Joe Rogan Can't Stop Laughing at Fake Martial Artists!

So the goat really did fall over and die? Well, no, oh, well, guys, Sveli, so we tracked down the goat starer. This is to, he now runs a dance studio in Ohio, the Sveli dance and martial arts studio. Jesus Christ. Yeah. So we tracked him down. I said, I said to him on the phone, said, do you still ever like kill goats just by staring at them? And he went with this matter of fact, just last week, I killed my hamster just by staring at him. Hamster's lived to be like three days old. He said, he said, he said he caught it on video and I said, well, can we come and watch the video? So we weren't, he said, okay. So we flew to Ohio to meet Guy Sveli. So like he's like, so the hamster's like running around in its wheel and that guy's off camera like staring at the hamster. And then finally the hamster gets off the wheel and it's like all the sawdust and then the hamster like drops, like stops moving, drops down and stops moving amid the sawdust. So I'm like, whoa. And then the hamster gets up again and the video ends. So I was like, that's not dead. Like a guy said, you flew all the way to Ohio to see a video of a hamster. So Guy said, yeah, yeah, my wife, my wife told me like not to, my wife said, don't show them the part where the hamster dies. So what? Yeah. In case I was like a bleeding heart Libra and I was like, yeah, his wife told him to not show you the video that you flew all the way the fuck to Ohio to see. Well, I think it's possible that the hamster just doesn't die. No way, bro. But it's true. Guy showed me like a whole. Yeah, that's kind of a false green, please. You need to put a guy's value amount. Hey, what happens when you've got a guest is on for three hours and they want to use the bathroom? Just go ahead and use the bathroom. Good. Can you cover for me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll, we'll, we'll turn the volume here. Okay. Oh, he's doing some fake martial arts too. Oh, this is hilarious. Oh, you don't understand. This is my favorite stuff. John Ronson. Look at this. This is my favorite stuff. It's all like pokes triangle. Oh, it's called the triangle of death. I didn't know. I'll go back to that. I want to need to, I need to watch that again. This is hilarious. Right here behind there's a quad artery. Ooh, the artery is the esophagus airway. Yeah. The ABC approach of helping a person, you're hurting a person. They need a clear airway. They need to be able to breathe. And they need, have circulation of blood through their body. Pause that for a second. What's one thing about bullshit artists is they always like use these real technical terms, like especially martial arts, bullshit artists. They always talk about like, uh, like medical terms that they're like disrupting the, the nerve, the vagus nerve that goes to the brain and the, this is your C6, C7, your cervical disc and I'm going to attack the cervical disc through the carotid artery. They're all like, it's almost like they learn all these technical terms to sort of make their horseshit look more palatable. Uh, in order to live in the poison hand technique, poison hands. Although I'm not showing you how to strike to penetrate the skin of which we have a way to do that. Please don't show anybody, sir. With your flabby grandma arms. He's going to watch. He's going to show you. Oh boy. How's he alive? It's just the end part is my favorite where he does like the fucking karate stands behind the, the guy's back. Is that your tab? And look at that, the end part, a little, a little limp hand to the back. Oh, that guy's wonderful. I don't know why man. I don't know why, but this stuff gives me so much pleasure. I enjoy fake martial arts videos more than almost anything. More almost as much as hold this beer, the Twitter account that I fucking, every two days I have to retweet one because I find a good new one. I don't know why. Oh, he's got new stuff. Oh, what's he going to do? Mind development. Oh, mind development. Striking tickets. Let me see this. Let me see this. The guy's coming close. He's touching him. He's about to touch him. What the fuck was that? The guy's about to touch him. You're going to hear this. Is that the demand? No, no, no, no. He's got this. Hold on. Play that back. Play that back. Development of the mind. So you know, you know the shit back to me, right? Oh yeah, I certainly do. This is your bread and butter. This is well, this is something I've been doing more than I've been doing anything in my whole life. This is the first real exercise towards that goal. You can't, you can't see this. It's so fucking stupid. So he's going to, he's the goat stuff and the men are static. Oh, he's just going to punch a watermelon. Oh, you're crazy, bro. Oh, it's solid. Oh, no way. That's impenetrable. That's basically a brick wall. He's going to use his fingers. One, two. Oh, I broke his hand, son. You broke your hand, kid. He's the first guy to tell me about the demac, the death touch. He went right through that watermelon, bro. I would let that guy do that to me. I'd be like, okay, fuck the watermelon, dude. Let me tighten up my stomach. Oh, yeah, I've seen this. I've seen this stuff. This is, yeah, this is guy doing military stuff, right? This is, this is deep. This is minister. It's not really military, but he's wearing a military outcome. He's so, I do know that guy went to Fort Bragg and did the goat stuff. Like he showed me documentation. See this right here? Listen, man, I used to do this. Look at that. That's so stupid. That guy, he picked his leg up when he's doing it. Oh, this is hilarious. This guy's going to do it with his fingertips. Hi-yah! My hand went right through. Here's the thing. When I was a kid, like real young, we used to do these demonstrations. When I was like 15, when we would open up a new school, we'd do these demonstrations. And it was the only time we ever broke boards. We fucking never broke boards. Because it's really easy to do and it looks harder than it is. It's a bit like walking on hot coals, right? It's way easier than walking on hot coals. Because those things, first of all, the way they're cut is with the grain. The grain is going in a manner. What's the way we describe it? So if you're holding something up, the grain is actually going in the way that you want it to break. So you're breaking it with the grain. You literally can do it with your fingers. Like I could... And those are thin pieces of wood, too. You could take this piece of... If this pad was a wood, you could just go like this with two fingers. You could just go, snap, and it would break. It breaks like nothing. I was 15. And when we do these karate kicks and punches and stuff, they always broke. They always broke. They're so easy to break. So here's the question. What does it say about special forces at Fort Bragg that they would bring guy in to do these? They brought that guy in? Well, I don't believe it was like a sanction from the very top. But he certainly went to Fort Bragg and stared at goats. He stared at goats at Fort Bragg. Well, they probably just grabbed whatever dummies they could find. Like, get some dudes that want to stare at a goat. Like, there's a lot of people, though. Here's one thing that is a fact. There's a lot of people, particularly in the 80s and the 90s, before the Ultimate Fighting Championship came around, there was a lot of fake martial arts out there. A lot. I know people that were teaching fake martial arts that got into the military, that got into the police. I knew the guy who was deep in the police force, and he had fake martial arts. His martial arts were fucking completely useless. And it tallies with the US military credo of thinking out of the box, like, if we don't try this stuff, nobody else will try this stuff. What is going on here? They're blurring. Look at how easy it is to break that. Oh, the special ops. Okay, so yeah, there you go. And they were killing goats. Cuntow. I've never heard of that one. Cuntow. Yeah, that's Guy Savelle's thing. But, you know, then General Stubblebein, who I'm sure would have been a fan of this show, because he was a big fan of Alex's. So he was like head of Army Intelligence. He had 16,000 soldiers under his command, and he totally believed in all of this stuff. He believed in that stuff? Oh, yeah. What that guy was doing? General Stubblebein would, when he was head of Army Intelligence in Arlington, would try and walk through his wall. Because he told me one time, he said, like, he said, what is the atom mostly made up of? Space. What is the wall mostly made up of? Atoms. I mean, to me, the key word in this is mostly. Mostly, right? This is a big part of that, bro. He would, like, stand up from behind his desk and, like, you know, basically run into it. So you should have asked him, what's an atom bomb made up, you fucking idiot? He said to. Let me show you a video. He said he would...