Joe Rogan - What to do If You're Attacked by a Grizzly Bear

But even if you train, you put it on your back. Good luck. Let's say if you put a llama in a backpack, say you got like a fucking kafaru backpack. Yeah, good luck. Stuff the llama in there. You had the whole llama, you zipped it in, had it, okay, go over that fence. You'd be like, what? My buddy who's a guide in Alaska, my buddy Chad, he said that they were climbing up this mountain. It was a fucking nightmare. Like just slogging up this steep mountain, and they were looking up, and they're like, God damn, it's just a nightmare. You know, you're making like inches. Yeah. Just like, oh, and you got a backpack, and it's just like, when is this going to be over, and don't try not to think about it digging. Let's take a break. You know? Yeah. And they just hear this, and they just see this grizzly with an elk in its mouth, and it just bounds up the mountain. It just goes shagging, shagging right by them with an elk in its mouth. And just goes up over the mountain and over the ridge. Just no problem in 12 seconds. And they were like, well, that's a grizzly. That's how strong a fucking grizzly is, and this is me. Jesus Christ. I don't want to get ... I'm so terrified of ... I'm terrified. I don't want to get fucked up by a chimpanzee. A chimpanzee will eat my face and my balls, so I don't want that. And I definitely don't want to get attacked by a grizzly, because they'll start eating you when you're still alive. Yeah. And that's a problem. Most of the time grizzlies eat people, though, or most of the time grizzlies kill people, they're not killing someone because they want to eat them. They're killing someone because you startled them, and they're with their females, the females with their cubs. Oh. So what happens when ... What are you supposed to do when a grizzly? Just pray? Well, if it's a female grizzly, you are literally better off letting her fuck you up. Right. Just curl up in a ball. You're supposed to put your hand behind your neck, lay in a fetal position, and don't let her get access to your organs. Because she wants to chew your organs apart. Jesus. Yeah, it's one of the reasons why it's really important to have a strong backpack. You have a strong backpack, she'll fuck up that backpack while you're on your knees, curled up in a fetal position. But that's assuming you can survive that. She's probably going to break your arms, she's probably going to snap your legs, bite into you in ways that you can't imagine the kind of force and power she can generate. Yeah, I mean ... She's trying to mobilize you. She wants to mobilize you as a threat to her children. But a male, if a male's trying to kill you, it's usually because he's starving to death. They don't recognize people as a food source. Yeah. Because they rarely eat people. Right. So that male, he probably has never eaten a person. It's one of the reasons why it's safer to be in a place where they hunt grizzlies. Because in a place where they hunt grizzlies, a grizzly sees a person and he goes, fuck this, they'll smell you and get the fuck out of there. Right. But like Yellowstone, they haven't hunt grizzlies there in forever. So people still get jacked there. They get jacked there every couple of years. I would always have a gun with me. You should, but you might not be able to get to it. And you also have to be able to prepare to pull it out and shoot quickly. You can't think that just because you have a gun, you're going to be okay. No, because you don't hear them coming up on you. They come up so fast. They move so fast. They run fast as a dog. And they're huge. Is that true? Yes. They run fast as fuck, man. Fuck. And they're huge. I mean, it's a giant animal, man. What is it, 800 pounds? Sure. Think about that. Sure. I just stumbled across a story about this just happening where the bear spray didn't work and it was attacking the guide and the client went to grab the Glock out of the pack. It didn't fire. And then the bear came after him. So he tried to throw the gun to the other guy. And then it didn't. That guy just ran into, I guess, follow this story. And who died? It doesn't. I don't, I didn't find out. I mean, it happens all the time. The best story is Renella's story. Renella and Remy Warren and Janus Poutelis and our friends, they got attacked while they were on a fog neck island in Alaska. Jesus. Yeah. A fog neck island. Recently? Yes. Like two years ago. And Remy came on here and told the story. And it's fucking terrible. God, what happened? Well, they killed an elk and they had hung it in a tree and they had taken some of the meat back because, you know, you have to hike out. A fog neck is particularly dense. It's very, very dense. Remember when we were on Prince of Wales Island when we went on that hunt? Dense. Dense. Yeah. Well, it's like that, but even worse. And grizzlies everywhere. Yes. Grizzlies everywhere. I have a huge problem with that. When we were on that island, that island had black bears, which weirdly enough, they're not as dangerous, but they are more predatory to its people. I want a giant spiked helmet and spiked collar and I want my guns in my hand. Kevlar clothes. And I want Kevlar clothes. I want an Iron Man suit. That's right. I want to be able to shoot rockets out of my hands. Right. And I want to be able to electrify it when the thing bites me. Yes. Kill it. And then immediately cut its head off and put it on a stake so all the other grizzly bears know not to fuck with me. That's exactly right. Right. I like how you think. There you go. We're on it. I think it's like a man.