i don't
want to be that the merch
guys yeah yeah so it's a i mean i sell some merch but i try to you know that's
where they make money
sometimes when you're on the road but you then you have to ship boxes and
shirts and stuff to the yeah
it's a lot of work you have the credit card machine oh no the fight the carbons
the cap of the machine
yeah it's a it's an interesting business you know because there's no one to
teach you how to do it
there's no only one way to do it it's not like you go to classes at juilliard
and learn how to do it
correctly there is no way and you do it different than i i do it different than
tony everybody does it
different there's no there's no way around that your personality will dictate
what your comedy is
i remember greg proops telling me that when i was starting out he was like
anything i tell you is
bullshit because your personality your point of view is different you can live
here go here make this do
this do this and it and it's it's coming from the world of sport sport isn't
like that right sport is
like hit the ball here to this point 10 000 times you're gonna can you do that
under pressure that's
like the big question that you have to answer and in comedy or arts it's wide
open yeah it's wide open
yeah i came from the world of martial arts which is very technical like there's
there's ways to do
it that you're gonna get hurt like you can't do it this way you're in real
trouble that is the ultimate
that's the ultimate tennis if i make a mental error or a technical personal
error i lose the point
maybe my ball goes into the net right in your sport you're knocked out yeah you
get hit if you
get hit the first time i don't i don't remember the first time i fought but i
remember the first time i
got hit really hard oh i remember stars going in front of my eyes like
literally exceed like a bright
flash i remember my knees buckling but you're still active in the fight yeah
yeah well while that's
happening while that's happening yeah i think the first time i really got hurt
was in the gym but uh
yeah i remember i remember thinking like jesus like this is terrible like i've
been hitting the body
before and body body shots hurt a lot too yeah but there's something about
getting hit in the head
where things shut off for a second yeah they flash out like your legs start
going rubber on you
and then you try to like rebound from it so do you have you or any fighter when
when the flash
hits or the knees buckle is there some default of protection yes because okay i
saw the flash i've
got to split second before i'm dead well fortunately i've been hit a bunch of
times and not hurt really
bad before that so i knew how to protect myself sort of yeah you know but i
remember that was the first
time i got hurt i got really hit hard i was sparring i was probably like 15 or
16 i was sparring with a
man right and he popped me in the face with a jab it was a it was a it was a
strong punch and i remember
he caught me as i was moving in and it wasn't it wasn't really his fault
necessarily he was just a
bigger stronger person right and but when he hit me my legs buckled i saw the
sparks and i was like oh
shit yeah and i was probably like 15. yeah and i remember thinking like don't
do that a lot right
whatever the fuck that is learn from we need to figure out how to avoid that
shit and lucky
it was in training the first time i got hit really hard so it was like he didn't
try to kill me were
you wearing the head no we weren't wearing okay i had a mouthpiece that's it i
don't want to do the
equivalent of oh you're a comedian tell me a joke but i'm so such a non-fighter
i don't have any
experience fighting but what is something i could take with me if i find myself
in a first fight what
is like a must nothing it's nothing it's nothing it's like protect my face like
hit first like what
what this is the equivalent of me taking someone who's never even done anything
on stage and saying
they say to me hey i'm gonna go do stand up tonight what what can i do right i
would say move the mic
stand out of your way i wouldn't even say that you wouldn't say that i would
say you're fucked you have
to just experience it yeah well so it's it's like a language yeah like fighting
is like a language and
and most people can't string two words together they literally don't know how
yeah so it's you
there's so much to understand with distance and defense and offense and body
mechanics and when
you're vulnerable and when you're not yep it's complicated well that's why and
this is good that
i asked you that because that's why i will continue to avoid fighting yeah yeah
as best i can do you ever
train any kind of martial art as exercise or boxing class or anything i haven't
i've done like a
bullshit boxing class once you know it was very general like you know free with
the gym membership
type thing but i would i would love to i think it would hum i think it would
humble me which would be
good um but i just don't have that i've never experienced that just like i've
you know never been
introduced to that but i think i mean i feel too skinny and too lanky for that
you're not actually it's
actually for jujitsu it's a you have a very good frame i got a good jujitsu
frame yeah why because
of leverage leverage yeah and also um like shorter people like myself i have
shorter arms it's harder
to uh get certain techniques like particularly like triangles and things like
that your legs are nice
and long like you have always all this room to close up chokes and do two
things and you have leverage
for your techniques yeah there's actually some of the best jujitsu players are
tall and long
no yeah yeah i i would be afraid of getting hit but maybe you don't get hit in
jujitsu okay jujitsu
is just just grappling right okay all right you'd excel at it particularly
because your your background
with tennis being such a technical sport yeah you know tennis is extremely
technical for sure and it's
also very explosive right you have to jump back and forth and this and that
like and in jujitsu it's both
very technical and very explosive as well that's interesting to hear because
that's kind of what
i love about tennis is the the relationship between uh explosive power but then
like very small fine
technical adjustments yeah like the golf you know golfers spend like hours on
their swing
we have that and we have 10 swings in one point but it's interesting to hear
the comparison to jujitsu
maybe i'll start getting out there yeah man it'd be fun to do but it's a
terrible thing to do during
covet because you're literally on each other's face like you have people
literally sweating in your
mouth right and tennis is the best for social distance you're 78 feet away from
your opponent
and you're divided by a physical barrier people are talking about that actually
is like there i saw an
ad where they were actually encouraging people to play tennis be social while
socially distancing
yeah but so many people's knees are fucked and like tennis seems like the worst
sport if you're
fucked up knees and for some reason in this country we all kids play on this
like hard asphalt court
and in europe scandinavian countries they're playing on a soft clay in the
summer and a soft carpet
indoor in the in the winter and this also creates longer term tennis players so
yeah and in the states
it's so much hardcore it does up your knees uh it's a great it's a great great
sport yeah the the lack
of cushioning on hard surfaces is terrible for your knees like playing anything
on outside on concrete
like uh we have a little basketball net in my backyard and my knees are fucked
and just playing with my
kids so what are your knees around jujitsu boxing everything okay everything
impact on the floor or
being hit mostly being twisted yeah yeah my knees are just torn like this one
is actually from uh i i hurt
this one fairly recently in a kicking competition with a friend of mine jesus
christ yeah i had this machine at
the old studio and uh it was it registered like how are you hit yeah and this
friend of mine who's a
world champion kickboxer came in and he wanted to do like this kicking
competition with me i'm like okay
so with pants on 52 years old right fucking slamming roundhouse kicks into this
pad
um i tore uh one of my uh part of my meniscus oh yeah it's it's functional like
i can i still kick
really hard with it but it's afterwards it hurts a little bit it's not it's not
the worst thing in
the world but it's one of those things where meniscus is like they're really
close to being
able to figure out how to regenerate that tissue they're real close and some
people bite the bullet
and get knee replacements yeah and you can do that now and you actually can do
sports like it used to be
you get your knees resurfaced you're done right but now you get your knees
resurfaced and uh there's
guys that are running they're they're exercising this one guy that won the highland
games jamie i'm
gonna send you this guy because it's kind of crazy he won the highland games
and apparently he was
competing with uh out a uh an acl for a long time and uh really up his knee and
uh because he
fucked up his knee he uh he got to a point where it was just there was no
fixing it so he um isn't the
hip replacement like super easy now the hip replacement is is doable go to his
name is matthew vincent
it is his uh here i'll send highland games yeah see if you can find it here
hold on a second jimmy i'll send you his uh
i always forget how to do this on instagram share profile here it goes
hold on a second
yeah i have been very i've been very lucky with knees and ankles and shoulders
and
but i'm also a comic now you know i can sleep all day you didn't up your knees
at all no knees not at
all that's amazing yeah you got him oh yeah that's him okay so this gentleman
he's a gorilla look at
the size of this and he uh he won the highland games and he had his knee
replaced so go
go back to his profile so go back to his profile zoom in on his dick zoom in on
his cat
um go down and you can see him after he had his knee replaced go down go down
uh there's some funny pictures look at somebody's greatest fun so that's that's
after he got his knee
replaced whoa so what they do is they open up your knee and then they change
the surface so where your
cartilage is all torn up they put this intensely dense plastic on the top of
your femur and on the top of
your tibia uh and they they put those those together and uh and then you heal
up and then
afterwards i mean this guy's look at he's he's doing this and but go back to
his profile pics
because i want to i want to show some of the that he can do now go scroll up a
little bit so this is
after he's right there um look at this the movement this guy can do whoa he's
got an artificial so
he's practicing knee yeah he's got a fake but it's not a fake knee it's just
the surface is no longer
cartilage now the surface is this insanely dense plastic but i mean go back to
that again please
look at how this man moves i mean he's a gorilla but he's that right knee is
what he's pivoting on
that right knee is totally re resurfaced yeah it used to be you thought well
you get your knee fixed
i've seen people with artificial knees they move like a robot like you're real
stiff you can't do
anything but he has all the original ligaments and tendons i'm sure those have
been repaired as
well because his acl was blown out which was one of the reasons why he had to
uh do it in the first place
but he can move now like an athlete wow it didn't used to be the case the body
it's amazing isn't it
yeah but they're not what we have we're real close to like being able to do it
with biologics or being
able to do it with surgery what was that you just okay is he moving around in
that too go back to that
because i think he was running okay so he's doing all kinds of different highland
game
shit with like kettlebells and clubs and stuff and you you can do things now
with these resurfaced
joints that you really couldn't do before so they're they're every year they're
getting better and better
at repairing and replacing and but the thing that's interesting to me is being
able to biologically
regenerate tissue so yeah they've done a lot of that with stem cells and they've
been able to do
a lot of like like i had a really up shoulder at one point in time and i had a
full-length rotator
cuff tear completely healed from stem cells completely where the doctor freaked
out when we did a second
mri he was like do you understand how crazy this is like you had a full-length
rotator cuff tear now
you don't have any tear like it's gone and now i do everything with this arm i
mean they were saying i was
going to need surgery they're like we're going to probably have to repair that
where did you get
this stem cells from uh it was in uh vegas dr rodney mcgee shout out to dr rodney
yeah and uh
i did it with him and i also did it with um um uh i did it in a place uh in la
i've done stem cells
there too um that's uh in santa monica called lifespan medicine shout out to dr
ben ruhi um so those guys
helped me out tremendously you you can prolong the process like you can you can
save yourself
and you can you can keep yourself active but i you know i fucking torture my
body i do a lot of
shit yeah and it's all high impact explosive i see the sauna pics dude the
sauna pics when you're
fucking sweating your ass i do that every day oh every day and now because texas
actually gets really cold
right so in the winter time like right now this morning i got up it was like 35
it was cold this
morning for jog this morning yeah so i do a hot uh a hot sauna for 25 minutes
at 185 degrees and then
i do a cold shower for 10 minutes but do you have this the house had the sauna
no i installed it yeah
i installed it um you gotta miss that california hiking no i do a little bit
yeah i enjoyed hiking with
the dog yeah that was like my bonding time with the dog but now i just hang out
with him yeah i i i love
that you can hike here yeah okay i haven't done that there's trails here yeah
this is the hill country
there's actual hiking trails here but i used to have it right outside my door
yeah what's your take on
olympic athletes who have a new knee hip you know at what point do we start
regulating that is that
allowed are you you know like it doesn't offer a performance benefit unless it
offers a performance
benefit yeah there's no performance benefit in resurfaced knees in fact it's
very unlikely that
you're ever going to be able to compete at the same level right that someone
would do before an injury
like that but it might be close like with the the resurfaced knee thing is
fascinating to me because um
it seems like they've got it down to the point where these things aren't
failing so these people are doing
things like they're doing martial arts they're doing they're running and the
doctors are saying it's okay
to run on these things which is like crazy wow because they're what they're
doing is extremely dense
plastic and they're resurfacing the tops of people's knees with this insanely
dense plastic
and so you don't create any pain it can live in our body and our immune system
doesn't attack it or
like yeah they figured it out i don't know how your body actually binds to it
you know it's sort of uh
your body actually grows into it it takes a while for it to heal but your body
accepts this plastic
it's crazy that we can be we can discover that and then there's also the people
that throw the full
mcdonald's bag out the window of civilization though i know you know and i i
find myself too often focusing on
the mcdonald's bag yeah and instead focus on like the fact that we've got
people that have figured
that out or no i mean it's unbelievable well how about the mrna vaccine right
somebody figured out
a vaccine they figured out a way to get a covet vaccine fast track it you know
inside of seven
eight nine months whatever it took to do this and then they're going to be able
to launch that and
you know some people are apprehensive about it but the the crazy thing is that
they've figured out how
to do this and for some people these are human beings that coexist with the
dumbest amongst us i know
some people are so fucking smart they know how to engineer vaccines i i truly
felt this like wave
of emotion when i learned that this vaccines that they'd actually achieved and
done this like it was
so impressive to me and there's so much 2020 sucks and capitalism kills
everybody and blah blah i was
like this is awesome you're in brooklyn yeah i'm in brooklyn exactly that's
true but uh i was very like
taken by that that is unbelievable human feet it is but guess what you need
capitalism to do that
because those motherfuckers want to get paid pfizer dude 100 has a long history
like you can go back
pfizer has a long history of getting in trouble they have a long history of
doing some shady shit and
they they've cut some corners i'm sure and yeah i could send you some some
articles did they refuse to
they didn't want to be i can find them you can james i got them in my pocket
yeah pfizer's done some
shitty things but listen pfizer fine for hiking epilepsy drugs price 2600 in
the pfizer to pay 2.3
billion agrees to criminal plea oh pfizer pleads guilty and drug fraud yeah
there's they've done they've
paid a lot of money because they've done but because they're capitalists
correct but that's also why
they finance something like this they they want a windfall at the end of this
yeah like they're yeah
they want to help society and yeah we love everybody they want money yeah okay
and to help society it has
to be valuable to them to these crooks that make all these vaccines these
people that finance this stuff
they're not crooks they're just capitalists yeah and people don't like that
combination of those those
things that coexist together but that's literally how human beings work i i
said it before i am impressed with
capitalism from the standpoint of watching small businesses adapt and also this
vaccine thing is
crazy to me now i also think pfizer refused to be a part of operation warp
speed because they didn't
want like government to be looking at their shit which i think is why him and
uh trump and them like
had a disagreement about the the amount of vaccine but i also kind of like that
pfizer was like hey
