Joey Diaz's Balls Are GORGEOUS! - Whitney Cummings | Joe Rogan

How many times has a friend sent you a text message and you think they're serious and they're just joking? Oh yeah, most of the arguments in my life. So many times I'll send someone, because I say fucked up things and text messages. Half my text messages to my friends are heinous. Me and Callen and Showab and fucking Joey Diaz, all psychotic. Joey Diaz every week sends me pictures of his shit. He sends me. The other day he showed me his balls for like 20 minutes. His balls are unbelievable. They're ridiculous. They're gorgeous. They look like Kim Kardashian's but. They're very rare. But what is it? Is that just, are they fake? You know how pickles. This is Joey Diaz. Look at that gigantic log of shit. That looks like a fucking snake. No, no, no. I've seen those in real life. He would leave them in the toilet for me. This isn't healthy. I would go into the room. This is not fucking healthy. Who associated Joey Diaz with healthy kids? First of all, notice that it's not even in the water. It's on the beach next to the water. Give me the fucking willies. Because he's kind of big and he doesn't really fit on the toilet correctly. I don't understand why this doesn't break off. Why doesn't his sphincter cut it? Because he holds it in for a while. I think his sphincter, the calamari is his sphincter is loose. I think when he lets it loose, it's just like a log jam that just got released. They opened up a dam on the river and it was whoa. That fucking nightmare. It's just a giant piece of shit. So he'll send me pictures of his shit. I just held her hand by accident. Yeah. I needed some emotional comfort. Sister, what are we doing, sister? Thank God he's alive. Because he's one of those guys that just like whatever outrage. One of the things that I used to love about going on the road with him, which is it's tragically he's too successful. Joey Diaz is famous now so I can't really take him on the road with me as much anymore because he's always booked. But the beautiful thing was, but he will be working with me tonight at the Comedy Store. The beautiful thing was when I take him on the road, he would open everybody up so hard that all the taboos are out the window by the time I go on stage. Oh, that's such a fucking great smart choice to put in before you. People are like, he's so funny, why would you want to follow him? I'm like, well, I think that's in your head because I think if you're funny, you're funny. He's definitely funnier than me. He's funnier than everybody that's ever lived. But he's also- The building shakes when Joey's on stage. He's a monster. But he also lays the foundation that everything's on the table.