John Witherspoon Tells Old Comedy Stories | Joe Rogan

I was broken, I was coming up man. Where'd you start? Where'd you start doing stand up? Back in Detroit. In Detroit? Yeah. I was, um, my brother used to go to acting class on Thursday. He and his wife. Boy, that's pretty cool. I should try to be an actor. So I got into Yellow Pages. They had a Yellow Page. They don't have them now. Everybody got to go through their phone and get the number. But they had the Yellow Pages. I went to Yellow Pages and went to an acting class, and they had private acting lessons. And I called a guy. He said, $25 an hour. Come on over. We can get started. So this teacher at John Binkleman's acting classes put in a comedy show once a year. And he said, I want you to be on the show. I said, I don't want nothing about no comedy. He said, well, you, this is very lucrative business. You can make a lot of money. I said, really? I went in there and stole the show. Wow. I said, wait a minute. That's funny. I went in there and stole the show. I used to do impressions of Nike and Cole, Johnny Mathes, and, uh, what's his boy, Joe Cocker and all that stuff. Oh. Oh, Mick Jagger. I used to do Mick Jagger. You don't go. You don't go. And they had about 500 people out there for the show. I'm bouncing across the stage like Joe Cocker, boy. That was so funny. And I got to stand ovation. And I said, wait, I could probably make some money doing this. So it really was money. Money was your number one motivation. When you broke money, you know, talking about love and affection. That's some bull. He didn't have that luxury. No luxury. Get out of my way so I can count this money. Where did you start out in L.A.? What clubs did you start out here? Oh, I drove from Detroit to L.A. I moved to New York. I moved to New York, um, 6-71, 1971. I was about 30 years old, 29, 30. And I went to New York to be a fashion model. I was a fashion model in Detroit. Really? Fashion, commercials. I worked at Cadillac Motorcar. And my job was plating bumpers, these big fucking bumpers. And so the bumpers, I would need the money. I'm picking this up because, you know, you use, now you're using the adrenaline. I mean, you're losing endorphins and everything else you got in your body. The kick in and put this big bump on this fucking line to keep going and get into the plating pit. So I have now the bumper going on. And I had about three minutes. I look at this magazine. I saw a guy standing next to a car. I said, I look better than that dude. Damn. I went to the yellow pages again and got me a call, the acting lady, called the modeling schools. They said, oh sure, come on in. They gave me a job that weekend. I thought I was hot. I went to New York. Them dudes looked ten times better than me. They told me, that's you a model? They said, you a model? I'm the midget model. So I couldn't do that. So I got the hell out of it. I went back to New York. I stayed in New York three years back to LA. I went back to Detroit, got a car and drove to LA by myself. And when you went to LA, you went to do stand up? Yeah, I went to do acting and I cut that modeling out. That shit didn't work. Where did you start out doing stand up here? At the Comedy Store. The store? Yeah, I was the first one out there with Mitzi. I was there when Mitzi first started. Sammy had the place. Sammy and Mitzi breaking up. Mitzi, Sammy used to, Sammy went on the road. Sammy was, he was a big time comic. He working for Slingitod He'd have had no money then either. He had a wife, he had a red truck and a dog named Bob. That's the only thing he came to LA with. And I just had this blue, I had this blue Mustang I bought for about 150 to drive to LA. $150 car drove to LA all the way to LA. Wow. You know, I was determined to get out there and get me some of that money. That car, that car leaked oil and transmission fluid. I had to get out every 200 miles to fill the car back up with oil and transmission fluid. Every 200 miles? Every 200 miles. I'd be at that nightmare, you hear, oh, oh, you hear that shit? You hear what? And there's only lights you see, headlights on the car. I got my sticker, I had a stick with me. Had a little funnel, put that oil in that car. Looking around, you know, I'll be doing it. Uh-huh. I got to California. No, I actually went to Las Vegas first. You got stuck. I got stuck in Las Vegas. Yeah, he told me about that. What happened? I blew his money. I had a guy tell me. Try to keep this thing in front of you. Can you grab that? Oh, here. Yeah, man. Please stand and sit in front of a mic. I had a guy tell me, my friend, he rich boy, he said, look, just go to Las Vegas first. See what the comics are doing. Then you go to LA, then you know