Joe Rogan Talks About Chimp Attacks

Lions have one shot at getting injured. They get injured once in their life and then it's over. So how long do you think they last after an injury like that? Dead. Dead within a couple weeks. They usually start at death. How do you not starve to death if you can't eat? You think the lion keeps thinking... You think they have like memories and they're like, that fucking gazelle. That fucking gazelle. Nope. I think they hold no grudges. Right. I think grudges are connected to cognitive function. Like our ego or our understanding of ourself. That's like, oh, I'm going to get him back. Because it's like ego. I don't think animals have an ego. They have a sense of fair though. Animals have a sense of, some animals do at least. Chimps do. One of the reasons why chimps attack people is because if people give something to someone else and they don't give it to them, they have a real sense of fairness. Yeah, there's a famous story of this guy who had a pet chimp and then the thing about chimps is you can keep them when they're young and then they get older and it's like a man. But a man that's five times stronger than you and like, why is he going to listen to you? He's not going to listen to you. So I think he started biting off fingers. It's one of the things that chimps do. When chimps get mad at you, they bite off your finger. Yeah, just to let you know, they're the boss. Like they don't give a fuck if you're injured. They have no remorse. Right. And they're intelligent. So you have this thing that's not a dog. It's not a person. It's this weird in between thing. It's an animal, but it's also intelligent. And so when you do something for someone else, but you don't do something for them, they get rage, like horrific rage. So this guy gets rid of this chimp, brings it to a shelter. The shelter takes it in and he goes to visit it every year and the chimp goes to see him like, oh, my friend, I miss you. I miss you. Why can't I come home? But he can't come home ever because he would just take over the house. Right. Because he's a grown chimp. They don't castrate chimps the way they castrate dogs. When you castrate a dog, it's standard. People think it's good. Oh, did you get your dog neutered? Yeah, I did. And you want your dog to have no testosterone. You want your dog to have no balls. But then it becomes a different thing. Right. Then it's tired. Have you ever seen a dog get snipped? One of my dogs get snipped when it was five years old. He was just too aggressive. And so someone talked me into it. And then when I got him snipped, all of a sudden he was just tired all the time. He was lazy. And I realized, oh, he didn't have any testosterone anymore. It's all gone. I'm like, wow. So the dog's a different dog now. So you can't do that to the chimps. For whatever reason, you can't do that to the chimp. You can't neuter a chimp. So this guy goes to visit the chimp and he brings a birthday cake. Happy birthday, buddy. And the other chimps that are in cages right next to him are like, this motherfucker didn't bring me a cake. I can't believe this shit. So they figure out a way to get out. And they got out and they attack the man and they tore him apart. They tore his face off. They tore his dick off. They tore his feet off. They bit his fingers off. It's one of the most horrific, cruel attacks you'll ever hear of because they did it to try to take away from him the things he wants and needs. Like chimps recognize you need your fingers in order to do things. You need your face in order to see. You need your dick in order to fuck. So that's the things they go after. Fucking assholes. They don't just try to kill you. They try to take away what it means to be a human. So if you try to hide your hands, they'll pull your hands away from them and open them up and bite them off like crazy with a rage-filled look in their eye. And they don't communicate with language. So they only have this sense in their head of what's fair and what's not fair and what you've done to them. So if you do something that makes them jealous, they think immediately you've done something bad to them. They don't think that, no, no, I just gave my friend a cake. Uh-uh. You made them feel bad. So it's you. You made them feel bad. So they go right after you. It's like a sort of a... It's an interesting study in the way sometimes people look at things. Like we've all been jealous, right? You've been jealous of someone. You see someone who's doing something well and you go, oh, I wish I was that guy. But you don't go attack that person, right? People recognize, like, it's not his fault that I feel bad that he has this Corvette. I have to just... Fuck. I just got to appreciate the guy's hustle. Guy's out there kicking ass. All right, I got to get my shit together. But there's a thing that we have initially, especially when they're children, we feel angry. Like we feel upset. Like we feel, like you've been shorted. Like someone's, oh, why didn't I get that? This is