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Neal Brennan is a stand-up comic, actor, writer, director, and host of the podcast "Blocks." Catch his new special, "Neal Brennan: Crazy Good," on Netflix.www.nealbrennan.com
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Yeah, no, it's complicated and it's getting, well that's the thing of like, it feels like the level of danger and difficulty in the world is just getting steeper by the day. We're like, wait, what? And then there's always global warming and you're like, oh, fuck, fuck. Did you see a fucking, the science guy, Bill Nye, going crazy, screaming and he was on an elevator or? Yeah, the planet's on fucking fire and he's getting a little silly. Yeah, I know. We're all right. Go to Antarctica. The planet's on fire, bro. No, I saw a thing that Antarctica was like 84 degrees. Oh my God, it's on fire. I mean, yeah. Do you really see something in Antarctica? It was 84 degrees? Yeah, something in the Arctic Circle is 84 degrees, like three days ago. Fuck is that? It's gonna be, do you ever think about like, global warming? But really what it will look like, like in 70 years, what it will do to the art, like, and I'm not talking about just Miami's gone or any, that's like incredibly like crazy to think about. It's like unfathomable. Not just that, those Miami people, they're gonna move other places and ruin them. That's probably the biggest, that's my biggest worry. Everywhere he goes, it's gonna be Lamborghinis, the dude's yelling at girls in Spanish. Eating outside. Everyone's fucking eating outside, but like, would you fucking get indoors? It's a party though. A lot of salsa. I love going there. Salsa in like North Carolina, like, get the fuck out of here. Salsa dancing, let's fuck out of here with the fucking, that ain't bad, that ain't bad. That's a good bit. They're like another country that's attached to Florida. Yeah, it's like Europe. It's I always say, it's like people, do you see like Italian people like in Beverly Hills or Miami? And I would say to my friend, those are people that were too douchey for Italy. And they're like, oh, we gotta take it to the next douchey level. Miami. And then they'd go, da da da da, deep, deep. Yeah, that, but you think about like, okay, yeah, like not like 28 days later, but like, you know, huge like scary, fucking scary, especially because we're gonna be near dead and no disrespect. You're not gonna be in the same shape you're in now. And you're not, I mean, people may give you respect, but like, it's gonna be fucking scary. We're gonna have to move to the mountains. Where would you move? The shit hit the fan. Somebody, Sam, who's, what's Callen's friend, Sam, Fighters Mine? Sam Cedar? No, Sam, the Fighters Mine, he wrote. Damn it, how can I not remember his name? Yeah. Hold on a second. I'll tell you real quick. This is gonna be worth it, guys. Listeners, this is Sam Sheridan. Sam Sheridan, that's right. Sam Sheridan. Thank you. Told me 10 years ago, it stuck with me. Go to the marina, because I live in Venice. He's like, go to the marina and basically just get, basically you got to pay to get on a boat or just be like, I will be, the hard part is how do I qualify to like, I can help you. Because I get seasick. Here's what I have going for me. Seasick boat. Because you just get away. You get away from. From LA. Anyone, you get away from, in LA's case, millions and millions of people and you can, if there's an attacker, you can see them, you assume that they're not gonna be like, you know, SEAL teams coming onto your boat. Oh Jesus, attackers. Well, I know, but that's what I mean. Like how crazy. Could it get? Yeah. You got to go to Alaska. That's cool. How do you get there? Oh, can you drive? Airports closed. Airports, I mean, or like. It's connected, right? You could drive. You could technically drive, yeah. Technically. They cut off that road all the time in like the Napa Valley because the landslide will shut off the road. Like if that happens, good luck. Where you're gonna go? And you're fucked. Yeah. Good luck. It's like, Burr's got the helicopter, but he's, he's got to go to get it. Yeah. That's his escape. He had a great bit about that. It's black and white special. Yeah. I would move north. I'd probably move somewhere that was, if I could just go to a place, if I knew I just had to get to a place, I would go to a place that is sustainable. Like whether it's Alaska or Minnesota or Michigan, somewhere there's a lot of animals and there's wildlife and you have, you have cold, you have water, you have a lot, like cold is better than heat because cold, you can make a fire. Like if you have shelter and you can make a fire in the cold, you can live. I have a counter argument, which is I don't, I, the cold kills more people than heat. Sure it does. Like every year. It does. But that's just because you know, people are unprepared for it. You can prepare for cold with clothing. You can't really prepare for heat with clothing. With heat, you need air conditioning and you need water. Those are two things that are critical. Or at least shade. Yeah. You need something. If you live in, like there's people that have lived in very cold climates, as long as they have a good house and they have a good supply of wood, they're fine. If you live in the desert, man, you're kind of fucked. You're kind of fucked if the power goes out. You don't really have anything to keep you cool. You have to stay in the shade and stay indoors, but it's not good enough. It's 110 degrees inside and it's 120. If you're hydrated though, I don't think you will just die from heat exposure. No, you won't, but you're not going to find a lot of water. One of the problems with global warming is going to be that things like lakes, lakes