fuck the government we'll do our own thing because we want to do our own secret
shit in the lab over here
so they went quick well they they know the amount of money that they're going
to generate after
selling 300 million vaccines or whatever the they're going to sell it's going
to be insane
this is going to be a huge financial boon yeah to those people yeah i mean it's
going to be
magnificent for their money yeah it's going to go through the roof vaccines
typically are not super
profitable but because like every human on earth is going to get this yes it is
yeah it's going to be
nuts yeah i mean and it's going to be so expensive i wonder how pfizer stocks
do it might be too late
now but likely end up selling close to 14 billion dollars worth worldwide in
2021 wow and they also
do 20 21 they also do viagra right yeah yep they do all the good stuff are you
going to take the vaccine
i've i already had it you think i think i already had it uh but of course they
um they recommend you
take it if you already had it yeah i will i'll take the vaccine yeah um i'm
probably going to get shot
up yeah yeah i'm i'm wondering though you do it publicly because you know there'll
be pressure on
you to do that publicly will they be yeah i mean no no nobody will put pressure
on you but people are
doing it publicly biden receives first dose you know what there's in there
steroids they're hooking
they shot them up with adderall just to keep them talking i think that's crazy
i think it's good to
do it publicly because i think there are some people that are really afraid and
don't or conspiracy
you know and i think i believe in it i believe well i i certainly believe in
vaccines yeah but this
is one of the things that i do believe there's consequences to vaccines for a
small percentage
of the population always yeah because of the biological variability of human
beings but people
focus on that a little bit too much but i feel like there was a perception that
a vaccine was 100
perfect all the time and the whoever was whoever's in charge of vaccinating us
has not done a good
job explaining to people that what you just said yeah that there will be a
small percentage that will
have a difficulty with this vaccine well this is the thing about covet right
like if you look at the
amount of people that get coveted it's a very small percentage of people who
die from it right it's
like less than one percent yeah if you look at the amount of people who get
vaccinated it's a very
small percentage of people that are going to have a but if we concentrate only
on the small percentages
in both cases we have a very distorted perception of what it is you know one of
the things that's
happened during this pandemic is the amount of people that have died from heart
disease is
fucking astronomical is that right it's more than half a million people or no
excuse me i think it's in
the 600 000 range it's normally the leading cause of american death right yeah
it still is okay okay
but there's no concern with stopping heart disease i was i was trying to turn
this into a joke the
outrage over covet and i'm like as i think it just passed heart disease this
year or something i think
it's heart disease it's 600 plus and then cancer at 500 plus i i i had that up
in my head it's i think
it's heart disease six cancer 500 and then covet but it's also covet plus 2.6
comorbidity factors yes
the actual covet is only six percent i know so the actual covet is like 60 000
people from covet itself
which is still significant still sucks yeah but it's not just covet it's poor
health you know it's like
we look we have a soft existence and there's a lot of people walking around
there like human water
balloons just sloshy gooey just filled with cake and nonsense they just they
don't take care of their
their meat vehicle you go to europe you walk through every everywhere if you
see from a distance like
some large people you get closer to them they're always wearing like an ohio
state t-shirt you know
or sorry auburn whatever whatever whatever you want to say as if we got he gets
you guys didn't even want to play this year oh that's right there was the covet
thing there was the
covet thing i'm from ann arbor but i went to university illinois illinois will
play everybody because they
lose to everybody but it's always a big baggy american university of course
because it's just sloppy we're
sloppy man we have a lot of food here and the food a lot of is really bad for
you you know i mean we're
in texas there's a lot of food here that will you up if you just eat it only
dude this morning i i could
not get a healthy thing of food okay like i'm not even look at the hotel like
it just
has croissant ham cheese croissant it's just dude it's just like it's just i'm
gonna feel like hung
over after eating it yeah i'm not saying i don't dig that sometimes but like
wake up morning no i had
a workout one and it's just tough it's just tough this is a good city for food
there's a lot of good healthy food here you just have to look i need to know
where i'm warm yeah it's one of those things you gotta find the options
find the options there's a lot of healthy people here a lot of people
exercising and
fortunately the gyms are open which i really appreciate yeah that's one of the
things that
drives me crazy the fact they close down gyms because first of all for mental
health gyms are
it's a real problem with people when they they have you know there's real
consequences to people
not being able to exercise they go crazy i know i would go crazy i would have
to figure out some other
way to do it and some people just aren't that industrious they don't find a
body weight video
on youtube body weight exercise video they just they just sulk and get angry
and those body weight
videos will get you they'll you up man get you i i never knew how which weight
my body had when i'm
like it is those body dude i was hotel workouts fireman workouts whatever you
call them they will get
you um you know what's great those trx things you have a trx is that the band
yeah yeah i've been doing
orange theory has just been putting out a daily workout that's different every
day shout out to
them i appreciate them very much for doing that and you know it's you just feel
better mm-hmm i just
every every problem if i go through a workout it just it seems more manageable
after that right yeah
um i say that so often people are mad at me oh okay shut up about exercising
meathead yeah it it it's
been very true for me um what was i gonna say about yeah body weight workouts
you're talking about body
weight workouts kicking your ass body weight workouts are great it was i can't
i can't remember
yoga dude you could follow find yoga videos on youtube all you need is like six
square feet around
you you know you don't even need a a large area and you can get an amazing
workout i dread a yoga
workout more than any other hard dread i mean all day i'll go i told myself i
promised i would do it
but it is so beneficial i find as i get older everything needs to be unwound
yeah untangled
and yoga does that uh but oh i hate it you know what it also does it forces you
to hold a pose and
think it forces you to deal with your own right right right where it's like one
of the things that
i love about kettlebells right um the kettlebells are my favorite weights to
lift because you're doing
things you're thinking about these things while you're doing it it requires
this coordination
but i don't have to concentrate too much on myself while i'm doing i get lost
in the movements you know
clean press squat clean press squat i'm doing these things but with yoga when
you're holding these
poses you're like i really do need to clean my office or i was to get my
together why did i react
that way to that person yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah all those things it forces it
there's a a mental
cleansing yeah it's a it's an introspective dousing like you're you're forced
to like think about
yourself when you're alone with your thoughts during these poses maybe that's
why i hate it yeah also
i i find my my willingness to quit disturbing you know like when i'm when i'm
holding a pose and like
i know i can hold it for another 10 seconds but i'm thinking about not right i'm
thinking about quitting
my hey you got 10 more seconds but you can't hang in there for 10 more seconds
wouldn't aren't you
approaching it like the kettlebell guy because wouldn't a yogi say like let
your mind
stop doing it i'm like this like i'm gonna hold this thing i said i'm gonna do
it but it's like
yo isn't it supposed to be like i don't know you know i i like bikrams right
which is i know bikram's
a scumbag but the type of documentary on that guy there's a few stories he
seems like a that's the
super super hot one yeah but it's not him all right even the idea of doing it
in heat he brought might
have brought it to america but those poses have exist for thousands of years
right yeah the poses
are what's amazing and what i like about the heat is there's another element
that forces your body to
produce heat shock proteins right so and there's actually a study that's being
done right now at harvard
showing the positive health benefits of of yoga in the heat and they think that
it mimics the positive
health benefits of sauna so they've done this uh this study in norway that
showed a 40 decrease in
all-cause mortality from sauna use i saw that incredible like if you go over 20
minutes
20 minutes four days a week 40 decrease in stroke heart attack cancer
everything
so i am all about that i just i know it's doing something i feel great after i
get out of there
when i do 25 minutes in the sauna and then 10 minutes of a cold shower
afterwards i just feel
like a new human yeah if you could give someone that in a pill they would take
it all day long it's
amazing but they think there's a mimicking of that with hot yoga and they think
that also with hot yoga
you know you get the exercise benefit as well and you you know look these
people i've seen people that
are in these classes that are like and they're 60s and 70s and they look great
look great and they're
addicted to it they're in there every day and fit and strong and i just think
there's a real benefit
to that not just physically but psychologically i remember so i was doing yoga
like a lot and some
guy rear-ended my car while he's on his phone and uh i i wasn't even angry i
got out i was like so
peaceful right i was like what are you doing man he's like i'm sorry i didn't
see and i'm like
fuck he didn't have a he didn't have a driver's license he's from mexico he's
illegal and uh i was
like dude and i was like okay listen the cops are coming get the out of here i
just told him to get
out of there i just took off right i was like let's get out of here he's a
young guy just i go why are you
driving you don't have a license he goes i gotta work but he was it wasn't i
was like okay i get
it hey here i am this guy who has this nice car and this guy plowed into me his
car was more than
mine i drove to the store my my rear end of my car was caved in when i got to
the store i even made
made it to my set but uh i was like i was so calm and i i i think it had to be
because of yoga i was
like okay i shook his hand i said i'll see you later i just he was i mean i
mean that's nice of you
i'm obviously what are you gonna do like yeah yeah i'm in a position where it's
it's just money
yeah you know my health was okay yeah he was okay yeah nobody really got it was
a i've up before
everybody's up if you drive you up yeah but it was one of those things where i'm
like god i was driving
i was like that's gotta be yoga like it has to be because i'm so not concerned
i was so relaxed about
it was like a different feeling of uh you know if someone people can catch you
at the wrong time
in your life when you're all stressed out in the same exact situation can cause
like a really bad
reaction and i guess what i was thinking at the time is i gotta strive to be
the person i was when
that guy rear-ended me as much as possible yeah you know you were you were in a
state yeah almost
a hypnotic state that you can probably put yourself in all the time with yoga i
sometimes wonder if my
workouts are too um explosive is the wrong word this that don't picture yeah
exactly like if you know
and then i get done and i do feel this jolt come on i want i want the guy to
hit me so i can beat his
ass or something you know even though i don't know how to fight so would it
benefit me to be in a more
chill state yeah and then maybe that's why i dread yoga so much maybe but all
some people think that
that keep you from like getting things done during the day yeah right because
there's a certain just
like you need capitalism for pfizer to be able to make a vaccine sometimes you
need a little aggression
to get done to be competitive yes you know like people don't like to hear that
but there's a reason
why there's this sort of there's this uh stereotype of the asshole businessman
right you know but those
asshole businessmen get done i want that guy to start to work with me on my
business yeah that's
that's a guy who's going crazy and getting cancer yeah because he's up to two o'clock
in the morning
he calls you up mike we got him we're gonna bury these cunts he's like that's
my guy yeah that's
the guy you want to be in business with when i played tennis if i was in super
chill state mind i
always uh played okay seemed happy and lost right and when i was a little bit
like edgy and like here
we go like feet were moving things were you know i could win when i would fight
if i was really
confident i didn't fight well i had to be scared to be a little bit scared i
would be nervous i remember
fighting once in this tournament and i was i was i was winning a lot of
tournaments so i was like real
relaxed you were in taekwondo right yeah okay and uh when i went into this
tournament i didn't
fight well and i was i was like in the middle of it i was like god i gotta
shake out of this
i gotta shake i was in the middle of a fight i was like my reactions are slow
because i wasn't nervous
like you can't be too calm about it i was like i was fighting like right
whereas like when i'm scared
like you're on an edge like and so much of that is fast twitch reaction you
have to be at a hyper
alertness you have to be nervous and but no one wants to be nervous it's a
shitty feeling that
feeling of like before i couldn't sleep and those would be like oh you know
when you can't eat you're
all weirded out but that's the only way you perform at your best you have to be
pressured
i used to hate that with tennis if if you couldn't eat it was so detrimental
because you
had nerves but you need that fuel yeah in comedy i like a little bit of nerves
as well i think we all
like a little bit of nerves but if i have to skip dinner i can perform fine you
know i don't eat
before i i can't i can't i can't eat right but i remember with tennis it was
extra detrimental
because if you're like yeah and i always think about this with these guys
before they're playing
wimbledon finals or whatever and i'm like if they're anything like me i was
playing like a shitty
minor league tournament and i couldn't sleep well because i'd be nervous about
the match they're getting
ready to play for like two million euros wimbledon final are they just waking
up and like crushing
french toast like no they're probably nervous oh they have to be everything
relies on i just can't
imagine making a living off of my tissue right you know like hoping all this
stuff stays together yeah
you know yeah yeah and then some of them are doing wild on top of that like
skiing and
all kinds of other stuff like god you're putting yourself at risk all the time
and then they then they'll like hurt their shoulder moving their suitcase yeah
you just
wasted fucking 15 million dollars did you used to eat a specific amount of time
before you would play
i would try to be on a little bit of a schedule but where i was playing i was
playing like minor league
pro tournaments i was in weird places man you know it was always like a
different cuisine i was in like
kumamoto city japan then i was in z want to neo mexico and then i was in some
small windmill town and
netherlands and it's like you know these aren't big tournaments with like catering
and shit this
is like i got to get myself to the courts i got to pay for the taxi i got to
find a breakfast and
like so lots of times your shit was messed up you know and i would like travel
with from the states
like with these like tons of granola and like stuff just so i knew i could have
some fuel right
i don't think the average sports fan at all ever thinks about the fuel that has
to go into these athletes
and like i always wonder american football players at halftime they must be
eating no oh yeah like
they must be that locker room talk yeah they're probably eating well those guys
are gigantic disgusting
they have to have food constantly always yeah but the thing about football too
is like you know that's
a long ass game dude there's no way you're going to be exploding like that but
can you get by on just
electrolyte drinks and some protein drinks and stuff like that and and and more
more and more more and
more now kind of league because caught caught they're saying but drinking a
shot of pickle juice
on the sideline like in a little liquor bottle is pickle juice bad no it's like
electrolytes it's
it's so i like pickle yeah pickle juices so and so would they think he was
drinking booze they didn't
know what it was yeah oh that's hilarious looks like an alcohol from uh oh that's
hilarious funny he's
drinking green but what alcohol is green like that why would he be drinking
alcohol in front of everybody
they thought he was getting drunk oh god i just make jokes are you allowed to
what are you allowed
to have like a shot of whiskey while you're on the sidelines that's an
interesting question that's
not certainly not performance enhancing no not at all just do it right yeah a
lot of weightlifters do
yeah they drink yeah i don't know i don't know i've never done it if you can do
a breathing of
smelling salts to get a little excitement well i think those smelling salts
though they crack
those salts like powerlifters do and they breathe that in and they wow and they