bullshit. He gets it and I don't... It's a fascinating part of humans. And then humans, as we get older and more sophisticated with language but still carry the same childish emotions, we find reasons to be upset at someone for being successful. We find reasons. Eat the rich. You know, we find these weird little ways that we can justify our jealousy or our anger or our disdain for those who are more successful than we. So it's like we're coming up with complicated, sophisticated ways to justify these primal behaviors that chimps exhibit in just violent rage. So this guy, it's a famous case. You can see the pictures if you want to see the pictures. Of the cake guy? Of the guy who got his face ripped apart and fingers bitten off. Yeah, I mean, he was in the hospital. That sounds great. Do you think that this guy... Folks at home prepared. Don't show it on the screen because it's rough. But Tony needs to see this before you go give a tramp a cake. Yeah, I'm not doing that. Wow. No nose. See how he bit his nose off? God. Yeah. Look at his face. Oh, shit. Yeah. How conscious they said after this happened. Oh, yeah, of course. Look at his... See his right hand and the fingers bitten off. Wow. That's what they do. They bite off your fingers. That's the chimp right there. Click on the chimp in the right-hand corner. That's his chimp. What is... Come on. Wow. What is that picture? I'm surprised he let him keep his ears. Oh, that's the guy's face, Jamie. That's what that is. He's got a trach because he can't breathe out of his mouth. Yeah. I don't think that, you know, chimps exactly know the human anatomy all that well, but they know what's important to you. Your face, your fingers. Fucking hell. Tour this guy apart. So, if he would have brought pieces of cake and given them to all the chimps and all the cages, if not... They'll all be happy. Yeah. But they're also angry that he's... They're captive. So, when they get captive... Look, being captive for a chimp is probably a similar feeling as to what it would be to be captive as a person. But if you see a chimp at the zoo and you're in this big... They're in this big containment and they have all these monkey bars and stuff they could hang on, but there's a bunch of people staring at them. Like, all day long, people are staring at you through glass and there's a ceiling. Like, there's a net over the top so you can't go over the top and there's fences and you're just like, fuck. Every day is boring. Nothing happens. Nothing happens every day. There's no lions. There's no fruit to go pick. There's no places to go journey to, to explore. Chimps travel around, man. They don't just sit in one particular 100 yard area for the rest of their life. And it's not even 100 yards, right? If you go to the LA Zoo, you ever see how small that enclosure is? Yeah. I went to the LA Zoo once really high, really high, like on an edible. And I wrote a piece on my website called Animal Prison. And I was like, because it made me feel like, because you know, when you're really fucking super baked, you're sensitive to everything. But just I recognize how to, instead of thinking about myself and thinking about, you know, oh, I'm going to go to the zoo and see the monkeys. I went there and I immediately felt sadness. I was like, oh no, these poor creatures, like they don't want to be here. Like what are we doing? Like we can't do this. I was thinking like, I got to get out of here. That's true. No, you're right. And it's very bizarre. Same thing with SeaWorld, same thing with all those places. Oh, SeaWorld's worse. Because they're as smart as us, if not smarter. We don't even really know how smart orcas are, right? Or dolphins, because we put them in these weird categories. How much emails do they send? Do they make houses? No, they must be stupid. But they have a cerebral cortex that's 40% larger than ours. We don't know how smart they are. They also, they communicate. They have a weird, sophisticated language that we can't decipher. We can't decipher it. We don't know what their language is. They've been able to recognize specific accents. So they know there's a southern accent and a Cleveland accent. There's a Chicago accent. Orcas have accents. We can tell by the sound, oh, this is an orca from Alaska. Or this is an orca from Seattle. Yeah. It's crazy. It's fucking nuts, man. Meanwhile, we put them in a swimming pool. A fucking swimming pool. It's so sad how their fin droops once they get depressed. It's not that they get depressed. They don't use it. It atrophies. It's like an arm that you don't pick anything up with. It just gets limp. Episodes of the Joe Rogan Experience are now free on Spotify. That's right. They're free from September 1st to December 1st. They're gonna be available everywhere. But after December 1st, they will only be available on Spotify. But they will be free. That includes the video. The video will also be there. It'll also be free. That's all we're asking. Just go download Spotify. Much love. Bye bye. Me. Pfft.