African Dust Storms, The Mayan Calendar, and Doomsday Predictions w/Kyle Dunnigan


4 years ago



Kyle Dunnigan

3 appearances

Kyle Dunnigan is a standup comedian, podcaster, actor, and the co-creator of "Fresh Prez of DC," a satirical comedy series on YouTube. He is also host of "The Kyle Dunnigan Show".


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But the problem is there's no balance. Because it's almost all the stuff that they're angry about. Because that's what they want to text and tweet and Facebook about. And very little of the stuff. Like what's the ratio of like really cool stories. Like that make you feel good. To like another horror in the news. What's the ratio? 90 something to one. 90 something to one. There's a new one. There's a cloud of dust that's coming from Africa. Across the fucking ocean. It's gonna wipe us out. Really? This year is like the devil scripted this. What does this do? What does this do? Dust. I don't know man. I didn't know dust could fly that far. All the way across the ocean. Isn't that crazy? Where is it right now? Like now this is something I gotta... We're at Defcon 5 or some shit. What happens? I don't know. I just read it. I was like oh my god. And they said Yellowstone's ready to blow. That scares me the most. The most. The most. We're pretending. We're over here pretending. This is all permanent. It happens a few times a year. Does it really? It's fairly common. But what does it do? Oh, is this blowing out a proportion for the news? I think just the headline sounds crazy. Headline sounds terrible. The one I found says it's a silver lining so it's actually kind of maybe a good thing. Signifies a dry, very dry layer in the atmosphere. And hurricanes don't like dry air. So we protect the hurricanes. Oh, well that's good. Oh see, we jumped the gun. That sounds like a great story. How about that? How about hurricanes? How about the fact that every fucking year the sky becomes a monster and eats people? Fucking throws cars through the air and shit. Every year it happens. And it's getting worse, right? And the fire's getting worse, right? They say that. And it makes sense that it's getting worse. And this is not an excuse for the carbon emissions. This makes it sound way worse. What is it? Oh my god. An enormous cloud of dust from Africa. Sahara appears to be heading for Texas. Louisiana and Florida. It's like it's a missile. I'm gonna show a dust storm but like taking over a city. Oh my god, is that really what it was like? I don't think so. I mean that's not what the other article I just read. Show that video though. What does it say? Massive dust storm turns the sky red in Sinh Dines capital. Somewhere way far away. Oh my god, man. Look at that. That was in Mission Impossible 4, I think. Was it? Yeah, it was on that sky rise. He got caught in the dust storm? And it was coming, yeah. Dude, imagine living there and seeing that coming. And you're like, oh my god, I'm gonna be breathing dirt for the next hour. Like how long does it last? How long does a dust storm last? Do you imagine living there, man? You gotta go to the grocery store and you're literally walking through a dust storm. So you dressed like one of them dudes from the Lord of the Rings. Right, right. You should just fucking scarfs across your face. Like no, the guys in Star Wars, what are they called? No, the ones who lived like in the dirt and the sand people. Sand people, yeah. I don't think that was their name. There's also the little ones. You remember the little ones? Yeah, there was a bunch of them. Those were the, ah, damn it. But those sand people. No, Ewoks were the fluffy ones. But who were the sand people? The tough generators. Yeah, maybe that's it. Yeah, tough generators. I think that's it. They're called Jawas. They're called Jawas. Are they? It sounds right. I believe you. Jawah. I believe you. I think we should do a whole podcast of things we kind of know about. Because stuff we're already doing. We're already doing it. I don't think, man, I mean, look, there's no way that the weather just stays the same. It doesn't stay the same. It's never stayed the same. It doesn't. But we have to listen to climatologists. 100%. Yeah, 100%. I don't know why it drives me nuts, but I just... But this is my point of view, legitimately. We have a bigger concern. One of the bigger concerns is we're not prepared if anything goes sideways. And that's what we're finding from this COVID thing. We're not really prepared if things go sideways. Yeah. And we definitely should be protecting against the human impact on the climate change. It's real. We really have fucked up the Earth. However, even if we didn't fuck it up, this place is so unstable. Even if it wasn't us, the asteroids, the hurricanes that just exist and have always existed, earthquakes. We just don't live long enough to see enough of these to be scared of them. Yeah. Because our lives are so fucking short. And the life of the Earth is so long that all these tectonic plates, like when we go to a mountain, like, wow, that's really pretty. Look what happened. It's alive! That thing's moving right now. There's lava under it. If you saw like 10,000 years a second, you would just see the whole Earth. Just boom, boom, and roar. Oceans come in and out. And it's constantly doing that. It's always done that. We definitely should stop fucking up the world that we're living in, the world that we exist in. But even if we didn't, this is so dangerous. This whole place is covered with predators. We are just super lucky we killed most of them off and boxed ourselves away. And some people forgot. Except for those pigs. Except for those pigs. We got to figure out that astro. We're not looking at enough of the sky. I think we're looking at 3%. Dude, and you get different answers from different folks when you ask them how long it would take before they could deflect something. Oh, forget. Well, it is- I think Neil deGrasse Tyson, what did he say? 10 years? Do you remember? You got to figure out how you're going to do it. Jesus, Louise, bro. Yeah. Jesus, Louise. If it's too big, there's nothing you can do. I mean, if it's too