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Ron Funches is a comedian, actor and writer. His podcast "Gettin' Better" is available on Spotify. On September 5, his live stand up event "Awakening" will be streaming on YouTube and tickets are now available here: eventbrite.com/e/ron-funches-awakening-tickets-113410704470
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You don't get the vibrance. Yeah. Yeah. When the ocean looks like a dull gray, yeah, even the ocean looks tired like, oh, right. As opposed to like, if you go to Mexico, like I went to Cancun way back in the day. And the first thing I noticed like, how the fuck is the ocean that color? Like, look how pretty it is. Yeah. It's like a bluish green. It's gorgeous. Yeah. Have you ever been to the French Riviera? No. Oh my god. One time. Went and yeah, same thing. They have pebble beaches instead of sand, which is horrible. But the water is so beautiful. It's crazy. Yeah, I grew up in that town, which was next to the Charles River. And that Charles River went all the way through Boston. And the Charles River was like disgusting, man. Like you'd see condoms floating in it. I saw one pipe and these bubbles were coming up to the surface. I was like, what the fuck is that? And then I saw a condom bubble up. And I went, oh my god, it's a sewer pipe. And I realized someone was just flushing their shit and piss right into the goddamn river. How did this happen? And I was 14. And I'm like, what the fuck is this? How am I finding this? Like, you don't have anybody checking to see if the shit pipe is pumping right into the goddamn river? Oh my god, it was crazy. So it wasn't clean by any stretch of the imagination. So to see that kind of clean, pure ocean water where like, you ever heard of bone fishing? Do you know what that is? It's the type of fishing that people do. I think they mostly just catch and release them. I don't think they even keep most of them. But they go to Florida. And I think the Bahamas, I want to see the Bahamas. And they are on these special boats that are like these boats you can stand on. And they're fly fishing for this fish that looks like it belongs in the Stone Age. This weird, cool looking fish called the bonefish. See if you can pull up a picture of it. I don't know why we're talking about this. That's how high I am. But that's what they look like. Oh, that's cool. Is that a bonefish? It looks more like a barracuda. That's a bonefish. See, that's a bonefish. That other one was a barracuda. I think they just had a bad photo. You see the difference? It's a crazy looking fish, man. And see that water behind them? It's hard to tell from this image. But what we're looking at is really shallow water. At the most, it's like three feet deep. And they're just casting out. And they see these fish coming towards them. And they catch it. It's supposed to be super, super exciting. You do a lot of fishing? I don't do a lot of fishing. But I love fishing. It's fun. But this is fun, I would assume. I haven't done this kind of fishing, bone fishing. But that's what people love, seeing a fish coming and going and biting your lure. It's very exciting. Yeah, it sounds exciting. But look how clear that goddamn water is. No, it's beautiful. No condoms. There's no condoms. Just bonefish. I was watching a video today of a guy jumping with scuba gear on into the garbage patch. It's the middle of the Pacific Ocean. You know, I knew that it was supposed to be horrific. But when you see it in a video, you watch it and just go, what the fuck is this? This guy put scuba gear on and jumped into this. It was plastic. You couldn't see anything but plastic. Everywhere you looked, to the left and the right, it was all plastic. This is huge. Several states large. Yeah, this shit. This is what humans are doing to the ocean. You see them jump in and it's almost, did they show them jump in, or is this a different video? This is a different video. This is a different video, because the other one, the guy starts out on the boat and dives in. And what he dives into is just plastic soup. It's fucking disgusting, man. It's crazy. Yeah, I like this. So there's this guy that we had on the podcast. His name is Boyan Slott. And he created a device that he's using to try to pull the plastic out of the ocean. And they'll maybe convert that plastic into things that we can use. And I don't think it worked on the first attempt, but they're relaunching it, right? They had to do something to fix things. It's still in the prototype stage, but it's going to have these machines, or these giant nets that move around through the ocean and catch all those plastic. Yeah, just scoop it. I had to stop it from getting fish. That's a very good question. I don't think there's any fish living in there. I bet a lot of fish have eaten that stuff, though, guaranteed. There's probably a lot of fish with plastic in their stomachs. Oh, 100%. Yeah, man. That's gross. I mean, what kind of shit gets in their system? And then when you eat that fish, what kind of shit are you getting in your system? How many people were testing their fish? I mean, how many people are before they eat a salmon? They're like, hold on. Let me check for mercury. Let me see how much arsenic's in this. Let's see what kind of heavy metal pore. What's that stuff? BPBs that they're worried about that come from? What is the stuff they're worried about that comes from bottles? Like it's plastic. Yeah, BPAs or something like that. That sounds right, yeah. I wish I knew what that meant. I guess they did. They did it wrong. They did it wrong. Their first results from November. I don't know what he's saying. Oh, so this is their first actual pulling of the garbage. You know, listen, man, even if it takes 10 years, if they could figure out a way to get rid of all that plastic, and we could figure out a way to not put that plastic in the ocean, we could maybe, what I really worry about almost as much as this, maybe even more is overfishing. When you realize how many different ships are out there using