they go ham but
that's a lot a lot of gay dudes like to do those before they get after it
smelling salts yeah email
nitrate yeah but i think that's different are those poppers yeah that's poppers
okay i think that's
different than smelling salts what if i just knew all about them right now yeah
oh yeah i got some right
here are they like these this is what i used to buttfuck that these uh amyl nitrate
is apparently
like that stuff is terrible it gives you like almost instant brain damage it's
really i was just about
to say that i would actually try one of those just to see because yeah but a
friend of mine who's a
doctor was telling me it was a significant issue in the gay community because
not only is it really bad
for your brain it also devastates your immune system oh it's really bad like
apparently that stuff is
like they they enjoy it some folks enjoy it because it right it makes them like
wild and right right
but it just your body's like fuck you what did you just do to it loosens up the
doesn't loosen up
their assholes allegedly okay allegedly is this homophobic i'm not sure we love
gay people it's
not it's not about that yeah uh we're just talking about bodies and chemicals i
know that rugby players
like to like to booze a little but um during the game do they yeah and and and
with with tennis you
know some there's no clock in tennis so some of these matches pro matches are
like can be four
or five hours so they definitely have refueling strategies during the match how
do you do like
bananas bananas bananas are like a safe bet yeah bananas a safe bet but i think
now it's like these gels
these like high fructose like bikers yes correct yeah yeah because you you got
to man yeah you start
making mental errors and body breaks down and i do a lot of fasted workouts but
one thing i never did fast it
was jujitsu because you could just get fucking strangled not so what would you
eat oh i'd eat
fruit mostly yeah yeah in the morning like say if i took like um like a 10 a.m
class and i'm up at
eight i'm eating like a lot of fruit okay it has to be something like that
something that where your
body like i can eat fruit and then work out hard right afterwards yeah apples
or something like that
yeah your body's not working too hard to break it down you're not doing like
chicken parm before your
jujitsu workout but i've done it it's the worst worst is for whatever reason
pasta is the worst yeah
pasta with cheese and sauce you just it's like you ate a brick sometimes i'll
get like food to go
especially now because everything's to go and i'll be carrying it and it's just
so heavy and i'm going
this is all going to be in me yeah you know like all of this weight and this
density that i'm carrying is
going to be in my body yeah that's gross well i don't work out nearly as much
as i used to because
i used to uh i mean i still work out a lot but when i was doing jujitsu a lot i
was working out
an hour and a half multiple days a week and then lifting weights on those other
days so i could
basically eat whatever the i wanted to you're burning so much but the problem
is i'm a glutton
and i really enjoyed being able to eat whatever i wanted to whenever i wanted
to right and then i
try to carry that on and now i have to be careful because i eat so much the
volume of food i eat
is so astonishing to me sometimes and i i like literally it packs into my
stomach and i look down
i'm like you are so disgusting like are you eating too fast or you just love
the taste yeah the right
state for you man i am done eating i'm not hungry anymore and i'm still i'm
still eating that's a really
gross thing about americans we we eat until we are full and then we use this
term full yes other
cultures eat until they're no longer hungry i have to run out of the kitchen
because if i don't
i'll like start eating like we someone gave us a tin of this caramel popcorn
don't even
start me on that i know you can just go like this i'm eating fistfuls of this i'm
like how many
calories is this i'm looking at the volume of the popcorn i'm like how much
sugar is in that
how much that's so much food yeah and i'm eating that after i eat dinner
because like after you
ate if someone gives you something salty or sweet you can keep going forever
that's like the trick
that those competitive eaters do like as long as you have like fries you can
keep eating like you eat
because the sodium like just doesn't send the signals or something it's like
your body's like
yeah pour more of that in here right let's keep going i i had heard a theory
that genetically that's
how we were with sugar because it was it was so hard to get this yeah in our
olden times that now
it's like skittles it's this big keep going we need like load up on the sugar
you have this opportunity
for sure also we've hijacked our system right because our body has no idea why
this sugar is alone
why is this sugar not attached to fruit the is it to get it in there let's get
it all in there
crazy we we we did a story on sugar in florida and how the industry would start
polluting the oceans
and it was creating the red tide that was killing all the manatees and it was
like
they've been dumping all of their nitrates that were a fertilizer for sugar in
lake okeechobee in the
center of florida and it was hanging out at the bottom of the water and then
eventually through
a rainstorm it would come up and go to the ocean it was like killing everything
it said to shut down
the beaches blah blah blah trying to investigate sugar and sugar companies
watch out dude they're
on it they sugar is sugar scary like what happened we couldn't get anyone to
talk on camera we could
not get an investigative journalist we could not get a local journalist we
could not get a local person
to go on camera and discuss their experiences with the sugar industry also it's
people in florida
it's also it's dumbasses in florida yeah but it's up like i i always say why
are they doing this to
make sugar cheaper just i'll pay a little more money if you take care of the
environment sugar companies
and i'll pay a little more for my sugar but but that's not the way things that's
not capitalism but
yeah this idea you have like oh i'll just pay more oh great we'll just charge
you more right we'll just
do the right thing and then someone else is going to call like oh yeah you we're
going to charge less
and we're going to undercut you and we're going to get a hold of your distributors
and we're going to
talk to the people that you're selling to we're going to look i'll sell you
this for half price
and i'm going to poison some alligators yep and our stock will shoot through
the roof yes yes well that's
the problem with the this idea that we have of corporations of the corporations
when you have
like a ceo that ceo is responsible every year for making sure they make more
money every year
yeah i mean has to grow when when do you stop never never and you blow up the
world
that would be a good that would be an interesting regulation if you could only
grow your company
a certain amount each year because what if you hit the jackpot and you have
this amazing device
and it's sold like crazy and then they go oh you're making too much money now
well that's
some kind of communism well like zoom like zoom like zoom is up right 775 this
year you know is it
really yeah like there's their stock and their earnings whatever but if you're
zoom you're going
okay this is the year we got to like you know capitalize whatever and by the
way good job to zoom i
mean no one really used zoom that i was aware of and then this should happen
and like my zoom always works
works pretty good it works pretty good like skype has got to be like hey guys
yeah exactly what about
us i've been kind of impressed by like more or less my zooms are always working
uh but yeah when
does it stop it doesn't it doesn't it doesn't end i think the funniest thing
about zoom is the
people that get a hold of zoom conference calls and that's funny they dive in
they hack you they show
people their assholes you should do that with joey diaz's thing that's crazy
well so many people got in in
trouble this year from doing things on zoom calls where they thought that they
were muted dude they
thought that that guy from the new yorker got caught jerking off yeah it's
called yeah like how horny is
that guy like like it's you know what it is it's like some people are just
addicted they're they are
really the jerking off jerking off they're really addicted to porn and i don't
think we realize it
until you see a guy like that who's like a prominent journalist who's like you
know he's not a fool did he
the undoing of jeffrey tobin but he is good man of legal journalism lost his
sweetest gig
yeah oh he's good did he lose the gig oh yeah they fired him because he was jerking
off on a zoom
call yeah that's it it was a mistake though and i think he yeah it doesn't
matter apologized yeah but
you can't jerk off and still be working for the new yorker i guess you have to
not jerk off ever
well we can't know about it right you definitely can't do it in front of the
people that you work with
i mean if he was naked by accident i don't know i think some people saw it and
then and then it was
wasn't it like on a press call and someone from vulture like turned it over or
something it was like
i don't know it was some it was some journalists could have just been like okay
we saw it it's over
but no that's no way they could sell with that if he was that's like the sugar
companies trying to
make less money no chance if he was having sex with his wife would he have by
accident would he have lost
his job no maybe yeah maybe yeah if she came in the room and started blowing
them they'd be like
you're a psycho i love that we're creating just total hypotheticals now jeffrey
tubeman's wife is
sucking his he was seen lowering and raising his computer camera exposing and
touching his penis and
motioning an on-air kiss what other than his colleagues oh so there was someone
so he was having
he was having zoom sex oh it wasn't a full-out sexual act but it was much more
than a second
uh what is mx guessing say what is mx is that is that a new gender thing is
that a new thing
fuck off why are you laughing you sons of bitches mx so he wasn't what is that
what is mx is that latinx
mx i can't keep track not mr not mrs mx is that new oh my god it's a new thing
gender
neutral mx is used as a title for those who do not identify as being of a
particular gender okay oh you
fuck you crazy already has a wikipedia page gender neutral honorific what is an
honorific
have you ever heard that expression no honorific for those who don't wish to be
identified by gender
oh christ everybody wants to be special i'm changing all my names to mx or mx mx
mx i'm gonna call
myself mux rogan rogan rogan a mux a mux oh wow so he probably was doing like
he probably had a chat
with he probably had he was probably addicted to like a porn cam girl or some
cam girl yeah well
that's what happens to these dorks like guys who like don't know any girls like
that in real life
and then they have like this online relationship with some gal and they they
send her bitcoin every
day and jerk off in front of her and these girls make a lot of money with these
guys oh yeah they're
also doing really well during this pandemic i'm sure yeah well unfortunately a
lot of uh gals who would
have done other things are now have now resorted to that right and you know the
problem is that's gonna
that could possibly haunt them and haunt their you know their their reputation
as they move on you
know people take right screen right i mean assume assume it's being recorded
and then what if you go
on to do other things and now you have a regular job you're working for a law
firm and someone's like
that's funny because she used to finger herself while i'm whacked off well that
is crazy about
jeffrey too but i thought it was just like like super embarrassing and you're
an idiot but i didn't
think he lost his i mean that's a tough job to get now it's a tough job to get
and he apparently was
very good he was very good at it i mean jesus christ just suspend the guy for a
week just suspend him
you know like the embarrassment of it alone he's probably married it's probably
embarrassed it's
yeah it's kids you know all that shit it's probably yeah did he do his job well
he did he was good so
what the i know do you do you not appreciate the guy for what he's done and an
immediate apology i
think it was like an hour later like oh my god i'm so sorry yeah he didn't do
it on purpose he
legitimately made a mistake yeah it's not only just being a creep like you
shouldn't get fired for a
mistake like that i agree like everything he did was legal yeah he just didn't
know yeah he probably
bored as during these calls and he's like i know what i'll do i'm gonna mute my
camera and beat one
off real quick it probably was much better like if he had done it and got away
with it he probably
did it many times before and gotten away with it yeah yeah probably and he
probably was like way better
on the calls like yeah yeah um i'm i'm amicable that is that is a good idea uh
uh i'm so relaxed
we're up like 25 more meetings now people in the workplace are are reportedly
having 25 more
meetings now why because of zoom everyone is just like feeling like let's
connect let's do it so he's
probably like this is the best way to get off these dumb meetings it's a good
idea yeah but people do
get addicted to those kind of chat chat gals you know they get well they're
probably enticing right
yeah they're like it's like a stripper you gotta really but you have a like a
one-on-one relationship
with this person through the camera this is crazy yeah it's why you pay them
well well this is this is
just the beginning wait till you get this augmented reality headsets right and
you know and then you're in
the room with them and then you you put this harness on your old cock and balls
yeah next thing you know
you're in some suit some wet suit haptic feedback suit and you literally can
feel everything and you're
having sex with this person you think you're having sex with them yeah that's
gonna happen that's in
our lifetime that's in our in our lifetime will there'll be virtual sex that
will be indistinguishable
from from regular sex yeah in a matter of time as soon as elon musk comes up
with this
neural link thing and they open up a quarter size hole in your skull and screw
this thing in place
and these wires are going to go straight to your pleasure center there's a a
woman that lived uh in
the 1970s and she had um she had some sort of a problem with pain medication
like an allergy to pain
medication so they hooked her up to this device um and it was a like literally
put a wire into her
pleasure centers and they gave her a button and when she was feeling pain she
would hit this button
but this button was also causing her to orgasm so she was just hammering that
button they said that
she developed a blister on the finger that she used to uh to to the to hit the
button whoa and she also
was uh constantly begging them to take it out and then fighting with them when
they they tried to
take it out and she also was trying to adjust the amplitude of the thing to
jack it up to make it
higher so she was trying to hack into this device that they gave i mean isn't
this like the rat and
cocaine thing where they they'll stop eating and yeah just go for even though
they know it's killing them
even more so rat and orgasms they've they've actually done experiments on rats
and gave them
them these these the ability to have orgasms like it's sort of the same thing
they've adjusted these
rats pleasure centers and they stopped eating and they just were coming all the
time the rats just
fucking zap that's really sad that she's asking for it to take it out oh yeah
she was begging them
to take it out and then fighting them when they tried to take it out right is
this the thing for the
orgasmatron is that it the orgasmatron is that hers i don't know if that's the
exact one she had but
there's a couple articles about this device oh it could be attached directly to
your spinal cord jesus christ
yeah it's just a matter i had a bit about it for a while but i couldn't really
figure out a way to
make it work right well this is just a matter of time for that's an app on your
phone 25 grand
yeah it's just a matter of time hey what happens if i gotta run to the
restaurant
good good good you guys pause it or what yeah we're good we'll be right back
ladies and gentlemen with
more michael costa and coming
how much time before there is an app like that where you can just press a
button on your phone
and nut in your pants i uh spoiler alert anyone listening for ready player 2 uh
i don't want to
give away too much of the plot but that is sort of where that that they take
that oh in the in the movie
there was a scene where they were like making out right like she was touching
him yes but they
wouldn't have been able to feel that they could experience it but not feel it
oh the new book the
new the next generation it's all feeling everything with no consequences in
your real life drugs
everything oh that's gonna happen sounds like i'm not gonna ruin the story but
like it sounds awesome
because it just takes over everything that was going on in the oasis and
everyone's just living these
experiences you know that's one of the things that mckenna predicted in terms
of like worldwide or
widespread psychedelic use is that they were going to figure out a way to
recreate the dmt experience
in some sort of uh augmented or virtual reality and he was explaining i was
list the last time i was
listening to it it got i wonder if that would work though because he the way he
explains how it works in
the book he was uh going to experience someone doing heroin but without the
like the the uh
addictive qualities of it but if you don't have the addictive qualities of it
are you really
experiencing what heroin is like because if you're just experiencing the euphoria
but you're not getting
that like chase the dragon you're not really experiencing it right maybe also
there's also probably part of it
where you know it's dangerous and bad for you that's part of what the the lure
of a lot of these drugs
is the self-destructive aspect there's no risk in this situation just talking
