Bert Kreischer on Being Sober for #SoberOctobert, Joe Quitting Weed

Hello freak bitches. Hello everybody I'm live here with super yogi Bert Kreischer, newly sober athlete, a resting heart rate of 47. 47? That's pretty crazy man. I called my cardiologist right after I talked to you guys. Am I dying? I literally was like hey Joe Rogan said I'm dying. And he was like first of all he's like I respect Joe Rogan but please don't listen to him about your blood pressure medicine. But I read some where the blood pressure medicine and anti-anxiety medicine lowers your heart rate. Yes those are beta blockers. I'm not on that. By the way I spiraled out and I couldn't get my heart rate up as I was spiraling. So I was like I'm freaking out normally my pulse would be through the roof. I called my doctor and he's like no you're healthy. He's like this is what we've been shooting for is you to stop drinking. So he's like let's just do what you're doing. He's like have a good time with it. But yeah my resting heart rate's low. I've never felt better in my fucking life to be dead serious with you. How many days in are you? 12 days right? We're 12 days in to say the 12th? I'm one day ahead of that because I quit the day before. I quit the day before because I listened to you guys and all the fucking armchair doctors who were like Burt you're going to die. You need to be medically induced into a coma. Well you were telling us that you were drinking six doubles a day. By the way I talk out of my ass when I'm drunk. I don't know how much I was really drinking because I was dead. I was definitely terrified. I was definitely terrified coming into the the the home stretch of getting sober. I was like I was like man am I am I gonna die. Like I literally said I talked to Dr. Drew about it. I was like hey can I like die and stuff. He was like well you can have seizures. But I stopped drinking. I didn't even have withdrawals. It just felt good the next day. That's amazing. That's what killed Amy Winehouse you know. I've googled all this shit. But I think Amy Winehouse was just over the top. You've got to be the second you wake up to the second you pass out drinking. And by the way there is on that Australian tour there were hints of that. Like there was not I was flying and performing every night and I drink on planes. I hadn't flown sober at that time. And so there was but I was I was I've always been very measured with my booze so I wasn't I wasn't going nuts. I was like how did you feel good when you're doing that. How did you feel when you're drinking and flying and you felt bad. I felt I actually felt really bad. And I think and I think we all tweeted this but I was like I was ready for this fucking month after that Australian tour. I was definitely ready. That's a great way to go into not drinking is fly to Australia do a tour for two weeks and then fly back. I was like fucking bring it dude. You know what man I don't drink that much but I feel way better too. It's weird. It's like I would have like maybe a shot before I go on stage some nights but some nights not. And then you know maybe someone go you want a beer. Yeah beer. They have one or two and then maybe I'd have a glass of wine with dinner. So you know on a regular Friday night I might have four drinks and now nothing for 12 days and no pot. I went off the pot too. No. Because Ari was giving me such a hard time. You can't even quit. Can't even quit. You're an addict. That's what the addict said. I was like all right. I told Tommy I was like I'm just going to quit and not tell them and then break it at the at the end of the month. Like it's easy. The pot's been easy but the dreams have been different. It is really interesting. When you don't smoke pot your dreams like wrap up makes me think like what. No honestly like just completely objectively. I mean like that can't be good to not be dreaming like right. Probably something happening. I was my first few days of not drinking. I couldn't get out of lucid dreaming. And I was I was having intense lucid dreams where I was well aware I was asleep. But I knew that if I could just I knew but I knew that I was dreaming. And I was like don't get out of this you're having fun. And so you have a dreaming has been intense. By the way the really my favorite thing is just sleeping good. Like I waking up at six in the morning and going like feel good. Oh that and man. And by the way and I know that you're like bird you like a fucking uber fan of podcasters. There's like a lot of people I have been introduced to through your podcast and like Bernie Shaw is one of my favorite people. I love that guy. He's awesome. And he gets coffee all the time. Now I look at that that gives me panic when I see him get a coffee for the past year. I've been like dude how the fuck is he doing that. What do you mean. When I drink I can't drink coffee because I start shaking. I get way too blood sugary like. Really? Yeah. Just regular coffee or. I haven't had coffee. I haven't had like a cup of coffee in probably like maybe like eight months. Now what is it about coffee. Is it do you put some in coffee. No it's just coffee. Just black coffee. It's like yeah