what they're doing in Las Vegas. That's the comics they work in in Las Vegas all the time. I went to them old ass joke, Jewish joke they playing, they tell it, but Gabe Kaplan, that's so funny. Big head, he ain't funny. He's a good actor. But he was, I waste all my time. But he told me stay there half an hour. I mean half of 30 days to stay there. So I paid up my rent for 30 days. And I went that night, got my new, my navy suit on and sharp as I can be boy. Got modeling clothes, you know, I'm standing around, you know, have big old afro. Man, I lost every dime I had at that fucking horseshoe casino. I was, I went back home crying. So, I don't know what the hell I'm going to do. Here I then drove two and a half days across the country. And so I call people in Detroit, try to get some money, but you know, when you call, you're a long ways away, everybody got no money. People don't answer the phone. They say, oh no, I ain't got no money. Click. So I got some more borrowed money from some of my friends and had to stay there for six months. Yeah. Until I got nobody to go to LA. Well, you said that, didn't you tell me that you hit, you did one of the slotted machines and it hit with like three grand or something? I had $150 left. I saw down a rose. See what I would do, I would go at night and during the weekend, during the week, I mean, you can go to the front of the casinos and the guy in the front there, he said, I'm a comic. I just want to sit in the back here and watch the comic and I'm gone. They let you do that. You sit there, anybody, nobody's sitting there. Got 2000 seats in those places or something like that. So I had a dollar and a half left. I saw down a rose, she had a great show. So I'm going to, I'm going to play this fucking money. I just be broke. My check is coming from the unemployment. It'll be here in another day or two. I can go without food for a day. My stomach said, you better put some down here, nigga. So I put that money in the machine. It rung up, I think it was 7,000. Really? Yeah. I thought I fucked up something. Oh shit, now what have I done? The guy came, he said, I just got on job. Just hold on, sir. I just got here. You have struck the jackpot today. I said, what jackpot? He came and just put them $100 in my hand. It was like a miracle. It was like, like Moses came down and handed me some money or something. It was so damn, that money felt so good. I went home and packed my stuff. I had about two more days on my rent. I got in that car. I got me some gas. I drove, you know how they have in Vegas, they got the island in the middle of the street. Drove over that damn thing going back, going the other opposite direction. I said, hell with this. And when you go over island, cost a boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Cones come out, dust come out, old cones, old stuff come out all over me. All over your seat, on your hands, your feet be dirty, dust be all over me. I drove all the way from 3 o'clock in the morning, 4 o'clock in the morning, whatever time it was, I drove all the way back to LA. Oh man, and my friend let me stay at her house for about a month. Candy, she was a good friend of mine. I'm glad she let me do that because that was amazing. She lived in Beverly Hills from apartment, motel, I mean. No money eating a potato, I know it's time for me to get some money. I'm eating a baked potato, a white potato now, with a white potato and some old bread and some syrup. And I said, I got to get the fuck out of here. This ain't going to happen. This is not good for the kid. I come out here with big plans. I went straight to her house and I got a job at Gucci, and I went to the comic store and everything. I just stayed there. If you didn't go to Vegas, would you have even gotten stuck? No, I wouldn't have gotten stuck. So that's a six month waiting game that you had to play because you lost your money on accident. The worst, I was counting airplanes coming in and taking off because you can see them from my door. You see the planes come in to look, Karen, I think the name of the hotel would be the plane terminal. They come in, you see them take off. That's all I did all day long, the plane coming in. That's wild. Plane taking off. Plane coming in, plane taking off. And you get stuck there. Stuck in Las Vegas. I deserve my money. So people tell me, you love money? Yes, I deserve every dime. Because I went through the shits. Oh my God. And that car lasted another four or five years. Really? 