Artie Lange Accidentally Robbed a Bank Once | Joe Rogan

What was the longest you went before this nine-month stretch? It feels like the last time I had nine months clean I was nine months old. No, I, I, I'm gonna, okay, in the, in the late nineties, I came out of LA County jail. Well, again, the first time I got arrested for, I got arrested for attempted bank robbery when I was 17 years old. I wrote a bank teller a joke note that said I have a gun and I went to jail and I got probation. I asked this teller for $50,000. Whoa. And, and she started to give me the money and she put, she, she hit the silent alarm. I was with my girlfriend at the time. I was 17. She was 18. So a SWAT team showed up to our house. We just left and what you had the money. I didn't take the money. She started to give me the money. She started to give me the money. But again, this is my fucked up personality flow. I was like, wow, I'm going to get 50 G's, you know, and she started to give it to me. But then something said, I can't do this. I took the note I gave her and I crumpled it up. I said, I'm just kidding. And I threw it in a garbage can I get in my girlfriend's car and she drives away. She goes, what happened there? I didn't even tell her. I go out and that's not, it's bullshit. They had her name because she had an account. She's an adult. Oh, Jesus. And a SWAT team shows up at her house. So we both get arrested. We're handcuffed and I go to jail. She I say her old man, I think was connected. It was like a mob guy. And he sat me down and he goes, when you rob a bank, you no take my daughter. He didn't have a problem robbing a bank. He had a problem that I took his daughter. You don't take women when you rob a bank. And I go, I go, I wasn't trying to rob a bank. He goes, no, he goes, I know you. You're a craze. You're a craze. And he was right. But but again, I just loved the the the action. Yeah. That's why I love gambling. So I go out to L.A. I get mad TV now making 10 grand a week. And I got a bad cocaine problem. And I started gambling the first Tyson Holyfield fight. I lost twenty five thousand dollars. I thought Tyson was going to fucking kill him. And Quincy Jones, who produced mad TV, got us ringside seats at the at the at the fight. And I lose twenty five grand on a fight. Another eight grand at the tables. I get blow. I take it on a plane back to L.A. at one o'clock in the morning. I take a swing at a cop and I go to L.A. County Jail for trying to assault the cop. And he found an eight ball. OK, so I had an eight ball of co-comy. I take a swing at a cop. And that's my last day at at man TV. Oh, Jesus. I use this. This is nineteen ninety six right after we did that sketch at me at the. Yeah, which is like ninety five. I think that was ninety six. It was ninety six. It was ninety six. It was the second season. OK, which is funny to watch because it's so fucking long ago. Kids about about a month after that we did we taped that sketch. I got arrested. Wow. And so I go to L.A. County. I come out of L.A. County. I'm on probation and I got to take urine tests and everything. So I got clean. So to answer your question, I had almost a year clean at that point. And then after that, it was off to the races again. So nine months is the second longest I've had clean since I'm eleven years old.