Jessica Kirson on Meeting Robert De Niro

Like I remember the first time I ever met Anthony Bourdain. I said, my wife says you're my boyfriend. Oh my god. Was he like... He's like, what the fuck? Because my wife used to say, oh, you're watching your boyfriend on TV. She'd always joke around because I loved that No Reservation show. So I said that to him. It came out totally wrong. But that's, you know, he's a guy I like really admired and here he is. He's right there and you're all uncomfortable and weird. And so people are going to be like that with you. I bet he was so down to earth. Super normal. Yeah, he was great. So was De Niro. Like I worked with De Niro. What did you do with De Niro? Oh, Joe, this is the best story. I was at the cellar late at night and he was there with Taylor Hackford. He's a huge director, married to Helen Mirren. He was the head of the Directors Guild, directed Ray and Officer and a Gentleman, like a huge dramatic movie. It's huge. Wow. And De Niro was looking for comics to be in his movie and I was doing a set and I do this thing in my act where I turn around and talk to myself. My specials call talking to myself where I have an inner dialogue and I'm like, doesn't matter how this goes, you'll never make it. You know, like I have a whole, I put my back to the audience and he loved it. I went to Florida to do an old age community fucking Jewish show. Oh boy. Yeah. And that Saturday I get a call and it's Taylor Hackford and he's like, this is Taylor Hackford. And I'm like, okay. I had no idea who the hell he was. And he's like, Bob would like to meet with you on Wednesday. And I'm like, Bob who? I had no idea. I'm like, Bob the builder. I had no idea. And he's like, Bob De Niro. And I'm like, okay. So I'm like, I can make it. So I walk into the office and I walk in the room and he's sitting there and I was not starstruck. It was the weirdest thing because he looked like a, just a guy from off the street. Like he had jeans on and I don't know. I just, he was like a regular guy to me. And I sat with him for three hours and I hit it off with him. And to make a very long story short, I ended up being his right hand person in this movie. I had a producer credit. I was in his ear the whole time on a microphone. I taught him how to do stand up. He played a comic who had been doing it for 36 years in a movie called The Comedian. I ended up directing some of the scenes. What year was this? I mean, it might've been like six years ago, something like that. Why do I not know about this one? Oh, you got it. Yeah, it's, it's a, yeah, that's he and I. What year you got? Yeah, we became very close. Wow. I love him dearly. Self Orange Comedian gives tips to Robert De Niro. Yeah. He's an amazing person. He really is. That's cool. Go down to earth. You would think he has the biggest ego. He has no ego. You can't be that good. He doesn't. I mean, to be that as good as he is, you got to have a pretty strong mind. Yeah, he's not. And he, I think like that I never was starstruck with him. Like I didn't care. I just sat with him and was like, and we're still very close. And I, I love him. I really do. Like he just, he just doesn't give a shit. He's so, he's so funny. Like he, he has all these kids. He's like, he's just really amazing. He's really amazing. How many kids do you have? He has six kids. Wow. Yeah. Was one lady or a gang of chicks? No, a couple, a couple of different. A couple of different baby mamas? Yeah, we looked, talked about women to get like, he's fucking amazing. Yeah. He just got divorced. I know. When guys, the second time, the same woman. The same woman he got divorced from? Yeah. When guys are that old and they get divorced, I'm like, how bad must it be? Yeah. For the second time. When you're like, you want to be alone and you're 78 or whatever it is? Well, the guy, let me tell you something. He's hot. He works out every morning at five in the morning with a trainer. He's built, he has tattoos all over him. I mean, I used to sit in his trailer. He does? Yeah. He's tatted up. He's got muscle. Robert De Niro has tattoos all over the place? Yes. I know. His chest. Jamie, find these. Well, his arms. Does he have photos of them? There might be. I mean, he's got his makeup done. But hung out with Harvey Keitel. They were all in the movie. Harvey Keitel, Danny DeVito. And I used to go out to dinner with them and lunch with them every day. I would be starstruck for them and Harvey. Harvey was like, I want to take you to lunch. I want you to teach me how to do stand up. So I went to lunch with him. I'm like, I