Joe Rogan on the Ridiculousness of R. Kelly

Hello freak bitches. They rebranded it as Chilean sea bass and pedaled it as gourmet fare. Scam. So disappointing. Real talk. Real talk. It's a lot. Don't you think I got enough bullshit on my mind? Yeah, you gotta press your head. My favorite is, bitch I wish you would. Burn my motherfucking clothes. Yeah, we all wish someone would burn your clothes, R. Kelly. They're disgusting. I love it. It's more like, don't you know how many sexual harassment losses I have on my mind? Like, what does R. Kelly have on his mind? Does he have a lot on his plate? I don't think he's remarkably calm. Yeah. How old is R. Kelly? He's 80. He seems to be gliding through forever. He's been 35 for 78 years. He seems to be gliding through any forms of controversy, like relatively unscathed. How much money does he have? Oh, ungodly Toms. 57? 50 this year. 50. Wow. How much money is he worth? 20 million? Way more. 100 million? Does he write his own songs? Or whatever the fuck those are called? Oh, yeah. You think somebody else is writing that shit? Some stone. With the other goddamn! With the other goddamn! That's what I thought! 150 million. What? Boom, Sherlock, lock, boom. What? That's a low number. Do you think that's true? He's got probably 150 million stored in his fucking basement somewhere. From what? Yeah, the 90s? He's concerts. He's concert- It's live shows. You're right, you're right, you're right. He sells out giant places. Every time he sells out a giant place, he can- When you go to his website, his tour- Hundreds. Hundreds of thousands. Like, is he constantly touring? He tours. He tours a lot when he's not fucking. Oh, excuse me. Oh, look. It's like this. Okay. Go to events. That's a beautiful photograph. Just one right now. Ontario, California. Ontario, California. October 8th. Arena. Arena, bitch. Arena. You know what I do in Ontario? I do the fucking improv. Me too. That's a nice improv. That's a great improv. It's a fun one. Citizens Bank Arena. That's like a 20,000- How much are your tickets? 50 bucks. 50 bucks. Okay. The after-party tour. So no one's mad. No one's mad about- That's what he's saying. Oh, 127 bucks. Damn. Well, we all talk. Fuck you. Fuck you! Fuck me! Fuck you! Fuck me, girl! Fuck you! You know what? Good point. You know what? Never mind. I'll stop yelling. That was a cogent point. He's still raking it in. He does those every now and then. Rakes in the cash, goes back to his sex slave den. Slanged dick until he falls asleep. So do you have to pay to me in the sex cult? Yeah, everybody pays. With your integrity and sexual health. Everybody pays. Gotta listen to lyrics. Pays emotionally. Gotta take notes. 50 years old. $150 million. God damn it. Sold over 100 million albums. Whoa! It's amazing. He's only got 150 million left. What? He's got a dollar an album? That's crazy. You gotta get a new manager. It's actually pretty good, I think. Is it? They saved that much. Well, a dollar an album is pretty good. Yeah. But you would just think- Is it? A guy with that plus concert sales. Like, he- maybe he's got a lot more money. I mean, you know, those fucking people don't know that celebrity network. They're just making guesses. So I was gonna say, what is that based on? I've gone to mine and it's not true. I don't think. I don't know how much. I literally have no idea how much money I have. 50 million settlements. Andrea Kelly needs you to support her ex, R. Kelly, so she can get paid. The best job you can have is R. Kelly's ex-wife. He agreed to a $50 million settlement with his ex-wife. Were they married more than 10 years? That must have been. Whoa. Because in California, you get half after 10 years. He met choreographer, blah, blah, blah, when she auditioned to be one of his backup dancers in 1994. They married in 96. They had three children. Can't have kids. Before their divorce in 2009. Since then, he has gone on a dick-slinging rampage of epic proportion. The singer explained the grounds of their divorce in his 2012 autobiography, Solar Coaster, The Diary of Me. Why don't we have that book? The Diary. Why did you say my diary? No, no. Not The Diary of Me, you ego maniac. I'm about Solar Coaster. It's been a solar coaster. I'm uncomfortable. All those ups and downs. But I'm here now. Does he know that you can just say my diary? Solar Coaster. Why would he when he looks so awesome? Look at all those microphones pointing at him. What is that book cover? He's like he's flying. That looks like the cover of the Rosetta Stone. It looks like maybe the greatest book of all time with 189 consumer reviews and four and a half fucking stars. That's what I'm seeing. I'm seeing success. Real talk. Yes. Do you know that Matthew McConaughey's mother has a book? It's called I Amaze Myself? I've been serious? Your face. I don't want to pick on anybody's mom. That was the realest I've ever seen you. She talks about. He's paid out millions in out of court sexual misconduct settlements. Real talk. It gets funnier every time you do it. Fuck you. Don't you think I got enough bullshit on my mind? Oh. Where you at? Hey, I mean, he's finding people that like to live his way. Do you think you could start a cult? You kind of have a cult actually. I think pretty much anybody could start a cult. I know a shitty comedian that's basically started a cult. Gotta go. Yeah, I'll write it down. Okay. It's more common than you would think. I think people have. Yeah. Yeah. That one. Wow. I think there's a lot of people that want to be led. I think there's a lot of people that like just how some people are born tall. I mean, I had a joke about this. Like I was trying to explain to my kids something. And I was like, you know, some people have big ears and some people have little ears. Well, some people have brains that are made out of dog shit. And then you find people that are dumber than them that let them have sex with them. And then they make kids and those kids are fucked and don't let anybody tell you any different. And if you have a really low watt brain and you run into some charismatic figure that you feel. Can we just see this happen in November? Yeah. There's a lot of that. Yeah. I mean, that's what a lot of what happened, right? A lot of people who are like, yes, finally, finally, you let them know. Yes. This is my president. You fucking, that's your president to you, P.J. Hey. Real talk. Yeah. You can, there's a lot of monkeys out there.