Joe Rogan and Bill Burr on talking to other parents from Joe Rogan Experience #909

Hello freak bitches. That's an abused word, love. There's way too many people throwing that word around like a beach ball at a concert. It's just too abused. Dude, all of that shit and then like all of the stuff that people say that when you first see your kid all like they fill your head up on what the fuck you're supposed to feel. I was talking about this on, I think on Kimmel, like I would, when I saw my kid for the first time, I was like afraid. Like I was like I didn't have that, oh my god, I just started crying. I was just like, hey, and I sort of just put my finger down, let it like hold. And when they left me alone with it for the first time, like the magnitude of it was definitely huge. But I didn't feel that whole like, you know, the second I saw my kid, I knew my life had changed. I didn't feel that for like 12 hours. It wasn't until the next, but I think because my head was so filled up on what I was supposed. I was like having an outer body experience. It wasn't until the next morning my wife was playing like Stevie Wonder, you know what I mean? Some chill music and stuff and I was just sitting with her and it just sort of, you know, and you know, baby, baby sneezes or something like that. And it just fucking hits you. But even then I never had like that blubbering moment. To me, it was kind of scary too and kind of psychedelic because when my daughter was born, my eight year old was born, there was a moment when I was thinking how many babies are being born simultaneously? Right now, all over the world. And if you can look at it on the screen, it would be a swarm of humanity. Just heads popping out of pussies. Just if you could see every baby coming out right now. And then I thought at the same time, I thought about this baby becoming an old lady and dying. And I thought like how many old people are dying simultaneously at the same time right now? Yeah, see I think it's important to say that because everybody, the hacky thing is you're supposed to say the second I saw my kid, I burst it out crying and blah, blah, blah, blah. And then so then it becomes like if you don't do that, you're not going to be a good dad. You don't care and all of that type of stuff. But I just think that that kind of became like the hacky default thing. And then I also, this is all just theories, of course, and I'm not going to research any of this. But I think parents try to outdo each other with their stories about what the fuck they felt and it's just because they're really, they're really like they're not sane people. Most parents know and I've learned to kind of already be like, they'll just sit down next to you like your floor is gump. And they'll just sit down and just start talking to you. So you just had your kid. All right, well, this is what you got to watch out for. You know, I remember my kid and blah, blah, blah, blah, dude. It's like airplane. You know what I mean? With it with a fucking person. He talks to me. You want to kill yourself. Just wait until you start going to school and you got to you got to hang out with these parents all the time because your kids become friends with their kids. And then you become friends with these people that you would never be fucking friends with. This is what I do is I just look straight ahead and I don't look at him. I don't respond to what they're saying. And then they just sort of talk quieter and they gradually leave. You're going to have to go to dinner with them. Your wife's going to be friends with some lady. You're going to let's go on a double date. You're going to go. This is one guy I know. He talks and he doesn't look at you. He tells me these fucking stupid stories about his kid in the basketball team and he looks at you for a second. So so Adam's in his basketball and he starts looking down. He's like the coach won't put him in the game. And I'm saying like he's a good player. He's a good player. How come you're not putting him in the game? And he's fucking rambling, rambling with no regard whatsoever for your attention span, the entertainment value of what he's saying. He's just the underlying insecurity of not being able to look at you or he's so in self involved. He's self involved and doing some weird thing with his hands where he's like like talking with his hands and I'm going Jesus Christ. Literally like someone's what he fantasize about doing to him. I'm not just running. Just running away. I don't want to hurt him. The guy's hurt by life. He's so damaged by life. I don't want to do anything to him. I just want to get the fuck away. I always picture those people and I have a giant roll of duct tape. I just put it on there. It's like a cartoon level speed. No, it's cartoon level. I just put it on their mouth and I go. And the last one, it comes up and over their head and then it hangs down. The whole rest of the tape is hanging down over there. Awkwardly. And then I just go back to eating or whatever and they just sit there and slowly have to take it off. There's some brutal fucking people. It's you know, there's a bunch of weird people that you know, you get closer to them and closer to them and you find out about their life. Yeah, but you know what? All those people I want to do that too. I'm sure they're talking about me. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure they talk about me too. That's just how it goes. It just seemed like he was in a bad mood. Yeah. All the time. Yeah. Yeah, this is friend of Ron White's who's a friend of mine who the first time he met me, he's like, oh, I don't know. And Ron's like, I'm telling you he's a good guy. Like he's a dad too and we're all buddies together now, but he's like, I don't know. I just, I'm guarded. I've been beaten down by some of these fucking basketball stories that these assholes will tell you. And my kitty, he's a good player. He's a good player. They just won't put him in the game. Just you think of things that you would torture somebody talking about and you're like, I would never do this to you. Why are you doing this to me? You're not even thinking about it. It's like verbal waterboarding. You're like in your own little Guantanamo. That's a great way to describe it. Just being like, when is the dessert tray coming? So I could say I don't need dessert. That's part of the problem when hanging around with comedians too, is when they say something like a good percentage of it is funny. It doesn't have to be funny all the time, but a good percentage. When you're talking to people that aren't funny at all and it never comes, like surely there's something funny coming. Eventually, nothing? Never? Never. Something compelling. Nothing. Not a goddamn thing. Just, can you play card? And that's when I start thinking like those duct tape fantasies and then I start making myself laugh and I have to pretend like I'm drinking and then they get all weirded out because they see some weird look on my face. And it's the whole thing, just fucking, it just goes south. Yeah, I usually breathe. I take these breathing exercises. I do the Wim Hof method where I take all my breath in and I let like 15, 20% out. There's no way you do that across from a person. Well, I guess if he's not looking at you, he doesn't see it. Yeah, I do. I do it like this. Watch, ready? Because you look like you just got shot and you're waiting for the ambulance when you're doing it. Like you're just trying to hold up. Okay, keep it together. Stay conscious. Stay conscious. Keep it together. Try to stay present. Try to meditate in the face of overwhelming, retarded conversation. Just try to detach myself from whatever they're saying. Find a happy place. Find a peaceful spot. Thanks for watching.