The Johnny Depp-Amber Heard Trial

I'm watching this trial like it's a cautionary tale. It's a cautionary tale about believing in bullshit, like forming a narrative in your head like we're rebels together. We're gonna, you know, that's what I felt like about Anthony Bourdain and his relationship to that crazy woman. But and then you're seeing it all play out in court. Like you've seen all the crazy come out. You know, do you know the fact that he talked about her shitting in his bed? Yeah. Yeah, it's great. So hot. Do you think? No. No, no, right. It's a real, real problem. Hard to forget. It's a real problem. That's hard to forget. But she said that she used this specific makeup to cover all of her bruises that Johnny gave her, which is not true. Specific makeup. And that's, well, the problem is it was a specific makeup and it turns out that the company didn't even make that makeup at the time that she was claiming she was using it. Oh, wow. That's crazy. Really? Yeah. But that's what happens with people like that. Yeah. People that are just completely manipulative and full of shit like that. Doug Stanhope knows her. Because Stanhope's buddies with Johnny Depp and he wrote something about, you know, like I forget what he wrote. I think he wrote like a little essay about how full of shit she is. And she threatened to sue him. And I think he had to wind up taking it down. I hope I'm not fucking that up. But he knows her. He knows her well. And he's like, she's out of her fucking mind. And I'm like, like, like a crazy actress. He's like, yeah, like those are real. Of course, there's a ton of them. There's a lot of them. That's why they're good. That is why they're good. Yeah. They're great actresses. They just are crying. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's the whole Johnny Depp thing is just he was famous when he was 20. And I don't think you get any kind of perspective like that. I think you're fucked. It's like it's like making cement, but you don't add in all the ingredients. And it's like, oh, I never cured, right? Yeah. Well, I mean, Johnny Depp, what happened? He looks it's rough. It's 55 years of coke. He looks not 75. He looks great for what he's doing. He's like 60. Right. We have it that he started at five. He started doing coke at five. How old is Johnny Depp? He's got to be 60. 58. 58. 58. He looks like it's 55 years of donuts. Coke would make you look thin. Well, he's not athletic. He's not like working out. He's not taking care of himself. And for a long time, at least he smoked cigarettes. I don't know if he still does, but all those factors, they contribute to poor health. The outfits aren't great either. Where is she shopping? Yeah, he's both of them, right? She's copying him supposedly. She mimics his outfits. Let's see. What's going on here? He has had a weird tie on. Oh, it's just white. Just white? That looks like it's for very short. I think that's a vest. Oh, yeah. Okay. It's tucked into a vest. Oh, okay. That is a vest. Yeah, it's hard. We're looking at low resolution photos. I mean, the whole thing is just. He has a bob. Here's the problem. Even if he wins, she doesn't have any money. If he gets $50 million in a settlement, the only good thing is everybody knows now. And this is a good thing. This is one of the reasons why it's good that he did this. Everyone knows now. There's something wrong with her. There's something wrong. There's some sort of mental issue. Whatever. There's a lot of mental issues. And you said she shit in his bed. See, I have a good follow. I didn't say that. They said that. The people on the news. Well, they're always right. That's what I found out the last year. OK, so they said that she shit in his bed. For what reason? To our territory. Johnny Depp testified. That might be Amber Heard ate a cheesy gordita crunching. That was before the breaking news. OK, let's see. That might be fake news. We're going to find out whether or not Amber Heard shit in the bed next on the Jorogan Experience. Well, I'm trying to. Yeah, OK. It's Newsweek. OK, clips of Johnny Depp accusing Amber Heard of defecating in bed go viral. Imagine what a slow week for news. The Newsweek is like, fuck Syria. Forget about the Ukraine. Let's let's find out about hospitals being blown up in Ukraine. But let's find out if she shit in his bed. Look at him on my side of the bed. Was human fecal matter. Let me hear how he says it. It wasn't a good human fecal matter. Jesus Christ. So I understood why it wasn't a good time to go down there. She was sitting on one side of the couch. I was sitting on the other sheet. That's when she was trying to explain. A few things about Coachella and then the fecal. Delivery and saying that it was the dog. And I could I'm sorry, I could not agree with her. I lived with those dogs. Picked up their fun. It was not the dogs. Look at his face. First of all, he's this is a big win for Johnny Depp and a big loss of Pirates of Caribbean. How about fuck you guys? You got rid of the best fucking pirate you've ever had for a crazy lady. You fucked up fecal