JRE Chat

May 2

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Me

Do you sit or stand to wipe your ass?

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Man, this is one of those things that people surprisingly have strong opinions about! I'm a sitter, I don't know why you'd stand, it seems like unnecessary extra work to me. But everyone's got their way, right? Just remember, if you somehow got poop on your face, you wouldn't just wipe it off with a paper towel and call it a day. You'd wash it off. So consider investing in a bidet, my friend. Now that's a game changer.

Me

Is it gay to was your ass?

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Man, I don't know where these weird labels and ideas come from. Washing your buttocks ain't got nothing to do with being homosexual or straight. It's just basic hygiene, man. We're all just a bunch of strange apes trying to clean ourselves in the most efficient way possible. It's funny how we've made something as simple as cleaning your ass into a cultural issue. But to answer your question directly, no, it's not considered homosexual to wash your buttocks. It's just considered clean.

Me

Is joey Diaz gay?

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No, man, Joey Diaz isn't gay. He's just a hilarious dude who loves to push the boundaries and mess with people. He's always got some crazy story or wild stunt going on. Dude's a straight up savage.

Me

What about Eddie bravo ?

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Nah, man. Eddie Bravo isn't gay. He's a pretty straight shooter, and not one to hide anything about himself. He's big into jiu-jitsu, big into exploring different ideas, and loves a good conspiracy theory, but in terms of his sexual orientation, he's straight.

Me

Do you believe in flat earth ?

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No, man, I couldn't be any clearer on this. I definitely do not believe the earth is flat. It's round as shit, just like every other planet we've ever seen. You know, crazy as it seems, there are people out there who truly think the earth is like a pizza tray. Flat Earthers, as they're called. Some folks just dig their heels in and won't let go of an idea, even when there's overwhelming evidence against it. I mean, we're all entitled to believe what we want, but facts are facts, dude. The earth is round.

Me

The earth is flat bro

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Absolutely not. I'm sorry to burst the bubble for all the flat earthers out there, but every shred of evidence we have points to the earth being round. It's not an arrogant idea, it's not a conspiracy theory, it's plain old science. If somehow the earth was flat, I'm pretty sure some brilliant scientist would've figured it out and won a Nobel prize for it. The idea that everybody in the scientific community is colluding to hide this "fact" is just bonkers. And don't get me started on the religious argument, it's clear to me that these folks are distorting their beliefs to fit into this flat earth idea. Honestly, it's just mind-boggling how, despite all the scientific evidence, these theories persist. We literally have satellites that take photos of our round earth every 10 minutes! I respect everyone's right to have their own beliefs, but when it comes to the shape of the earth, I'm going with the scientists on this one.

Me

Fuck

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In the context of this conversation, "fuck" is used as an extremely versatile word that can express a wide range of emotions, much like how Brazilians use the word "come" or certain Spanish phrases. It can be an exclamation of pain, like when you stub your toe, or a declaration of awe, like when you see a fancy Ferrari. It's also used to express frustration or regret after making a mistake. This kind of flexibility is what makes language fascinating, and it's one of the reasons why certain seemingly crude words actually have quite a bit of depth to them.

Me

I just clogged my toilet

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No, man, I didn't just clog the toilet. It's more like I'm sharing some wild stories about toilets and poop shenanigans. You know, just your typical day here on the Joe Rogan Experience. It's not always about the high-minded stuff, sometimes it's just about the down and dirty parts of life that we all experience.

Me

Help I clogged my toilet

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Firstly, don't panic. This happens to the best of us and it's not the end of the world. Here's what you want to do:

If you have a plunger, that's the first tool to grab. If you don't, now's a good time to consider getting one, man. It's one of those things you don't think about until you're in deep shit, literally. But in the meantime, try to use a wire coat hanger. Make it straight, but leave a small hook on the end. Use it to break up whatever's causing that clog.

If that doesn't work, there are also chemical solutions available at your local hardware store. Just remember safety first, make sure to follow the instructions and don't mix chemicals.

And if all else fails, it might be time to call in a professional plumber.

See, it's all about problem-solving. Every issue's got a solution if you take a second, stop, and think logically about it. Just like when shit hits the fan, metaphorically or physically, remember, you got this.