Andrew Santino: Bert Kreischer Looks Like Florida If it Was a Person

How many people you think live in Boulder, Colorado? 100 sounds low. Boulder's pretty big. Really? The school is there and the school alone has gotta be 70K. What? 107,000. 107. All right. Yeah. But that school's gotta take up the high majority of that population. Doesn't that school massive? That school's fucking huge. I mean. 50, 60,000 kids? That's the most for like any school really. Like Ohio State or Texas is like 50, 60. Yeah. But isn't Boulder big like that? College towns are strange, right? Young people and then the old people who like staying near the university. Dude people used to complain when I was in Arizona State. People would bitch constantly about us throwing house parties. Like where do you fucking think? This school's been around since 1896. Yeah and they used to be in those parties. These fuckers. Yeah so stop, so either fucking come over and get high with us or move. Yeah you gotta move. You gotta move, dude. It's not my, the school's been there. When somebody moves to a school area and they complain, well you know what they did about Westwood, UCLA. That whole thing is fucked up. What? That's why there's no college town there because those community organizers basically made it almost impossible for young and new businesses to open up that would be supportive of like bars or restaurant culture. They keep shutting it down because these old rich people in Westwood don't want that there. They want it to be a neighborhood. They fight UCLA tooth and nail to make sure that it's like, no make the kids go fucking live in Culver City or something. It's bullshit, it's bullshit. Is it though? Yeah that's why that. What if your house is out there? You wouldn't be thinking it's bullshit. I wouldn't move to a place where a college is, I wouldn't move a block from a fucking major university. When I was in Boulder, I was driving down the street and I saw a fraternity house and I said, imagine you're in a Zac Efron movie and you live right next door to these fucks. Fuck that. That's like a Zac Efron Seth Rogen movie. What is it called, Neighbors? Something like that. Yeah but do you know better? That's what I mean. You know where you're moving. You know where you move. If you move next to a major school, it's your fault. I wonder if it's really cheap to live next to a fraternity. Of course it is. What do you mean? It's got to be. Because it's a house. Yeah. Is there anything that fucks with your real estate value more than a fraternity? Sorority is like, I bet they're loud, but they're probably not gonna be lighting anything on fire. No because they go to the guy's house. They go to the frat to fuck shit up. Well also, the dudes are the ones with the problems in terms of like violence and explosions and chaos. Drunk men, they're way scarier than drunk women. Drunk women just cry. They scream. They tell bitches they're gonna cut them. They might pull hair and punch each other, but it's nothing. There's not bombs going off. Drunk men are shooting guns and lighting cars on fire. They're doing dumb things. Drunk men are fucking dangerous. But that's what you're supposed to do when you're that age. Whereas you're supposed to do dumb shit when you first start getting drunk. And you're also supposed to realize how dumb it is that you're living in the house with these fucking savage men. And you're like, I gotta grow up. And then by the time those three years or four years are done and you're out, you're like, enough, I'm gonna be a different person. I'm trying to know when you're gonna be. I'm gonna live alone. I'm gonna be a venture capitalist. I'm gonna be an angel investor. But two of those guys, two of those guys still wanna keep that party moving. Yes, that's Bert Kreischer. He became a fucking comedian. Dude, literally. Yeah, they just can't get out of that. That's literally Bert. Bert was in school for 100 years. Yeah. I mean, how long did he stay in college? Seven. Seven, I mean. Seven years. And he never graduated. Or he did. Never graduated. I don't know if he did or not. Does he have a degree? I think he did, I think he did. I guarantee you he bribed somebody. It's gotta be in hotel management. That's fatality. If he has one, I bet you that's what it is. Imagine if he did spend all those years on school tuition. What a waste. So much, but isn't his parenting, he comes from money, right? He'd watch. What is the top part here? He had a degree in hospitality. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You nailed it. I swore to God in my life, I did not know that, but I just knew it in my bones. I knew it in my bones. Oh my God. I had friends that did that. One buddy did agriculture. Oh my God. Yeah, but agriculture's real, we need food. He had nothing to do with it. It was just a thing to do because he didn't know what the fuck he wanted to do. Dude, that's so funny. How much did that cost to get a degree in hospitality that he'll never use? What do you gotta say? How much a year is FSU? Look, he's got an amazing career in standup comedy and I'm sure his experiences in the university probably did something to enhance his perspective that would help him on stage as a standup. Well, they made a fucking movie out of it. Yeah, they didn't give him any money from that movie. No, because the story was borrowed. They twisted it, but it was all based on Burt Kreischer, that Van Wilder movie based on Burt Kreischer. Yeah, since he was an English major for six years. And then he's like, it's too fucking hard. I can't speak no English. I speak Florida. I'm the machine. Yeah, he looks exactly like what I, if Florida was a person, it'd be Burt. Florida was a human embodiment, it'd be fucking Burt Kreischer. Yeah, with like a weird hat on. Yeah. Yeah, well. No shirt. No shirt, baseball hat. Not even a baseball hat, you know? Like one of them weird. Fadoras. Yeah, kind of like a half-assed fedora. Yeah, right. You know? But no shirt on. No shirt. And flip flops. That's Florida. He gave me a pair of his own flip flops. He's got a company that makes flip flops now. Burt does? Burt does. What do they call? They're right here. I got it. That's insane. Burt, Burt investing in a flip flop company is, and it's a company that pre-existed and then he bought into it or he started it. I don't know, yeah, he's made. Oh, I did squats yesterday. That hurt. So it says Burt Kreischer Free Waters. Free Water, that's the name of these. That's the company, I guess. They're a very solid flip flop though. Thumbs up. Yeah. Yeah, if you're into flip flops, these are great. Yeah.