A Childhood Injury Helped Make Bert Kreischer the Man He Is Today

I just started using toothpaste again It smells like cleaning feet It smells like soap Burc russian foam I don't like toothpaste, it fucking creeps me out What? Yeah toothpaste bother me What you brush your teeth with? Soap No way! What are you talking about? I'd like to... Look, this is a long un-packing story I don't have real teeth So it doesn't matter No, I mean your mouth You got real tongue, right? Don't glance over the real teeth I'm going to hit the mouth of baseball You got to hit the mouth of baseball? We just talked about this the other day Who hit you? My dad No, I'm joking, it was a kid in a game It was the kid batting He was a blackhead, he was sick of you talking to him like that That's where it started I was a catcher I was a passball, I blocked it, I picked it up, threw my helmet off threw it down to third and the kid tried to break it to play and brought the bat back in the mouth knocked out, fucked up 26 of my teeth I actually forgot to ask you this in that part of the story My 11th birthday You're playing catcher You throw the ball to make the play at what? Third, the kid was stealing second to go to third So the batter has already swung He already swung He brings the bat back into my mouth Oh, like he just brought it back into my mouth He thought on the spot, oh this will maybe I'll pretend it's my full motion Yeah, yeah, and brought it back into my mouth You did it on purpose? You know man, I never talked to the kid at all My teeth were on home plate You want to get real about this? You want to talk about parenting? My dad came out He's like buddy, it's going to be okay Your mom's here, we had a birthday party planned for him He was my birthday And he came out, and in his hand he had my fielder's glove And I went I was like trying to get him to take off the gear Drew's going to catch, go over to the shortstop, and I was like I don't have any teeth He was like, yeah, but if I take you out now we lose the game Because I can't sub before the fifth inning So go over, finish the game And I go, I don't have any teeth My dad's a good dad, he's not a bad guy But he was like, hey, don't fucking cry Go out, finish the inning, it's one out It's one out, and then we'll take you to the hospital So I went over to the shortstop I don't know, stuff like that I think turns you Stuff like that teaches you It either breaks you or fucks you up as a guy Or it makes you stronger as a guy What do you think it did to you? I don't know man, I've had a lot of those moments with my dad Where it's like, be a fucking man And I'm glad he did it, because there's certain things Like I worked with his dad though Man, I remember being at That's not like a suck it up moment, that's like a, no no no, it's over The game's over, it doesn't matter The game's over, you might have a broken jaw Everybody go home, there's pizza now If your teeth get knocked out, it's very likely there's some fractures in your jaw And that could get infected It's like a rush to get to the hospital as quick as possible You think your dad was having some sort of pizza yesterday? You're not in a world title fight No no no no, trust me Joe, I was sitting at the shortstop going This doesn't seem fair This seems like bad territory My dad's like, I have to take you out now and we'll lose the game I don't want to shit on your dad He was like, I'll give you some Tito's They'll be fine, I'm just gonna start it from there I don't think I'm fine, I don't know what you guys are talking about I don't know man I'm used to seeing people get fucked up And I think I'd have a real problem with that I would feel like I would, I think it's a different era It's a different era But I would panic if I saw it I would panic if I saw that I brought it up to my dad before He just, he laughs it off and he goes, you weren't that bad Can I ask you a question? Who won the game? I have no idea, I wasn't there I went to the doctor, Dr. Bosa Spent the rest of the day and got my teeth fixed How long did it take before they fixed your teeth? Fucking 20 years It took forever, it was a long period 9th grade, in college everything was fixed That was in 11th, 9th grade I had a smile I was comfortable with But yeah, I just had fucked up teeth So it took like 3 years for you to smile you were comfortable with So what was it before then? It was like spotty caps Cosmetic dental It was terrible back then It was terrible, so it was like I want to say like this sounds horrible I want to feel like it was plastic caps It wasn't like they stained really easy And so, and I had like 2 and then these were broken And then at one point I just had 4 teeth that looked okay And it's, I mean there are people listening right now that are going through this But you just cover your smile at times and you don't enjoy life as much Smile with your mouth closed You smile with your mouth closed, you're like, ha ha ha, that's funny I can't think of you like that I know right? I think that's why I am who I am is when I got teeth I was like, heeeeeeee I was like, fuck yeah!