Demi Lovato on Being Bullied as a Teenager

The perils of becoming famous when you're young are well known, right? No one is really... there's a small handful of people that have made it through unscathed. It's a weird way to grow up because everybody else grows up trying to prove their worth or trying to find their place in life and trying to get people to understand who they are. You grow up where basically most people who run into you know who you are before you knew who they are. And they're already kind of freaked out that you're there and they'll do anything for you. They want to see you and they want to see you perform. They just want to see you sing and talk. It's a very strange way to grow up. Right. Did you at any point in time have this feeling like hey maybe this isn't the best way to grow up? So I grew up in Texas, Dallas, Texas. I keep forgetting we're in Texas, Dallas. But I grew up, you know, I went to public school except for the one year that I home schooled on Barney and Friends. And I experienced bullying pretty bad while I was there and so I ended up leaving public school. And I went into a really depressive state for a period of time. I didn't you know when you're 12 and you're bullied that's your social life. Like your social life is everything to you. And so I felt like I didn't have much to look forward to anymore except for my music. And music kind of kept me alive. So it's not that like I ever looked at the industry as this kind of weird burden on my teenage years or whatever. Like yes it is weird in hindsight but I looked at it as it actually kind of saved my life at times because it gave me something to live for. And I knew that if I stayed in Texas that I wouldn't make it out alive. The bullying was that bad. Yeah the bullying was that bad. And they knew that you had been on television already so was that part of the reason why they were bullying you? So when I asked them like why are you guys so it all started with like I wrote a note you know you're in sixth seventh grade you're passing notes back and forth. And I called someone this other girl like called her annoying and said she was being a bitch right. And then that escalated to by the end of the day it was that like scene in the movie where you walk in the lunchroom and everyone just looks at you. Because the thing was is like the girls that I wrote that about were the popular girls. And so it just like anyone who wanted to be popular took their side and everyone just was like I don't know. So I had a concert that weekend on a military base and I went to like Vegas for the concert or something. And when I came back it just had increased. And so when I asked them like why are you guys doing this I wrote a note we all write notes in school were in seventh grade. That's what we do. And they were just like well you're a whore and you're fat. And so I internalized what they were saying. And that's what my eating disorder developed. And I couldn't I mean I wasn't a whore. I believe. Yeah. It is so crazy how children have this instinct to pile on to people like that though. It's bullying is it's more common than not. Right. Well and you have to understand is my generation was like the first with social media. So what I was really dealing with was the cyber bullying of everything. It wasn't I had wished that someone had tried to fight me because I'm a fighter. And so I would have thrown down but they were coming at me with words that scarred me emotionally for years to come and ended up you know scarring me for the rest of my life. And I kept saying to people who didn't understand cyber bullying like I wish that someone had just hit me and gotten it over with because at least I wouldn't have to live with those words that they said to me for years. And that's what was the hardest part was the emotional trauma of like of all of it and which made it hard to meet fans my age because I had just been bullied three years before by people my age. When I was meeting fans I was excited to meet them but at the same time I knew what they were capable of. So I had this weird like battle in my head every time I'd meet someone my age of like I'm so appreciative of you but I'm also terrified of what you're capable of. Wow. So you just had a wall up for any young kids that reminded you of the girls who bullied you. Which was my fan base at that time. And so that was always in my mind and and I actually never even told anybody that really because I didn't think it was important. I also felt guilty for feeling that way towards my fans. Did you discuss the bullying with anybody at the time. Oh yeah. I did. I discussed it with my mom. She took it. We went. I mean she came to the school and tried to tell them what was happening and they were like if it's cyber bullying we can't do anything about it. It didn't happen on school grounds. So no punishment really took place. And I mean they had a suicide petition that they passed around the school and tried to get people to sign it so that I would kill my like it. It gets gnarly and girls can be mean. Yeah. Middle school girls can be mean. And so I talked about it a lot and then I decided that was really my first taste of activism work was being an advocate for anti bullying. And I remember I like decided to start talking about it and I felt like I felt some purpose and all of a sudden my career wasn't about my talent anymore. Have you ever run into those girls. So I haven't run into them but I did make a phone call to like the main girl that bullied me because when I got sober a part of the program they teach you to on your ninth step as you make amends. And when you do your resentments or you make a list of resentments you write down everyone you've had a resentment against your entire life. At least this is the way I was brought through the steps and her name was on it. And when they had me go through what was my part and I was like well I put the name down that she was a bitch. So like I guess I did play a part in that. And when I looked at everything I was like you know I can't look back at that situation and say that I was innocent. So I went to own my part but a part of the step was calling and making amends. And so I called her and she was like oh my gosh I can't even believe you remember who I am and I was like that you ruined my life. Are you fucking kidding me. And I was told I just like sat there and was like cool I think this concludes the end of this phone call. I'm sorry and wish you well. But was she did you get past that did you talk to her like she was so thrown off that I even remembered who she was after becoming famous and a celebrity that like she wasn't interested in talking about what had happened when I was 12 or we were 12. What did she want to talk about. Like what's it like to be you. Like how are you. Like oh my god I miss you so much. I hope you're well. And I was just like God grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change. Isn't it. It's so strange. People that are not famous for some reason they think that people who are famous are not people. Yeah. You become a famous person. You're not a person. It's like you have like a shield around. You you you like all your emotional scars or all of your past. Right. For some reason that doesn't doesn't affect you. You're in a castle somewhere covered in gold. Right. Yeah. Yeah. They think that. Like that's probably how she felt when she was talking to you like how do you remember me like you're in a castle covered in gold. And so I'm hearing this thinking like I've I just got out of treatment for an eating disorder like you don't think I remember you. You were the first person to ever call me or not the first but you were the first mean girl to call me fat. Like of course I remember you. It was just wild but you know you look back at times like that and everybody like those were my teachers at that time. Like we all have teachers and people. And so even though I I used to present that person for many years I look at that time in my life and I'm like well I needed to learn those lessons then and is what it is. Can't change the past. It's a painful lesson. Yeah. That hangs with you for that long. But did you feel a large weight lifted off you after having that conversation with her? No. No. Felt the same way. No it actually it made me more upset because I was like how does someone who literally altered the course of my life not that I'm blaming her for my eating disorder. I would have probably developed one anyways because my mother had one and so I was I was looking at negative food behaviors and that's all I knew. And so when someone called me fat I knew exactly what it was. And I was like what did you know what I was going to do. Now like I said I don't blame her for it but I couldn't believe that she didn't think I remembered who she was after what she said made me decide to stop eating. But what I said earlier I just don't think that someone like her ever thinks that someone like you even has normal feelings. Yeah totally. And a lot of people still think that about celebrities. 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