and streams are going to, there's going to be less. There's going to be less water. It's going to be less dribbling down to the creeks. Creeks are going to dry up. Streams will dry up. You're going to have a hard time getting water if you're in a desert environment. If you have, by the same token, if you have enough water, you have as much water as you have wood, obviously it's not a one-to-one analogy because you can go get more wood easily. But if you had a shit load of water, right, if you just had like, I hear your thought about getting cold, but I don't know, if I had shade, I guess you don't, I guess with cold you don't have to have electricity. You don't have to have electricity with cold and also you have more of an opportunity to find animals. You'll find more animals in cold climates and you're going to find more delicious animals for sure. Yeah, more things to eat, but you might, you could still easily starve to death. Like the idea that it's easy to go out there and shoot a bunch of animals and eat them all the time, like not most places. Most places you don't have an abundant enough supply of wildlife. You're also a guy who does archery. Yeah, I know. Like you have skills for this list. And I would still be panicked. I'd be like, fuck, this is not good. If I had to feed my family with a bow and arrow, first of all, I'd say, okay, how many arrows do I have? I would have to make sure that I have enough arrows. I mean, you'd have to practice too. Archery is not like a rifle. If I have a hundred rounds, I can kill a hundred things. I don't really need to practice that much of my rifles on off. I have good trigger discipline. I'll pull through the shot. I'll try not to flinch and I'm not going to take any unridged shots. I don't need literally the two of those three things. I have no fucking idea what you're talking about. Meaning. You're shooting. You don't want to anticipate. You don't want to flinch when the trigger goes off. So a lot of guys like Tim Kennedy, who's a friend of mine, who's one of the baddest motherfuckers in the world, he'll practice with dummy rounds. So he has regular bullets and then four bullets are just not real bullets. So it's like bang, bang, bang, click. And then he has to get rid of that bullet. But he least he knows if he was flinching. Because if you're flinching, you'll see this movement where there's no gun goes off. The bullet doesn't go off, but you make that weird move because you're anticipating the shot. That's the way to train yourself out of it. Yeah. You have to do something like that. You have to have what's called trigger discipline. Well first of all, trigger discipline means don't put your finger on the trigger, but also the way you squeeze. You got to just squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, and let the shot go off by surprise and not react to it. It's the same thing with a bow and arrow. You have to have a surprise shot. You want to just, you want to concentrate on the target, zone it in. Which feels like you kind of can't even be there, meaning you just have to be like, I'm doing a thing. Yup. Like you can't think about the release. You have to just think about the target. That's very astute of you. There's actually Courses. There's a guy named Joel Turner who has this whole course called Shot IQ. He teaches first responders like SWAT teams and shit about trigger discipline and about how to shoot properly under pressure. And he works with people with archery with the same thing. Because it's a psychological thing. But my point is with a bow and arrow you're kind of fucked. You need a lot of goddamn arrows. You need to make sure that bow is going to stay okay. And an animal too. Like a deer, deer or bear would be like the most edible thing. Yeah, you want a bear. If you have a bear you can eat that motherfucker for a long time. And you can take that fat and you can render the fat down and use it for cooking and use it for, you know, you could do a lot of things with it. And that meat is a lot of meat. Anything big. You want a big animal. Because you want to be able to dry it out, make jerky. You want to have something that's going to sustain you for a few days or weeks until you find another animal. You're going to want to dig a hole in the ground to make some sort of cold storage. You want to get below like the frost line. Yeah, because you got to protect it from other bears. Yeah, you're going to have to do a lot of things. And you're probably not going to make enough food. It sounds hard. It's the hardest. Every time I go on a hunting trip I always think like imagine if this is the only way I could get food. It's so goddamn hard to get close to an animal. So hard. You'll see videos of it like on YouTube. And there's the deer and you draw your bow back and you hit it in the heart and the deer is down and everybody celebrates. What you don't see is days and days of viking. All day long. If you could watch from a live stream of the moment a hunt start to the moment you're successful and you just sat through the whole thing like there's a fucking Games of Thrones marathon, then you would understand it. But even then you wouldn't really because you wouldn't be out there in the cold, exhausted, viking uphill, going thousands of feet up and down at elevation. And then the wind shifts and the deer smells you and it darts off. You're like fuck. It's hard man. It's like tedious. And to survive off of that, see I'm doing it for my own food but if I don't get a deer I'm going to live. I'll go to a restaurant. If you're, if the only option is deer that you catch and kill and find your daughter's sick. Oh my god. And you got to fucking catch a deer. That's when you wonder, you know, you wonder how am I going to watch them starve to death.