about shooting heroin
i mean it must be good right has to be you know i never talked to hedberg about
it but i remember uh
before he died like they tried to get him to kick it and he was like no way
i'm okay to die from this he had no desire to kick it
yeah like he had gangrene at one point in time yeah and uh you know they were
he was in the hospital
and they were really worried that he was he was gonna and he eventually wound
up dying later of
something similar but he uh he wasn't interested in kicking it he's like nope i
mean it's it's it's
crazy that we have created something that we want that badly to our own that
will create our own death
what is crazy is how many artists used it you know and had amazing music
amazing like
in hedberg's case amazing comedy that's directly influenced by that do you
think the heroin
benefited his comedy or do you think his brain was just a great comedy brain
and and he got addicted
to heroin that's a sober person conversation right you know i think they're
connected yeah you know i don't
know if you would have been the same guy without heroin yeah you obviously had
a brilliant brain
yeah but was that brilliant brain influenced by heroin i don't know yeah you
know yeah um there's a
show that i'm watching the queen's gambit have you seen that you watched it
yeah yeah yeah well you know
she was she had a tranquilizer thing yeah yeah i was so happy that they gave
her some flaws i thought
at first it was gonna be this beautiful woman who's excels at chess and that's
it yeah i was really happy
with that and and what episode are you on two i just finished okay where is she
right now where is
she living right now she just she was living that with i don't want to say you
know spoiler alert it but
she'd been adopted yeah okay so i really love that that the the other female
character the mother character
yeah it's it's great too yeah yeah yeah also flawed and all realistic man like
heavy duty
shit makes you makes you first of all really appreciate the writing whoever
wrote that
fucking kudos yes yeah kudos to you great writing and like nothing you don't
see anything coming
everything's just really interesting like really i i made an instagram post
about it i was like it used to be
that films were the really interesting things but now films sort of pale in
comparison to these netflix
type shows these streaming shows whether it's uh hulu or amazon has a marvelous
mrs mazel and a bunch
of other great shows like those shows are the best entertainment because they're
serial like you follow it over
episode after episode you know hbo game of thrones and scripted sopranos yeah i
find that those streaming
platforms with documentaries make six episodes and they should make two yeah
and i'm like god stop
stop stretching this thing out the vow on hbo i'm like it was 10 episodes it
was just this guy driving
around la with voiceover what is the vow it's the it's the one about the sex
call yeah it's but it's not a
sex i mean it is a sex cult we find out at a different documentary on the stars
network the hbo documentary is
literally just this one guy i i don't recommend it the vow i recommend the
stars version which i forget
what that's called but but on the other hand like wild wild country they needed
a bunch of episodes
for that which one was that the west virginians no that was the one no that's
the wild the wonderful
whites of west virginia that's great but that's just a documentary right the
wild wild country is the
oregon cult where they took over a town and they poisoned all the people yes
that that cult is wild
that that needed episodes because you had to see it like the beginning like i
remember my friend todd
who's like super straight lace like a real real great guy but he watched the
first episode he goes
he goes like the first episode i was like man i want to live like them right
they're all like living
in this like hippie commune they're all like free love and sex and everybody's
happy and chanting it
seems like a great fun time right and then as it goes on you realize that it
gets really dark and it
gets really crazy that's it but that's a wonderful job by the filmmakers
because to get you to go hey i
could join that thing that'd be fun oh yeah oh there it is okay i haven't seen
that it's really okay oh my
god you have to see it yeah it's really good because in the beginning you
realize the appeal of this
first of all this osho guy that's not him i was going to say what is that that's
that looks like
now the dude with the nose what's that dude on wilson oh and wilson yeah that
guy um
the osho guy is a really interesting guy actually bought his book i was reading
one of his books
um that is uh like like a philosophy book or a you know a book of his uh his
perspective is that
anyone wilson no no that's the actual osho guy with some someone's son who he
didn't pay enough
attention to right when he was a boy clearly yeah but that that cult i mean
they were all doing drugs
and having free sex and free love and they bought a town you know and the guy
who that osho guy had
like eight rolls royces right had these diamond encrusted rolexes he's balling
out of control like he was
he was making shit loads of money and they bought a town right and everybody
was working for him and
they were all living together where was his finances coming from the donations
from all the
people but brother they had hollywood people that were donating i don't want to
tell you too
much because it is i'll check it out it's first of all i couldn't believe that
i didn't know about
this right because it was so crazy yeah and then i talked to some friends that
live in oregon
they're like oh jesus this is this yeah we knew about this this is nuts like
they they bought a
fucking town amazing yeah they bought it bought a town and then in order to
take over the town they
bust in homeless people so they took in all these homeless people brought them
into the community and
then use these homeless people so they could vote as like yeah it's like as you
say i don't even know
if you can can you create a jurisdiction for yourself well what they did was
they brought these homeless
people in so that they overwhelmed the population they had so many people that
they can control the like
the voting and but then they eventually got rid of all the homeless people the
homeless people felt like
really abandoned but it was kind of sad it was very sad because i mean i'm
giving a lot of this away
but it doesn't matter it's still amazing yeah the homeless people a lot of them
just you know like
many homeless people they they're missing community and love and they find
themselves alone now all of
a sudden they got brought into this cult and they felt like they finally had
something right right
like i'm here and i will live my life here this is these are my people these
are my family i'll do
anything for them and they were willing to do anything for them and then they
just used them for voting
and then they'll get the out of here it was terrible and the lady sheila who
ran the show was the most
ruthless and she's still alive she's still alive she's in another country now
she got extradited because she
she got tried with attempted murder and like you know she tried to poison
people
and this is how long is this one this is one movie yeah okay well it's no it's
several hours it's like
four episodes and it's worth it yes okay i want to watch it again yeah i might
watch it again tomorrow
yeah now i might watch it tonight i'm talking i'm all excited about it uh queen's
gambit is excellent
costume designing is excellent yeah i mean her outfits i was like i felt like i
was like into
female fashion i'm like oh i like how the purse is going with the uh i like
that they're flawed yeah
i'm really happy now that we are creating female characters that aren't just
like heroic they're also
like super up yeah you know at first it was like the the pendulum was swinging
it was like female
characters and they're all perfect and smarter than the man and like more
athletic and now it's like
hey can we like even this out and make them flawed just like anyone else and i
like that they're doing
that well i love strong female characters when they make sense what i don't
love is like star wars
yeah when they're making like like laura dern and what's her name they're
making them the generals
and you're like what and they're telling everybody what to do and it doesn't
make sense
they don't have the right voice for that yes you just forced diversity down
everybody's throat i know
what you did i know whereas like alien is my favorite version sigourney weaver
was amazing
and she's the hero of the movie correct and you know my friend matt just told
me this that they didn't
have a gender in mind when they cast amazing they just cast the best actress
correct and it turned out
to be sigourney weaver they they tried men they tried everybody yeah like that
character ripley
could have been anybody could have been a boy a girl didn't matter but she was
perfect for it didn't
matter whether or not she was a woman but she was so good they cast her and no
one gave a that she
was a woman right because it was just awesome yeah that's what i like i agree
with you on that
i went down a pathway with queen's gambit where i was like is this a true story
because if this is true
that there was this beautiful young flawed woman that's very interesting to me
it's not a true
story there's a lot of people on the internet who think that it is a true story
uh it's based off a
book but chess sales are through the roof you couldn't get a chess board when
that thing came out
really yeah isn't that hilarious like like chess sales were going crazy which
chess is a beautiful sport
and um much like long form conversation we have here long form game yeah i mean
months you could really
play they they get into speed chess in that yeah in that show but you can play
chess forever man yeah
i'm scared of chess i'm terrible yeah at chess and i don't want to get good at
it because uh i think
it's something i would get absorbed with i remember there was a time where howard
stern got obsessed with
chess and he was taking chess lessons when he was talking about on the show
yeah yeah and i i remember
thinking oh he's an obsessive like he'll he'll and then i think he eventually
bailed and stopped
stopped doing it but um i've had problems with video games i've had problems
with pool i used to play
pool competitively and i get i get real obsessed with games and chess seems to
be like the most
intense of all intellectual games it's going to trigger the out of your
intellectual what what kind of
billiards would you play like nine ball yeah nine ball ten ball straight pool i
played a lot of all
those games but i played a lot of pool a lot i played a lot of tournaments yeah
to the point where
um i have i have a table in my old studio i have a table at home um i collect
pool cues i have a
bunch of pool cues cues are cool oh yeah especially when they
unscrew and you take you get the briefcase and you know the color of money the
color of money
it's just in the case in here doom that is such a good movie my brother todd
got obsessed with pool
and we had a pool table in our basement but it was like classic midwest
basement and that it couldn't
it wasn't fully unobstructed so we had this we had this like weight bearing
pole right here if you ever
had to go like in the in the uh the middle you know you had to do all this
creative short stick we sawed
one down yeah but todd got really in the pool my dad took us to the nine ball
championships one year
down in like west virginia and we're like you know these guys are like
excellent at pool i mean they'll run
racks after racks and it was like wild how the brain is not how my brain works
but my brother's brain
would be like one ball there two ball there is you're going to move it off here
and that's like
geometry chess it's all like that yeah it is and it's also finesse and touch
yeah and feel yeah and
great sounds yeah it's also a sport that thrives on drugs really like an adderall
type situation yeah
because they would gamble and they would play for you know 15 16 hours the
thing about pool is that
they would play until someone quit and so guys that was like the gentleman's
rule you would never quit
on somebody when you're ahead right like if you if you quit on someone when you're
ahead people would
be mad at you right and they didn't like if you played like for two hours and
you won like a thousand
dollars and you're like uh we'll play again tomorrow they'd be like you stay
and people get mad at you
they would really get upset and you would have a hard time getting a game
because right
you'd be a guy so you have to wipe out your opponent until they say i can't do
this yeah it's like a
it's like to the death to the death yeah it's like like amongst top players
unless there was an
agreement like you could make an agreement yeah you can make an agreement we
will play two sets i'll
play you two sets race to 20 right for x amount of dollars per set but we're
going to make an agreement
right now two sets right that's rare though right most of the time they would
post up and they would play
until guys went broke like the hustler yeah the hustler with jackie gleason and
paul newman that
was the theme of the movie is that paul newman is winning for like 15 16 hours
right and then
jackie gleason has character and paul newman is self-destructive and eventually
jackie gleason
overcomes him i don't know if i've ever seen the hustler but obviously that
great is helped paul
newman get cast in color money oh that was like sure sure that was the it was
the original yeah okay
that's that's what i wasn't sure the color of money was the sequel okay it was
i didn't realize that yeah
they were both written by i think walter tevis is the guy who wrote it um but i've
read the books too
they're pretty similar um the the character in the second movie is different
like there's a lot of
things in the color of money they're different they made for tom cruise and but
in the hustler paul newman
uh retires because like he's he makes a deal with this mob guy okay and at the
end of it he quits
playing and so he's he's retired from pool and then he meets tom cruise many
decades later i see so the
hustlers takes the hustle takes place i think in i want to say 63 okay
somewhere around then that's when
that movie came out and so color money is like 1984 or something i loved color
money that that made pool
go through the roof people started playing pool like crazy and people people in
the pool world have
always said they need a movie like the color money right and they you know pool
hall junkies some people
liked but it never really had the same impact it wasn't that good it was okay
like some people liked it but
they couldn't really play right you could if a person who plays pool like i
watch it would be very
frustrating for me because like if you were watching someone play tennis dude
it's it infuriates me
any commercial with tennis they're holding the racket wrong it's like just get
anyone that plays tennis
to quickly advise you on the right grip and now i'm like but all i can focus on
is that and i believe
color of money i i remember reading about it that they like locked tom cruise
in a room for three
months and taught him how to shoot well because his grip tom cruise worked with
mike siegel okay and
mike siegel is one of the greatest pool players that's ever lived right
multiple time world champion
like literally one of the all-time greats i've had the opportunity to play mike
siegel i played him
i hung out with him he's a great guy um and he was also left-handed just like
tom cruise left-handed
yeah and he taught tom cruise and tom cruise looks like a guy who can play a
little paul newman in the
hustler does not really look like a guy who can play he does a lot of goofy
right but jackie gleason could
play play jackie gleason literally plays like a professional you watch jackie
gleason in the
hustler like he spent a lot of time playing pool when he was a kid like look
jackie gleason was a
guy who drank and smoked and hung out in pool halls he was a man's man he was a
he was a you know a wild
dude yeah and he could play like really play how did you get introduced to pool
i hurt my acl okay i tore
uh my acl ligament and i couldn't work out for a while and uh when i couldn't
work out me and my
friend john start he was a comic as well we started going to this pool hall in
white plains new york
and uh i just stumbled upon one of the great pool halls in that area wow it's
one of the reasons why i
moved to new rochelle because i could be close to white plains because i was
addicted to this pool
people get addicted to pool yeah that's how my brother was what does this say
yeah the video
game doom got its name for the film yeah the video game doom got its name from
tom cruise opening up
that uh because they wanted to know that yeah because when he opened up the
case and he goes
what's in the case he goes in here doom i remember that with his dumb accent
yes he was he was excellent
in that film that's what john yeah that's what they wanted to uh john carmack
wanted to say to the
video game world when they when they released doom what's in there doom doom is
in there because this
game is so crazy in comparison to everything else yeah so that's where i came
up with oh came up with
the name yeah it's something like the the i forget the character's name in
queen queen's gambit but
when she kind of lays in bed and looks up and watches the world you kind of see
like pool players
look at the at the um table that way yeah this goes here today and uh but there's
with pool there's
execution right the difference is you could miss a shot where you're in perfect
position whereas with
chess you just move the thing you don't have to think about your physical hand-eye
coordination and
skills so nerves don't play a factor as much yeah in terms of your ability to
move your body so with pool the
thing that excited me about it was it was about controlling yourself under
pressure and you're
literally applying a certain amount of pressure to a ball and you want to
control the revolutions
yeah that the ball makes over a long period so it's all touch and feel and the