65 Mustang. That's a great car. It is a great car. Regular gas. I got to be some new tires. I told you, I got to be some new tires. A case of oil and a case of dry fish. And I forgot, I got my old color TV and a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. Back then when you were trying to get up in the store, how did the auditions go? What did they do? No, you had to go through the potluck. You had to go through that. Oh yeah, open mic. But it wasn't that many comments. They had to close at about 11 o'clock because there's no comics that go on anymore. How many comics were there? Oh, it must have been about 10, 15. Really? And what year is this? What year is this? 74. So it was at the beginning. Soon as Missy just started. I was there in the beginning. She liked me. She would get me. She'd come out here and work the door. You could do anything you want. I said, I need a job, Missy. So I hustled the door. Missy, she said, y'all better watch Johnny. He can make some money at that damn door. What I would do, what do you call it? Mature D or something? What do you call it? Mature D. So I would put reserve signs in the front seats up there. Reserve for the owner's grandmother. Reserve for the mother's, Missy's father. And so now the main room, I mean the main room and the other room would be crowded. Pack. I said, we sold out, sir. He said, what are the tables up there for? I said, that's the owner's grandmother to be here soon. He said, well, $500, put me in that seat right now. So I would make $200, $300 a night, sometimes $500,000 just at the door. Then she had me go MC and all that stuff. Well, you said $500,000? You meant $500,000? $500,000. Oh, no, it wasn't that kind of money. Okay. That picture's her. That's Missy. I know I recognize that picture. Yeah. That's when she was younger, though. Yeah, there's a photo that was from the Comedy Store that was sitting around the back room and Taylor Boss. He painted it? Yeah, that's when I knew her when she was like that. She was right there. Yeah, that's the picture he used. She was a smart lady. Sure was. Let me tell you something, brother. She was a whip. She was definitely eccentric, but she's one of the most important people ever in comedy. In comedy, and people don't realize that. A lot of people don't realize it. Missy was the shits. She and Aunt Little Polly was crazy running around that little baby. I know I'm all. I know I know a party that says it's a baby. I know I'm all. Missy, Missy, I ain't got to come back. We don't have nobody to work the door. I can get up and go over there. So I'm at the door. I got eight o'clock, so you know eight o'clock, so I'm seeing and working the door and everything and hosting the room and all that. So I'm up there on stage. You've got a little rope you put across the door and close the curtain. And people come up in the original room, they come up the steps there. You know the original room? Mm-hmm, sure. So she's in the booth taking money, taking money and selling tickets. She and I are the only one there working and the bar in the back. So, Missy, I'm going to stay. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Now I've got ten people in the room, so she's just going to go ahead and get me the cover and you go ahead and put the rope back. So now I'm up there about, I've got 15 minutes. She said about three minutes, four minutes into my act. Johnny! There are people that are lying. Come down here and let them in. You cannot do no more material. Come on, Johnny. I said, Missy, I'm trying to finish my act. Johnny, come on, I want to get this money. That's what I learned from her, too. I want to get this money before they turn around and go home. Oh, God. That was the funnest. She's the funnest lady. She's the funnest lady. Let me tell you, she was hot. She was tough. Missy was tough. She told me, stick with me, I'll make you a rich man. I said, Missy, I come here to be a comic. I can come here to be no rich man. I come here to be a comic. But she is too much trouble. Too much eccentric. Too eccentric. I didn't want to hang around too long. Argus is still there out of his mind. Argus is still there. He was there last night. I know it. I go there and see him. I see him all the time. When I go by there, I want to go once a year or so. But I see Argus. I like Argus. He's talented. He is. Genius, but he didn't want to lead a comic store. He's got a radio station downstairs, he told me. They have a podcast. Oh, it's a podcast. Yeah, they have a podcast studio. You better not skip the studio. But Missy, I've been knowing Missy and Missy. I knew her in 1974 when I went over there. And I noticed when I got on Open Night Night for people who wanted to try to become on the regular show, Missy used to love impressionists. She loved people who could do voices. And I just realized that after about three weeks of being there trying to be funny. I'm doing old Red Fox jokes. I'm doing