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3 appearances
Owen Benjamin is a stand up comedian and actor. Check out his podcast called “Why Didn’t They Laugh?” available on iTunes.
6 appearances
Kurt Metzger is a stand-up comic, writer, and host of the "Can't Get Right with Kurt Metzger" podcast. His latest special, "30 Minutes with Kurt Metzger," is available on YouTube. www.kurtmetzgercomedy.com
Yeah. For girls, do you think way worse? Way crazier. No, listen, men are dangerous, and that's why we have a system called the patriarchy to protect women. Michael Kast has a bit about a... We have a great system to protect women from the dangers of men called patriarchy. And we threw it away. We threw it away because of colleges. We threw it away because of colleges. Listen, I think it's important to talk about patriarchy because I feel that young 20-year-old women need their own Illuminati to talk about, you know? Yeah. Totally. So they blame their failures on... Yeah, it's like it's Illuminati for girls. Finally, if they have... It's like a conspiracy theory. They're the patriarchy. Well, there's no reason to ask for the set definition. There isn't one. Is that a suspicious... The same with racism. There is one in the dictionary, but that's not the acceptable one. Ask just any online feminist, what does it mean? There's no... Well, it can be whatever you want. You can be like, it means you're my ex-boyfriend named Gary. Do you mean a clique of mean girls? Is that patriarchy? Well, men are in a position of power. That's the patriarchy. But men have been in the workplace for hundreds of years more than women. There's a real problem with the idea that... All of a sudden, it should be caught up. But what about women? Why is it that you hear this shit where somebody goes, when people wonder, were all the female comedians? No... Who said that? Dude, people were talking about it when Louie got shellacked by that fucked up article. People were saying that shit about, you know, how come there's an equal number of female comedians to males? Well, because women are treated better in our society. Yeah. If there's ever an equal amount of female comedians, you know women are being abused way more than ever. Well... When you're doing this job from a happy... This job isn't about support. You get laughs because you're fucked up. So I hope there's not a lot of women in it. That would mean they're being, like, raped more. There's that, but it is also... It's just from a female perspective, if a chick's funny, it's harder because... Something happened to her. They can't, but they can't talk about certain things. Like no man wants to see a woman on stage telling politics stories or politics jokes. If it's funny, you know... Talk to her. You say that, but most people... They create a lot of The Daily Show. Maybe you. Right? Maybe you. But most people in the audience... For a woman starting out, but you think that's harder? I won't rule out anything. I won't say any premise is hacky, just punchline. So if your premise is airline fucking peanuts, that's fine. Tell me what your punchline is. Maybe your punchline justifies it. I won't rule out any premise. I won't either. I think... I won't either. Premises are hacky. People probably don't want to hear it, but who... It's like, look, if you can get people to listen to some shit that they basically don't want to hear, like, oh, great. Like, this is where I used to do the black rooms when I started outside. Listen, I'm totally in agreement with you. I'm totally in agreement with you. We're not talking about me. What are you drinking? Cape man coffee. We're not talking about me. Jesus, I feel wired as fuck right now. You're wired as fuck. Dude, I'm wicked wired from that. How much caffeine is in it? 270 milligrams. How many did you drink? Oh my God. Well, I just started sipping one, but I'm like... There's a second one that's empty. Did you black out and suck that one down? I just drank one. What the fuck is this? Dude, it's the type of... I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about most people that they're gonna... When a woman goes on stage and does stand up, most people that are gonna be in the audience, there's men that are just not gonna want to hear you talk about politics. There's men that are not gonna want to hear you talk about sex. It's harder for a woman. I think it's a harder position. Being a stand up comic for a woman is just harder. So I think if it's harder, you're naturally gonna see less people doing it, and then there's naturally less people inclined to do it. But it's just like female MMA. Most women are not gonna do it, but guess what? A lot of women do it. If you're the type that does it, you fucking do it. But there's no fucking... What about the patriarchy in MMA? Why are there equal number of women than men? You don't say that, right? They're not really fans of... You're not really fans of... You're not really fans of... I noticed that... Remember, who... I don't think that's it. I think it's because it's an untenable argument. What? That you can't say there should be an equal amount of women fighting as men, because it's not... That's one... Well, it's getting punched in the face. Listen, that's one area. That's one area where we agree. It's one area we get to, and go, yeah, well, men, they do this better. This is they do it more. They're doing it constantly. And there's some elite female athletes in MMA, don't get me wrong, that rival the elite athletes of men. But they used to be men. They had the operation. Fucking way more men. Fucking way more. I mean, it's not even close. Same with basketball, like WNBA. In a sponging sport, I hope so. Right, but this is what... My point is, the same as stand-up. Yeah, because stand-up's another getting punched in the face sport to me. It's super fucking difficult. You take an emotional beating. Some people don't want to do it. It's not a judgment call. It's not like you're better or you're worse. No, it picks you. I think it picks you. The people that left that I started... I don't know if you think of when you started, people you thought that were funny that left. And people that stage, you can't believe you're still here. It's clearly a calling and not a... Yeah, you gotta be able to take a beating. Some people just decide too, they've had enough. They're like, they don't want to get off this fucking ride. You know, there's a lot of guys that were like big time touring headlighters. They got to a point and they're like, fuck this. You usually go to Vegas or something. Yeah, yeah, they do that. Or they just fucking get some sort of a riding job. Some guys get riding jobs. You know, they start doing tree work like me. They move to the middle of nowhere and freeze outside. They just start cutting down trees. You know, I like the writers' guild, but... Listen, man, anybody who thinks there should be an equal number of men or women in any job and that if there's no clear evidence that this is a neutral occupation, that this is an occupation that doesn't favor any gender, like