Bryan Callen Wants to be a Mountain Man | Joe Rogan

Are you a shooter? Well dude, my ears are covered for the second time today. I'm just going to say that. And I'm a... Ask me if... Are you a shooter? That's funny. I'm a tactical shooter, bro. Are you an operator? I'm a tactical shooter. So you ever done... We went to Taron Tactical today and Brian Cowan learned the ins and outs. Learned how to lean forward, had some Navy SEAL instruction as well. How to hold a pistol correctly. I'm a white tailor. Yeah. How'd you feel? I love it. Fun, right? I've been doing it in my head forever. Oh, in your head. That doesn't really work. I've rehearsed killing a gang many times. A whole gang? Sure. Lean in. And I go like this. Why don't you shoot them in the knee and rehabilitate them? That's such a good idea. Because they don't have knee targets. If they had just a bunch of knees... But they have the little tiny targets on the ground. I hit... Which I don't like. Because I'm like, what am I shooting, babies? I was going to say, they're the size of a toddler. Yeah, that's weird. I'm like, alright, so I got to kill the toddler with one shot. A kid with a missile. Yeah, I was pretty accurate with that. That's kind of sick. But, yeah, that's a good idea. I could either waste them or wing them. I wing them and then... And then take them in and teach them the error of their ways. And at the end, they'll be loyal to you. I tossed them an herbal remedy, an herbal wrap. Like Steven Seagal had in that one movie where he was in a coma for like 10 years. Yes. And then he was kicking everybody's ass a couple days later. I don't care about anybody that says that shit was factual. Well, do you remember that movie? Very well. It's called Above the Law. No, no, no. You're way out of line. No, Above the Law was the first movie. This was deep into his career. He's in a coma. This is rock. He's a nurse. Yeah, he had already gotten fat by this time. Oh, he had. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where he ran terribly. He always runs terribly. But in the early movies, he was skinny. And Above the Law, he was skinny. But then by the time he got to this other movie where he's in a coma forever, like... Look at his fingers moving. He's waking up. Oh, look at him. He wasn't too fat. No. He wasn't too fat. He looks great there. But he'd already started to fill in his hair. And so then he was in a coma forever and then gets out of the coma and starts doing all sorts of Chinese herbs and shit to become a bad... I'll say he was pretty skinny back then. Yeah, he was. So this was early in the career. Yeah, he heals himself. I would throw them an herbal wrap and tell them how to wrap it and then say, training begins tomorrow at dawn. And then you wake them up. Yeah. They may have, fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. And I'd be on horseback for no reason. Really? You went horses. I think so. Why do you... Because there's something very masculine. How many bits do you have when you're on a horse? It's my entire act. It's my entire act. I just have this... There are a couple of things I want to do before I die. One is to toss somebody an herbal wrap and say, training begins tomorrow. Or be there tomorrow and I want to rehabilitate at-risk youth. But they're like 20. And then I want to rear up on a horse. I want to rear up on a horse. But I want to appear out of nowhere, rear up on a horse and rescue a group of women in the wilderness. A group of women in the wilderness? What are they in the wilderness for? They got lost. Were they hikers? They were... Their plane went down. Nobody got hurt, but it skidded along the glacial lake. Their plane went down. They said, we can't find them. It's impenetrable. It's impenetrable. And then you go... And they go, fuck. Fetch the... Fetch the... Fetch the man panther. The man panther. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my new thing. You should have... Do you know about this guy? His name is Dick Pronicky. And he was a guy who lived in Alaska by himself in a cabin that he built for decades. And he moved out there when he was 50 years old. He got tired of life and just the way everything was, the fast pace of modern life. So this guy decided... This guy... Amazing videos on YouTube. This guy built his own house out there in Alaska, fashioned it out of logs. There's like a video of him doing the whole thing, filmed everything. Wow. Filmed all of his interactions with animals. Humans would come and land on his hand and he would feed them. Really? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. He was you. He literally is you. Slit in wood. Stoic by himself and rote. You know me. Stoic and real solitary. Oh, yeah. And real measured with his words. Of course. And it's everything you want to be. And he would sit and every night he would write. And he would write about his experiences and the deep satisfaction that he got off of living that kind of a life. Right. Some amazing videos. I'll pull up one of the videos so you can watch how this guy's living his life out there. But he would only see people once or twice a year when they would drop off goods and things that he needed. But this guy, he wasn't a spring chicken. He moved out there when he was in his 50s. Wow. Yeah. And when was this? I want to say he had to move back with his brother, I want to say, in the early 2000s, somewhere around then. That looks like 16 millimeter film. Yeah. Oh, dude, he lived out there for decades, like I said. Yeah. By himself. You've got to know your shit. To be out there by yourself? Uh-huh. Well, I think most of it he learned once he got there and he talked about it. He talked about what the experience was like about just learning how fatiguing it is to hike. Oh, yeah. Learning how fatiguing it is to gather up your own firewood. And he made most of his own tools. Right there he's making a mallet himself. He drills a hole in it with a hand auger. And then he makes his own peg. And he only brought in tools to make tools. And the big tools like that, he made all of himself. That's amazing. And what did he live on? Just deer meat? I mean, yeah. Elk meat, deer meat, berries. He got some oatmeal and stuff, some dry goods that he would get in large barrels. So he'd come in and touch base periodically. They would come to him. People would fly out to him with goods. God. I mean, he built all this shit by himself. He built his whole cabin by himself. And he documented every step of the way. Amazing. His name is Preni... P-R-O-E-N-N-E-K-E. Dick Prenicky, Alone in the Wilderness is the whole series on YouTube. And he's on the side of a lake with this cabin that he built living off of animals that he hunted and firewood and whatever food that he gathered. I'm obsessed with this now. I got this Corona thing caught me with my pants down. Here's what I want. I want a substantial cabin made of thick logs or stone. And then I want it near a lake or a water source, preferably a well that I can irrigate my own crops. You're going to have crops? I'm going to have chicken. I need chickens. You really only need a garden. You don't need crops. It's just you. I need a garden. Is it just you? Yes. Several of my... Lady friends? My lady friends because I'm going to start my own colony so I have to breed. You understand? Okay. I need a lot of hair and beard dye because I want to stay looking young. What if they come up with something that reverses you in age? Now you're talking my language. How old would you like to go back to? David Sinclair will actually have a cabin on the side. He'd be right next to you doing experiments. I'm going to have his fucking lab and I'm going to be his guinea pig. Yeah, you'd be the guy. Yeah. David, come on out. He'd go... And I'll just do Tyson. Tyson with all the girls. He's not into that. He's a married man. Leave him alone. All right. But he'd like to come out just to hang out and pal around for a few days. He's a fun guy. He seems like a good guy. He's a great guy. Yeah. And he's brilliant. Yes. And he's brilliant in the field. That's very important. What do you mean? You're getting old. That's right. Yeah. That's right. You want to be Dick Prenicky where you had to escape your wilderness paradise? Again, again, again. Because you're too old? There are a couple of things. One more thing I want to do is I want to split with my shirt off while I have women watch me through the window of my log cabin as they're baking me a pie. And I know this is a chauvinistic fantasy. It sounds like it. Don't worry. You sound like a real piece of shit right now. And then the other thing I want to do before I die is I want to have a horse. I'm so attached to it that I can go... And then it just shows up. Oh. So? Sort of like Brad Pitt's Pitbull in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood? Correct. I'd kill for one of those. That Pitbull was perfect. That was fucking great. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.