because it's my blood sugars low from drinking. I didn't sleep well. I have a cup of coffee and it just would and then I would be like how does Brendan take naps in the middle of the day. Like I couldn't understand it. Dude I enjoy getting up and going to Starbucks and getting a coffee more than I ever enjoyed going to a bar. Really? It is I get up and I feel like I'm part of the community. I like say hi to people. We landed from that first sober flight I took and I know that I'm going to sound like a child. When we landed it was me and Brendan Walsh who was on my flight and he was like. Just randomly? He randomly was on my flight. I talked to him through text the night before and I was like dude I'll see you on the plane. We got to LAX and he was like yeah I'm hitting up sober October with you. I'm not going to drink either and I was like awesome man. Really? Yeah. I said this and I've never said this. I go hey do you want to get a cup of coffee? And he was like sure. We both got coffees at like 10 in the morning at the airport and I was like oh I got a whole day ahead of me. Like I got coffee in me? Dude I had the funnest Sunday I've ever had that when I got home that night I was like I won't be able to sleep about a cup of coffee. I want to sleep. Are you worried that this is like right now you're in this really great place right? You're healthy, you're feeling good, you're sleeping good. But are you thinking that this is just a vacation from your other life or are you changing your life? My therapist when this started he said do not do this challenge. I think it's a really bad idea. And I was like really? He goes yeah. What kind of asshole therapist do you have? I've heard this like Christina was mad at him yesterday. At my therapist? Yeah. What in the fuck is this therapist telling him to? Because she's got a good therapist that she really likes but I just don't. Maybe your therapist doesn't trust you? No he said. He said to me at one point. He goes so how are you feeling? I said good I'm not having like any epiphany. I wish I had an epiphany. But I don't have an epiphany. I'm just enjoying it. I'm really having a good time. I was like I don't know how I'm going to get back into drinking. He's like that's why you shouldn't have done this. If you want to quit drinking you should have just done it for yourself. You shouldn't have done it at a spite for Tom, Ari and Joe. Yeah but it's not spite. It's a fun little challenge. Look I don't want to do 15 fucking yoga classes in a month. I'm loving yoga. But we're doing it. It's great. I really want to have an obligation to have to do three a week. Yeah. You do it? You're enjoying it? Dude I can only work in those parameters. I can only work to the extremes. Like when we said no pot, no booze I was like I'm cool because I'm not going to smoke pot if I'm not drinking booze. I'm a teetotaler. Like I take things to an extreme because that's the way I can help compartmentalize things. But I think my question was like at the end of this month when November 1st rolls around are you going to just go get fucked up? Well obviously yeah. I'm going to be with Ari in New Orleans. What are you guys doing in New Orleans? We're doing the impractical. I'm going to cruise November 1st with Ari, Big J, Tony, Hinchcliffe, Sarah, Tegana. Like we're all going to be on the cruise with the impractical jokers. Those impractical jokers guys are killing it. Dude they did the Greek. I saw 6,000 people. Fucking insane. And I would love to have sat in the front row where they sat me and shit on their show. But I can't man. I would love as a comic to be like I'm better than this. The men they forget up there and they have such great chemistry and they're showing like inside clips. It's just a multimedia event. Oh so it's not like stand up. It's like a bunch of different stuff that they do. Like they show like pranks they play on people? No they don't show they show more pictures from like their childhood or like things that because they've known each other forever. Some when they were younger they tell stories about them traveling together. It actually is really a great show. Like imagine if me and Ari and Tom did a show at the store and we talked about Sober October. Tom and I would have a bunch of stuff very quickly that we could talk about our hot yoga classes and Ari and all our texts. Like one of my favorite things ever is when the eve of Sober October Ari fucking puts, Ari's such a cunt. He puts out all our texts privately behind that we haven't been sharing with you on Instagram. And Tom goes tell me that isn't giving you panic right now. Because I don't know what I've said. Like we've all been like Joe's not quitting weed and then Ari managed this coup d'etat against you for Pray for Joe. Ari look I know Ari gets a lot of shit online and everyone's fucking with Ari but I will tell you this has been exponentially fun because of his involvement because this is right in his little swing zone. When you said I'm not quitting weed Ari then branched off to me and Tom he's like gentlemen get ready for the assault on Joe. And both Tom and I are like I don't think that's a good idea. And Ari's