A Taint Misbehavin' Moment - JRE Toons

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Tom Segura

42 appearances

Tom Segura is a stand-up comic, actor, podcaster, and author. He co-hosts two podcasts, "Your Mom's House," with his wife, comic Christina Pazsitsky, and "Two Bears, One Cave," with comic Bert Kreischer. He's also the host of his own podcast, "Tom Segura en Español," and is the author of "I'd Like to Play Alone, Please: Essays." Watch his latest special, "Tom Segura: Sledgehammer," on Netflix. www.ymhstudios.com

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Transcript

I'm hanging out with my parents a good bit lately. My dad. So like a month ago, I get a series of texts that are photos that is clearly somewhere on the human body, but it's so punched in. I don't know what I'm looking at. I'm like, what is this? And it's like three photos in a row. I'm like, what is this? And then he calls me and he goes, did you see what I sent you? And I go, yeah, what is that? He goes, that's between my scrotum and my penis. And I go, what the fuck, man? And he's like, I got an infection down there. I go, why are you sending me photos? He's like, so you can see what I'm talking about. I go, you can just say it. But you don't even know what you're looking at. I know what I'm looking at. I'm like, what is this? And then my mother's like, he makes me take pictures. And I show them to him and he goes, that's not good enough. Take another one. So he's like holding his legs up like a child, changing a diaper. And my mother is snapping photos of an infection on his taint. Oh my god. And then he's like, they had to cut something out of me and sew it up. And I'm like, all right. Get something out of his taint? Yeah, he had an infection, he said there. And then I see him three weeks ago in person. He comes to a show and he's like, come here. Let me show you something. I'm like, all right. And then on an iPad, it's the photos. But full screen, I'm like, you're taint again? And he's like, did I show you this? Yeah, we talked about it. You sent me these photos. I don't want to see my dad's asshole again. And he's like, totally not getting how crazy it is to send me that. And then I see him two days ago and he goes, hey, can we show you something at dinner? No, no. Can we show you something? I go, is it a photo of your balls and your ass? He's like, yeah. I go, we've been over this, man. I don't want to see it. I understand you have an infection. He sends them to so many people he forgets. He forgets who he's sent it to.