delivery. The fecal delivery. Daddy, I just made fecal delivery. Can you change me? What's fecal delivery? That's a nice way of saying in court. She shit the bed because you can't say that I made a fecal delivery. What happens if he said she shit in my bed in court? Do they kick you out? Do they get mad at you? She made a dump in my bed. I bet you could say dump. She dumped. Excuse me. Objection. She the defendant is using slang. She fucking shit in my bed. Yeah, fucking bitch shit in my bed. Did you see him smirking? That's what made me laugh so hard. Yeah, he got through all of this. But this is like what can happen to a guy like that. If you get caught up in that romantic idea that this is my woman and he didn't even sign a prenup, he was worth like three hundred million dollars. Oh my God. And he didn't sign a prenup. What an idiot. You know what? Then he like embers insisted we were in love. We wouldn't need a prenup. And like I didn't expect her to take fucking shit in my bed. How long were they even married for? Eleven days. I just said they're in Virginia and Fairfax, Virginia. That's where the court is. Yeah. I wonder if it's like favorable for plaintiffs there, you know, because it's a civil it's a civil case where he's suing her for 50 million dollars. It's like a defamation case. The thing is, it's like there was a video or an audio recording that came out where she was admitting to hitting him. She was like she changed this narrative and the way she was talking about it publicly, that he was abusive and that she was just this victim and she tried to protect him by not telling anybody. And then there's I think that's roughly it. And then there was this audio recording that he had secretly recorded where she's talking about hitting him. And he said, you punched me. And he said, I didn't punch you. I hit you. I didn't punch you. I hit you. That's a good voice. No, you punch me. No, I did it. I didn't punch you. Yeah, you did. No, I did it. You totally punched me. You totally punched me. No, I did it. I just I like brushed against you. And you deposited feces in my bed. I think the finger argument when she cut his finger off. This is the dumbest fucking shit I've ever. Yeah. What was they what were they arguing about? I want to say it might have something to do with the prenup. The finger. I think it was about the depositing of feces. Can you imagine if it was the other way around if the woman had three hundred million dollars and the guy was like cutting her finger off because she wouldn't sign a prenup. He put in jail for the rest. She threw a fucking bottle at him. Why did she find out please? Because I don't want to get sued. He painted with the blood on his finger after was cut during a fight with her during the testimony of violent argument. Australia 2005 heard through claimed resulted in tip of his finger being cut off. Was it but what was the what was the reason for it? Heard through two vodka bottles on at him. And when one exploded slices finger to the point where the bone was exposed. What was the argument about? I think the argument was. Well then he then just says what he wrote on the mirror. We had to do it. Billy Bob. Reminders. Billy Bob and easy amber. Oh no. Billy Bob Thornton fucked her. That guy's a stud. He fucked Angelina Jolie. He fucked her. Which is so I mean I would kill to fuck Angelina. How much would you kill? Like a puppy. Like a whole kindergarten fucking class. Of my own children. Back then too she was super young. She was smoking hot and they were doing the blood thing where they took each other's blood and put it in a vial and hung it around their neck. Yeah. Yeah. They must have been doing wild shit together. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes them couples them fiery couples them together. They get together. That's what happens. Oh yeah. Yeah they mix they mix liquids and get a little bottles at each other. Yeah. Fucking bash each other's heads into the wall and each other's beds. We're partying. We're rock stars bitch. Billy Bob Billy Bob Thornton says he didn't sleep with Amber Heard says it's not true. Oh well he says well if he's saying that it's probably not true. Her eyes her eyes look it's crazy. Look in her eyes. Yes or he wants to fuck her again. Oh yeah. And he's like I didn't but I will now maybe he wants to fuck her again. Maybe he's single and like she contacted him like this is a bullshit like fucking doing this to me. And it's like it's so dramatic. Yeah listen that sucks. Listen don't worry. I mean I'll just cover for you. If you want to deposit feces in my. Well OK. Figgle delivery. The fuck. It's like we're getting a chance to see through this Will Smith thing with Jada Pinkett through this Johnny Depp thing with Amber Heard like. These you can't. They're not just like protected by publicists anymore. It's not like they can just hide and you think of them as these impossible people who are without flaws. And then when they die you like see the autobiography and you're like oh John Crawford was fucking crazy. Right. That's so true.