How Bert Kreischer Became Joe Rogan's Friend

I remember going to your house, I always say this is one of my favorite stories. The way I met you is the last way you should meet Joe. I went up to your house, you were at the door already, and you were like, Hey man, I go, Hey man, big fan, I got to see the deprivation tank, your dog, and the pool table. Then we need to get high, and then I'm ready to do this. And you were like, caught off guard, you're like, Okay, you took me back, I met Johnny Cash, took me down to the deprivation tank. We played around a pool, went out to that back where the swing set and the chickens ended up being. Smoked a joint, red band showed up, changed my fucking life. You said, Hey man, you got to tell that machine story every time you get on stage. If you hadn't done that, I don't know what the fuck I'd be doing. You know that's what happened that first night, right? So I tell the machine story to your podcast, and you go, it's one of the best stories. It's one of the best stories I've ever told. You go, Ladies and gentlemen, you go, you tell that on stage? I go, No. You go, you got to start telling that on stage. Hey everybody, and you talk to the, you go, he is for now unknown as the machine. You yell the machine at every one of his shows until he tell, make him tell it on stage. So I go to Columbus the next week. I go do my first show Thursday, man, you know, like maybe 120 people not sold out. And they start chanting the machine. And I go, Hey guys, it's not a stage story. This dude in the front row, desk squad, rider died, desk squad, covered head of togas. Hey Burt, we understand it's not going to be funny, but you got to tell it if you're going to want it to be good. So go ahead, man. Come on guys. Right, right, right. And everyone started cheering. You can do it, Burt, you can do it. I told it, I told it at the bar, they're like, you know, we had to fake laugh a couple of times, but I think it's a good story. Cut from that to me and Tom doing our weight loss challenge, right? The first time we did our weight loss challenge and that machine story went viral that week. That week, that machine story went viral. The week you guys did, began the challenge or finished the challenge? The weigh-ins when he shaved my beard, the machine story went viral that fucking week. I say they go, they go, you know, I'm always saying I'm the luckiest dude in the world. I think I work hard, but I'm very, very, very lucky. I'm more lucky than anyone in the world, right? Just I stand by luck. But man, the luckiest I've ever been is making friends with, like I remember you telling me, I remember you coming out and saying, I was, I didn't want to make friends. You came out with the shit, we were at the ice house, we were doing desk squad chronicles. Came out with a shot and a beer. You say, hey, you're a good guy. I go, oh yeah, thanks. You're like, you know, we're all trying to be your friend, man. And I was like, no, I got it. I got it. And you're like, no, like, like, you just got to let us. And I was like, no, I understand. You're like, no, no, no. That means like, when we call you, call us back. And I went, yeah. And you're like, no, I don't think I understand what you're saying. You go, me, Joey, Ari, Tommy, we're all trying to be your friend, Burt. Well, we have to tell you, I don't want to throw anybody under the bus. So as I explained this, I'm going to be very careful. OK. The reason why we're saying that, because we know you had been friends with a tyrant. You were shell shocked. We're like, Burt, we're your real friends. We like you. We're not trying to tell you what to do or fucking scream at you or belittle you. We actually like you. We're going to bust your balls, but we bust everyone busts everyone's balls. That's half the fun. That is a fucking fun. I felt like you were like a beaten kid with Jesus Christ. We got to lighten this Chrysler guy up. I remember you guys call one Saturday. You go, what are you doing? I go, I'm on the treadmill. And you go, nah, come over to the ice house. And I said, I'm good. And I hung up, right? And then Tommy called me back and Tommy goes, hey, man, you got to let us try to be your friend. Fucking come to the ice house. Just come to the fucking ice house. And I went, and then I heard you on the get over here. And so I fucking went over to the ice house. We had a fucking blast, dude. Had a fucking blast.