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Tim Dillon is a stand-up comic, actor, and host of "The Tim Dillon Show" podcast. His latest comedy special, "Tim Dillon: This is Your Country," is available on Netflix. www.timdilloncomedy.com
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2 years ago
What we have to realize is that we're Americans. You know, we're deeply selfish monsters that have been bred to destroy all life on earth. We can't, we have to not lose sight of that message. We're here to fuck things up for everyone else, not each other. And that's what we had in the 80s and the 90s. We had a commitment to apathy while our leaders ran around pillaging the earth. And we made great movies and great art and it was fine. Yes, people got killed, but people always get killed. But now we're at war with each other. We should just be enjoying the spoils of the end of the empire. Truly. We should be enjoying it. So many people got killed, murdered, tortured, maimed for us to have all the nice things we have. Do you know how insane it is to not enjoy it? Do you know how crazy it is to not enjoy a McMansion, a flat screen TV, a McFlurry? You know how big you would get blood in the street for those things? And people act like they don't even matter. And they're fighting about all this bullshit? It's crazy. Anyway, that's the truth. That's the real truth. Nobody wants to hear it. But that is the truth. A lot of these things are nice, but some of them are ill-gotten gains. Fine. You know? Not everybody picking tomatoes is happy about it. But if you ever had a nice Jersey thick beefsteak tomato, it's good. Imagine having one and then fighting with someone about something. It's stupid. If there's a hell world going, and if there's not, we get reincarnated when we're Beatles or something. But just enjoy it. And nobody wants to enjoy it. And that's what makes me upset, is that we used to have a country built on enjoyment, built on fat, stupid people enjoying the work of a small group of demons, and now we can't even enjoy it. Can't even have fun. That would be the only way to get us out of this. That's right. If we ever realized that the problems that we have with issues are far smaller than the problems where we, or the issues that we agree on. Like everybody agrees we have to have less crime. Everybody agrees that we have to have more education. Everybody agrees that we have to have safer streets and safer cities. Everybody agrees that. That's right. And the things that we disagree on, will people disagree on how to make those things a reality though? How do you have less crime? Is it by letting people out of jail? Well, it's also us being divided helps. It helps people who want to just continually operate in the system as it's constructed. And whether that is the system of perpetual war, or the system of the banking sector, the dominance of the financial sector, or the system is tech companies set up to have these political relationships, how they're presently constituted. People who are thriving in this system and using it to their ends do not want to change. And people hating each other helps them. It definitely does. Do you think that that's just human nature? Yes. And you're just doing it while this is happening? Or do you think it's orchestrated? This is the question, right? Is the dissent and is some of it, we know it's manipulated by other countries. Yes. We know that China does it. We know that they have these huge Russian organizations that they're troll farms. We know that that's going on. The idea that we wouldn't do that to ourselves if we were trying to get people riled up about it. To an extent, it's probably an inherent flaw in democracy, but I'm glad I lived in one and I'm glad I lived in the time I did. But I do think a democracy descends probably into an oligarchy eventually. The vast majority of the citizens go, I don't want the responsibility of citizenship. So a few really highly motivated psychopaths go, we'll handle it. We'll take it from here. And then those people are fighting over their own interests constantly. Do you think it should be illegal to pretend to represent a human being when you're a corporation that is promoting your own needs? So do you think that a corporation that hires, whether it's a foreign corporation, let's say it's a foreign one, so it's not connected to us, that hires a company to propagandize about a specific political issue that's going to be a hot button target and they do it as a bunch of people that attack people and go after people with dissenting opinions and quote tweet them and attack them and you find out it's not even a real person. That should be illegal. That seems to me like if we're allowing that in this country. Oh yeah. But we'll continue to allow anyone with enough money. But don't you think that that thing right there, just that, that's insidious. Like pretending you're a person for a specific propaganda game and having it like a thousand accounts and you're running it through computers and you've got people responding to things, you got people that are just retweeting things and posting things and it's all just propaganda. It's insane that the Congress, the Congress members who went and started trading stocks based on the knowledge of how bad coronavirus was still have jobs. All of this is kind of insane. We're just at peak insanity here and there's, I mean- Are we at the peak? I don't know if we're at the peak, but we're close to it. I do believe with the way things are going and you're looking at some really crazy trends and I don't know when they come to a conclusion and if they do without something, a war or some violent or whatever, but it is just, we're living in a time now where we all know everything's fucked, but we're mostly powerless to change it. And that's when societies start to decay past a point and everybody just kind of sits back and watches it like a show and it just descends into eventually something that becomes more and more unmanageable and then either a strong man, dictator type