giant nets and just scooping everything they catch inside that net and then just serving it to us, and we're like, whoo, you want to get sushi? Yeah, sushi sounds good. You know, we're like, so clueless. Sushi sounds good. It's ocean genocide. I mean, it's fucking chaotic, man. I mean, they don't have real control. It's international waters. People are just cutting nets and dropping them to the bottom of the ocean, and they catch in things all the time. There's nets all over the place out there. People just release their nets. They just litter. But you've been very conscious about what you eat and sustainability a lot lately, right? Well, I think sustainability, yeah. I do think about that a lot. I don't know if I'm that conscious of it. I'm definitely guilty of not being sometimes. I mean, I'm extremely unconscious about it. I wish I was more conscious about it because I'm what it will put in my face. It makes me all sad. Yeah. I'm more conscious about what I eat than I am sustainability in terms of the quality of what I eat. I'm more conscious about that. I should be more conscious about sustainability, but sometimes it feels like, what is this? What are you showing me here? Is that a crocodile, goddamn it? No. What is it? Big catch with an exclamation mark is the name of this video has got 40 million views on YouTube. It's a net that's full of stuff. Oh, they caught a net. Oh, this is, oh, a net. This is a fishing boat. Yeah. Oh Jesus. Yeah. Look at that. Look how it works. They just scoop up every fucking thing that's in that ocean. It's really amazing that they fit. I mean, what a horrific place to be if you're a fish. Imagine if fish were like super smart and this is their demise. I mean, this is an insane net filled with living creatures that we're going to eat. Not bro. It's just tilapia. Relax. God, you're getting so dramatic. Look at that. That's a crazy bundle of these ocean creatures. And how often does this happen a day? Is it all day? I bet it is. I bet this is all day. I bet this is all day for years and years and years and years. And I don't think they take time off. I think they keep going. And if they're not there, someone else is there too. I think this is happening as long as they can make money selling fish and we're willing to buy fish. It's kind of insane. You think people ever feel bad about it? Sure. Do you think those people feel bad? Maybe. It's possible. They're not monsters, right? They might develop a real food. Well, that guy just stepped right on a fish though. Yeah, they get desensitized, I'm sure, man. He doesn't seem like he cared at all. Well, this is crazy. This is not a person supposed to be able to catch a fish or a two fish or three fish and then you eat it. This is chaos, man. This is some crazy thing where you have to make filet of fish sandwiches because there's 320 million people and 100 million of them want junk food any time they want it. I don't know if that went to filet of fish or if that's expensive fish. I really have no idea. I'm just talking shit. Don't listen to me. And I also eat fish, so I'm a hypocrite. But it is kind of crazy when you watch this video. And I'm not opposed to you eating fish, but I'm just saying the reality of what this is is crazy. This is a crazy scene. And to deny it's a crazy scene, I'm still going to eat fish. I feel awful about this. It does slightly make me want sushi. Looking at this, it's crazy. When I was a server, a big question people would always ask is it farm raised or is it wild caught? If this is wild caught versus farm raised, I don't know why it would make a giant difference. It seems bad either way. Yeah, tell no matter what for these organisms. But they're delicious and they're really good for you. But how are they going to ensure that there's going to be some left? That's what's crazy. The human governments need to get together and go, hey, we can't kill the whole ocean because that is possible. If you keep going at the pace that it's going now, if you really stop and think about what the ocean must have been like when you hear about those Japanese tuna fishermen, like did you see Jiro Dreams of Sushi? Remember when those gentlemen were at the fish market and they were talking about what it used to be like? It used to be tuna everywhere. So much tuna. Now it's like a small amount and you got to check to see if it's good. They're watching it happen in real time. If you go from that point where that guy was talking about today and then go 50 years from now at the same pace, like yeah, no, you got to be, but it seems like that it wouldn't be that hard to be more conscious about it. Well, at the very least, they have to take into consideration the fact that they need to maybe develop some sort of an international program to breed these things. Yeah. You know, they've done that with Yellowtail. They have these like ocean sort of almost like a corralled in area and they're out in the ocean, but they're only in this one trapped area and they're feeding them, you know, and occasionally they get out, like they get those yellow tails in Hawaii. There was a storm, the storm wrecked their little enclosure and they got out and now they're everywhere. So all these hamachi grade, like sushi grade yellow tails are swimming around all over the place outside of Hawaii. And they're breeding and they're getting bigger. Yes, it's crazy. It's interesting. But, but I was thinking when they were telling me that, well, so if that's what they did, like maybe they should do that and just keep releasing them. Maybe it should be a program that all the people who buy sushi fund into that just takes a little piece of the sushi money and uses it to develop these programs to make sure that these fucking fish keep breeding. So you can have more sushi. I think people will pay extra for that. Should, right? Then they would, then they would feel good. Yeah, feel better. You're helping out? Yeah. That's what I think we can leave this next next next generation ever real good possibility of like making things work out better.