am not teaching every old actor now. But I said to Harvey, why did you, you know, you're a Jewish guy from New York. Why did you become a Marine? He goes, so I could kill people. That's what he said to me. Whoa. Yeah. He's a tough dude. I love that. And he know he doesn't give a shit. He's fucking a mate to Harvey Keitel is amazing. I love that. He's a tough. He what an actor. One little bitch ass tattoo. Yeah. But he has more than that. No, he has more than that. He's 100 years old in this movie. No. No, he is more than that. On the other arm. He does. He has more than that for sure. A lot of them like me. No, not like you. He doesn't have any tattoos. Wow. He must have got them. Yeah. Well, that looks really recently. Click on that Robert De Niro at the beach. No, he doesn't have them like you. That's three years ago. You crazy line bitch. No, you son. First of all, why are you lying about Robert De Niro? No, I'm not because they might have put more on him for the movie. I'm an idiot. Oh, okay. But he does have them. Okay. They're not real. No, he has one in that photo. Yeah. You got one little bitch ass tattoo. Look at that stupid little tiger crawling up his leg. No, but seriously, it was after he had makeup done. Maybe they put extra on him. I don't know. I don't know if they did. Yeah. How weird though? Did they appear in the movie, the tattoos? Maybe he got them removed. No, he did have more tattoos in the movie. He did. Maybe he got them removed. He did because he was playing younger. They painted his beard black. You know, he had a black mustache and black. He wasn't gray in the movie. He wanted to make him some degenerate type character. He was like in his 60s in the movie. But he was great and he has no, he's not stuck up or like, he's not egotistical. He's not what people would think he is. Well, he's a real artist. Amazing. I mean, if you want to do a film like Taxi Driver or Cape Fear or any of the transformative movies Raging Bull, I mean, he was literally the first actor to decide he's going to gain weight for a movie. Right. Right? Yeah. No one did that before him. He transformed his literal body. I mean, he was fucking shredded and then he became like really overweight for that movie, Raging Bull. I know. Want to hear the best story. The first day of filming was at a deli in Brooklyn and Taylor Hackford didn't even know that he like hired me to be his like right hand person. So DeNiro says, Jessica calls me and he's like, I want you to come to Brooklyn. Come to the filming today. I need you to punch up some jokes for me. I'm like, oh boy, does Taylor know I'm coming? He's like, I don't care. I just want you to show up and help me out. So I show up. He's in the middle. I get there a little late because of traffic. He's in the middle of doing a scene with Danny DeVito and Patty Lapone, who plays Danny DeVito's wife. Right. So I walk in. DeNiro runs up to me, goes, I need a joke for this line. So I give him a joke. So I go wait in the side and he says the line and Patty and Danny start hysterically laughing. So Taylor starts yelling, what the fuck is going on here? We got to get through this. Why are they laughing? So he goes, well, Jessica came in and gave me a joke. So he comes over and he starts yelling at me. This is the first day of filming because you can't just do this. You can't just come in here and screw up everything. DeNiro took his arm. He goes, if you ever talk to her like they start screaming, I'm like, what is happening? Where am I? I'm in filming with Robert DeNiro. I was just at the cellar doing a set. What is happening? He goes, don't you ever fucking talk to her like that again? I mean, that's set the tone for the next six months because he knew not to talk to me. And like he set the tone. Don't ever talk to her. And I'm just sitting there like eating a freaking ish. Where am I? What's happening? It was amazing. Oh, I was treated like gold after that. His temper is, yeah, you don't, I mean, when he yelled, my hair blew, like my hair blew back. Like a lion's roar. Yeah, you don't screw with him. What was Harvey Keitel like? So intense. I would imagine. So what you would think he is. And he would get enraged before a scene. He was a real Meisner actor. Really what you would think. Very charming attract. I mean, the three of them together. Can you imagine going to dinner with Danny DeVito, Harvey Keitel and De Niro? I mean, it was like unreal. That's incredible. And Leslie Mann was in it. So Judd was around a lot. I mean, it was fun. Wow. It was fun. Watch the entire episode for free only on Spotify.