3 years ago
But it had to be really odd to be working that much and be a young girl. The balance it trained me to have is something that I don't think you are going to get taught any other way besides jumping in the deep end of the pool and hoping you know how to swim. That's the only way. I, there was no way I could have prepared for the amount of balance I would have to learn to kind of teeter because you know at one point again it went from it was school then it went from you know how many how much we can actually smoke and still play a teenage superstar on the Disney Channel. And then like and then like what's the answer to that question? More than you would fucking think. I remember one time when and I don't smoke anymore and I'm sober. How long you been sober? But I've been sober since the pretty much the vocal surgery kind of did it for me. Because I just learned so much about the effects which again you're just not taught. It's not really the drinking, it's staying up all night. You know once you have your drink you end up smoking. And I kind of, I have a, I've become the face of a lot of things kind of against my will. I guess from my opinions when you're someone in my position your opinion becomes your identity. And it also becomes kind of almost like a, you kind of become this like preacher. You become this, you know they don't really let you just always have your own opinion. So I've decided to start telling people I live my own lifestyle. Alcohol was never my problem. There was other things that I end up you know I like to go up. So I now just avoid really drinking because I like to wake up at 110 percent. But it's never really been my problem and I could see myself having a drink of celebration in the future but I get so fucking hungover now that I'm like why would I celebrate with like just feeling like a volcano's erupted in my brain you know. So it's really just a personal preference but it's definitely not anything that I promote in. I think it's a lifestyle everyone should be, I think everyone should experiment. It's a good time and you learn a lot of things about yourself and the people around you. But now I'm watching, I have younger siblings and they're going through that. And I don't know how my mom did it with me because it's scary. Yeah I don't think, I think if we're gonna acknowledge the fact that all these things exist, cocaine exists, pills exist, marijuana exists, we should teach people how to do it right. Really I mean you're leaving children. It's the same thing with sex right. We leave children to their, the information that they're gonna get is from other kids. And if you're learning about sex from another 14 year old or you're learning about coke from a 14 year old, that's not good. We play this game with children where we try to pretend that they live in a movie. All right well listen to this, it's actually funny you bring this up because I had the idea this week, not that I really have time to do this in the near future but I would like to at some point in my life. I want to do my own children's book series of realistic children's stories. Because I don't like the idea that we teach them that this is sunshine world and everyone walks out of rainbow and everyone's equal and you need to say like that's not what are you gonna do about it, that's not true, what are you gonna do about it. And I think there's a way to not terrify children of life even though I go in and out of periods where I think life is really overwhelmingly terrifying and that's coming from my position. And my position, I tell myself all the time if you're not enjoying this life, honey you've got it coming in the next one because I better fucking love this life, it's the best one. I couldn't imagine being in a different body and having different experience. It's an awesome life if you do it the right way. It's an awesome life and I also, I didn't hurt myself beyond repair in my experiences. I survived and I don't even mean heart still beating survival. I mean I have a lot of people that love me around. I didn't kick all the people that had my best interest at heart out. That's where you die is you kick everyone that says hey are you okay? Out, no of course I'm okay. You don't trust me, get the fuck out. And so now that I have people that I've had in my life, I feel that I have people in my life that I've known for 15, 20 years and not many people in my position get to say that. My parents are awesome. My dad's loopy as hell but I love him so much.