more you play the more
and you get in what they call dead punch or dead stroke where you understand
exactly how much impact
and exactly how hard to touch that cue exactly how much how much impact it has
on the ball to just
perfectly place that ball in position for the next shot it is uh it's a great
game my brother had a
book called how to hustle your friends at pool and used to read it and uh we'd
have friends come over
and they would always get mad that he was reading at the book but but he loved
it it's a great gambling
sport yeah it's what's a game where people get mad if you pretend you're not
good right and it turns
out you are good yeah isn't that what the hustle is yeah right what's
interesting about it is it's also
a game where people lie about how good they are right like men always want to
pretend they're really good
at pool it's a weird thing like if guys don't know you play like i play pretty
good like i'm a b player
yeah which means like i'm not a pro but if i practice for six months and really
dedicated myself
it'd be excellent i can run racks yeah i've run out three four racks in a row i
can play a little yeah
and if i played a lot i could i could i could play on a very high level but
most people can't like i
played for years eight hours a day i played every day i always played i took a
cue on the road with
me everywhere i went when i when i would go on the road and do do gigs i find
pool halls and i play in
pool all night long that's what i always did most men lie like they tell you
like you say do you play
pool oh yeah are you good yeah i'm pretty good like oh are you really like how
good are you oh i'm
good i always beat my friends pretty good you're like are you really good like
if you ever played in
tournaments they'll lie and then you play them and they suck they suck golf is
like this what do you
shoot i'll shoot about 100 you go out there and you're like you lie or you
cheat everybody cheats
at golf everybody gets so surprised when they ask me if i'm good at golf and i
say i'm okay and they
say what do you shoot and i say 110 they go no there's no chance i get out
there and you really
count my strokes and the time that i moved the ball the time that it like
followed the rules i shot a 110
but everybody lies is that a good number no no what what what what's a good
number par is 72 but i
guarantee you he's going to say he shoots in the 90s and when we go out there
we actually play he's
going to shoot like 125 like a typical like 90 ish is probably a good number
yeah 90s yeah number i could
get there but but you would need a lot of time you need some time yeah and and
you don't cheat but
everybody like yeah it's fun it's true people lie about what would do the worst
if you're a single guy
trying to like pick up girls and you got to play pool with them and they're
like garbage
you oh they beat you they beat you if a girl beats you a pool good luck getting
laid good luck they
don't want to you if they could beat you a pool everyone knows that well there's
another thing when
you play girls in tournaments guys would panic when they would play girls in
tournaments because they
have to win some girls are good right right you know there's a lot of girls
that are really good
and you play them because pool doesn't require any physical strength well why
isn't why wouldn't they be
gender equal i mean why why do we have a gender breakdown a pool because the
break well no it's
weird okay and this is this i mean i'm just going to be objective about this
yeah there are some women
that beat a lot of men at pool but in the aggregate when you look at the total
of all the great pool
players the best pool players are all men but the women are excellent and the
women are capable of
beating some of the best players some of the time but when it all averages out
the best players in the
world yeah are like there's a bunch like shane van boning there's uh dennis arculio
there's a lot of
filipinos a few american guys a few europeans they're all men but there's a few
women yeah what was that
like one of them was called the mosquito or something that woman oh the black
widow the black widow yeah
sorry yeah she's good she's really good i always assumed she was good because
she was also hot right and
that's of course the media yeah yeah yeah the best woman ever at the time a
woman who was winning and
beating men at the time was this woman named jean balukas see if you look her
up and she was playing
men back when no men were like women weren't really playing men right she was
playing men and beating
them and she was a killer she was a straight up killer but it's just really
really rare and it's not
but it's not a physical strength thing because pool is not a physical why not
on the br i mean i mean
that's where it gets weird it's okay it's a confusing thing it's like um a
grasp of 3d space
it's like uh an understanding and a perception of angles and it's also there's
a men are just better
at those things there's a competitive drive we don't know why yeah but it doesn't
look there's women that
are way better than me it's not saying that all men are better than all women
there's there's women
that are that play way better than me but when it comes to the best players in
the world for whatever
reason yeah that we don't totally understand it's men by a long shot she plays
fifth when she was nine
years old oh she was a killer gene balukas yeah but see if you got any uh video
of her when she was
playing wow when gene was uh when she was at the top of her game i mean she was
literally as good as any
man alive she was this is her right here she was well anybody can make that joe
she was no it wasn't
just that it was she never oh that's not gene belukas that's um god damn it eva
matiah oh that's
gene belukas versus eva matiah now eva matiah is another one she's she was
another killer but she was
hot and uh she became uh pretty famous because of the fact that she was hot
stop fast forward what
are you doing the billiard that's gene yeah there was a billiard network at one
point in time but i
think it's just an online thing um but gene was uh in in her day when she was
uh right when she was
competing and and beating everybody she was formidable like people were uh
nervous playing her what's that
english version with the huge table and the small balls that thing i say snooker
it's they say snooker
snooker that thing is snooker i've never understood that one that's a very
difficult sport and english
snooker players who come over and play pool they excel at it they must think
pool's easy as yeah yeah
because the balls are smaller the holes are smaller and the uh the table's
bigger and also the mechanics
are so precise like you have to have absolute precise mechanics to play snooker
yeah and it's it's a really
valuable game like the guys who do it really well they make a lot of money or
they did at one point
in time right i think it's popularity is kind of dwindled a little bit yeah but
i remember when
i was in england i was doing a gig over there and i was uh in my hotel room and
i just turned on
the tv and i was watching snooker on tv i was like this is crazy dude they love
their parlor games
yeah darts darts darts is the best 520. so good i love that pub they love the
pub i mean their
their creation of tennis you know it's like this court that's super tall you
can hit off the walls
and they still hit off the walls there there's like the different origins of
the sport of tennis
one of them is called this like i forget what it's called but it's a mix of
racket ball and tennis and
you could hit off the back ceiling and each court would be different but there'd
be a net and you'd use
this racket and a pressureless ball and eventually tennis evolved out of that
but these courts these courts still
exist in the deep of it in english country what's it called what do they call
it over there i'll find
out jamie will find it jamie will find it and this was how how long ago did
tennis get invented i would
say 500 years ago but jamie can also find that out as well um i mean initially
the scoring is complicated
right that's what everyone always says i don't get the scoring the elites
created tennis scoring to be
difficult so the poor communities wouldn't learn it i mean how dirty is that
right and it still works
like to this day people are like i don't want to do tennis the scoring is too
complicated and yeah it was
like french and english royalty kind of uh took the game and they they both
went their separate ways
within different ways it might start with a s it's not squashes it's not squid
no no it's like um
ah i could find it but uh something rack if you google like old english tennis
origin origin
it's strange well pool originated on a table with no holes yeah well there's
isn't that snooker no
that's billiard cushion billiards steak yes yes yes yes on the end yes sticky
or yes let's see what
that looks like that's what that's called it's really strange see if you can
find a video of that
uh i see you can find current current day videos they still playing look at
this dude in like old
old english town this is you know part of the origination of tennis and oh like
this it doesn't
look like oh yeah but that's like that's a super full but it's in a place like
racquetball
oh but this is why depending on the farmhouse that you live in
this would be a different dimension like a baseball stadium has a different
field you know or different
dimensions so you can kind of do like a little racquetball deal oh this is wild
it's like a a
bastardized racquetball versus tennis right wow this is wild you ever seen high
lie yeah that's
crazy but that's a corrupt game yeah that game is full of yes yes those guys
drop the ball all the time
whoops yeah that game is polluted by gambling my dad used to take us to those
games in miami we'd bet
yeah and it was you know it was like nobody there and my dad was like what are
we doing here and people
be smoking and we're betting on highlight but yeah that's like the origination
of tennis which i found
i i didn't know that and i love the sport google uh three cushion billiards so
their original billiard
pocket billiards i believe was started in america it was like a saloon we
wanted to eat the ball it was
thought i don't know maybe yeah i think for whatever reason they they put holes
in the table
but when they first started doing it billiards was like a gentleman sport yeah
and it was like
a parlor game for like the aristocrats and it was a game where it was all about
making a ball hit
one ball and then bounce off of three angles and hit the other ball this is
crazy to me and my brother
has played it i this is very difficult it must be boring as
what the fuck do you have to watch it i watch i've gotten into watching it
lately quite a bit
for whatever you have to hit two balls and three rails or something so no you
it's three cushions
so you hit the first ball and then you have to hit one two three cushions one
two three cushions and
then he collides with the other ball down there but what what has to hit the
three
cushions the the cue ball the key the ball after striking okay so once you once
you hit the the
original ball the cue ball has to hit three cushions before it hits the second
ball and there's a bunch
of different versions of those two there's like bulk line where you just have
to collide the two balls
together and try to stay within the certain parameters so this guy's going to
hit this and then
then he's going to go all the way around the table so he's going to collide
this and he's going to go up
table one two three and then collide with that second ball see that but it's
always going to miss it
see that's a very difficult game it's very difficult because you have to have a
real understanding of like
angles and how hard in the the harder you hit the sharper the angle will be
because you're digging into
the cushion so it's coming off shorter and and the reason that that's this next
guy's shot is because
he missed the second ball exactly interesting so he missed that ball so now
this guy is trying to
figure out so he's going to use this yellow ball and he's going to do this you
can hit the yellow
ball too i think that's his ball i don't know i don't i i've never played this
i mean i've i've
banged around balls but look see how he does this plus doesn't that oh that was
great this guy's
body type is perfect for pool isn't it all fat and lazy is that what you're
saying
world record high run 40. so he he did 40 in a row like this right wow oh this
is the world and
this is 2020. so in other countries this game is still very popular there was a
place that i used
to go to in vegas there was uh this italian guy who ran this pool hall and he
had a pool hall
and it had the best fucking italian food in vegas this guy came from rome and
he was he was a cook
and he was also a guy who loved pool so he but he also had italian billiards
and italian billiards
was really weird and he but he had a terrible business model like nobody plays
this game
so italian billiards have these little like little statues that you i've seen
that
fucking thing i don't i never got i was in the pool i was like explain this to
me yeah and the guy
the guy kept trying to sell me his business go on to buy my business i'm like i'm
not buying your
business bro i'm not buying a pool hall in vegas but see those little those
little statues and like
i don't know what those things do those little pins and you gotta knock them
over or something like
i don't even know what it is interesting that every culture has some different
form of like yeah
yeah it's weird when uh i would go to white plains to executive billiards in
white plains they had one
billiard table that they had set up and all these uh mexican dudes would come
in and play
three cushion billiards they love three cushion billiards and they would gamble
in it and we would
just sit there billiards yeah we i never understood it i was like i don't what
are you doing but a lot
of the best pool players also play billiards because they have this extreme
understanding of like
the angles and which way the ball's going it's like you have to have this
really weird perception of
you know where the thing's gonna but you got to really have a deep
understanding of where the ball's
gonna go i love any sport that you can excel and wear like a bow tie in you
know for real like
that guy's wearing like a vest with a bow tie that's sick well the snooker guys
all dress real
nice that's nice they dress slick and the dark guys always got like a beer in
their hand and they look
like dark guys it's great it's it's it's always fun watching someone's body
type like did they morph
into this body type from being successful at their activity or other way around
are they successful
this activity because of their body type well i think if you are a person who
plays that all the
time you're not doing a lot of weight lifting you're not running a lot you're
just at that pool hall
knocking balls around all the time you know some of the guys uh some of the
better american guys are
pretty fit though because they've realized that there's a great value in
keeping your body strong
because yeah you can play longer and better and concentrate better and also
maintain your
vitality like later into your life i love whenever when tiger woods came on the
scene they're like
it's he's taking fitness seriously and i was like why did golf not realize that
that was going to be
advantageous because of john daly don't be a fat and you can be better at this
sport but john
daly was a fat and he was killing it no tell it to burt kreischer right burt kreischer
apparently has
a sick serve really i know he likes tennis he's he cornered me once at the irvine
improv and was like
we got to make a tennis show and then and then and then he was gone you know i
don't know but
tequila on his breath maybe i haven't seen bird in ages man birds killing it i
know he's killing
those drive-in movie shows i heard but i also like can't see his him with his
shirt off anymore so if
i'm scrolling and i see it i just scroll faster so i don't know if you need to
hear that burt but
if i'm feeling that way maybe other people are too i don't know it's a thing
now he's stuck with
it it's like jeff dunham without the puppets right you can't do it is he
talking about not
having a shirt he takes his shirt off when he gets on stage oh okay the only
place he wouldn't do it
is the or he felt weird doing it in the or but it was too intimate right and
also felt like it was a
workout room just felt weird right but he would do it in the main room so like
every time he did a set
in the main room first of all i would go on after him all the time and i would
always have to hug him
instead of all right his sweaty body sweaty body that's hilarious i mean that's
his thing he just
wanted to take his shirt off before he goes on stage well i don't know you can
create your thing
yeah that's his thing yeah everybody has a thing that's his thing his thing is
takes well he's you
know the life of the party he's the party guy he is and he's always is i have
only interacted with him
five times it's always super friendly super fun one of the nicest guys ever
lived yeah one of the
nicest guys of all time one of my favorite people i love him to death that's
great but yeah he likes
to party he hasn't stopped or slowed down at all there's a video of him on his
tour bus drunk with
a table covered in mcdonald's i mean they have like like he went to mcdonald's
essentially they went to
the drive-thru and ordered everything and all him and his opening acts were
just eating just just i don't
buy that that this is still fun for him come on what way to get drunk and i
mean getting drunk is fun
but the recovery like for me getting drunk has always been fun the recovery is
just getting worse
and worse and worse and worse and now i get like mental recovery i get like uh
anxiety yeah he gets
that too yeah and he just pushes through it over and over again at some point
he's got to stop with
that well everyone's different yeah and you know what i'm not suggesting he
does i'm just saying if it
were it what's happened to me at 41 is i go like i really got away is it worth
it well it's funny we had a