like no it's happening. I want you to get your comments ready. I want them to send in we're going to workshop each other's comments. I want you to be the first comments on this video that I post on this thing saying Joe's not taking part in Sober October. So we're all sending out Tom. I love Tom to death. He's such a cuck. His first draft Ari's like this will not be working. It's too pleasant to Joe. We're going to, Bert and I will rewrite this for you. Well Ari has been, I think he's handling this the least. He's struggling. He's saying this is harder for me than any of you. I think he's being serious. I think he likes the marijuana for self medication. He does and you know he has set his life up and I think if anyone looks at Ari from the outside in he's setting his life up for him. He's got his he's got a nice piece of cake. Great apartment in East Village. He's got all his friends. They all go out every night. He's got you know he's and he's one of the funnest guys if you ever go to New York to just call him up and go what's the plan for today. He's like I don't know let's get lost. Let's go find some lobster somewhere. But he's taking it seriously. He got mad the other day when I was fucking with him and I sent that text saying that I listened to your podcast Ari and it seems you haven't been doing all the poses. But good news is there's still plenty of days in the month to make up for this 15 different hot yoga classes and he took it seriously and got fucking Superman. That struck panic in me. If you had told me hey Burt those ones don't count but you can start over you still have 15 days I would have been like fuck off. Dude I was only fucking with them and then my second I had to a two wing attack. That was the first level and the second level was like look just go to classes and whatever are things that you didn't do from the other classes you can just redo them on the honor system. We don't have to do the whole class. Just stand around like I was totally fucking with him but he took it seriously. He's also by himself in this I feel like he's in New York. Yeah. So like well text messages are weird man. It's not a good way to fuck with people because you know you look at it is this motherfucker serious. Yeah. You like look at it and go no listen asshole we're all professional comedians and you're the rudest one out of all of us. He said he hoped you Ralphied. Oh yeah. Yeah. And then I didn't understand the context I go I hope you're Ralphie too. Like and he was like no I hope you're Ralphie and I was like oh you want me to die. Yeah what the fuck. Oh fuck Ari. He has been he is the most flame throwing burn the bridge down kind of guy. It's awesome. Yeah. He's hilarious. But I think that one of the things that stinks and I wish this had been part of the bet I wish it had stayed in. I wish he had you had gotten him that yellow Corvette. And I wish that he had stayed in L.A. this entire month and been able to be a part of it because there is a communal. Yeah. Like when like today you're like hey podcast at 130 you want to go to yoga at 1030. I was like fuck I had a meeting at 10. But I would have loved that. Yeah. And like I love Tom will text me and go like this and this is it's the fun littleness of this competition is like Tom's like hey I can only go to 430. Are you going to 1230? And I'm like yeah. And then Tom will be like well Burt's a no show. I'm like asshole. Everyone look at the distillery, the donut factories. The video was hilarious. Check all the hamburger joints. He is. He is. By the way we have. Everyone's having fun fucking with each other but honestly I think Ari's taking it seriously. Like all that pray for Joe, Joe's a weed addict. Didn't bother me. I thought it was funny. I was laughing. I reposted a lot of it. Oh that was that was the biggest. Dude I went on stage in DC that first night and people were like we should take a moment of silence and I was like yeah let's take a moment of silence. Everyone bowed their head and we prayed for you. It was so much fucking fun. Meanwhile it's been like not smoking weed for 11 days is one of the fucking easiest things I've ever done in my life. It's not hard at all. I just don't smoke pot. It's not like wow how will I go on. I've been having some great sets. Sets have been fun. I've done probably in the 12 nights I've probably done like nine eight and eight or nine sets. Those are the most sets I've done no weed ever. Really. Yeah like since I started smoking pot like 20 years ago. For real. I did I did spots at the store the other night and I had great sets stone sober. And you know what's so funny is I have a lot of apologies to issue on this podcast. There's a lot of things that I said when we were drinking that I then did and went oh I guess I was a little wrong about that. Like what. Like number one is I don't drink on stage. Like I didn't realize that there's a difference between not drinking on stage and having a drink with you on stage. There's a little bit of a comfort level knowing I can kill this drink and I don't have to deal with this. Like and that first night that Saturday night I went on with no booze for both shows and on that late show I was like oh I could use a cocktail and I definitely drink on stage. I was like I wouldn't mind a cocktail right now. So you were thinking before that you didn't drink on stage? I say I go and then the truth is I don't mind performing sober I enjoy it. But I would say like if you had said so do you get drunk on stage? I'm like no never. But I definitely bring drinks on stage with me. Right but like if you had a breathalyzer test like if being on stage was driving would you get arrested? