Joe Rogan - Al Madrigal Talks About Firing People for a Living

Hello freak bitches. Fucking... my mom was cleaning houses and making six dollars an hour. My dad, Teamster, warehouse foreman. And they, you know, were poor growing up, lower middle class, and then went to the school. He sent me to school in San Francisco with all these rich kids. So I was in all these rich houses and houses in, if people know San Francisco at Pacific Heights, is really nice. And so now it's like fucking 12 million dollar houses. And that's where we were hanging out. Parents would abandon them on the weekends. And we'd have run of these fucking houses, which is crazy. Like my buddy broke a 25,000 dollar vase. Like, let's get the fuck out of here. What the fuck are we gonna make us pay for? And we were in all these... I was like smoking some guys' Cubans on sitting in his chair. And I'm a kid from the inner sunset district who shouldn't be in all these places. But I think that's what lit a fire under my ass because... And I'm working for the... my mom eventually has this great rags to riches story where she was working at this company. And then she became an account rep. And then she became the head account rep. Then she became the vice president. Then she bought the company and quadrupled the company in size. And that's where I went to work for her. Even though I wanted to be a stand-up comic, I go to work for her. I am firing people for a living, which is a whole other fucking thing. And I really was forced into this very tough... My dad and my mom were very fucking brutal. Half Mexican, half Sicilian. I could have been up there and miserable, fucking with firing people nonstop and taking on other people's problems. Because that's what I did. If you have a business or you work somewhere, we'd employ everybody working there so you didn't have to deal with any of the headaches. But then I got all the headaches. So I've been chased. I had a guy who was a Taiwanese. He was sick. He was working in a doctor's office, but on the weekends we found out he was pretending he was the doctor. So he was seeing patients and working his own patients. But he was a physical therapist in an orthopedist's office. So I go in there, and I've been doing this a while. And again, I've been in so many awkward situations. Now I'm doing stand-up and I'm even in more awkward situations. And I just go up and I go, hey, Twan, you know, jig is up. I go, today's your last day. We found out what you're doing. He grabs me, puts me up against the wall. He gets one of those physical therapy sticks. You know, the big, like the pole that you just stretch with behind your back and stuff. And he has one of those cut in half. And he sticks it right up to my throat. And I'm cool. And so I go, Twan, I got two choices here. You're going to hit me with that stick. And I'm going to call the cops. And I'm going to press charges and you're going to go to jail. So I'm going to be pissed that you hit me with that fucking stick. Or you can take the final check that's in my breast pocket right here and walk away. What's it going to be? And I'm held up against the wall by my throat with the fucking stick in my face. And so I had some crazy situations. What did you say to him? You said the jig is up. I know you're not a real doctor. Yeah, I go, hey, how you doing? You shouldn't be here right now. We know your response. No, this is not true. You know, like in just like you barely spoke English. Yeah. He's a physical therapist. He's banging chicks too. I have no idea. I would like to be that way. Yeah, that's a better story. There's a way to heal you. It's too high. You're a cock. You're a cock. So I had Russian nurses running from me and just crazy stories. What were they trying to do to you? Well, this Russian nurse was in an allergist's office and she was giving wrong doses to the kids and stuff of shots. Oh, Jesus. So I had all my documentation like these yellow pads I go. There's, you can see right here, I'm 22 years old. You can see right here that she tries to grab it. Now it's a tug of war across a desk and I don't know what the fuck is going on. And she takes off and runs down a hallway and I'm 22 and I go shit. I fucking run down the hallway afterward and she goes into a patient room and then she locks the door and then I get the door open. I see somebody in the locker and she's in there and she's talking to her husband on the phone. She goes, Andrew, there is a man here who's telling me lies. He's telling me lies. And I didn't want to tell you this, but I am pregnant and I'm going to lose the baby because of this man. Oh my God. Yeah, totally. Freaking out. Oh my God. So I had to teach a bunch of Vietnamese people how to shit. There was one day I got a call. Wait. I got a call from this guy. What was the issue? Well, they were humongues. Okay. You know, humongues is like this. If you saw Gran Torino, that movie with Clint Eastwood. I think the H is silent. I think they just call them mongues. Yeah, they're right. The H-M-O-U-N-G. And then there are people without a land. Yeah. And then they all came to San Jose, California to work in assembly plants. So they're in this cable assembly plant called Cableco that was a big client of ours. And I got a call from this really cool guy. His name was Chip. Chip Bronk. And he goes, Al, you got to get down here. You're not going to fucking believe it. I got a situation. And I go, what is it? And he goes, better you see. And I go into the bathroom. Shit everywhere. What? Because they had never been used to toilets. So they were standing on the toilet seats. I found out that's what was going on. They all had fake names. Like, the name was Fook Lee, but you can call me Keith. Shit like that. So I was like, hey, Keith, Fook Lee, can you come here for a second? Can I talk about this? So where was the shit? Everywhere. Like on the ground? Yeah, they were missing. So the toilet seat is not meant to fucking hold you up. So they're waddling up there. So they were standing on the toilet seats. So they were just used to like shitting in holes? They were just shitting in holes. Oh my God. If they're lucky, you know, in the woods or whatever. Oh Jesus Christ. So if they're lucky, if they're not lucky, well, they'll hold them forever. So yeah, just backed up. It becomes a brick. Yeah. So anyway, I gathered everybody around. I just appointed a bathroom monitor. Oh my God, a bathroom monitor? So I had one of the guys who was a supervisor. I had a clipboard. I put a lock on the bathroom door. And then, so you become this corporate fixer. That's what I was doing. Wow. And I always wanted to do stand-up comedy. I love stand-up comedy. I grew up in the city, which is listening to comedians on the radio. And all the great comics. There was two comics who lived on my block. And so I loved- Who lived on your block? Mike Pritchard and Michael Meehan. Two great comics. Mike Pritchard won the first San Francisco comedy competition. And Rob Williams looked up to him. He was like, Rob Williams was his idol. And he was on my block. And you know, Monty Hoffman? Yeah. Monty Hoffman, I would be eight years old on my bike. And I would ride down the block. And Monty Hoffman and Mike Pritchard used to put their t-shirts over their heads. You know how you can do it. Like just the face pops out of the hole. And they used to pretend they were the California Raisin Guys. Yeah. I was like, these guys are hilarious. This is amazing. Thanks for watching.