conversation about this because uh our friend tom segura hurt himself really
bad yeah what the
fuck happened to him well bert and him were playing a basketball game and tom
tom can dunk right and
tom on a on a ten foot hoop a nine foot hoop okay god you gotta say that yeah
sorry um you can
have done this conversation before up to a certain point right and this was the
point so he uh blew
out his patella tendon yeah and then fell and snapped his arm in half the right
here the big one the big
one yeah the big one and then snapped his arm in half yeah so he has no left
leg i saw the instagram
pictures oh my god horrific so the legs gone the arms gone and you know he's
still in a rehab place he's still he's
fucked yeah his arm has a scar that goes from his elbow up to his shoulder he
got all that for trying
to dunk on a nine foot rim yeah oh so tom look he's a little overweight and he's
46 years old but uh
him and bert were doing this thing and you know he bert had a conversation with
me he goes he goes i was
always like uh because because you know bert would do all this exercise and i'd
be like how are your knees
and he goes my knees are fine like he goes maybe joe doesn't understand how
knees work and he goes
he goes then i realized after seeing tommy blow his knee out like oh my god
that can happen at any
moment right like i've had three knee surgeries i've had two acl reconstructions
i've had my meniscus
scoped right like i've gone through a lot like i understand you're familiar
with yeah with your
vulnerability they don't they've never done that before so like when someone
thinks it's going to
be okay to be 250 pounds and try to dunk and i might be generous by saying 250
and try to to dunk and
realize like oh you're you're risking everything like you could blow you're so
overweight like doing
all this activity explosive activity is exceedingly dangerous i mean just just
over packing a suitcase
and carrying it to the car you feel that impact yeah and this is your knee that's
now carrying this
yeah but tom is in pretty good shape at the time apparently he had been before
the injury they're
playing oh against someone do they have uh video footage of the injury that
they'll be out in their
two bears one cave live on new year's eve there oh oh they're actually who's he
playing this is uh
oh that's that kid that youtube kid that's really good he's really good yeah so
they were recording
this obviously from multiple angles and tom hurt himself yeah oh look at burt
trying to get that
guy's ball that kid is really good with them that oh look at that tom blocked
that ball i actually
look based off belly oh my god dude he's pregnant but i would say both of them
move better than i
would have anticipated can't even hold on to the ball oh i see they're doing a
two-on-one
yeah they're doing tv1 and he's like 20 years old well he's really good yeah he's
got a bunch of videos
of him going to uh basketball courts like in in neighborhoods and just
schooling people all these
people talking trash and he's really good you know bobby riggs is an
interesting character the guy who
lost the battle of the sexes to billie jean king ah he was a former world
number one a former wimbledon
champion uh when he he used to go to central park in new york as the world
number one player and bet you
for ten thousand dollars but you could handicap him and there's pictures of him
holding 10 dogs on a
leash playing somebody at central park somebody somebody would take three benches
and put them on his
side of the court and he would have to move around move around those you know
he was like a gambling
addict and one of the one of the sides that they don't always talk about with
the battle of the
sexes with billie jean king beating him was that did he throw the match like
was he was he gambling
this thing away now i would make the argument he did not throw the match i
would make the argument
that billie jean king was a much better tennis player than him at that time in
his life but uh
fascinating character and um his first wimbledon he bet on himself to win wimbledon
singles wimbledon
doubles and wimbledon mixed doubles and he did and this was before it was a
professional tournament
so like that was how he made his living he bet on himself to win the and it's
amazing character but
anyways watching bert and tom play hoops like backyard made me think of bobby riggs
one of the things
about new york city that i always thought like i have these romantic ideas like
romantic ideas like
living in the mountains well that's one of them another one is yeah being a
chess hustler in new
york city the washington square park i can't even play chess yeah but like
watching those guys play and
just knowing that you could just show up there and get a game at any time and
these literal like
grand masters like these these people play so good like in searching for bobby
fisher yep yep
these guys are killers and they all meet there every day and play chess they
set up their board
yeah they got their coffee and they read the paper and when you sit down yeah
and you know what you
can sit down and be shitty at chess they won't sit with you very long like like
they'll defeat you
but they'll they'll maybe help you a little bit but yeah it's pretty cool that
they do that what's
interesting there's a community like that yeah yeah that they have this place
where they can go
and play yeah i always thought that's amazing that's cool if there's something
you were really into
there was a place you knew you could go well that used to be the case with new
york city with pool too
new york city had a strong pool community like whereas the pool has kind of
died out in a lot of the
country like in los angeles man it was impossible to find a pool hall there was
like house of billiards
in santa monica yeah house of billiards in santa monica there's hard times down
in bellflower which
is like world class okay hard times but kovitz killed them killed everybody i
think santa monica
is going under i think they're going to sell and then there's it's a house of
billiards in sherman
oaks too where i used to play okay i mean you need space you need space yeah
you need a lot of tables yeah
and it's not something like chess we could just go to the park and set up yeah
yeah you need you need
tables they need to be maintained you need lights there's always a little bit
of uh when you walk
into a pool hall you always feel like it's been put on like a grimy filter you
know always yeah dirty
people yeah and people on dates and right and dudes who don't know how to play
they talk a lot of
shit yeah there's always a lot of that yeah it's um it's a very american game
you know i've been to
the house of billiards there in santa monica with my brother a few times but uh
i just never could
the brain didn't click as much different sports my brain clicking oh i got that
but like billiards it
was just never i still hold it like this you know i'm supposed to do the like
what is it like that
well it depends on the shot okay yeah okay all right got it open bridge or
closed bridge i love
i would love to have my own queue that would have been sick yeah screw it in
you know doom it's for
me it was probably a thing that i never would have gotten into if i didn't get
injured but when i got
injured this you know when you tear an acl it's a long rehab yeah months and
months you know and i
couldn't do any martial arts so i would play pool and so when i started playing
pool i got really lucky
that the place that i went to was filled with hustlers right and filled with
guys who are playing
big money games and it's a bachelor's thing it's like it totally is these guys
yes most of them were
they were the divorced or they're never gonna get married or they're living in
flop houses and all they
did was play pool and they would meet together and they would go to places and
people would come to them
and they would gamble it was all about gambling and i i fell in love with it
because i was like wow this is
like a lost part of our society totally and it was it was also a man thing
where i mean it wasn't that
there weren't women there there were women there there's women that really got
into the game as well
but these guys were they were smoking cigarettes yeah and they were talking
yeah and they were
gambling and and and you're like you don't have any heart you want to bet some
money and they
were doing it was this like total outlier of society thing this outcast thing
and i just felt like look
i always felt like an outcast as a person i never i always felt real
uncomfortable around people that
had like stable families yeah like yeah i was that's why i got into comedy like
i felt like oh these people
are all weirdos too and then with pools like oh these people are weirdos too it's
like oh these are all
this is like this weird segment of society that did they just decided you know
what a job i'm just
gonna like hustle pool i'm gonna play in tournaments i'm gonna travel on the
road i'm gonna barely get
by but i'm gonna be doing what i enjoy doing it it has much like comedy because
when i entered the
comedy community i remember thinking like oh this is great these people don't
judge at all at all except
for your set then they're all judging yeah that's not fine they literally don't
give a fuck what you
do who you are what you look like it's beautiful yeah if you're a killer you're
a killer if you're
a killer you're a killer and uh i remember coming from my family was very
structured sports is very
structured and when i entered the comedy world it was like holy anything goes
yeah anything goes and
it was very freeing and uh it is true when you walk into a pool hall you see
some boys in the corner
smoking and they're talking and it's like it's a little bit of a ragtag group
yeah a lot of a ragtag
group yeah it was at the time when i first started playing pool i realized that
like these were the
people that they they were they were the people that just for whatever reason
nothing else clicked yeah
nothing else clicked but they found this place where they could they were all
doing drugs like so many
what kind of drugs all kinds of drugs pills a lot of guys did pills like like
to focus on the game
or just yeah and also just because they were drunk junkies also because they
were addicted to the drugs
a lot of guys did coke a lot of guys smoked pot right it was a just a wild
community they were just
different kinds of human beings you know they were they were wild people man
they were really wild people
and uh they just were outcast i met this one guy's name was international sal
and it's your first name
and that was his nickname everybody had a nickname but international sal uh was
one of the first guys
to ever uh run scams with credit cards you know those things we're talking
about those credit card
things yeah well he would take those carbons and he would buy them from stores
like he had a guy in
stores that would get them to him and then they would make a duplicate of that
card and they would
use those cards and they would like buy a bunch of shit and sell a bunch of
yeah and so he was like
a gangster he would he would be at the pool hall and guys would come to him
with paper bags filled with
money it's always some shady going on there oh yeah yeah and he would lose it
all he was a loser i mean
international sal yeah but he could play he could play too but he would always
choke yeah and that
was the the knock on international sals that when it came down to the money
ball he would always fall
apart and he was always like good for he was addicted to gambling right so he's
always trying to gamble
and he would come down to the money ball and always fall apart it was wild to
see like that these
people they lived this in this way that was so outside the lines that's crazy i
mean i'm thinking of the
biathlon now when they when they cross-country ski and then they lay down and
they gotta fire the gun
yeah and they fire in between they can bring their heart rate down 40 beats a
minute um meaning if it's
at 160 they can bring it to 120 and so they can fire in between their heartbeats
it doesn't affect
their uh their gun and i'm also thinking about pool and on the money ball it's
the pressure shot yeah and it's a
fine movement like you were saying earlier and you do have to figure out how to
execute that under
pressure with such tiny motor skills you also have that's crazy you have to not
think about missing
the thing is about when you think about missing you miss so it's really weird
like you've got to
achieve this zen state but you have as much time as you want on the shot right
yeah yeah well no on
some some matches they have they execute a shot clock okay but oh right that's
tv billions i've
seen that yeah yeah that's yeah but that's to try to make it more interesting
yeah but most of the
time in professional tournaments they don't have a shot clock and in hustler
pool there's no shot
clock no there's no rules yeah and that's one thing that people do that frustrates
people is they'll
overlook a shot like look at a shot over and over and over again just to drive
the guy crazy you're
sitting there watching yeah and people like we'll shoot already and like i'll
take my time i'll shoot
when i want you can shoot when you want and they have these arguments and shit
but it's uh there's
so much psychology involved in in gambling yeah and and playing games and with
each other you know
there's this guy his name was uh his nickname was water dog and he was addicted
to heroin and he would go
and he would go into the bathroom and uh he would uh also his other nickname is
buffalo bill for some
strange reason all right but he would go to the back because he looked like
buffalo bill he had this
crazy mustache he would go to the bathroom and he would shoot heroin and he
would come out christ he
would come out and he would sit on a chair he'd sit on one of these pool stools
like this getting the
nods right just sit there for like a half an hour and then he'd come out of it
and he'd be ready to
play and he had like dead eyes like a gerbil like a shark eyes and he wouldn't
miss he would not
fucking miss and he was a world-class player like a legitimate world-class
professional player and when
he shot heroin he couldn't fucking miss he played so good and uh i met him in
new jersey or i met him
in new york rather i played with him all over the east coast and then when i
came to la i went to hard
times billiards as well as i was on a television shows on news radio right and
on the sundays i would
go play in the hard times tournament they had like this professional tournament
down there and i would
always lose but i would play and uh i went down there on sunday nine ball yeah
and i went down there
and this i mean it's like one of the some of the best players in the world will
come down to the hard
time sunday player right and he was there and he didn't have any money to get
into the tournament
and so uh he was there i go hey man what are you doing he goes what are you
doing out here i go i
live here now and he's like like he didn't really he was out of it he didn't
understand i was on
television he didn't understand anything but he just knew me as joe the
comedian because i was joe the
comedian from and uh he i go you playing he goes i don't have the money to get
in i go i'll put you
in and uh he goes i gotta get a bag though and i i go okay and he goes can you
take me i go take you
where to get a bag take him to come i go dude if they if we get arrested they
take my car goes we
won't get arrested i go no no we could easily get arrested i go a white guy in
a toyota supra in
also compton looking for heroin yeah i'm afraid to pay for his game is nice you
don't have to take him
to go get heroin so i i put him in the tournament with no heroin and he played
like right now he
played like like on purpose like you could tell like he was like he's just so
frustrated that i
wouldn't take him to get heroin he was like really mad he's really mad at me
for not taking he's like
you're not gonna lose your car i'm like but i could right i go i'm not gonna
risk my car
i'm not gonna get arrested buying heroin yeah i'm not gonna drive you to compton
buy heroin man
yeah strange sad and then he died a few years later that was not yeah what was
the international where
did that come from international south yeah because of his uh the the amount of
money that he made he
made millions of dollars that was just his nickname international sal right uh
it was american express
cards he ran the scam with american express cards this is like i mean when i
met him it was he had
already gotten out of jail and it was 93 93 ish 92 92 maybe yeah maybe even
earlier nine yeah 92 so he
had probably been in jail in the like 80s like like when they first invented
credit cards and the first
did the swiping thing right he figured out a way to to make extra credit cards
and you know there was no
computers back then so you could literally make a copy of someone's card and by
the time they figured
out yeah that wasn't you got the bill in the end of the month you're like what
the is this i didn't
buy a car and then they would have to figure out a way to make your phone goes
did you just spend
whatever whatever exactly instantly you get a notification so airplane tickets
take my airplane
ticket airplane ticket it was like hilarious so for whatever reason you know
they call them
international sal but there was funny there was all these different guys that
had these crazy names
like some of them were real simple like ray the fireman he was just a guy who
was a fireman
you know and then uh you know there's different different people had different
nicknames based on
you know where you came from like mount vernon tommy he's from mount vernon you
know white plains
charlie was this guy that i i met he was this old dude who's really old and
like really frail like
he may probably weighed about 90 pounds but he was a killer pool player who
just was addicted to gambling
he would play yeah he would horse bet all day you bet the horses you know like
off track betting he
would do that all day and they would come in and and play pool and would always
lose he would like win
occasionally but most of the time lose it's kind of a gambler's paradise as far
as a sport's concerned