there's gotta be jobs where it's equally represented in men and women. Outside of that, your job is what you choose to do with your life. The boys grow up playing with fucking trucks and superheroes and girls grow up playing with dolls and they obviously are more inclined in this direction. Men are more inclined in that direction that we expect them to meet at any interest and that we would force it. And force it. It also ruins it for women. It makes them think that they should do jobs that they might not enjoy and then they get really depressed. Yeah, or they think that they need to prove themselves by doing a man's job. Exactly. Instead of just doing what they actually enjoy doing. Well, I mean, you know, it's funny as long as I can remember my mom wanted to work and she got a job and then she was mad because she wanted to stop working. Yeah. But, I mean, it just depends on the level of need, right? Like what if there's like a war or a bad economy or something? Guess what? You're gonna go get a job. That's a different thing, right? It's different during the war. Like everybody was sort of bonded together because, you know, they had to make shit constantly. Well, there seems to be a much more of a, you know, sometimes my girlfriend, my girlfriend is a comic, you know, like I realized this even ties in with this Jez and I think because I realized like, or she realized that like half the bad things that happened to her in the last four years were social media related. Oh, that's hilarious. Like, or more, maybe all of them, I'm thinking about it, like, if I think all the bullshit like stress on my life that I had in you is fucking social media. I know, but it is real though. Like I've had a couple of theaters cancel out. I've been trying to ruin my life. Oh, dude. Strangers like set out, I'm gonna ruin your life. Like where I was like, wow, you got a lot of people. Dude, it costs money now. It's crazy. What did you get theaters canceled for? Well, I booked two art schools. I just paid them to rent it, like the area and I sold it out myself and then they would just cancel saying that I do hate speech or something. What are we saying? Oh, there's one merit in Chicago and then Brooklyn School of Music just can't sign me and I had to switch it that day. Chicago and Brooklyn though are like hot beds. Well, first of all, Chicago is filled with social, social jeanities. Oh, dude, and that's all I was saying. Like I'm a piano player. I never say SGW, social jeanities. No, dude, and I thought that was like my save spot. I'm like, dude, I'm a piano player, man. Chicago is so full of like... Dude, everywhere is... It's like the nothing from the never ending story. It's just like everywhere now. Well, you know, dude, if you go to these underserved markets, like Detroit's right there. There's people that want to see you in Detroit. You go like Detroit might be... Bro, I'll go to Detroit. It's fucking amazing. I love Detroit, man. I'm in track. Is that the fucking area I was in? No, I did this place small, some rock. Dude, it was tremendous. Yeah, I had a great time in Detroit. I did that film, or I did two shows there. It was fucking amazing. I went for sports and they were like seven years ago. I was sick. Fucking fun, man. They appreciate you. Well, it's easy to forget that, you know, this horseshit, because it's this cult that these people are in that's in Hollywood and New York and that's just there. It's not... The rest of the country, people aren't... You know, this is the thing that you get fooled with social media is you think this is like reality. No, but it is everywhere, but they don't like it. That's the difference. Like Hollywood can have people being like, oh no, this is great. But it is in other colleges and like college kids write me that they have to sign a white privileged contract. Yeah, I've seen that. I've seen that. But at least they know... It means they acknowledge their white privilege, which is basically, I don't know, something that happened usually before genocide or whatnot. But you acknowledge your white privilege and what? You have it easier than other people. That's amazing. I've never heard of that. Bro, it's unreal. Well, they're giving kids in certain schools, they're giving kids lectures on gender and that how some people are gender fluid, meaning that they can switch back and forth from male to female at any time. At what point in time do we go, okay, maybe that's true, but what's the odds that that's nonsense? The odds are overwhelming. I mean, it might be someone with some sort of a psychological disorder where they do bounce back and forth between being a man and woman. But at what point in time can we recognize this is a psychological disorder and this is just not a natural state of being like having red hair. By the way, also, I don't give a shit. I know, it's not a morality thing. No, it's not involved me. But it's... Why do you have to teach kids that in school? It's people fighting to be... You know when they go, well, white is considered default. Well, that's because it's a majority white population. Default doesn't mean... I don't understand why people are fighting... White is by default? What do you mean? That doesn't make any sense though. When people go flesh colored band-aids or white, which I don't even know if that's still true. They have brown band-aids to do. But it's literally a matter of population. Why are you fighting to be default or the boring... I became a comedian to be marginal on the margins. I didn't want to be in the main... Dude, my heart makes shit. I can't go on a fucking roller coaster. Well, to answer the band-aid thing is very easy. The time that band-aids were invented, there was a far greater population of white people. Yeah, no shit. There's more now. Like, would they say within 30 years, white people are going to be the minority? I think we're also fucking just looking forward to it. Can't wait. Because my kid, white, I don't even know. Your kid is definitely not white. You're half Jewish and your kid's half Mexican. Yeah, so can I smoke this in here by the way? Yeah, sure. Is that marijuana? What do you got going on there? Some little glass pipe? Yeah, it's a chillum. A chillum? That's what these go called. That's like a fish concert pipe. I thought a chillum was that thing they do with hash. Maybe. Sure, but that's what it is. I mean, is it just a straight one? Yeah, it's just a straight one. So just a one-hitter. Yeah. We got joints here if you want to spark a joint. I do want to spark a joint. I think it's because of student debt that all this shit's happening. Because of what? Student debt. No. It's because of a lot of fucking... No one's going to get a job from underwater vagina ballet. The economy tanked, all of a sudden there's money to be made. And there's 60 grand in debt for underwater vagina ballet, and then they have to justify it somehow. It's crazy. First of all, if you are an expert in underwater vagina ballet, that's a marketable skill to me. Deserved money. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.