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah like I definitely get both point eight. So you drink on stage. Yeah I definitely drink on stage. That's number one apology issued. Number two is a treadmill is not real running. No I told you. Dude you gotta come do my course. Do the course I do with me. It's fucking ruthless. Running hills that's where it's at man. Dude let's just say I didn't really like I run on the treadmill all the time and I can easily run under a ten minute mile. I go on the road and my first set of miles was like twelve minute miles and I was in pain. And I was like whoa this is not the same. And then I got to a ten minute mile I was like that feels like a fucking sprint. But you know you can get do we show you those treadmills that are like running? They're really expensive. Yeah. I thought about getting one but so what I do now is I'm doing. Maybe we got some sort of deal with them. Who are they Jamie? Some sponsors. Go to Rogue. Rogue athletics. They're the guys who made the reverse hyper machine that we have in the back and I'm actually. It's called Trueform. Yeah pull the shit out so we can see what it looks like. But this thing is different because you're actually pushing your own body weight. There's no machine behind it. It's just got friction to it and it's got like a slope and you run up on it and it really is like the closest thing to running. I still think actual running is better but that is a very close second according to wow five thousand bucks. They're really expensive. Trueform hit me up. Wow why is it so expensive? They hit you up? They're saying hey Trueform hit me up. Yeah hey Trueform we'll fucking do a free ad for you. We're doing a free ad for you right now you fucks. I don't know who can afford that. That's a lot of money. Well some people can. You know I mean for sure some people would be willing. If you had to have one piece of equipment in your house you know and you budgeted it out five thousand bucks it's probably worth it if you could actually use it and get in great shape with it. But I really feel like the best way to do it is just go outside. I mean I think like especially if you can go somewhere where there's like a dirt trail and like a lake to look at it makes it more interesting. It's been one of the cool things about not drinking and getting out and doing road work is my wife calls it source energy of like getting out there and going like oh it's fucking beautiful. Life is really beautiful. Yeah. I go to the park that like where Joe used to live right by this park. I used to go there all the time and see Joey and I go to this park once every morning we go my wife will walk it and I run it and I'm loving it. So what I'm doing is I'm doing road work probably three times a week and then twice a week I get on the treadmill just because I'm terrified of injury and then not being able to run. So I'm trying to run five days a week. What are you worried about like planter or something? You had that for a while didn't you? I have planter fasciitis and it's terrifying. That shin splints in my fears. Where do you get it? You get it in the middle of your foot? Like where are you getting that? Like if this is your foot like right towards the heel. Oh yeah? And then sometimes it will happen inside the heel and you'll feel it like when your heel touches the ground it feels like glass. When you first started doing yoga are you noticing were you noticing rather that your foot was like unstable and that like it hurts your feet to try to balance on one foot and do the poses? I did not notice that per se. I did notice that. What I noticed in the one thing that is that is the reason I will continue doing hot yoga or yoga in general maybe but probably hot yoga is I like the sweat is my feet are stronger. Yeah. Like a lot stronger. Like I was going to say to Bobby Kelly I was going to text him and go hey man you should start going to hot yoga because he has the same problem with planter fasciitis that I do and go it really has strengthened my feet and when I run now I have no pain in my feet. Yeah it makes a big difference. Is Bobby still heavy? Yeah he's going on a diet. I was going to say to Skurra we should fat shame him and get him healthy. Yeah I'm not that close to them. I can't fuck with them I can fuck with you guys. You got to know who you can fuck with and who is going to take it seriously. I feel like I can't fuck with Ari anymore. Like he takes it seriously. He just needs to get over the hump of hot yoga. He needs to get high. Yeah. He needs a little weed and a hug. He might need a little weed. We love you Ari. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.