right because each shot could be a fresh gamble yeah refresh bet i mean maybe
that's why it attracts this
type it was based on gambling see the game pool is not pool pool is a term for
pooling money together
to gamble the game is pocket billiards its foundation yeah is gambling it's
well it's a bunch of dirtbags
a bunch of men at the like in the turn of the century in the 1900s in uh new york
city there was a
thousand pools a thousand a thousand wow that's how popular pool was wow and it
was a lot of men
that didn't want to get married right they didn't want to live this life that
they had been sort of
forced upon and they had decided to just live like dirt bags and you know
through the great depression
these guys just made a living hustling wow yeah that's nuts how many pool
tables a thousand yeah
a thousand pools pool halls were everywhere and there's some amazing
photographs from the early 1900s from new york city
so when the hustler came out in 1963 pool was like probably on the down slide a
little bit
right like it probably wasn't what it used to be but it was still way more
popular than it was
you know but today it's not popular at all it's gonna say man it's really
fallen off and
i haven't played in a long time but in la it's non-existent but in here in texas
there's still
some pool halls yeah there's some places you can go but it's just one of those
things it's it takes
a long time to learn and you know video games are more exciting yeah a lot of
kids that would have gone
and played pool they became addicted to video games instead it may have a resurgence
after the
netflix series called the king's pocket yeah you know well if someone came up
with a real netflix
series where they explained like the the the you'd it would have to be like the
the queen's gambit it
would have to be like one of those things where you had to you have you'd have
to explain the the
love and the passion that these people have for the addiction yeah you know
because for
there's a great book uh called mcgurdy it's about uh i forget the the author
but it's about this uh
famous pool hustler that lived during the depression it's really kind of a
book sad like talking about like almost starving to death and just living this
life trying to hustle
people but there's this thing where this guy was in a game and they were
talking about richard nixon
and uh he looks up at the screen and he goes look at that guy president of the
world a president
united states and he can't make a ball like they didn't have any respect for
him he couldn't play
like that's how pool players were they didn't give a who you were if you couldn't
play pool
like who are you yeah like why are you alive i always felt that handball was
like this oh but i
don't know first thing about handball but like now that i live in new york i
see like the the culture
and the community of handball and it seems almost like a similar vibe i have no
idea that's a lot of
people play that in prison like a lot of a lot of boxers would play handball it's
like definitely a
blue collar vibe i always you know as a tennis player i always felt like i
probably too like country
club for handball but it's like a small ball to hit with your hand right i don't
know if i don't know
enough things about it but it's definitely new york city you know definitely
got that vibe yeah it
doesn't really exist anymore anywhere else venice beach has a couple do they
yeah they got i would
sometimes go and watch these guys two hands they always got jeans on you know
what when i was a kid
i worked at the boston athletic club when i was 19. i was a fitness trainer
teach people how to look
weights and shit oh cool and uh they had racquetball courts there and there was
this kid this
super handsome kid who was uh really like girls loved him and he was a racquetball
champion world
champion wow uh but he was because no one gave a about racquetball racquetball
is trash man he tried
to transfer to tennis no i remember he was trying to transfer to tennis to try
to figure out how to get good
at tennis because he played racquetball and it just never worked out and so he
was like teaching people
and i remember thinking very very this is one of the reasons why i stopped
fighting because i remember
thinking because i was doing something that you couldn't get paid there was no
money in fighting
i had three kickboxing matches but they were they're amateur kickboxing matches
and i i got offered a
professional fight but it was like for 500 bucks or something ridiculous like
that i'm like right
oh my god i'm like i'm in a dead end i'm in a dead end thing i got really good
at something you can't
make any money right that's what i realized and i remember thinking about this
kid when i was 19.
right realizing at the time that i was kind of on the same road i was like i'm
because you can't make
any money off of taekwondo and this kid is not making any money he was like
this he looked like a
winner man like i was around this kid i was like he's a winner he has beautiful
head of hair all the
girls loved him it's like hi man he was so handsome so like and it was he was a
winner he was a world
champion at racquetball he became a world champion it's something that's stupid
yeah and i remember
thinking about that going oh you could get you could get really good at
something where there's no
there's no end game there's no windfall it's just it's interesting that you
made that
observation at that age but also it's interesting when you talk about this
podcast how when you
started it it was like what you know where is this going to go i'm just i like
doing this i'm not
going to think about the end game and then it kind of well i wasn't desperate
when i started this
podcast right when i started the podcast i was already doing ufc commentary and
doing stand-up
i was making plenty of money this was a bonus fun project for fun yeah and it
was a good
excuse to get together with my comedian friends just have a good time yeah but
when i was 19 i was
scared yeah you know i was i didn't have any money i was trying to scratch by
make a living and pay my
rent and all that stuff and i was like huh you know i'm good at taekwondo i was
like this is not good
like i'm doing something that there's and then once i moved out of my parents
house it was around the
same time i moved out of my parents house i remember thinking like like like
and i was teaching
too i was teaching at boston university um i had my own school and i was i was
eking by but uh it was
like this is uh i am in trouble i'm gonna and then when i found comedy i was
like oh okay now i'm gonna
be really poor but no i was like this i can make a living at i knew guys in boston
that made a living
yeah it wasn't that i was gonna be like greg fitzsimmons and i started out
together like literally
one week apart from each other and chris mcguire we all started out in the same
group yeah and i
remember thinking at the time all we wanted to do was make a living we looked
at the local pros like the
the steve sweeney's and the don gavins who made a living and that was the dream
like one day yeah to be
able to make a living doing stand-up there was never a thought of you know
getting rich but at
least i thought i could make a living because i remember that racquetball
champion that guy was
fucked i'm surprised that he was that he was so good because you normally play
racquetball
against an older man who looks completely out of shape looks like he plays the
billiards and he'll
fucking smoke you because he knows the kill shot which is that like front angle
and i would always play
these guys because i but i'm fit so i could i could run around but i don't know
how to play racquetball
like i just hit it against the wall and these fucking big fat guys would come
in with their like
goggles and they just crush me but there's a little bit of that yeah there's a
little bit of that um
i remember coaching tennis at university of michigan and i was making 27 000 a
year okay and i was i was
gonna get a three thousand dollar bonus if i did camps which camps were like
three weeks in july
16 hours a day sucked but i did it so i made like 30 grand coaching tennis and
i remember thinking
if i leave now i can probably make 20 grand doing comedy i was wrong first year
you probably made
like four i've been like four grand but i remember but it motivated me that i
was already poor and i was
like you know i'm not like real poor but 30 000 a year poor is not great so i
was saying i can switch
professions now and probably get close to how old were you when you started i
started when i was 24.
that's a good time that was a good time i started 21. okay that's once you get
like 37 it gets sketchy
yeah like jesus christ what happened to your life yeah but you have enough life
perspective
maybe you can pull it off if you're disciplined yeah but i mean i felt like at
24 i was still hungry
enough to push but i yeah i mean some of these guys they get married and their
wife doesn't even
know him as a comic and then they need to try it's like you can't do it man
that's that's ugly or when
you have a kid you're married and you have kids and you have a full-time job
and tell your wife look
i'm i'm thinking about going on the road she's like what are you talking about
we need money we need to
keep a roof over our head you coach tommy's baseball team when you're young and
poor it's okay like you
can you can that's the time to take those chances and take those risks and that's
what i kind of knew
when i was 19 i saw that racquetball player fucking racquetball play really
affected you man it did
interesting because he was such a winner he was such a winner he could have
been a winner at anything
right and i knew that right i knew i knew winners you know when i was around
this guy yeah and i was
i was already kind of a winner at taekwondo i'd already won the u.s open by
then so i was i was
sitting around looking at this guy i was thinking this is um this this guy is
he's not going anywhere
he's stuck you're a u.s champ but yeah yeah i was you're i was i was working at
a
boston athletic club teaching people how to lift weights i met bobby orr though
i met bobby orr there
i used to help bobby orr get on the versa climber bobby orr that's the other
thing i realized too
that um this is before i had hurt my knee i hurt my knee when i was 21. um when
i realized when he was
uh getting on this machine i used to have to help him get on the versa climber
because he had had so
many knee surgeries his legs up and down the sides of both legs were just giant
scars that's back when
they would stitch you up with dental floss and staples they would just whatever
the
no helmets never helmets his knees were gone man they were gone i mean he could
barely he couldn't
straighten his legs like his leg went like this to this like this is he had
this range of motion so
he always walked his knees slightly bent and he kind of like shuffled in and
the versiclimber was this
thing yeah that thing so he would have to get on that thing too because you
could kind of do that a
little bit it was no impact right so if you wanted some sort of aerobic
activity and he would play
uh racquetball and you're talking about one of the greatest hockey players that
has ever lived yeah
and he would play racquetball and he would just fall down all the time but
because he couldn't he
couldn't move correctly because his knees were gone yeah there's his knee what
he has a twitter account
for his knee oh he has a twitter account bobby orr's knee yeah so when i was 19
i uh i knew this guy
what is that knee over in the corner that's resurfaced knees those are
artificial knees
what does it say bobby orr back on great what does that say click on that bobby
orr back on on looks
back on a great canadian life oh is that his knees now so he's got artificial
knees now i'm sure
he has artificial knees now when i knew him yeah that's his knees look at his
knees when i knew him
his knees were like that and that was whoa 1986 when i was uh working at the boston
athletic club that was
also how i found out about sam kinnison it's a funny story too found out about
that he's a comedian
i didn't know who sam kinnison was i i was i hadn't even thought about doing
stand-up yet
i was just i just liked comedy but there was a girl who worked there there's a
girl worked there at
the front desk she was hilarious she was this big volleyball player she was
this big athletic girl
she was like really bold and funny and she was my friend and uh i was working
in the uh the
fitness thing and she was working at the front desk and she was like oh my god
you have to see this
fucking comedian i saw last night on hbo and she tells me about this guy and
then she does the bit
where you know where sam kinnison was uh he did this bit about homosexual necrophiliacs
paying money
to spend a few hours undisturbed with the freshest male corpses you ever see
the bit i don't know it's
one of the great stand-up bits of all time okay it's kinnison's bit where kinnison's
like he goes
imagine these guys they're lying down they're on the slab they're like well i
guess my life's over and i'm
gonna be with jesus now and he's like hey what is this it feels like there's a
dick in my ass you mean
life keeps in the ass even after you're dead it never ends it never ends oh oh
this girl on the
parking lot outside she does this this is the bit yeah this girl lies down oh
my god on the parking
lot and she's killing me i'm crying laughing and i remember thinking while she's
doing this wow i gotta see
this and then i got the video tape off of uh like blockbuster video or
something that's his bit it's
one of the greatest bits of all time and you got to realize in in in the time
in 1986 there was
nothing like this yeah yeah yeah yeah and so how'd you even get the tape i got
it off a blockbuster
video it's like you could rent it right you know so it had gone on hbo and then
you get it on vhs
and then i remember watching it i remember thinking oh my god like this is
comedy too like i didn't know
i thought comedy was like jerry seinfeld you roll the sleeves up you talk about
your socks
like i i didn't think it was i thought it was something that i enjoyed but my
sense of humor
was always very up like i was a fighter i dealt with a lot of psychopaths i
that was my my sense of
humor was dark and so when this girl who i got i wish i stayed in touch with
her she was so funny
she was just she was just a funny girl i forgot her name i think it was kim but
she was lying down
on the car i'll never forget it see first of all the commitment that she had
yeah i love that to lie
down on the asphalt like oh oh you mean life keeps in the ass even after you
and she she knew the words
too she said it right but i was crying laughing watching her do an impression
of sam kinnison and
that's how i found out about kinnison and when you first see comedy done it
feels so dangerous
especially if it's connecting with your like sick demented mind in whatever way
it just feels like
holy this exists yeah why haven't we all been talking about this all the time
well i knew about prior you know and i knew there was like great comedy that
was not like the tv stuff
my parents took me to see live in the sunset strip when i was 15 and i was in
the movie theater seeing
this like i remember that too that was another really important thing because i
couldn't believe
how funny he was just talking yeah i remember thinking i can't believe i'd seen
all these funny
movies but i'd never seen anything this funny yeah and all he's doing is
talking there's nothing there's
no special effects nothing yeah and i remember looking around in the middle of
the movie and all these
people are like like holding on to the chair hold on to their stomach they
could and i remember that seed
and then this girl doing the sam kinnison that's probably how i got into comedy
but also that dude
who was the really handsome racquetball player not not being able to make any i
knew he was
and i knew he was trying to play tennis and i was like god damn but i i was
afraid right i was a fearful
person then yeah you know because i was i was worried about being a loser i was
really worried
about being a loser you know when you're 19 especially in new england they put
a lot of
pressure on you to like get your act together and i had already taken a year
off of uh school when i
went out of high school i took a year off before i went to college so i was in
this like this time in
my life where i was like really insecure and not even though i was really good
at something i was
really good at something nobody gave a about other than people that were into
taekwondo yeah
and i remember you were out of it sounds like you're at a fork big time big
time big time but
you can be at a fork when you're 19 is my point yeah when that's that's the
time to get get your
fucking act in order that's the time to figure out what you're going to do and
that girl lying on her
stomach that's funny if she maybe didn't commit to that you maybe who knows who
knows man there's so
many little steps in your life yeah like what was a step that led you to decide
to do stand up like
to do to go on stage the first time well i remember you know you you mentioned
your parents
took you to see live the sunset strip i mean that just says a lot about about
your family dynamic
in some capacity my mom took me at 10 or 11 to go see dennis miller live live
at the power center
in ann arbor i mean i still don't understand half the words dennis miller uses
today i mean he's kind
of changed a lot since then but the confidence the arrogance the i'm an expert
uh love that 11 10
years old i was raised to be you know modest kind humble when i could see that
someone could just
like spread his feathers like that just seemed like whoa what the you can't do
you can't act like
that um so he doesn't get to do he he deserves he doesn't right because he's
because he's a right
winger now is that why i mean once 9 11 happened he went into a panic he went
into a panic i mean
the off-white album is just like it's phenomenal phenomenal and um his rants
his hbo show yeah i've
always been a big fan of his but i give my parents credit and my mom credit for
taking me to see a
fucking stand-up comedy concert he was swearing and you were 11. i was 10 or 11.