big, there's nothing you can do. But I don't know. We could get a just- You have one week to live. Just could come on the news today. We just saw this asteroid. Oh, yeah. They said the mine calendar is supposed to technically end next week. Oh, Jesus Christ! That thing always comes up though, and it's never anything. You know what it shocks me is when you have the leader of a cult, and they have doomsday, and they have the date and the time. They all go outside, and they sing, and it doesn't happen. And then that guy convinces them to stay, and he goes, no, it's a different day. Yes. And they all just- It was a guy who was taking out billboards. There was a billboard in Woodland Hills on Ventura Boulevard, and it had this fucking billboard, and he had a bunch of them all over the place. But they had this billboard that showed the very day the earth was going to end. It was like it had a date on it. Do you remember it? I want to say it was somewhere around April or May. Scientists says reading mine calendar predicts end of the world this week. Oh, okay. Whatever. That's horseshoe. That's a New York Post. I was listening a little bit. The post is trolling you, son. I like that we listen to people who just put leeches on people to cure them. Yeah, according to the sun, actually. You know what, man? They did have a weird culture. The mines had a weird culture. I don't know much about it. I know the temple, and they didn't kill virgins. I don't think they killed- Well, who knows? This is great. I don't know about this topic. I don't know if they really know what exact people they killed. They killed a lot of people. But what's really interesting is how beautiful their structures were. Like these amazing structures. I thought one of- Their pyramid, like those big steps. I thought one of them was for murder for their crops. They've speculated that there were certain platforms that they would do sacrifices on. The Aztecs did, I think, the most sacrifices in one day. Or it was like a couple of days. They killed somewhere around, I want to say more than 80,000 people. They sacrificed. Wow. Yeah. When they completed one of the temples. How do you kill that kind of people? I thought they buried them or something. They just killed them one after another. That takes a long time. The victims of human sacrifice by Mexico's ancient Mayans who threw children into water-filled caverns were likely boys and young men, not virgin girls as previously believed. So wow. They would human sacrifice by throwing children into water-filled caverns. I could see how they could help though, your crop. Can you imagine that though? Like you believe in superstition so much, you want to drown a kid so that the crops come back. That's a sign you, people feeling out of control, they don't know the answers to something, they can't figure out. But how crazy are the people in almost all religions, especially the ancient ones, they lean towards these really ridiculous things like that. Who's sacrificed? First brings that up. What if we do this? Killer kids. Yeah. Make a sacri-like cane enable, right? And if your God wanted that, your God wanted you to kill your children. That's a horrible God that you're- Or how about your God tells you to kill somebody when you're about to? He says, no, stop. I was just testing you. That's a fucked up story. I mean, that is, people act like that's a normal story. That's the God that makes the universe, told you to murder somebody and since you said yes, you did the right thing by saying yes because you have to trust God even if God tells you something that you can't imagine is real. Right, even if you've known your gut, it's wrong to murder your kid. You have to murder your kid because God's telling you to and you're about to, you're like, okay, good. I was just checking, bro. I like you now. I was just checking, bro. That's the biggest bully asshole. Metzger is actually a religious genius. Yeah. He knows a lot about religion and he was explaining to me the story of, he gave me a much better understanding of the story where I think his name is Elisha. These kids were yelling at him and they called him Baldhead, who's a bald guy. And so he asked God to sick a she-bear on the kids and it killed like 40 kids. A she-bear. I wish I could remember exactly what Metzger, how he explained it to me, but it was the insult was much worse than just calling him Baldhead. You just have to put it into perspective with the time, like the way he was saying it to him was much worse than we would imagine the term would be. We're looking at it in terms of modern language, but I'm like, still, the guy said God sicked a bear on these fucking kids. I think Metzger was saying that it might have meant that they actually were trying to kill the man. Yeah, from there, Elisha went to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jitted him, get out here, Baldy. They said, get out of here, Baldy. He turned around and looked at the, okay, the curse. I think that's a real weird translation. I don't think that's the best translation. The way I've heard it before is not written exactly that way. They have more than one translation. Yeah, yeah, tons of translations. He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them. In the name of the Lord, the two bears came out of the woods and mauled 42 of the boys. I got a bear story. It seemed when I heard it before, God, maybe I'm wrong, but it felt like it was, in the ancient way of saying it. And that was what Metzger explained to me. See if there's finally another, there's another way of putting the words together that Metzger was saying, no, they were going to kill him. This is a version that has like tons of translations of it. Holy shit. There's lots of versions. Unless they were trying to kill the guy, maybe we're looking at it wrong and they were actually trying to kill the guy. And I think that's one of the things that Metzger was trying to say. Like they were threatening violence to the guy. He sent a bear. I think two bears. Didn't it say two bears? Yeah. It just says two female bears, two she bears. Dude. I was going to call dude a baldy. He's six bears on you.