comes in or there's some massive war that resets things or there's some natural disaster, but it feels like we're kind of at that point. That's why I'm glad we lived in the era that we lived and we really should just be happy. We should be really happy. We should go, it's nice that we got the run we did because it's not getting better. I mean, here's what's interesting. Or maybe it will and God bless. When I was a kid, I remember reading about the fall of the Roman Empire and the fall of the Greek Empire and then I was thinking about America and I was like, is this thing going to go away someday? Is that possible? Is it possible that this is just one? We want to think it's fucking permanent, but I bet the people of Rome felt the same way. Of course they did. This is how it is. This is how I live every day. This is not going to change. Russians know. They know. They know. They know what they've been through it. Our society will go down. Nothing will ever be funnier. America will come apart in one of the funniest ways. All of these people, these grifters, everybody circling the wagons, the Caitlyn Jenner's, the Donald Trump's. It'll be funny. You'll die laughing. Literally you'll die. You'll die, but you will be laughing. It will be the most absurd and insane thing. It will be out of a fucking dystopian horror movie and it won't be funnier than America because we're a crazy country full of crazy people and everybody's just trying to suck the last few dollars out of this bloated pig corpus, corpse of an empire before the end. I'm no different. Watch my special and subscribe to my pot. What am I going to fucking sit here? What am I going to go preach on a fucking mountain? We got to make a little money here. Make no mistake. If I'm wrong and I love to be wrong, but if your attitude or your idea is that the population is going to get smarter, healthier, and more adept at problem solving, you're on fucking crack. Yeah, yeah, probably. You're probably right. Yeah. Well, what happens next? Do you think we ever descend into some sort of CCP controlled world, like that kind of totalitarian government? Do you think it's possible that through technology and just through people just falling apart, losing their fucking minds, thinking it's the right thing to do? I think what happens next is we'll just have these giant oscillating swings between right and left. Then I think eventually it'll get to a point where large areas in the country are unlivable for a myriad of reasons, perhaps crime or homelessness, climate, whatever. Very well-off or well-connected people will have these kind of enclaves that are ... This is already happening. Then there'll be a fight to be in one of those two groups. Then eventually a dictator, a strong mess, somewhere down the line, some man or woman will come in and go, this system's fucked. I am going to run things and they will run things in a way and it probably won't be for the best, but the system will collapse. I don't know if we'll see it, but it will collapse. There's no way it doesn't. It will collapse to a degree. Someone will come in and go, yeah, these elections are all fake and it doesn't matter anyway. Why do you fuckers need to vote? Here's a coupon for a chicken sandwich and people go, I like chicken. Then people just go fuck it. They don't care. Then you go, there'll be Netflix and there'll be Domino's and you'll sit in your house and they'll say, well, you can't drive today because of the climate. People will go, yeah, it's Tuesday. Can't get my car because of climate. You'll sit there and they'll feed you poison and you'll watch TV. A few people will riot, but very few because most people will be pacified by the goodies, which they'll still probably have. The leader will come on and tell, will they be like, hello everyone? It'll be a celebrity. It'll be someone you know. It'll be someone you're very familiar with. They'll say a couple of things and be like, it's not that bad. They'll feed you the propaganda and you won't remember when you were free and you won't remember. Most people will be fine with that, but me and you will be dead and it won't matter. We'll have experienced the best of it. We'll remember when you could get in a car without a tracking device. We'll remember when you didn't have a fucking tracking device attached to you at all times. We'll remember when you could say what the fuck you want, alienate people, piss them off and no one really cared. It didn't matter because you could wake up the next day and say, sorry, I was drunk and it wasn't on fucking Twitter. People didn't have a record of what you did and what you said and where you were and who you fucked and everything else. We will remember true freedom. We're one of the last groups of people to actually be free. We should all thank God for that because the hellscape that's about to be created is going to be so bad they won't even know how bad it is. It won't even feel like they're in prison because those offices we talked about, people, they get to like them. Oh, there's creamer today. French vanilla is your favorite. It's coming. It's coming and it's going to be so bad it won't even feel bad, but we'll be like, shit, remember when you could do all those things you can't do anymore. There'll be a few people that remember it and then they'll take all those books about that shit and burn the fuck out of them. They'll go, well, those aren't good. They say some homophobia is that burn, burn, burn and people will forget when you could were free and they will just kind of create a society based on goodies, little goodies, little rewards and the addiction to celebrity where our leaders will all be celebrities who will tell you on closed circuit television how good things are going and you'll go, good, thanks. That's what's going to happen. That was one of the best rants I've ever heard in my life. Yeah, well. That's fantastic. I hope you're wrong. I hope I'm wrong or if I'm right, I just hope that I'm dead or I get to be one of the people who's keeping everyone else in the cage.