i was young so
this affects kids right oh yeah what you do what you take them to what you show
them that you're
enthusiastic about i'm sure my mom my mom doesn't like didn't probably dig dennis
miller's act but
she knew that i was into it she was there to take me to us that's cool the
seeds that get planted and
but you were it was 13 years later before you actually got on stage for sure
yeah and i thought
it was had you always had it in your head i always wrote little funny ideas
down who the
does that 13 14 i would i would journal a lot i actually need to get back to
journaling of something
i've decided but i would kind of go through my day in a journal and then for
whatever reason i would
usually write down one instance throughout the day that made me laugh uh i don't
know why maybe because
i felt good then or you know um so then i high school i kind of started having
this collection
of things that i laughed at and that tells you so much about your personality
and your sense of humor
like you say you have a demented fucked up sense of humor there's probably a
certain genre of things
that make you laugh the hardest and same for me yeah so tennis took over my
life and then joke writing
became a little bit of a reprieve from the pressures of of competition so if i
had a match in a couple
hours or i was waiting for a court to be done i would go sit in the locker room
or wherever i was
and write jokes something so unrelated to tennis just to kind of help me like
diffuse because i put a lot
of pressure on myself to play well so eventually while i was coaching at michigan
university of michigan
uh sorry jamie um i signed up for an open mic like everybody else and once you
do it you're
fucked you know did you know after you did the first set that you'd wind up
doing it yeah yeah i
did i was my sister was there with me drunk she's now she's now sober 15 years
uh i drove her to
sobriety but uh yeah i just got off the stage and just i don't know if it was
the same for you but
everything just started to click oh all those teacher evaluations that said
this oh all of the
coaches that would say this about me oh i'm from a big family and i'm always
trying to grab mom and
dad's attention like oh this is all making sense now yeah and so everyone that
knows me intimately
says i became a much easier person to hang around once i started doing comedy
it's like i was getting
what i needed whatever the that was uh and i hate to think that i'm shallow
enough that what i really
need is like external validation but it might be i don't know if it's
necessarily just external
validation it's there's a the same challenge that you must have experienced in
getting good at tennis
and learning how to play and the challenge of trying to win there's a challenge
in trying to get labs and
trying to figure out how to construct a joke yeah it's problem solving at its
most intense i mean
maybe not most intense not like war but the feel of rejection is so strong that
it's problem solving
with real stakes in my in my opinion and i like that challenge and also let's
not forget it's great
to make people feel a moment of reprieve yeah i mean that is it that is enjoy
it as a an audience
member as well yes but you were a fan of yes yeah yes so i mean some of my
favorite times at the store
would be to perform and then hang in the back and watch yeah and every once in
a while go i can't
believe i got to just go do that yeah while this guy who i love is performing i
just did that too
so i got i had gotten away from being a fan a little bit i don't know if it was
just industry
and just i don't know but i'm kind of back to it now and it's nice i like it
better just enjoying
comedy just michael shut the up and watch this and laugh as an audience member
as an audience yeah
it's also benefited me i remember when i was uh like early days in my early 20s
like 21 22 when i was uh
starting out there was a time where i was very jealous of people who were doing
well and i was
hoping people did badly yeah like i was working with other people i was like i'll
be bombs like i
and then i realized like oh my god what a way to think and then i realized that
i had not taken the
same principles that had applied that i applied to martial arts correct and i
had not applied them
to comedy i i had thought this is a totally different thing and i had allowed
my weaker instincts to
take over and then i remember being very embarrassed with myself yeah and
saying okay that's uh there's
a very weak way to think and you should think about this the same way you think
about martial arts where
you should always look at the people that are good as inspirational yeah and so
did you execute that
change just through willpower yeah really quickly yeah really really quick
change yeah it was very quick
and then i became a fan again of comedy and i and i and i i also realized that
the way to get good is to
have a bunch of other people around you that are also trying to get good and
really the funniest
people surround yourself with them and work together yeah and then go on the
road together don't don't
take bad comics on the road with you go on the road with the best people you
can oh it's the worst
it's like dude do you have no confidence in yourself that you're gonna bring
this like shitty opener with
you bring it's weird bring somebody who can who makes you go oh i better get on
my shit right now
exactly yeah it's weird when you see good comics do that it it says something
about that yeah yeah
not good there there's a website called steve g tennis it's this guy named steve
g duh who compiles
the world's tennis results at every level okay and as a minor league pro tennis
player
i would lose you always lose and you could go on steve g and just look at
everyone's results and you
start to go mad you start to go like that guy's not that good but he won the
tournament
this guy's one oh my god he just won vancouver holy and it would it would drive
me mad right well
why am i doing this to myself and it's exactly what you just said i found
myself at times in comedy
checking steve g tennis of comedy that guy's not funny what the you know why
does he have a billboard
and that's what's so crazy about comedy some of these guys that you're
competitive with
you drive by their billboard you know what other profession is that the case
yeah you know like if
you're like trying to be the number one salesman of your team and then like so
i had to kind of mature
a little bit with that too and go hey man see it as inspiration or you don't
even have to see it at
all and just focus on your process yes focus on what you should use it as fuel
yeah and also you got to
realize that their success does not ever equal your failure it has no impact on
you yeah they're they're
a completely different human being correct but there was a famine mentality in
comedy for a long time
because if like there was only like four networks right yeah that was it and if
you got a sitcom and
i didn't like costa got it shit i could have got that i could have been living
like a king now he is
and that's how a lot of people thought and so comics were very backstabby with
each other yeah
and i don't think it was until the internet came around until like youtube and
podcasts and they
realized that this is bounty of opportunity yeah and then comics realized like
oh you know what's
the best thing is actually we hang around with each other and we get each other
on each other's shows
and then everybody does well yeah that's definitely the right way to be it
takes some maturity to do
that but if you're podcasting and you're hosting a show and you're you know
writing a show and
everyone's this yeah well that's one of the things you see now with comedy
twitter the most bitter of
all people where you see these like angry bitter people one thing they have in
common they all they're
all mediocre yeah and they're not doing well no and they're angry and
frustrated and it's it's so
transparent yeah and they can't see it they can't and they think that somehow
by being mean to people
that are being successful or mean to this girl or mean to this guy that they're
gonna somehow or another
stop this thing that's happening that's good for them and stop the bad feeling
that they have this
disappointment of comparing themselves like it's one thing that these people
have all in common the
bitter comedy world of twitter yeah it's they're just they're just looking at
it wrong occasionally i
would respond to them as for like using it as a fun thing and then i was like
why am i even acknowledging
this existence yeah you know it's such like did it ramp up when you got the
daily show it ramped up yeah
yeah and then sometimes when there's pieces that they'll post that will become
pop it's only it's
only when things become popular yeah if it's not really a popular piece it's
gone right but as soon
as it gets some like success then then people come out but that's okay you know
i didn't i i am not
doing this to be popular i'm doing it because i want to make people laugh and
it makes me feel good
and so let let me just make my group of people laugh well you can never be
popular with everybody it's not
it's not humanly possible yeah it's not humanly possible like you love that my
that tenant movie
right jamie uh i was reading all these great reviews and then i ran or stumbled
into this one review
trash total piece of shit why this movie's awful right and they're like this i'm
like okay well this is
just what i'm saying right like there's always going to be someone that thinks
something that's amazing
sucks you know like uh there's just no getting around that there's there's
certain people that just have
this terrible mindset and they just always look for the worst in things and i
think that's for whatever
reason well for sure that's been exacerbated by the pandemic by people being
forced to being at home
and parent and also just being stuck in front of a screen all the time and not
having the the in
input of other humans and real interactions and hugs and you know a lot of
people need
that a lot of people in my life friends acquaintances have experienced really
fucked up things during the quarantine and as i tell this to other people they
all go yeah me too
divorce losing jobs we need to get out and interact the screen is not it's
working like
10 as a as a substitute that's it and uh i'm hoping yeah i'm just trying to
second what you're
saying that the the sitting in front of the screen all day is just is just
exacerbating our
our already deep down anxieties and fears yeah i mean even wearing a mask and
being 10
feet away from people only gives you like 30 percent yeah you know yeah yeah we
gotta be around like
yeah we're so social aren't we yeah the socialist we're so we're so we're so
social you go to a
fucking zoo you want you look good look at the monkeys they're fucking like
hugging sleeping and
hugging and they're so close they sleep like so close i remember being like
holy yeah yeah the the
mental health implications of this the the impact of it it's going to be it's
going to be with people
for years you think yeah yeah i think there's a lot of people that got real low
during this
pandemic yeah it's gonna it's gonna be a long road back for them yeah not good
and especially people
that are more inclined yes to be depressed yeah yeah um it yeah i i just been
telling people like
what you're feeling is exacerbated right now it's bigger than what it is but
you know
i hope i hope that that we're not doing long-term damage but i don't know i don't
know how how i
could even know the answer to that well i'm hoping we come out of it like the
roaring 20s you know the
roaring 20s that's what they came out of the pandemic of the spanish flu and
then they went
wild and they went crazy like wild animals all right dude we're at three hours
45 minutes are
you serious oh you have a stand-up special yeah you didn't even promote it well
how did you film
this i filmed it before the pandemic how did you do that that was a year ago
yeah i saw you i saw you
at the yeah the la version of this i don't know if you remember this uh i had i
had up the booking and i
i needed to i needed to do some pickups and you had a la improv show on a saturday
late night and
i shot early oh yeah and i messaged you on twitter or whatever and you know and
you were like dude
come down do the thing so that was very nice right yeah i forgot about that's
then that was that yeah
i know so it's it's when was that what it was a year ago it was december it was
a year ago i
shot in detroit new york and la that's what it's titled and it's three sets
around the country well
that's one thing that's really cool because you were in dead punch back then
you were doing a lot of
stand-up it's not like i like that yeah yeah yeah that's not like um that's a
pool term i know you
mentioned it earlier so it's nice like you know like there's a lot of people
that are doing these
specials and they're weird you know like a few people have done socially
distant specials and like
save the material yeah hang on uh i people have been responding to this special
with some nice
like hey it felt really good to go to a comedy club again so that's cool look
is that anything i
expected when we shot it of course not did you film it at the improv i filmed
it at the improv the
new york comedy club in the east village and a gem theater in detroit so and we
bounce around those
three and when i'm in la i make fun of la when i'm in new york i make fun of
new york and then
when i'm in michigan i make fun of the coast so yeah it's really fun so i
appreciate you having me on and
my pleasure brother listen it was great seeing you great spending some time
with you i really
really enjoyed it thanks thanks joe all right so tell people how they can see
it if you just go to
michaelkosta.com i have a i have a redirect there or it's on comedy central on
demand and their website
we got it yay one take thanks michaelkosta ladies and gentlemen see ya