a fucking... The horse race was going and the jockey was riding on my dick. The horse name was my dick. Missed a fucking Red Fox. He would come by and he would be so fucking funny. But then the person come by and sing, she loved people to sing. Tina Turner, women that sang Tina Turner. She put two or three of them right behind each other. They sing the same song. That's a Missy going crazy. She loved impressionists. And she loved the women. The women, all of them got the same impressions. But she put two or three of them on the same show. Same impressions. I went up there and I started doing impressions. Because I did them in Detroit on the show there with Nat King Cole and them. She said, oh Johnny, this is so wonderful. I want you to work Friday night. She put me on the early. She put me on some nice times. But she wanted me to stay with her on that door and emceeing. Help her out. She had me close the door, close the place one day. Miss, I shouldn't be responsible for this. I close the door, lock the fucking door. Well, she's always had comics work there. Yeah, all the time. All the time. But I wanted to work there. Most of them comics live in their house up there. And Crust Hill? Yeah, they lived on the hill there. She bought all the property around there. Mm-hmm, yeah. Missy owned so much hill, so much money when she died. Oh my God, the house up on this house. You know the house she had up on the hill there? Crust Hill, yeah. That's what the name of the house will speak. Yeah, that was the one where a lot of comics lived in it. Beautiful. No, no, no, no. The comics lived behind the communist door up the hill. She got about three or four of those. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She owned about three or four. I went over there. She would have a party over there. The fucking party was fabulous. Oh, I'm looking here. Oh, I'm looking at California. And these dudes got the house all dirty. You know, they'd see why they didn't try to make the bed. And the cover's thrown on top of the bed, you know, just throwing nothing. Tucked in or nothing. Missy owned all that back up in there. Yeah. I almost bought that Crust Hill house. Yeah. Yeah, it was for sale back in the day. I went to look at it. But I had a dog. I was pretty sure he was going to get out of that backyard. I had a crazy dog. I was like, this is not a good yard. It's the one right behind the store, right? I think Paul, we have it. I think Paul's got the one that's up into the right. Okay. He's got one that he owns it. I think. Yeah. I saw him. I saw him the other night at the, at the store in the parking lot. And he was, he was telling me like how you used to watch him. Oh my God. I knew this. I didn't watch his ass. I watched him run to the wall and stuff. He had a babysit in the bed. Kinison used to babysit him too. That's crazy. Imagine leaving your fucking child with Kinison. Yeah. Oh yeah. Kinison was. I, I told David Letterman, I said, he says, well, anybody knew at the commie store. That's real funny. I said, man, you guys see this crazy dude named Sam Kinison. And so he said, have them, have them send me the tape or something, but give us a call on the show. I said, Dave, you're going to love him. Man, Sam went on that show where Dave just fell on the floor. Sam was so funny. And Sam, Sam, I said, Sam, David Letterman want to see you on the show. He said, oh, really? He's the first time he ever got on TV. Wow. And he was so, he always been my friend. Sam. Sam Kinison always was my friend. So I used to work. Missy, after a while, she would get these young cast, like David Letterman, to be the emcee of the first show. So I would work at the 12 o'clock show, all the crazy people on the show. Me, Paul Mooney, Sam Kinison, all the, what's the boy name? And he talked like this. He do Elvis and he did. Andy Kaufman? Andy Kaufman. I remember introducing him. I introduced all of them. He's my name in Andy Coughman. Yeah, I know. Just say, they come to me and tell me what they want me to, how they want me to introduce them. Right. Just say, I can't come and tell Andy Coughman. I'm looking to do like he's got his fucking mind. Andy Coughman. Lenny Schultz. Sure. Crazy Lenny. Crazy Lenny with the pigs. He used to bring dolls on stage and punch them. Oh, wow. Yeah. He had a basis to do about like, remember the only, the bear, Smokey the Bear, only you could prevent for it. He would pull out the bear. Only you could prevent for it. Fuck you. He punched the bear. It was so ridiculous. People would come down just to see Lenny. He would go nuts. He was like, really crazy expressions. He was just an unbelievably funny guy, like a naturally funny guy. He was an East Coast legend.